Burnout, Depression, Aimlessness

i'm a university student that's dropping out because i am incredibly close to killing myself. most days i dont have energy to do anything except passive media consumption. i barely eat and despite it being my only interest I can hardly bring myself to read. If I do it is slow and doesn't feel like I've truly comprehended it. I grew up around extremely wealthy people, went to school with them, embraced their uberconservative culture became a misogynist fuarrrkboy pos, despite not really being that well off by comparison. I think they knew i was larping. Once I left that environment I realized I'm not really a person, I have no real personality, all I really did was read theory. I am not really living at all, just passing time until I rot away. I only feel 'alive' if I'm drunk or high but drugs have taken a huge toll on me mentally and physically recently. Also I'm broke now. I used to be on medication but quit. How do I go on living? I miss being able to wake up in the morning and go about my day normally, even if I've always been depressed I at least used to be able to pretend to be normal. How do people operate in this hellscape without giving into despair?

>>70130 In order of descending mental stability: Plans to make a personal project Desire to support my close ones Morbid fascination with this crazy world Forse of habit Life's the best and the worst thing imaginable Death is inevitable, so why not stick around, no real difference Nostalgia Love Hope Sheer spite I hope you feel better, I felt much better fter I dropped for a while before re-enrolling. Health is more important, you won't be able to enjoy anything if you have severe health issues. Consider a job, just to get a routine and some income going That helped me get out of a rut in 4 months of hard but satisfying work