Polyguy in monogamous relationship = lonely?

I've been in a long-term relationship for a decade now, and she seems happy about it. However, I'm not. I feel like I'm getting old (late 30's) and wasting away. We don't do it often enough for me, this might be normal. She really enjoys being close and hugging, but it doesn't really give me anything. I do enjoy her company a lot though. I'm considering making a tinder profile for myself, writing that I'm looking for another hetero woman, but my hopes are really really low. Are there others like me? Do people just put up? I've been getting really down recently about this. Think I would be happier if I was single? Also I'm bi, so xx to you.

You won't be happier, you sound like your marriage is happy other than the lack of sex (which can be remedied) so you would be sacrificing so much you're probably not even aware of to fuarrrk people you have no emotional connection to. On top of that, dude, you're in your late thirties, being single again is not going to be like rejoining your college fraternity, it's going to be living alone in an apartment washing your underwear in the sink waiting for your store bought dinner to cook in the microwave after another unsatisfying prowl at the local bar for women. Just don't do it, just talk to your wife about how you feel and just try to have some awareness of how nice it actually is to live with someone who genuinely loves you.

>>69432 >Think I would be happier if I was single? Based on what you wrote you would be crying here after a month how you wasted a relationship of your life. <Harsh opinion alert; you can ignore this> I think it's fuarrrking scummy to look for the next relationship on tinder behind your partner's back. You don't have the balls to call quits first? Honestly you sound like a piece of soykaf and you probably don't deserve her.

>>69435 >relationship on tinder behind your partner's back Just to clear up, I actually talked with her about doing this and she doesn't tell me "no". I'd never do this behind her back. I definitely feel like a POS though, so that part is spot on.

>>69437 >, I actually talked with her about doing this and she doesn't tell me "no". Alright that's good. Sorry for jumping to conclusions, my bad. Here's why I don't think it's a good idea. 1. This can breed jealousy 2. You can catch feelings -> break up -> regret 3. The human mind desires desiring more than the aim of your desire. Chances are that you are not in lack but merely fantasizing of something that could be

>>69432 >Think I would be happier if I was single? Imagine your life without her and you tell us. Is monogamy so draining in you that you can't see yourself sticking with it for the rest of your life? >>69437 How did she take it? Does she understand why you want to do it? Do you understand why you want to do it? Do you understand what values she places on exclusivity, how they will be impacted by this decision, and how (or if) you can positively address those impacts? Are you both comfortable discussing feelings of jealousy that will arise? Is the relationship emotionally stable? Do you know if you're opening up for sexual partners only or for multiple romantic relationships? Have you discussed boundaries (e.g. who is off limits, how often you'll be allowed to hook up with others, how many people, how many times you can hook up with a given person in a given time frame, etc)? I've been in poly relationships for about a decade, but they've always started out poly. I've no experience transitioning an exclusive relationship to an open one, but these are the things I consider before starting a relationship to make sure I'm on the same page as my partners.

>>69437 >she doesn't tell me "no" Does she tell you "Yes, go ahead!" though? People don't always say what they really mean. You know what you're doing. You feel guilt for a reason. Don't try to logic your way out of being a responsible human being, for god's sake.

In a somewhat similar situation, although I would say the only needs of mine not being met are sexual and I'm beginning to think gf is asexual in denial. I've contemplated asking her whether she wants to add another sexual partner (she's bisexual so it might excite her too) but I think even asking is a really big thing that requires full faith from everyone. Even if she was into it, you never know how things will go until you do the deed, threesomes and open relationships regularly lead to feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, etc.

>>69441 >You know what you're doing. You feel guilt for a reason. Don't try to logic your way out of being a responsible human being, for god's sake. OP shouldn't feel guilty. His libido is too high for his partner's, the lack of sex has taken an emotional toll on him, so he's discussed it with her and floated the idea. There's nothing wrong there. That's exactly what you're supposed to do about any problem in a relationship. >>69445 If your relationship can't make it through feelings of threesome induced jealousy, is it even a worthwhile relationship? Those feelings are normal, especially the first couple of times it happens, but if your relationship is healthy and your communication skills are good, you'll be able to talk it through afterwards. Bi partner is a bonus for you as threesomes where you're both interacting with the third person make it seem like less of a big deal (feels more like "my partner and I are fuarrrking this person" instead of "I'm watching my partner get fuarrrked by this person") and are more fun anyway You and OP should also consider that maybe you're not satisfying your partner and that's why she's not as sexually active with you as you'd like. If you want to open your relationship only because you want more sex, try discussing how sex is for her and what you can do to get her in the mood and satisfy her better before trying to open it up.

>>69432 >In a relationship for 10 years >I want to seggs someone else, lemme just trash my relationship >this could not possibly hurt my relationship How can you even face your partner and explain infidelity when it comes to light if you cant even explain what the problem is to you're partner. Your partner is probably not too happy with you wanting to leave them for someone else, and may just be too hurt to reply. Look up the 5 love languages and figure out whats really missing. It's your life though, none of us are going to have to live with your mistakes.

>>69451 >If your relationship can't make it through feelings of threesome induced jealousy, is it even a worthwhile relationship? Yes of course. Even if you dont end up breaking up over it, a bad threesome is definitely going to stick in your memory forever, permanently changing your relationship for the worse. Something like adding another sexual partner is a really huge leap and needs a large amount of consideration, both individually and together. >If you want to open your relationship only because you want more sex, try discussing how sex is for her and what you can do to get her in the mood and satisfy her better before trying to open it up. Been doing this, her libido is essentially zero. She hasn't even masturbated in months, and she has no idea what I could do to excite her.

>>69432 Do you really need a real person if all you're lacking is a sexual partner? Maybe you're a bit old fashioned due to the old agez but I would inironically recommend the vast world of sex products. I don't really use those much myself, but I must say that my gf does enjoy sex, but prefers it not as frequently as I would like. But it's all good since in my opinion masturbation is superior to sex in terms of physical pleasure. It doesn't provide intimacy and can be depressing when you're alone, but if you're not it's all good. Have sex with her and hug her and get all the intimacy you need when she is in the mood, otherwise get yourself a setup you enjoy and explore your sexuality more.

I'm on a somewhat similar boat. But I was nefer successful with tlirting or dating or anything so even if I tried I would just fail like I always did. Either way, I have already made a commitment, I am happy with my life and I'm not throwing that away just because I get horny. I have a hand, too. I suggest you stop bitching.

>>69462 >in my opinion masturbation is superior to sex in terms of physical pleasure. I just don't feel this way. Sex with another person has always felt way way better than masturbating, and I've edged for entire nights before. >>69464 literally nobody in this thread is "bitching"

I really hope you're trolling, and if you're not then you should break up with her. If you don't like her enough and you would even consider ending it for such a reason, then imo you shouldn't be in a relationship. It's unfair to your partner, as they supposedly do love you and believe that you do as well.

OP here, appreciate the comments. Still a bit uncertain if I'm a normal jerk that should put up or an abnormal jerk. You guys talk a lot about sex, but I'm not looking for a threesome. Yes it would be great to do it more often, but it's not a must. She does enjoy sex when it happens. I'd even consider an asexual girl if she is a good match for us. >>69454 My estimations: - I prefer compliments and physical touch. - She prefers quality time and acts of service. Doubt this is very scientific though.

>>69663 >. I'd even consider an asexual girl if she is a good match for us. You make it sound like it's more about your pleasure than your partner(s). Understanding that asexuality is a spectrum or those who have an outright aversion to sex and those who are indifferent towards it, encouraging an asexual person to partake in your sexual fantasies sounds like its more about you, and your desire for physical touch and pleasure than about your wife's quality time. Maybe turn sex into quality time with your wife instead of some random girl. Set the mood by doing things she would appreciate. You are the one in a relationship, so you can't just be selfish and only expect to get what you want out of it. you are in this together. Don't like it? there's always divorce and being single where nobody will judge your sexual preferences.

>>69663 So what is it then? Why do you feel like you're wasting away if sex is not the issue?

>>69432 >Also I'm bi, so xx to you. found your problem sissy boy. if you want to fuarrrk her more you just do it. molest her, grope her, pull off her panties and do it. shes wet asoon as you do this but youre too much of a femboy to take what you want so youll isolate and jerk off kek

>>69432 Father here. You can't live many years with a woman and not hate her. It simply don't work. It mean you onlyhave two choice: Have affective security but hate your life Be forever alone no matter who you currently are with and hate your life. It won't be perfect. Il will never be. Choose your poison but remember: you only have one life so don't waste it to get your noddle wet.

>>69692 It's not like I haven't done or can't do stuff like that. But, indeed I do sometimes wonder if I'm less male. I kinda twist my personality to the company, so my "neutral" state might be somewhat unisex. I'd punch you IRL tho. >>69667 A lot of the pleasure I get from sex is from thinking I give pleasure, having sex with an unwilling person would suck. >>69702 I absolutely do not hate her. I sometimes hate myself though, but not because of her. >>69671 I think I've had the desire of multiple partners for as long as I've wanted to have a partner. Thus title.

>>69706 >A lot of the pleasure I get from sex is from thinking I give pleasure... The emphasis is thinking you give pleasure. The implication here is that you are looking at everything through your own perception, which makes me wonder if you can really communicate well with your partner. Do you actually ask what your partner likes or wants? have you explained you would like to be more sexually active with them? have you asked what kinds of sexual activities they are interested in?

I mean, throughout our history, humanity has achieved incredible feats, from building awe-inspiring structures like the Pyramids of Giza to developing life-saving medical treatments and technologies that have transformed our way of life. At the same time, we have also been responsible for immense suffering, such as through wars, conflicts, and environmental degradation.

>>69722 > The implication here is that you are looking at everything through your own perception Isn't that basically the human condition? We don't have the luxury of switching to the perspective of another person, we can only emulate it and guess.

>>69740 Ummm actually sweetie, god gave you eyes, ears, and a mouth. You can literally ask someone how they feel and hear what they have to say. You also do have the luxury of imagining how they might feel once you understand their values.

>>69706 Maybe try couple's therapy and/or go on dates with her again?

>>69763 again, we can collect information to emulate or imagine how someone feels. That is not actually experiencing. We only get our own viewpoint.

>>69814 From my viewpoint you have autism.

>>70325 But you do not actually have my experience of having autism, and you cannot.

>>69722 Yeah, our communication is pretty good. Although it does sometimes take some time to drill down to the core of a perceived problem. >>69805 She really doesn't think we have a problem and I don't really want to change her. I might try being more romantic, but anything gets old after a while.