I feel like I am not accomplishing anything and soon there will be too late for me

The only passion I have ever had seems to be programming, but at the same time I don't want to make it my primary source of income. Leaving it as a hobby can help me not lose interest in it, because whenever I feel like I am being pressed into doing something (let alone, too hard or even threatened), given tasks I have to accomplish in a limited amount of time feels overwhelming. But then I need to work simply to sustain myself and I don't think I will have enough energy to balance between a hobby and a job, because I want to be atleast not bad at both. I feel like once I get a job I will be pressed into abandoning my hobby so I can get enough sleep, which would feel like existence rather than life. Just mindlessly completing tasks for someone else to be given x amount of money I will HAVE TO spend on food, utensils/rent, clothing, entertainment etc. Which is not permanently making any progress, don't you agree? And then there is such a thing as deterioration of human mind, I will loose neuroplasticity without ever accomplishing anything. Well, you can say I've been a useful and fairly functional element of the system, but it still leaves me devastated that I didn't ever do anything for myself and have been just used up and squeezed like a lemon. My life doesn't really have any meaning at this point. I feel like I will be having to do mundane and monotonous work without any perspective and career growth perspectives for the rest of my life which will drain me off energy to do my hobby so I'll never improve in either

>>69329 First off, you have severe mental issues, i bet you already know that. Secondly, you have very polar mindset - no, your situation is not the end of the world and life doesn't work this way. You will always have time for yourself, question is how much of that time you wouldn't waste. If you are willing to try both work and improve your hobby, I don't see why you can't do it even with a bullshit job. That kind of jobs can vary in terms of physical and mental load, just choose one that less hard and do whatever you want. Honestly, I see just despair and hopelessness in your post, that can be a sign that you need a good rest. If you are not willing to go to the doctor, than take your psyche condition seriously and make that your main concern.

>>69332 I wonder what "mental illness" specifically and how my reasonable reaction to external circumstances I am currently in qualifies as such?

>>69334 If you're not like 17 tops, it's not a reasonable reaction, lainon. It's infantilism and youthful absolutism personified. Not a mental illness nessesarily, not for now at least. First of all, you get a job you get. It's based mostly on luck of the draw and/or connections you have in the field. Don't think you can just show up and get it in the current economy. People with much more experience look for 6+ months usually after leaving a job. Second of all, if you're interested in programming you will do it. It's your passion, you can't give up on it. If you can, that wasn't really a passion at all and you need to look elsewhere.

>>69329 What the fuarrrk. It's like I'm reading my own post. Anyways my plan is to just go through with programming regardless of how I feel about it. I'd rather do that than have an absolute dogshit job or try to find another by wandering aimlessly for years. You just can't have all I guess

>>69334 Not "illness", i said issues. Actually, i may be wrong if you are not an adult who just got wery tired and got neurasthenia or depression. Rather if you are a boy (like 16-23 y.o. this anon >>69402 is more clear - real life don't work the way you think it's working. Any way, i don't want to insult you or something, just i want you to understand that healthy adult usually don't have such pessimistic (rather fatalistic) views.

>The only passion I have ever had seems to be programming, but at the same time I don't want to make it my primary source of income. Your life will be limited by the amount of money you make. Your source of income should be what gives you the most return per hour of work and that doesn't leave you exhausted. The rest is mostly irrelevant, i say mostly because i don't know you so maybe you have other things you wouldn't give up on. As for losing your passion? You won't, if you love programming you will program in your off work hours. But you know what would suck? If time passes and you go on another carrer that doesn't pay as well (let's be real most areas in IT pays well not sure if it pays the MOST but....) or that you hate and miss out on this chance(you're only X years old once). After all, in a few years you might want to get in electronics and that revolves around buying equipment that cost a lot of money, or maybe you love gaming and want the latest top of the line hardware. If programming becomes your jobs you would be paid to work this something you love and rewarded for studying it in your off time. >I feel like I am not accomplishing anything and soon there will be too late for me I felt ever since i left technical school in my teens and guess what 80% of the time i wasted time overthinking and procrastinating. Instead of worrying if it is late or not just do it, time doesn't move backwards. There's only do or don't. Focus on what helps you do things not on what paralyses you, the rest is just noise. God, if i only stopped over thinking i could have been 5 years further on my studies! Ah.... there's me overthinking again....

>>69329 >to be given x amount of money I will HAVE TO spend on food, utensils/rent, clothing, entertainment etc. Which is not permanently making any progress, don't you agree? Hard disagree. I feel very similar to you on the rest of this, so what I did was, never get a real job, because fuarrrk jobs. Instead I developed a career of miscellaneous money scrounging and pursuing money making schemes, which eventually I got good/lucky enough with to be in a comfortable position. Why I disagree is that, key to making this work is extreme (yet sensibly prioritized) cheapness, which is not at all impossible. You do not have to spend the money you make, in fact most of it you should not spend, because every dollar you spend is a dollar not bringing you closer to financial security and ultimately financial freedom through a hoard of savings and investments. Most people are abysmal at this. They think of living under the poverty line as impossible (untrue), they feel good when they spend rather than the guilt and anxiety spending should elicit if you have your priorities straight. They think something like buying a new car is a sane thing to do, and allow others to pressure them into throwing away money on things that don't matter instead of the thing that does matter, securing their personal freedom from wage slavery. Yes, mandatory expenses are always creeping up, and this gets harder and harder, but we are nowhere near the point where it is entirely hopeless and saving is useless. Possibly key to making it work is lack of full time employment. I have never had full time employment, and I know some people make FIRE work, but on all the forums dedicated to that there is this consistent theme of how difficult it is to make the transition. There is a psychological resistance to making the jump, and once it is made there is a great difficulty adapting and building a new lifestyle that works in practice. I think this is because of what you describe; being pressed to abandon non-job ways of acting and thinking, and resulting mental deterioration over years where wagies become increasingly zombified and set in their ways. For this reason I think part time freelancing and entrepreneurship, or part time work in general, could be a better path, even if it is more risky and takes longer to build up enough money to retire.

>>69456 You realise that your position is extremely fragile, right? The reason for having a job is stability and extra income to make your own capital that can be employed when the times get tough. Staking your existence on the fact that some social structures seem to be there always is not wise.

>>69461 >Staking your existence on the fact that some social structures seem to be there always is not wise. Social structures? Not sure exactly what you mean but I think you're making some false assumptions on things about myself I did not elaborate on. Obviously financial security is desirable and should be pursued, but what sacrifices are made or not made for it needs to be prioritized against other life goals.