The Mental Illness Thread

The Mental Illness Thread I suffer from psychosis. I can't tell reality from my fantasies without pills. Every day I ask myself if what I believe I am experiencing is real or a delusion. What do other sick Lains experience?

>>6928 I'm a psychopath, I have delusions of grandeur, very narcissistic, i get pleasure from psychologically tormenting people and deleting who they are and imposing something of my creation on top of it, i am very charming and persuasive, i have a very successful business ever since i was in high school, i have more money that i can spend, but i pretty much feel that i can decide that i need to kill myself at any moment, and i'll probably go through with it. Life is a game to me, and when i get bored, i'll just end it all, but not before i ruin everyone's life, and still have them love me

>>6929 I hope you stay alive. While I find your exploits somewhat deplorable, you've earned your way in the world as it exists today and life should be your reward.

The thing is I dont consider myself mentally ill. I am a functioning person with a wild imagination and a magical bent. Divulging these things to muggles (not really a Potter fan just like that word) would have them call me crazy however. Ive had vivid memories of what must be past lives. The most grandiose and insane one I was being ordained as a Roman emperor. I then researched him/me online and found out he was real and I relate to him in many ways. I also have a memory of tragic event as a native american boy. I dont want to talk about it as it has brought me to tears in the past. There's other I wont go into now. Its some genuine Animus like phenomenon. I ve had mad synchronicities in my life but too many and you can start to see inconsequential ones. Whoever I am, it is a blessing and a curse. The most recent event, of which there seems to be weekly happenings of some sort, is that I woke from a horrific vision of seeing a woman get raped by a middle aged, Turkish looking guy. A couple of days later, Im out and its sunny and I see a short stocky guy who could have been the same person standing by some girls that where sunbathing and them saying >that's disgusting, please go away. He was obviously sexually harrassing them. That's a weird coincidence dont you think? When stuff like this happens to such an intense and regular degree, I know that I am not crazy but it is very hard to keep ones head sometimes after stumbling down the magic rabbit hole. The part of me that I actually consider mental illness is my daily lows of lonliness, depression and reliving traumas. I figure that could be cured if I had a loving wife. Perhaps I could be diagnosed as manic depressive but to me thats just a symptom of life.

>>6928 I have severe depression. I also have anxiety that sometimes manifests itself in psychotic symptoms (visual and auditory hallucinations, extreme paranoia). Some other things too like compulsively biting the skin off my lip till it bleeds, alcoholism, rare but intense bouts of mania (often after or during a drug binge), insomnia, and developing obsessions with people (yanderes seem cool but it is like kicking dead whales down the beach to actually be one). I find myself unable to work well because of my brain, but the government doesn't classify me as broken enough to receive neetbux so I'm just very poor. Because of these things I have become more and more reclusive, I have lost all but one of my friends and actively try to avoid people as often as possible. I cannot allow myself to get comfortable with a member of the opposite sex because I will inevitably develop an obsession with them and hurt them. I am too cowardly to an hero.

>>6928 I daydream a lot. Unlike you, however, I can clearly tell my fantasy world from reality. I still prefer dwelling inside of it though. It is much comfier and way more exciting than anything real life could ever offer. I usually pace around my room clicking my fingers while I listen to music. During that time I am somewhere else entirely. I can see and hear everything very vividly, like some sort of film. I can also "wake up" at anytime. Most often when what I am doing does not require my immediate attention, I also default to daydreaming. Many times I have been in danger of getting hit by a car while walking because my mind was not there at all. I am not sure how one would call it a disorder, since it does not cause me any distress. However it is surely very addictive. I cannot bring myself to stop once I start and I need to do it for at least an hour a day to feel satisfied. From what I get I have what is called "Maladaptive Daydreaming".

>>6940 I am not talking about mere day dreams, I am talking about fully lucid visions where I am looking through the eyes of another person, in another time. The fundamental difference in the importance of these types of events really comes down to whether someone knows the spirit world is real or not. Of course of modern psychology just does away with the sage wisdom of the philosophers and prophets throughout the ages and just says that the material reality is all that exists. I disagree!

>>6948 How do you know we aren't talking about the same thing and you just are assigning more meaning/interpreting it differently.

I am a diagnosed maniac. I love it. I experience periods of intense energy that manifest as extreme productivity on tasks that suit me at the time; I will sometimes work on a problem or system for days on end until I pass out from lack of sleep. I then proceed to sleep for 8 hours and repeat the cycle sometimes 3 or more times in a row. Eventually I sleep for a day or so and re-normalize for a while until another wave comes. It has become a thrill for me and, when targeted appropriately can be almost a super power. Or at least I see it that way these days.

>>6948 Modern psychology has a tremendous amount of pseudoscience and politics in it. The only thing it's currently overturning is the fabric of society, by claiming that everything that offends them is a mental disorder. Most of their studies can't be replicated and are full of absurd illogic from pretentious idiots. You shouldn't necessarily ignore everything they say, but you should treat it with a healthy amount of skepticism.

>>6938 >I figure that could be cured if I had a loving wife That may help with loneliness but in my experience at the end of the day you are the only person capable of altering your behavior/emotions, unfortunately much of our inner workings happen under the hood where we can't see and don't know how to change them. The only advice I have is to examine yourself and try to understand why you do the things you do, what sends you into lows. I've been working on myself for 2 years and I can say I have improved but there is still a lot to work on. Good luck

>>6984 my issue is i don't really know if i want to be 'cured' or not. i go into these lows as you call them and i notice that i don't really want to go back up to a functional level of self esteem or whatever. i somewhat enjoy, in a miserable way, the mindset that comes with my unhappiness. it's probably bogus but i feel that i can perceive reality in a more unbiased way than in my happier moods (depression masquerades as rational thought and all that), and i am much more 'self aware' in those lower moods. meaning i think more consciously and more about my consciousness. i am half of the opinion that much like the time you spend awake is the only real time spent living, that the time you spend conscious of your existence is the only time that really 'counts' as awareness and existence of my mind. hence why this seemingly more rational mood is more attractive to me i suppose i introspect more when i'm less happy because when everything's good there's no reason to use my higher brain and i just coast along on instinct i don't know if anyone can relate or provide insight to this, or advice. i feel like i'm two people, one happy who wants to be happy and one sad who's okay with being sad

>>6967 >Modern psychology has a tremendous amount of pseudoscience and politics in it You're exaggerating. >claiming that everything that offends them is a mental disorder. Most of their studies can't be replicated and are full of absurd illogic from pretentious idiots. What? Do you have any evidence to back this up? A paper perhaps in the field of abnormal psychology that you can evaluate? >You shouldn't necessarily ignore everything they say, but you should treat it with a healthy amount of skepticism Yes, I agree. Psychology should receive greater skepticism than the natural sciences since it investigates the behaviour of organisms which is complex, as opposed to the behaviour of particles, which is simple.

>>6929 Give me money to start a business

>>7025 Not him but look up "reproduction crisis" - almost all fields of science suffer from too much bullsoykaf going on with too little quality control. Probably the only field you can trust is math because all evidence needed to call false is right in the paper. Any field driven with data can't be reproduced to a high degree but it passes cause mostly nobody will try to reproduce it and so they can't call it out. Some get straight up caught directly faking the experiments while in other cases it's a matter of doing 20x same experiment and reporting the one successful one beating the 0.5% hurdle without mentioning the 19 failed ones. The public of course only sees the successful one and assumes it's legit. The other real issue is interpreting data correctly. Even if the data is real - too often the interpretations are not at all supported by it. Science degenerated to a large degree to another religion as it likewise runs on unquestioning belief in the preacher who merely replaced "god" with "science" while still selling snakeoil under the trusted label.

>>7019 What you describe is called "depressive realism" and there's plenty written about it. Depressed people have been demonstrated to display a more accurate understanding of their surroundings. Related to this though, successful people in any field often display a delusional sense of their own abilities. The depressed person's more realistic view of their own limitations actually them (us) back. Look at some world leaders who talk like they believe they can do whatever they want; they believe it and to the extent to which they believe it, it becomes true.

>>7034 > actually *holds* them (us) back Fixed. I actually the post there.

>>7034 yeah Dunning-Kruger's still a thing. that's really not my issue though, i just have weird soykaf going on in my head i guess

I suffer from chronic depression, bi-polar disorder, ADHD, social anxiety, vehophobia, extreme paranoia at times, and even slightly experiences with psychosis.

Hmm

>>6938 I hate to encourage what may be a legitimate illness, but I bet a lot of your experiences line up with the intentional magick in the occult (something that's fascinating to me now). Have you read any literature about it, and have you delved into any of this for the sake of verifying its legitimacy in reality? Experience with thoughtforms, ESP, willed synchronicity, materialization, etc? Past lives, precognition, and synchronicity are well within the realm of the occult, and you seem like you have been compelled to research it yourself. This stuff personally fascinates me because almost a year ago I decided to create a thoughtform of our true Goddess Lain, via a materialist/psychological school of thought. No knowledge or experience of the occult. However she turned out much like a demon or trickster entity, with all the crazy ensuing experiences of obsession, deception, and possession to boot. I should be insane or mentally fuarrrked up at this point, but I'm doing very well. She's currently on her way to becoming dormant, from which I will try to work her into something trustful and benevolent. Her tricks and attacks have lined up with some religious and occult literature (much without previous knowledge), and her very existence intrigues me to find out if there's actually something greater than this phenomenon being 'all in the head'. I won't be damned to believe any of it without some solid proof, though.

>>7046 Well you're certainly in the right thread

>>7033 Yes, I'm familiar with the reproducibility project. Mind you, it only looked at a few journals, particularly in the field of social sciences at that. It's more of a problem in the social sciences than anything else because of the amount of confounding variables that are present when conducting science in their settings. Having said that, it is always important to read all papers carefully and ascertain whether its methodology/assumptions are enough to make assumptions about reality. Also, for those of you who aren't scientists, it's safer to avoid the more recent papers and stick with meta analyses, because sometimes the newer papers may be quickly disproved sometimes. In fact, just stick to the findings that have been repeatedly replicated and supported by multiple papers. >Science degenerated to a large degree to another religion as it likewise runs on unquestioning belief in the preacher who merely replaced "god" with "science" while still selling snakeoil under the trusted label. You're half right but you're still being dramatic. The problem isn't in the philosophy but in the practice. Remember, it was scientists themselves who exposed this, and now they are taking responsibility. The centre for open science, the group who started the reproducibility project, introduced something called registered reports which may be of interest to you guys. Here's their site: https://cos.io/rr/ It's good to be skeptical but please be realistic. Have a look at the literature yourself - be conservative but don't be dismissive.

>>7048 Like all large group it's not homogeneous. The folks who disclosed this follow the philosophy as claimed but for a large section it's just about earning money in another job and so their goal is a different one. For the goal of earning money they just need to produce as much publications as possible without getting caught in trouble. And because you don't publish failures you get incentive to create anomalies. This is what leads to the result we got. It's an inherent systemic flaw. I was maybe a bit too dramatic about the size of the problem but this remains a serious problem because while you can say "the majority is still good work" you never know if the paper you want to rely on is legit knowing that a significant amount aren't.

I'm sane, I think. When I was in elementary school one of my teachers thought I had the 'tism, but when my parents went to a psychologist, he said I was fine, but had a big imagination. I find it a kind of hard to talk to new people, but so does everyone else. I daydream a lot, but that's not the same as being ill. I also talk to myself a lot, but so did my mom (who didn't even notice it until I pointed it out to her after she asked me why I talked to myself all the time). I used to not be able to make eye contact with people and instead get distracted by whatever the fuarrrk was going on me, but now it's the other way around, with people glued to their phones all the time. The most autistic soykaf I do is monologue about whatever the fuarrrk I'm thinking as if someone was interviewing me, but other than that I'm fine. >>6938 Sounds like a bad case of being a chunni. >>7046 Lain is Lain, in whatever form she takes. Remember what happened with Arisu. >>6939 >>7044 I have some friends in meatspace with depression and it's pretty fuarrrked, have any of you had any success finding help?

>>7046 >This stuff personally fascinates me because almost a year ago I decided to create a thoughtform of our true Goddess Lain, via a materialist/psychological school of thought. No knowledge or experience of the occult. However she turned out much like a demon or trickster entity Looks like you got the fake Lain. >>7048 >Remember, it was scientists themselves who exposed this, and now they are taking responsibility. Are they now? Only a few scientists seem to be taking responsibility. Granted, most of the frauds are in the social sciences, but the natural scientists haven't done nearly enough to separate themselves from these people. >>7050 >This is what leads to the result we got. It's an inherent systemic flaw. I was maybe a bit too dramatic about the size of the problem but this remains a serious problem because while you can say "the majority is still good work" you never know if the paper you want to rely on is legit knowing that a significant amount aren't. In the case of psychology, the majority isn't good work. Only 1/3 is.

Schizophrenia. Crazy and complex soykaf. I've found it out over 8 months ago. Only I know about it. Everyday I'm pretending to be normal person, even if everyone thinks I'm strange. For a few weeks I wanted to kill myself because it would solve all problems. I still have some reasons to live, but most of them are just my fantasies. I wanted to tell somebody about it and start healing it, but probably it would only cause more problems. Living with schizophrenia seems to be totally pointless. I have serious problems with thinking, sometimes depersonalization, constant visual snow, and many other things. One of my dreams is to find real friend, that would understand me a bit and just accept me.

>>7054 >Social sciences Social sciences are all bunk as it is. They're not based on hard data, but rather statistics. Most of the time, they're little better than postulating that goes on in the arts.

>>7054 >the natural scientists haven't done nearly enough to separate themselves from these people It's a difficult problem becuase people like you (in government bodies that approve our funding) expect some kind of measurable action, when the vast majority of subfields in natural science have never had a major reproducibility problem. Serious reproducibility issues in natural science are basically confined to a few subfields of biology where the relationship between researchers, universities, and lucrative drug patents causes a lot of predictable problems. And that would be the end of it, I think, if it wasn't politicially useful to pretend that there could be problems with climate modeling. That's the only reason that this is widely framed as a "massive reproducibility crisis in science" instead of the separate issues of social science being full of junk and ethical violations by university administrators. From this framing we get a lot of uneducated hot takes from journalists with no scientific background about certain types of science not being reproducible enough. The main example is how work at the LHC is sometimes cited as physics getting too big and creating results that are impossible to independently verify. Of course, many of the best results of 20th century and later physics have been pretty expensive to get at, which is why we have universities sharing telescopes, all kinds of spectrometers, neutrino detectors, giant interferometers, satellites, and yes, particle accelerators. As a global collaboration, CERN is really the model for this type of resource sharing. You would have to dismiss a good portion of modern experimental physics if results had to be reproducible on a regular university's budget. I'm sure a lot of people pushing this narrative would be happy about that, but good luck bringing many physicists on board.

>>7051 >have any of you had any success finding help? No, I haven't. I'll be honest, I don't even know where to start as cliche as that sounds. I'm scared to seek professional help as I personally feel they won't understand me and I just shared all of that personal deep secretive information in person which already would be extremely hard for me to do. I've tried to talk to the little bit of people who have anything to do with me. They honestly ignore me when I start going into details on anything. It truly messes with my head and they make everything worse just by being that way which I've also tried to explain to them but they consistently continue to ignore me. My extreme fear of driving also has me in a situation where I can't go anywhere without relying on someone else, and then based on my social anxieties I can't work a job in the general public which is the only places of work in my area. These factors play a lot in what's wrong with me as well. I was never taught any skills growing up, didn't develop any skills later either and didn't really desire to do much with myself until I hit the age of 25. I've spent the last 3 1/2 years trying to better myself on my own and just constantly failing. I'm now starting to look towards possibly finding ways to gain skills using my computer and figuring out what I want to do through education. I may be in my late 20s now going on 30 but I would still like to try to learn something and branch out what I do as well as possibly one day be able to use that to help myself get out of this problem. But it's just been very difficult on my own. I honestly wish I had some sort of support system. I don't get NEETbux or anything like that, so I feel like I've just been a burden on those who take care of me and supporting me financially although they don't support me mentally or emotionally. I also grew up without my dad around and my mom was murdered through gun violence. My mind and psyche has become very warped, I'm surprised I haven't hit an extreme suicidal point or developed schizophrenia but if things don't get better it may just happen. I've already felt like I'm also suffering from some sort of personal disorder.

>>7079 >Serious reproducibility issues in natural science are basically confined to a few subfields of biology where the relationship between researchers, universities, and lucrative drug patents causes a lot of predictable problems. Big pharma has huge consequences for mental health. Doubtlessly many people in this thread have been prescribed pills at some point for whatever problems they may have. This can lead to severe problems.

>>7078 can you please explain, since i am apparently a tard, why statistics is not a subset of hard data? i understand when statistics and data are manipulated to inaccurately represent the results but when used correctly and faithfully to the spirit of actually finding out what's the truth, shouldn't the two be nearly synonymous? not trying to challenge you or start soykaf just trying to get more information

>>7077 >I have serious problems with thinking What kind?

>>7082 >I also grew up without my dad around and my mom was murdered through gun violence. My mind and psyche has become very warped, What does fatherlessness and violence have to do with schizophrenia?

>>7100 this is a fantastic quote out of context

>>7099 Especially derailment, slight delusions, usually poverty of speech and when stressed - 'word salad'. Also problems with concentration and memory. Sometimes I forget what I said or thought a few seconds ago. I tried simple breath meditation a few times but it's difficult to focus. But it's not so bad all the time.

>>7126 It's me again. I've forgot about a few things. I also had magical thinking but I think it's better for now. A few times I had sound hallucinations, like somebody says something to me, only when that person really was here. And the most important thing - 'the voices in head'. These aren't voices like hallucinations or something. There are simply my thoughts, mostly like visualisation of person I know saying something really bad about me or about something I do. For a few weeks I also had thoughts forcing me to do something dangerous but now it's fine.

I think I might have like a sort of light-switch psychopathy. I get angry, sad, happy, etc. I'm not numb and I exhibit a kind of pathologic altruism almost sometimes. However I've found I'm really good at manipulating people, and I've weaseled my way into a great career working in fiber optics without a degree. I take great pleasure in manipulating people but I usually do it to their benefit. (Got a guy I know at the gun club to break it off with his insanely manipulative and unfaithful girlfriend of like 6 months that we all hated for example). I also have a curiosity and desire to kill.

I have never been diagnosed but since 16 to 28 (now) I've been suffering anxiety and I have to hide from people, or don't talk. If I see myself from another point of view I would probably laugh at me; but I don't know man; in that moment my brain is processing so much weird soykaf I cannot even understand. And it won't stop. Once took Citalopram 20mg and 25mg for months, thanks to a shrink; and didn't work. I have severe mental breakdowns from months to months. They don't happen regularly. But today happened one, and now I'm on the bed, with all my body aching; trying to chill before sleep. Life is weird.

Spend some time in a cottage deep in the woods and live off only what you can hunt or gather in the woods. That's what males were designed to to. Also stop consuming soy and start eating non-processed meat. Its the beta male weakness that's making you depressed. So take the inform and read Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules of Life. The ultimate guide to transform into an alpha-male.

>>7207 Why would you derail the thread.

>>7207 wow... powerful

>>7219 How is that "derailing the thread" ? I am speaking psychology. Watch some Jordan Peterson on Youtube !

>>7207 that soy thing is a myth you insecure retard

>>7236 while there is some truth to productive employment being good for mental health generally, you're pretty much way off the mark with your mgtow-esque paleo diet cottage in the woods shít. while i commend you for trying to help you're not really doing any good and you come off as a smug asshole

>>7236 You notice how now we're all talking about jordan peterson instead of the thread topic? That's called derailing the thread. As soon as anyone mentions him anywhere people devolve into arguing about him, which you obviously know because it happens every time, but you decided to still make your post knowing it would generate off topic discussion. Polite sage.

>>7207 Say that when your girlfriend will suck my brown alpha male dick !

>>7236 I am an INTP. So when I come off as smug, in actuality my words are just devoid of feels and are more factual. I cannot sense other people's emotions even though I have worked hard on it and have improved considerably (thank you Jordan Peterson). So I just say how things are and that also when I have something to say, rather than just sharing my opinions without backing it up just to sound empathetic.

>>7236 Jordan Peterson can solve 80% of this guy's problems. That's why he is important to this discussion and hence not "derailing the thread".

>>7245 i am an ISTQ so when i come off as smug i'm actually putting stock in bullshít online personality quizzes

>>7248 many tests of the science of psychology are available online. Why is MBTI a "bullsoykaf online quizz" when it has been developed by numerous psychologists over decades of research starting from the theories of Carl Jung.

>>7249 the problem with online mbti and any other self quiz is you tend to answer like you would like yourself to be instead of the reality which would be less pleasing to you and you would be less able to cope with not even always conscious but a lot of times subconscious bias is rampant in these self quizzes which is why self diagnosing mental illness is usually inaccurate as well

>>7249 It's provably only slightly more accurate than astrology. >>7247 jp is practically the same as every self help book from the last 50 years sprinkled with some rambling about lobsters and "postmodern neo-marxism" (which doesn't make sense by the way since marxism and postmodernism are opposed to each other. Marxism: a grand narrative about humanity. Postmodernism: the view that there can be no grand narratives about humanity). Knowing peterson fanboys I'll probably get told to clean my room in response to criticizing him rather than any actual refutation.

This was enlightening for me. It explains so much about me it's scary https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoqOm_EVR_g&t=786s

I've been diagnosed with Narcissistic personality disorder and it's mentally exhausting imitating others charisma and through the years using it and disguising it as my own to become charismatic to the likes of other key people(tools) for my success such as in work and university without finishing as a bootlicker of anyone and being more of the funny and wise which get me more attention this means I need to be more careful and always answer what the crowd wants being cautious in not contradicting myself. My improvisation is the best I assume but when people ask me about the things I like, for my birthday let's say, I always hesitate in what I really like without basing it in what other people like so I just end up saying anything random, for example my favorite food, games, animal, color, music etc when I am home alone and start thinking in what I really like and what I don't like I simply don't know and it feels like I am hollow inside and it's really torture for my mind cause one day i can like and hate some stuff in other day I like other things that contradict the ones that I said before. I can't avoid it, it has become natural to me now. I have become so good in this that I simply don't care anymore I just want to be succesful with my so much friends that are tools that will ease my works just because I agree with stuff that they like that I originally don't care of and crush others who I simply don't like or are straight useless. I have made so many personas and egos of myself that I never notice I will never be able to see my true self

>>7261 lol that bitch is dumb as fuçk. what a $hill.

>>7261 we know it's you bloodaxe

me schizotypal ocd autist but somehow have GF

>>7255 There are both fake and real IQ tests available online too. Doesn't mean that the whole theory of IQ is bullsoykaf. The good MBTI tests are not self diagnosis, the forms are submitted to an AI which was designed with the help of university psychologists. And if MBTI is bullsoykaf, why no psychologist ever have been able to scientifically prove it ?

>>7258 You yourself cannot disprove Peterson scientifically and you probably haven't watched a single video of his. I suggest you watch his conversation on Joe Rogan's podcast.

>>7261 Good for you mate. I lover her videos too.

>>7266 Wow, you know, this was addressed in Kokoro Connect, you should watch that Anime.

>>7261 beta male incel !

>>7270 no, it's another person

>The Mental Illness Thread Quite literally fuarrrk soykaf cunt beta male incel chink nigger spic soyboy coalburner glitterboyinni Present Day, Present Time! AHAHAHAHAHA!

>>6929 Such petty dreams. >>6938 >I know that I am not crazy Are you sure? Even the absolutely deranged instinctively know that they're not crazy. People like us walk the line between sanity and madness. Don't get me wrong, you sound fine but it's something to be careful of. >it is very hard to keep ones head sometimes after stumbling down the magic rabbit hole. It can be but you must. It's alright to have your head in the clouds but you must keep your feet on the ground. >I figure that could be cured if I had a loving wife. Sorry, but this one's on you. They're your demons. Bouts of depression are pretty common among people like us, it can even be very constructive. >>6951 Ultimately, that's all we're ever doing. >>7019 That's pretty normal. We call the two sides the left hand and right hand. The left is about conscious thought, about rationalism and generally "being awake." What you call your "higher brain" but it's a mistake to imagine that it's more important that the right hand. We need to sleep too. The right is the subconscious, instinct and inspiration. That you can go back and forth between the two isn't necessarily a bad thing. It sounds like you already spend a lot of time contemplating, you should try meditating. >>7046 >I hate to encourage what may be a legitimate illness Is fine. He's not at all mad. >Have you read any literature about it Yep. >have you delved into any of this for the sake of verifying its legitimacy in reality? Nope. Wisdom is my path and my goal. >almost a year ago I decided to create a thoughtform of our true Goddess Lain First rule of magic. Never summon anything bigger than your own head. I mean, errrm, do not call up what ye cannot put down. >via a materialist/psychological school of thought Perfectly good for a school of thought. Just don't make the same mistake and assume that occultists have all the answers. There is no one school of thought that can explain our reality and skilfully refined and applied almost any school of thought can product good results. I could have chosen to write that paragraph about the left and right hand with a neuroscience bent and explained it in terms of hemispheres of the brain. Though I'd have felt obliged to put a disclaimer that it's just a theory and neuroscience is nowhere near advanced enough to give solid answers. It doesn't matter so much what you do as how you do it. Learn from everything you see. >if there's actually something greater than this phenomenon being 'all in the head' Where else would it be? We live in a dream world. Reality is an absurdly complicated mess of equations the full extent of which is outside of the bounds of our intelligence. Our world, everything we've ever seen or touched was created for us by our brains in just the same way that any dream was. >I won't be damned to believe any of it without some solid proof, though. Good. Hold on to that. >>7082 >They honestly ignore me when I start going into details on anything. It's probably just too far outside their comfort zone. Most people's experiences with comforting people end at dead relatives. They just don't have a clue what to say. >developed schizophrenia Nah, you can't develop schizophrenia. You're either born with it or you're not. >I've already felt like I'm also suffering from some sort of personal disorder. You might be. It sounds a little like BPD but I can't really tell from the other side of the internet. >>7139 Auditory hallucinations are very common. Most people have them (usually saying their name) and don't really pay it much mind. The big thing that differentiates this from schizophrenia is that you know if it's 'the voices in head' or not. You might think you heard your plant threaten to kill your family but you'd still know that it can't make good on that threat.

>>7324 >Nah, you can't develop schizophrenia. You're either born with it or you're not. idk if what i'm saying is obvious/does not constitute a "development of schizophrenia", but 1. schizophrenia usually kicks in in someone's early twenties and is quite rare in children, and 2. psychosis/paranoia/etc. definitely can be induced - "developped" - trauma, drug use, certain infections, etc. are oft cited causes

>>7324 >can't develop schizophrenia someone doesn't know what they are talking about.

>>7328 >schizophrenia usually kicks in in someone's early twenties Oh yeah. When I say you're born with it or you're not I don't mean the symptoms. I mean the ability to display symptoms at all. >psychosis/paranoia/etc. definitely can be induced Yeah, they can and it can be nasty. >>7332 It's almost certain that there's a genetic element to schizophrenia as identical twins raised apart are much more likely to be schizophrenic if the other is. There's also the brain structure differences implying that it's something that's latent and not actually caused by the triggers. Honestly I only meant it as a offhand comment to quiet fears that that guy might be developing schizophrenia. He's not and there's very good odds that it's impossible for him.

i'm borderline, with a severe depression. i often destroy everything, including myself. i'm thinking about killing myself every day, and it's really hard to me to experience positive things correctly.

>>7324 Stop giving him pop psychology advice from some life couch. He needs to listen to Jordan Peterson if he is serious about self-improvement

>>7340 >Stop giving him pop psychology >He needs to listen to Jordan Peterson

>>7345 >implies Peterson is a pop psychologist. >does not know Peterson has the most field experience and had taught in many ivy league universities throughout his career.

>>7346 neat. so you appeal to authority? that's nice

>>7349 What do you appeal to ? Your beliefs which you have declared your God ?

>>7351 oh boy let's be deconstructionists. i'm sure that is a productive worldview plus the classic tu quoque attempt after you're called out on the initial fallacy

The last six posts or so seem kind of scripted, like socratic dialogues or something. I'm not convinced it's really two different people arguing.

>>7338 Ouch, I'd give you a hug if I could. I know it would be very hard for you to go but it is treatable with therapy. I do implore you but if that's not for you try to remind yourself that it's ok to have such intense emotion, no matter the cause. Though of course destructive behaviours due to it are another matter. >>7346 >does not know Peterson has the most field experience No. He has none. He's been in academia all his life and if you read up the thread you'll see that that doesn't count for much at all. He and the rest of his field have been working with really bad data. Psychologists with field experience are mostly either one trick ponies (usually cbt) or very eclectic and either way they don't often have that much knowledge of the academic side of things. Maybe for the best in hindsight. >>7363 Yeah, probably just trolling. I can't imagine that it's anyone's genuine attempt to convince people of something.

>>7363 ha ha, does seem that way now that i look. for what it's worth i'm not bloodaxe, but there's no anon way to verify that i just like calling logical fallacies, sue me

>>7361 Psychology is a fallacy ? You sound like one of those peopled who say maths is racist because black people are bad at it.

>>7367 you are fake news. Peterson has worked in the worst and the best hospitals of Canada.

>>7381 if you think i was saying psychology was your fallacy you need to reevaluate your priorities your fallacy was holding an authority figure's opinion to necessarily be absolute truth. authority figures are provably just as fallible as normal joes.

>>7383 When something backed by hardcore empirical data extracted from rigorous research and experimentation, you cannot call it a "fallacy" without sounding like a gender wage gap fanatic.

>>7381 Psychology in and of itself isn't fake, but there's more pseudoscience in psychology than in any other field of research. Physics isn't fake, but that doesn't mean everything anyone calling themselves a physicist ever said is correct. >>7389 Most of it's not backed by hard data or experimentation. Most of their experiments can't be replicated and most of their data is taken from samples that aren't large enough to be statistically significant.

>>7390 >Psychology in and of itself isn't fake, but there's more pseudoscience in psychology than in any other field of research. You are thinking of psychiatry and big pharma. 7 of my friends study clinical psychology and they all say that hardy anyone in the whole wide world disagree with any statements of Peterson regarding psychology. >Most of it's not backed by hard data or experimentation. Most of their experiments can't be replicated and most of their data is taken from samples that aren't large enough to be statistically significant. fake news

>>7390 Use your head man. You're being trolled. If you want to use it as a jumping off point to talk about psychology as a field or the fact that Petersons credentials (which don't include any field experience, look it up) are literally a negative with the current state of the field then great. That's an interesting enough thing to discuss but don't get emotionally involved. Of you aren't enjoying yourself just walk away and that's good advice even if the person isn't the most obvious troll in the world.

>>7395 > fake news Oh my god... has the level of discourse on this site really sunk this low? That is not a valid argument, ever.

>>7395 >You are thinking of psychiatry and big pharma. They're just as bad as each other. >>7401 This person doesn't seem to be a native Lainon. Fake news exists, but this site holds itself to a higher standard. When people here call fake news on something, they give reasoning for why this is the case instead of just saying "anything that critiques the mainstream is fake lol!"

>>7396 Prove that he had never worked in any hospital in Alberta Canada.

>>7403 >This person doesn't seem to be a native Lainon. Yes, I am new to image boards in general. This is the first time I am interacting on an image board. The only past experience I remember is reading about anime stuff on 4chan when I was little.

Suicidal, but trying to not be. Finally got myself to a psychiatrist who put me on a bunch of counselling waitlists and prescribed some mild anti-depressants. She also helped me frame my suicidal thoughts as a habit I have. I've sort of been using them to comfort myself, thinking things like "well if it gets any worse I can always kill myself." Getting help is good, lainons.

>>7408 Watch some of Jordan Peterson's videos, all your problems will be solved.

>>7409 BREAKING: COMPLEX, BARELY UNDERSTOOD MENTAL ILLNESS CURED BY DUDE ON YOUTUBE Give me a fuarrrking break. Anyone who promises a simple, universal solution to a complex, personal problem is bursting with soykaf. >>7408 >getting help is good, lainons. A hundred times yes. Go get help. If you have issues, go get help now. People think seeking help for their mental issues is a weakness, or something they will be stuck in for a while. The reality is once you get help you may not need it again. Depending on how fuarrrked your brainpan is, you might need repeat visits, but for the most part, getting help is a very short period of time. Mental health is like physical health; it can be damaged with prolonged or traumatic stress, and requires healing. If you haven't sought help already, go do it, because you are gonna find that the psychologist/psychiatrist sorts you out, diagnoses you, and then gives you mental (sometimes pharmaceutical; don't be stupid, these drugs change your brain) tools to calibrate. Then you calibrate. And you get better. And you move on with your life. Mental illness does NOT have to be permanent. It is an injury of sorts. Chronic, untreatable mental illness is much rarer than you think. Go get your fuarrrked up head sorted cause you only get one life and spending it miserable is a waste of really precious time.

>>7410 >BREAKING: COMPLEX, BARELY UNDERSTOOD MENTAL ILLNESS CURED BY DUDE ON YOUTUBE You are fake newsing again. He is a very experienced professor of psychology.

No offense to the "just get help" voices ITT but the simple fact is, help isn't available to everyone. Maybe you have to pay thousands of dollars (and crazy people are of course known for being high earners right?) or you live in a country with supposed socialized medicine but the bureaucracy is so clogged and the services so underfunded you either get nothing at all or sub-standard help. Going that route causes me so much stress it's easier just to be crazy and survive without them.

>>7414 not him but he's a conservative stupid fuarrrk who won't "fix" anyone's suicidal thoughts

>>7415 Not to mention when you have serious depressive and anxiety issues its almost impossible to put up with any of it short of putting yourself away in the nuthouse and putting up with huge problems later. Also many people reported bad experiences with mental health professionals, not to say all of them are bad or that its a scam, but some are actually. Telling a mentally ill person to "get help" is the equivalent of giving someone the middle finger. While its true that they need help one way or another, many will be scared and even in denial, some just cannot get help. As someone else once said it: getting health for mental problems sometimes is like having to run a marathon to get broken legs fixed. I can speak from experience here.

>>7419 > the equivalent of giving someone the middle finger It basically means "I don't want to deal with you anymore but I'm too pussy to say it and/or it will make me look insensitive so I'll say something that sounds like it's proactive as I abandon you".

I have emotionally unstalble personality disorder. Soon to go to a clinic for therapies that will last for 9 months during which I have to stop school. I abuse substances a lot, I do self harm and I have an insane fear from others not valuing me enough that it makes me anxious just writing it down right now. I had a huge breakdown while I got obsessed with the though that my girl is leaving me and made a huge scene over it (to the point I risked my life). Which ultimately made her leave me. And yeah, something like that iswhat I'm strugling with for the past year

>>7416 ad hominem >>7422 I would recommend you to try my primordial man therapy (7207) .

>>7427 ooo look who's so fúcking good at recognizing fallacies when he's not the one making them. gold star kiddo, good work

>>7430 Ad hominem means you can't find a logical way to deal with what someone said so you attack their identity instead. For example calling someone a "conservative" or "kiddo", as if that will somehow invalidate their point. Don't do that.

>>7431 im gonna keep it real with you chief i stopped recognizing him as a real participant in this thread a while ago and have been poking fun for my amusement since. i feel no real obligation to proofread myself for fallacies when talking to him

>>7432 2 kool 4 scool

>>7432 Yeah because you weren't able to prove shiet ! haha

>>7434 i dont have to prove shít, you're making the assertions and i just call you out on your bad logic. chalk another fallacy up on the board; shifting the burden of proof.

>>7435 2cool4school

>>7432 >i feel no real obligation to proofread myself for fallacies when talking to him The implication being that illogical bad faith posts happen by accident, but because you are being a cunt.

>>7436 Psychology is not an assertion of illiterate fuarrrk !

Compared to what some of you have, I've got nothing. I've got anxiety issues, sometimes have a crisis, take Diazepam. It is like kicking dead whales down the beach being on benzos but hey, it's what it is.

I couldn't find a more appropriate thread. Any ideas on suicide methods that do not look like suicide? No pep talk, i'm far, far past that. I just don't wanna burden others.

Depends on what you mean by "do not look like suicide", do you want it for insurance purposes where just "unexplained death" is OK, do you want it to look like an accident, do you need it to be absolutely unquestionable that it wasn't a suicide? That last is pretty hard to do. But you can always arrange for yourself to have an plausable 'accident'. Some random suggestions off the top of my head, which may or may not help you -Setup a delayed fuse that will set your house on fire after some time, take poison like Pentobarbital / OD of heroin, /whatever, let the fire hide all evidence (could be found on an autopsy, but even if they do find it it would look like murder, not suicide). -Decide to take up an extreme sport like mountain climbing, or base jumping/sky diving. Sabotage your equipment. -Buy a motorcycle and don't wear a helmet, make the crash look accidental -In cold climates in winter you can use an old kerosene powered space heater as a Carbon monoxide generator, sleep with it in a sealed room. (Depending on the heater this has a decent chance of working) -If you know a dealer, get into heroin have an "accidental" overdose, leave signs that point to you being a long time user if possible. -If you live near road hazards, cliffs and the like, "accidentally" drive off during bad road conditions (normal accidents probably wont kill you these days unless your car is ancient as hell or you can somehow get t-bones by a semi-truck) -Find some bar or party venue with a rooftop overlook, get drunk and "Accidentally" fall off the side, or get into a fight and get pushed -Pay/trick some junkie or lowlife to shoot you in a [staged] mugging -Go to a foreign country on vacation and just don't come back, wander into the Amazon rainforest or whatever and no one's gonna find your body, they'll just assume you died like the other idiot tourists. The main problem with all of these though is they aren't 100% obviously accidents if they are looked into, and none of them absolutely guarantee death. Good luck anyways anon, I believe in you.

Mentally I'm predisposed to anxiety and depression. After an inciting incident, I took some Prozac for 6 months in high school and stopped early, after I felt so got-dang happy that it was unsettling. I was smiling for the first time in years, but really didn't like pills having that much affect on all my thoughts. I believe it changed my emotional range but I don't really have a way to go back and measure it. Nowadays I just get anxiety attacks related to social stuff or allergies, and feel myself almost shutting down, but I pull through. College is hard at times and I'll skip school to mope and cry for no good reason. I'll worry that I'm just faking it too. Besides mental illness striking at times I have it easier than most people. I feel the despair, but it is less crushing. Instead I'm just resigned to laziness and doing what I want all the time, which is dangerous in itself but better than never leaving the bed. My people skills have come so far from being a gamer always on the internet in kindergarten. I feel bad when I meet peers who are so obviously fresh, and have to experience/learn from today's internet environment. I've come a long way and hope lainons have the same opportunity to grow. A lot of it is luck. I was lucky enough to have friends who forced me to go out and subconsciously taught me social stuff. Then the first few girls I was with taught me very different lessons. >>7453 After reading through the thread, I hope you're trolling. You write like a foreigner or someone lacking any self-awareness, as if this was Facebook.

>>9516 >>9514 Kind of funny story here. In 2013 I had been exercising for a year, was now in great shape, ate well and made a real effort to socialize (even found a GF). All things I thought might be holding me back from feeling happy. I still wasn't. I'd "tried" antidepressants, weed, the whole nine yards. I knew I was ready to end it and it wasn't going to be like the last times I tried. I bought 10 "bags" of heroin off the silk road, having read this would be enough to kill me (never had tried pills, much less heroin before in my life). I snorted a bag when I got it, ended up puking a lot but had an absolutely insanely good time. Did the same thing the next night. Couldn't find all the bags so I finally took all remaining 8 bags and tried to "inject" myself with them. Had never done so before in my life but still caused me to "fall out". I woke up the next day feeling fantastic. In fact, the past 3 days had been some of the best of my entire life. I'll spare you the details of the intervening period I'm a heroin addict now and I haven't tried to kill myself since (wouldn't recommend heroin to anyone).

>>9524 >>9516 Tried, gave up again. Third time now. Can't take it anymore, can't even off myself. Tried with all drugs i had available but nothing happened. Thanks for the help either way, as Lain above me said, overdose isn't a good method of suicide, it's impossible to know how much your body can take and drugs are expensive. Unless you know exactly what you're doing and how much will make you OD, try something else.

>>9517 > You write like a foreigner Lain comes from many different countries, you'd know that if you were here even one day.

>>9528 You're right, foreigner is not the best term. Do you think I just meant nationality? You can be foreign to many places. I meant he writes as if he doesn't know English very well.

>>9527 Sorry to hear it anon. Normally I would have suggested something more reliable out of the PPH, but they make it pretty clear it's suicide. I wish I could have been more help. I hope your life gets less miserable in any case.

>>9524 >wouldn't recommend heroin to anyone If you don't mind me asking, why is that? Is it related to cost and reliable supply problems or something inherent to the experience of heroin itself? I've been wanting to try it, hoping that it would at least make my remaining days less miserable, or else end in an OD (I'm too cowardly for a straightforward suicide), but if it just turns to soykaf after some use I won't even bother.

I am not sure how to describe myself. I get into deep states of anger over fictional or fictionalized debates and arguments in my head. I keep imagining scenarios that never happened and will never happen in my head. Among these fictional arguments include... 1. Arguments with college professors and high school teachers I will never see again. 2. Arguments with supervisors over matters that when actually discussed, went over smoothly without misinterpretation. 3. Arguments with parents over matters long passed and matters that were handled smoothly. 4. Arguments with colleagues who I will never see again. 5. Arguments based upon conversations held in the past even if the conversations went smoothly. These scenarios play out almost every day with me screaming in my mind, marching around angrily, and sometimes striking a wall with the palm of my hand. The subjects of these arguments vary from historical information (researching archaeology is a hobby of mine), religious context (philology is also a hobby especially related to Germanic, Slavic, Celtic, and Baltic paganism), certain political and social matters which I will not specify at all, and technological matters of trying to keep my stuff from being mistakingly thrown out due to a parent not understanding my wish to keep things I may appear to not use anymore. Other matters may appear such as ones related to science or pseudoscience as well as recent "current events" despite the imaginary arguments being with people from the past. Sometimes scenarios play out well with me imagining a calm discussion and exchange of ideas while others involve heated arguments with imaginary yelling and sometimes thoughts of violence. These scenarios play over and over in my head as if I cannot walk away from the thought of college or high school even though it has been several years since I have been to school. It is also always the same faces in my mind. It is also always the same voices. If I ever had wishes that could be granted, one of them would be for memory loss concerning experiences at college both the one that I received my useless business degree and the one I chose to abandon when realizing how meaningless it would be to get a second degree. It would be to forget those faces and to forget any discussions I may really have had with certain people. That alone would help relieve so much stress and help me enjoy life a little more. Any other issues I have involve being able to develop and maintain friendships but that has to do with my past of friendships going to soykaf for dumb reasons. I have a hard time trying to start and hold conversations. I could have a form of Asperger's Syndrome but I do not know. It could just be a mild social anxiety but I have no issue going outside to public places such as the arcade, bars, grocery stores, restaurants, and work. I can look people in the eye just fine and with absolute focus. Either way, I have something going on and I don't know how to deal with it besides trying to focus my mind on other things.

disorganized schizophrenia (also known as hebephrenia) here anyone else dealing with this?

>>7258 Marxism is not a grand narrative about humanity. Marx wrote about concrete observations, not narratives (if we're talking about his books)

I have depersonalization, which eventually led to depression. I'm a pretty functional person, for the most part, but I also tend to be extremely reserved. Nothing feels real to me, and so social interactions can be an issue unless I just tell people what they want to hear.

>>9657 I've got schizofreniform, but it's been 18 months and despite not having symptoms most of the time I'm still taking pills so I guess it's schizophrenia proper? I know I'd have psychosis immediately if I went off the meds. I absolutely needed them at the time but it is like kicking dead whales down the beach because now I'm dependent and I don't know if I'll ever get off them. I'm not familiar with hebephrenia, and reading about it doesn't help much. Does it mean you have trouble focusing / keeping your thoughts in one place?

ever since I was a kid, in the dark I would imagine things. They would be so REAL, like I could totally believe they might really pop out of the darkness. A misshapen hand. A ghostly face. A chupacabra. A monstrous horror whose terrifying smile I can see all too clearly. I've never actually seen one, but I think if I did I would lose it completely. I've had to get really good at coping with extreme anxiety all the time, sometimes it still gets to me though. It's rarely in bed, it's when I'm walking around alone in a house late at night. I feel like if I go into a room and turn on a light I'll see something horrifying. There was a period last year when I did truly think I was going crazy, everything just felt threatening and I couldn't think anything straight. I went to therapy but it was totally worthless. It went away after a few weeks and I actually felt better afterwards than I have in years. Nowadays I feel an incredible amount of positivity almost everywhere. Still get short, intense bouts of depression though.

I don't have any mental illness, just smalls symptoms from time to time, I don't think it will become anything bigger than that. Since I was a kid I can sometimes hear my dad calling, sometimes nowadays I hear my dog or cat screaming (it's not loud). And once I had an amazing and scary experience, I read a story, in the end it said that if you should do a ritual at 3AM if you didn't you want to get killed, I just ignored it. HOWEVER, I woke up at the middle of the night, I was so scared I couldn't move, than I felt something touching my feet, rly scary.

>>9663 Huh, I had depression and then got a minor case of denationalization from drug use. Gotta say, it's actually an improvement. The less I feel or think the better, and the real world was never a friend to me.

>>6929 you're a narcissist, not a psychopath. psychopaths don't care enough about other people to impose anything on their personalities -- just their bodies. violence is meaningful to them but dominance isn't.

A psychiatrist said I have schizoid personality disorder some years ago. I've only made one friend on my own, because he sat next to me for 3 years in a trade school, but my mom kindof made friends for me when I was younger and I did actually form relationships with those people. I drifted away from them more and more during hs and never saw them again after I graduated. I never told the psych or anyone about the fantasies I have but they match up pretty well with what I've read about spd. I have lots of large "worlds" involving things like post-apocalypses and space colonization. I have many versions of an AI takeover. There is mainly one post-cyberpunk version where the machines create a utopian society and humans are able to lead fulfilling lives despite not having any part in scientific/ technological advancement or having much say in the politics of the machines' globalized regime. The rest are variations on a dystopian world with varying levels of darkness. When I was younger I used to think that these were ideas for movies or novels but I eventually realized I just enjoyed thinking about them on their own. A lot of my fantasies are actually complete ideas for games/movies/novels; I haven't given up my creative goals but I'm just trying to focus on programming games right now because all my attempts at anything else have never been finished and what little I did make took a very long time. Anyway I have fantasies ranging in size/complexity from ones I've had my whole life to ones that I forget about after a day. I don't know if this is related but everyday I obsess over events that happened throughout my life(things that were very upsetting like failing a road test, or sometimes less serious things like something embarrassing I said in school) and imagine different ways I could've handled the situation or things I wish I'd said. Sometimes I think of comebacks or insults or sometimes I kill the person or beat them up. It can be very frustrating when I am watching or playing something because I can't stop imagining someone I hate standing behind me and watching what I'm doing, and then I have to justify why I'm watching it to someone that isn't even there. When I listen to music I always go into this obsession/fantasy about a time in school where this kid got a chance to show heavy metal to our teacher and I always have to think about playing this song for my class, even if it isn't a song I like which will result in the expected embarrassment as it plays out in my head. Or sometimes its picking the perfect song for that memory, or playing music over the loudspeakers at school or where I work currently. >>9656 >If I ever had wishes that could be granted, one of them would be for memory loss I wish that a lot too. No matter how much I reason that my obsessions waste my time and make me miserable it doesn't stop them from coming back. Recently I've been trying to just push the thought away as soon as it starts to happen and it's hard but I think if I keep it up for long enough they'll come back less. "I" start resorting to different obsessions than the usual ones or ones that I might not immediately notice are malignant. I get kind of scared when I think about it working and I worried that maybe I actually need to think about these things somehow but maybe I'm just afraid of change. Anyway, I thought this might help with your symptoms. I just try to recognize an obsession when it starts to happen and say "just forget about it" or "just let it go". Then I try to think about something else.

>>9790 >>If I ever had wishes that could be granted, one of them would be for memory loss >I wish that a lot too. Another Schizoid here, funnily enough I have a condition where I am unable to consciously access personal memories. It's OK actually, unfortunately it also means I cannot fantasize, as the reason I cannot access my memories seems to be because of a malfunction with the part of my brain that creates mental imagery. That part is like kicking dead whales down the beach, like really really is like kicking dead whales down the beach. I have all of the bad of SPD without any of the good parts. I am totally creatively dead, so I have to steal all my fantasy from other people's creative works. Not having memories also really makes it hard to justify living. No matter what I do it just passes into oblivion. Each new moment is like the death of the person I was in the preceding one. No matter how hard I try to hold onto occurrences, feelings, sensations, they end up slipping through my fingers. It doesn't bother me as much anymore, but according to diary entries, it used to.

>>7077 You describe me almost exactly. It's feels strange to read this in detail. I also dream of my fantasies being revealed as though i am a prophet, and my characters redeemed before a friend, or group/movement that is meaningful to me. It is difficult to navigate life when I am so delusional and terribly paranoid. I have these weird feelings of being different characters and honestly, I don't know if I should go on because I have written about it in different places and I usually am told that they don't understand a single thing I'm writing, I mean I could go on is what I'm saying but its scary when I write or say something that I think makes perfect sense and then I am told that it is nonsense. I think I am better off only imagining talking to people as I imagine myself imagining talking to myself in different situations.

im not sure but i have to start intensive therapy next semester at request of my college free counselor/psychiatrist. she took a very special interest in me for some reason and i'm thankful for it. She is capable of giving diagnosis just not out of the school, and i had some kind of severe depression she said was most likely. it's going to be really rough though. its 4 days a week and nearly 5 hours on those days. Im really curious if il get any other strange diagnosis. Manic depression runs in the family and it's not an impossibility for me. It's funny nothing especially terrible happened to me, my mom was just severely abused as a kid and I kind of absorbed her horrible life outlook. She tried her best. i'm never going to have a kid unless I can fix that myself. However counselor said shes confident 6 months in the intensive therapy and i might be a whole new person.

I fit the diagnostic criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. Since I was a kid, I was extremely shy and had panic attacks in elementary school. I could function for some time and then something would happen where I would get overwhelmed and end up crying and hyperventilating. I sort of developed some coping mechanisms in middle school, but puberty started and the gradual awareness of my own nature and place in the social hierarchy made me really depressed and I started consciously avoiding any close relationships and strategizing my life around living alone. Now I'm 21 and I've mostly dealt with my anxiety issues through self-helping with cognitive-behavioral therapy and mindfulness, but my interpersonal issues still remain. It's difficult for me to talk to anyone in real life because I can't properly express myself and I feel completely alienated when I compare myself to people my age. Naturally, I feel extremely immature and looking like a kid doesn't help. Most people that know me think I'm super weird and eccentric. Having briefly looked though this thread, I can see that my issues aren't that bad and the result of my bad choices. Still, how do you even begin to change your personality once it becomes this ingrained? The little literature that exists on AvPD isn't at all optimistic about any radical change.

>>9747 many psychopaths are narcissistic.

>>11287 all psychopaths are by definition narcissistic... it is a combination of high charisma, narcisism, and Machiavellianism

I was diagnosed as autistic, but I'm not. Trying to get that fixed. I'm extremely shy and apathetic, so maybe I have APD/depression, but I'm not a psychologist and you can't accurately self diagnose, so maybe I just have soykafty personality traits. Seeing a psych soon, hopefully afterwards I'll understand myself a little better.

>>11283 From what I have read and experienced mushrooms are one of the only ways to see significant changes in personality. You also need to change your exterior world to change your interior one.

New user just passing through looking for a chan to call home, thought I would add a worthless post to the thread before never posting again. I don't like porn and masturbation addiction.

ge t the ro p e ready :PP

>diagnosed with assburgers as a young teenager >now I'm 24 and a psychiatrist has finally confirmed I'm not autistic in the slightest, I just have social phobia and depression I wasted ~10 years thanks to a misdiagnosis. Feel relieved, and at the same time like I literally could murder the retards who derailed my life with their fuarrrkup. Now I have to put more effort into un-screwing my mind, Christ knows how long it'll be until I'm operating like a normal human being. It'll be fun explaining this employment gap in job interviews without bursting into tears and screaming about useless NHS psychiatrists.

I'm currently suffering from suicidal thoughts because of perceived failure, but other than that my life is fine. I'm not really sure what to do. I know I'm upsetting the few close friends I have. One said I should try medication, but I am sceptical that will actually stop me from having these thoughts and I'm concerned about withdrawal symptoms. Another has suggested therapy, while that helped (greatly) with an unrelated issue, I feel like it wouldn't be very useful for this. What do you think, lainons?

>>12552 I think it's too dangerous to tell therapists about suicidal ideation. It could have very bad unwanted repercussions, like being locked up and drugged against your will

>>12548 Yeah, that does indeed suck. It happened to me, and it was bad. But you have the rest of your life ahead of you, and it will likely be a lot better than what your teen years would have been regardless of how you spent them. I had the same thoughts as you did, too, but I realized that my parents were going to be selfish, abusive and an obstacle in any case and they just would have done something else to control me/break me/ruin my life. The medications that I was on very well could have fried my brain, or at the very least they certainly didn't help. But I was able to get a Master's degree, had that misdiagnosis removed and now no one outside of my father and potentially my brother thinks that I am autistic (my mother isn't around anymore), and it has turned out to be water under the bridge for at least seven years or so. Things will look up, concerning that issue. There will come a time when it is no longer fresh in your mind.

>>12548 Similar thing happened here, although I think I actually had it (could not shut up about computers as a young kid, and even now I can't look someone in the eyes without wanting to gouge them out). Got diagnosed sometime in late elementary, and shortly afterward the school started giving me "help" that did anything but. Quiet rooms during tests, some kind of portable word-processor thing, a fuarrrking aide in half of my classes, and other stuff that didn't help me in the slightest. The only thing it managed to accomplish was giving me a retarded-kid reputation that made it damn near impossible for anyone to see me as human. Hell, even now my own family still talks down to me like there's something wrong with me. I ended up having to fix my own problems since it was clear the school didn't want to, they only wanted to make me less annoying for the teachers' sake. It pretty much involved looking up the signs and symptoms of it and trying to hide/correct them on my own, usually by doing the exact opposite of whatever was described. It definitely did more harm than good, but at least it got the school off my back come freshman year. But the damage was already done by that point, I couldn't trust anyone anymore, at least not until the very end of highschool when I made my first true friend. Even then, I was still left unprepared for adulthood and had to spend the next several years figuring life out while all my peers, even the most awkward ones, were having more fun than I could ever dream to. Now that I live away from the scrutiny of family, I've been half-considering seeing a doctor just to see what happens. Maybe it'll turn out I was dealing with something else all along. Maybe I'll find some way to make up for the life experiences I missed growing up. Or maybe not a single thing will improve and I'll have wasted hundreds of dollars. It's feeling like a real gamble at this point. At least tax refunds are coming up soon so I'll have a little money to play with.

>>12548 That's why you always get a second opinion. But honestly, can you even trust that they got it "right" this time? I bet you could visit another psych and get labeled as "bipolar" or "adhd".

I'm perpetually burnt-out and lack the motivation or energy to do anything besides browse the web and waste time. I hardly even have the energy to play video games. Does that count?

I think I'm crazy but I don't care. Being crazy has made me happier and a more fulfilled, positive person than sanity ever did.

>>12553 >>12552 In my experience being honest about suicidal issues with professionals was a positive one. I wasn't sent anywhere or anything crazy. I just talked, planned and worked on whatever problems I could. I'm oversimplifying but in general my experience was very positive

Something's wrong with me. I can't seem to interact with people right. I'm depressed. I have strange dreams. Often my emotional reaction to certain situations is not what it should be, compared to others. I feel like I have a huge amount of sexual or romantic pressure pent up with nowhere to go since I'm a life long KHV. I keep trying to be a faithful Christian but I'm addicted to pornography. I don't know what I want or what I need. Sometimes it feels like pressure builds in my head and I my thoughts race too fast to understand. I'm in the military. The people in my unit get along politely enough with me, if at an arm's length. I don't want to talk to a military psychologist because I'm afraid of being chaptered out. When I was 15 or so I was on antidepressants but didn't tell the recruiters. Since then I've had difficulty remembering details from my childhood on and have felt a kind of brain fog at times. Sometimes people I've never seen before call me by name and ask how I've been. In between when I was 15 and now I got a little better and then slowly started getting more depressed, and the process has been accelerating lately. Am I losing it?

>>12567 Hello fellow mil-lain (also another KVH). you are not the only one like that, In fact I have met no less than a dozen people who have described to various degrees what you have. You are not loosing it. I would suggest you read the forever war by joe haldeman, which describes the nuances and isolation of being in the military. Being down is not a problem if you can function. I dont know what branch or job you do, but you will be alright for a while if you just keep going. How many years until you hit 20 and get that sweet pension? As for the pornography thing, I would suggest you occupy your time with other things. Go to the gym and drown out your thoughts with adrenaline and music (run around the base or stationary bike then lift weights until your body hurts) and you will feel tired enough to sleep. Military chaplains are great people to talk to, and if you do not want to consult with medical, they have confidentiality and will not take action unless you threaten to an-hero. If you just want to talk, they will help you through. My unit had a chaplain give a 30 minute presentation on how porn addiction is bad for you and what you can do to fix it. If you are army, airforce or navy, you will have one on your base, if marines or coast guard you will have navy chaplains available. In the meantime, have this prayer, say it over and over again until all the bad feelings go away and it is the only thing left in your mind You can find no peace until you have made peace with yourself. I browse here quite frequently and will be around as just another lainon like you

>constant obsession with "changing my reality" by changing my beliefs >beliefs mold interpretation of reality >therefor if you can believe in something completely, it exists >even if it doesn't, there would be no difference so yeah. i constantly try to believe in batsoykaf insane stuff because the real world is boring. but it never works. i'm not sure what you call that, but i just wanna be alone and live in fantasyland in my head

>>12567 Some small advice about porn addiction: if you can't beat it head on, the best thing to do might be to replace your porn habit with something milder that you can tolerate. Stick to some sort of softcore porn that doesn't bother you so much, and don't get sucked back in, so you can get rid of the worst parts of porn addiction without fighting your sexuality itself.

>>12578 this is abnormal yet will not always be. We consciously act our values and morals, behind the values and morals lies just aesthetic preference. We have an arbitrary preference for freedom, fairness, whatever it may be. To move one step beyond this is to be where you are now, to let go and realize the aesthetic preference is not hardwired or unchangeable. To change these preferences is to completely change ones reality as you say. But you dont need to stop here even. You could do as you are doing without living in the reality. To be able to peer into the different human realities independent of time and physicality. And also consider that if you can occupy the same reality of any you talked to, the kind of connection that would bring. You seem to still have a preference for "batsoykaf insane stuff", soon that will fade to. You can soon be a mirror almost, or oracle, many will be able to talk to you and see themselves reflected and yet they may not even recognize it, from there you can bring them with you. When a mirror reflects a mirror what does it look like? In that eternal reflection you will no longer speak as humans but something from before time. And yet even this is not the limit but im not aware of whats next. I know this not from myself but because someone else brought me to it just for a moment. im telling you this not to do anything but make sure you do not make an aesthetic preference out of what you are doing. You can go either way at this point but one will trap you and one will set you free. I also do so, so that you can not feel afraid or scared of what you are becoming.

>>12564 Thank you for this post, lainon. I am able to start therapy in two days, and I hope it helps even a little bit.

>>7145 light-switch psychopathy sounds like best psychopathy. thats like being a vigilante who knows when someone has to go.

Well,in my case my mental disease seems to be OCD.I have not actually visited a specialist,I just searched up my symptoms and behaviour. Having OCD is sometimes like being a computer,you have to repeat things based on your thoughts and anxiety and numbers dictate your life. I started having these problems when I was like 8(I am 20 years now)years old I think,it started out small and it kept evolving capturing most of my life,I did manage to gain some control over time but it usually doesn't last long. Well,I have not really talked to many people about this,only like maybe 2 people,it is good that we have this place. I could go on describing my mental illness if anybody wants. It really eats you up,and makes everything important somehow harder,by making you work for it in an unnecessary way. Besides it I also am socially awkward,I mostly stay in the house,I am having trouble making conversation with others and all that. That wraps it up I suppose.

i am codependent, and am in recovery from a drug addiction to heroin. i use other people as a way to motivate myself and give myself worth. i often neglect my emotional self because there is so much around me that could be fixed and helped by me and feel that self sacrifice and martydom is a noble thing to do. i like to augment my feelings and mental state with substances, tools, and activities. i often delude myself. the codependency came from growing up in a codependent house hold, with an alcoholic father and sober but emotionally damaged mother. this lead me to be comfortable when i found opiod addicted gf to call bae and to try to fix, which lead me to develop a heroin addiction. and a year and change into the relationship we were both homeless, her kicked out of houses and me thinking my companioning her into homelessness is the the greatest and most romantic thing i could do . i have been struggling with addiction to heroin for 5 years after that, am clean now, with the help of an intensive in/ out patient program. And am left to try to change my behaviors on my own, develop a relationship with myself and change conditioned patterns that are destructive.

>>6929 Are you trans?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Myth_of_Mental_Illness Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating that people don't have problems, I'm just saying that the core of psychiatry is and has always been to isolate, ostracize and stigmatize unwanted behavior that goes against the status quo (i.e. a political problem). It does this by taking away the basic freedom of the person, saying "you don't know what's good for you because you have X disease" or "you don't know what you are doing, we'll lock you up so you don't hurt yourself or others". Socially unacceptable behaviors become disease and acceptable behaviors become health. The main problem here is coercion. Day by day the methods of coercion become subtler. The issue about freedom gets tricky because it quickly becomes an ethical discourse where it should remain a purely political discourse about liberating yourself from psychiatry (Iatrocracy, Pharmacracy). It becomes ethical when it touches topics such as suicide and drug use. Now, if there is something organically wrong with your brain (e.g. Alzheimer's disease or Parkinson's disease) then you get treated by a neurologist, not a psychiatrist. Just making this clear so you understand I'm not saying brain diseases don't exist. What I am saying is that mind diseases don't exist, that behaviors per se can't be diseases. Finally, I want to say that I'm not a libertarian at all. I know this position about mental illness is based in libertarian ideals (at least, from Szasz point of view) but the uprising of the psychiatric patients against the violence of psychiatry is not a purely libertarian phenomenon (see SPK). I hope this post can help people. Feel free to reply with arguments against or supporting what I've said. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LoSgdpHnUk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC9r3Gs8XuU

I know a couple people who've been through the Provo Canyon School in Utah, and they claimed to have been raped and beaten. Of course one of them also claims to have been brainwashed and trained as a supersoldier, and to have multiple personalities and superpowers, so he's an unreliable witness at best. Does anyone know more about Provo? Apparently Paris Hilton went there, and she's the very picture of mental health.

>>13014 yelp reviews make it sound like a gulag or labour camp >I went to a hell hole called cascade. I met quite a few students who had been inmates here. They all said it was far worse - stuff that's not legal like making kids work 12 hours chopping wood in the snow - worse than cascade. I cannot imagine as cascade was closed due to many many lawsuits and death of a few students. I myself (1992) had hepatitis from contaminated food I was served almost died. They refused to take me the hospital and my liver is not the same. Honestly, just love your kids bc sending them to receive abuse - sexual, physical and psychological will only screw them up more. >This, for us, consists of a partial hospitalization program from 8-4 each day for 2 and 1/2 weeks with family therapy both at this program, as well as with a private family counselor. Add in psychiatry appointments, administration twice daily of a rather exotic psych med regimen, >Imagine throwing your your child into a juvenile hall rather than what the website sells you, which is a state of the art treatment facility staffed by the best therapists money can buy. This is a disciplinary facility, the likes of which are illegal in my home state. I was not allowed outside to breathe fresh air or see the sun the first several months for being deemed manipulative and a "flight risk" after I was denied phone calls with my family because I would cry about wanting to go home and explain to my family why I didn't belong there and that I felt in over my head with the other older residents with more severe issues. If I had to guess, rumors of abuse (emotional/physical/sexual) are probably true, since the quality of administration seems to have little information, and is probably sourced with bottom of the barrel "professionals," but physical and emotional abuse is almost guaranteed at any "correctional facility" if it is called that officially or not.

>>13014 Apparently fuarrrking the staff got some people extra privileges >Disgusting place. I was forcefully sent here by my parents who are no longer really in the picture nor have control over me. I was a total whore here and slept around and did whatever I pleased as the perverted staff liked me. I saw so much you cannot even imagine. Abuse after abuse. The stabilization/investment unit being the worst of the worst. Absolute in humane acts. Do not recommend sending your son here. Although I had my fair amount of fun, (sex on the daily with the boys there as they were cute, staying up, rebellion, doing whatever I pleased), most will not have this. I was one of the very few lucky ones. I had it very easy. The amount of abuse here is absolutely terrible.

I decided last week that I'm finally going to see a therapist, but now I'm at the point where I'm wondering if it'll even be worth it. On one hand I just feel like it's time I talked to a professional about this depression or loneliness or self-hatred or whatever the hell it might be. I've talked about it a bit with the one person I regularly keep in touch with, but I just don't want to sound like a whiny asshole by discussing it too much. Plus they've got enough on their plate, so I don't want to burden them even more and make it feel like I'm just using them. But on the other hand, there's a general distrust of therapy people seem to have, especially on sites like this, and it's rubbed off on me. Plus I'm afraid it won't help anyway, or it'll turn out the problems I have aren't that big to begin with and aren't worth seeing a therapist over. Or they'll just prescribe me antidepressants, and we all know how fun those things are.

Students with ADHD/ADD, do you have any advice for studying? Adderall helps me a ton to maintain focus on tasks, but I still have no control over where that goes, so the tough part has been working around myself to create spaces where I don't get distracted by anything other than my studies. The single most important thing for me is to keep my phone and laptop clear away from me when studying, but a lot of my work necessitates it. I generally prefer reading and writing on a screen, but trying to do so is almost always condemning myself to getting no work done, even if I disable the wifi or use a website blacklist. Has anyone else had the same issue?

Honestly I'm pretty over it. Nothing good ever happens to me anymore and I hate to sound whiney but there's really no other way to say it. Been waiting for years upon years upon years but soykaf never changes. I need to build up courage to actually kill myself. I'm scared of the afterlife as so many people push ideologies onto me and sometimes they get to me. Therapy hasn't worked in years and hobbies have faded into insignificance. Never have motivation to do soykaf anymore. I'm failing school and life, losing friends and relationships for seemingly no reason. I have come to assume I've ruined them with my endless complaining. I've tried to change more times than I can count but ultimately results in more pain. The people I love couldn't care less about me so I'm probably just gonna end it all soon enough <3

>>13393 Oh cut it, there sure does happen enough stuff that could make you feel good, right around you or some place on the web. There is just no other way. How you percieve things, what are your expectations - that probably has more to do with lack of positive experiences rather than the actual abscensce thereof. The misaligment of what you expect with what you percieve could sure cause a lot of grief. Ditch your expectetions, get a fresh look at what and who is around you; meditate to understand yourself better. Ugh, there a lot to be done, quit whining and get to it, please.

I wasn't able to talk to the others kids in the kindergarten, for some reason I was extremely scared whenever forced to speak so I avoided verbal communication for years, I just remained silent all the time. Years later I discovered that this thing is called selective mutism. I was never treated, the fear just gradually dissipated along the years but my communicative skills were broken forever. Though I can talk now without feeling fear, it appears that I don't know how to properly socialize, I project an atmosphere of discomfort and inadequacy. I have a question after seeing all these case of mental illnesses in just one thread: are mental illnesses a default characteristic of human beings or are they produced by the modern environment we habit, i.e, an unwanted secondary effect of life in civilization?

>>13400 mental illnesses and other hardships are just a fact of life, but our society is absolutely soykaf at dealing with it.

>>13397 Geez, you left out "hit the gym". I think you misunderstand what Lain is going through. Anhedonia is a real phenomena and all the bright lights in the universe seem meaningless when you are under its spell because you simply lack the ability to enjoy anything or a see a positive side to anything. It's not a simple matter of finding something that makes one happy when the mechanism that allows one feel happiness at all is malfunctioning. If you haven't experienced it, you can't offer helpful advice.

>>13403 the "mechanism that allows one to feel happiness" is not really well understood and idk how one could separate that from experiencing things that make one happy. Nobody really knows how SSRI's pr psychedelics do what they do to combat depression(they're probably at least a little bit placebo), but it's pretty clear that the effects are highly subjective and it's not just a matter of somehow changing your brain's wiring behind the scenes.

>>13403 Lain hardly needs an excuse. What'd you think to be a good course still?

>>13404 I never said drugs were the answer. I never even mentioned them. >>13405 I don't know, nothing has worked for me either. Whatever you're about to suggest, I've tried it.

>>13407 > removing the stressors from your life Wow, just like that huh? You make it sound so easy.

>>13406 >I never said drugs were the answer. I never even mentioned them. I know, I'm just using them as an example of why the "chemical imbalance" view of depression/mental illness is really one-dimensional, the way we fix things from a chemical perspective still relies heavily on unknown and subjective processes.

>>13051 Same poster here, I discovered something surprisingly effective. Sipping on sugar water while working keeps me going for WAY longer than usual. I also take breaks every couple hours for light exercise.

>>6928 For about 90% of people in this thread Your not mentally ill unless it is legitimately diagnosed, self-diagnosing yourself is always incorrect, you are mostly likely romanticising the idea of mental illness in itself due to some sort media you read/watched recently. Step back and truly identify what the fuarrrk is wrong in your life. Actually write it down, then look around for pathways to solve each problem. Just writing it down can let you see the reality of your situation, it may not be as bad as what you think, and if it is, its your starting point to get a place you wanna be.

>>13428 how do you suppose that is, im not looking at the argument you are having by the way. I just think thats kind of dumb. people go to therapists and get diagnosed because something is already wrong, thats a form of self diagnosis. Id reckon most people with depression already diagnosed themselves as depressed before they went in. Likewise that isnt true that you only have mental illness when you are diagnosed, otherwise psychiatrists would be the leading cause of mental illness. no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Some people misdiagnosing themselves even if it were a majority doesnt equate to what you are saying. It also would vary depending on what mental illness it is. Also many things like depression are based off what you inwardly feel anyways, you yourself literally fill out a chart usually describing your symptoms and they ask you some questions after. Part of diagnosing someone is in a way them diagnosing themselves. Rarely does someone fill out that chart with all these symptoms and the psychiatrist or psychologist asks some unforseen question that totally shows you dont have whatever you probably already reaearched and thats why you are going there in the first place.

>>13429 also I understand what you are saying if he is self prescribing medication or treating himself. But that isnt diagnosing himself or being pretty sure he has x.

>>13428 >self-diagnosing yourself is always incorrect diagnosing mental illnesses is very hard. While you might not be able to diagnose yourself, you can pretty easily write down some symptoms and find a pretty wide class of diseases that match it. For mental illnesses, there's not really an "underlying disease" which causes the symptoms like there are with say the flu, the symptoms are the disease. So identifying them and figuring out what the fuarrrk is wrong before you go in to see a therapist(which can take months, by the way) can be a great way to cope and get a grip.

I suffer from ASD/ADD and it was professionally diagnosed. I have a weird form of it though. Like, I don't really lack empathy but I have struggled socialy and dating is the most difficult skill I have ever tried to learn. I also have the stereotyped movements and a strong tendancy to operationalize everything. I have a pretty solid stack of meds and supplements to control my symptoms though.

I suffer from boredom and not having enough money.

If there's one thing I've learnt from mental illness threads, it's that nobody who posts in one wants practical help, they just want to compare dick sizes. Just like the Renaissance Man Alpha Wolf thread, this is a peacock dance, albeit this has a touch of pathos.

>>13459 > nobody who posts in one wants practical help Who goes to an anonymous imageboard for medical advice? Oh sure, the advice abounds but only a fool would accept any of it.

>>13467 It seems clear that it is the mentally ill who would go to an anonymous imageboard for medical advice and accept the advice given.

>>13471 I think people treat these threads like you would a peer support group. They do have them that are led by peers without a doctor or therapist facilitating. It's just a chance to talk and socialize, feel less alone. Others with no understanding of the subject bust in and attempt to solve everyone's problems without being asked.

It feels like I'm living a particularly drawn out and uninteresting dream or nightmare. How do I wake up?

I was recently advised but not prescribed Lexapro (Ecitalopram) to help calm the effects of angry disruptive thoughts and to help me focus. Anyone have any experience with this? In particular, I am looking at the probability of taking 5 mg or cutting a pill or tablet in half and having only 2.5 mg per day. I see some of the side effects and some of them seem worse than disruptive thoughts.

>>13524 I took Lexapro for about 3 days while in a psychiatric unit, I felt like bugs were crawling on me and the room was spinning/vibrating constantly. Had disturbing nightmares of me swallowing needles. But I'm also hyper sensitive to medication so your mileage may vary.

>tfw I finally realized after years that most of my problems are actually just Gulf War syndrome, and there is literally nothing I can do about it

>>13533 Is that still a mystery illness, or did they finally figure it out?

>>13534 Findings are generally inconclusive and fail to find one specific thing to attribute it to, but it is a bit of an umbrella illness IIRC, because it has a lot of different symptoms. I used to worry about my memory being bad for my age, and some other sleep/fatigue/pain/sensitivity issues that just seemed really out of place, then someone told me about Gulf War syndrome, and I realized how common my symptoms were. There is something reassuring about knowing the source of your problems... It was hard for me to grasp that I was a high performing 18 year old, and by my mid 30s I was already having abnormal neurological and memory/sleep issues. I used to have coworkers ask me if I was drunk because of the way I would move and walk I don't consume alcohol or drugs which did not make sense. Forced untested experimental vaccines and long term chemical exposure cant hurt you that bad, right? Present Day, Present Time! AHAHAHAHAHA!

>>13535 Well, Lain, I don't know what to say except that it's a shame and I'm sorry. I really am.

>>13533 I like that picture. Thanks.

I am schizo and as a bonus I suffer from despersonalisation, and derealization. I can not feel the limits of my own body, and actually I am so close from kill myself. I am having depressive and suicide thoughts every time and I can not think of anything but it. My depression and my nihilism are going to a level I can not explain to you guys.

>>13552 Are you on any medications? If not, you might want something to take the edge off...

sometimes I think I might be crazy. But I've been coping with it well by contextualizing it as a spiritual thing. fuarrrk head doctors, they don't know soykaf.

>>13556 Spiritual stuff is pretty real and yeah most shrinks dont know soykaf.

>>13557 some of it I am convinced is real, the rest is a nice story to get myself to calm down.

Has anyone here who's been clinically diagnosed as suffering a mental illness (other than depression) visited a psychiatrist of their own will? If so, what triggered that decision? I'm sorry if this post is not completely on-topic but I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, I'm planning on visiting a psychiatrist.

>>13010 Now this is based.

>>13557 they are one in the same to me. medicine men and priests were the shrinks. But I agree with you in a way in that I think they are equal. Efforts at western psychology in say senegal have often been futile or even damaging. Taking people into little rooms to talk about all the bad stuff isolated is like hell for somebody who is used to communal exorcisms in the outdoors. It just depends on your reality. It wouldnt be surprising that some people even in western countries fail to respond to psychology but do to spirituality. theres believing spirituality and magic is nonsense, then there is believing its an outdated form of psychology and then there is seeing them as equal. I may even in the future be inclined to believe as you do that what we call "rituals" are greater. I think psychology has accomplished much and its helped me, but I often wonder if the foundation is rotten or if it wont ever help anyone find purpose or cease to need one. The therapy and medicine has stopped me from wanting to kill myself and helped me get out of bed, but only the spiritual has helped me act. One could say we need a mix, but I also wonder what kind of "psychology" might have developed in civilizations lost or westernized if they could pursue their own path from their "ritualistic" foundations. I think even the word ritual is poisoned and is distant from what a ritual really was. We think of it as some abstract way to commune or drive off bad omens or whatever. But imagine if all of that spiritual warfare and communing was as real as air, problems we consider internal were dealt with as external things waging against eachother. I get kind of sad when I see a ritual object in a museum and can not at all grasp it or relate to it in the way intended because my mind is so detatched from that and the people who made it may have been dead for centuries.

I have been taking Escitalopram tablets 5 mg at a time since yesterday to help manage intrusive/disruptive thoughts that have been giving anger issues even though I may be in no position to get justifiably angry. I took one after getting my first container of it and I noticed immediate positive results. Any intrusive thoughts did not anger me or get me too frustrated with arguments in my mind. The doctor told me I do not have OCD but have symptoms that overlap with obsessive tendencies. When I woke up this morning, I started to feel anger from an intrusive thought so I took my first dose of the day which was a single tablet and then I felt nothing but content for the rest of the day. The doctor said he would normally prescribe 20 mg per day to someone of my height and weight but he understood that I have worry of side effects so he advised me to take one every morning for three or four days before taking two or three per day. I have a measure of hope for my future now although I am on my guard since nothing is as good as it seems at least that is the pattern in my life. Oh I was the one who posted about talking to a doctor about Lexapro earlier for disruptive thoughts which should have been described as intrusive thoughts. Now they are manageable.

How do you guys handle Borderline Personality Disorder? Therapy?

>>15848 I read there was no treatment but wait for shrink to tell you, because im not sure. how does feel to have it

>>7266 You are what you repeatedly do. A helpful exercise: Describe yourself without using the phrase "I am".

>>12564 >>12691 In the US the question of involuntary commitment depends on whether or not you have a plan. If you just feel suicidal and talk about it you won't get locked up, but if you actually have a plan, you might. Don't know about other countries, or state specific laws. I hope your therapy goes well, lainon! Good luck! >>13016 Psychiatric treatment center + for children + isolated patients = filled with abusers or a fundamental abusive institution, sadly, at least in the vast majority of cases. >>15848 Psychotherapy is the treatment of choice, maybe cognitive behavioral therapy in some cases. Medication is probably helpful some of the time, but often not. Completely nonprofessional speculation makes me think that finding a stable (non-narcissist, able to set consistent boundaries) partner and circle of friends would be helpful, since the fundamental personality issue of BPD is probably a fear of abandonment.

This morning Im in bed the doorbell goes, Im not expecting anyone so I dont answer intercom. Hear them try other doors and someone lets them in, they come up and start banging on my door. I got in a road rage incident yesterday on the road I had a crash on, Im wildly paranoid thinking it might be police, they have shown up to my door before. It's too early for this soykaf. They leave. I go out for a ride come back, door goes again, ok I can deal with them now. Its a package, they dont know who its from and when I ask what delivery company it is the guy says he's indepenent. I go down cautiously to sign for a large manilla envelope with what feels like lots of paperwork inside, my address is handwritten on the front. Good, that must be some forms concerning my settlement. Go upstairs and open it, it's a copy of Men's Health that I didnt order. no receipt or return address. Start getting paranoid about who would have sent me this by private courier. Im not normally this tense about things. Just got startled early and it sent me into a mad spiral. Ive should have a meeting with a psychirtrist coming up, its taking its time though.

>>6928 >>6928 I believe this is all some sort of VR game I decided to play, or something to that effect. I feel like my life is scripted to go a certain way and fate steers me where I'm meant to go, and where I'm meant to complete the storyline of my character arc. I think the world will come to a new dark age in the coming decades and I need to prepare for it and find salvation in a secluded area and find comfort and sanction with things of my creation, my projects, etc. I'm very individualist in that way. I think many people are AIs in this game, some a simply filler, some serve a role in the story. Some are real humans, who have their own storyline ahead of them waiting to unfold. I think many of my friends are not real humans, some of them are though. My storyline varies in where I think it will go, sometimes I see myself in a self-sustaining shelter/commune in a rural secluded place far from the incoming destruction of everything, sometimes I think I'll transcend this world completely, sometimes I think I'll go on a hedonistic spiral to the end of the world. I've had many other thoughts like these in the past, but they culminate and build to a greater picture to what it is now.

>>7145 >Light-switch psychopathy Both I and a friend I know have this too, turning 'psychopathy' on is easy and done in a heartbeat, no empathy etc but turning it off is a little slower. Never really use it much, and I forget I can even do it sometimes

>>7077 >One of my dreams is to find real friend, that would understand me a bit and just accept me I feel you man, I felt the same before I actually find a person that cared about me and then we became best friend. Don't lose hope anon, if it happened to me it can happen to you as well. Also, life is short so we might as well try to get the most out of this brief period that we are here anyway.

>>16014 Same, except I don't think I made the choice of being here. I feel like either I'm in prison for a crime I don't know anything about because they wiped or denied me access to my real memories, or I'm in hell for a sin I committed in a past life (and also don't know anything about). Or even worse, I'm just someone's plaything and I never did anything wrong to begin with. If it's one of the first two, then I imagine I'm here to atone for something. But then what could it be? I wasn't even given a definite way to find out what I did, so how could I better myself? I'm starting to think my true role in this world is to be an idea factory. A muse, chained to a stake of poverty and obscurity and milked for inspiration to give to others. Any time I get inspired for something, whether it's a song, or a story idea, or even a name for something... something else uses it. A song comes out with almost the same melody I was thinking of. A game comes out featuring that same story hook I had in my head. The name I thought up gets used to name a character or important item in a hit story somewhere. It makes me reluctant to publish or work on anything I've thought of because I just know my ideas will get taken from me. Though that leaves me wondering one thing. I've had two projects in the past that I've put significant work into. How come those haven't had their ideas completely taken from them? Maybe this world really is run by a sadist, and if I were to finish one of these projects, then boom, out will come a near-exact replica of it, except under the name of someone else, right as I was about to publish mine. I don't even know anymore, and it makes me afraid to continue on either of them. It's hard to tell who is real and who isn't, too. I want to imagine that there's other prisoners/subjects/players/whatever in this world, but it's nothing I can prove. Everyone seems fake. The people who make it big off the ideas I thought up seem fake, like they exist just to rub in my face how inferior I am to them and how I will never be known by anyone. Even my friends, or the closest people I've had to such, seem fake.

>>16014 I am geniunily convinced the real world is a illusion, so was philip k dick and the hindus. Then again im a drug addicted weirdo who watches weird stuff and reads on the occult all day. >>16050 >except I don't think I made the choice of being here. I feel like either I'm in prison for a crime I don't know anything about because they wiped or denied me access to my real memories, or I'm in hell for a sin I committed in a past life (and also don't know anything about). Or even worse, I'm just someone's plaything and I never did anything wrong to begin with. We all made the (wrong?) choice of being here, we just dont remember it or recognize it, its a integral part of karma. We have all have powerful abilities to manipulate physical reality trough thought, most are not aware of it most of the few who do, dont know what to do with such powers. >If it's one of the first two, then I imagine I'm here to atone for something. But then what could it be? I wasn't even given a definite way to find out what I did, so how could I better myself? If you have a genuine feeling for having done something wrong in a past life, then you should find out for sure and try to remember. However there is also a possibility that you exist as part of some sort of spiritual mission rather than a punishment. If you seek deep enough in yourself you will find the answers. >I'm starting to think my true role in this world is to be an idea factory. A muse, chained to a stake of poverty and obscurity and milked for inspiration to give to others. Any time I get inspired for something, whether it's a song, or a story idea, or even a name for something This is a well documented phenomenon, theories of the collective unconcious and telepathy have yet to be substantiated, its hard to say if you produce or receive. >Maybe this world really is run by a sadist The physical world was created and is ruled by the devil, but the spiritual world can change the physical card by your own power and the devil cannot do anything about it. And remember thoughts are not anyones property, information wants to be free and flow. >It's hard to tell who is real and who isn't, too. I want to imagine that there's other prisoners/subjects/players/whatever in this world, but it's nothing I can prove. Everyone seems fake. The people who make it big off the ideas I thought up seem fake, like they exist just to rub in my face how inferior I am to them and how I will never be known by anyone. Even my friends, or the closest people I've had to such, seem fake. The border between real and not real is just a rationalist way of modeling things in our mind, but both are just two sides of the same coin. There are mysteries in this world and they are slowly unveiling themselfs to us and reveal the existence of a much greater world to us to lead us into a new age of spiritual enlightenment Something grandiose is happening in this world and we are part of it, if we only are willing to embrace such changes.

Everyone in my town has mental health problems, probably from drug abuse. My friend, if I can still call him that smokes way too much weed and is on some anti-psichotic meds. I think his dose might have gone down. He's mentioned suicide in conversations 3 times in a row and yesterday he kept interupting me whilst I was talking to another friend, completely off topic and out of time. I told him for a second time not to and he had a total meltdown and stormed out. Totally pathetic, he's a Dad now but couldnt get a grip if his life depended on it. Not the first mate Ive seen progressivly lose their mind. I cant be dealing with people like this, but it seems many people are like this.

Went to get a psyche assessment for my crash last year. Its stopped my going out to work at night. She's going to set up a CBT course for me to go on. That's an extra 10 weeks before I'll get a settlement. >Your depressed She said, maybe itll help but I know what will help me most. Getting some fuarrrking money.

>>16313 Reddit is slow and it's making me run out of narcissistic supply, send help. I may actually have to eat food today so that I don't start experiencing "emotions".

>>7324 >>have you delved into any of this for the sake of verifying its legitimacy in reality? >Nope. Wisdom is my path and my goal. What!? Wisdom is the state of being able to apply knowledge and skills in the most apropriate way. You must be crazy if you think that not verifying your knowledge is in anyway going to increase your wisdom. If anything, not verifying your knowledge is going to have a deleterious effect on your wisdom, because you will be using knowledge that is unverified, which means that that knowledge could be false! Then your 'wisdom' becomes nothing more than supersticion based on arbitrary beliefs.　本当にはワット・ザ・ファック！

I'm fuarrrking autistic and I can't relate to barely any other human and I am very cold emotionally...... help.

>>16788 >I can't relate to barely any other human that shouldn't be a problem, I can't relate to any other humans either. We're not similar and you don't really have to relate to other people's opinions and interests. Now may I ask you a couple of questions? >Why is the fact that you're emotionally cold bothering you? is it because you're afraid you might be a sociopath? OR, is it because of something else? >If you saw an animal dying or physically suffering, would you feel genuine empathy or sympathy for it? >Is watching gore something easy for you? does it trigger any genuine sympathetic or empathetic emotions in you? >Do you have any problems between you and your parents? do you feel like they don't understand you? if yes, what is the cause of this parent-child problem in your opinion? >If you saw an elder getting killed or beaten, would that trigger any genuine empathetic or sympathetic emotions in you? did you even feel any emotion rn when I presented that image of an elder getting killed or beaten to your mind? >can you easily tell if someone else wants to enter a conversation? >do you really care about other people's emotions? is it easy for you to bully or mentally abuse someone? do you care about not hurting other people's feelings? (it's not a problem if that level of care is low, as long as you feel at least anything when attempting to hurt other people's feelings, it's ok) >Are you good at predicting how someone will feel? >Do others usually talk to you about their problems as they say that you're very understanding? >do you usually appreciate the other person’s viewpoint, even if you don’t agree with it? >can you tell if someone is masking their true emotion? (like if someone is trying to hide their inner need to cry or if someone is trying to hide their nervousness or trying to control their emotions) >can you sense if you're intruding/taking someone else's space/disturbing their privacy, even if they don't tell you? >can you easily tell if someone else is interested or bored with what you're saying? >If you say something that someone else is offended by, do think that it's their problem for getting offended, not yours? >do you dream most nights? >If anyone asked you if you liked their dressing style or haircut or whatever.., would you reply truthfully, even if you didn’t like it? >Are you able to make decisions without even thinking for a second about how this decision might affect someone else's feelings (whether it affects them in a good way or a bad way)?

>>16792 Hello, sorry I took a long time to respond, I had work to do, anyways: I think it's a problem because I want to have relationships with other people and to have connections, the loneliness is very bad. >Why is the fact that you're emotionally cold bothering you? is it because you're afraid you might be a sociopath? OR, is it because of something else? Since I'm mostly alone and people don't really pay me much attention at all, that isn't what worries me, what worries me is that I'm just going to go mad and turn into some kind of basement troll like chris-chan or any other mentally disabled person you can find online. >If you saw an animal dying or physically suffering, would you feel genuine empathy or sympathy for it? Not necessarily, I would definitely find interest and think to myself "that's pretty bad", but I wouldn't feel a strong feeling of sadness or whatever else. >Is watching gore something easy for you? does it trigger any genuine sympathetic or empathetic emotions in you? Yes, I'm not sure if the internet is to blame for that or anything, but seeing gore isn't hard for me, I do feel sort of bad if it is done in a certain way (vague I know) but in general, I don't really feel sympathy or empathy when watching that kind of stuff. >Do you have any problems between you and your parents? do you feel like they don't understand you? if yes, what is the cause of this parent-child problem in your opinion? Yes and Yes, I don't think there is any single cause, but I feel like I've always been the black sheep of the family and they've never understood me as a person, and it doesn't help that I feel like they're more concerned with making me into a glorified trophy for them and that they are just concerned with themselves. >If you saw an elder getting killed or beaten, would that trigger any genuine empathetic or sympathetic emotions in you? did you even feel any emotion rn when I presented that image of an elder getting killed or beaten to your mind? I would definitely try to help as best as I could as I know such a thing is wrong and shouldn't happen, but emotionally, the only thing I would probably feel would be adrenaline, I didn't really feel anything when I imagined that in my head. >can you easily tell if someone else wants to enter a conversation? Not really, the most I ever here when somebody talks to me is "Hello" and "How are you doing?" it never feels genuine. >do you really care about other people's emotions? is it easy for you to bully or mentally abuse someone? do you care about not hurting other people's feelings? (it's not a problem if that level of care is low, as long as you feel at least anything when attempting to hurt other people's feelings, it's ok) Yes, it is, I know it is wrong which is why I don't do it, but if I truly wanted to be a bastard I could be, and I was in the past before I really grasped the consequences of my actions. I don't do it now because I know that it can impact people in the long term, and that if I ever want to be seen as a person that isn't completely soulless and sadistic then I really shouldn't do it. >Are you good at predicting how someone will feel? It depends, I get decent at it when I get to know people and understand how they are as a person, but in general, not really. >Do others usually talk to you about their problems as they say that you're very understanding? Not really, only the people I am closest to do that, and even then it doesn't happen all that often, but I don't think I've heard that I'm really that understanding. >do you usually appreciate the other person’s viewpoint, even if you don’t agree with it? I don't really "appreciate" it, though I do try to understand it and act civil. >can you tell if someone is masking their true emotion? (like if someone is trying to hide their inner need to cry or if someone is trying to hide their nervousness or trying to control their emotions) Like I said before, it depends and usually happens when I get to know people, but in general unless a person is struggling to hide it, then no, not really. >can you sense if you're intruding/taking someone else's space/disturbing their privacy, even if they don't tell you? I feel like I do most of the time when talking with people, conversations just feel so awkward and stilted when I talk with people I can only feel like I am being a burden to them. >can you easily tell if someone else is interested or bored with what you're saying? Not easily, but generally I feel like I do at least somewhat understand when people are feeling like that, but again my conversations are usually so stilted and awkward they rarely go that far. >If you say something that someone else is offended by, do think that it's their problem for getting offended, not yours? Eh, it really depends, I feel like people can have reasons for being offended, like they are justified to be offended if you make a suicide joke to a person who has been personally affected by such stuff, but a lot of the time I feel like people are babies that can't handle darker humor than what they're used to. >do you dream most nights? It usually comes in waves, I can go some weeks without not having a dream at all, then I can go to having dreams every night for weeks on end, and in rare cases I can also be tormented with vivid nightmares for over a week, infact when I was younger all I had when I slept was nightmares all the time. >If anyone asked you if you liked their dressing style or haircut or whatever.., would you reply truthfully, even if you didn’t like it? I would try to reply truthfully but focus on the better parts, and if there was something that wasn't good I would try to say something like "I preferred the old style" or "I think that needs some work". >Are you able to make decisions without even thinking for a second about how this decision might affect someone else's feelings (whether it affects them in a good way or a bad way)? I have gotten better at handling it, but in the past I would do just about anything if I even thought about it, which would often be destroying stuff, doing sadistic stuff to other, or just being a plain nuisance, looking in retrospect it's a wonder how I never got beat up badly or hurt myself badly (though I do have some scars) I don't do it as much anymore because I have more self control and restriction now, though socially it can still manifest itself and I can just blurt out something randomly even if it doesn't make sense at all or is completely irrelevant to the conversation at hand.

My current illness combo: >brain fog >overthinking A LOT about everything, giving me anxiety >depression episodes that come and go >mood swings >misanthropy >nihilistic mentality I never felt normal, i never felt really "here" the meatspace, in a peaceful state. Since i was a kid, my mind was always doing something, either i was emulating a character, escaping reality or creating stupid theories. Modern society creates a system where we, the physically weak weirdos can work minimal wage, eat, sleep, repeat while we escape the wild nature that would annihilate us.

i've been considered mentally ill since i was about 6 years old. my diagnosis always changes depending on the doctor but the ones that remain consistent are ptsd, mood disorder NOS, social anxiety disorder and depression. previous ones were schizoaffective, bipolar, borderline and adhd. i think the reason doctors could never pinpoint what i have is because a lot of my issues are from childhood sexual trauma but nobody wanted to address that so it was easier to label someone with "mood disorder" than go to the police. i used to be angier and energetic as a kid, which probably warranted adhd, but i think the trauma took that from me. the depression has always been there even as a kid. i actually think somethings fuarrrked with my brain chemicals. like i'm not receiving enough seratonin or dopamine. example: i can get a gift from family, but i don't really feel what happiness is described as. i feel more guilty if anything. only negative no positive emotions. i've gotten ok at fake smiling so people don't get freaked out but now i do it too much to the point where i smile when a situation doesn't call for it. ptsd and social anxiety together is awful, i hate the flashbacks, the nightmares, the distrust i have for humanity everything. i do dumb soykaf like layering up clothes and bodymods so i don't look attractive. i can't speak to others without wanting to hurt myself and i can't go outside because i'm scared someones gonna touch me. i would take medication but i always get the 1% side effects for everything which leaves me feeling worse. i've got a polite therapist now but i think i need to buy some vitamins and move into the mountains my scaredy cat ass can't take mankind anymore. sorry for the blog post have a cute anime girl

>>16902 I can relate to everything you wrote. But lately I've come to think that the rather strict rules and "moral codex" that is inherent to modern society and the oversocialisation that it promotes could be a large factor in that. Another thing is that nihilistic behavior seems to be actively encouraged by mass media and the capitalistic system does profit immensely from it. I believe that people that aren't well integrated into society are somewhat kept down intentionally as they don't serve a productive function and could potentionally be a threat.

Asperger's, porn addiction, suicidal depression, major anxiety, psychotic symptoms probably something else but never gotten any other diagnoses was talking to friend with schizoaffective about some of the other weird symptoms and he said he couldn't really figure out what was going on with me another friend once suggested I was goin through schizophrenia prodrome I am an Orthodox Christian, only thing keeping me from going off the deep end with drugs and killing myself most days I just want it all to be over already but sometimes I like being alive would like to make a good friend off of this thread or something, I've met a bunch of people online so far but very few I really connect with 100%

>>16908 Hey, you can talk with me if you want. I understand how you feel about things. Maybe I could help you and make you view things in a different way! If you want to contact me my email is lain2019@firemail.cc >>16905 Would you maybe want to talk with another person? I've read your post and I know you want to be alone, but maybe that stems also more from feeling of being misunderstood by other people? For example what you described with psychologists, that's not to uncommon for them, because they usually rely on psychological theories without having a direct understanding of phenomena. Imagine being stuck in an (unimaginary big) house with many floors and many rooms, extending in all directions to infinity. You're in a specific floor where everything is based on your feelings, thoughts, memories, and knowledge. This represents your mind. What the psychologist does, is he lives on a different floor than you and he his floor is layered differently than yours, he has different rooms. What the psychologist does is he tries to infer your state based on his feelings, thoughts, memories and knowledge. But this doesn't work, because he has really no real understand of these structures in your mind, because he hasn't experienced it by direct experience. The house is our cycle of mindstates. If you're for example angry you climb in a different floor where almost everything looks the same, but there are superficial differences between things. If you're sad you again climb to a different level, where everything looks superficially different, and if you climb further and further the changes become bigger and bigger. That's why people can't often feel very subtle changes, because it takes a lot time to notice "Ah, this has gotten worse" or "Ah, this has gotten better." People move with a different speed through these levels. And only if you become perceptive you can notice these small changes. So, how do you get out of the house? You need someone that knows these levels, that really understands how they're layered out, that understands how to move, what to do when to encounter a specific situation. That's the only way to get out of the house. We usually don't know if we climb up or down, because our mind is very disoriented. Sometimes we have a moment of clarity and know what to do, then we know "We should walk left" if we walk too much right and we know "Climb up" if we climb too much down. I hope that helps. If you don't like me you always can cut me out later, but maybe I can help you to move in the right direction, if you desire so. My email (as mentioned above) is lain2019@firemail.cc

>>6928 Did you try a few pills including clozapine? For me it took a while to find the right one. I have schizoaffective disorder and AvPD. I've been diagnosed with more, but I think these two fit the best. I think I'm also experiencing gender dysphoria, but I am unsure what to do about it. Way easier to talk about my psychosis.

>>16905 I feel you, i never felt stable since i was a kid, like, there is ALWAYS a mental problem that i'm obsessing with. When i'm able to surpass some mental problem, i get another one. What is the cure for us? will we ever fix our rotten brains? I don't know if i can see a therapist, i don't trust people enough for that. I don't even want to feel happy, i just want to feel stable for fuarrrk's sake. also, cute anime girl you got there

>>16912 Remember this about your pills: Pills aren't a cure, they are a remedy, you can also become addicted to them.

>>16917 It's better to be addicted to medicine than be psychotic Trust me

>>16905 I think moving to the mountains is actually the right choice for cases like this Sure, you'll be isolated from society bla-bla But I do genuinely believe that it's the right lifestyle for some, maybe that could be a goal of your to move out to a place like that (nice anime girl)

>>16909 i think me wanting to be alone has more to do with being abused by others, not misunderstandings and miscommunication (outside of doctors at least). it's hard to get a correct diagnosis when everyone has a bias. but i do think the house comparison makes sense when you present your illness to a doctor or just the nature of the illness in general. also i know you put a lot of effort into what you typed but when i read it this morning i thought the email was gmail and reading it later it says firemail, i'm very confused >>16915 yeah, i feel that. after dealing with your brains soykaf for a while you don't even want to be like a neurotypical, you'd just rather have a baseline. i wouldn't go looking for a therapist if you're not ready yet, you need to be willing to talk to the person and work through issues on your own after sessions. also the girl is riamu yumemi if you want more pics, i'd post more but don't want to look like an avatar user

>>16920 >also i know you put a lot of effort into what you typed but when i read it this morning i thought the email was gmail and reading it later it says firemail, i'm very confused Hey, it's firemail, I didn't change my post or anything. Also, it's your choice, it's fine if you don't want to talk with me. I just thought maybe, I could be in some way helpful to you. >i think me wanting to be alone has more to do with being abused by others, not misunderstandings and miscommunication (outside of doctors at least). it's hard to get a correct diagnosis when everyone has a bias. but i do think the house comparison makes sense when you present your illness to a doctor or just the nature of the illness in general. I see, what I'm saying is that you most likely don't have any idea how to solve your problems (or you would have solved them already) wouldn't you. I'm discarding here obviously approaches that are unsuitable because they ask "too much." I mean things like "Just get over it" that wouldn't work because it would be too much. Now consider what if you would solve it step by step, so that it can be overcome not at once, but little by little with much effort. That would be more suitable. Sometimes it's very hard to find something that works for you. You go through this and then you think "This doesn't work" and then discard the idea of it. Then you find that and after some time you also discard it. At some point you might arrive at something that seems useful, but it has parts that aren't specifically helpful for you, so you take the parts that seem helpful and discard the rest. Now repeat that 800 times, most people would lack the drive to do that. Of course you might not need to have all kinds of different approaches, when you have a simple, one-dimensional problem, but in your case you have a deeply-rooted multi-dimensional problem, with many subtle aspects that only become apparent after solving the more gross ones. Sometimes I also feel lost, and don't know in what direction I should walk, I ask myself "Is this the right direction?" Then I spend time trying various things to see where they lead, if they they're helpful or unhelpful, discarding a lot of them at the end. With enormous effort I and energy I do move forward a little, but that's not easy, because one needs a lot of effort and energy if one doesn't know in what direction one should walk. At the end, no matter what, if we moved in the right direction we're closer to our goal, aren't we. And that's what matters in my opinion. I guess that was my motivation for replying to your post, I kind of thought maybe I could help you in some way. Even if I can't help you fully, maybe I could reduce the time you walk in wrong directions or trying the wrong things out drastically. Imagine spending 5 years doing something wrong, only leading to more stagnation, depression and hopelessness at the end. If we could cut this 5 years out, wouldn't that already be worth it? We don't get our time back, and as we stay here at one place we get older, and if we don't practice we lose our skills, we lose our fitness, slowly but surely. So the only thing we can do at the end is to fight against this stream of death, to do out best to move in the other direction, which in my opinion is done by mental, physical and spiritual development. If I can just help a little then I think it's already worth it helping someone. Anyways, take care and I don't want to bother you too much if you don't want to talk to me for some reason. If you think you can do it alone, then I will believe in you. And if you think I could be helpful, then I will be here for you.

>>16909 Ortho anon here, sent you an email nice schema monks

They slapped me with an assburgers diagnosis when I was like 8. I'm not sure if I actually had it, though, since all the things the doctors and schools did about it didn't really help at all. In fact, it only made things worse by singling me out. I didn't need any kind of special handling, all I needed was for someone to show me how not to act like a goddamn spaz so I could make some friends. But I guess when you're a kid they don't care about helping you improve or overcome your flaws, only making you less of a bother to the adults and the other kids. What the hell does the child's future matter? If they grow up friendless and with no idea how to socialize, it's their fault for not knowing how to in the very beginning.

>>16933 Fellow aspie here, I know that feel and I went through similar stuff and I haven't really recovered from it, I have only 2 real friends and I constantly worry that I am a bother to them or that I'm doing something wrong, why can't they just help us be like normal people and not treat us like we're retards that are drooling out the side of our mouths? I am also surprised by the amount of fellow aspies here.

Hi lain, Im not sure if I qualify as "mentally ill" but I guess contributing to the thread isnt really bad; Ive had Asperger's diagnosed since about 5 or 6 years old, and I guess ive been both helped alot as well as thrown around by the early diagnostic, By around 13yo or so it became highly-functioning and I can pretty much act as a normal person in social circumstances etc, but Ive never lost the feeling that im just pretending I know how to behave and such. Regardless, despite this ive never had any learning disorders my whole life, in fact ive always been a good learner and did pretty well at school despite my lazyness and lack of interest, but ever since about 2 years or so ago Ive started to develop a form of Misophonia; Ive started to become increasingly and exponentially irritated and annoyed to most sounds ( specifically those with no "intent", its hard to describe ), I had never minded nor noticed the extreme noise of urbanity until now. I live in a very noisy town and house so if it werent for me constantly listening to music, id be anxious 24/7. So this past year and so all I spend my days doing is listening to music through headphones and wasting hours away hoping not to get itchy and irritated. Im finishing my last year of high school right now and on the process of enrolling into college and I cant possibly see any form of academic success in this state. I have trouble concentrating with the music and noises and it makes learning and studying near impossible. Anyways, if any lains could share their advice or experiences with misophonia id be very grateful.

>>16936 Does sound-proofing where you live help? I mean as a way to block outside noise, not as a way to handle noise on the inside.

>>16936 Try to block the maximum noise you can in your room, put soundproof foam in your door. You can also try white noise, there are lots of it on youtube.

>why can't they just help us be like normal people Acting 'normal' isn't necessary. If you can communicate clearly, it suffices to describe the aspects of yourself that are pertinent to the interactions that you are to have with the person that you are to interact with. The person interacting with you needs to understand how to interact with you. If you act in a way that that person does not understand, you should be ready to explain how to interact with you. You should be ready to try different methods of interaction, to try to find the method that works best. If you can function, while being different, you have the advantage of a different perspective.

>>16940 absolutely. Realizing that other people are as mystified with you as you are with them, and being willing to bridge that gap, are the most important things for an aspie.

>>16936 That happens because you focus on the sounds too much (especially with autism and a hyperfocus). One way to make it weaker or not get annoyed is to try to focus on something else, but not for a short time, you should try to do it for 10-30 minutes. An other way might be to focus on the process of feeling annoyed itself, by just watching and doing nothing. But as soon as you interact with it it starts again, so it's important to just watch and do nothing else. Also, what the other people suggested won't really help you much. Because they're temporary solutions (and you might starting to notice sounds anyways) at best. What you need is something to overcome the thing itself.

>>16936 Do you have hyperaccusis also (does all noise seem too loud), or just misophonia (can you listen to loud noise that is of a certain type, such as music, but not other noises)? If it's hyperaccusis there are some treatments available, although most of them look like what you are doing already (listening to broad spectrum noise a lot to recalibrate your brain). Misophonia I don't know as much about even though I probably have it but here are tips anyway: >Rugs are good for blocking out some low sounds - if you can cover your floor with some thick ones this might help. >Are you sleeping enough and taking time off from school when you can? Stress can make auditory sensitivity worse. >Have you tried earplugs, possibly with noise-cancelling headphones or just noise-blocking headphones? This might at least be a good alternative to music. >Mimicking certain sounds is sometimes helpful, for some people. Ex. If you become annoyed by a person clicking a pen, click a pen. Also this describes me perfectly, especially the music part and the part about sounds without intent. It might be about predictability for me, though, I'm not sure. I'll have to see if a non-intentional sounds that isn't random is as bad as a normal sound that isn't random.

What's the point of dreaming a better life if you're always stuck in your room?

Took MDMA at new years and haven't gotten pleasure from anything since (plus am dumber and my memory is atrocious). No idea how to fix this

>>16946 I highly doubt MDMA is the reason. Often, people like to say they "damaged" their heads after taking some drug. Unless you have taken krokodil, that's not going to happen. You are probably suffering results of an unhealthy lifestyle, such as a sedentary lifestyle, depression or other stuff. Don't overthink it, try changing your life habits first, or if you are really worried, go see a psychiatrist.

>>16948 It can sort of "blow out" the receptors in your brain after a lot of use which is part of the effects of addiction, I doubt that one time use can affect the brain in such a way for that lainanon, but it's probably something you should note.

>>16944 >Are you sleeping enough and taking time off from school when you can? I try to take school easy because of stress yeah ( though then the school gets mad at me being lax and that adds stress on, well im finished with it now so whatevs ) but ive always had sleeping disorders my whole life. Never snored but ive had insomnia, waking up constantly between the night, oversleeping, undersleeping etc. >Have you tried earplugs, possibly with noise-cancelling headphones or just noise-blocking headphones? This might at least be a good alternative to music. Theyre expensive but I think im definetly going to purchase some noise-cancelling headphones in the near future, its the only thing I havent tried. Earplugs dont cancel any noise for me really, they just dampen it ( I still get irritated by the sound >being there< ) >Mimicking certain sounds is sometimes helpful, for some people. Ex. If you become annoyed by a person clicking a pen, click a pen. Never tried this, will do next time, thanks. Also its nice to see im not alone with the intention/predictability thing, for me all the sounds I get annoyed tend to be "dumb" sounds, IE things like leaving a TV on when nobody's watching it ( its fine if were all paying attention to it ), someone banging on a floor for no reason, background music nobody's really listening to... Things like common urban noises like cars moving or birds dont really itch me, because I know the 'intent' behind the sound I guess. Dont know if its like that for you too. >>16943 I tend to act very stoicly like that, in fact last year that was my main strategy with the problem but it really bore no fruit. It seems the more I focus on something else the more it creeps up on you, and the more you focus on it to "overcome it" the more impossible such task starts to be. I do agree stuff like sound dampeners are just temporary and wont fix things in the long run tho. >>16938 >>16939 Fully soundproofing would prove to expensive for the type of room I live in, and anything inbetween I think would just 'dampen' the noises, not cancel them ( so it would still itch ) Its in my plans to move out soon to a small room or something, where I have more control over this kind of things though, and I would like to soundproof my room if that were the case. Also, does this count as blogposting? I know this is a sort of support thread of sorts but I dont want to break any chan rules either

>>16950 Since you seem used to using headphones all the time, why not use something like ear plugs? They are cheap and can block outside noise.

>>16948 Yeah I often feel that its life fuarrrking with my head. It's gas lighting yourself to blame drugs. I remember feeling depressed, stressed and have existential freakouts before I ever took any drug. MDMA can cause depression but only if you over do it. Sensiibly, twice a year max but some say three month gaps is ok. Dont take huge amounts obv. I've been getting angry violent thoughts again, but Ive restocked on CBD so maybe Ill be ok now, idk if this is a withdrawl or just life stressing me out. Im becoming more isolated cause I dont have the money to go out like Id like, cause Im spending on CBD ffs

>>17074 same guy I went to the doctor saying that Ive been using CBD and it stopped me taking codeine and could I get it on the NHS as they give it for epilepsy. He had a strange manner and was saying just cause something is natural doesnt mean its good for saying codeine is an opiate. He said theres no clinic studies and that I could take one of the ssri's that have been studied and are safe etc etc. fuarrrk that I dont wanna take addictive drugs and he's practically trying to push this soykaf on to me. Anyway he gave me some more codeine but his attitude towards what CBD can do seemed annoyingly dismissive. I then waited in the chemist and there's morning crack heads came in being loud and obnoxious giving off the worst vibes whilst I was waiting. It really does feel like its getting crazier out there.

Just diagnosed with GDA and OCD and were adviced to hospitalized. I always wake up with extreme anxiety thinking my loved one is experiencing a traumatic experience...

>>13533 Did you serve in the gulf war?

Sometimes (rarely), in a sentence I'm currently reading, a pair of words switch places, preserving intelligibility (i.e. syntax), but not necessarily sensicality (i.e. semantics, truth). How it goes: I'll be reading something reasonable, then ! statement out-of-whack, I double-take. It's not that I interpret the statement as though the words are switched, I see them switched. When I reread it, the switched words are unswitched. Sometimes, when writing, for many words that I've written, even though I feel sure that that is the proper spelling of the word, I get the impression that it appears misspelled. Then, I consult my knowledge of word composition rules, and it agrees that that is the proper spelling of that word. I consult a dictionary, and it agrees that that is the proper spelling of that word. Still, the word continues to seem misspelled. Sometimes, another instance of the same word, written spelled the same way, does not look misspelled. Sometimes, both instances are in view, but one of them seems certainly misspelled, while the other looks perfectly properly spelled! I don't know whether this is dyslexia. It's not enough of a problem (understatement) that I'm willing to read up on dyslexia. Just another idiosyncracy.

>>17480 Not dyslexia. I think pretty much everyone experiences this. Happens more often for me when words are above/below each other in a line and I'll misread one of the lines to also include the word above/below. E.g. Line 1: let's all love lain ... Line 2: ass dance ass dance ... Interpretation: "let's all ass dance ..."

>>16940 >You should be ready to try different methods of interaction, to try to find the method that works best. An my problem is my each my interpersonousage's perfection (maintaining at least minimous his, maximous my, interest) that, after hours thereof, I need sleep or can only habituousages.

>>17481 More exactly, that example would be "let's ass love lain ... all dance ass dance". Another example would be "Happens more often for me when words are above/below each other in a line and I'll include one of the lines to also misread the word above/below". It does tend to happen when the switched words are on different lines. Since posting >>17480, I recalled that in some cases the swiched words were of different sentences. However, the switched words were on the same card-and-paper page. My guess is that switched words must be simultaneously visible. >I think pretty much everyone experiences this I've described this my subjective phenomenon (which, even if not clinically dyslexia, is in accord with the composition of the term), first, asking whether this was of dyslexia to a person describing his dyslexities who promptly equivocated by lack of expertise but confirmed rarerly experiencing it; then, to ~E1 other persons, each who expressed unawareness, prior to my description to them, of it's being. Maybe, each his memory forgot each detail of such mis-, then re-, reading, but likelier seems not. >>17482 I, too, enjoy unusual lexemation.

Haha, soykaf. I've been depressed for some time so I booked an appointment with a doc. My mood changed dramatically, towards the (weird) bright side, right before I made the visit which made Doc think I showed signs of bipolar and ... I shouldn't actually but I have started drinking energy drinks two days straight while I normally am quite bad on caffeine. Currently on some anti-psych but I feel like my life is turning. What makes me scared are all those horrible descriptions I've read about it from other people, how utterly handicapped they get from the depressions, mania doing soykaf and the horrid brain fog from meds. I've begun to relate to the little story from Lovecraft (imo one of the better outside the dream-cycle), The Shadow over Innsmouth, as the protagonist I also have the gene of madness from a long family tradition of odd persons. On the plus side, several women have started to flirt with me (if I'm not psychotic already :), fuark anxiety though... Somehow I believe it's a chain effect of one liking me, then two and now a whole lot because of the increased demand of interest, hopefully someone outbids all the others to put an end to it. The current mood has me more anxious overall, like more negative thoughts about others and alot less patience but no blow-ups as of yet thankfully. Giddy, ticks, laughing, singing to myself which I rarely do. When I'm outside and PEACEFULLY walking, my legs only want to run, run run and laugh at all the happiness, run among the squippering-coo-cooing birds. I've always had a sense of grandour that I would accomplish a great (or lesser but still a) work of art. Now it seems much more so, as 9-5 sedentary lobotimizing activites will never work. Art "O bios brakhys, he de tekne makre" will be one of the areas where something like craziness is really appreciated or has real potential for greatness. Sure they are few but great like the James Joyce who dived right into his schizophrenia like C. G. Jung said, or perhaps the O so great and mighty Viper the glorious rapper, whose lyrics are directly influenced the spiritual fairy dust called cocaina who gives him the illumination of God ou le Dieu malheurs. Rambling Bambling like Rambo's machine guns yeah. For your spiritual gardens, some new seeds https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERYY8GJ-i0I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxxnizNiIEc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd0PV82e1jE O Gott wie gut >>16945 To know what you want and how you should create a good and structured path towards that dream. Just go outside, find some hobby to meet other people (sports, studies, boardgame peut-être) or something. No use squandering that brain of yours behind a soggy computer screen all day, every day till some misfourtunate event of worsened mental state makes you go suicidy dead in your head. Amen

Not really here to vent, just looking for advice. I have only two really close friends and I've had them for years, we still meet up often. >One of my friends is being regularly sexually assaulted in his workplace. He doesen't want to tell management, but it's been wrecking his year and he can't stand it anymore. He plans on confronting her some time this week. >I was lurking his reddit and saw a post saying how he almost slit his wrists, but ended up not doing it. He said he's gone 3 years without doing any self harm I'm really fuarrrking worried about him right now. I love him, and I don't want him to go through that soykaf. What should I do if she doesen't listen and continues assaulting him? And is there any way I can get close to him and make him feel better without directly mentioning that I lurked his reddit account?

Went from 200mg sertraline down to 100mg. 200mg was unpleasant. My anxiety was impossibly high. 100mg seems to be more calm. Seeing psychiatrist on the 25th. Might ask to be off medication completely. The other day, I was going to kill myself. My plan was to down a whole bottle of Seroquel inna woods in little clothing. If that didn't kill me, exposure would. This made sense to me in the way that making dinner makes sense, or brushing your teeth. Surviving meant dying, and dying was surviving.

Life's been really hard lately. I'm barely functioning, feeling like any day now is going to end in a nervous breakdown. Everybody else seems to see it too. I have random people on the bus stare at me, groups of teenagers bullying me, people can't look away from a burning dumpster fire. Every homeroom teacher I've had told my mom I was "disturbed", that I needed help, that I wasn't normal, but it was always brushed off "he's just shy", "that's his personality" etc. My dad never gave a soykaf about me, but mom seems incapable of facing reality. She keeps telling her friends about me, "he's got a really nice job", "he's really smart", talking about me like I'm still in grade school and as if anyone cares about her "gifted" child. Meanwhile, everyone else my age is being independent, getting married, traveling, the definition of well-adjusted and normal. I dropped out of uni because I couldn't keep up with having to be around so many people. All I got going for me is this job. I get to come in, work on abstract problems for 8 hours and mostly talk about technical stuff. My coworkers are all married semi-boomers that make fun of me. I stumble my way to and from work, avoiding eye contact, trying to be invisible. The 30 minute bus ride feels like hell. I don't have any friends because I could never connect with anyone, all I've ever felt was alienation, even online. Everybody else here seems to have these cool, unique mental problems. "I took too much drugs and now my brain's fried", "I have bipolar depression that I keep at bay with lots of sex and drugs", "I hear voices and I get sleep paralysis which freaks my girlfriend out". I'm just a fuarrrk up, I'm not even mentally ill, I'm just plain retarded. It feels even worse when your "condition" is literally an Internet meme, yet another isolated manchild loner that can't figure out how to shave properly and get a nice hitler youth haircut. It's not like I haven't tried fixing myself. At this point, I've read some much psychology non-sense I could write a PhD thesis on whatever bullshit modality is currently getting peddled. I've never tried drugs, never even gotten properly drunk really, because I don't see how it could give me anything other than dependence. What else is there? I can't explain to people how I feel and even if I could, they don't have the power to fix my internal problems. I keep thinking about hanging myself. People commit suicide for less, and yet I'm somehow delusional enough to think that you could somehow undo 22 years of misdevelopment and emotional anguish. It's still feels like I'm young and that I could laugh with all my grandkids about being awkward in high school. But soykaf like that would be like a downy suddenly losing that extra chromosome. I feel bad about even telling people I have this "illness". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder

>>17835 >Everybody else here seems to have these cool, unique mental problems I saw you while browsing mega. What people do you expect to lurk these threads? I wouldn't, and my life is a fuarrrking dumpsterfire. I've half a decade on you, and I'm just a lazy moron. Nothing romantic about that. No good story there, and I wouldn't tell anyone if it was. I don't tell myself if I can help it. Don't mistake not fitting into a storytime thread for your problems not being "justified"(as if mental illness isn't practically defined as such).

>>17835 Hang in there Lain. At least you have a good job and a mother who loves you. I have a feeling the next 5-6 years will be an improvement for you. Stop worrying so much about other people and focus on what makes you happy. Stop into a bar/pub every once in a while for a beer or two. I'm not saying become an alcoholic, but I was much more socially inept until I moved next to a cool dive bar. It really eased me into normal person social settings and ultimately made me more comfortable with myself. Over the years I've made some genuine friends there too. It will ease you into social settings, even if you just go to read a book. Just sharing what worked for me.

>>17835 This didn't start to really hit me hard until my mid 20s. I have always avoided people and situations throughout my life, even if I thought I would enjoy them. I haven't been able to put it into words, but after reading your post, I can understand more about why I'm the way I am. I've been able to find motivation in art, in the broadest sense of the term, though I am far from artistic. Maybe you'll find something to get interested in creating, or experiencing. I hope you build the resolve to meet this challenge, it will take trial and error, but don't give up, you can find it within you.

>>17837 I know it's not uncommon for males to socially isolated, especially in their twenties as they transition into adult roles and what not, but my situation could never be described simply as such. The thought of sitting in a crowded bar with people my age is like a nightmare to me. I mentioned that even the 30 minutes bus ride is very uncomfortable because I'm avoiding eye contact and trying not to hyperventilate. I stick it out, because I have to, otherwise I'd be a complete shut-in honestly. At this point, it's not even a matter of social anxiety and just getting some experience. My daily life is completely foreign and incomprehensible to the average person, and the extreme nature of my thoughts and feelings prevent me from ever making connections with others. This way of life is so deeply ingrained into my psyche that I can't help but be anything more than an eccentric loner to other people. >>17848 I find an escape in my inner world, which includes rich and active fantasy but also any manner of abstract things. I like my job precisely because it allows me to tinker with very logical, abstract things in my head and manipulate them in order to get the desired result. I've thought about just going balls deep into an obsession with some branch of math or computer science, to just dedicate and lose myself in some creative internal act because the external world will never suffice. Things outside of me seldom make me happy. All the nice moments I've had in the last few years have all been in my head.

>>17850 You have the self-consciousness and the wisdom to make it through.

>>17850 >The thought of sitting in a crowded bar with people my age is like a nightmare to me. I mentioned that even the 30 minutes bus ride is very uncomfortable because I'm avoiding eye contact and trying not to hyperventilate. I stick it out, because I have to, otherwise I'd be a complete shut-in honestly. I've been there in my teens and twenties. Somehow it got better with time and life experience. Remember that people are generally not your enemies. If they see you in pain they'll most likely feel sorry for you even if they can't muster up the courage to help you. One method that helped me was to have a sarcastic monologue in my mind about my anxiety, like: "Oh no, I'm in a completely mundane situation that people go through every day, better lose my soykaf and start sweating". Somehow this overrided the real anxiety when it wasn't too severe. Crowded bars suck. So find a nice beer house (these tend to be cozy) to visit on low-traffic hours, drink a few beers and read the daily paper available.

I keep wanting to be incurably damaged or sick in some way that makes life difficult for me, because then I would have an excuse for my internal state. It's a stupid, evil thought and I hate thinking it, but otherwise this stupid misery means nothing and will always mean nothing. I'm probably not even depressed, just weak. What even is the difference between "can" and "cannot" anyway?

>>6928 Major depression. But I recently realized I was never mentally ill, it's the world that just is like kicking dead whales down the beach and everyone believes it's fine.

>>17908 I thought I was the only one who fantasizes about something like this too. I just picture myself keeling over or spewing out blood with the hope that people will pay attention to me. I have too much shame and morality to fake it, but I can't help but fantasize about it. In my case, I'd guess it's because I'm desperate for someone to care about me, but it's not even that. I just enjoy the idea of being on the ground, suffering and immobile while coughing up blood and dying alone. I know that I don't really want it, and that I'd regret it the moment it happens, but something in my mind just makes a disgusting yearn for it.

Does anyone have experience taking mirtazapine? I've been prescribed it because it supposedly has less manic side effects than other antidepressants

>>7245 intp here, you just sound like a colossal autist

I have ADHD and gender dysphoria. Computers help me cope with the latter but sometimes the former gets in the way of that desu.

>>17572 go beat her up, unironically. or at least confront her. does she know you are his friend?

I've been depressed and depondent for over 15 years now and my brain can no longer concentrate enough to learn anything. I can't better myself like this, I just want to die without making my grandma sad.

>>18540 I wish it was simple as having interests, which I do have and which are what prompts me to try to learn anything in the first place. What makes it bad is that trying to delve deeper into learning anything doesn't bear fruit. I think I've devoloped an actual learning disability from being in this headspace for so long.

I have no idea how I handled being publicly on the internet so easily and openly before. Now I hate every moment of it. I get vaguely paranoid about every trace I leave and not even anonymity makes me feel safe. I have crippling social anxiety IRL too but I don't know why or when it started. I was never called out on anything or did anything weird that I have to keep secret, so it's completely uncalled for. I'm getting worried about it, looks like psychosis.

>>18536 >ADHD >dysphoria >desu Do you happen to own a considerable amount of ThinkPads, a couple of Sun Ultras, and have a lisp?

>>17572 Report her to the authorities. Do not let her get away with it.

>>12552 Doing something is better than doing nothing.

>>18610 I own quite a few ThinkPads, no Sun Ultras and don't have a lisp though if you're thinking of someone specific.

I have gender dysphoria and PTSD, which I like to at least partially blame for the fact that I spend most days in my room doing fuarrrk all. >>18609 I don't know your (financial) situation lainanon, but if you're starting to get worried maybe try and see a professional about it? I know you're worried about your privacy as well, but they are law-bound to keep everything you tell them a secret.

>>18671 >if you're starting to get worried maybe try and see a professional about it? I have in the past. I do have issues, that's why I'm worried I might be degenerating. It's not like leaving personally identifiable info and using the same nickname on multiple platforms isn't an actual security issue, so I think I'll just take further precautions and try to forget about the things I can't remove.

For the past few years I've had suicidal thoughts and a general feeling of failure over past missteps, but mostly not being able to drive. It comes and goes in spades but I know I don't like living like this because it seems like it's never going to end. I briefly received therapy for this, and was told I'd see a new therapist who could better help with this but have since heard nothing. When I try to explain why I have these thoughts people don't seem to understand. I'm not upset because I've wasted thousands on lessons and tests (although it doesn't make it any better), it's because I feel like a failure and have done for the last 5 years. After more than enough attempts where I tried my hardest, I've given up and accepted I'm a failure. It's humiliating. What people really don't seem to get is that no amount of future success has made that feeling go away. As a hikki the thoughts are far less common now, but if a family member brings it up in passing or if a job asks if I have a license I just enter a depressed state for a few weeks until the feeling goes away. A friend got me a present two years ago to open when I passed my test as a way to motivate me. It remains unopened, and it breaks my heart when I remember that.

>>18870 On the bright side, driving is soykaf and you don't have to do it.

>>7048 >It's good to be skeptical but please be realistic. Have a look at the literature yourself - be conservative but don't be dismissive. This was the point of the original post you replied to.

>>7033 >Science degenerated to a large degree to another religion as it likewise runs on unquestioning belief in the preacher who merely replaced "god" with "science" while still selling snakeoil under the trusted label. Very well, said. With a lot of issues now you get people who know relatively nothing about science going "don't you believe in science??". Sounds vaguely familiar; science is a method of confirming reality, and when done correctly it can be reliable. Science is only as reliable as the people conducting it, and people obviously aren't always reliable.

>>18794 Alright, I hope it works out for you. I'm going to hazard a guess and say that not many people are interested in personally exposing or tracking you, so if you are careful from now on you will be absolutely fine. Stay strong!

>>6928 Serving military member with depression, I fully feel like I'm gonna suck start my rifle on the range one day

bipolar type 1 with psychotic features and "borderline personality disorder" I'm on two antipsychotics and a "mood stabilizer". I've been in and out of hospitals since I turned 17 and a half. I was addicted to Ativan and felt like I was dying and I'd have seizures. I come from a broken family with mental illness, cancer, and alcoholism. I've been sober from alcohol for 4 years now. I think the most damage I've done to my brain was from inhalants I guess hypoxia. I can barely breathe on my own and I'm just a dumb lobotomized vegetable at this point. My psychiatrist is barely working with me I might switch to cannabidiol for an antipsychotic.

I've been off medication for almost 7 weeks now. I was diagnosed with PTSD, GAD and depression (I don't know what the medical term for it is, otherwise I'd throw that acronym up there too). There's been debate if I'm schizoaffective or I have BPD, but it doesn't matter. I've considered suicide. I'm 31 (I do believe I posted earlier in the thread, but I can't remember) and I'm unsure if my life will get much better, missing out on things I and friends. I've gone through a few relationships and I don't think I'll ever find love. I guess that doesn't matter either. It's an overwhelming feeling of darkness, I guess. Tunnel-vision, like your life is over. Like you're in a dream and somewhere in that dream, you took a wrong turn, and everyone you knew is moving away, and you're ending up alone and broke. I often think the only way to combat it is to end myself.

During my elementary years they diagnosed me with ADHD and later autism, but this was around 2000 so I imagine I just got caught up in a fad diagnosis. I'd say I suffered more due to the way I was raised and the "treatment" the school gave me (which did jackshit), rather than whatever disorder I really have. Now, two decades later, I'm going to my first-ever therapy session in a couple days. Maybe they'll figure out what's truly wrong with me. Maybe they'll just dispense some generic advice and be done with it. But the closer the date gets, the more doubt I have that they'll help me fix anything. Especially since I couldn't find an actual psychologist to go to on my day off, just a licensed therapist. I've talked to my friend about it, and having been through plenty of therapy herself, she says this should set me on the right track. But I still have my doubts.

>>6928 Depression/anxiety/ADD Every moment I live makes me think humanity is going further downhill and there is no hope for the future. I find it extremely difficult to experience any emotions other than annoyance, anger, sorrow, and disappointment. I don't have any suicidal intentions and my life is basically fine, I have no material concerns, but I find no happiness in any activity.

>>6939 here guess what lads turns out i'm autistic too. At least now i can get neetbux.

>>19693 This describes my current situation quite well. I try to keep a positive aditude and enjoy the little things, but its hard when you see the stupid soykaf that is modern life all day. Try to keep in mind there are simple things worth living for. In some instances the developements are not even negative. And good luck to rest dont need more dead lainons.

>>19645 here. Went to my first session and hated it. Therapist was an older woman, possibly in her 60s or so, and could easily be mistaken for a schoolteacher by the way she looked. The way she spoke to me and tried to calm me when I got nervous was that same tone of voice that you'd use to talk to a kid. The same tone that teachers and students in high school would use to talk to students they deemed "retarded" and, thanks to my intense shyness in those days, that included me. She asked me several questions about my life, my hobbies, my goal for therapy, and stuff like that. I could barely respond to half of them. I understand the personal questions are an attempt to get to know me so she can understand her patient better, but it all felt so forced and mechanical. Like when you see someone trying to make small talk without being aware that the other person isn't interested in it. Some of the problems I had were my fault. I wrote a lot about how I was feeling and what I wanted to talk about, then when I went there I was too frozen and nervous to mention how I really felt. I wanted to talk how I feel subhuman and have no idea how to connect with others. Instead I wound up making it seem like I was looking for a place to meet people. I'm definitely going to seek out a different therapist. Probably someone younger, maybe they'll be more likely to listen and understand rather than treat me like a child. Because her attitude is what messed this whole thing up. It brought back too many memories of being dehumanized by everyone I met.