Call me a fedora tipper or whatever you want but

Does anyone else think that they wont ever feel like theyll find the perfect lover they want? Let me explain, It feels as if your personality is too incompatible or you just dont have much of one to engage in a loving relationship. A woman that would want a person such as myself would be pretty highstakes even if i did it I dont think i would take it, I just dont like someone whos been touched already. I feel a loving relationship is just a social construct in some cases, you see that guy with the hot chick ever most of the time that dude doesnt really love that chick, he uses her for her body, he also uses it to get better with his friends. I also admit that i look for looks aswell which also puts me at a low down turn but i wouldnt just use the woman for her body I would look for an actual loving partner, someone who i can stay by, someone i can quarrel with over fun and dumb stuff.. In the end though i mostly dont want it though because i can see how bad the world is, im not that retarded. You get my point though. Dont you lain?

There is nothing in this universe that is "perfect," nevermind a perfect lover. That doesn't mean you can't find love. Consider familial love: you may love your mom and your father and recognize their imperfections. The same holds for lovers, too.

Lainon take it from someone who actually got a virgin that it isn't that important and it doesn't really make anything better. It would be hypocritical to worry about such things and then look down on others as "using them for their body." Being involved with someone who has no grip on emotions they've never felt while dealing with that yourself is a mess with serious consequences. I feel you though on having a personality that you feel will never equal up with anyone. In the past I've had relationships where me and the person just didn't vibe and while sex is great when that glow wears off you are still you. You'll feel the way you do now. There's no magic escape into happiness. You just bump into people, and life is always messy. There's always going to be something wrong with it. So long as you look for faults you will find them.

>>69131 >>69131 Youre right about the familial part. I do love a good amount of them. I do dislike a couple members though but its not there fault. >>69132 >Lainon take it from someone who actually got a virgin that it isn't that important and it doesn't really make anything better. It would be hypocritical to worry about such things and then look down on others as Its not i look down on the person i just find it gross that someone could touch 5 other people then you. the rest is vaild.

Actually yes, I don't think im lucky enough to find love and please be respectful cuise ive been trough a lot. I can't even share all of the details.

>>69130 > I feel a loving relationship is just a social construct in some cases It is, but in a sense that it's a project that you work with with your partner. If you don't try in vein to have the right feelings and inclinations "naturally", you will soon develop a habit. For example, I love cooking for my gf. She spent 6 years living in the dorms for the uni and so her eating and cooking habits were not the best and she doesn't enjoy cooking. She also didn't really liked spices and elaborate cooking, going for soups and stews mostly. I moved out to my flat in the 2nd year and there wasn't any real easy takeout options except Papa John's so I started cooking regularly and discovered that I somewhat enjoy the craft. But something was missing. It was very enjoyable to cook but not so much eat surprisingly. Untill I realised that that's because I didn't share it with someone. So I enjoy it usually, but sometimes you really just don't want to cook and so that "Thank you, it was delicious. You can rest, I'll do the dishes"at the end really keeps you going. And when it also doesn't you feel responsible for your loved one eating healthy. And when that too doesn't move you you do it through sheer habit. When you can't do that you just ask her to cook, she's actually got much better with practice and someone to compliment her cooking. Hopefully this anecdote's relation to your question is self explanatory >>69132 Same, the fact kinda hindered us since she didn't have dating experience so I had to be more forgiving and patient

I thought that it wasn't possible to be happy with another person, because of how I feel about myself. The paranoia of "they must have some malice or motive to put up with me" is incredibly hard to deal with sometimes. But I have someone who is patient, and caring, and loving. I can trace every line back to the root - that she actually does care. The issue, fundamentally, is that I do not have self esteem. The idea that someone could love me has to come with an asterisk, otherwise why would they? The key discovery I've made is that how you perceive the world isn't always congruent with how it actually is, and as long as you use reason and logic to come to a conclusion, then it's probably okay. I don't know you, but I do know one thing about you. You are capable of being loved, so long as you allow yourself to. And be willing to discard the parts of yourself that prevent you from love. If you are abusive, then you cannot be loved. But if you care, and listen, and actually process what your partner tells you, then you can be loved.

>>69201 I have a partner that suffers from the same thing. I have it too, but much milder. Can you share some advice on how to approach helping them? It's really hard to strike a balance between allowing them to grow naturally which can make me suffer watching them go through the same mistakes I did and giving direct instructions and being a third parent that feels wrong on many levels and prompts her to panic and promise anything just so I'll stop talking. We're happy together but sometimes it just hits this softlock where we can talk in circles for hours. We make up at the end, but It can be exhausting and disengaging is very hard even if you know where this is going.

>>69212 Best thing you can do is sit her down and explain how you feel. Good and bad, being honest will prompt them to trust you more over time, and they'll slowly begin to trust that you're not conspiring. Ask how you can help, too. I'm the type to never bring up a problem without coming up with a solution. And at the end of the day, you shouldn't rob her of the opportunity to make mistakes. Obviously if it's something dangerous, you should suggest alternatives, but parenting, by my experience, comes across as condescending. The best advice I can give, disregarding everything else, is to not put her in defensive positions. Because even if she's right or wrong, if she feels attacked she will defend her position.

>>69213 I really wish I could not put her in these positions but she once got into a job that was essentially slavery for scraps but since she couldn't get a job for 6 months and her parents and relatives indoctrinated her into a thing where your worth is diminished if you don't have a job that corresponds to your education (even salary is not that important since she is a girl so she needs to forlcid on kids and taking care of the house simultaneously with having a 5/2 40h job) so she just got got in a mental trap where she returned home at 1 am with blisters and went to work at 7 am for 5 days until I couldn't take it anymore and so I just forbid her from going and cut all ties as soon as possible. It was a nessesary experience maybe, but 5 days was enough and I couldn't deal with it mentally as the most important person in my life was killing herself doing something nobody wanted (parents were horrified when they found out,) for scraps while crying and just mentally degrading.