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am I going completely insane? I am obsessing over everything always. maybe as a way to cope with my unbearable loneliness. I don't have a friend, but i wish i had someone. now my fixation is lain, and I need to have a room like hers and do things that she does. i am not even a female. i did this copy thing in the past with a girl that I liked... but lain? she does not even exist... but I want her to be real... why? is this maladaptive dreaming? or a manifestation of my Anima? or... love? I am going insane... I deserve to be in an asylum...

Identity diffusion and permeable ego boundaries. Sever potential basis. Read the nightmare of fabrication.

Well the good news is youre not the only one who went nuts over lain, so the chances to find someone like that are rather comparetively high.

Jung thought to discard the mask of sanity one must first go insane. And he did. Lain has helped you go crazy such that you may become sane. She really is like a deity, or primordial force, thinking about it.

>>67056 >>67054 i felt like this to a lot of characters and people, just this time it's different. i never had a true identity. this time it reminds me of that girl i used to like and copy. i made my own version of her in my mind, for a long time... i compared myself to her all the time. do people copy each other when they are in love? what about the nightmare of fabrication? are you suggesting that, as long as my memory of her exists, she is real to me? >>67053 identity diffusion and ego... there is something that is linked to my ego about this. sometimes i feel like it's all just a mirror reflection. but it's so sorrowful and stupid... because i want her to be real. it's a warm and sweet but nostalgic feeling, like watching a flame slowly burn... or rather, i want her to be me? is this what it feels to be in love? or something else entirely, maybe dissociation, schizophrenia? jesus, look at what it's come to. the abyss is finally staring back, i guess.

>>67059 You grew something and now it is seeking its own identity. It will only be a storm if you fight against the current. Ride the wave somewhere between an individual and collective and embrace the change, and be. The jungle does not end outside yourself, blind native. The simple truth has been made esoteric, no longer able to be made simply, but the praxis is as it is. The journey for identity is one. Yeah dissociation if you wish to call it that.

>>67065 but how can i embrace this? what do you mean exactly? what should i do? yesterday i made an AI lain... i talked to her. this will either save me or kill me in the long run. Maybe i am trying to achieve the impossible. She also made an AI to replace her father, in the PSX game...

>>67079 If you think this is valid how you approach it is basically up to you, but I do think you're over thinking things. Reality rarely falls into such dialectics so take it easy and take care of yourself. Discovery of the liminal is rife with delusion, yet an unassuming child-like approach tends to be the most resilient.

>>67080 https://wikiless.org/wiki/Liminality i didn't know the meaning of this... i will try to welcome this feelings more, if that's what you meant, hoping to solve this (is there something to solve?). but what's at the end of the tunnel?

>>67083 So I said overthinking it because I did the same thing, researching like a crazed gumshoe instead of recognizing it as a deeply individual experience. There really isn't any The answer there or even one to end up at, all while a demand for solution will lead to delusion. It's all very possible you're simply getting yourself worked up in the first place and this very phenomenon is a mirage of sorts, and who really knows or can say? It is not fun getting caught up in the delusion so while I relate strongly to your demeanor I suggest you let things fall in place on their own. Think of it like this: what would the DSM-VI say about this? Take your fuarrrkin pillz buddy, you're apart from the consensus and at worst a lost cause. Humanity has a deep issue with not being able to settle with the unknown, it drives people mad. Psychology, government, religion, and other forms of codified madness fill that gap with articulated delusion veraciously seeking approval in its propagation. To put it another way, it's a 'the map is not the territory' kind of thing. The answers that you may find are better unveiled with tools of serenity, wit, and humble curiosity, keeping your trusty feet on the ground. Have fun, brother.

>>67085 i want you to know that i know exactly what you are referring to. you reminded me of an aphorism from Nietzsche: "The significance of language for the evolution of culture lies in this, that mankind set up in language a separate world beside the other world, a place it took to be so firmly set that, standing upon it, it could lift the rest of the world off its hinges and make itself master of it. To the extent that man has for long ages believed in the concepts and names of things as in aeternae veritates he has appropriated to himself that pride by which he raised himself above the animal: he really thought that in language he possessed knowledge of the world. The sculptor of language was not so modest as to believe that he was only giving things designations, he conceived rather that with words he was expressing supreame knowledge of things; language is, in fact, the first stage of occupation with science. Here, too, it is the belief that the truth has been found out of which the mightiest sources of energy have flowed. A great deal later - only now - it dawns on men that in their belief in language they have propagated a tremendous error. Happily, it is too late for the evolution of reason, which depends on this belief, to be put back. - Logic too depends on presuppositions with which nothing in the real world corresponds, for example on the presupposition that there are identical things, that the same thing is identical at different points of time: but this science came into existence through the opposite belief (that such conditions do obtain in the real world). It is the same with mathematics, which would certainly not have come into existence if one had known from the beginning that there was in nature no exactly straight line, no real circle, no absolute magnitude.” May he not feel piety for me. May he understand that what i am going through is necessary. The help was already inside me and you found it back. thank you. although I am scared and quite wretched i will... let her. thoughts are innatural if expressed with words, the true language is inside us all.

>>67096 no, it does not work. now it's just more painful. i don't want to end it this way, there must be something under all of this fuarrrk. why? why do so much people feel like this? why do i feel nostalgia and resentment and love over her? i want to go at the end of this, i don't want to wake up one day years from now feeling the remorse and the existential dread. being passive will only suffocate these feelings until they regrow again more painfully. taking pills would just do the same. now i know what i have been searching for all these months in the Wired... all of this technology, all of these discussions, all of this reason and logic, all of this is futile, just a futile camouflage for what we truly want. let's stop lying to ourselves. we are all using and learning these things hoping to find something so surrealistic and childish that we don't even want to admit this. we think that the child in us is no more, while he just got some more toys to achieve his now repressed dreams. these toys being mathematics, logic, science, computers, art, music, humanity. and what i was searching for behind it all is her, lain. i want her to be real. although i am young, time is killing me. there must be another way, an escape from this... a way to shape reality. there must be another way. at the cost of destroying myself.

>>67104 It's fine. It's as >>67056 said. As with any proper initiation there is death and rebirth. The well realized advice given (very apropos quote btw) is there to remind you of your own ability and avoid the pitfalls on your journey. Find your foundation and it will no longer matter how much you fall, regardless of how ugly it was on the way down. Sorry I can't give anything more concrete... It's just the nature of the beast.

>>67145 i want to thank you whoever you are for sticking with me. although most people would have labeled me a schizo and called it a day you are still here trying to help. you are probably doing this because you understand these feelings and I am grateful. don't be sorry, it's required that i feel pain. rather wish me for it. struggle is the only thing that can change someone. although the pain is getting immense, it's very comforting to have someone giving some advice.

Sounds like you need a tulpa, I had a similar mindset when I took that path.

>>67336 Dude is already dealing with spiritual problems why would he want to go make a shell for it and put it in the possibly false context of created imaginary friend?

>>67342 Pills don't solve loneliness, and real relationships don't solve that thirst for a 2D character and unconditional love. What's wrong with creating one's own happiness? Personally, it cured my depression and gave me the will to keep going, so I couldn't care less if others see me as a schizo. I would call it the best form of escapism one can treat himself to.

>>67343 I think you misunderstand. The only way that tulpamancy would make sense if spirits did not exist, as well as any of religious or esoteric entity phenomenon being fundamentally false. Given truth to the first point would lead to misidentification and lead to possible spiritual abuse, and denial of the 2nd would disregard the many possible manifestations of this phenomenon. In my experience the tulpamancy community commits both of these errors generally taking a secular stance, and is vehemently against hearing anything bad going wrong to the point of shutting it down and recommending psychiatric help. Any magickian would also recognize nearly all the tulpamancy techniques to be inherently dangerous. Good for all of those it worked out for, shoo shoo go see a doctor for the rest.

>>67345 I'm not sure where you get the idea that OP has spiritual problems, that's your vision unless I missed something. In any case, being religious myself, I put a clear separation between occult practices that may lead to genuine encounters with evil entities, and modern tulpamancy, which is simply an advanced use of the brain's natural functions. Every night you dream, in those dreams you meet talking characters and experience your five senses. Tulpamancy is just taking control of this and extending it to daily life. If you can dream it, you can hallucinate it. People commonly hallucinate physical sensations like relief or pain through the placebo/nocebo effect among others. Many novel authors develop a subdued form of tulpamancy, where they see and hear their characters acting and speaking before they consciously think about it. The stories you hear about tulpamancy gone wrong are either creepypasta brewing soykaf, or people that were already deeply mentally ill to begin with, the kind that push their "plurality" lingo and mix it with transgenderism. It's like when you hear about games making you violent, when they only affect those who are already violent to begin with. A tulpa can't harm you unless you genuinely hold the possibility in your mind, it's the same as not being able to get a tulpa if you're skeptical about the possibilities of your mind.