motivation for what?

I learned programming for making my own programs which will be fit my daily usagement. Not for getting a job, or learn how really computers works etc. I just want to use my own programs what I coded. But I realized there're such great softwares already existed. I know that's no matter between making my own programs and good softwares already existed, but I got lost my motivation and my way. I felt all I do is just worthless and wasted my time even this process will make me be better at programming then before. So I stopped programming currently. If I want to restart, sometimes, I open books, but lack of will make me too hard to concentrate at those. This will cause same if I want to code. Maybe I don't really have to ``learn programming``. I didn't went to collage/uni, I don't work at computer related things. etc. I think starting programming is my mistake. Why? My main hobby was philosophy/psychology etc. Not really related with math and science(like physics). How to motivate yourself even though you don't really have to learn coding like my situation? Can you fight with your negative minds? Or. I think there're already many people to code as their hobby even they don't have jobs/work at programming/computer related ones. I think it's totally problem with myself. Why? Do I have a low-intelligence brain? Well, I don't know. But I'm sure i'm a fuarrrking glitterboy or a retard. whatever. I don't care about what am I. Maybe I do self-justification for giving up at coding. I think this posting have to write in /hum/ but, I don't know where should I go. I said this posting focused on programming, but do/did you guys have similar situation like me recently or in past? How did you save yourself? If you give up, does it make you be sad or self-harming through your thoughts? I back to write poems and writings. Reading many books at the same time even I gave up programming though. Yes. I'm happy with them. But sometimes, programming books remind me how I fuarrrking gave up. It really usually triggered my autisim, OSD thoughts be started. So I'll throw away them as soon as possible.

Hack to learn, don't learn to hack. Don't open the book and just stare at it unless the concept is totally alient, it's a reference when you don't know a concept or how to use some detail, usually. If the books are too bland go read someone's code and implement the most bare-bones version of your favorite idea, and iterate on it until it's less bad. If excessive net use is getting in your way, build some discipline. De-stimulate yourself so that something you actually want to do stops seeming boring in comparison to the useless dopamine drip you get otherwise. When you've got the impulse to waste your time, instead close the screen, take a break, and consider: - Going for a walk and looking at things - Exercise of some kind - Just sitting there and thinking It may seem counterintuitive, but doing nothing for a little part of your day may actually be more productive for you in the long run over doing something useless. Find a need, maybe? I'm about to implement a seriously outrageous idea that I know everyone here on lainchan is sure to love, and I can think of at least 3 more projects that would be even crazier. Do you like to think big? Even if not, there are many projects out that that could use help. Things that don't exist yet, even. Fly little birdie ;D