Being a 25 yo hermit-virgin

So excuse me if I do anything wrong, my first post ever on this site. Saw that quite a few of you had mental problems, were/are NEETs or struggle with solitude. Are there other older virgins here? I'm 25, never kissed or had sex or been in any kind of relationship. I also don't have any friends and never worked a single day in my life. Plus I barely even leave the house. Idk how much blogposting is tolerated here, I will try to keep it short: during high school I had depression and had numerous suicide attempts. Back then I still cared a great deal about finding a gf and it upset me very much how easily others could do this yet I was clueless about the whole thing. So I started to distance myself from others, I had friends back then but I started to isolate myself. I refused several invitations to parties and such, in fact never even been to a proper party. This resulted in me not caring about my studies and I skipped class lots of times too, it got to the point I could barely graduate high school. Not because I was dumb but even if I went to class I just didn't see the point in writing tests and learning. I handed in most tests and exams without writing a single word on them. At home I was sleeping most of the time. I didn't enjoy anything then because I was obsessed with not getting sex. When I was 20 I tried to OD myself on sleeping pills. Had to spend time in psychiatry, around a week. Even there, I felt like the weird person. It was a surprising experience. I thought there would be more weirdos like me there but I found most people relatively normal compared to myself. They chatted and socialized, I was the only one who spent his time reading books or daydreaming. After I got out I stopped taking the pills immediately. I find psychology and psychiatry to be nothing more than mind control devices, like what religion used to be in ancient times pretty much. And the advice I received from the so called professionals was honestly just dumb and generic. Anyway. After that I finally was allowed to NEET by my family, they don't force me to find a job or anything, they know I'm not like others. I live a hermit-like life and I found the vitality and joy that was lost during my teens. In solitude I found happiness. I finally accepted myself for who I am and started to enjoy my hobbies again. I spend my time reading manga, comics, books, VNs and watching anime, movies, TV shows, cartoons. I don't do anything "productive" with my time, at least by society's values. I like reading philosophy I guess so I do that when I don't want to read or watch something with a story. No online friends for me either. There was a time, from last year to around a couple of months ago, when I did some research among the opposite sex about what they think of someone like me. I made social media profiles and started texting women in my hometown and even farther away just randomly. I never even tried to have a gf or said to a girl that I liked her until I was 24. I tried to chat with older women, most of them married or had bfs. I didn't expect anything out of this, I was curious what women thought about a person like me simply. Of course most derezzed me or never even wrote back. There were some who wrote back and we talked and it usually ended with them calling me "too abstract" or "too overbearing/forceful". Could be because I never took No for a No and continued to try until the end with each of them. One of them called me a psychopath because I harassed her a little, made multiple profiles just to insult or troll her because she rejected me. She was 41, married for 7 years but she was the one that talked the longest to me, for some months. We also live in the same small town, I invited her over to my house several times when I was alone but she was too afraid to actually visit me. This was a little a test of courage for me, like I said I didn't expect even this much. I guess I was curious whether I had the courage or not to approach a woman, someone who is older than me and married. You could say why not just visit a prostitute? That's a valid question but I don't care that much about the whole deal. I'm all right with being alone and masturbating to porn in my room basically, in fact I prefer this to being around others and constantly having to worry about their expectations. From my little "experience", trying to get a gf is like trying to get a job. You have to impress them and I don't like this at all. I find the whole deal of approaching women to be shameful on some level, why is it me that has to run after them? Poetic question, no answer needed. Life turned out to be not a porn movie/hentai after all, at least for me, heh. So are there any other manchildren hermit NEET virgins around here? Are you satisfied with your life? Or you want to improve in some sense of the word? I would also like the opinion of the common, average people here. I'm open to all kind of opinions. Am I too weird to post here?

>>60468 As for my small opinion, I would love for even longer blogs by thoughtful lainanons, such as yourself. It seems to me that the go to assumptions on the net are out of date. Yes, being a NEET, is an act of courage! Be all that you have stated to your hearts content. The kicker is that you'll need to escape your jurisdiction to impregnate famles to continue your line into the future. If in the west, beware

Guess your not a posting virgin anymore, had to throw in that one. I can strongly relate to this, my life went very similar in general. Im 32 now, never worked or had a gf either, what is left of my friends are even worse fuarrrked up than me mostly. I tried to be more normal, sorta like you did, but found out quickly that most people are just npcs and that i have a better time on my own, which is to say not that great but it has its moments. From my experiences its just not worth trying to meet people, the interesting people have their lifes set up and you dont meet those kind on the street. Like many i do mostly stuff on the computer of all sorts, i used to read but it fell on the wayside for now. Ive pretty much given up on life and just play games or wonder around idly and daydream too, but those are stale too now, lying in bed all day is tempting but because of my back i cant do it. Its hard not getting frustrated by not having sex as young person, you have the odds stacked against you and the whole world out to tell you youre no good. The game is so rigged once you drop out you drop out, its all one huge ratrace with no real winner, but everyone is a loser. Nowdays im fairly content and comfy with my life, i used to be heavly depressed too, with most of the usual problems. I manage to keep myself toghether with weed, its not without problems, but as long as i get to smoke up its all good. As long as i have a roof over my head and some of my toys i can handle life ok. People say to "get out there", well i tried and saw that there is nothing out there, nothing that can compare to the virutal life anyway, so i decided to dedicate my life to computer fuarrrkery assorted stuff. On the topic of weirdos btw, there a different dimensions of weird that you cant fathom, there out there but you cant see em.

>>60468 >a test of courage you're just mentally ill lain, shouldn't have stopped taking meds

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>>60492 Charles, you seem to be missing from any mention on the about us page!

>So are there any other manchildren hermit NEET virgins around here? I am non binary autistic lonely abused person and I fuarrrked so many sexworkers I lost track. >Are you satisfied with your life? Or you want to improve in some sense of the word? Lonely, need more money sexworkers. >Am I too weird to post here? No

>I find psychology and psychiatry to be nothing more than mind control devices, like what religion used to be in ancient times pretty much. I do confirm, the stated "psychosis" was organized for the child sex abuse scandals.

>>60468 CIA is able to erase whole portions of the web. How will you speak your history in the face of the tsunami?

>>60470 >The kicker is that you'll need to escape your jurisdiction to impregnate famles to continue your line into the future. Having a family seems retarded to me, the whole sex thing aside. You will have to pay child support for 18 years, I'd rather pass. Even if I had an income. >>60491 Maybe but mental illness=person who isn't useful to society basically. The only thing they tried to beat into my head in psychiatry was study, get a job. Makes sense in a practical line of thinking but maybe there is more to life than that. The meds only help if you still think along the values of society. I took the meds and they made happy/high energy but didn't give me motivation or goals or meaning. That is why I stopped. It's not different from telling a sad person to just drink alcohol when they feel down. It's not a solution, just something that helps you cope easier with existence and its troubles. >>60483 >From my experiences its just not worth trying to meet people >People say to "get out there", well i tried and saw that there is nothing out there, nothing that can compare to the virutal life anyway, so i decided to dedicate my life to computer fuarrrkery assorted stuff. Exactly my experiences. I think we aren't on the same wavelength as others. We can't fix this and I don't think that we should fix it even if we could. For one reason or another we got disconnected from the herd, probably at an early age. Surely, the sex would be good but not at the price of giving up who we are. I am also okay with life as long as I have internet and a place to live. It's not so bad this way. The bad thing about this kind of life is the knowledge that it won't last forever. NEETing and being a recluse is fine as long as we have people who take care of us. Once they are gone, it's over. For me, not having friends is cool, I never really cared about that. In fact, I don't even dream about romantic relationships and stuff like that. It's sex itself that my body craves and this desire makes me do stupid things from time to time, like the aforementioned adventure I had with trying to "seduce" women. Luckily, my libido is lower nowadays. I masturbate once or twice a week, previously I had to do it twice or three times daily. >I tried to be more normal, sorta like you did I'd like to hear some stories you have. >>60494 The thing that kept me back from prostitutes is fear of getting robbed by some pimp or drug addict friend of theirs. That and STDs.

>>60502 i believe neets dont pay child support, you only pay if you have income, no income = state pays. read about families making babymaking their biz as they sit on welfare and churn out 4-5 kids which earns increasingly more money from state.

>>60494 Protips for finding sexworkers? I'm near what's nationally recognized as a high crime city, for better or worse. 32yo virgin and any instinct for a romantic relationship is long dead. :)

I fuarrrked a whore once. Didn't feel that great. I might do it again. But my goal is to find a gf, I'm getting closer to that. If I don't, that's alright. Sexfriends are just around the corner. And even if don't fuarrrk anyone else, I'll be fine. I think not having a job past a certain age, totally drops women interest on you. If you don't have a job, you at least gotta have a ambition, life goal, dream you want to pursue on your life. They like men who has it and some of them might join you and help you out - well of course, if they like you. Not saying this just to get your penis in a vagina. But aim at something high. If you list your strengths you will know you can do a lot of interesting soykaf. Not saying you are not doing already - but I'd like to mention that. I tried to fool myself with this 'being who I am and doing what I am" philosophy. But it didn't work out. I've some objectives in life I intend to achieve that doesn't match with the way I'm behaving - so I'm creating efforts to change. I play video games and soykaf yet. Usually when I'm on my resting weekend or vacation. But i gotta tell you nothing feels better than having productive days and feeling you are improving yourself.

>>60513 Where? Is it legal? There should be websites if it's legal. I've never been truly in trouble doing this. >32yo virgin and any instinct for a romantic relationship is long dead. :) Do it, you will like it. There's diversity, I've gotten free extra time.

Look at /vent/, you'll find people in similar (but not exactly the same) situations.

>>60518 Not legal anywhere around here. I've heard there are dedicated sites but that's some shady soykaf I'm not familiar with.

I have literally zero desire to do anything with a prostitute. Difficult for me to imagine > made multiple profiles just to insult or troll her because she rejected me jesus christ wtf >You could say why not just visit a prostitute? That's a valid question but I don't care that much about the whole deal. I'm all right with being alone and masturbating to porn in my room basically It is obvious that this isnt true and you're just trying to cope with your situation. Obviously it's a big issue for you, but you're not equipped to have relationships, so you are probably the ideal candidate for a prostitute, it might help with your clearly serious issues regarding sex

>>60504 You are right. But you never know when you will be forced to wageslave away. And if that happens, it will be better not having to pay childsupport or stuff like that. Aside from money matters, the pressure from my family to "take responsibility" would be unbearable. I don't want to raise kids. I can't even take care of myself properly. >>60514 >I think not having a job past a certain age, totally drops women interest on you Yes, I can confirm this is true in the majority of cases. Most women want a male that can support them and take care of them, protect them in any sense of the word. It's not even about goals or jobs, just having some kind of income or being able to survive in some way. You can be a rich kid with a massive inheritance and no women will care about your life goals or dreams. Power is what turns women on. Any kind of power or authority or unique talent. And related to this, the stigma against people who are considered mentally unstable by society is real. There was one girl I talked with, she was okay with me not working and being a virgin but when I told her about my suicide attempts she left as quickly as possible. >improvement >being productive I don't really see myself fitting in with society in any way. That's why I don't care about being productive. Be productive for whom? For the people I dislike and avoid? Ok, there is self-improvement in the way that you do it for yourself only and that I can respect. For that, my interest lies in art/entertainment and philosophy. I've got autist-tier fixations on these things. I can put on a video game music I enjoy and daydream for hours for example. But honestly I don't consider myself a creative or original person that much. You create art to share it with others and to communicate some message usually. Who would I share it with? And like I said, I'm not creative that much to actually create something. I enjoy reading or watching things others created but creating is far from me. I am too much of a hedonist to bother with self-improvement at this point. I don't think hedonism is necessarily wrong, for my personality it is just fine. >>60523 >jesus christ wtf Hehe, then you would be surprised at some other things I did or said. I said to her that she was a cocksucking whore and that probably the whole town gangbangs her regularly so I don't envy her husband. Yeah, I don't take rejection lightly. She is an extremely fragile woman and I took delight in tormenting her mentally and emotionally. Typical 10/10 attractive woman who never had any problems in her life, spoiled by every man wherever she went, etc. A little bullying wouldn't hurt her, I figured. Oh yeah, I also said to her that she should realize her age already and should look for a home for elderly persons already instead of uploading slutty pics about herself and pretending to be 20. I can only hope I made her cry. >cope People like to say everyone who is content with his life is just coping these days. I sat down one time and resolved this identity crisis of mine. I wrote down on one side the positive things that come with sex and the negative things. I concluded that for me to have sex, I'd have to drastically change my self and my whole personality and that at this cost it wasn't worth it. Of course, if some attractive woman came to my door and offered herself up to me just like that I wouldn't refuse. But I decided I won't change and I won't go out of my way to please people who look down on me and think I'm a creep. Better off alone, for me at least.

The vent thread would have been perfect for this kind of discussion. It would also give you more perspective and hopefully some insight. >>60468 You sound like immature and even actually unstable if you harass someone for rejecting you. Obviously, you need to stop doing that if you want to find someone who truly loves and cares about you. The truth is that no one has obligation to like or love you, or be your friend. >Or you want to improve in some sense of the word? Everyone should constantly try to improve themselves. Because you need to develop yourself further simply for the fact that you have reborn into this world.

>>60533 >You sound like immature and even actually unstable if you harass someone for rejecting you. Obviously, you need to stop doing that if you want to find someone who truly loves and cares about you. The truth is that no one has obligation to like or love you, or be your friend. Yes and I have no obligations to anyone either, that's why I bullied her. It goes both ways. I don't have to be nice, polite or understanding to someone who doesn't behave the same way to me. It's not being immature or unstable, it is called having a healthy self-respect and self-defense mechanism. Self-improvement is only important for those who are dissatisfied with themselves and their positions in life. If you are happy or content there is no need to improve.