Super immature and possessive wrt new platonic relationship

Throughout most of middle school and all of high school I had a solid group of like 6 friends, all fairly weird, but they are great guys. I was satisfied with the friendship and never felt any emotions of loneliness. I frequently had those nights of just immense excitement getting cozy gaming with the group. I started university in Sept 2021 and have had no friends whatsoever through April. For university there were of course people I interacted with regularly for clubs, group projects, etc and I would always make it fun by getting us off topic and making jokes and whatnot. But I haven't hung out with anyone whatsoever since uni. Fridays/Saturdays during the year I started feeling lonely and like I was missing out; a feeling I never had even on Fridays/Saturdays where I was alone during high school. I remember my parents asking what my plans were with a pitiful tone and I genuinely had no negative feeling; I enjoyed the relaxation. This summer, a few weeks ago, I got a job at the uni. It is like the test tube perfect opportunity to make friends; like 25 young undergrads, many of whom are really into technology, none of whom knew eachother previously, with obviously open schedules besides work, working independently but we meet twice a week for stuff like speaker events, etc (ie no stress whatsoever). I capitalized on this perfectly. Day 1 I was confident and created a like 4 person conversation. Me and one guy seemed to click. That Friday getting off the bus I asked him his plans, asked him to dinner, and we talked for like six hours straight until they kicked us out of the place. Since, we meet like 2-3 times a week to eat, walk and talk, watch movies etc. The first emotion was pure bliss. Like I could just sit in my apt and smile at the thought that this guy liked me enough to text and meet up. Then it moved to a desire for sex. Not so much out of raw lust (although partially), but moreso out of a desire to share a mutually vulnerable experience if that makes sense, and out of curiosity (I've never had a sexual relationship). Partially I think it's because he's very touchy--subconsciously touching my shoulders, arm, knee, hands when talking, but he noticeably subconsciously pulls back when I reciprocate. At one point he mentioned having a girlfriend and it made me subtly jealous/possessive. I think enoughso that I googled "overly possessive of friend site:reddit.com", but I didn't feel it too bad about it. Weirdly I don't think he's mentioned her one other time in our probably 50 hours of conversation to date. Then lately, like last week, we were talking and he mentioned him hanging out with another friend of his the previous night and I was filled with the extreme mix of possessiveness, jealousy and even aggressive emotions like person dislike. My first, purely emotional and irrational reaction was to kind of detach from the conversation short term (it was subtle but iirc I started giving shorter responses, being the slightest bit more irritable, etc) and begin cutting him off long term. Then luckily I quickly recognized the irrationality and snapped out of it; obviously this dude is not going to have more than one friend. But it was still hard for my rational brain to fight the irrational emotional response. I guess the emotion breaks into 3 categories: 1) a feeling of anger that he didn't introduce me to or invite me to hang out with his friends 2) a feeling of jealousy that he has multiple groups of people inviting him to do stuff whereas I have only him 3) a feeling of possessiveness where I want me to be his only friend just has he is my one friend so we have a one on one bond, perhaps compounded by my underlying sexual attraction. I'm frustrated by how much power these emotions have over me. I don't know if my brain has substituted him in as a sexual partner and is running the cheating partner circuitry against him as a false positive. Just today he sends me pictures of things he finds interesting about American Memorial Day (he's from eastern Europe) like cornhole being weird or a picture from his friend's goddamn highrise (wealthy friends) because we have talked about wishing we had nicer apartments so we could have a TV to watch stuff with together. And my immediate raw emotional response is to...cut him out of my life by weaning interaction out of anger! This is a nice dude who hangs out with me even though he's got other options and is thinking about me even when he's out and about, why tf would I cut him off! What is wrong with me! The split between my rational and emotional minds is so jarring. My main wonder is whether this anger/possession/jealousy emotion is driven by the underlying subtle sexual desire or just or sufficiently by the platonic connection. I'm wondering if anyone has any similar experiences and how it went. 5 months ago I would've dreamed of having a good friend, and now I do and my mind is trying to fuarrrk it up. I also want advice on the sexual desire. My brain is in complete denial that he obviously wouldn't fuarrrk as he has a gf and is probably straight. But little things like his touchiness, him talking about my hair/eye color, him calling me cute (in describing why he's surprised I've never had a gf) keep me in denial. Basically, those of my fellow loners, have you had these emotions while rebuilding your relationships? What types of similar experiences have you had?

You're insane. My recommendation is to jerk it to ruined holes until you die and never seek romantic relationships.

Considering that you're not a femanon, are you homosexual, OP? I don't know how romantic feelings work for gay people about other guys, but it's likely that you're extremely emotional towards socializing. Looks like you're carwashing reality with pure libido and volition. Try to think about what's lacking in your livelihood with yourself, communicate with your loneliness and try to perceive it as a natural thing, as it is, completely. Try to fill your chronic craving for social interaction and meaning with something only you can offer to yourself. If you can't find that by all means, you kinda reached the stress point that needs to be worked around. You know that you're giving emotional strength to literal strangers over you, right? You know that's the most effective way to get utterly hurt inside because you can't control what happens inside other people, right? Then chill the fuarrrk out, do something you like, stop pretending you're something you're not, meditate on your life, get a grasp on studies, do some fuarrrking charity, get into good fantastic reading. You gotta nurture good feelings in yourself and about yourself, fren. >>59439 Jesus Christ, man.

Sounds like you're in love. I'd recommend making other friends (over-reliance on a single person can result in a sort of imprinting, in my experience). It'll probably take a long time for these feelings to fade, if they do. If it walks like a crush, quacks like a crush, etc.

>>59442 > are you homosexual, OP? There are women I'd fuarrrk and dudes I'd fuarrrk but I've never fuarrrked anyone. I've felt lust but I don't think romantic love. When rubber meets the road I could see myself bitching out of either. So I don't know where that puts me. > You know that you're giving emotional strength to literal strangers over you, right? Yes this is why I'm frustrated. What is your recommendation on stuff to read? I love reading technical whitepapers and specifications, etc (eg the JSON spec or unicode whitepapers or markdown dialect specs, etc). It all is especially fun when it's relevant to a project I'm working on. But besides that stuff where I get completely immersed, my problem is I feel lonely when reading, like I'm missing out on the world. In principle it seems so fun to read John Locke type stuff or the Federalist but once I actually sit down to do it it feels like such a waste of time. >>59443 Yeah I think probably a good idea to branch out. We'll see how I do though considering my rate of success for the past 6 months. I know for sure the imprinting is already happening. I guess yeah it's probably just a crush.

>>59479 unsurprising that you're bisexual. i think you just have an unhealthy crush after being alone for so long, soykaf is like kicking dead whales down the beach. I've been there; I'm there right now and if you look through /hum/ I've posted on anon about it. I don't really have any specific advice but i hope you can chill out, lainon

>>59577 Thanks man. It feels a little more fuarrrked than just a crush but I don't really understand. But yeah I think you're right. I know nothing about this type of stuff so yeah it's no wonder why I'm confused. My life has so much good going on right now, I'm so grateful. Work, hobbies, school, projects. My social situation is the only thing remotely negative and it's completely lacking. It's like I want to fuarrrk not out of sexual attraction really but just because...of our strong connection? Don't know

>>59582 >It's like I want to fuarrrk not out of sexual attraction really but just because...of our strong connection? Don't know i relate to this. it's normal to feel this way when you like someone romantically, wanting to fuarrrk stops being a purely carnal thing and you want it for the intimacy and emotional closeness as well.

>>59592 >Heterosexual romance That's gay.

> Partially I think it's because he's very touchy--subconsciously touching my shoulders, arm, knee, hands when talking, but he noticeably subconsciously pulls back when I reciprocate. I have been reciprocating without fail and now lately he has stopped pulling back so this relationship has become very touchy overall. Also he started introducing me to his friends which is nice

>>59629 aww thats cute i hope you can get the emotional development done so you can have a healthy relationship, the crush doesn't sound one-sided!

don't fall for it lain, dare to say no to flaggotry and degeneracy

>>59633 >dodging the language enhancer lame

>>59635 >dodging I ain't dodging, my language has been enhanced. Flaggot is a superior version of the traditional word, its more inclusive, and it evokes the powerful image of the fagflag. I for one thank Apple Bro 9000 for this remarkable device which has, and I mean this honestly, spurred innovation and pushed us to new frontiers in the English Language.

>>59630 > emotional development What do you mean by that? > the crush doesn't sound one-sided! But he's got a gf, and seems like a straight dude. I think it's pretty hopeless. I think his touchiness is more of a subconscious idiosyncrasy.

>>59479 >so I don't know where that puts me Who cares where that puts you? I hate to express myself like a normalfazhet, but in your case it would be healthy to actually get physical. I would pay a hooker and see how it goes, but since you seem to crave romance very much, it could be dangerous. Just...IDK man, moderate a bit your emotional cravings, see whats missing inside you. You won't succeed if you dwell outside of your personal scope. >what is your recommendation on stuff to read? I love HP Lovecraft, so I'd recommend Call of Chtulhu and The Dunwich Horror. If you want something lighter, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Seas by Jules Verne or, honestly, any of his works. I am not the best anon to recommend novels/narratives, since I'm more of a philosophy and esoteric reader. If you want the inform on your problem, just read Schopenhauer, I think it would help enormously.

>>59671 > moderate a bit your emotional cravings This sounds like a joke but I've considered getting myself neutered, could be a nice solution. I've read about Schopenhauer but that's a good idea reading his stuff. I remember him saying some ancient Indian(?) texts were life-chaning for him so maybe those could be good too.

>>59640 >What do you mean by that? being super possessive isn't healthy. speaking as someone who is super possessive >But he's got a gf fuarrrk i forgot idk man its still weird he'd be so touchy with you. honestly i doubt he's straight, probably bi, but yeah, i wouldn't want to break up a happy relationship. not sure how to advise you honestly. >>59694 >I've considered getting myself neutered, could be a nice solution. this only works for reducing pure lust, you'll still feel pretty much the exact same way emotionally. speaking as someone who's neutered myself lol

>>59700 adding on: neutering doesn't even completely kill your sex drive most of the time. i still get horny as fuarrrk sometimes, it's just a once-a-week horny instead of a daily horny.