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I feel like an outsider and I can't connect with people, even my family. Even If I'm getting on very well, I still feel detached. I tick quite a few boxes on the autism diagnostic sheet like inability to make eye contact, sensory issues, but the thing is, I'm a very empathetic person and the opposite of blind to social nuance. Autism is being mind-blind or blind to external signals of the mind, which isn't me at all. I'd like to work out the hell is wrong with me.

Brain damage from vaccines and lifelong exposure to wireless devices. Could be some other aspects. Basically it was done to you, in any case. It's not muh "it's just who I am".

>>58562 >It's not muh "it's just who I am". And to add, anyone trying to tell you that has either bought into the lie to feel better, or they're lying and attempting to gaslight you into believing in some bullshit reality where they didn't maim and manufacture you like a piece of meat spat out from the womb and onto the production line. You were in the pipeline from conception. We all were.

>>58562 >>58563 Got any evidence?

>>58564 I get no benefit out of Investing energy into this area. Might as well throw my time and energy and then get it over with and just throw myself into a black hole. It's obvious when you start thinking in terms of full spectrum dominance and humans economically, as livestock who can be assigned a monetary value and ideally turned into permanent customers to milk right up until the old folk's home when you lead them up the ramp. Suzanne Humphries MD - Dissolving illusions (or her talks on Youtube) Sherri Tenpenny John Bergman DC (youtube) Murder by Injection by Eustace Mullins. Read the inserts and consult the literature yourself. Bioelectromagnetics and magnetobiology are complex areas to get into, at least initially. Even if I succeeded in making it as accessible as possible the odds that you or anyone else would follow through are slim to none. The projected ROI from spoonfeeding is, as always, negative. https://www.mediafire.com/folder/dj875cd10yb72/EMF Some inspiration: Broom 2019 - Early-Life Exposure to Pulsed LTE Radiofrequency Fields Causes Persistent Changes in Activity and Behavior in C57BL/6J Mice https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/bem.22217 Otherwise just know some schizophrenic on the internet told you it was so.

Jesus. This could've been a half-decent thread. Anyway, OP, how were you treated growing up? I know I got diagnosed with autism and thought that all my problems stemmed from it, until I started looking into my childhood and realized how abusive and neglectful it was. And like you, I'm not mind-blind at all, but I still tick all the stereotypical "socially awkward and book-smart" boxes. It's led me to wonder just how many autism diagnoses are true and how many are just because of lazy/incompetent doctors. I'd suggest seeing a therapist that's aware of childhood trauma, or at least looking up some resources on emotional neglect. Just doing the latter was a huge eye-opener for me.

>>58567 >Jesus. This could've been a half-decent thread. >Anyway, OP, how were you treated growing up? No, you stupid prick, it's not a matter of "one or the other". You don't just get to disregard the hard biological layer of things because it makes you feel unsettled. Who do you think is often posting about early childhood trauma and all the other developmental, family, psychosocial soykaf around here? You think I haven't factored in how broken families, and cluster B parents, and on and on, fuarrrk kids up? Listen, dickhead. Kids have been left alone in a dark room to cry themselves to sleep for the last 100+ years. Mothers left the home en masse I don't know.... 50 years ago? Where was the rapid spike in autism 50 years ago? Kids have been abused, deprived, and fuarrrked with in all manner forever. The only actual novel thing is the helicopter parent phenomena, but this alone won't do it. You're a fool. Sorry, just going to be blunt. You're not a realist, you're not more grounded, you're not a superset of anyone. You're part of the problem. I knew 100% your exact reply would come 1 to 3 posts after mine, because it's literally always the exact same pattern. And I haven't even got into aluminum, barium, strontium, and microplastics embedded in your brain. US is 55th globally in infant mortality. https://www.cia.gov/the-world-factbook/field/infant-mortality-rate/country-comparison Variance by state https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/infant_mortality_rates/infant_mortality.htm Chen et al 2016 - Why Is Infant Mortality Higher in the United States Than in Europe? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4856058/ As of 2011's data 43% of children in the US have at least 1 of 20 chronic health conditions. 54% if we include obesity. Bethell et al 2011 - A National and State Profile of Leading Health Problems and Health Care Quality for US Children: Key Insurance Disparities and Across-State Variations https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21570014/ Pentagon data from 2017 estimates 71% of those 17-24 are physically, cognitively, or psychologically unfit for military service. https://www.heritage.org/defense/report/the-looming-national-security-crisis-young-americans-unable-serve-the-military Rate of autism continues to rise. 1 in 59 males nationally. https://www.autismspeaks.org/science-news/cdc-increases-estimate-autisms-prevalence-15-percent-1-59-children The highest is at 1 in 38 in New Jersey. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/04/190411131538.htm Thorpe 2012 - The medicalization of chronic disease and costs. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22224894 Selden 2019 - Decomposing changes in the growth of U.S. prescription drug use and expenditures, 1999-2016. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31070264 Miller et al 2016 - Prevalence and Costs of Five Chronic Conditions in Children https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5010981/ Perrin et al 2014 - The Rise In Chronic Conditions Among Infants, Children, And Youth Can Be Met With Continued Health System Innovations https://www.healthaffairs.org/doi/full/10.1377/hlthaff.2014.0832 "In 1960, 1.8 percent of children were reported to have a health condition severe enough to interfere with usual daily activities. In 2010, more than 8 percent of children had a health condition that interfered with daily activities—an increase of more than 400 percent in fifty years." "Publicly insured children have more chronic conditions than children who have private health insurance (24 percent versus 18 percent). Male children have 50 percent higher rates of chronic health conditions, as well as increased prevalence of asthma, autism spectrum disorders, physical disability, behavior or learning problems, and medical complexity, compared to female children."

>>58566 Words words words. Stuff stuff stuff. Don't step aside to let chiropractors on YouTube who spew falsehoods and bunk and who obfuscate by virtue of being rambling schizos do the talking. And that media fire thing... what do you expect me to do, sift through that crap? Make a point in your own words, support it with empirical evidence.

>>58569 >Don't step aside to let chiropractors on YouTube who spew falsehoods Cry more, tool.

>>58568 >Why Is Infant Mortality Higher in the United States Than in Europe? Hmm... maybe it's because there is a many fold percentage of the population, who are dirt poor and don't have access to health care or proper conditions. That is, a much larger percentage of non-whites, namely blacks. >Rate of autism continues to rise. 1 in 59 males nationally. Everyone knows that paternal age increases the rate of autism, and that paternal age is increasing. Similarly, mutational load is increasing which contributes as well to rising autism. Health problems are explained by an abundant post-industrial society with post-darwinian conditions where mutational load keeps rising. Also, the obvious things like people getting fatter and fatter, eating worse and worse, moving less and less, stress, etc

>>58572 >Hmm... maybe it's because there is a many fold percentage of the population, who are Hmmmmm, maybe it's entirely because [demographic] aspect I prefer to fixate on, and not at all due to [other aspects] I don't like to factor in. Maybe cuz it's always one or the other and all in the way I want, and none in the ways I do not want. Can't have any complexities in the model, nope. >the world isn't toxic >a spike in mutational load over the last 100 years is the sole problem >take your drugs ur genes r broke Would'ja lookit that, muh one single simple cause for everything thinking again. Here, there, everywhere. hmm! Yeah okay bud. Good luck with all that.

>>58567 Writing up on my childhood now. Bear with me, might take a little while. >>58573 You are a SCHIZO and SCHIZOS aren't even 1% of the way capable of extracting the world and interpreting it for what is. Your own mind that you've gotten to know so well through these years is defective and isn't capable of actual thought or reason-- the world discards your thoughts, and you should as well. Anyway, make another thread and link it here if you wish, not interested in any more off-topic nonsense.

>>58574 Trust the Science.

>>58572 >>58573 maybe you both just have pet issues. These both seem like plausible factors. Perhaps we can think of some questions to investigate further if we actually care. OP: people use the term autism inconsistently, I don't think you should put too much weight on it. If you're on this site you most likely fit into the broader definitions of autism just like that. Its kinda meaningless that way. Do you think finding an term to call yourself, if that's what you're looking for, is actually going to help you ? Do many of the people you've encountered who've been officially labled autistic seem helped by their 'finding out what the hell is wrong with [them]' ? These diagnostic terms are mostly of interest to people trying to study human behavior. A lot of them aren't that good at it, though some are sincere in their desires to help. I think you're better off just trying to fix your problems. Labelling them is a needless step. Its like polishing your boots real nice right before marching into a deep and muddy bog.

>>58567 My older brother was your typical overly-concerned with status prick and was a major Machiavellian who felt his end justifies the means at the expense of everyone else. I could go on and on about how he was a super boastful, had superficial charm, was a lying, flattering, manipulating, power at the expense of all else, subhuman moral failure piece of garbage he was, but what is most relevant is how much is he straight up stifled and oppressed me. I always felt locked down to the house because I didn't have a driver's license until 18 and because my dad was hyperalert to noises and would bounce up on a noise, and because my older brother always spied on me and pried into everything I'd do. I'd have to tiptoe downstairs for a water and a snack from the kitchen or to go on for a walk because he'd recognize my footsteps and would arise from the basement and come onto my tail every. single. time. It was so oppressive and miserable, I just confined myself to my room even more so than I otherwise would've because I'm one of those types. I tried every trick in the book, including intimidation and violence, and he wouldn't leave me the fuarrrk alone. He would text my friends for dirt on me, would eavesdrop our conversations. For a year and half while I was 16-17 I developed chronic pelvic pain from the unrelenting tension, I mean I couldn't even go to the bathroom without him startling me or knocking or the threat of him recording under the door or something. That plus the sedentary lifestyle and excessive masturbation that occurred as a result of being contained to my room. The pelvic pain was so miserable I seriously stopped wanting to live on multiple occasions. I don't know other than that my dad was seriously at the mercy of my mom, and she became extremely manipulative and nasty at times. Once, I didn't go to an overnight event when I was in middle school and my mom had planned and on top of the usual threatening to leave or spewing nasty relationship unmaking words or threatening to take everything if we didn't listen, she said she didn't love me one time I believe and on another occasion "I didn't even want to have you, your father insisted on it" and "I wish you were never born". She was a bit selfish like my brother but also incessantly insinuating and scapegoating. I mean, nothing she said was as said but always had some hateful or manipulating subtext and a snarky tone. I feel like I'm not even half way done but after doting on all of this and getting it all out on text I'm strongly considering cutting myself which I was never the type to do and always the type to find nuts. I'm reasonable and relatively mental stable most of the time, but I'm gonna do it because I don't care anymore, I'm not even a human. Girls loved the way I looked in school, and yet I took not a single on up on their offer and left high school without kissing a girl. I don't have friends anymore, which well not that I did in the first place, I just had people to accompany me and to laugh with because well the crux of the thread: I can't connect with people because I'm a fuarrrking alien. I'm not even sure if I covered even an eighth of the information that you would need, but I can't think straight, so whatever. Try to pick up something from this jumbled mess of a meltdown.

>>58559 >I tick quite a few boxes on the autism diagnostic sheet like inability to make eye contact, sensory issues, but the thing is, I'm a very empathetic person and the opposite of blind to social nuance. Autism is being mind-blind or blind to external signals of the mind, which isn't me at all. A lot of people hit many of the autism checkbooks, but determining if you're autistic means looking at how intensely and consistently the traits apply to you and ruling out other explanations. People self-diagnose incorrectly as autistic a lot because they fail to do this. You know what also explains avoiding eye contact, sensory issues, inability to connect with others, and worrying about self-diagnosis of autism? Anxiety disorders. Or perhaps there is no mental illness at all and you just need more socialization or people who you can form genuine connections with in your life. But if you really want a label for what's wrong with you, you'll need to see someone qualified to give it. >>58577 It sounds like your family is soykaf, so maybe that's why you don't feel a connection with them. Why do you think you're an alien? And why do you think you're more of an alien than most people? We've all had weird, broken parts in us at some point or another. Cutting yourself isn't going to help. If anything, it will make you feel more isolated and alien in the end. You'll end up looking at the cuts and thinking "normal people don't do this, I have to hide this," and possibly hiding your self away. Nobody ever has their self esteem raised by cutting themselves.

>>58559 Just informing everyone that the spam filter blocks a particular word that might get used in this thread: The prefix from "psychology" + "analyse"

>>58579 psycho anal!?!?! l-lewd

>>58559 Dont know why you make this complicated, have a conversation and let the other normal person point out your mistakes. Should take 15min max to figure out your specifics if you really have any glaring flaws.

>>58562 >>58566 >lifelong exposure to wireless devices. This is actually possible. Read Cross Currents by Robert O. Becker.

>>58584 dont know about lifelong exposure but years ago i read a piece about brain development in kids being possible hampered when they started putting wlan everywhere in schools. I think the reason mentioned was research showed it messes with Ca2+ ion channels in the brain. Was just thinking thank god im already out of childhood so most vulnerable years are over.

>>58574 Sorry bud but writing schizo all caps to shut down the opponent is not making you look better. At least he tried to prove his point and has the ground to stand for, you got nothing to counter it and think you are the one who's the winner here because you're on the "right side" of history. There is logic and bits of truth in his words, you in comparison only act out of defense to dismiss whatever he says because your "safe world" model has been threatened. If he was really just a schizo you would ignore him because there's no point to argue with an insane, yet here we are.

>>58586 That was by a pediatric neurologist working at Mass General (prestigious hospital), and even the AAP has issues warnings. I included both of these in the mediafire. Martha Herbert, PhD. Pediatric neurology, Mass. General. https://ecfsapi.fcc.gov/file/7520940748.pdf http://www.marthaherbert.org/library/Herbert-Sage-2013-Autism-EMF-PlausibilityPathophysiologicalLink-Part11.pdf http://www.marthaherbert.org/library/Herbert-Sage-2013-Autism-EMF-PlausibilityPathophysiologicalLink-Part2.pdf Harvard Pediatric Neurologist on Electromagnetic Radiation, Autism and Brain Development May 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiybO08af58

>>58607 >That was by a pediatric neurologist working at Mass General (probably) If it's a different paper I'd be interested if you remembered where you read it.

>>58607 Woops. https://web.archive.org/web/20191121063021/https://ecfsapi.fcc.gov/file/7520940748.pdf

Why are there people so fixated on off-the-wall causes for all the ills of society and why is it always Americans?

>>58613 Why do people who don't want to engage with the notion of full spectrum dominance always immediately deflect by vaguely asserting it's only they who are intelligent, rational, and grounded, and looking at the "real issues"? What, do you actually think you're a superset of everyone else and thinking thoughts they've never had? It's just absurd. Narcissistic and childish even, since we're in a thread about OP's cluster B fuarrrkup masquerading as a family. Here, I'll help you. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Full-spectrum_dominance Yes, these terms have meaning. Full spectrum dominance is not an organizational possibility, it is an inevitability. Anything which refuses to enage in it will be wiped away by those who will. So too of man collectively and all other realms of life.

>>58559 Autistic people have pretty good empathy, they just show it in a different manner, and so are perceived as lacking it. In truth, trying to label yourself is a fruitless endeavor as mental illness is not caused by a specific virus, but rather by a vast sum of genetic alterations. The labels are based off of clusters of these alterations that lead to roughly similar results, but very few people fall right in the center and fit the definitions perfectly. Instead, just accept yourself for who you are, see others who have suffered similar woes, and learn from them. If people with certain labels are very similar to you, then they can serve as a great source of info, but never let a label define you.

>>58617 How can I know you're not part of the full-spectrum dominance doctrine operating in the cyberspace?

>>58559 I feel like that too, but i don't consider myself an autist. And it doesn't just stop at my closest acquitances. I also feel like an outsider in the internet, not being able to connect fully, or enough to be comfortable, in any community, hobby group, autist hive, whatever. It's just like...i'm just there, to witness. It feels like...i've had some moments of really intense apropiation for my family, or some girl i really liked a month ago...but that's it. The pandemic just made this soykaf even worse and fried my brain further

>>58623 honestly sounds like the people who divorce because the initial marriage high wears off and as normalcy returns they think its over i dont feel anything special anymore. Why are you looking for issues? Just consider if you accomplish what you joined for in first place.

>>58620 You're arguing from what I call the "default reality". You have this internal set of ideas which you use as axioms. Whenever anything conflicting comes in you think to yourself "why should I trust you, when I already have something I trust?" The "default reality" is treated as a magical freebie, it just has to be asserted as something someone else has to be fight, never defended or questioned for yourself.

>>58624 Dunno why you focused in the romantic relationship in particular, anon. I said that i feel like i can't truly blend in anywhere, or with anyone, neither IRL or Online. Of course you can still achieve some sort of assimilation or emotional bond or something, but there's always some eerie disconnection, to put it in some way, that makes me feel like an outsider.

>>58559 how long have you been posting online and what would you talk about?

>>58656 its was just supposed to be a widely known example to extrapolate from, disregard the romance part, the essence is these people expect something different to their actually normal feelings. The only issue they have is false expectation of what should be. They arent doing bad but simply have false expectations that get betrayed by reality. In other words by what metric do you determine you don't belong in a group? What do you expect that is missing? Because what i was suggesting is that maybe you are actually doing well and merely hoard false expectations of how things should be.

Personally I think this is normal, I still struggle to read some thing as I have autism & adhd. But it doesn't interfere with many things. I think you might just be a recluse like most of everyone.

Yeah I[m a bit like that too, what's the problem? Why see it as something being "wrong"? Who convinced you of that?

>>58672 Wait till you get closer to 30.

>>58559 You sound a lot like me. Do you have close friends that you speak to face to face on a regular basis?

>>58674 Is 31 close enough? Thank you for making assumptions about me though, that's lovely as always.

>>58687 Yeah, I guess there are other important factors.

You likely are just feeling the effects of our society being divided into pseudo tribalism. I don't think you have autism if you are able to understand social ques. We aren't really meant to be hyper individual like this and we are feeling the effects of it. All the other theories are probably correct on some level but I think we are overlooking this simple fact that we are meant to be social on some level and we just simply do not have anything to trust anymore. We all try to cope with it but the sense of danger will forever linger as we are all panicked on some level.

>>58559 OP, there's probably nothing wrong with you, i'm similar on the inability to ignore social nuances. the truth is that society is mostly rotten to the core, the apex predator has turned himself into a ignorant and weak imitation of what it used to be; at least that applies to most people nowadays. I can't connect with people, just as you, because i'm constantly noticing all the fallacies in normal people social interactions. I met one guy online that was just like me and we became best friends, those were one of the best years of my life by far, we basically spent all the day working on our crafts and stopping only to update each other on how we were progressing to reach our personal goals. It's very hard to find people that sees trough society fallacies; in my opinion you should never numb that awareness, never forget that becoming a part of the herd is condemning your future to a destiny much worse than the isolation you're experiencing

>>58559 Probably some form of cPTSD.

>>58795 That just seems like some sort of depression + misanthropy, really. Having narratives in your head about humanity or society is never useful or realistic. “People are good/bad,” “people think this/that,” “society is healthy/degenerate.” When you see things in black and white like that, when you project your depressive worldview onto others, it's hard to find the good in people you could otherwise connect with. You have be positive and let things slide in order to get friends.

>>58812 >You have be positive and let things slide in order to get friends. being that way got me tons of friends from different social circles (school/uni/etc) but the moment i wanted to have a meaningful convo, or do something else than going to drink alcohol with them, it always turned into an awkward silence from them. this got even worse when i stopped drinking alcohol some years ago. the problem i see with what i mentioned above is that most people only try to connect over meaningless things, and they kinda freeze in a flight response the moment someone tries to put something tangible over the table. >depression that may be a bit true, given that i come from an abusive family and my attempts to escape their claws so far have been mostly unsuccessful >misanthropy & you see things in black and white i'm not completely sure about that, I know there are all sorts of people out there, it just turns out that 99% of them don't fit in the profile of people i want to have as friends. "you become who you hang with", after all, and i can say it's true based on past friendships. unrelated to the discussion a bit, but i'm a person that likes to know people a bit before judging them, at least when it comes to people i met irl; because for me, appearance never defines a person, so i always ignore the looks of people when interacting with them.

>>58865 I had a similar situation in regards to the whole shallow acquaintances thing. I discovered that being chill and letting things slide was great and all for getting acquaintances who tolerate you, but all of the true and long term friends came from the most socially awkward bunches I knew. Many of the people who seek deeper social connections end up giving up after seeing the average relationship and so fail to try to develop social skills. Nerdier clubs are a good way of getting to meet some of these people, but connecting with people you know IRL who are on the same online platforms is also a great idea since it allows you to talk to them more personally in isolation from pressures they may feel while in larger social settings. Just keep going, and one day you will almost certainly stumble across someone with similar interests and morals, even if it takes years.