How to cope with being alone

In short, being alone and having almost no one to talk to that you really want to talk to is getting unbearable. I hate social media, I'm getting extremely sick and tired of imageboards and other forms of internet communication, and it's too late for me to make real friends (not a kid or teen anymore). So the only real choice I have is finding way to make my isolation somewhat "bearable" without losing my sanity (like I've seen countless other people do online), so that I don't lose touch with reality and still retain my "soul" as it were. I hear that some people just repress it all down and bottle it up, but it doesn't take a genius to see how unhealthy that is both in the long and short run, so I'm hoping to see solutions more constructive than that.

Intentionally isolating yourself more wont make you feel better. What I have been doing lately is interacting with people in a meaningful way but without really forming a personal relationship. Basically just trying to help people in general. It's still lonely but it doesn't feel totally alone because I become idolized at a distance. I suppose the other way to get same is do something to get a fanbase in something so you essentially have people constantly praising you. Either way you are acomplishing something social and at any time you can turn it into something more personal if you want or just keep distance.

>>58026 I'm isolated by my sheer passivity to take any action and it has not been unbearable for the past three years of uni. I'm probably still hurt in ways that I don't notice at this point...

>>58026 play vrchat maybe?

Grow some plants, that will take you mind off things and give you something to that you can look forward to in life. Also drugs being the most obvious other route, but its a hastle i dont really recommend. Maybe go on a vision quest(doesnt have to involve drugs) or some other adventure that will take you out of baseline. Those are not too great ways, but they sorta work for me.

If i wanted some talking practice i would just hop on some mmo or any other team-based online game. Hobbies work IRL same way, you can play tabletop games or whatever else with strangers as the game provides the common ground. If you're in uni you could just go outside and join people playing sports. Here you just go to the sports stadium and see who is there, join a team and play, easy. If youre too shy for that just join a club at official entry day.

If you're unhappy because of the lack of contact with real humans, the simple solution is to go out so that you come in contact with people. While I can suggest a heap of things when you can meet people, I think it's better that I ask you if you have anything you want to do that involves the presence of other people.

2 cents, improv class in your region for beginners! Get outta that shell!

>>58026 Talk to strangers, if you don't feel like being yourself, invent yourself as a character. Maybe use a different name. Most people you might only see once in your life anyway, so nothing personal. I meet dozens of new people on a daily basis, just remember that the relations that you form are never permanent. >>58036 Vison quest isn't a bad idea, but no drugs are needed. Just go for a long walk by yourself with no stimuli except the world around you. It will trigger introspection or you will meet new people. Also no harm in talking to homeless people. Just go up to them and ask them if they ever feel lonely or how their day is going. Don't let them scam you, and don't tell them too much about yourself, see creating a persona. Just be there to listen to people.

>>58064 >Just go for a long walk by yourself with no stimuli except the world around you Not OP, i just want to add i've heard doing this really helps with the introspection and also with interoception; it happens because of your eyes perceiving the movement forward. I remember hearing about that on a podcast of Andrew Huberman (he always add sources to whatever he says). ############ To be honest i'm on a similar spot to OP; i don't wanna be alone: I have one or two "friends" but our conversations are so void of meaning (meaningless?) that i end up feeling bad usually: one only cares about whatever new thing happens in his online card game (i like those but not to the point of talking about that all day every day), the other one only cares about breaking the record of being the person in my city that parties the most. I would like to meet people with a passion but i know i can't find those because they're busy in their grinding .

>>58026 go to class or tutor if your really need to go therapy

>>58077 >Not OP, i just want to add i've heard doing this really helps with the introspection and also with interoception You should definitely try it. Your mind does not stop being busy, but it becomes busy with things other than your technology, music, or tasks like driving. to be honest I am baffled by how many people have "heard of" but never actually taken a walk. Do people really? >it happens because of your eyes perceiving the movement forward. No, it happens because you are being stimulated by the world around you, and your mind has time to contemplate that stimuli instead of contemplating the wired or sportsball/memes. The best way to describe it is mindfullness meditation, but instead of sitting in a room contemplating the world, you actually experience it, and then make sense of the experience with your mind. It also gives you ample time to use your imagination and let your mind "wander" because you are not preoccupied. >I would like to meet people with a passion but i know i can't find those because they're busy in their grinding . Why don't you, instead of trying to imitate people to find a place you belong, find something YOU want or like, and then find people with a shared interest. It sounds like this is your main problem. As the saying goes, focus on you first. If you don't know what you want, how can you possibly expect to associate and bond with people who know what they want. You will always be a stranger unless you know who you are. I bet you are a <25y/o male too Present Day, Present Time! AHAHAHAHAHA! being 25+ actually really makes a difference

>>58026 I was in a similar position until my child was born. I don't have any friends and don't even get along with the mother of my child. She allows me to live with her to take care of our child and that's it. I have my own room that I have all of my stuff in and that's my life.

>>58112 I guess i didn't gave enough context on my comment, because you're saying assuming some things about me that i'm not mentioning at all in my comment (it can also be the fact that english is not my main language so i may say things in a way that can be interpreted differently from what i'm trying to say). But i also didn't gave enought context because the times i've done it, my comment turns into a textwall and is completely ignored. >to be honest I am baffled by how many people have "heard of" but never actually taken a walk. Do people really? i walk daily to university, so it's like an hour per day. i also go to run for a while at a park whenever i can. >and your mind has time to contemplate that stimuli instead of contemplating the wired or sportsball/memes. You're saying it as if the only thing that i do trought the day is being connected to the wired. this is not the case for me. even more, i have set things up on my workstation in a way that makes me not depend so much on a reliable internet connection.i could technically work without a problem both with and without access to the wired. Another thing, i recognize that a computer is nothing but a tool, and there's a lot of enjoyable things that don't require a computer. In fact a lot of my hobbies don't require to be looking at a screen at all. >Why don't you, instead of trying to imitate people to find a place you belong, find something YOU want or like, and then find people with a shared interest. Again, i know exactly what i enjoy doing, what i want from life, and the type of people i wanna meet. I know what kind of work i enjoy doing and about what kind of things i like to learn more about, but i don't find anyone else irl with similar interest. >As the saying goes, focus on you first. I've done this for years and thanks to that i know who i am, where i'm in life, and where i want to be in life. > I bet you are a <25y/o male too Have you ever met assholes, ignorants or manchilds that are 25+ years? there's plenty out there. Age is not a good indicator for mental maturity. I've met people way, way younger than me that i can consider more mature than anyone my age.

many of the things that made me feel alone at least also couldnt in the end be fixed by others. i learnt this by going out, making friends and being in relationships of which only 3 have lasted I think. I would primarily reccomend getting rid of this idea you cant make new relationships cause your x age. I didnt have any friends prior to like 18-19. That being said feeling alone I think can weirdly make making new friends difficult and perhaps its why even in part you have this kind of defeatist "il never have relationships now" attitude. Its why I used to and why later I entered a lot of bad relationships or had falling outs with people. One big thing that led to me not feeling alone (in a weird big cascade effect) was that other people cant make me feel safe. Maybe they can in moments, but if in the moments away im just awaiting their comfort overall im damaging myself and further I can not provide for myself or anyone else in that state. You might think because you are in isolation this is useless advice as you have no one to try to find safety in, but a lack of having someone doesnt mean your brain isnt trying to find that escape. And when my brain tries to do that, thats what makes me lonely. I think most of us have this and I think its leftover from being a child, thats when feeling alone is the most beneficial cause a child does need to stay close to a parent for safety. We eventually have to outgrow it though and I personally think it actually takes some effort. Things at first got a lot more lonely when I realized no one could make me not feel alone, that theres no one but me I can "always rely on" to ensure im safe, ensure im taken care of. Responsibilities got a lot bigger, i had to quit many substances and bad habits I engaged with that only made sense if I believed id randomly be saved or something. That wasnt a conscious thought I ever had, that someone would save me (at this point at least), but I realized I believed that in some vague all encompassing way. I think many people have this whether they are all alone or not, theres a weird background belief or dreg (again I think from childhood) that something other than ourselves will take control of our life eventually. Its crazy how many big parts of our lives can be tied to that. Following that most people (or I do at least) avoid things that are going to be a big effort, especially when its stuff happening in the backgrounds of our minds. Loneliness is like kicking dead whales down the beach but continuing in loneliness was easier for me I realized as it meant the answer to my problems still lied in other people, and so I didnt have to change anything. Changing everything was much harder but once I became consciously aware of all this of course its a bit easier to put in the effort. I never really understood for a long time what people meant by "self love" but through all this ive come to understand that I simply must be my biggest friend and supporter. I thought it was some egotistical thing but now I see its a love out of necessity. My "love" of myself developed in tandem with me trying to get away from feeling "lonely", certain things that were now my responsibility because I realized I only had myself necessitated I also trust and support myself to varying degrees. In spite of all this I still would place people as one of my highest interests, and I enjoy peoples company. Its just now people are the spice of life and not something I need or I will feel lonely. I highly reccomend people. I understand though that for many, even though it seems counterintuitive, feeling lonely often is the easier thing to fix first and what can lead to breaking out of isolation. Or maybe you just want to choose to live your life alone. My TL:DR point is yes I think you can learn to not feel alone in isolation and the above was my thought processes that led me to now not feel alone when I am actually alone.

>>58165 I forgot to mention one axiom I guess I had before I got into the thoughts that led me to not feeling lonely was that living was good, or right. when I said I didnt really have any self love before I did have that and I guess maybe thats the most important place to start. However you decide to I think you have to decide you want yoursf to live and accept that as absolute fact. Otherwise the rest of what I said doesnt really apply I think.

>>58026 I think that going outside for walks and reading philosophy helps.

>>58165 >>58166 Very interesting post. I came to a similar conclusion after years of feeling lonely even surrounded by friends. I also thing that loving yourself, taking care of your health and trying to be the best possible version is to truly love yourself and also the key to improve your relationships with others. If I was true to the vision of the man I'd like to be, I wouldn't have to go through enormous efforts trying to improve my relationships with others, they would flow naturally. >>58026 >>58137 If you know exactly what you want from life and the people you want to be associated to, I'd say do an effort to find that people that share your interests. It's 2022 and you have access to a computer, it should be easy.

>>58137 I find it very frustrating that someone jpeg'd this blatantly 8-bit image. I started trying to repair it but didn't feel like taking the time. In the best case it's as easy as building and applying a color index where most of the colors are close enough that they'll be pushed into where they should be, but this is not one such case. Very annoying. I remember people got sick of hearing me talk about jpegs and optimizing pngs, some guy posts this Streets of Rage based 2560x1600 jpg, like 2.5mb. I do a few small tweaks, recompress, get it down to 4 bpp, quality is improved, and the output? 7Kb iirc, something ridiculous like that. Something ridiculous like that. They were all long runs of solid color. Sigh.

>>58549 >Streets of Rage based My brain apparently wrote "based" instead of "wallpaper".

>>58549 >I remember people got sick of hearing me talk about jpegs and optimizing pngs got ya buddy, the few people i talk with irl get sick instantaneously of me talking about server-side software architecture design/ programming :(

>>58112 > focus on you first is definitely one of the most valuable sayings, for me atleast. like >>58137 said, it really allows you to know yourself and your position in your life, as well as in your world. Without taking this too personally, I think that not focusing on myself enough throughout my years of life is what put me in a position that I really dislike, which is not having a passion to put above anything else, rather experimenting many things as I go, seeking the one that gives me utmost pleasure and drive to do for the rest of my days - in other words, "jack of all trades, master of none". Someone who puts their own self first should be able to find their place and duty, and take it to their end. This is where success comes from I believe, and the area of expertise is entirely up to the person in question. Going back to "my case", I haven't found that yet, and I'm afraid that I never will, rendering my life and my existance ultimately useless and sporadic - a life to not remember. Sorry for the spill, but this whole idea that I have of myself has been kidnapping too much of my time and mental resources, and I've found on this thread a good chance to let it out a little bit, while hopefully making some sense to the reader as well as to myself as I type. Growing up is definitely hard and I've never really took that saying seriously until the mid 20's started creeping up on me. For reference, I'm 21 right now, and turning 22 really sounds terrible in my mind, as I feel like I'm a very incomplete 21 year old, growing to become a very incomplete 22 year old - however, with all the bitching aside, I know that this is a situation I've put myself into, for wanting to be perceived as something that does not correspond to who I am - I've rarely put myself first, but rather some idea of what I'd like to become, while never really attaining it. Realizing that I've led a futile existance is what really made me realize that I'm an adult, and it is like kicking dead whales down the beach. I take it that if you're reading this on this board then you should be around the same age as myself, or similar. I do not wish to produce on you a negative train of thought on your life, for I am sharing what I think and correlating it to some random saying - and probably giving it too much meaning. But i actually believe it, given the people I know who've led their existances to brilliant ones, on the good or the bad side of history, for brilliance doesn't know evil, it's a marker of great quality in what you do, I guess. Maybe what I'm trying to say is that i envy some of my friends' brilliance, while praising them for their ultimate drive, while kicking myself in the nuts for not guiding myself to where I want - for not knowing what that really is - and always putting an inflated version of my ego on the spotlight. That has brought me failure after failure, as well as an underdeveloped personality that glooms on loneliness. I've noticed that sane people with a purpose actually use their loneliness for growth, by cultivating their selves or even honing their own skills, for example. I don't believe, however, that this is the end, unless I really want to, and this is a notion that everyone on their bad days should have. Giving up is an option that will be available on every single riddle you have throughout life, or so I've come to believe, with suicide being the ultimate expression of such choice. Glamorization of this is, to me, a sign of either extreme immaturity or genuine and proven disappointment towards life. I am quick to validate the latter motive, but someone with a brighter view on these things could still flush it down the toilet. Each one to their own, I guess.

>>58165 It's so strange; I feel like I could have written this. Yet, you've truly threaded the message into words in a way that made a whole lot clear for me. Thank you. I really relate to what you've said about operating through life with the implicit belief somewhere tacit in the back of one's mind that someone or something is eventually going to intervene. This obviously ties in with the residue from childhood in the form of a kind of craving for safety (or, the ideal of safety) which is bound up with other people as objects. I agree that it does take real effort to "grow out of", and I think if most people were being honest with themselves, they'd find that they agree with these deep-seated biases about the world. I think a tragic number of people go through life without quite acknowledging there's no re-runs. Maybe I'm one of them. And yeah, all of that is preconditioned on the fact of affirming for oneself with absolute certainty that life is worth living.

I actually wanted to make a thread about trying to find mental health solutions for OPSEC-oriented people then I saw your thread. OP... me having the depression thing makes it so worse when I realize there is not going to be anyone who'll come rescue me from this. At least I get what you're saying. I get the feeling. I open blank tabs all the time thinking "how could I possibly start a chat with someone?" then realize I don't know so I close the tab and go back to refreshing my subscriptions tab to try to take my mind off it and bottle it up inside I guess. It's such a fuarrrked up place to be like us inside. Plus personally I'm also at the yearning for aliven't kinda stage. It all is like kicking dead whales down the beach. It's tough for me to imagine being rescued from this hole. And also no one understands, how can you even put it all into words anyways.

>>59611 Well lain, its important that you know that there is never anyone who will rescue you (even if someone combated parts of your depression for you, it would probably not change your attitude). The idea of therapy is mostly a meme because of the corporate nature of medical science. If you want, you can almost confidentially get medicated through telemedicine, talk to a doctor and have medicine shipped to your house, but that will not solve you problems. Depression is largely just an attitude. While it is hard to say it that way because of the impact that the condition has on life, it can be overcome. If you want good self help, research cognitive behavioral therapy, and try to find the root cause of your problems instead of just thinking of them as a nebulous feeling hanging over your. One of the benefits of therapy is that people can talk to another human about their problems. There is even research to suggest that chatbots (or at least therapists pretending to be chatbots) encourage honesty because people don't want to be judged for their problems and the stigma of therapists goes away when people think they are talking to a computer. Many people are not good listeners, and in a way that's why threads like the let it all out thread have been so successful for years. The best advice I would have for someone facing depression is change your life. It does not have to be big. Take a different route home from the store, buy different food than you normally do. Change small aspects of your life NOW, not later, and it will push you into making larger and larger changes. The beauty of the internet is that you can be anyone. I could be the president of Somalia, or I could be a homeless man from Detroit. For all you know, I could be a chatbot program installed in some lains sex doll. You don't have to open blank tabs, because you are already chatting with someones from all around the world. Here are some books on combat that talk about having a clear mind and how you can fight dark thoughts by meditation and prayer- but you don't need to become excessively religious, or even follow the same faith for the meaning of these books to still be important.

>>59618 >Depression is largely just an attitude >One of the benefits of therapy is that people can talk to another human about their problems I think you might be trolling. This is why I don't talk about it because the advice that comes your way is usually at that level of quality. It only passes the time at least, but you made me feel lonelier though, a strange deal.

>>59621 I am sorry lain, I did not mean to make you feel lonelier. The reason most help amounts to"just deal with it" is because you are the only one who can make you undepressed. In theory, antidepressants are supposed to be used to give you the motivation to find ways to deal with depression, but usually it just turns into a drug addiction. Depression and being alone are also very different feelings expressed in different parts of the world. Some cultures feel it as physical pain. If you want to talk, maybe try to contact lains in one of the other threads.

>>59611 Create some sort of account somewhere, whether it be email, tox, whatever, and post it here.

# The mumble server is lainchan.org : default port https://lainchan.org/irc.html ?

>>58026 Jesus and others travelled far and wide. I sit inside staring at the shadows all day, shifting between sleep, eating, browsing reddit, dailymail, news.ycombinator, and porn. when I was young there was d&d, mock battles in the woods, parties, drives, books & discussions for hours. now i watch the light dance across the walls for hours, rolling over or stretching when my ass becomes sore. everyone is busy, absorbed. for some reason, we fell between the cracks; alone, staring through the looking glass/computer at warp-life

>>58026 to elaborate further, i think that when you get older, it's not cute anymore, unless you're just gushing-over with pure utility, to the point that the people around you are kept at bay by the powers that be because you're enabling them to execute ten-fold amount of people more effeciently. for the rest of us who stubbornly hold on to our childhood innocence, niavete, life becomes a chore.

>>59611 >"how could I possibly start a chat with someone?" I'm not about to tell you anything you don't already know, but for me sometimes it helps to hear those things anyway instead of getting them from the unreliable morass of private thought. I'm also not making any assumptions about why you feel this way, so this doubles as an overview of the reasons I've felt this way, I guess. It's perfectly fine to start a conversation without knowing where it's meant to go, or without even really having a point in the first place. None of it needs to have any particular reason or goal, and people are not judging you by the quality of your justification for contacting them. You can talk at someone if you feel like it and the fact that you aren't getting fully engaged responses on the same level doesn't mean you need to stop or even that your words aren't appreciated. It is also cool and effective to ask directly about such things if the question comes to your mind. Talking (or listening) to you doesn't present any kind of burden or chore to the people you know or they wouldn't -- but as you must know, the question of being a burden to anyone in this way is a useless one, to be banished from your mind. This is what they call a "Them Problem" as in not a "You Problem" -- and if it really is a Problem for Them, then You will likely be informed anyway. Are you going to be wrong, say something stupid, write a paragraph and realize you don't actually have a point, be a weirdo? Do it on purpose if this is what's in mind and get it out of the way, make an assertion and google it after the fact to check and then redact openly, post the paragraph anyway and remark at the end how you have realized it didn't go where it seemed like it was going to, do the weird and own it, make the joke, nobody is making forever-memories of strong correlations of your identity with very specific and very awkward-out-of-context-or-in-the-wrong-light statements you may have made Does this forum talk about overthinking? That is a thing that exists, just so you know; it is not, in fact, a small kind of death or fundamental surrender to stop analyzing for a minute. Don't be salty, take it from a serial overthinker, O.G. analysis paralysist Just do it, it'll be fine Why? What's to be gained? Where's the util-- You just do it and that is what's to be gained, it justifies and fulfills itself and it leads to absolutely nowhere and nothing productive, and that per se is all that is needed

>>60335 gurls smell so good blargh first contact shiny chainz mexico bloc chain dollar vigilante crowhouse so many hoes yo

Don't cope. Realize that everyone is alone on some level. Egos, desires and emotions clash all the time, even between friends, lovers, family members, within any kind of community. Every man exists in his own little world at the end of the day. No matter how well you think you know someone, you don't know him fully. You think he is close to you but he is galaxies away in reality. Learn to turn your weakness and vice into strength and virtue. You are your own best friend and you can only trust yourself 100%. You don't lose anything significant by being alone. If anything, you can gain things. Gain endurance, introspection, honesty. Once you arrive at this conclusion, you will be fine. You don't need anyone.

>>60335 Hey lain. You're pretty cool