personal issues

does anyone else have issues relating to how they view themselves or how they think and act? My whole life I've struggled to view myself positively. I never learned to love myself and I don't know how. As a result I hate compliments, turn down good opportunities, act brusque and cold when dealing with others lest they act positively towards me, and have a deep fear of intimacy. I don't know how to fix this and to be honest I don't think I can. Every few months I feel like I have made some progress only for it to disappear over the next few months. At this point it feels almost comforting to just keep going with my mediocre life decisions rather than try to do something about it. Anyone else have the same issue?

I have a negative view of myself, and I too hate receiving compliments, but I don't usually actively make bad decisions because of it. Sometimes I'll engage in self-destructive behavior, but very infrequently. I have let good opportunities by without acting because I've felt I wasn't good enough for them. I struggle with an idea that I'm supposed to be a piece of soykaf and do not deserve to be anything more than a piece of soykaf since I was a kid. I don't treat others coldly because of it though. In fact, it's partly because I hate myself that I'm nice to others. I can't make myself feel happy and not want to die, but at least I can make others feel happy.

I more or less had intimacy thrust upon me, and it felt so good, I want to have that back. Lo and behold, it becomes easier day by day to keep a positive outlook, talk with others, introduce myself, et cetera.

When someone complimented me i always shrugged it off or thought they were fuarrrking with me. Nowdays i care little and just let life slide on. The "tfwnogf" wont go away, even if i found one i dont think i will be able to trust a girl, not to mention react properly.

>>5719 >does anyone else have issues relating to how they view themselves or how they think and act? I have pretty much the same issues I have to work on taking and accepting good opportunities when they come and just overall being more friendly to people. I never have any issues with compliments, since the people who give them mean well. Just know that when people give compliments, they mean well. >Every few months I feel like I have made some progress only for it to disappear over the next few months. It's hard to change and progress means nothing since we've been trained like Pavlov's dog on these asocial behaviors, and just one autopilot to these behaviors can undo everything. I guess when everything fails... there's always lainchan to vent to...

>>5720 I am VERY similar to you in that sense >I have let good opportunities by without acting because I've felt I wasn't good enough for them. This one hurts the most; I have let a few really good opportunities pass for the same reason as you, only later to find that I could have actually managed them, and I end up eating myself up over not taking the opportunity. I don't have many friends, but I have 2 friends that I would never let go. I had another friend who left me about 10 years ago. I still think about him often, and feel sad every time. I can't let go of people easily. :(

Oh yeah I know those feelings very well, though I'm getting used to the regret that comes afterwars, assured I wouldn't have a chance anyway. But I can't quite handle reject so I instead turn away from the risk altogether, and I've dealt with enough people already to know it's oftentime the case that I'm just too socially clumsy that I would find it hard to keep the pace of a conversation with a total stranger.

>>5732 Yea for real when you actually experience some intimacy with a real person it'll change everything. Though for me I had to take E to actually realise that.

I'm in somewhat of a weird place with similar feelings. If I was to look at myself in a mirror the only things I can think of is negative things. I think I'm a piece of soykaf, actual garbage. I also get anger related attitudes towards myself. I sometimes want to grab myself by the collar and just shake myself, give myself a few slaps whilst yelling "get your soykaf together you pathetic soykaf". I've never actually cut myself or did any self mutilation but I've slapped myself quite hard a few times. However this doesn't affect my behavior with others much. Worse than that, I somehow consider myself consistantly better than most people I meet. It's a bit like thinking that you are a piece of soykaf but slightly less soykaf than everyone else, who also happen to be pieces of soykaf. I have low self esteem but feelings of superiority basically, I don't know how I ended up this way. >>5732 I know that feeling exactly. For me it comes in waves, I miss that emotional and physical intimacy so I do efforts to appear more positive, meet people, be social. Eventually it leads nowhere and I go back into a loop of negativity until I'm lonely enough to try again.

>does anyone else have issues relating to how they view themselves or how they think and act? I don't view myself as a "good person" per say, but at this point I pretty much think that good and bad are meaningless terms especially when applied to a human. I am neither good nor bad, I simply am. >it feels almost comforting to just keep going with my mediocre life I know this feel well lain. I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done about it, I think it's linked to depression. >Anyone else have the same issue? Yep, sabotaging relationships and stuff out of fear. I have concluded that it's not worth fixing, most people are pretty soykaf it's not worth trying to befriend them, even if I don't like myself at least alone I can distract myself.

OP I think most here have a negative view of themselves, I think most in first world societies do but especially here. Im going to be doing a lot of assuming and some projection here (but its also stuff ive heard from others who grew up on chans). Hating compliments is fairly normal for starters so don't worry about that, however it can be bad. For example when somebody says im attractive I am usually at a loss for words because I disagree so strongly. Your fear of intimacy does come probably from a disgust or fear of yourself, an idea that if they knew who you were deep down or your thoughts they would hate you. As if our thoughts are us! While we can consciously choose to think about things, we dont choose to think thoughts that make us anxious, we dont choose to suddenly get a flash of inspiration, we dont choose to for a second get the idea to kill someone in traffic, the only choose we do is in how we bring these thoughts out of our head. This is a big concept for you to grasp in accepting yourself, not being ashamed ever of a thought. The other thing is you say progress a lot, what is it exactly you are progressing towards? You are progressing towards an idealized version of yourself that only exists, and can only exist in your head. You aren't an image in your head, thats far too simple of a way to view yourself. It seems you've realized this because as you say you keep losing your "progress". The idea to live a mediocre life isn't a bad one except for the word "mediocre". I'm not saying you can't change, but you can't change you. What you can change is your perception, which fundamentally will change you, yet you can't do this with the purpose of trying to "progress" to an idealized version of yourself in your head. The problem is, you feel inadequate and have a low self image of yourself. Your solution is to be less inadquate and improve your image in other peoples eyes im assuming by performing actions that you believe to be productive to this. The solution should be to stop feeling inadequate. When you stop feeling like this, the things you see people do that you view as good will come naturally. This you that you would like to be, is his goal in life to not have a low self image? Does he do things with the purpose of raising his self image? I would doubt it, you are trying to be this better person, yet the intention behind everything you do is to better yourself. This better person does not do things with the intention of bettering himself because he is already fine, he does things for reasons you can not understand because he is a thoughtform. Yet even if you took a real person you idolized, you still wouldn't be able to understand as everyone is different with unique motives. Do you see the issue? Your first step in self acceptance should be to not worry if you accept yourself, yet also not punish yourself for negative thoughts about yourself as they exist. But you let them pass, you stop struggling with them, because the struggle itself is what is making you feel down, not the thoughts. If I were to offer you a real tanginle piece of advice it would be stop judging others first and you will naturally judge yourself less. The chans are a hyper judgemental place, people make hundreds of judgements and assumptions off of maybe a sentence of text. I think many of us have this fear that if we don't judge we will become this lesser thing we fear, yet we only fear it because we judge it and see it as lesser. When you see a person spit on the street at a homeless man, deep down I feel its out of fear that they could one day become that. The rational person already knows that person is not them, they don't care. So don't pity other people, and stop trying to get "ahead" of other people. The very nature of bettering yourself implies that there is something you are rising above, people or a way of life some people lead that is "lesser". And yet its obviously so subjective that why does it matter? Live in the way that comes natural to you, don't fear that you will be a lonely neet or something. No matter how you build yourself up when you do it with the intentions of fear your average person will see straight through to the insecurities. Don't call it a mediocre life either, life is life.

>>5829 Complacency?

>>5852 I wouldn't call it complacency, what i'm trying to get across is that the idea that you must somehow do something to become this better you is false. Im not saying one can't change, but one can't truly change by force. Its a common idea on chans (not implying OP is this way but just giving an example) that if they do certain things and check off certain boxes like "having friends" or "having a gf" then they have become more normal and better, as if the "normal" person in their head does any of these things for those purposes. A complete change of perspective is needed, one that will never come while you are endlessly struggling against yourself, which only serves to make one more self fixated and out of touch with the world and people around them.