Am I Just a Freak?

I am seriously worried at this point if I am a freak, and I am just "too freaky" to have friendships with other people. I can't even get along with the people of Lainchan, which has been my primary social platform for over a year now. I am smart, and you would think that it would be a trait of mine that would bring friendships, but I am just "too weird." I am too smart and interesting so people don't bully me or make fun of me, but I am just too weird for people to get close to and actually befriend. The only people who have ever said anything positive to me about my character are older people, people who I cannot befriend. I've never, in my entire life, have ever had a close friend, a close friend who I can have conversations with for hours. I've never had a friend who was able to keep up with what I want to talk about, even if it's relevant to them. Everyone in my daily life, who I've met through school, work, etc, have all distanced themselves from me, for the aforementioned weirdness. We would hang out for a few times, and our relationship would never deepen or anything, and I would just be tossed away, and replaced within a snap. Recently someone from my old school had messaged me randomly, and he told me that he's studying Computer Information Systems, so I brought up Linux, and asked if he would want to study SICP with me, he laughed at me, I was ignored completely and he stopped messaging me. Similar situations to this have happened with almost every single relationship I've ever made, hence my now over one year of solitude. Even when I try to talk with people online, like on Lainchan's IRC, I find that oh, I'm actually too stupid after all, because I have no idea what these people are talking about. The people of Lainchan have also thrown nothing but hate and derision at me when I try to open up about my interests, despite my interests and threads keeping with the themes of the boards. If I were to try to make friends in a lower average-IQ place on the Internet, the issue with me being abandoned suddenly in laughter would occur, but I'm just too stupid for Lainchan. Do I just wait, and grind out these next few years, studying so I can match up to Lainchanners in terms of Computer Science knowledge, and match up with others who have the same cultural and artistic interests that I have? Am I not supposed to have any friends until I've studied hard enough to impress them? I'm just a freak who needs to impress people in order to befriend them, I am a freak with a "weird" personality, who cannot keep friends until I have skills? Am I just someone who lacks a personality? Am I just a freak? I legitimately don't understand why there's no spot for me at all in society, or seemingly within the world, and why everyone leaves me. Lainchan is actually the closest I've ever felt in my life to having a proper peer group, but even then, Lainchan hates me. Someone recently had tried to become my friend, and over the course of a month, I've been called "just too weird," and I've been ignored. But this isn't true, I can't be a freak, right? It just sounds so filthy...

>>55617 First of all, lainchan is primarily a text community. Learn to write in a more interesting way. You're rambling, you're whinning. Its annoying, its a lot to read and its no fun reading it. If you talk like this in person too, then that could be half your problem right there. Its been ages since I was in the IRC so I can't comment on what its like now, but I think a lot of people find it interesting when you do things. Don't have an 'interest'; get a project, and do it. No one worth anything cares about reading SICP, whats cool is if you do something novel, and if a book helps you do it well then it was a good book. also >the only people who have ever said anything positive to me about my character are older people, people who I cannot befriend what do you have against older people

>>55617 The good news is you are probably not anyone of a freak than anyone else on this website, at least. >If I were to try to make friends in a lower average-IQ place on the Internet, the issue with me being abandoned suddenly in laughter would occur, but I'm just too stupid for Lainchan. I think you're thinking too highly of the people on here to start with. A lot of us are just NEET, nobody losers. It's not hard at all to find some very low IQ people here. Some very weird people too. Some people here are just unhinged. Lainchan can be toxic. I can't deny I've at times added to that toxicity. I'm able to deal with it personally because I'm pretty sturdy enough to shift through the soykaf to find interesting conversations. Maybe you're just not in that place yet. That's ok, it's something you can build with time. Try to find a kinder environment to build your confidence. You could be the problem to an extent if you're not a kind person yourself to others and that's putting them off. I find that's true of a lot of people in general, so it's something to consider. It could be that you have some underlying nuerodivergency that causes issues with socialization. It's kind of vague so it really could be anything. >Lainchan hates me. I don't hate you.

>>55617 I don't hate you, Lain. Be patient with people, especially NPCs. You don't need to impress people to make friends, just listen to them and find things that you both enjoy; ask them about their interests even you don't share them, the conversation might lead to something you do both share. I have friends who I have very little in common with, our bond is simply that of trust and continued communication over the years. Keep things light, you don't need to one-up people all the time. The IRC is terrible anyway so don't worry about that.

What makes you weird or too freaky? When it comes to that think "normal being a dot and everything spanning outward being "more freak" spectrum. Is it that you are too weird of a person for other people to connect with, or do they think you have human body parts in your pockets. Also irc is a terrible way to meet people, especially the lainchan one. Try looking on other places too, like matrix or tox, or any one of those new distributed social media. Dont be too pissed of people who ghost you, some just get distracted, or find it akward to talk and have nothing to say, some just are bored of you, then again then there are those poor souls whos fate was to never be heard from since. Maybe you just have to find friends among other weirdos, or you just have some form of subtile communication problem of some sorts, some people do. Relationships are most a game of minesweeper anyhow, some are just timed to blow sooner or later, you just find out one day. Then again also remember the internet is there to get information, not to make friends, those are some you meet along the journey.

it all comes down to are you ugly or pretty i constantly speak how i want to rape little girls , nailbomb people etc. and everyone still tolerates me even more so i have more fanatical following of few girls that love me more cause of it, might be that you are just ugly

> Judging people by IQ > Convinced himself he must be weird, so will be weird > Uses Internet to find friends instead of local communities > Thinks friends are some kind of identical twin that will solve all problems Imagine listening, going down on eye level with everyone and treating others like you would want to be treated?

>>55620 >You're rambling, you're whinning. Yeah, I probably come across as long winded, and barely actually gotten into the "freak" part. After I've lost all my friends, and have had my three last attempts at reconnecting end with being laughed at and/or being called "too weird," I needed to whine a little bit. >No one worth anything cares about reading SICP We're both first year out of high school, and since he was interested in Computer Sciences I invited him to come study the book with me (as it would be nice to do it with someone or in a class), in a kind of book club format, but he laughed at me. The people I've met from school don't care about the same things that I do. >what do you have against older people I've tried becoming friends with them, but there's a great fear that I get when I try to have conversations with them. I just lock up and freeze. It doesn't happen when I speak with people my own age, or around. >>55627 >It's not hard at all to find some very low IQ people here. Like that AnPsi guy who spurts out meaningless soykaf every once and a while? >Lainchan can be toxic. Lainchan, always, has mean replies to give me, or none at all, despite my messages always relating to the theme of the website, and the Lain Anime itself. >if you're not a kind person yourself I've been described as kind by other people, and I actually make a great effort to purposely not be offensive. >>55632 >ask them about their interests even you don't share them I do this, I can socialize fine when I want to (I don't have neurological deficits), but still, I am simply just called "too weird" and thrown away. >>55634 >are too weird of a person for other people to connect with, or do they think you have human body parts in your pockets. I've never met someone at all, even Online, who shares similar interests as me, so when I talk about my interests it's like "what the fuarrrk do I say?" I've also been told that I have an issue with talking too formally, poor eye contact, "feeling like a robot." When I make eye contact, doesn't matter who it is, it feels too sexual, so I have troubles with it. >Maybe you just have to find friends among other weirdos These people are legitimately sick, and overall boring, and they say the same things that others do, with me feeling too robot like to them. >Then again also remember the internet is there to get information, not to make friends, those are some you meet along the journey. I suppose I could look at it this way, but I legitimately have no hope for IRL interaction. I've raised myself via the Internet, going places that no young person should have gone, going on websites like Lainchan that only a few hundred know of, and now I've become too estranged from what's popular, or how people speak outside of lecture halls. >>55635 >i constantly speak how i want to rape little girls , nailbomb people etc. and everyone still tolerates me sure you do, yep, so cool. >might be that you are just ugly I'm not ugly, I'm fit, and I dress nicely. >>55639 You're misrepresenting me. The only Online community I would trust friends from is Lainchan, as it's the only one that's stuck with me so far. I did Nintendo reverse engineering when I was in middle school, but that soykaf is a waste of time now.

>>55635 I do hate you, though, nonce freak.

>I legitimately don't understand why there's no spot for me at all in society, or seemingly within the world It sounds like your expectations of both yourself and others are too high. You don't need to know as much as someone else does about some topic to bond with them over said topic. Bonding doesn't have to be intense either, something like studying SICP isn't something people who aren't students do together. You can just talk about broad subjects and ask about whatever gets mentioned that sounds cool. Also, you do not need friends who have the same interests as you. Some of my favorite friends are ones who have 0 interests in common. That doesn't stop us from joking around, discussing life events, or having fun together. The human condition affects us all. That's enough similarity to bond with most people. >>55620 >First of all, lainchan is primarily a text community. Learn to write in a more interesting way. Seconding this. Use line breaks to separate your paragraphs. A wall of text is no fun to read. >>55647 >Lainchan, always, has mean replies to give me If someone is genuinely being mean to you, report it as a rule 3 violation. The mods here are good about removing trolls and soykafstirrers when they're reported.

>>55647 > I actually make a great effort to purposely not be offensive > The people I've met from school don't care about the same things that I do. > there's a great fear that I get when I try to have conversations with them > when I talk about my interests it's like "what the fuarrrk do I say?" > I've also been told that I have an issue with talking too formally, poor eye contact > When I make eye contact, doesn't matter who it is, it feels too sexual, so I have troubles with it You sound just like a very awkward person. Like the stereotypical autist who really doesnt into socialization. Sadly you're the type that still wants friends and stuff so that is like kicking dead whales down the beach. You seem to think too hard about doing social things right, and don't really have the knack for it. Try watching people for a bit. It will be weird and awkward but thats ok. Go out to a library or a cafe or just a public park and watch people interact, discretley of course. If you can find some social group to attend where you're alright as the quiet guy who attends but doesnt say too much, thats ok too. Or if your family has get togethers, go to those, and just see in general how normal people interact, how they manage eyecontact, how they initiate and conduct conversations, and try and learn from it, and try it out yourself when you can. It will take practice. There's a lot of stuff to it, and obviously you're not going to be perfect from the get go, but I'm not sure there's that much else to say. So maybe you're a freak, but if you fake it hard enough maybe one day you'll make it anyway. Don't have to be a chad just have to be a bit better than you are. Also, try and seek out places with other autists like yourself, who might have similar interests. You say you're into computers, computers might not be as good as maths or physics for high autismic concentrations, but its probably not bad either once you get high enough, and maybe is more suited to you anyway. Unfortunately at the lower levels there's a lot of normal people, but again maths is probably better, and if you actually get to a phd programme in it you might never need to interact with a non autist again.

>>55647 >I've also been told that I have an issue with talking too formally, poor eye contact, "feeling like a robot." You probably just lack personality/social skills lol like fsociety said just lvl up your social skill

>>55617 >I am seriously worried at this point if I am a freak, and I am just "too freaky" to have friendships with other people. I used to think I was weird just like you when I was younger until Internet culture became mainstream and everyone else started to act like spergs as well (especially the younger generation). Trust me, while I still do advise you to work on your social skills, you are not a weirdo in the way you think you are. Everyone is 'weird' in some way. It may actually turn out that you are much more 'sane' than a lot of individuals. >I am too smart and interesting so people don't bully me or make fun of me, but I am just too weird for people to get close to and actually befriend. The only people who have ever said anything positive to me about my character are older people, people who I cannot befriend. While I do not doubt your intelligence, and while you are probably well-meaning, by you saying you are 'too smart and interesting' it comes off as if you were an egotistical person. Take it down a notch will ya'? Also, you can befriend old people. Since you are so desperately in desire of a friend, their age shouldn't matter. As a matter of fact, sometimes having friends beyond your years is actually a very good thing. They'll be able to give you wisdom like no other, especially better than peers of your own age. Are you perhaps afraid of older people because they may not seem as readily available perhaps? I'm not going to quote anymore of your post, but from the jist of it, it appears that you have very low self esteem. Stop comparing yourself to others and being intimidated by them. Work on yourself. Learn to love and appreciate yourself and what you have done (or what you can do). Only then will your problems start to resolve. Also accept the fact that not every one will like you and that some people will ghost you. It's not the end of the world. Why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be around you? It's also good to think about how you present yourself to others. If you are coming across as 'strange' and 'anti-social', maybe you just need to learn how to socialize with others better. You have to learn how to not be so awkward and 'verbose' with them. Trust me, I had the same issue so I can guess where your coming from right now. (Easier said than done). On a final note, a lot of the time, when people are looking for friends they don't make friends. It's usually when one is not really looking out for friendship that they actually make one.