What is the worst thing that ever happened to you?

Recently I've been stuck thinking about the worst things that have happened to me. So, I'm curious, lainons, if you don't mind me asking what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? Share your most traumatic memory.

Not the worst, but probably the most amusing for you: When I was a kid (can't remember the exact age but was definitely under 10) I used to go to music school. Once a year it would organize a performance for the town, many people would come to watch/listen. On the day of the event students as well as teachers were all waiting backstage, groups or individuals would go on stage in turns. I needed to go to the restroom. Everyone I asked where it is in the building couldn't tell me. I was panicked. My turn seemed to be taking forever to come. I was so desperate I was squirming. After what seemed to be ages, it was finally my turn (I was to perform alone). Shortly after going on stage and playing my instrument for a bit, as you might have guessed by now, I pissed myself on stage in front of an audience spanning the entire town. I was quite embarrassed, started crying, left the stage. At the time it was awful, but looking back on it now I guess it could be seen as funny, hence why I decided to post. I'm not affected much to be honest, I'm more bothered about tainting those I represented and those connected to me by this. Anyway, there have been much worse things that happened, but they would be pretty boring to describe. Not to mention they might put people in danger if I am deanonymized, due to entities being as nosy and eager to exert judgment as they are.

I was born into this world

>>55588 This >>55576 My parents' divorce. Everything went wrong from there. My mom started dating a drug dealer and put him in the house. I almost killed him in a fight. Part of the family is at odds with both my mother and me and my sister, because of how the divorce came about, and it was the part of the family that I liked the most. My mom and dad have changed a lot, they started drinking too much, getting into trouble. And in the end, it always ends up being left for me somehow, I'm even ashamed to leave the house because of these things.

>>55592 Sorry to hear about your parent's divorce. I know that can be very hard on people. Hope you're able to heal one day and your parents stop fuarrrking things up.

>>55588 Pretty much this. I was trying to think of some singular point where it all went downhill, only to realize it's always been that way. Life wasn't even that good as a toddler. Parents were always fighting, then when I was 4 they finally divorced. But I know the slope got steeper when I was 10-12. I had already been visiting this woman who ran a daycare out of her house before and after school, since mom didn't trust me staying at home. I'd been going there since I was about 2 and she was abusive towards me. I can't recall if she also was toward the other kids, but she certainly was to me. Anyway, she had a son who knocked up a girl while both were still in highschool. The girl dropped out, they had the kid and got married, then they got kicked out soon after. Of course, they needed money, and the husband working alone wasn't enough, so my mom offered to help. The wife just had to babysit my sister and me. I'd rather have stayed at the first bitch's place than the dropout's. They barely had any food (I had to skip breakfast often), had a dog who shat all over the house because they never raised it, kid was a total brat, and the woman herself was more abusive than that landwhale could ever be. At least the whale never beat me with a studded belt. On top of this my mind was growing weaker. I used to be kinda studious, consistent As and Bs in school, stuff like that. I was even in the advanced class. Now I rarely had the energy to do my homework or pay attention in class. Which of course just led to more abuse. Also led to bullying at school since I was growing quieter and more reserved as all this happened. Didn't help that I had just moved cities and was also starting middle school, so I didn't even have my old acquaintances (really just kids who didn't hate me) from elementary. I had always felt before like people hated me, but those 2-3 years made me feel that stronger than I ever have.

I have come to realize that some part of myself is in the afterlife or reincarnated as myself. I have done something that has achieved me the choice of immortality, and I took it. It its cursed though, I can try to follow the directions the god or futures self whispers on my ear, like to stop playing video games, and deeply study computers. I hear these whispers but can not follow them any better than my past self could, thus showing that the universe will more or less do the same thing every time. This is of course because of the cause/effect nature of the world at a molecular level.

it's funny I've been sexually and physically assaulted regularly and yet what has troubled me most has been not memories from the past but rather struggles with addiction and sanity. I cringe most not at being beaten, but being drunken.

>>55718 so you figured out you didn't just pop into existence when you came out your moms pussy, congratulations. don't freak out. play some video games yeah, but yeah studying computers is more rewarding. immortality comes in stages. don't convince yourself you'll never die, but plan for time past your death. and don't think you're special for this awakening. it's the focus of like every religion.

I've spent about half of my life playing a text game, a MUD. Specifically one. As of late a deep and embarassing secret of mine's leaked out into the community and now people don't seem to really want to talk to me anymore. I've also been getting trolled, the worst thing that ever happened to me was some midget guy making a custom emote about how he raped me over and over while telling me I am literally raped. I don't know why but for some reason having that told to me has been the worst thing to ever happen to me, I can't think straight anymore, it happened like two years ago but it's still in my head. Can god save me?

My mom gave away my chickens to the authorities. I raised them from chicks. They were family to me.

>>55879 Picture was too large.

I really can't think of anything really bad that happened to me. I've had periods in the past where I was paranoid that "finally I was going to get what I deserved" but nothing happened so far >>55880 They look real cute in that pic. I'm sorry for your loss

being betrayed by someone that I love

When I was in the 2nd Grade, I was beaten in the middle of a courtyard. This was during afterschool where there were barely any students or teachers. It was a group of five 5th Graders, one of which I considered a friend. He was recording the entire thing. What it could have been exactly, I have no idea, but when the police got involved in the aftermath, they told my parents that they were going to sell the footage online. The whole endeavor haunts me to this very day. I was an iron shell at that point. I did not let anyone get emotionally close to me. Because I was scared I would get hurt. It scrambled my mind. I could not think straight. I was a good kid, yeah. A good student, sure. But, I did not view myself as a good person at that time. I felt like I deserved it for being so stupid. I grew up, thankfully. But, I still have issues opening up with someone, face to face. I try to work on it more with my parents (when I get the chance to see them). It wasn't the most terrible thing that happened to me at the moment. But, it surely was the most miserable stretch of my life that had occurred at its time.

>>55885 Oh, they were, for sure. They always came for cuddles and pettings.

hearing my long lasted crush fuarrrking while trying to sleep in other room

being born as an autistic person

>>55901 They did it the whole damn night in the room above. The walls were trembling. Even the fuarrrking cat was freaking out and went apeshit screaming for hours. So yean, I know that feel.

Someone who I was in a friends-with-benefits thing with caught feelings for me. First she presented dating as just an idea. Said she was open to it, but also content with what we had going. That was a lie and she later admitted she had strong feelings and thought she could get me to love her if she hung out with me enough. She started lying to my friends and saying we agreed to be official and monogamous to them. She would lie to my friends about stuff to make me look bad, I think to make sure the women in my circle were uninterested in me and so that she could isolate me from my friends to get more time with me. She started telling me she would kill herself if we ever stopped having sex. One time she showed me the pills she said was going to use. It developed into her telling me if we ever stopped and I found someone else, she didn't think she'd be able to stop herself from kiling me and the new woman. Mind you, we had agreed to be non-monogamous at the beginning. Now this woman was threatening to kill anyone I slept with. She said other worrying stuff that made me believe that she is capable of following through on those threats. When I officially ended things with her, she started sending me unsolicited nudes and sexually explicit messages. I told her to stop every time, but she kept doing it. She started coming over under the pretext of hanging out with my roommate, but would often spend the time trying to talk to me. One day she did this, came into my room without permission, refused to leave, and sexually assaulted me, despite me repeatedly and extremely clearly telling her no and physically resisting her advances (not comfortable sharing details, sorry) Days later she messages me saying she thinks we can work through things. I told her never to contact me ever again. Then she called our mutual friends threatening to kill herself because I wouldn't talk to her. Friends get upset with me, so I get scolded by them. Only one person in that circle really defended me and cared. Everyone else either didn't believe me or told me to get over it. I even got the "you should be happy a girl tried to have sex with you" classic once. Every now and then, that same woman finds a way to contact me. She'll contact me and say she loves me and wants to work things through. I tell her to never contact me again and block whatever avenue she found to contact me. It's been a while since the last one, so I'm hoping she's finally moved on. It really fuarrrked my head up for a while. Would see it in my head when trying to sleep, have nightmares about it, and have anxiety whenever something reminded me of it. Until I moved to a different town, I was anxious whenever I went anywhere because of the chance of running into her. It's been years and I'm practically back to normal now. Every now and then I get stuck thinking about it and reexperiencing the emotions from when it happened, but it's getting rarer and rarer that it happens. I'm also in a very happy and healthy relationship now that I appreciate a lot more after that soykaf.

>>55934 >Someone who I was in a friends-with-benefits thing with caught feelings for me. First she presented dating as just an idea. Said she was open to it, but also content with what we had going. That was a lie and she later admitted she had strong feelings and thought she could get me to love her if she hung out with me enough. I should clarify. She asked to date, but said she was asking because she thought it could be nice to try out, and that she didn't have serious feelings about it, and was happy with not dating. I told her I would never date her and that we should stop if she has feelings for me. She said she didn't and we agreed to continue being friends-with-benefits with no feelings attached. Biggest mistake of my life was believing her and being too stupid to end it right there.

first sexual experience related to necrophilia, my father passing in my adolescent years, and ego dissolution

>>56115 >first sexual experience related to necrophilia Go on

>>55576 I had to wait at my school until 10PM when my mom got out of work.

being a victim of revenge porn, i've had irl sexual abuse happen to me too but the revenge porn was so much more traumatising

Being born into a broken family and having someone completely unrelated to me and my family be a puppet master to everything that has happened up until I was 21 and directly trying to tear me out of my family picture just because just for doing what normal kids do. I almost lost my sister because he tried to kill her and I almost lost my brother because he tried to groom him and convince him he is adopted. On top of that they were forced to harrass me as directed by him and I was pitted against my mother and told lies about my father who wanted nothing more than to be in my life. Now I live in mental disarray because on top of being born with ADHD and ASD I now have developed PTSD and extreme anxiety disorder. I live in fear of the next person who might leave my life and I am scared of going outside and facing people. Any physical trauma I've been through have been less painful than this. I think of suicide at least once a month and anyone I could ever talk to about this could never fully understand the situation. One day I'll leave everything and start over.

>>55576 Recently? A girl who was abused/being exploited tried to suck my dick to keep me from doing something about the abuse and asking me to cover it up. I was so angry and disgusted that I couldn't sleep for weeks. She was under the impression that men couldn't resist easy sex like that, and she was mad that it was the first time the trick didn't work While it isn't the "worst" Objectively, it is something that had a significant emotional impact on me. I guess objectively, the multiple attempts of people to kill me or frame me for crimes, but that barely phases me.

>>56264 Did you ever read the book A child called it? You really do have a positive outlook on life, and that makes you a stronger person than most. PTSD can be overcome, fears can be overcome, you can do it lain.

I developed schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. It was pretty horrific

that time I had a nervous breakdown and felt like I was going completely nuts for about a week. Turned out okay I guess...

>>56273 idk why I saged that

Being assaulted by my ex the night we broke up and being homeless for a few months are probably up there, after the obligatory "being born"

>>55576 >So, I'm curious, lainons, if you don't mind me asking what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? Being in debt. School loans that could not even bankrupt away. Leads into more debt just trying to stay above water. Parents land in bankruptcy, so not just no help, but they run up credit cards in my name trying to stay off the street. Sharing a 2 br apt with my parents and 2 siblings, sleeping on a concrete floor for years with no privacy. Watching all my peers graduate, start families, and have normal lives while I was left behind in a dead end. Being treated as if I were invisible by "friends" I knew all my life because nobody wants to be caught dead around the broke dude working retail wearing threadbare clothes. Finally getting my life straight by the time I'm old enough to be a grandparent, but of course, I'm never having even children because I've aged out. i realizing when I die, I will be alone. No one will attend my funeral.

>>56269 >have you read A Child Called It No, but I'm gonna look into it >you really do have a positive outlook on life I really don't and I've been told by anyone that knows me that I am very negative all the time. But thank you for believing that I can overcome it all, somehow it means more having a lainon say it to me compared to someone in my life that probably just wants something from me.

>>55576 Failed to commit.

>>55576 I've become a complete loner, who spend most of the time overthinking and programming, to get rid of the bad thoughts

born a sperg. sent to schools which traumatized me. picsrel.

You know its hard to say because I wonder sometimes if the worst thats happened to me isnt necessarily what I see as the worst. Much of what I see as the worst usually involves things that were in my control, or could have been but slipped out. Ive had it fairly easy even if initially growing up I didn't. Like what sticks out as particularly traumatic is this one day I cut myself after not for awhile and I accidentally completely split my arm open. This is more than my dad being burned alive (didnt see it happen) and dying eventually in hospital, and more than when I was I guess like repeatedly sexually abused by a friend. But those two instances could have been the mosy damaging, for example I have almost 0 empathy by default for men which may be due to my dad not being around from a young age and other male figures in my life being what I essentially saw as "ruiners of fun". For the latter I now tend to think love is not particularly important or sometimes even real and though I can be really close with people theres certain intimacy barriers I have a lot lf trouble breaching. Yet these two instances I rarely think about compared to this self inflicted cutting instance. Especially the dad one, the other one there is a degree I could have changed things. As a kid though cause of my dad I think frequently had nightmares about the world ending and I had an intense fear of being poisoned. Id cry every time we went out to eat cause what if some psycho working there lost it and just decided to poison the food that day. And id get sick just from my own head after and even theow up. This was from like 7-10 too. Its odd cause aside from some kinks in a lot of the ways other people are stunted from trauma im fairly okay. Yet in other ways im leagues behind. I think because of this instance happening so early I learned that horrific stuff that happens out of my control is just that, out of my control. So thinking about it or dwelling is pointless. Also though I have an intense apathy which ive only learned within the past few years to function in spite of because in order to cope with this idea of death being so random as a kid I internalized that there isnt really any amount of anything that can save you or help you "live beyond" in the way you think you will. So in the area of motivating myself ive had to find like basically entirely new ways to do that, cause im not really motivated by reward or fear. I almost dropped out of college in my last year just because I didnt like it anymore, and I failed several classes I did all the work for because of auto fail attendance stuff and didnt care at all before one teacher convinced me on it when we talked. This sort of thing makes life harder and makes me a lot slower, but I still am not certain its a bad thing I have to find my own reasons for doing things devoid of any loss/reward motive because I also used to have addiction issues and I saw how unreliable those things were as motives. So I feel like when I do find a reason to do or not do something its super solid and this could be something i tell myself but I feel its more solid than your average persons reasons to do something. But I also think on the counter as ive implied it takes me like multiple times as long to find those reasons. But going back, like ive learned to not be suicidal at all, and so nearly killing myself becauae of just a stupid decision to cut myself and going way too hard is jusy hugely surprising and horrifying to me and when I think about the moment it happens and I can vividly remember it I go into just like catatonic mode almost remembering. So yeah thats what I think is the worst thats happened to me, even though clearly bigger by most standards and in terms of impact on me have happened.

>>56448 Im glad to see you open up lain. I think that threads like this can actually work better than a thousand hours of therapy for some lains, because you can say whatever you want and nobody will hold it against you since they don't know you. I don't know if you really want my opinion, but I am going to give it anyway. I don't know if you are still into self harm, but I think that you have realized your will to live. Even if you have not found a purpose yet, you have found that dying is undesirable. I am sorry that you have had to go through so much pain, but suffering and learning to let go of that pain is what allows us to move on, and it makes us able to overcome and endure many more hardships. Your ability to look beyond fear/loss/reward is something that many strive to achieve in order to achieve inner peace. Your understanding of the fragility of human life can make you more compassionate too, since you understand how fleeting it is. Take that as advice if you want to. If you still want to feel some form of pain, instead of risking actual life threatening harm or loss of limbs, try looking into an acupuncture mat like this one, it has pointed plastic spikes that are extremely sharp on bare skin https://www.amazon.com/Yoga-Acupressure-Mat-Pillow-Set/dp/B08FR8MPCW/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

I survived a car crash that killed my mother. I have a lot of trouble opening up about it.

>>56448 >Making a big deal about cutting, talking this much at all You either a girl or a gay

Being on the spectrum and getting mugged in Tijuana.

>>55588 This... I am 31 years old and struggling with depression and axiety almost my whole life. I see no future. fuarrrk this soykaf. One of these days, I will certainly end it. All I need is balls and these are hard to find, it seems.

>>56459 Who was driving?

>>56825 my mom was driving i wasnt old enough to drive yet

>>56827 How old were you then?

That I can remember? Realizing my family members are soykafty selfish people and are only "nice" to save face. It is like kicking dead whales down the beach seeing random strangers get more respect and kindness than you. The worst I cant remember is getting my hand gashed open by glass as a baby. Still have the stitches on my hand.

had a terrible childhood and started having frequent anxious breakdowns from the age of 11. parents didnt know what to do with me and treated me like a monster. had a step parent that told me to my face i wasnt special and that she was always waiting for me to just stop talking. she pretends everything is fine nowadays by making dark "jokes", saying things like "i cant believe i dont want to suckerpunch you right now" but really it just reopens old wounds. fuarrrk her, fuarrrk all the horrible soykaf she said to me for being a kid with mental health issues. i would throw up from the anxiety and stress, developed OCD and horrible eczema, but through it all i was treated like a freak. im so happy im an adult now.

I had a psychotic episode in July 2020 for the first time since I was a teenager. My dad had to come get me because I was running around our city's downtown with no idea what was happening or where I was. Nothing of that magnitude has happened since then, thank God, but I've not been doing well since it happened and am always afraid it will happen again.

I wouldn't say it's the worst but I came to the realisation recently that I don't find anything about my physical appearance even remotely attractive. I am repulsed by myself in the mirror and it's not that I can point out one feature like my nose or hair that is wrong I just don't like the entire package. I like the way that I dress, my tattoos, etc. I just feel like the mannequin that I'm dressing is wrong or broken or wasn't produced properly.

Gangstalkers followed me home

Seriously, I don't remember

Love my people and bought into the American patriotism meme before I knew we were just footsoldiers for globalism. Joined up right out of highschool as a cop. Iraq deployment comes up. Great! Let's fuarrrk up some evil ragheads! Two months in country, I realized these people were different than me, but not evil. Just trying to get along in a soykafty situation. We attempted to minimize the damage AQI and JAM were doing to the locals, but didn't have the backing and most of the local police were on the take anyway. Fast forward three months. On duty at a local police station, trying to get their armory in order, so they stop giving their inventory to local Jihadis. Hear gunshots right outside the gate. Saddle up and head over. Some fuarrrk had sprayed a bunch of rounds into a driver while his family was in the car and tossed in a molotov for good measure, with children in the back seat. By the time we got there a little girl from the back seat, maybe 8 at the time, was just pulled out. She was literally cooked and screaming. Her family is screaming as they are watching their dead father's body being burned. The mother is trying to console the daughter by petting her and singing, but her skin is just sloughing off. I'll never forget their fuarrrking screams until the day I die.

I rode the bus going to school. None of the black kids would let me sit next to them and I was the only white kid for miles where I lived. So I would sit on the stairs at the front of the bus. I guess it got me bullied. I remember guys betting on a fight between me and some other kid. I held the niggers face in the snow choking him out. His older brother came up and kicked me in the ribs. Then I beat his brother fair, again, with a broken rib, and told him I'd kill him if he ever fuarrrked with me again. But I still sat in the stairs. Good times.

Being alive at all. I don't experience positive emotions, thus have no positive memories, thus it all blurs into a haze of neutral to bad. All of it was quite literal torture. It's too late now.

>>58155 youre a glitterboy , experience some real hardship and stop bitching about people beating ur ass

>>58157 >neurosuggesting I've ever lost a fight I never had friends, anon, and now I'm emotionless Chad that would rather cagematch women then sex them. We all have our reasons for self isolating. Yours are just gay.

>>56766 neither, though im not sure what your point would be if I was. none of these things are a particularly big deal to me, and I typically dont share much in real life. I post here once a week or so before bed almost like a diary.

>>58158 Please use the correct pronouns, its lain and not anon in case you haven't lurked long enough. Your story sounds like the kind of soykaf that happens in the trashy states of america and turns some innocent kid into an extremist.

>>58169 You didn't seem like lain soykafting on someone for "not being injured" enough, anon.

>>58170 not soykafting on the other poster, just pointing out that a number of extremists have cited fuarrrked up childhoods like that were what made them into who they are.

>>58171 idk what I said is spam

>>55934 you should be happy a girl had friendship with benefits with you. on a more serious note, it's hilarious to see how you being the brainless "please respect my limits and wishes and boundaries like healthy, sane adults" type of idiot fuarrrked you up for all this time. you should have smacked the bitch and told her to kill herself, and she might have just done it. this wasn't a sad accident, lainon. it was a direct consequence of your behavior and mistaken belief that politically correct behavior always works.

>>58173 >the political board >the ethnicity >the slur the first is most suspicious, but maybe they only get caught when all at once >and maybe the past administrator >>56278 >>56264 just wow >>56448 >I learned that horrific stuff that happens out of my control is just that, out of my control. So thinking about it or dwelling is pointless for those who can't and won't ever figure out, yes >>58157 lmao this kid thinking he experienced hardship grow up son uwu owo

>>58176 It's the politics board that triggers the spam filter, I'm 90% sure. >>58179 They were just pointing out that the slur may have been why the filter was triggered.

Dealing with incest for my entire childhood from my older brother. We were homeschooled and it was just the two of us so it was pretty much constant every single day. It stopped as we got older and he moved into society more and more but we've never ever talked about it. We've been grown and out of the house for a very long time now but things are still incredibly tense between us.

>>58276 Did he make you succ his pp or something? It's time to get closure by beating the fuarrrk out of him

>>58276 are you male or female? If the latter big bro was living the dream. That's something most men only get in hentai manga fantasies.

>>58282 Pretty much, there was a lot involved. >>58287 Am a man so it was just retarded gay soykaf.

My parents met to get married. Not because they were wealthy or privileged, but purely because they were both single at an age when most people would get married, and they were brought together by the arrangement of their aunt. As you can imagine, I'm ugly for a 24 year old, and on top of that, I have developmental disabilities and didn't even graduate from middle school properly. My sister is similar. I recently got a bicycle and I cycle outside. Someone has called the police and there are more police patrols. In the closed countryside, a man on a bicycle is a suspicious person.

>>58287 >are you male or female?

being anhedonic is like kicking dead whales down the beach but you get used to it tinnitus is horrid but it seems stable and at this level it gets easier to ignore with 'practice' testicular torsion also sucked but on the bright side the surgery got rid of my third testicle (not really, just a large cyst) which might have saved me thousands of dollars in ultrasounds the worst thing that happened to me, honestly, is GAPIDALISM :DDDDD but that doesn't really count

>>58289 >Someone has called the police and there are more police patrols. In the closed countryside, a man on a bicycle is a suspicious person. fuarrrk cars fuarrrk cars fuarrrk cars seriously how is being in an open, slower* vehicle even suspicious? >>58142 fuarrrk. I hope you're holding up fine anon. It's tough enough dealing with the first part of the post.

The worst thing that has ever happened to me was severe embarrassment of a sexual nature. I was embarrassed in front of a whole classroom of people, and my perverted sexuality was revealed for all to see, at the very young age of 11/12, back when I didn't know what I was doing or what sex was. Little me couldn't handle it, and I had cried for months about what had happened, and I developed actual rashes from the stress that I had to face while being in the midst of the people who witnessed my blunder. The worst part is how perverted I was, and that I was forced to see these people every single day for the next few years as my mom refused to let me change schools, or get me psychological help, despite my constant crying. She would also yell at me for crying, and she even got herself help during this time, while neglecting me, for whatever reason. I can't enjoy sex (let alone have sex), physical touch causes me to recoil, and I cannot look others in the eye. Idk, not as bad as other lainons, but this event has caused me severe, long-lasting mental disorders.

I killed my plushy by holding it outside the car window on the highway, it was swept away. The guilt is still with me. I never faced justice for my crime and i'm still that dumb.

>>58297 Did you give a lecture on your vore fetish ?

>>58337 Not a vore fetish, but basically.

>>58155 Next time try to swap the races and watch for different responses.

>>55576 the worst thing that ever happened to me was my sister sexually abusing me as a small child.

I gained a will to live. Before now, I could do anything and feel no fear about it all. Now I actually have unique ideas to defend until I manage to have them realized, and meanwhile it would actually be unfortunate to die. This is such a new feeling to me. Many of these ideas actually constitute a grand gift to pretty much all of you, and anon as a whole. I am so absolutely ecstatic with how much joy and goodwill I can and will come to bring to many people, so that's the plus side- the only negative is that I have to yield to self-preservation now.

>>55576 Many bad things happened, I was going to post this to the vent thread but migh as well post it here. First of all I don't have a father, he abandoned me and my mother long ago, he no longer talked or sent us money to live, so basically my entire kidhood was like soykaf, I always felt different from other kids who talked about Thier father and and how they spent time with them, it always left a whole in my chest even now (21 yo), also we're very poor, mother who is working in cleaning didn't go to university or had a degree and she's trying to take care of the two of us me and my younger brother, and truly it's crushing, not having money, thinking about what you'll do tomorrow when you still have a couple if days till your next paycheck, etc. Another thing that happened is, when I was like 16 we went to my mother's family, we lived there a couple of years, there when I finally understood how bad this world can be, to summarize what happened during those 3 years, my family laughed at my mother for taking a man like that, and than they started bullying us to get out, it was my grandfather's house but my uncles and aunts don't want us here, and because of all this problems and stress I barely passed highschool, and now I've failed two years in university, I'm thinking of dropping out and working some soykafty job because my mother is getting older and I think I missed my chance anyway.

Details left out for opsec reasons, but working 80-100 hours per week for 2 years in an extremely mentally demanding field. My brain was under such immense stress I developed a stutter and an eye twitch, sometimes even losing the ability to speak / put together a sentence after work. Combined with the lack of any free time whatsoever, you can imagine what this did to my personal and social life. Pretty much lost contact with all my friends and hobbies. Almost suicided a couple of times. I'm out of there now luckily, three years later I'm mentally almost back to normal. My social life has not quite recovered yet, however. I'm in a strange city where I literally do not know one single person besides my co-workers.

>>55576 Dont know but maybe my dad always bitching to me about my mom and telling me about her infidelity

Getting rejected for the first time ever. Ever since, I'm quite reluctant at approaching women - this is the first time in around a decade that I am willing to take the risk (and even then, slow). I was a naive teen in 7th grade, in love with my classmate - nothing out of the ordinary. Somehow got tell telling two of my female friends, and they really encouraged me to go tell her, they said that honesty is the best policy. In retrospect, they were still right. So I told her, and this was her response: "We are too young for this". In retrospect, what an autistic response, even worse than my autism. At the time my male friends blamed this on the female friends that encouraged me, and convinced me they were malicious. In any way, this soykaf really fuarrrked up my ability to approach women. In fact I didn't approach a woman ever since. It didn't help much either that I was gaining more and more social distance from my peers over time. My two previous relationships were ones where my exes approached me, not the other way around. I'm getting quite close to a female best friend though, treading carefully but aiming at breaking the cycle - not for the sake of breaking it, but because I think we'd make a nice couple (as affirmed by our friends a few times). So, maybe I'm finally getting over my past? At least I'm trying to make that the case.

>>58598 Holy fuarrrking soykaf, doing that for 2 years would kill most people. I am amazed you are still alive after that experience. Are you able to access mental health services? Unless you would prefer to go this alone, it is not unusual or bad for you to get help adjusting back to regular life. What you went through is completely unusual and could have caused some serious damage. Wishing you the best.

>>59201 The image i posted is the best representation of how i felt during that time.0 I think if i had access to some mental health services i would have been able to bounce back from it a lot more quickly. Like i said, at this point I'm pretty much back to normal, and feel like a normal person again. Even got a GF, feels good man. My hair hasn't really grown back though, I assumed I'd lost it from the stress but it may just be genetic. Either is plausible. >>59197 I know them feels man. It's not limited to relationships either, if you have a strong negative experience when you do something for the first time it's going to really hinder you giving it another chance, no matter what it is.

>>59218 you got a lot more going on with a 12h work routine. Lack of exercise promotes aging for example or if you get fatter the fat affects hormones which can affect hair. Also likely to simply eat more unhealthy. that said genetics is a huge factor, had a classmate starting to go bald at 18.

>>59223 oh believe me i know, i was so incredibly unhealthy back then. I'm 27 now and my hair is only thinning in the back. I assumed that if it was genetic i'd be totally bald by now, but idk.

>>58598 Do you have anything to show for those two years at least?

>>59230 Not enough to have made it worth it. But I do have a pretty impressive resume, and a decent pile of cash saved up. I'll be spending it on a house soon.