How to into meaningful relationships?

Hello lainons, I need someone to explain human relationships to me, because I'm fuarrrking clueless. I have a lot of people I know, even though I can be socially awkward, I'm pretty likeable. In terms of talking it's just me ranting or teaching someone about something. So it's usually very "one-sided", I do it because I feel like some things are so nice I have to share them, but in the end I feel like no one listens or appreciates it... I don't really feel like I've ever had friends that are "good enough". I sometimes feel like the people I talk to, don't deserve me, and I know that sounds pretty arrogant. So I guess the basic problem is, people aren't as passionate and don't have the same level of curiosity as I do. Right now I'm 21, I've skipped uni and went to a nice IT job, and I'm alone in an unfamiliar city. I've never really enjoyed hanging out with anyone. I have some colleagues from work, but I don't like alcohol (and they do), so, hanging out with them is just painful, I only feel bored and alienated (even though I'm sure they don't mean it). People often ask me why don't I go outside more, but my question is, where the fuarrrk should I go? Going for a walk or maybe a run seem like the only choices to me (and indeed, maybe I should do it more often). Getting friends is one thing, but the second is getting a GF. I've tried dating apps, and pretty much skipped 99% of girls within the 25 mile, on 2 different apps. I don't know whether interesting women simply don't exist, or they are all taken (at this age though?), or what the hell is going on? I've matched with some of them, but after talking for a while, I just turn apathetic towards them. So, I'm posting here because I don't know what to do next. Anyone here that once felt similar, and has some thoughts or advice? Sorry about writing this post so personally, but hopefully one day some lainons with similar problems will find salvation here.

> I don't know whether interesting women simply don't exist, or they are all taken (at this age though?), or what the hell is going on? This is why you don’t have a girlfriend.

Wish I could say something life-changing, but I can't since I've found myself pretty much in the same situation since the pandemic started. No hopes, tried everything (go out alone and with people, gym, etc) and all of those things stopped working overtime. Also can't build a connection with anyone, since I feel bored and alienated just as you do. I guess that since we are lainons, it is extra hard finding people to deeply connect with irl, and I guess it would help if you were in uni right now. For me, my only hope is meeting people on edgy parties like pseudo techno bunkers and soykaf, and I guess that could help you too if you enjoy music. Otherwise, try getting out of your comfort zone, I guess.

>>55472 Ok you know what? I’m going to try to give some actual advice. I am serious, women don’t like men who literally are questioning if they have the capacity to have functioning brain cells. Simple as. Work on that for sure, if not even if you did get a girlfriend with this mindset, by some miracle, get ready for her to hate you when you break up to mock you to all her friends about you being an abusive asshole (which will only further destroy your social life anyway). If you think women are too stupid to know your contempt for them, they’re not. Also lower your standards. You’re a NEET on lainchan, you aren’t really in the place to complain about other people being beneath you. As for friendships, I get how hard self isolation is to escape. Find a hobby, find a class or meet up for it. Keep showing up, eventually you’ll meet likeminded people. Don’t worry about your hobby being cringe or whatever. Just embrace yourself and your interests. It’s hard, it might feel very fake trying to fit in with others especially at first. It is better than being alone though. But remember none of this will work out unless you make yourself a less bitter person. If you don’t maybe you’ll be able to surround yourself with other bitter incel NEETS but why would you want that?

>>55473 Sure I could be chad thundercock and fuarrrk every woman on this planet, but it's not what I want. Really, I just want a GF that I like as a person. But I have a very hard time liking anyone. >>55477 And even though I don't like people, it's not like I show it. I too have empathy, I'd say I'm very friendly as a person, I try not to make anyone feel bad. Also, I don't think you know what NEET means. I might try the hobby club thing though. >>55475 fuarrrk off.

>>55472 Hi. I am married. You are overthinking this entire situation. >Be yourself. Unironically. >Avoid a relationship that you don't think you could "deal" with for more than 40+ years >Be honest with them. >Realize you have to find middle ground, at least in somethings. >Do NOT find middle ground in things you find to be morally objectional >Do realize that sometimes things do not work and accept it. >Do try to fix problems before throwing the relationship in the trash >Do not think you can "fix them". Good luck.

>>55483 Oh, I mentioned that I am married to give you context that I actually know what I am talking about. Its not a bragging thing... sometimes people think that. I don't know why.

>>55484 Its not a matter of bragging. If you tell me you are longterm married it tells me you didn't have to deal with current circumstances. I don't disagree with your post but i would also say the current main issue is lockdowns affecting socializing which is something nobody had to deal with before. I live more or less like an inmate now doing most work remote and i got friends likewise complaining doing nothing where before we would regularly go out. Nobody likes playing the whole circus with testing&masks so they simply opt out of going outside. Shops reported losses in 40-60% revenue.

>>55485 >main issue is lockdowns Not him but if you're still affected by lockdowns, is it possible for you to move ?

>how to meet interesting people try to find a group of people interested in similar things as you are. Then be proactive in attending social events with them. >colleagues drink and I don't if you enjoy their company then just join them and don't drink. Offer to be their designated driver even. They'll probably appreciate it and drunk people can be pretty fun if you let yourself get a little loose. If you don't enjoy their company, then you're not missing anything if you don't hang out with them. >going outside honestly it's nice to just walk around. The downside is if you're like me, unfamiliar cities can be really scary and overwhelming. Parks are good. Take a book to the park and read. Another option is hiking. >getting GF no idea there m8. Dating apps suck but I've met a couple really great people on them. Not enough to justify using them though. >interesting women Dunno this either! I've met some interesting women, back when I had more friends and was more sociable (and people weren't terrified of covid). >>55473 >just act like you've overdosed on testosterone

>>55490 oh yeah. None of this will get you a *meaningful* relationship. To get that you have to already have a relationship, then you have to be willing to be vulnerable with them.

>>55480 Not saying you’re a bad person also some of your criticisms are fair cause I’m an idiot. Reread you’re post missed you were employed so you are not a NEET, sure, but I feel like you’re missing a bit of the bigger picture of what I’m saying here. All I’m saying is saying “maybe there are no interesting women” and skipping as you said 99% of girls without getting to know them because they’re not good enough for your high standards for you or whatever from their tinder profile alone(which is usually like a few sentences) is a sure fire way to get women to hate you. Not really all that complicated. If you don’t want to make them feel bad and are a friendly guy unlearn this and just avoid it in the future. Sorry for coming off like an asshole, but I feel like dudes often don’t understand otherwise with this topic other than tough love. I empathize with you it’s hard out there, but the problem isn’t just the state of the world, coming from someone who found love in lockdown and is now getting married. I sincerely wish you the best of luck, but you’ve got to unlearn that soykaf if you want to have a healthy relationship. Hope you’re able to get there one day.

>I've tried dating apps, and pretty much skipped 99% of girls within the 25 mile, on 2 different apps. That sounds about right. The ones you are looking for are not using such apps. >I've matched with some of them, but after talking for a while, I just turn apathetic towards them. Ugh... Yeah I hate to admit the same experience. I kinda gave up on the idea and accepted the fact that i would stay single. There's only once where I wasn't apathetic towards the other... I don't really know why. I was going to come up with a reason, but it just happened i guess. It didn't work out in the end, still bffs thought. Sometimes there will be people hitting me up, flirting and I do give it a try, but in the end, I realize they aren't really that interesting to me beyond what they display. I feel like people come up to me when I'm not seeking any kind of love or relation... Maybe that will happen to you? Also: It's more of a personal thing, but I find that most of my longest attempts at a relationship lasts more when the other party is okay with staying by themselves and is okay with me being away for a while. Take it easy. You'll find someone at some point. As I probably will, unintentionally.

As a 32 year old need who never dated i can tell you only one notable thing. Last year i met the person who i think i could descibe closest as being my soul mate, but me fuarrrking tard idiot stoned asshole forgot to ask for her number. Now im not gonna go into details, but the jest goes down this, you will not meet people who you will truly connect with by conventional dating, that is simply because of inteded nature of it and by that the mostly artificial setting it will have. If you meet people for marriage and fuarrrking, those are things it will wind down on, not having fun and experiencing life. Open good relationships will be hard grown in cages of expectations and metrics and protocols. You need to go out there and live life, dont fall into the trap of thinking you can meet people online like this, it is far from impossible but still in the improbable field(for lainchanners alteast). Even if you end up walking the world alone, walk it trough and dont get entangled in fake digital boxes with relationships that come from constraints and manufactured experiences. The internet is supposed to augment your life, not suck it up, dont get dragged down that pit for the love of lain.

>>55512 >32 >think you know someone is your soul mate before you even have their phone number wtf...

>>55492 Fair enough >>55512 >You need to go out there and live life >The internet is supposed to augment your life, not suck it up, dont get dragged down that pit for the love of lain. Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot recently. The Internet is like the "Allegory of the Cave", no matter what, only showing us shadows and never the real things. Kind of like taking the blue pill in The Matrix. I dunno what I'm going to do with that fact yet, except for spending more time outside, and I guess maybe then, the answer will show itself to me eventually.

>>55523 >The Internet is like the "Allegory of the Cave", no matter what, only showing us shadows and never the real things. You can learn real knowledge on the internet, in particular technical knowledge. You can also make some pretty good jokes. In many ways those are the only ways in which the internet is not like the allegory of the cave.

>>55513 Yeah i know im stupid, but the way we met and how much of a connection we had, it was uncanny, i just couldnt believe in how ways were similar and im quite a particular person to say the least. Its about the only women i ever even could think of really being, every other way i really tried or thought of felt and still does fake that way. You cant get these kinds of experiences over some internet dating services, or not often, i just dont think so metrics make those things even possible. Sure i didnt get to do the junk stuff, but we had really a lot of fun that i think i rarely had just being around someone in a very long time. >>55523 Come on the internet is not this bad, even nowadays if you stay away from the total crapfest that is most of it. >>55525 Yes you can get all the knowledge of the world, yet most use is to engage in the lowest of the low quality possible form of idiocy possible and give no thought to alternative means of spending their time. Yet in the end its all still out there, all one needs to do is a websearch, but so many people out there think energy grows on, its a hightech stoneage son. The world no matter how crappy is still somehow out there and not in fake internet venues, dont get flushed down there by people, its just gonna end up being a fake imitation of life dictated by computer controlled group dynamics, instead of technical efficiency as for what computers were meant for.

>>55492 Idk, you sound like a gril and guys cant take dating advice from girls if they actually want a relationship. Guys and girls basically exist in different realities when it comes to dating. Their interests are diametrically opposed as well just like the relationship between employer and employee. The employee needs to pay attention to their own needs not just convince the employer to hire them. I think a major issue with modern dating is that women dont seem to understand there is a difference between men and women. This leads to the desirable men becoming fuarrrk boys when they receive all the attention and the rest of the men become incels when they get no attention. And the ladies keep complaining about how awful men are because they only want to deal with fuarrrkboys because the only other men they can find are incels. So then women give dating advice meant for fuarrrkboys to incels then incels are creeps for talking to women which convinces even more guys not to talk to women and becomes incels.

>>57567 The only way you could possibly convince me that women could give dating advice is is a women pretended to be a man online and scored dates with women but everytime i have seen that attempted the woman just rage quits and starts hating on women for being so awful. Women have no idea about dating because their idea of dating is just to make themselves available for a guy to do all the work. They cant even tell another guy what work to do because the work doesnt matter it just depends on the guy, its not what he does but who he is and a girl cant give you dating advice that changes who you are as a person.

>>55472 Once you are adult, it's hard to get friends. Pretty much your only chances are to get friends at work/school or at a hobby event/meeting/club. You could also try to get involved in voluntary work. >dating apps Most people who use dating apps aren't looking for real (= long term) relationships.

>>55472 I know your feels all too well. Everything you wrote in your post sounds very familiar. I wish i could say i had some kind of advice.

>>57570 >Once you are adult, it's hard to get friends Not true at all in my case. The only "social gathering" I went to as a kid was of course school, and I never made any friends (besides two I made in elementary, but both fell out of contact with me after 6th grade). It didn't help that every school I went to was in the ghetto, and filled to the brim with ignorant soykafheads. By high school, the two types of classroom inhabitants that served as my options for friends, were dumb brutish dykes with dyed hair, and boneheaded ghetto wannabee gangster assholes with slutty latina girlfriends always clinging to their side. Even if I did find a "diamond in the rough" friend that I could've related to at that point, I would've been too embarrassed to invite them over at my house (which at the time was infested with drug addict family members and cats that urinated everywhere). After I got my license, I drove everywhere. It didn't matter where to. I could reinvent myself since I knew nobody, and that's just what I did. I often pretended I was somebody that I wasn't when I went to music shows, art galleries, even the grocery store. I didn't bother with college and got a job, and was able to afford the equipment I needed to pursue my hobbies. As of right now, I have never dated anyone, so none of what I just wrote has any use to OP, but I can say this; you don't have to date/marry someone to be adequate. You want a girlfriend that you "like as a person", but relationships aren't easy. You can't do as you please anymore. When you get into a serious relationship with someone, you aren't individuals anymore. You both have to decide what you wanna do for the day, what you both want to eat, who gets to shower first. It gets even more complicated if you decide to pop a kid out. That's why I could personally never go beyond friends-with-benefits, since I have a free spirited personality and want to focus solely on creative outlets as soon as I get off work. So just keep that in mind before finding a soulmate, OP.

>>58328 Mostly agree with this post and im the same way. I have a situationship with someone where we both love eachother a lot in our own ways but mainly just want to be in eachothers lives as we grow. we have broken things off before when space is needed, stopped having sex when one of us isnt feeling that aspect of it anymore, changed frequency when we meet up, its all very flexible. They are like family to me, and if I needed to never see them again both of us have already been through that before and know we would be okay. anytime ive wished for more or less, out of said relationship i realize things are fine just as they are. when things get too intense i feel like im losing myself, when i stop seeing them all together i realize how much they are a valuable and treasured friend to me. I dont particularly care if this dynamic is normal or abnormal and i dont advocate it as some kind of ideal, its just what works well for me. however onto the primary thing of OPs dilemna I semi didagree with poster im replying to in that I think it is harder to make friends as an adult but this isnt necessarily a bad thing or anything other than people knowing themselves better. There is many people as a kid you would be friends with you wouldnt as an adult for good reasons. Ive never been apathetic to relationships until lately, but I know people who are that I had to practically force my way to being their friend and showing them through being their friend that there is benefits I guess. I cant do that with you, OP, for obvious reasons. And as I said I too have been apathehetic lately, however its more like a good thing to me because until now ive spent my life neurotically obsessing over people. It seems like to people ive met who have always been a bit apathetic in that area it presents whole different problems I dont quite understand yet .

>>57567 >>57568 >>55477 Dating advice from women be like > Just be patient and the perfect person will fall into your lap shortly Present Day, Present Time! AHAHAHAHAHA! Also i hate hearing the phrase: "Women like X" or "women dont like X". Women have no fuarrrking clue what they want, literally ever.

>>55530 >Yeah i know im stupid, but the way we met and how much of a connection we had, it was uncanny, i just couldnt believe in how ways were similar and im quite a particular person to say the least. I know what you mean. It rarely happens, I think just twice in my life, but there are people who made me feel "light". With most I meet I feel like I drag my body and all it's weight around, but these two made me forget that. They made me feel weightless and everythting felt frictionless. I even smile without without thinking about it when I remind myself about them. I think lonely, haha. I have people I talk to and they make me laugh, but I wish I had someone with who I could be honest with. With who I wouldn't need to wear any masks around and just be me. I guess this is more of a vent and I soykaf the discussion with depressive bullshit, but I want somewhere to let it out.

>>55477 >I am serious, women don’t like men who literally are questioning if they have the capacity to have functioning brain cells. Yah............... I'm not so sure about that.

>>58389 Its social suicide to be honest irl so nobody does it.