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What gave you the will to keep going on in your darkest hour? A person? Medication? A new hobby? Share it!

Thanatophobia. > This body is neither too short nor empty.

>What gave you the will to keep going on in your darkest hour? Honestly, my fetish. All of my creative and self-sustaining drives are deeply related to my sexual fantasies. The feeling of wholeness, the feeling of comfort, the feeling of truly being *me* is unmatched by what any single activity, substance, person, or hobby could ever provide for me. If it weren't for my fetish, I have no idea where I would have ended up in my life, my interests, my skills, my knowledge, and the very way that I see the world would be entirely different -- I can't even imagine. Instead of feeling whole when I have erotic dreams where I submerge into and become one with Mother, I feel whole when I have erotic dreams where I feel as if I were reborn as a デブケモ guy, and Lainchan nor anybody else could ever take this intense feeling of personal well being away from me. The people of Lainchan have to be pretty "asleep" to not realize how much the sexual conquest drives their goal setting behaviours throughout their lives, and in fact makes up a major part of their "Personality/Self." They claim to be fans of the Matrix movies (look at this website's headers), and cyberpunk, while begrudgingly ignoring articles like this one [https://archive.ph/PYeMs - The Mystery of Larry Wachowski] because it offends them, or angers them if they hate "non-reproductives." Modern cyberpunk was birthed out of sexual fantasies, with a futuristic world where technology would allow every single dark, twisted, fuarrrked-up sexual fantasy to come alive, and yet, Lainchan wants nothing to do with it. A rocket ship which would take me to a far off planet, one inhabited by a harem of hot, big breasted, amazonian women, or a special syrup which would slowly morph my body into that of an attractive women once ingested... Incapable of thinking for themselves via the use of guided introspection, aided by the works of Psychodynamic, Holistic, Stochastic schools of psychology. Paraphilic Transvestism is the only socially sanctioned sexual identity, based on a sinister web of misattributed logic to the Mind. You really think that any reasonable insight comes out of misattributing Neurological studies and language by applying it to mental states? You really think that we can read someone's mind, determine their future, prophesize their fate, by throwing them into an MRI scanner, or by taking a swab of DNA? Do you really think that just because the human race, the bipedal ones, come in "Male" and "Female," that a Homosexual man and a tranny has some kind of "feminized brain," and that their current personality, at this specific time, could ever possibly exist in a female body? That's how the mind works, it cannot be divided down to a small patch of specific neurons in the brain, it is a complex interaction of countless processes, which are constantly in flux, constantly reassembling into redundant networks of related feelings, it's fuzzy and in constant flux, it's "math" is Stochastic. If this post has offended you, or has made you angry, then just listen to the song Blue Velvet. Just imagine your mother, in a beautiful, deep blue velvet nightgown. Think about how the nightgown perfectly accentuates her curvy body, smelling the slight smell of her pubes as you scan her hips and chest, embracing her while you feel the softness of the blue velvet on your skin. It's been such a hard day studying computer programming, and Human Behavioural Biology, and you're just so tired of it all, but Mother's here, and she knows exactly how you feel. The warm, earthy smell of the blue velvet, the warm embrace of Mother, all flooding your mind, and then you punch her, right in the face. You then wrap your hands around her neck, and you refuse to let go. MOMMY!!! MOMMMMMYYYYY!!!!!! Off Topic

>>51089 during my times of intense isolation, I don't know what kept me going, I just got up, went to school, and hoped that tomorrow would be better than today. anon, if you don't learn to introspect as a product of your struggles you will never escape the pit of loneliness. there is nothing you can read that will help you, only intense self reflection don't take this as a statement of despair, please for the love of god don't do any harm to yourself and try to look inward to solve your problems, its literally the only way to get happier

>>51089 this dude >>51093 he gradually becomes more and more schizo as time goes, I am curious what the final form will be

>>51089 God. There is always somebody somewhere cheering you on. I think it would be very sad to disappoint them.

My imaginary friend >This post is too short

I am driven by anger and hate, also smoking weed keeps me grounded. Also one day the world will truly change into a new one, im trying to hang on for this as long as possible.

>>51107 >this post is too short That's what she said lel.

Lifting by evening and running by morning. Six days a week, no cheating.

>>51107 May I ask how you found your friend? Is it like a tulpa or did he/she just appear

>>51113 It's more like a telepathic connection with a person that exists somewhere in the universe. And if the universe is infinite, then there's a chance that this exact person that I came up with may actually exist >>51111 Wow, you're amazing. I need to exercise, too, damn

>>51089 Biiiiiiiinaurallll beeeeeeeeeeeatssssssssss

>>51089 Have something to achieve or something where you want to be. And get the will of living by thinking about that. For exemple. If my objective is to get a big house. I will continue to live and work for getting it. Maybe thit is something that works for me. I hope it work for you or someone else :)

In my darkest hour, it was the simple realization that hard work was a win/win situation. Either the additional stress would drive me to suicide, or I would improve my lot in life. Sadly the worse of the two outcomes happened.

I think of all the people who want me to fail, and try to be productive and successful out of spite.

ahrimanic breathing techniques, my friends in the thaumiel & da'ath spheres

>>51089 Absolutely nothing. Life has no meaning or purpose, if one day I stop enjoying it I guess the common thing to do is adopt some coping strategy (family, religion, politics, whatever) or off myself (if I don't get to a psychiatrist first), but I'll cross that bridge when I get there, I'm fine embracing meaninglessness for now.

>>51089 I just did what needed to be done for the day, chores and such. keeps the mind off of bad thoughts you know?

>>51089 >>51089 Unironically hate After immense introspection I hated who I was I vowed to change no matter what the cost I would become the person I wanted to be I wanted to be the change I wanted to see in the world I've been pretty successful so far, people just call me extremely humble and a good person I hate that, because I feel like I do the right things because I hate all the wrongs in this world, not because I really want to be a good person does that make me a bad person? pic unrelated

You know in berserk that one scene where griffith is all fuarrrked up in the wagon and then he sees an idealized version of himself looking down at him and asking him what the hell he's doing there being crippled and fuarrrked up? That's how I get through my day. Except I'm not crippled and fuarrrked up. I'm still moderately healthy.

>>51581 I see where you are coming from and in that aspect, That doesn't make you good or bad. You just gotta do what you gotta do. Your actions are good, they don't need to be what defines you. I was going to sage this post because I wanted to laugh at the pic (it's so dumb I love it), but your dilemma is interesting. >>51095 >I am curious what the final form will be Betting on Incoherent splurging. He just gets more interesting by the posts.

I find sadness and ethereality very compelling. Something about the dark 'not there' between memories, dreams, reality... It's very easy to give into that and feel caressed. By 'not there' between memories, i mean dreams of sorts but which are present in our conscious sight of the world. Things like how you remember someone looking -- how you remember highschool in a single second -- things which are not singular memories but a non existent amalgamation, possibly organized/created through dreams. It's very cold, but it's also very warm. Stepping into that ethereal realm helps in moments of weakness. Listening to cold music, viewing cold and dark art, consuming long -- well you get the point. I like darkness for this reason.

Jesus Christ saved me when there was nothing left of me.

Like the rest of you liars, the fear of pain during dying.

knowledge that the feeling would pass.

Videogames. I hated my life and wished I was dead, and wondered if I should actually die, but there were some games I was looking forward to that I hadn't played yet, so that seemed like enough of a reason to keep living.

>>51089 Lot of things over time, depending. The core of it I think is dissociation and that I'm not one single, unified person. I split into piece and have a divided mind, and used to think of myself as a we more than an I. When one can't bear the truth or go on, either I diminish my awareness or another thing steps in or provides something to help. There are several layers. I basically cut ties with everyone I knew, isolated, and wiped my memory for 10 years. I thought this would relieve my burdens and free me from myself, and it did to an extent, but in truth I remained miserable but just didn't truly understand why. the horror of finally realizing you can't remember your childhood, can;t remember much of anything, and are basically just a golem, a contrived and incomplete being, is profound. Then learning to feel emotions again, recognize facial expressions, see your reflection in others, and so on. Yeah, this life is fuarrrked. Degif'd and made OP pic into a webm for the hell of it.

>>51089 By convincing myself that hell would be worse than what I was going through.

>>52143 Made another, not quite as faithful to the original.

>>51089 Music, books and tea. Sometimes when I fall the darkest hour which cannot be cured by above things, I write a suicide note. Not for suiciding. I wrote everything what I'm feeling and suffered by what now. That makes me be consoled well. >But I'm not looking forward to my life will be better than now though. :/

>>51089 The people around me and looking forward to enjoying new games or films.

>>51089 Good anime and emotional support from strangers on imageboards.

Green fields and death. More specifically the space between dreams, the memories we construct to quickly access information -- the subconscious and its creations. I want to die on a grassy area. Grass for miles. Maybe on a mountain, but definitely in an area where my view is unobstructed. I want to know I'm in the middle of nowhere, or at least surrounded by empty space. And I want a daughter accompanying my passing. I wish to raise her until she is atleast twenty or so. I want to know she is moving beyond my body when I pass, looking 'behind' us at the known lands I come from, although not visible now, and for me to look at the lands far off in the distance which she will know and explore. I wish for the chain to be such. I wish to gaze upon the land she'll walk to mostly alone, as it is with us humans, surrounded by grass and my body long in the distance. To be more specific, I desire a calm. I wish to have the internet, my memories, history in general -- all of this wrapped up in myself and computers, all inside a house in this quiet field where isolation reigns supreme. I don't mean real isolation, just the sort we get when we are deeply into something. I wish her to have that. This wish of death and later life, as you surely realize, seems a mix of genuine physical desire and metaphorical desire. It comes from the land which keeps me interested in myself and the world at large, the land who creates such odd connections and memories. The land which, when thinking upon Highschool, gives me non existent memories that convey the emotion and lessons of the time. That place of mind, or perhaps out of mind, is too good a comfort.

My mom. Not because she did anything in particular, but because she is a good person who is worn down by a hard life, and her continued suffering makes my angry. I work so I can provide her with a better life.

Exercise has really helped to clear my head in bad times.

Learning MRI software for a big project has been really interesting.

I am high as fuarrrk fels good.

A quote. To shine like the Sun you must first burn like it. However this seems very self destructive in the long runand I have a feeling I've been living like that for too long and my burnout point is getting closer.

Breaking constipation. Laying a literal ostrich egg of sh1t made me feel like a was reborn. Right after I dropped the bomb, I finished reading two books about chemistry, one about medicine, ran for 20 kilometres straight, successfully synthesized a highly explosive substance and built a smoker grill.

>>51089 I had some books I wanted to finish reading and by the time I got done reading them I enjoyed being alive again. Also slowly realizing that it wasn’t my fault my life was fuarrrked but rather the fault of my ex girlfriend who abused the ever living soykaf out of me.

>>51089 Escapism in a dark room at my desk. Without it, being forced to face reality. I seriously doubt I'll be able to handle it this time.