Do you ever feel like

you wasted your childhood? I hear people talking about their memories, and I feel like I experienced nothing like this. It was pretty normal in primary school, just going out for entire day even, but after that it felt apart. Friends started to focus on alcohol and parties, I wasn't much into that and just started to get more and more shut in. Sometimes when I watch media I wish it was different, but now I feel like it's too late for that

>>49426 fuarrrk no. Primary school was a jungle where bullies drove me into breakdowns which then would encourage more bullying. Middle school was filled with party animal dudebros and vain emo thots, just further feeding into the vitriol I had for everybody and everything. Sure, I didn't have to put up with job and taxes and politics going to soykaf back then but it was still worse. It took me so long to recover from it all to be socially functional I could not be more glad it's behind me.

>>49426 I mean, I do relate to that, but in my view there's no point on dwelling on it. It's not like you can do anything about it now, but you can about the future, so focus on that. I'm pretty sure one way or the other we have all regrets about things we didn't do, but then again isn't it just cope? It's saying that if I did things differently at 'x' it would be better, which might be true, but we experience countless moments that can be classified as 'x' few months or years from now. So focus on them.

>>49426 Educationally, partially. I wouldn't choose to go to/participate in a similar educational system again. Otherwise, no. The distance I bridged between where I'm now and where I was born is pretty huge. So I at least got away with some fundamentals and some street smarts. Just resent the technologically unhelpful education I got, stuff like how my framing of historic world events is clumsy and skewed.

>>49426 I feel like you, I have some precious memories though. That countryside shop of specific smell with a faulty fluorescent tube, sweets, ice cream and things like that my aunt used to take me to. I also remember that warm day and beautiful orange light and sunsets. My friend who used to be normal, my friends who used to care. Long summer evenings. Everything but that was a waste which shaped me as a person I am currently. Don't get too fixed on what media shows you though, it's all a lie to promote a certain lifestyle. You can still find a way in life, that's what I'm trying to do now.

A bit, but I had no way to have the perspective I have now back then. So knowing what would've been a better (or more fun) use of my time or knowing how to play the social game enough to just cruise by unimpaired now doesn't really help me all that much. I figured out the latter in the end, but knowing it from the start would've saved me time and annoyance.

>>49430 I have some good memories too, but it's mostly from younger age. A bunch from older age, mostly when meeting friends from online Still, a lot feels like void.

>>49426 Yep, definitely. Don't even remember it tbqh.

>>49426 Maybe you just enjoy being alone and outside of social life. Being introverted is not a bad thing. Especially if you find enjoyment in your own way.

My childhood was such a stressful hellhole. To this day i dont understand it. I have perpetually abandoned notions of "adulthood" and responsibility. I feel like im constantly trying to go back because i missed childhood. I have a "job" and a place to live, i refuse to complicate it more than that.

No, I didnt waste my childhood. I was a child, so it was my parents' fault that i had a bad childhood and then grew up to be maladjusted

Yup I wasted it. Totally. It's pretty fuarrrked I'm pretty behind

>>49426 Childhood? No. Adulthood? Yes. From 29-35 I spent that time focusing on my career instead of dating and forming relationships. Now, I feel like I missed my opportunity at finding a stable relationship and starting a family. While I was able to handle the lockdowns without any issues because I conditioned myself to solitude, I made myself look more desirable (focusing on self reliance, increasing my investment portfolio's, etc.) to prospective partners, I get a nagging thought in the back of my head that if I were to meet someone that the love wouldn't be real. Like, they don't love me, only what I can provide them.

>>49556 This is something I've been realizing myself lately. For the longest time I blamed myself for missing out on every formative experience growing up. Never had friends, never slept over at someone's house, never went into town unless it was with family, never had that awkward first relationship, etc. But lately I've been looking back and realizing that I had some really abusive people in my life, even going back to toddlerhood. So I can't blame myself for the way I grew up. Still, pointing fingers at the right people doesn't get me anywhere. It's not like I can make them un-abuse me or give me my childhood back. If my work schedule permitted it then I'd go see a shrink, but I'm not even sure how much good that'll do.

>>49560 Same deal here. I tried to blame and punish my mother, but then I realized I'm still basing my actions around her and in some twisted sense trying to get her to "release" me from whatever. Trying to demand what I didn't get in childhood, which obviously is impossible, she's not capable of giving it, and I'm no longer capable of receiving. So it is pointless.

>>49558 >I get a nagging thought in the back of my head that if I were to meet someone that the love wouldn't be real. Like, they don't love me, only what I can provide them. That's why friends with benefits is ftw

My whole life has been a waste. Overprotective mother and neglectful father made me live a life of lonliness.

>>49560 I didn't realise until I was almost in my late 20s, when I finally moved out of home. We can be completely blinded to such things. >>49561 Your mother can blame her mother, and so on. There is no blame, but it can be freeing to realise that you can release yourself from blame too.

>>49577 >>49426 >wasted That's a pretty subjective term. I mean I spent my entire childhood basically living as a shut in like Lain gaming all the time. The reason I did that was partly because I detested my peers. >Friends started to focus on alcohol and parties, I wasn't much into that and just started to get more and more shut in. At one point I hated myself for this feeling like a jaded outcast hikki neet with no friends. Then once I started going out more I realized the people I knew were fuarrrking retards. I don't regret being a recluse all things considered. Plus the vidya I played was phenomenal I had the time of my life. >>49427 Yeah the public school system was hell. The people were asshole dudebros and whores. Total airheads. >>49560 Yeah I was raised by a sociopathic single mom and had that same experience as an outcast loner. But I had a blast on Xbox Live back in the day and that I'll never forget. Those memories are more dear and special than if I had gone over to play beer bong and participate in an orgy with the retards from my highschool. >>49576 Tell me about it. I had an overprotective single mom and never knew my dad. https://twitter.com/drwarrenfarrell/status/973652852714364928 This book was a life changer though. Summed up my life. Yeah absent fathers and overprotective mothers is what makes incels, mentally ill outcasts, or criminals. >>49577 My grandmother was a drunk who would beat her kids. No surprise my mom became a sociopath. Most family dysfunction is generational.

>>49506 This. I had some low points. But the time I had with video games was the best ever.

>>49503 >Still, a lot feels like void. Well, of course, that's how life works. You can still catch up by watching a slice of life anime, they're a good childhood substitute.

No. I do have regrets about extending my childhood beyond its normal boundaries. Childhood was a fun, careless time for me (the bits I remember anyway) and it took too long a time for me to accept that I am mature. I like maturity.

have you ever heard of covert narcissism ? Prof. Sam Vaknin is really insightful on the matter

>>49594 Is that you Sam?

>>49594 >covert narcissism I'm reading about it now and it seems completely unrelated to the thread. Also that "diagnosis" seems to be made up bullshit. https://www.healthline.com/health/covert-narcissist#fantasies >People with covert narcissism generally spend more time thinking about their abilities and achievements than talking about them. They might seem smug or have a “I’ll show you” attitude. >“They may withdraw into fantasy, into an inner narrative world that’s not equivalent to reality, where they have inflated importance, powers, or a specialness that is opposite of what their actual life is like,” Joseph says. Oh no fantasy, why aren't you a NPC with blank TV noise in your head all the time?

>>49599 Well, while I agree with you that sometimes narcissistic defenses are necessary, that way of functioning can also be quite damaging.

>>49427 Pretty much this, its 10 years of being a verbal and physical punching back locked up in part time prison for children, then they wonder why people are so effed up. >>49435 This right here, thinking back and wondering is at best accedemic exercise, mental masturbation at worst. >>49579 >At one point I hated myself for this feeling like a jaded outcast hikki neet with no friends. Then once I started going out more I realized the people I knew were fuarrrking retards. I don't regret being a recluse all things considered. Plus the vidya I played was phenomenal I had the time of my life. Being in my 30s now i can so relate to that, i went trough depressive neet/hikki hell before i could even go outside. Most people really are just shallow idiot assholes that arent worth being around at all, read a book or go for a hike or paint a picture or whatever. Its beyond me how people can get so damn excited over playing pingpong for hours and think this is a great way to spend time. >Yeah the public school system was hell. The people were asshole dudebros and whores. Total airheads. I went to a private school later on, it was less bad, but not much better, i think you get what i mean.

Lol i feel like an outcast here, had no issues with school. Bullies were no issue either. Just gotta enjoy some fighting. Also played mtg, warhammer and d&d instead of partying. There are always alternative circles. I think not being on social media was worse than not partying for keeping contact though i do use pseudo social media in form of friend lists in games like bnet and lol and some people email me still. That aside you always want people around because you cant do soykaf alone. And no you dont have to like them, its a social skill to get along with anyone to get the things done you want. You dont need einstein to go mountain biking nor does it matter if the people party into coma as long as they can help you with what you want to get done.

>49426 YES. EVERYDAY, EVERYTIME. Not only childhood but also nowadays. Everything is regret and waste for me include what I do now. I always remind what did I say, think and act. I try to fix my mistakes but there's no better progress. I'm still sunken in same level. No difference when I was young. Everything is and was waste. There's no exception for me. And I hope you won't regret anything what you did and will do. Please don't regret. Spent your time to fix instead of regret.

I didn't waste my childhood, none of us did. Our childhoods, teen years, and adult life have been wasted by the extremely atomized society of late capitalism.

>>49722 Correct. School is almost exactly a prison used to train you to submit to a 9-5 slave lifestyle

>>49722 No, I wasted my childhood. They tried to waste it for me, so I did it my own way instead. Destroying my health was how they successfully wasted my life however.

>>49850 Your school is soykaf because of le social justice no tard left behind. They couldn't educate the dumb kids so they brought the smart kids down and graded on a curve for equality. Its completely devoid of capitalism. The only thing capitalism touched is that you are kept financially illiterate.

>>49722 Good post. The school system is a machine.

>>49426 I've fallen into such despair before. At some point you must realize you are yourself now and never were before. As in you don't remember all the past. There are funny, great, and sad, things you have no memory of. Playdates and the like completely forgotten. You lived so many days as youth that it's impossible to know for sure you wasted it without any merit. After I graduated highschool, I had been feeling somewhat soykaf -- well very soykaf -- but as time went on I realized I forgot a lot. Looking through pictures there were so many days I can't place. This begs the question, how much should we care about such past selves? They're not us. If they were us they'd remember the things we want to see now. How many days would I kill to see again which I've now forgotten? Live the present. You must do this. There is no cop out. Even those who lived 'perfect' lives in their teenage years forget it, and often have wants. Live in one moment with the great mother, not in many false moments which never existed. Your memories are likely bullshit, at least with how you remember them. Feel the kernels of meaning they constitute, sort it all out. What is your mind meaning by remembering events such? What did it mean by the amalgamations it has created? Do sleep and drugs if need be. Figure out what your memories are trying to tell you. Do not let sadness persuade you to hate yourself, sadness is a gift, eventually sadness will subside and you'll miss some of it.

>>50162 >At some point you must realize you are yourself now and never were before. As in you don't remember all the past. There are funny, great, and sad, things you have no memory of. Playdates and the like completely forgotten. You lived so many days as youth that it's impossible to know for sure you wasted it without any merit. One thing I think it's good to realize is that everyone doesn't remember things equally. I'm an extremely neurotic person, among other things this means I tend to remember negative experiences. Sometimes it's useful to take a step back mentally and realize you're thinking about something that happened a decade ago and that absolutely no-one but you has thought about since. >>49722 >I didn't waste my childhood, none of us did. Our childhoods, teen years, and adult life have been wasted by the extremely atomized society of late capitalism. There's no such thing as a non 'capitalist' system, the term is useless except as an indicator of the people who use it.

>>50163 >One thing I think it's good to realize is that everyone doesn't remember things equally. That and it's been scientifically proven dreams and time can mess up our memories. We build profiles of people in our head, for understanding them, and those profiles can seep into our old memories. Dreams, likely a form of memory organization, likewise interfere with memory. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, or extremes on both ends of severity for this effect, but the effect exists in the vast majority of humans. So whatever you remember should be seen as a tool to your present self foremost. Not an accurate or true statement of your past. That should help anyone a lot. It's really enlightening to re-remember days I thought I never had -- to realize my dreams of a childhood friend doing this with me, or that with me, etc, already happened and requires no wish fulfillment. How much have you forgotten? It's probably an incredible amount.

>>50171 >I'm sure there are exceptions to this, or extremes on both ends of severity for this effect, Yeah- I recognize when I attempt to remember something in which some details are not 100% certain, and utterly refrain from mentally filling in those details, for risk of overwriting them. Instead I just consider those details as 'incomplete', because otherwise there are a handful of memories that I forgot the full picture to before I realized this nature of memory.

>>50163 >There's no such thing as a non 'capitalist' system Yes there is.

>>50163 >There's no such thing as a non 'capitalist' system, the term is useless if that is so, then it is odd that some people feel such a need to defend "capitalism" from the supposed hordes of commies.

>>50202 Because the hordes of commies are just robbers hiding behind fake virtue. Pursuing free soykaf by taking it from others with "sharing is cool maan" is still a capitalist mindset. People who are actually altruistic are almost nonexistent.

>>50208 This is just silly. The communist argument isn't that they want free stuff, it's that people aren't paid what they deserve and there's a very big inequality in distribution of econmic power. And I agree with that because while I can absolutely believe a company founder can earn more and is more important than other employees if he's good enough, the fact that you have people who own dozen of billions while one of the most valueable wage worker maybe gets paid 100k should point that something isn't right. And saying that people lack empathy could also be caused by that. The system is inherently competitve and usually the people who suceed in such places aren't the one who are nice and caring. But that doesn't prove things have to be that way, just that we have set them to be that way and you have these people push these values from the top to the bottom.

>>50202 >why are people against an ideology that enables them being robbed and doesn't have a single good example in all of its history and whose most fundamental argument is violence You sure got me there. >>50210 No, it's simply about power and is a mean to that end. You can give all the platitudes about principles you like but that's all bullshit. The hilarious thing is communist try to wrap it up in some kind of moral argument but the fact is you're only allowed and even encouraged to have this opinion because it's largely sterile and is a good tool for dividing and distracting the working class.

>>50208 I don't want to derail the thread so I'll just say that you should study marxist theory because you're spreading misinformation fed to you by the corporate media. Do not reply to this post.

>>49426 You are looking at a time period prior to "knowing". It can't be helped, but you should try to avoid looking backwards. Only forwards. Ask yourself what you want, write it down, and then work towards those things and check them off as time goes on. Looking back can be useful for understanding what went wrong, but if you used it for that purpose, you likely wouldn't be talking about this. >>50208 Capitalists and marxists (and all the derivatives, which I will) are all just materialist scumbags. Actual marxists just hate the concept of natural order and think that we, "the so much more enlightened of all animals", should be working towards that kind of thing because they have a bad case of presentism and hold a very anthropocentric worldview. The assumption that human beings are superior because of what humans deem to be "good" is a tautology. The majority of the problems you have come from the liberal worldview, aka the ideology that won in the 20th century. Don't get me wrong, marxism is wrong, too. Its based around preservation and a certain assumption. The sad reality that marxists reject is that marxism becomes communism which then becomes dictatorship. There will be a hiearchy, it is unavoidable. It's the natural order. Not that modern marxists really follow Marx in any meaningful way. The ones that have read it misinterprete it or just use it as a vehicle for their, ironically, liberal ideas. You find me a marxist, I'll show you a liberal who cares about whats in their own wallet compared to everyone elses. You find me a communist, I'll show you an extremely individualistic, materialistic, and militiant liberal.

>>50208 You haven't answered the question. You have said why people supposedly hate commies but you have not said why people feel the need to defend capitalism from them, if commies *are* capitalist. >Pursuing free soykaf by taking it from others with "sharing is cool maan" is still a capitalist mindset. I don't think most economists, or really anybody who studies political science seriously, would agree with that. >People who are actually altruistic are almost nonexistent. I disagree. >>50217 again, I asked why people want to defend capitalism, not why they dislike communism.

>>50224 because "defending capitalism from commies" is nothing more than defending your own wallet. People don't aim to preserve ideals but simply their own benefits and that applies to both sides. In general you can safely assume slogans are just tools and not the goal. People are rarely honest when it comes to campaigning. >I don't think most economists, or really anybody who studies political science seriously, would agree with that. And i dont think people in either sector are worth a penny. These people are only employed for parroting established opinion and rogue ideas are punished by ostracism like some high school club. Cherry on top are all these poor economists. Hey i totally understand econ just ignore im forever poor.

>>50217 >No, it's simply about power and is a mean to that end. You can give all the platitudes about principles you like but that's all bullshit. Can't this be said about everything? Every belief or thought can be used to justify power in some way or form. Even this one does, since believing there can be no different world or we are all selfish kinda justifies the status quo. It's a kind of argument that really in the end says nothing.

>>50224 Your 'argument' is completely specious.

>>50219 >study their book mistake to assume theory equals application or that they even read it themselves.

>>50227 >because "defending capitalism from commies" is nothing more than defending your own wallet. hmm, quite a nice slogan you have there. >Cherry on top are all these poor economists. Hey i totally understand econ just ignore im forever poor. almost like they are motivated more by the esteem of their peers than by money...

>>50237 or their lack of real understanding makes them incapable of making money... people who dont practice their craft aren't experts, they are larpers.

childhood only exists in the first world in peru and places they just grow old until they're 14 and then they become "useful" for soykaf it's not all this carp like we need to rewatch the movie Big and jerk off and scratch our heads and wonder and 'relive our childhoods' and all this... it's just a construct implanted in you, and it out to be done away with think about this, adults when they can't handle societal pressures have 3 options madhouse/asylum (institution has since eroded -- forced to be homeless) , monastery (do you see anyone signing up?) , or jail (US has largest prison population of any 'civilized' nation on earth) children do not even have those options, everything is forced upon them and they have no recourse, all because they're 'supposed' to 'have a childhood' it's all bull soy kaf, all of it, discard it, burn your teddy, grow way the hell up

>>50239 me make number and line go up, me makum BIG money!!

>>50242 >it's all bull soy kaf, all of it, discard it, burn your teddy, grow way the hell up What do you mean? There is a fourth way~ https://www.littlespaceonline.com/app.php/page/littlespace

>>50242 Adults who cant handle social pressure vanish. They pack their bags and leave for good. Children do this too running away from home. Lack of money makes it just uglier in general.

Could we pretend that the airplanes in the night are shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now wish right now

It’s never too late to change. Nothing is inherently set in stone, but if you give up, then failure will definitely come true.

>Friends started to focus on alcohol and parties And how is that a good thing? Intoxicating yourself to the point it lowers your iq and destroys your gut, causing parasites to have a rapid influx like every other peasant (in the ancient times royals made alcohol to intoxicate the minds of people under their control). You see it's still the same, and most people who do alcohol and parties actually have lost their past memories that they don't even remember soykaf they did a week ago if you asked them and it baffles me how common this soykaf is with commoner peasants. >Sometimes when I watch media I wish it was different, but now I feel like it's too late for that Looks like the subliminal is working, fear that you are missing out, fear consume fear consume fear consume fear consume. > I hear people talking about their memories, and I feel like I experienced nothing like this. Does it matter? All will fall anyways. What only matters is how much you have cultivated yourself for the next life. You can always feel a shared experience just go to some rock concerts. bar parties or whatever. I also think these people aren't actually talking about good memories, just the times they're with these "others" they are talking with and usually that "other" probably don't even remember the events clearly, which doesn't matter. Maybe what matters is if you have connections or if you can make connections as an advantageous tool for you but you can build professional connections with better people any time and at some point you won't even need any with these "school friends" you're talking about which are probably just your discord buddies. Maybe if these friends are people from harvard maybe, just maybe the connections might prove to be useful but usually it's a no. The thing that matters more is learning and travel. These are the only things that sharpen the mind and you can do it solo.

>>51088 Solo travel in the evenings make me realize how detached I am from reality, without good memories, experiences, all the time alone. It does not give me satisfaction in the long run, I was somewhere, what I saw and came back. The negatives of this obscure the positives of sightseeing.

For a long time I didn't get the opportunity many of you seem to despise: school. My 'education' was informal (read: being given textbooks and told to teach myself), with only a few years of actual attendance at a institute in my later teens before being overwhelmed and dropping out. Even if it meant bullying, I probably would have preferred it to the alternative I got given if it meant I could socialize. By the time I got the chance to attend a school the damage was already done. I _couldn't_ socialize with the other kids. Interacting with other people was just too foreign a concept. Imagine living your formative years in a family of neets who all hate each other and rarely spoke to one another, either because of that hatred or because some members were mentally disabled--think asperger’s and chronic depression--and then one day being thrown into the schooling system. In my formative years I had no opportunity to socialize or learn. The result was that computers were my childhood--were my parents, but because of the lack of guidance this degenerated into video games and anime. I have more memories of video games and anime than I do of "real life" things. I hate the childhood I was given. I regret everything. If you're still young enough to be attending a school at least know that it's better than living like a neet. Please stay in school and do your best. Life gets better after school _if_ you have an education. It gets worse if you lack that. At least my miserable experience seems to suggest that...

>>51097 The only good times are the days that you feel like you could live in that day forever. At least that's my base line. These good times are things that you would barely remember at all when you're in your worst or problematic times but they do exist somewhere at the back of your mind but if they don't then why not make it with others. Fun fact is people actually gain more problems (and responsibilities) as they grow so the carefree childhood past could be a good memory. Most people are preoccupied by bad memories or the problems they are currently dealing with so they tend to attach to quick getaways like drugs and the usual alcohol. I think the real problem you have is more of about how you're less grateful than what you have but I can guess "depressed/detached autists" are always in such state but they clearly are more priviliged than the average physically or mentally crippled individual or children who grew inside hospitals. I find it sad that people ask for "more" when some people have dead ass nothing I guess that's just the greedy nature. >The negatives of this obscure the positives of sightseeing. That could be applied in general not just sightseeing but what happens actually is negatives are much more remembered by our minds for survival mechanism and barely people would evolve from positive memories, at least you could sit down and meditate about the positive memories you had like your carefree childhood running in the bushes, back when everything was a "first time" for you, I guess that's a good exercise to have a base line for good memories and you should write them down in some journal. >without good memories, experiences, all the time alone. You probably realize by now that good experiences are created with others but learning can be done solo (which is more important but how important is it really when the lower than average IQ can live their lives happily?), maybe if you can't afford another companion you could channel this over maybe get a pet dog or cat, and if it's not allowed by your apartment go birdwatching when you're doing solo-travel or maybe go build some garden at your backyard, you may also go volunteering, go planting etc. You need gratitude and appreciation with the simplest things and you will achieve happiness.

>life begins when you turn 18 >life begins when you graduate hs >life begins when you move out >life begins when you finish college >life begins at 30 >life begins at middle age >life begins at retirement if you are ever unsatisfied with your life just remember it hasn't started yet

>>51294 >TFW your life begins when your life ends

I keep thinking about the days of being a young underage teen on 4chan, reading the early-20s anons blogs, feeling like life wasn't that bad because I still had several years until I was on their level. Now, if that were today, those people would have been born around the year 2000. The "old" ones. I feel totally content with my life, socializing with internet friends, though being a loner irl. But it does feel a bit like the life-long thought of "I'll kill myself before I'm x years old" is approaching really fast and it's a little spooky. I visualize it like a scene from a movie. Day after day rushing by, week after week, each frame, like a time lapse, month after month after month, season after season, year after year. I just kinda sat there at a desk, perfectly still. In a room. Staring at rectangular portal to some digital place that maybe doesn't exist. It's hard to say if I regret it though. Life feels fine in the moment. It's impossible to know what it would be like had I not become a hikikomori NEET as a young teen. All I know for sure is the internet friends and positive experiences I have now would all be gone.

I would describe my childhood as mixed, lots of good memories and formative experiences but also things I would completely change. School is soykaf, the worst people in my life have been my peers in education, they fuarrrked my prospects with the damage they dealt.

Yeah, could have gone so different. I had a decent childhood but it was definitely forgettable, I don't really miss it I just regret I wasted the time on pointless stuff. You kinda need some outside motivation to thrive as a child/teen though, my parents kinda stopped pushing me to do my best at some point, being lower middle class here means you aren't expected to excel in extracurricular stuff and the school didn't have any inspiring figures around. And then of course you have the teen love meme, I was in an all male school so things could have gone a lot worse but surely that counts as wasted childhood anyway.

Make changes for the future, don't dwell on the before.

>>50244 This is one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen posted here, does anyone really do this beyond using it as an age play kink???

>>52995 >>51065 nothing to do nothing to change. Hate this advice. theres nothing i can possibly do because i cant find anything to want to do

>you wasted your childhood? I wasted my childhood being a temperamental creative kid. Wouldn't be much anyway. Neglected my studies, were constantly on a turmoil, passed through some traumatizing stuff that made me increasingly more of an outfit for society. Had some good times but it were all very bland and idiotic, nothing very good marked my character in childhood. Now I'm here working like a pack mule in a job I don't like, tired, poor, wasting my time forever. Never got the timing, never will get. Since 2012, everything is too fuarrrking late, the world is not even enjoyable in almost any sense, even when you have actual money to spend. Not giving up, tho. I know I'm not going to enjoy my life for the next 20 years, so I will try my hardest to buy land, build my fort and resume being a temperamental creative person that owes nothing because have already gave much. In a way, we'll always remain kids if our innermost passion isn't realized.