I think I have a mental illness part 4 or 3

Sorry I keep venting about this but this has fuarrrked up a large portion of my life. Pun not intended. The nervous reaction I have had to this stimuli has been pretty bad. I just looked at a bunch of bellystuffing pictures on Google images and twitter. I was looking at them for around 4 Ours and I wasn't even aroused. I kept thinking the phrase "this is just distended bellys", "this is not sexual". Alas it just felt like a porno binge which I have done a lot when I was younger. It makes kind of hate my self. But I did it for a reason. It was to tell myself that this isn't weird or sexual, it is just a fetish some have. That not all bellies or tummies are stuffed with food. Etc.

A stuffed belly is very uncomfortable, and women who have very uncomfortable bellies is a turnoff.

>>49295 >I wasn't even aroused. Were you aroused at the beginning of your 4 hour binge, and after 30 minutes or so your boner went away? If you were able to spend 4 hours looking at your belly-stuffing porn without getting bored, you definitely were aroused. >"this is not sexual" It isn't sexual to most people, but it is sexual to you. What would you do if you had "cured" yourself of this "disorder"? Would you instantly have normal sex and a fulfilling relationship? What would you do if you were never "cured", would you be able to make this less-than ideal personality work for you without killing yourself from the weight of the shame? >that this isn't weird or sexual, it is just a fetish some have. It is both weird and sexual, but would you be wiling to admit that to yourself? Would you be willing to come to terms with all of your fapping sessions, and this sick perverse joy you've been living off of for all of your sexually active life? >fuarrrked up a large portion of my life. What "life" did this fuarrrk up?

>>49297 >Were you aroused at the beginning of your 4 hour binge, and after 30 minutes or so your >boner went away? If you were able to spend 4 hours looking at your belly-stuffing porn >without getting bored, you definitely were aroused. No boner. Only went one of girls did something hot or they looked cute. >It isn't sexual to most people, but it is sexual to you. That is what I am trying to reverse. What would you do if you had "cured" >yourself of this "disorder"? Would you instantly have normal sex and a fulfilling relationship? >What would you do if you were never "cured", would you be able to make this less-than ideal >personality work for you without killing yourself from the weight of the shame? No it would take away the discomfort. >It is both weird and sexual, but would you be wiling to admit that to yourself? It isn't sexual, it merely an over consumption of food. The over consumption of food causing gastral distention. The over doing it, big gluttonous distended bellies and being overly full is the appeal of the fetish. These are merely traits of a person gorging themselves to a far extreme. None of it sexual and that why it a paraphilia. >Would you be >willing to come to terms with all of your fapping sessions, and this sick perverse joy >you've been living off of for all of your sexually active life? I never really masturbated to it into very recently. I didn't really indulge in it. Masturbating to it made me want to distance it from my self and thought processes. I think the disconnection I made have been reconnected and this worries me. A lot has been ruined for me by the sure concept that I might be aroused by it because of bellystuffing.

>>49297 Actually I think it was arousal based because I reinstalled the fetish again. More as if I was solidifying it via masturbating. Masturbation is a strong conditioner.