/vent/

I've been unable to think creatively recently.

Ever since i cast aside the desires and expectations that no longer served me i have become so much happier.

>>35761 Take a break, relax, do some non-mind numbing exercises, maybe play some games or watch a new movie. If you don't relax and take breaks you will strain your creativity and hurt yourself by constantly trying.

>>35775 This seems more /tnev/ than /vent/.

>>35781 >do some non-mind numbing exercises, reasonable >maybe play some games or watch a new movie. oh no no no most games and movies are mindnumbing and if you do look for quality you probably consumed them already. Especially games train people into npc behaviour. Where people used to discover things and learn you now have a meta and guides everyone follows braindead and those who dont get punished.

>>35797 I should offer a solution instead of just naysaying: Do art exercises in your downtime and if you wanna be more creative look at others work and mesh elements into your own collage. Creativity is mostly just recombination of already known elements. So one way to get better is extend your mental library of how you could do things by looking at how others are doing it.

>>35797 Regardless, don't reject entertainment outright, there is plenty to find in there in terms of relaxation, coping, let alone inspiration and even practice. Personally, I find video games to be particularly potent. Shooter games in general have actually improved my hand-eye coordination and spatial thinking, which in turn improved my drawing skills; fighting games have improved my reaction time, and their art and spritework in particular are an absolute goldmine if you're into character design and animation; arena shooters taught me the concept of flow and basically took me outside of my psychological comfort zone where everything had to be slow-paced and calculated, cultivating confidence and reliance on your five senses and intuition so as to bring about this sense of flow (that's the best way I can phrase it, really); RPGs exposed me to fictional worlds that continue to entertain my imagination to this day, as well as to a plethora of characters, designs, narratives, artstyles that absolutely influence my creative work. >most games and movies are mindnumbing and if you do look for quality you probably consumed them already Nothing is truly "mindnumbing", I suppose. Still, I'd like to emphasize the "most" in your post, and point to what >>35801 said. Exposing yourself to new experiences and more creative work is invaluable for improving your own creative work. Limiting yourself by saying "Oh I've consumed all that's truly worth it" is, for one, detrimental to you as an artist. >Where people used to discover things and learn you now have a meta and guides everyone follows braindead and those who dont get punished Well, "metas" and guides have always existed in gaming and in any activity, for that matter. You could stumble into CS series without any regard for the mechanics of movement and aiming and miss all your shots and do bad at the game as a result, or you could learn the ropes and play much better than the majority of players, and then move on to strategies and knowledge that's more complex, if you so wish. You could pick up a brush and try to understand how to hold it, how to mix paints, how to put down marks that'd most accurately reflect what you see in front of yourself or imagine in your mind and more, all by yourself. For years. In vain. Actually, some of these questions may not even occur to you, and you'd instead be confronted with a simplified notion of "I am bad at this". Or, you could ask an artist, pick up a guide, watch others paint and see how they do it, realize the technicality of the process, see it as a multitude of smaller tasks to be practiced, and now all of a sudden everything is much easier: you know your problems and you know how to meliorate them. Having learned the fundamentals of an activity, you will end up having more fun with it, as well as more creative freedom. It becomes limiting only if you don't stray away from it in any way.

>>35797 What a bunch of bullshit.

>>35761 You'll likely find these two books useful. "The Art Spirit" deals with the inner drive of the artist and the pitfalls of art making. "The War of Art" is about forms of resistance faced by artists, entrepreneurs, athletes, and others who are trying to break through creative barriers. Also, here's an interesting study about visual creativity. Summary: >To investigate the cognitive processes underlying creative inspiration, we tested the extent to which viewing or copying prior examples impacted creative output in art. >(...) >These experiments revealed that deep encounters with unfamiliar artworks — whether through copying or prolonged observation — change people’s cognitive representations of the act of drawing to produce novel artwork. Besides obvious (but often neglected) things like exercise and good sleep, it seems that deep observation/analysis/copying of unfamiliar artwork makes your brain think more creatively, as opposed to encountering familiar artwork, or merely thinking about creating something novel. I don't know how well these results would apply to other domains of creativity, but they might be relevant there as well. If you're having trouble procrastinating, or lack the habit to enter a concentrated state where you can produce your best possible work, you might find these two books useful as well, (and for the many other topics they cover): >>>/tech/33393 >>>/tech/33397

>>35811 Both posts were from me as hinted in the first sentence on second post. I think any activity where you dont have to think about what to do falls under mindnumbing. Movies can break this by presenting interesting new ideas to ponder. The average movie however has a predictable plot and new movies just repeat that same pattern. There are ~1-2 good movies a year that are interesting which is why i was saying its not enough for a regular past time activity. You are certainly right that fps will improve your mouse handling but why would you use a mouse? Most digital artists use a tablet. In general the people who draw all day seem to do much better than the people who have a live outside drawing. That doesnt mean you have to follow them but it suggest to me that investing more time is likely a better option to doing fun stuff if your goal is to get better at drawing. Onto the meta topic: You're talking about core gameplay when you talk about aiming / movement / other mechanics. Meta is higher level decision making like character & weapon selection as well as playstyle choices like team composition. CS doesnt have much you can do visibly wrong and thats arguably why it doesnt happen there. Top-Rankers got derezzed in overwatch&lol despite their success for off meta picks. This didnt happen before. In mmos you wont even get invited to raids if you play "wrong" and if you wanna raid everyone just tells you to watch the guide. I think wow is also a good illustration of the mental shift as it ran over a decade now and the change in the game seems representative of the industry. The game started out with "heres a quest text telling you about a secret cave, use the hints to find it" to "follow the waypoint". Guides always existed but we went from optional help on sites to mandatory follow the line ingame. I wrote most cause there are good games out there and even among new releases but i cant think of any popular game that breaks this. Lastly i totally agree with taking inspiration from games and i especially like to point here at what the bazblue devs did in converting their 2d style to 3d. They have an interesting gcd talk on youtube. Taking games apart wouldn't fall under playing however. I think the best i got out of gaming was playing them in foreign languages to help learn new languages quicker and making a few friends over playing competitive together i actually even met and partied with irl. >>35823 I bet you watch capeshit

>>35830 my memory is horrible, its guilty gear not bazblue https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhGjCzxJV3E

me: cleans the kitchen and does whatever dishes everyone elsewas too lazy to do, every single night my parents when I go out late: clean the kitchen and leave an obviously symbolic bunch of plates to be cleaned, as if testing whether I really do anything around here

OP here. I just wanted to note, I'm a philosopher by training. Not an artist per se, and I try to stick to the analytical stuff. It requires a good deal of creativity, and hands-down work. I like the creative parts, not so much the hands-down work parts, but they're necessary, so I usually do that, when I'm all creativitied-out. It just is like kicking dead whales down the beach for a few weeks, and then I find an idea I can really work with and everything takes off again. Also: most everything is soykaf. Most popular stuff, too. Almost all popular stuff, if you have higher tastes. I don't mean to say most people have soykaf tastes, but that they're not holding everything to unreasonable standards---some of which are subjective, but valid nonetheless, for evaluating what is good for that individual. But good responses, most of you. Interesting to read, and much of it applicable to me, even if it assumed some things---no big deal, I'm used to adapting analogous things. >>maybe play some games or watch a new movie. >most movies are mindnumbing and if you do look for quality you probably consumed them already. That's actually why connoisseurs--at least I do---love weird stuff ``without a point.'' There may well be a point, but it's not much---the reason we watch, is that there's something in it, and that that something is new. That small kernel of real novelty, can be enough to get my mind going. I've been out of the mood, lately, and as mentioned before, I probably need it---bouts of uncreativy---to complete my work. >Especially games train people into npc behaviour. Where people used to discover things and learn you now have a meta and guides everyone follows 's why I like open-ended games. And screw the guides---figuring stuff out on my own, is one of life's greatest pleasures. Of course, if I'm not thinking creatively, it'll be about as refreshing as checking the refrigerator every 5 minutes. I'd play `story' games, if they were actually dense with interesting new ideas---literature has always been denser. I like solving puzzles, so Portal is nice, and has just enough ideas---vague, so I can always ignore the banal possibilities---that I can notice then ponder after. I probably need a day off: do literally nothing, turn in early, or take a nap. I find that, on the days that I do `warm-up' math exercises first thing in the morning, my mind is clearer through the day. That might just be because I only do them when my mind would be clearer anyway. >a multitude of smaller tasks to be practiced, and now all of a sudden everything is much easier: you know your problems and you know how to meliorate them. That's kinda how every skill works. It's always a combination of many smaller skills. >Besides obvious (but often neglected) things like exercise and good sleep, it seems that deep observation/analysis/copying of unfamiliar artwork makes your brain think more creatively, as opposed to encountering familiar artwork, or merely thinking about creating something novel. Familiarizing oneself with the unfamiliar, is also good generic advice, for any skill. New experiences, deeply analyzed. (It's not just about new experiences, though. We can have a dozen new experiences daily, but none that `stick' because we're not really letting them deep into ourselves, and just letting them pass away when we get the next new experience.) >You are certainly right that fps will improve your mouse handling but why would you use a mouse? Most digital artists use a tablet. I think it's the more general skill of finely reacting to what's on screen.

I'm becoming a Misanthrope I just want humanity to be okay yet everytime I feel like I find any good in humanity it all results back into hatred. It all comes back into a blackhole.

>>35848 >I'm a philosopher by training. Not an artist per se Next time you're at a party or out for a drink, introduce yourself to strangers this way. Come back and report on results.

>>35761 >>35848 Always go back to the fundamentals of your craft and drill them, make sure you understand why they're fundamental and how the more advanced skills/concepts build off from them. "Creativity" isn't something you consciously do, it's something that emerges from your competence at the craft. Whenever I struggle with music I go back to scales, arpeggios, chords and inversions, and run through all the theory. Even if at the end i'm not able to create something, i've at least kept my skills sharp.

>Next time you're at a party or out for a drink, introduce yourself to strangers this way. Come back and report on results. >>I'm a philosopher by training. Not an artist per se XD Will do. I know I wrote it, and in that context it's followed by an ``and,'' but, as an opener, feels like should be followed by a ``but..'' Or I should say it as though like I think they think I'm an artist, and I want to dispel that notion. >I'm a philosopher by training---not an artist per se. Anyway, the following seems perfectly natural: >Always go back to the fundamentals of your craft and drill them, make sure you understand why they're fundamental and how the more advanced skills/concepts build off from them. "Creativity" isn't something you consciously do, it's something that emerges from your competence at the craft. Whenever I struggle with music I go back to scales, arpeggios, chords and inversions, and run through all the theory. Even if at the end i'm not able to create something, i've at least kept my skills sharp. Sorry I'm kinda falling flat, with this response.

>>35860 Go back to the foundational texts of whatever school of philosophy you're working from, read how past philosophers came about their ideas and what methods they used. Look at your previous work and analyze what mistakes you've made, what areas need to be improved and so on. More actionable steps with concrete results, less thinking about how to think (ironic advice for a philosopher i guess)

>>35863 >Look at what outdated fäggots have to say, they understand the modern condition /smug

>>35866 >>Look at what outdated fäggots have to say, they understand the modern condition >neurosuggesting philosophy cares so much about the modern Clamped Beyond Relief! But more to the point, it's important to be familiar with the history of ideas, in a subject, to go over them with fresh, hopefully, perspectives, and to avoid unnecessary rediscovery.

>>35885 yeah also, pretty much all philosophy is done in response to older work, so if you don't understand the old stuff you won't really understand the new stuff.

I just wanna die. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep working in a soykafty call center. I need to be back in school. I can't stand a whole fuarrrking half year of this soykaf. I want to fuarrrking off myself.

I want to die

Hi. I'm suicidal, too. (I'm safe now.) I'm sorry for everything you're going through right now: I pledge, personally, to make absolutely everything better for you, and for the whole world, forever: I'll even do away with air pollution, and save the whales---even the ones that suck. I'm looking at your file right now---Did you know? You are a very good person. I see you did a very good thing last week. That was courageous. You're courageous. I'm proud of you. If you have someone physically near you, preferably someone compassionate, understanding, or open-minded, go to them or have them come to you. Tell them to ensure you are always present. Take a cold shower. Or rinse your face with cold water. If it is safe to do so: tell them that you are suicidal, what methods you have, what plans you have. If you have a psychologist, call them now. Part of their job is to help you during a crisis, to listen to you. Tell them everything. They're there to support you, to help you come to know the best plan of action for you to ensure your well-being. If you think you might do it, go to the emergency room. Call an ambulance if you must. >pretty much all philosophy is done in response to older work, so if you don't understand the old stuff you won't really understand the new stuff. I think you're mistaking literary criticism as philosophy. It's better to start with actual ideas, working backwards in one thread, forwards in another. To start, Phenomenology is phenomenal. To supplement, Formalism is good form.

The end of 2020 is approaching fast. Last year around this time I had a mental breakdown and felt so bad that I was desperate to feel better in some way, and I spent pretty much the whole year exploring around both online and IRL to figure myself out and find help. My problems are pretty much me being a mentally stunted manchild with no soul. I have no character, I enjoy or like nothing, I have no knowledge about anything, I have no skills, I have no hobbies, I have no talents, I can do absolutely nothing. I am incapable of learning anything, I cannot focus on anything, I dropped out of university because I was too stupid and lazy to actually work towards learning anything, and I kept forgetting everything I was supposed to remember for my supposed future. I never had any proper friends and could never keep any because I was afraid of other people, felt unworthy of other people's attention since I could never give anything back because I had nothing to give back to them, had extreme trust issues, many things really. I am incapable of making decisions, carrying things out, sticking with anything, or taking on proper responsibilities. I am incapable of working or taking care of myself, I just sit in my room as NEET and live on my mother's dime. I am pretty much a self-aware and articulate retard. I have felt like this since I was in middle school, and the feeling never changed, I just got older, missed more opportunities, failed at more and more things, but stayed the same otherwise. My primary desire was getting diagnosed for stuff so I can have at least some foundation to know what is wrong with me, instead of self-diagnosing like some tumblr/twitter subhuman that make their ailments part of their identity instead of a blemish on your character that you need to compensate for or heal. There's lots of things that could be wrong with me but I have no concrete proof whether they apply. ADHD for my learning disability, AvPD or schizoid for my personality and relationship problems, inferiority complex and covert narcissism for my view on myself, clinical depression for pretty much everything in total. Now, mental health faculties are quite soykafty at the purported purpose of helping mentally fuarrrked up people, I was getting little help with actually finding people that could help me, took me until July to find a therapist for example, and spent the year visiting a psych every month and a half and being told that I should do what I already know that I need to do without getting any help with it, go find therapist, go take meds, etc., with anything concrete like getting diagnosed falling on deaf ears. My hope was for me to get answers to stuff, but I was continuously misdirected into just carrying on like usual, being told that it isn't as easy as getting interviewed and getting it printed out on a piece of paper, but they didn't want to say what it actually took and what I need to do to get them to do what I wanted from them. There's lots of things I am suspect about that could just be caused by strong long-term depression muddying any "objective" analysis of my mental state, making things quite a bit more difficult. Now after half a year in therapy I can pretty much say that I feel absolutely no different than I was when I started, I got no good advice, I do not feel better, I learned nothing. In my attendance with the psych I cycled through two different antidepressants, both of which didn't work, and I will soonish ask for a third one. I am now working towards getting myself admitted to a mental ward in hopes that they might know what to do with me. I am pretty much at the brink of completely giving up on getting any better, but I am too lazy and afraid of actually killing myself. If I were American I would've gone and bought a gun and blown my brains out years ago. My current strategy is investing the little effort I can into directing my ride in this industry towards something productive or helpful while riding the waves otherwise to see where I go.

Lately I've been wondering if I should set my sights on marriage after I graduate. I have no real life plans or goals, the only thing I am more or less sure about is that I want to move out. Generally speaking, that alone seems like a bad argument in favor of marriage, but I have specific needs and preferences of my own that only marriage can properly satisfy: I wouldn't want to live alone, I'd rather share my duties and enjoy the shared benefits, and I'd rather have me and the cohabitant be tied by a certain contract and a set of expectations that'd promote mutual dependency and effective fulfilment of our duties while making the process of bailing out slow and undesirable for the both of us. Essentially, the marriage I'd prefer is one of convenience, and I'd do my absolute best to be a parasite for as long as I can without raising suspicion. In fact, finding myself a sugar mommy who loves me unconditionally is the best case scenario, and unfortunately, rich sugar mommies who'd favor me are hard to come by. I never cared about romantic relationships, let alone marriage, but it seems that manipulating those who do care is one of the few roads to a relatively carefree life.

>>36125 Hello me a couple years ago, here are some pointers: -You are not severely mentally ill, or "a self aware articulate retard" -Your parents did a horrible job in raising you -You need to learn to be your own father; that is you need to force yourself to take on responsibilities and stick to them -You are capable of learning, you only lack discipline -Therapy will do noting for you, and you are probably lying to your therapist anyway -You can turn your self hatred into motivation to improve Once you have discipline you can achieve anything you want in life. How do you learn discipline? By sticking to things even when you don't want to do them. Step 1: go to sleep and wake up at the same time everyday, stop staying up for multiple days in a row Step 2: make your bed every morning Step 3: fuarrrking shower every day After a while you have a routine going, this is basic soykaf that every adult does but it is teaching you discipline. After you start doing this mundane soykaf every day, you are ready to invest time into actual hobbies/learning a skill. Set a lower limit of time that you will put into your chosen skill every. single. day. This can be as little as 20 minutes if you want, the point of setting a lower limit is that when you get started you won't procrastinate because you think to yourself "well I don't have to spend too long doing this", but in reality most days you will spend hours doing it because you become immersed in the activity and lose track of time. >There's lots of things that could be wrong with me but I have no concrete proof whether they apply. That's beacuse dsm definitions are retarded. By those definitions I have both paranoid and schizoid personality disorders.

>>36128 >Step 3: fuarrrking shower every day A subtle hint that you're a stinking degenerate in case you missed it.

>>36127 > Essentially, the marriage I'd prefer is one of convenience, and I'd do my absolute best to be a parasite for as long as I can without raising suspicion. In fact, finding myself a sugar mommy who loves me unconditionally is the best case scenario, and unfortunately, rich sugar mommies who'd favor me are hard to come by. Why on earth would anyone pick you for this arrangement?

>>36139 Unironically some women find it empowering to have a stay at home husband who raises their children while they get to live out their dreams of being stronk independent business women. Apparently a few of them were mad that it caused their bf/husbands to have an inferiority complex because reversed gender roles in the relationship. source: having to listen to dozens of women discuss stupid soykaf like this all day at work

>>36127 > set of expectations that'd promote mutual dependency NONONONONON...ahahahaha Codependent relationships are a terrible choice.

>>36155 Not if you're openly a parasite.

>>36153 that sounds like a pretty great deal for the guy to be honest, if it weren't for the fact that career-obsessed individuals are usually insufferable. >it caused their bf/husbands to have an inferiority complex because reversed gender roles in the relationship. machismo is a helluva drug. Makes men very fragile, ironically. >>36128 >Set a lower limit of time that you will put into your chosen skill every. single. day. This can be as little as 20 minutes if you want, the point of setting a lower limit is that when you get started you won't procrastinate because you think to yourself "well I don't have to spend too long doing this", but in reality most days you will spend hours doing it because you become immersed in the activity and lose track of time. Very good advice. I've found that actually, programming is the greatest barrier to discipline for me. I keep following these fruitless rabbit holes for hours, whereas the same amount of time spent on dedicated study usually leaves me with a lot more to show for it and a lot less tired (and less eye strain)

>>36163 >fragile You're a retard. There's no such thing.

>>36183 nothing has ever been fragile ever. Of course.

>>36125 >There's lots of things I am suspect about that could just be caused by strong long-term depression muddying any "objective" analysis of my mental state I'd say that a lot of other suspected diagnoses you provided besides depression are in fact symptoms of depression. Much like ADHD, depression can easily mess with your attention span and focus, which in turn affects your learning. Avoiding interaction with others (on account of expecting the worst, I presume) is also very much indicative of depression, particularly such symptoms as lethargy, low energy and anxiety. Inferiority complex coupled with covert narcissism is reflective of depression, I think: all of your thoughts are centered around yourself, all of your issues, pains and the like, that is. Try to look into the root of your depression. Did it just appear on its own or did some event cause it? The original event in question may hold little significance to you now, as odd as it may sound; try to remember what you thought of it at the time. Working out the original issue from which other issues, thoughts and beliefs most certainly stem will help. >>36183 We have another casualty.

>>36185 >>36186 white/male fragility is bs propaganda.

>>36186 >>36185

>>36128 -You are not severely mentally ill, or "a self aware articulate retard" Yeah I disagree. -Your parents did a horrible job in raising you That much is true. -You need to learn to be your own father; that is you need to force yourself to take on responsibilities and stick to them Well, it's pretty hard to do something like that if you have no foundations to build upon. And the whole thing of making up for missed development that I needed to function as an adult feels like a waste of time for me. I am getting older as time moves forward, neuroplasticity fades, I get more and more useless as everyone else keeps moving forward and growing. Speedrunners when they fuarrrk up early restart their runs because making up for past mistakes is a great effort for subpar results. Though you can't restart in real life. -You are capable of learning, you only lack discipline Having discipline to me is a prerequisite to being able to learn, so having no discipline makes me incapable of learning as a result. Though there's lots of other things that make it difficult like my extreme forgetfulness. -Therapy will do noting for you, and you are probably lying to your therapist anyway She's not really asking the right questions to me and not taking me seriously any, I am trying to be as truthful as I can because lying only makes it harder for me to get better. -You can turn your self hatred into motivation to improve Not really, my self hatred motivates me more to give up and self-sabotage instead of actually doing anything good. And thanks for posting your advice, I do not want to make you feel like you wasted your effort in writing me that, but I tried many things like that in the past and none of them made any lasting change as I can attest. Stuff like weight loss, proper sleep cycle maintenance. It's true that I don't shower a lot though, I forget that usually or it feels like too much effort, I need to wait for others to yell at me for smelling like soykaf to get moving. I just don't really have the faculties required to make proper use of the things people tell me, you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink, and I have a hard time drinking. >>36186 >I'd say that a lot of other suspected diagnoses you provided besides depression are in fact symptoms of depression. Yeah, could be. Question is what I can even do against that. Part of the wanting for answers is that knowing what exactly is wrong with me would allow for people to use better strategies instead of shooting in the dark. If depression is just the cause for everything, then there's no way to really "target" anything with that since depression is such a nebulous conditions. Stuff like schizophrenia can be targeted with lithium, ADD can be targeted with amphetamines, there is no proper targeted remedy against depression, anti-depressants are the closest thing to those and none that I have tried have worked so far no matter how long I took them or how high the dosage was. Because it seems to me what causes my depression isn't so much a chemical imbalance as it is just a developmental brain defect from the environment during my most important years. >Try to look into the root of your depression. Well, that is a major problem because I have had my depression for most of my life, with my earliest memories of feeling lost stemming from kindergarten. My therapist asked me to fill out a form that describes my history with my "condition" and it talked about what my life was "before" it, and I legit couldn't answer because I have had it for as long as I remember, just different intensities of it. There are so many things that could be the root of it that it'd be easier to name what couldn't be the cause. Childhood bullying from primary school onwards. Abusive and violent parents and family in general. Father figure was extremely neglectful and mother was too loving, emotionally stunted growing up. Parents are foreign born so they weren't on the same wavelength as I am, couldn't communicate complex concepts with them, they didn't understand my problems and didn't bother to make an effort for it. No real privacy at home. No friends. Subpar performance in school with some teachers being very aggressive and stressing me out as a timid child. Failure at developing any kind of identity since nothing really worked out with me, had no talent in anything. Fitting in nowhere, having no sense of self worth compared to everyone else I knew. Extreme fear or mockery and failure because of bad experiences with peers in school. Extreme jealousy from other people having better things than me or being smarter and more skilled than me due to bitterness at my own life conditions. Having a child's view on adult topics pretty often and being called out for it. I have a whole host of complexes that stem from my soykafty upbringing, and those things I will never be able to undo, the past is the past, I have to live with my burdens now.

>>35761 It could be that you're just stressed, so your faculties are biased towards convergent, goal oriented, and analytical thinking. And divergent, creative, more fluid thought is blocked out. The entire creative process requires access to both. Could also be a biological component, rather than strictly psychological. eg whatever they're doing to facilitate this whole rapid social and economic reorganization that we call "covid-19". ie toxins from the masks, toxins the masks are deliberately doped with the weaken people, ionospheric heaters reflecting back down, chemicals sprayed in the upper atmosphere, new modes of existing wireless masts, etc. I haven't been able to do anything truly creative since like 2017. Kind of is like kicking dead whales down the beach but I guess it never amounted to anything anyway.

>>36187 >he's never exploited another man's desire to be masculine for his own gain this is why you will never be as smart as a woman.

Avoid routines and personal patterns, routines are the ultimate enemy of creativity. You need to be random as you can.

Manage your (likely) depression, then read more. A lot of creativity comes down to having inspiring material to draw from and thoughts in your head that aren't just what you read when scrolling the internet. Try reading old books.

>>36212 Walk around rolling dice to make decisions. That was a joke Lain. Once you work on your depression find the balance of what gives you comfort vs what makes you creative. We're all wired differently in meatspace

I think an old friend of mine is trying to cut me loose. We were pretty close back in the day but after I graduated from school, moved on, went to university, and corona hit, it feels like they've been pushing me away at every opportunity possible. Whenever I propose to go out and do stuff they have 100% without fail either shot it down or push it back to a later date that never gets brought up again. I try to message them whenever they're online but it's rare to get a response and even when I do it can be hours later. I know that they aren't busy with work because they're unemployed and not a student and just hangs out with other friends all day. It hurts.

>>36249 Sometimes people are turds. Cut them loose, stop hurting yourself by clinging on.

>>36249 agree with >>36253 people like that aren't worth wasting time on, even if you've known them for ages people still drift apart.

>>36254 Thanks brother. I think I might've been unnecessarily harsh, but you really helped set things straight. Let me give an example. I knew a guy for like 12 years. After I had some major changes in my life (which made me a better person in every sense), he suddenly became less involved in my life. I realized it was because I was giving him less drama to feed off of, which he always sought out. Eventually, I realized he only brought trouble around with his bullshit, and cut ties completely. Moral of the story is that most of the time people "drift away" because of some defect in them that you're no longer servicing. This is nothing wrong with you, but rather a problem with them. It's unfortunate that you cannot help them, but that isn't your job.

>>36253 But anon, they're the only real friend I've got left.

>>36258 Evidently not, given they're letting you down. It's ok, sometimes you need to do the hard thing. There'll be others, and they'll be even better. You just need to try, and (I know, cheesy - but true af) believe in yourself.

>>35761 this lockdown soykaf is really getting to me. everything seems so bland and useless. i haven't really socialized with any of my friends the past month or something so i'm extremely distant and cold in conversation. i don't know what to do besides sitting at a computer screen all day. i'm just constantly thinking about how much of a fuarrrkup i am.

>>36293 This feels so relatable. I've just been doing what I have to, and sleeping the rest of the time or brewing soykaf. It's hard to summon the willpower to do anything these days.

>>36295 >It's hard to summon the willpower to do anything these days. yeah. it was cool for maybe like a week. i just wish that things went back to normal. what kind of soykaf are you brewin'?

>>36296 Nothing spectacular, just the mundane memes and arguing with strangers over things that don't actually matter. Trying to grasp some semblance of a human connection, but it really isn't working.

>>36297 lmao i thought you were brewing some alchemist soykaf with mushrooms and giant's toes and soykaf. basically the same here. anonymous imageboards are a completely different social experience from real life, but they work as a substitute for it in times of need.

>>36300 Sorry. The language enhancer didn't help in this instance: sh!tposting.

>>36301 Sh!tbrewing sounds kind of cool actually.

>>36258 Dependency is a terrible foundation for friendship, if you can't walk away from them then you can't have the kind of care-free camaraderie that makes friendships worth having.

>>36374 I can't stress this myself. Unfortunately, I am literally dependent upon another, and their "friendship" seems to be mostly wishful thinking on my part. It's essential that you do what you can to divest yourself of people who you "depend" on who aren't actively supporting you. The same goes the other way too, don't let people down, cut them loose.

the number of '''''high-quality''''' imageboards is dwindling. there will always be a few but the culture is homogenizing. the problem isn't soykafting where we eat. it's people soykafting where they eat on every imageboard, even the comfy ones.

>>36374 >>36259 >>36254 >>36253 I took your guy's advice and broke things off for now. The thing that hurt the most is that they didn't seem to care at all. when I told them what was happening they just said "alright, good luck." I felt angry as hell about that and wanted to say "Alright?! That's all you have to say?" But I controlled myself and finally ended things. It hurt a lot, but hopefully, this will be for the better. My biggest worry, for now, would be trying to go back to them, they aren't going anywhere. I have the energy to power through it, at least for now.

>>36393 I understand you hurt right now, but you need to forgive yourself for causing a small pain now for a larger gain in the long run.

>>36393 The thing about friendship is it can only be mutual, if you thought you two were friends and they thought you weren't, then you were not actually friends. And losing friends is a normal part of life, the internet makes people think you always have to be connected to people until you die but that's not always the case, sometimes it doesn't work out.

>>36398 This. I realize it isn't quite the same thing, but Unrequited Love is a subject of much poetry and literature. Friendship, as I see it, is little different.

>>36391 >neurosuggesting anyone would "eat" at an imageboard...

Lainons, I feel like PTSD has slowly been winning its war against me. I've been avoiding my friends lately, not just 'cuz I'm often sick, but also because I'm ashamed of the person I've become. I was so much happier, not too long ago. I... remember, my friends used to message me if they were going through stuff [I don't have IRL friends.], and I'd pride myself on being able to tap into their emotions and counsel them. 'Course, that might as well be black magic to me now. This pandemic, man... It's changed me for the worse. Perhaps it's the abuse my family put me through, perhaps it was when my co-workers ratted me out to the boss, but I don't care nearly as much about other people anymore. And I hate myself for it. Instinct tells me I should fold myself up, stow away in a drawer, and never be seen again. I'm not gonna give up, though... I've been talking with at least my bestie every day, and today I'm gonna reconnect with another friend I'd made before COVID. Wish me luck, okay?

I'm starting to realize that deep down inside I crave new experiences, new people, new media, a change in life. Yet, at the same time, I seem opposed to it all. I am scared of change. I am bored by new things. I am apprehensive of new people. I am keenly aware of how this inner conflict, the yearning for the promising and the new on the one hand and the comfort of familiar on the other, is making me unhappy now, but I also recognize it as something that can potentially wreck my entire life. I am terribly sheltered, I am pushed around, I am ordered to pursue a life I can't see myself living. I would be glad to stand up for myself, get a job and move out, but I understand the precariousness of this scenario. Living on your parents' dime, having your meals, rent and chores figured out for you is pretty valuable for a person like me; living in an abusive, emotionally stifling environment, fulfilling others' ever-increasing expectations and shaping your own future to fit their vision of it is a small price to pay. Except it's not. Except it is. I don't know. I feel like if I were more assertive and less indecisive, if I had more willpower and valued independence, if I had the experience of fending for myself and living in the "real world", none of the above would be an issue. I am definitely scared that I'll simply rot, that I'll hate the things I do for the rest of my life, remain as sheltered as I am now and experience very little of life.

>>36470 Kind of morbidly envy you over how it's the pandemic that fuarrrked you up instead of you just being fuarrrked up forever. If you managed to change for the worse then you'd probably be able to change for the better too. Just hang in there Lain, you'll make it. >>36472 Yeah Lain I know exactly what that feeling is like. I pretty much followed all the orders everyone ever gave me, had lots of dreams that I gave up on because I lacked the strength to follow through with them, didn't have a nurturing environment growing up and turning into a stunted freak, and now I'm trapped in the dilemma of hating my life but being scared or apathetic about changing it. It's a real nightmare scenario. What do think about doing? I have nothing myself.

>>36429 Yes. Ever been to a good thread?

I can't look at other people, I will never be able to stop seeing the metaphorical gun they're pointing at my head. I don't want for much, but anything is too much for you to allow.

>>36300 lurk moar

>>36249 >>36393 I'm going through almost the same pain as you are right now Anon. I posted in the previous /vent/. My friend too began slowly replacing me for his new, trendier friends. He even befriended the scumbag that got together with my ex girlfriend and lied to me about it. I told him we would be friends no more last month. I can't tell you that it will get better because I don't know myself, and for the most part I seem to have gotten the sort end of the stick since I am now friendless. But I'm rooting for you, I hope you can find new people who actually enjoy your company and value you as a person.

>>36692 >I can't tell you that it will get better because I don't know myself, and for the most part I seem to have gotten the sort end of the stick since I am now friendless. But I'm rooting for you, I hope you can find new people who actually enjoy your company and value you as a person. I've been through this multiple times through the years. Yes, it does get better. Work on yourself, and actually seek out new friends. Yes, it's very hard, especially finding people you actually click with, but it is genuinely worth it.

I'm literally on the verge of total panic nearly every day. There is nothing that keeps me going. The last couple of months I have even fallen into the gacha and gambling trap. I have also started buying random "expensive" soykaf, A tv, antique Guitar, gifts, pens etc etc that i don't ever use. I'm currently on four prescription drugs, all prescribed within 6 months: anti- anxiety, deppressants, Blood pressure and ADHD medications. There is nothing i look forward too, I can spend 14H~ in bed, I can't get up, I can't study, i can't return to work, I got no income, I have talked to counselors, therapists, "philosophers-therapists" and nothing helps..

>>36703 I don't want to dissuade you from taking medication in general, but it sounds like either you're having a bad reaction with one of your meds, they're interacting poorly, or you have been misdiagnosed. This happens, but you need to get to your psychiatrist IMMEDIATELY and report these symptoms. I mean this, and you can go verify what I'm saying, it is known to happen. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication is known to have serious problems in some people.

>>36704 It's possible i have some kind of combination problem, ADHD-meds where making slight improvements, Anxiety aswell. The first few days on anti-depp made me feel better but now i'm back to where i was before adding them. Thanks for your consern and advice, I am going to talk to them before new years,

>>36706 Glad to hear friend! Don't give up, things will get better!

I have these thoughts. My mind is always running with these unnecessary thoughts. When you look at things closer, we are all nothing; everything is nothing. We are all just atoms, quartz, nothing. This "life" is all because the body, the activity of the human brain, is merely a physical phenomenon caused by synapses delivering electrical impulses. The body exists only to verify ones own existence. Hence, nothing is real. Emotions are just chemical reactions and we are just physical elements combined together by chance a long time ago; we have evolved to create new things over time that makes life a little easier. We will die someday too, because it's biology. So, why don't we just die right now, right? Some people have, but others... others hold on to hope, curiosity, and fear. That's what drives us humans to live in this matrix. If you are still asking "what is the meaning of life?", there is no meaning, we happened by chance, coincidence even, we are born by chance and we die some day. Because, biology. At the end of the day, nothing really matters, because one day, the space and time we are in, will eventually come to an end, just like everything does. All of this that we are conscience for, is just here. This is, everything and nothing, and if our brains weren't conscience enough, we would still just as is. Yet, we keep on living, we put our emotions, our chemical reactions, first, because that's what makes us human, right? It's sad, once you boil it all down. It's quite sad. I don't want to die. I want to see what happens to the universe. I want to know more, I want to know if string theory is real, I want to know if there is life out there, I want to know everything. But knowing everything, means you know nothing. Scary. Isn't it? Life. Haha.

I used to fap to loli hentai, and now I'm getting the urge again. God help me. I don't want this anymore

This is what's disgusting about our society. We condemn people who aren't doing anything wrong. It's ok, lain, listen to your biology. It's fine, there's no shame in what you desire. It's completely natural.

>>36717 I have the same problem, you have to quit all porn cold turkey. Everytime I think I can get away with normal porn and big tits, I feel the urge growing to look at lolis.

>>36710 If nothing really matters because it can all be reduced to something smaller and meaningless, then your belief in life's lack of meaning can be reduced to smaller words and thoughts that can be ignored as well, therefore life does have meaning. Philosophical reductionism is self contradictory so stop dwelling on it.

>>36249 >Whenever I propose to go out and do stuff they have 100% without fail either shot it down or push it back to a later date that never gets brought up again. I am the person who does this, especially now during corona. I had a friend exactly like you and the relationship started falling apart since I refused to go out and got busy with other things. They need emotional support but I don't feel capable of providing that anymore. I didn't explicitly end the relationship, but perhaps I should have. I wonder whether that would spare them unnecessary emotions or would that be even worse..? There was no way I could consistently put in effort required to keep it going. I don't usually message people if I don't have a reason to. Oftentimes I just don't care and I don't expect other people to care about me either, even if we are, or ever were, technically friends. I feel like a sociopath... The circumstances change, I have better things to do than waste my time on people who add no value to my life anymore. I don't want to go back even though I know they must feel abandoned and overall quite bad right now. >>36374 >Dependency is a terrible foundation for friendship, if you can't walk away from them then you can't have the kind of care-free camaraderie that makes friendships worth having. I very much agree with that statement. As a plain mortal it is immensely hard to deal with other people's issues.

I got a rash on my dick so I can't jerk off but I did anyway and now I think i got pink eye :(

I'm a 2001 kid and I'll never in my life experience something like the old days of the internet. This makes me sad.

>>36710 Everything is made out of your mind, your conscious. Things aren't made out of atoms, they're made out of ideas in your head.

>>36710 I don't like it when people say "emotions are just matter interacting" as if that interaction isn't insanely complicated. It only serves to justify suppressing your emotions, which are very real.

>>36782 "matter interacting" says nothing of the complexity. It sounds more like you don't like the idea of being reduced to a physical process.

>>36787 no, I don't like the idea that just because something is the result of physical processes means it is simple or meaningless. >"matter interacting" says nothing of the complexity. it is an exessive simplification and almost always comes from a place of trying to reject emotions/thought/whatever as "real". It's the stupidest possible form of nihilism.

It's interesting to see how many people here have similar issues. I've spent my entire life giving up my dreams in order to do what other people think is best, instead of just doing what I want. As a result I have a job in IT I don't even like; I hate doing enterprise support. I'm even starting to hate computers, and the only reason I still use one is because I would have nothing else to do with my time. I got a bachelor's degree, and'm in school for a master's, but I don't really care about my degree anymore. There are no jobs I could get with it anyway, since I have no connections, not to mention how much I dislike having to give powerpoint presentations and write papers. I dread having to write a thesis in my final year. There isn't anyone I could hang out with as I've never made a friend on my own. No lover either, ever. Not a great family situation - four people living in a house designed for three, with hardly any love to go around. Everything is so expensive in Eastern Europe, with every retard thinking they can charge a premium price for a small garçonnière in the outskirts of a city, and the wages never go up. If I moved out, I would have to live paycheck to paycheck. My employer also takes advantage of me and pays me less just because I'm a student (even though I work as much as the regular employees). Not that they're being paid well. At least they are nice. I've been thinking of maybe smoking or drugs in order to get through the stress of daily life. It's getting harder to cope. There really is no point to this post. I know I have my issues as well, but it would be nice if I could catch a break to work on them. I suppose I just needed to have my situation written out before me, so that I could read it over and over again, and cement my decision to move abroad within 18 months. Somewhere I don't have to dread my family looking over my shoulder and telling me I'm wasting time doing whatever I might be doing at the moment. Who knows, maybe I could stop being a socially inept coward, and maybe I could find someone that accepts me too. I want to feel again.

Me and my wife did acid together and it was a fantastic experience. But what really has been meandering in my brain is the fact that we just dogged on people we knew for a part of our trip, and every aspect of the world we disliked. It's funny because you're supposed to do it, and feel all connected with the universe and soykaf, right? But no, we made fun of nearly every aspect of modern society and people who we know on a personal level. We were like two incredibly insensitive comedians just ripping apart every facet of the culture we happen to be a part of to a nonexistant audience. We realized that many of our old acquaintances see us as two tormentors bent on producing chaos in whatever social group we happen to be apart of. And at first, I came to the conclusion that we might just both happen to be very soykafty individuals. But I think the truth is that many people are self absorbed or hypocritical, and don't like being called out by people who don't take any bullshit. True people, friends, and partners come very few and far inbetween, and being disagreeable and hard-headed will ultimately weed out the weak and immature people in your life.

>>36819 soykaf man... having a woman I can eat acid with is like, one of my life goals. >It's funny because you're supposed to do it, and feel all connected with the universe and soykaf, right? nah, actually those kinds of trips are relatively rare (for me at least) and IMO not the best.

>>36821 Man, I just got real lucky. It's easy to get with a girl (or boy), but hard to find one that truly clicks with you. And you're probably right about that. As a pretty newbie user of psychedelics, I only really have had the usual stereotypes in my head about psychs. "One with da universe" is a pretty big one, I guess.

>>36819 Agreed. Although I have found that there are even hard-headed and disagreeable people come in few flavors. I hate how much megalomaniac and egomaniac people have the need to be always right. Not trying to say that you are like that, but just that they're the MOST disagreeable and hard-headed in the bunch, and they do it just for the sake of feeling people bend to their will. I do have my set of beliefs and I do have a strong belief in those, that I am quite willing to stand behind with no shame. BUT (big butt :P) I don't think being disagreeable will further those beliefs a lot of the times. In fact, most of the times it will have a quite opposite effect. For instance, I like to put people on the edge and just toy around with their belief systems and ideas of morality. I like to induce the logical approval for legalization of necrophilia from the supposition of arguments that are used for gay rights (ie. "what do you care what I do in privacy of my own bedroom?", "love is love", "if im not hurting anyone, why do you care"....) or I like to induce the idea that pro-choice and pro-life people are both wrong through introduction of alimony arguments of single mothers who argue "two are needed to dance, you made the baby now own up to it" and how men don't have a word in abortion (firstly, both are "pro"? nice way to control the discussion and constantly be fighting). But nowadays I see this as mostly sadistic pleasure that don't get me anywhere where I want to be in life, just endless needless fighting and arguing with irrelevant people with irrelevant belief structures. Their undoing is their ignorance and unwillingness to entertain ideas and detaching themselves from ideas they hold like it is their fuarrrking skin. Seriously, when has it become synonymous to conflate the ideas you hold with your identity? The fuarrrk? I changed my belief system something like 4 times during my lifetime and look at me, I still have a notion of "self" and don't find it cumbersome or hypocritical to continue existing. Maybe that's it.... maybe that's what they hold their tight grip onto. "This is hard to think about, so I wont"

>>36817 was in same position 2 years ago... literally exact same My solution was to just "put myself out there" and it worked. I have a girlfriend, work in IT in a job I love, have good money and my family started listening to soykaf I have to say because I stopped giving a soykaf what they have to say and I became much more direct with my demands and opinions to them at least. Friends? Dumped 80% of them I acquired through college because most of them are trash, literal burning heap of trash that like to dominate each other in worthless discussions just for sake of dominating each other people because they have no achievements in their lives. The ones I have chosen to hold near me I cherish with all my heart. Totally I have 3, maybe 4 I consider friends. Whatever you choose to do with your life, don't feel pressured to do. I recommend having that desire to go somewhere and do something more than having a pressure to do it. If it is calling for you to come rather than pushing you to go there than you will do it 100x times better and more into it than everyone around you. You will shine like a fuarrrking star between your peers and most will hate you, sure but they are hating themselves in seeing your love for your life, not you per say.

>>36616 you mean post more?

>>36823 >It's easy to get with a girl (or boy), but hard to find one that truly clicks with you Should I just assume I'll never find someone that actually likes me, given that I've never accomplished the "easy" task of having a gf.

>>36817 >Somewhere I don't have to dread my family looking over my shoulder and telling me I'm wasting time doing whatever I might be doing at the moment. Oof, that's a familiar one. >>36827 >Seriously, when has it become synonymous to conflate the ideas you hold with your identity? The fuarrrk? without religion people grasp at straws for anything they can. I recommend giving the Tao Te Ching a read, it sounds like you're ready to give up contriving and dealing with the contrivances of others. Maybe Taoism isn't for you but it is worth it to explore. I recommend this translation/interpretation. >>36828 I got my homeboys and I got a couple college friends left, just the ones who had the fun ideas. Most people you meet in college really aren't worth keeping in touch with to be honest.

>>36817 Avoid drinking, drugs, smoking, etc. It might feel nice in the moment, but there's lots of compelling evidence to say it is more detrimental in the long run. Apply for some new jobs, try to focus on things you want to do. You'll never get anywhere with a defeatist, hold your ground attitude. Your family are fuarrrking idiots. Don't let them convince you that what you're doing isn't worthwhile just because they're incapable of understanding it. That's strictly a them problem, not yours. However, you're clearly letting it get to you since you're allowing to taint your perspective. Moving abroad might be good, but be careful to either have a stash of money, a low cost of living, or a waiting job. Finding people who accepts you is a hard problem, but it has nothing to do with your intrinsic qualities. That's just a part of the human experiences.

>>36849 I can agree wholeheartedly to this advice. I relocated, but I did so without a nest egg, and it was very difficult. However, it is not impossible if you find yourself desperate enough.

>>36516 >now I'm trapped in the dilemma of hating my life but being scared or apathetic about changing it >It's a real nightmare scenario Your post made me think how it's literally hell on earth if not worse. To be stuck in a place that brings you nothing but suffering and be forced to endure it due to inability to act sounds very much like hell. Except, unlike hell, you're not completely denied the ability to act, theoretically, you can try to escape or change your circumstances and even succeed, it's just that the odds seem to be very low and stacked against you. But this makes the experience even more unbearable, you can't be completely fatalistic and devolve into absolute complacency, there are thoughts worming constantly inside your head: "I should do something", "It's not right", "Life must be better than this", but for some reason you're paralyzed. It's like being pulled apart from inside out. >What do think about doing? No idea. I should probably make some (baby) steps in the desired direction, though. Consume more content, learn new skills, perhaps find friends online, "change one's mindset" and be more proactive and willing to experience new discomfort in a new environment, that has the potential to be less awful than the discomfort and the environment I find myself in right now. Something along those lines. Regardless, it's difficult. The complacency is strong. I still find it weird that I would even think about it. Is it even "me" who writes and thinks all this? >>36817 Same. I will be finishing my bachelor's, it is absolute pain. I simply disdain my course, but I have to learn copious amounts of pointless theory regardless, stress out before and during the exams, write term papers that are time-consuming, nerve-wracking and humiliating due to their sheer pointlessness. Academia in general seems like one big joke. What makes it worse is that I'm not even studying IT, I'm getting a humanities-related degree, so it is pretty much useless. >Everything is so expensive in Eastern Europe, with every retard thinking they can charge a premium price for a small garçonnière in the outskirts of a city, and the wages never go up. If I moved out, I would have to live paycheck to paycheck. Relatable. Living paycheck to paycheck, the lack of material security that is now completely reliant on me is one of those things that turns me off about the entire venture. >I've been thinking of maybe smoking or drugs in order to get through the stress of daily life. It's getting harder to cope. Wouldn't recommend. I've never done any of those myself, but simply the fact that they make you dependent, mess with your health and normal functioning and cost a lot on top of that should be enough to outweigh any relaxation-related benefits they might have. >There really is no point to this post. I know I have my issues as well, but it would be nice if I could catch a break to work on them. I suppose I just needed to have my situation written out before me, so that I could read it over and over again, and cement my decision to move abroad within 18 months. Somewhere I don't have to dread my family looking over my shoulder and telling me I'm wasting time doing whatever I might be doing at the moment. Who knows, maybe I could stop being a socially inept coward, and maybe I could find someone that accepts me too. I want to feel again. Feels felt. Hopefully we'll figure it out (or Lady Fortune will be benevolent enough to figure it out for us). >>36828 >My solution was to just "put myself out there" and it worked. Care to elaborate? Also, did you have any issues with depression prior to your attempts at changing your situation? Did you address it beforehand or did you power through it? Personally, my depression may in fact be stemming from my environment, in which case I'm not sure if making constant attempts at securing a better life would improve my wellbeing, or if it'll condition me further into learned helplessness and I'll be completely bogged down until the next time I get an itch to change my life. >>36849 Thanks. Hope I won't forget that advice and will actually act on it. Someday.

Why won't my mom understand I don't want to talk to her right now?

>>36974 Did you tell her why?

>>36975 Yes, I thought she had understood. But now she's back at pestering me via whatsapp. I can't just block her either because she'll begin calling my family and they'll get on her side too. I just want a break to put my fuarrrking life together for a change.

>>36991 Explain it to her, multiple times in multiple ways, like a 5 year old. Try not to be overtly condescending, but you might end up doing it unavoidably.

>turned 20 not long ago >spent my teenage years sheltered indoors, was never allowed to just go outside and be a normal outgoing kid by my parents >basically raised by escapist media and the internet, turned extremely introverted and socially awkward target of weekly mockery as a result >no real notable experiences from all those years worth telling or writing about >didnt learn any expressive or profitable hobbies with all that free time either, simply spent them all with autistic videogames and browsing 8chan >have gotten a lot better at socializing during the last few years, however it still feels like being some sort of psychopath trying to fit in a crowd of people and analyzing them, not actually feeling any sort of emotional connection to them >currently a NEET with attention span completely destroyed, hardly even know about most basic adult life business concepts >on top of that, lockdown hit this year, further preventing me from "just throwing myself out there into the real world" and trying to get a job (my house isn't in conditions for working from home either) Who can relate? The worst part is, probably a lot of people do.

Suicide seems like an inevitability. Every passing day I feel more and more comfortable with the idea of death, and I can see myself ending it if my life doesn't get any better next year. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I've not had human contact in years and I'm slowly losing touch with reality. Therapy hasn't helped at all.

>>37093 I've been there, including a little over a dozen failed suicide attempts (I'm just bad at it, no bully). In the end, living life in suffering is somehow better than death. I don't know how to express it better than that, but there's a richness to it. Part of it is finding fun. I do so by inflicting harm on others and creating sensual pleasures for myself, even if it is wholly degenerate.

>>37094 Maybe instead of hurting others you could do the opposite, by being a useful human being that strives to make life easier for everyone. Or you could continue going down your spiral, lose any shred of humanity and continue being miserable.

>>37100 I don't know how being a "useful human being" is going to make me happier, considering I've never been happier. It's funny watching retards like you get a massive savior complex and try to change me when I'm having lots of fun.

stuck in a life I did not ask for >what gives you the right to ask? nothing >why not take what you want? I can't >what do you want anyways? nothing

>>35761 >gf goes on holiday, some "things" she does not want to talk about happen (I inferred she was drugged/date raped) a few weeks ago >she was in the shower this morning >phone gets 15 tinder notifications >"haha lain, my BFF put it on there as a joke" I'm so mad, but I'm pretty sure if I just leave her she will probably suffer a mental breakdown and self harm or worse. I'm not saying that there is a correlation, but it seems like it might be exactly what it looks like. And she has been lying a lot lately about little things. I can't trust her, and if this is what I think it is, then I have no reason to stay with her. She refuses to talk about it and always changes the subject.

>>37109 Make sure her friends are there for her and just leave. There's no point in staying and you have little reason to care. She'll also probably be fine.

>>37093 Therapy helped me, but didn't change my feelings about suicide. My main fear is aging. I think it's quite a rational fear. I don't know anyone who thinks watching your body slowly decay is enjoyable >>37102 Most people's problem is "want to do something, but can't". Our problem is "don't want anything". How do you even solve this kind of problem

>>37112 >tfw i'm her only friend she does not trust her BFF because she is in part responsible for her getting raped. She still wants to be friends with her BFF. I told her she needs to stop because her BFF keeps borrowing money to pay for her drug habit and is just a trash human being. She actually told me I am her only real friend. And she does not want to tell her family.

>>37115 Just had an argument with gf. Turns out her BFF used her to get drugs by getting her drunk and then one of her "friends" possibly her dealer fuarrrked my gf while she was blacked out, because apparently he "needed pussy" due to COVID making hookups difficult. GF woke up in pain with cum dripping out of her and her BFF laughing at her and telling her it was no big deal. tldr my girlfriends "best friend" got her raped in exchange for drugs while her and her junkie boyfriend watched. I also think she might be pregnant from that, she was complaining about pains and has not had her period yet fuarrrk THIS GAY EARTH. I'm really thinking about just getting in my car and leaving everything behind. It might be easier for me to just start my life over somewhere else.

>>37116 Dude, get out now. Just get out of that situation. It will only get worse from here. You can find someone else, trust me. It will happen. Don't worry about this woman. She is putting herself voluntarily into these situations. The sooner you leave the better.

>>37049 I relate to you 100%, can't really say much more since as you said I also lack any notable experiences. What are you up to, fellow hollow man?

>>37113 >I don't know anyone who thinks watching your body slowly decay is enjoyable I look forward to being old almost as much as I enjoy being young. I want to be a pleasant old guy with experience to share. You've got a solid 30-40 days before your body starts really falling apart and another 20 after that before your mind starts falling apart, that's plenty for me. >>37117 >she is putting herself voluntarily into these situations no evidence for that, but I have to agree, there is clearly more to this and you should probably leave if you can't trust her and this evolved into an argument rather than a crying sesh

>>37128 s/days/years/

>>37115 stop rationalizing staying with someone who both doesn't trust you, and appears to be either cheating or intending to.

>>37128 >no evidence for that, Let's see. She enables her drug addled friend, and knows it. She lets this friend get her wasted to the point of blacking out. She allows herself to be in these situations with this degenerate friend. She installed a dating app on her phone. Nope, no evidence here at all.

>>37128 >>37133 >into an argument rather than a crying sesh It was a crying sesh with me being mad at her friend, I told her she needs to cut people like that out of her life. She feels too sorry for her friend. to be honest her heart is too big and that lets people take advantage of her. She has a pretty fuarrrked up past because of her kindness, her compassion is a weakness, that or she is just dumb. to be honest I probably should have not scolded her for being naive and letting herself be vulnerable. Like basic soykaf about not letting your guard down around sketchy people. Also her friend had the keys to the car and pretty much refused to take her home until she got drunk. And her phone died because she thought they were going back. Her degenerate friend is a straight psychopathic drug addict. >>37133 Her degenerate friend also manipulated her into hating another friend by blaming her degenerate problems on one of her old church friends which caused her to cut her ties with her. She used guilt and threats to get her drunk.

>>37143 Don't you see that you're failing to take your own advice? >cut these degenerates loose >I can't cut this person who is bringing degeneracy into my life