/vent/ - Let it all out. 2 more months edition

Put your predictions for the last two months of 2020 in here. What have you done this year? Did you accomplish your goals? lost weight? got a girlfriend? There's never gonna be another 2020 so might as well talk about this year honestly

>>33876 >There's never gonna be another 2020 And it's a good thing 2021 can't possibly be any worse.

I've studied a lot. By the end of the year I might be an expert on a very specific subject

>>33877 Lainon said the thing. We're doomed. I accomplished some of my goals. Improved my servers a lot.

>>33882 >Lainon said the thing. We're doomed. Oh, you're being silly. What could go wrong?

>What have you done this year? Did you accomplish your goals? Honestly the whole year's had this depressive air to it, and it's only gotten worse with each passing month. October seems to be an exception though. I came in with high hopes. During the end of last year I had started working on an RPG, and my plan was to have a demo out by the end of 2020. But I haven't even touched the damn thing since March or so. Part of the reason is lack of motivation: I don't have artistic connections or any kind of following, so I know the game wouldn't have an audience to justify all the time spent making it. But at least that's rectifiable by making a smaller "practice" game first (in my case, a shmup), to try to build that following. The other reason is that work has left me tired, too tired to even work on that smaller game. Early in the year, one of the guys at the repair shop I work at quit out of nowhere, and the replacement we hired is a complete idiot. Then not long after we hired him, the quarantines started, and our workload multiplied as more and more people started having to work from home. I was also considering finally seeing a therapist and seeing where that leads. So I went to the only one that was available on my off-days. Not only was she someone I knew I couldn't deal with (had a very infantilizing tone of voice, for one), but when I went there I realized I had no goals. So over the next few months, I sat down and tried to figure out what about me that I want to fix. I built up a decent list, but everything on there feels like something I can fix myself or something that just can't be fixed even with professional help. Frankly I have no hope for 2021. All I see is more of the same bullshit we've been dealing with for what feels like decades. It's either going to be just as bad as it has been, or it's going to get worse. All that being said, though, I have accomplished some small things. Started learning Latin, and I've been getting more chances to play with Linux at work. Recently I managed to get Void running on a headless NAS box that was only ever meant to run Windows Server, so we popped in some fresh drives and sold it to one of our clients.

>>33877 Seriously how have people not noticed yet? Every year is worse than the last. It's been going on for a good while. I'm so sick of the like "omg 2023 calm down worst year everrr" silliness We're stuck here man, it all goes down forever

I practiced infosec for awhile now, i still don't feel much better.

2020 is just the start of the soykafshow slip n slide people, humanity still has a long steep way down before it goes, people dont believe me, but they believe me more and more every day. I got some of things done i wanted to in outdoors, not all but many which im quite satisfied it. 2020 wasnt the best year, but by far not the worst i have seen and i played it well, i think i can be satisfied but i still have to raise the game. Much work towards the end of the year is still to do, luckly in the house for me. Shit is like kicking dead whales down the beach but i intend to play the cards i have been delt well, it payes off when you do this for a long time and dont fuarrrk it up trough stupid soykaf. Never had to lose weight(gain if any) and my chances of meeting a girl are at an all time low, which was bellow low to begin with.

Time to put myself on a diet. Gaining, not losing

>>33886 Very debatable, definitely not the case in my country. Sure 2020 was a significant step backwards, but 2018-2019 wasn't on a downslide at all.

>>33896 If you are in the west your country has been already in the soykafter 2018. Its just a slow financial and legislative decline most people don't notice cause they don't pay active attention.

I've been unemployed the whole time and I didn't get into any of the Master's degrees I applied for, but all things considered it's actually been pretty good. I'm going to be published this year, which is more than all of my peers can say, and even some of my old lecturers. I also made a Neocities page and found that to be pretty fulfilling. I also picked up a bunch of hobbies, learned some Japanese, and am getting more exercise than I ever have. And for the first time in my life I made friends with a girl I think the last two months will be more of the same. Hopefully my sister will be able to come home for Christmas.

I've accomplished many of my goals for this year and I went far as I thought I'd go. But everything comes with a price and with the social distancing I got so tired I don't have energy to do simple tasks anymore. I can't even sleep like I used to. I guess this could be depression or some mental illness idk, I feel these last 2 months might be a turntable for the better if I find a job or start to take care of myself.

>>33896 Are you talking like super local/community or just your personal life? Declines are never perfectly homogenous, there are always some small oases but you look at the average and the large-scale because all those little slow spots will catch up if something isn't done.

>>33916 Watashi no Shumi Hen tte desu ka?

>>33923 Do it in moon runes though

western civilization (particularly the US) has been on a downward slide since 2008. It will never get better. These days I don't care any more, it's interesting to watch the process unfold, and I have a purpose that I can work on regardless of what happens around me. My parents are starting to really get on my nerves though. That said, 2020 is an election year which in the US always means that the entire country becomes one giant screaming dumpster full of soykaf, and a lot of people are all cooped up from thevarus which makes everything worse, especially online. It's just extra unpleasant this year and will probably remain extra unpleasant until late next spring, I'm guessing. I'm glad that lainchan has retained its essential character through this. It sounds kind of pitiful but this website feels more like home than almost anything else.

>>33876 Biden will win a decisive victory. Dems will win the Senate. Trump will cry and pout, but he won't try a military takeover or anything. He'll use the lameduck period as free advertising for whatever he picks for his post-presidential career. There might be some violence from Qultists who just saw the Storm destroyed and feel the need to kill the pedo cabal themselves.

>>33927 how can you take biden seriously? if anything he was a candidate the dems chose to purposefully lose because they're all the same party anyway.

>>33928 Trump is doomed. I put money on it, even. >Lacks his 2016 energy >His older base is scared of Covid >Just about every cultural, academic, financial, and military institution has come out against him >People who want to get rid of riots know they won't stop until Trump is gone >Biden is not uniquely hated like Hillary was, most people still think of him as a cool uncle who wears aviators and drives classic cars >Social media curators working overtime to make Biden look better, nobody is allowing the internet campaigns that helped Trump anymore >The October surprise against Biden is a joke compared to the one against Hillary Trump could still win, but that would be through incumbent power and nothing else.

>>33923 Yes. The best smut out there.

>>33927 >>33928 >>33929 fivethirtyeight has a Biden victory at 88% likely, and they usually do rock solid statistics. ("bwahh they got it wrong last time tho!" yeah something that was only 30% likely happened, unlikely != impossible, jesus) And you're right, I think the faction of the military that supports a Trump takeover is very small, they probably wouldn't be able to lead a coup. The only way he could retain power is by claiming the elections were illegitimate(common fascist tactic), but then he would lose popularity by delaying a do-over election which he would almost certainly lose. That said I don't think anything will substantially improve with Dems in power. As another anon said, the two parties are really one party, they play up the partisanship because it makes people easier to manipulate. People forget that Obama essentially continued the policies of the Bush presidency, the only reason Trump didn't do that is because he is incompetent.

>>33928 It seems like he's supposed to be the safe option, to try and capture the center and right who are repulsed by the current Republican leader but not enough to support the left. A passionate candidate like Sanders might repel moderates who dislike Trump enough to switch this election. (Did I mention the American election system is outdated and horrible at representing the people?) >>33931 >That said I don't think anything will substantially improve with Dems in power. Substantially? I can't say. That isn't nothing though. I feel that foreign relations with allies will improve almost immediately and a few of their stated policies will have positive noticeable effects on the people. Corporations will still be corporations, USA will still be fundamentally soykafinated with cream on top, but I legitimately think it's a slight improvement over the alternative.

I used to really hate China but it was just a cope. I admire their strength and their nationalism. Their authoritarianism is ideal. People obey the law and there is social order. I'm sure lots of kids here don't like the idea of that. But I don't like seeing drug addicts on the street everywhere and the police not doing a damn thing about it. Not that I hate drug addicts in particular... But it's a sign of rot when we just let these people destroy themselves like this, and actively encourage it. In Canada for example, we give them supplies so they can "use responsibly". We facilitate their addictions. In China I suppose nothing like that would be tolerated, they would be beaten and put into a rehabilitation camp. Which is good IMO, better for them in the long-run anyway. Canada's idea of a rehabilitation camp is a government run organization staffed by women and soft men that hand out welfare and coddle everyone. No one ever gets over their addiction due to this "help". If they get over it it's because they're a strong person who would have gotten over it anway. So naturally, the weak are destined to be addicts forever and Canada doesn't even care. It's pathetic, this society is rotted. I would much prefer strong authoritarian government over hedonism and everyone being a distracted consumer cattle. Will China inevitably turn soft too? I remember in Deus Ex, the video game. They made a point about China being the last sovereign nation while the UN countries were all puppeted by the same masters.

>>33933 >In China I suppose nothing like that would be tolerated, they would be beaten and put into a rehabilitation camp China has drug problems too. Where do you think all the heroin comes from? It is a mistake to think that China's society is orderly. They put on a show for westerners but you can find some disgusting soykaf if you go looking. People literally soykaf on the street there.

>>33935 i wouldnt even give a fuarrrk about drugs. What puts me off is soykaf like gutter oil and fake food.

>>33927 >>33929 >>33931 sorry bud, Trump is gonna win 2020. As a matter of fact, after he wins 2020 I will tag you all and say "I told you so"

>>33931 >I think the faction of the military that supports a Trump takeover is very small, they probably wouldn't be able to lead a coup. Only 10% of USA population fought the Civil war, and that is on both sides. The south had little less that 10% while north had more than 10%. ou really think there is no 30 mil people out there that use/buy/maintain guns and are right wing enough to be riled up into a militia? Not only that, but pentagon is spending a lot of money into war games that are domestic in nature and always have a prominent "old military guy thats fed up with the system taking control of main infrastructure and holding it ransom" scenario. On top of that I think there was a study of electric grid in USA and that if some small group of 30 people went around with guns shooting and transformers in the wild they would knock out the most of USA electric grid... so no you dont need a huge army to put a country to the brink of destruction. >The only way he could retain power is by claiming the elections were illegitimate(common fascist tactic) Isn't that what the dems and the left have been doing for past 4 years though? I think the more you use the word "fascist" in a nonfascist scenarios the more it gets meaningless. Which is the real scary idea. But do please continue crying wolf until one real comes. Then nobody will believe you. >the two parties are really one party, they play up the partisanship because it makes people easier to manipulate. People forget that Obama essentially continued the policies of the Bush presidency, the only reason Trump didn't do that is because he is incompetent. So you are trying to tell me that both the left and right are working for the common goal and for aome reason they can't do that because of Trump? Call it incompetence or whatever but that makes me like the guy.

>>33933 Foreign nations are hard to know from the outside, especially allies and enemies. I had a similar romantizised view of Nordic countries until a close friend who actually visited Sweden started telling me they're particularly xenophobic against brown haired central Europeans (not even refugees), far more than their Nordic neighbors. Image vs reality, just like anything else. It's all so tiresome. Official state-run Chinese press talking about China. Synthetic drugs (meth, ketamine) are a particular issue compared to heroin, increasing significantly year-on-year. http://www.xinhuanet.com//english/2017-03/27/c_136161743.htm ("Drug addiction on the rise in China") A Hong Kong newspaper quoting the government: https://www.scmp.com/news/china/policies-politics/article/2082474/chinas-synthetic-drug-problem-growing-government-says There are also many studies from Western universities and journal supporting these statements, not hard to find.

>>33876 I didn't get to do most of the things I wanted to do this year, but that's okay. There's always next year. I hope to go back to college and spend the next couple of years studying, and hopefully I can turn what I learned into a career. Ideally, I'd like to be self-employed. The world may be on fire, but I don't see that as an excuse to be unproductive. The NEET life isn't for me, and I can feel my mental state deteriorate the longer I go without some kind of goal or objective.

>>33938 > You really think there is no 30 mil people out there that use/buy/maintain guns and are right wing enough to be riled up into a militia? Militia is very different from military. >Not only that, but pentagon is spending a lot of money into war games that are domestic in nature and always have a prominent "old military guy thats fed up with the system taking control of main infrastructure and holding it ransom" scenario. so, the pentagon spends a lot of money simulating the exact scenario that would happen if el presidente refused to hand over power peacefully? >so no you dont need a huge army to put a country to the brink of destruction. which is very different from holding and maintaining political power over the nation. >Isn't that what the dems and the left have been doing for past 4 years though? saying that elections were illegitimate? Very few if any. Mostly the complaint is that Trump actually lost the popular vote while winning the electoral college. Typical whining you see after every US election. >I think the more you use the word "fascist" in a nonfascist scenarios the more it gets meaningless. The hypothetical scenario I'm talking about quite literally is a fascist coup. >So you are trying to tell me that both the left and right are working for the common goal and for aome reason they can't do that because of Trump? Call it incompetence or whatever but that makes me like the guy. No you fuarrrking buffoon. They're both beholden to the same billionaire class and Trump has done quite a lot for the billionaire class. But he is also very unpopular, and they need someone at the helm who is popular, and most importantly doesn't ring alarm bells from lefties so much. When Roosevelt said "those who make peaceful revolution impossible make violent revolution inevitable", he wasn't talking about high-minded progressive ideals. He was warning the ruling classes that they have to keep the lower classes pacified. For all the economic boons that Trump is giving to the upper classes (which Biden plans to continue, by the way), he is very bad at pacifying the lower classes.

>>33938 >Isn't that what the dems and the left have been doing for past 4 years though? Do you mean the Special Counsel investigation? That's not dems or left, that's the FBI. Or do you mean the constant bitching about electoral college. The second is just complaining about the issues with the US electoral process that didn't play in their favor, not saying it was illegitimate. Maybe a few idiots saying that makes it illegitimate, but that's just biased ignorance. >fascist If the President overstayed their term by purposefully declaring an election illegitimate (the scenario they are referring to) is very much undemocratic and authoritarian. Right-wing authoritarianism is clumped with 'fascism' the same way left authoriatrianism is clumped into 'socialism/communism' so I don't see an issue. It's not like calling people Nazis and SJWs, it's bordering on legitimate authoritarianism in this hypothetical scenario.

>>33941 >which Biden plans to continue, by the way [citation needed] Fox News: >>Income Taxes >Biden would repeal changes made to individual income tax rates for the wealthy (individuals with incomes over $400,000) under the 2017 Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, which means the top rate would revert back to 39.6 percent, from 37 percent. >Additionally, income above $400,000 would be subject to the 12.4 percent Social Security tax – split evenly between employees and employers. Currently, there is a wage cap of $137,700. Wages between those two ranges would not be taxed. >Biden also proposed capping itemized deductions at 28 percent of value for the wealthiest Americans. >>Corporate Taxes >The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act reduced the corporate tax rate to 21 percent, from 35 percent. >Biden wouldn’t restore the rate all the way back to its former level, instead raising it to 28 percent. also, picrel >inb4 'but he's just saying that' Possible, but you can't expect that to be a serious argument without evidence. It's a significant stated policy.

>>33940 Plenty of NEETs are productive. You can contribute to things and better yourself while being on disability or welfare. Just lots of people waste the great gift they've been given. Like one of my old friends, a user who will be on disability for life because of "anxiety". He just plays video games all day. He's going to turn out to be a really pathetic, more so than he is, human being. But there are plenty of people who hustle and grow skills while exploiting the dole. Those people will be fine in a decade from now. I just wouldn't say "The NEET life isn't for me" I'm pretty sure everyone would like to have unlimited free-time to pursue what they're interested in. It's just up to you if you use the time for a good cause.

>>33940 You can still set goals as a NEET, it's just that you have more reign to pick your own and you need more self-motivation to pursue them. I fell into a bit of a rut at first but once you have something worthwhile to chase, it turns out alright.

>>33938 I think a new civil war in the USA is possible, but not quite yet. I think Biden will put all the mainstream outrage to sleep (like what Obama did to Bush outrage), but they will fail to fix anything truly substantial. Because the divide in the USA is more rural/urban than regional, I think conflict will start with Irish Troubles distributed violence that builds up to regional conflict and finally a big clusterfuck of countless factions. It won't be like the first civil war at all.

>>33946 I don't think it'll be anything remotely similar to a civil war. More like electroshock therapy under freshly post-Soviet Russia. Maybe some drugwar stuff.

>>33947 Drugwar never ends well. >source My current country. There had been talks about it being sanctioned by EU, while the UN/UNHR seems to be siding with the "criminals and their rights to be criminals", our government were even begging for other countries to sell us weapons for the possible commie invasion but then UN seems to claim "inhumane war on drugs" is enough reason to just let a country die from the commies with far more advanced weapons. Assuming the top of the hierarchy druglords are billionaires (or even trillionaires), it means a drugwar is impossible unless the news outlets don't have leashes on their collars from the billionaires who don't want their "business" dead while wanting the country to stay being a "soykafhole" since the gutter is where the cash keeps flowing. Either USA bring back death penalty on such crimes or they'll fall for the "human rights" tactic.

Somehow it feels like there are too much data and nothing to read, too many activities and nothing to do. Like I'm stuck in a wan routine and I don't wanna leave. But I do, in a dissociate way. I want to .. I dunno! Something, i guess.

>>33941 You know, I wrote down a big reply deconstructing your whole reply and how you missed the point of what I was talking about but then I saw how you lowered the bar of convo by calling me a buffon so I deleted it all. Just letting you know.

>>33942 Biased ignorance amongst other things. I think a lot of missed focus is left obsession on "russia hacked our elections" argument. And I watch a lot of different late night shows to know that this is a heavy topic with which the election as a whole is argued to be illegitimate in the lefts eyes. >much undemocratic and authoritarian. Right-wing authoritarianism is clumped with 'fascism' the same way left authoriatrianism is clumped into 'socialism/communism' so I don't see an issue. I don't see that as an issue at all, those are valid and well defined definitions that hold their weight. What I was not okay with is the implication that calling the election illegitimate is a "common fascist tactic" implying that far left authoritarians either use that "tactic" less often or not at all. Which is why I mocked it by mentioning how the left has been calling this election illegitimate for past 4 years.

>>33943 Another anon chipping in. Biden said he is against fracking in one rally and in another rally he said he is for fracking. So I don't really believe that fella.

>>33953 >this politician said x >this politician said not x >therefore I don't trust this politician Yeah, neither do I. Except I don't trust any politician. Because each politician, even if they don't throw patent manure at us, is out to get us, er, rather, our votes. They'll do whatever it takes, even if it means smearing such sweet manure into our ears that our hands will puke rainbows of their name on the ballots. And then they'll do pretty much exactly what every other candidate does. Would you rather vote for Jack Johnson or John Jackson in the upcoming selection?

This year hasn't been that eventful for me personally, but I did start figuring out my mental health and emotional problems, even if it's nothing really substantial either. That said, my mood and my mental state still fluctuate wildly from week to week, and when I am at my lows and feeling generally as awful as I always have for the last couple of years, I wonder if I have progressed at all, and if I'll ever be able to return to the "non-messed-up me". Presently, I am feeling awful, the responsibilities are piling up, I feel exhausted, and the future seems bleak. I remind myself all that is temporary, but it's still annoying as ever, the fact that your emotions and subconscious affect your thinking brain.

>>33952 >left obsession on "russia hacked our elections" argument I don't know if I'd call those people left, much less far left. The narrative I usually hear from the left is "the liberals lost the election by nominating a bloody handed war hawk nobody likes". The Russian interference thing is bullshit that out of touch California liberals came up with because they can't conceive of the possibility that they were wrong about something.

>>33963 Yeah same, which is another part of why it's obvious there's no "left" in the US at all. There's a few scattered stochastic thinkers who believe they're the real left, but the essence of the entire movement is solidarity so really if they're on their own or ranting on chans and twitter (still in fact on their own) then they're just rich kids with a hobby. No left left anymore, no left at all. Time to move on and stop stimming and discoursing with fusty old broken ideologies. But yeah the Russian interference thing has always been the lib airhead version of Qanon and I've said that from the very start. What a total con, do they expect people to believe this? Well I guess so because apparently they do by the millions. We and every major country plays some cards in each other's elections and always have. Why would we not? Hell, look at Bolivia right now and how hard the US "left" are fuсking them in their asses. And they say some Russian hackers made some facebook ads?! Get the hell out of here you dunces, you're being led by the nose by the most awful people who don't respect you at all.

>>33931 >Fascist Please for the love of god suсk me off. I can't stand people who use that word these days and actually convince themselves that this is happening, who can't see that all they are doing is increasing the stakes in their own mind to force themselves to actually care (or pretend to) because in fact their class interests aren't left so they need delusional mental scenarios like this. Have fun fantasizing about being the French underground resistance or whatever, this is all a pack of lies and histrionics. If you were left, you'd be motivated by fighting for your own material interests and those of your communities. The fact that the motivation has moved somewhere totally unrelated to that should have tipped you off by now that you're in fact serving very different masters.

>>33953 No ѕһіt lol. I couldn't dream of thinking he had any principles at all. What are people who believe that even like? Could never ever be me.

>>33948 >drugwar never ends well No it sure doesn't. Seen most of Russia recently? Spiritually, culturally, economically, it's almost exactly where we're heading. I'd give Nothing is True and Everything is Possible a read if you're interested in learning more about the debased and defeated post-cold-war hypercapitalist Russia and how the US is marching right in their footsteps towards the same inverted Las Vegas hellworld that they are trapped in now. And I'm not talking about the aforementioned Russiagate horsecrap, I'm talking about the actual place and its people and how the stripping off of every bit of society and selling it leaves you and your loved ones. It turns your girlfriend into a whore, it gives your parents cancer and an addiction, it makes you so totally thanatotic that you want to climb around and take selfies hanging from the sixtieth story balcony just to feel something. It's not going to be very fun at all. I hope I can just become a Gopnik and do heroin in an old burned-out apartment block somewhere at least, that's about all there is to do in that world if you're not a wealthy Dracula.

>>33970 >Spiritually, culturally, economically, it's almost exactly where we're heading I feel like Russians and Americans share a kind of special fraternity that most people on either side don't recognize. We don't have a lot of direct cultural similarities but in abstract terms the common disposition is similar. It's like two sides of a coin.

>>33971 Oh yeah it's insane how similar the cultures are. There are notable and interesting differences of course, but I've always kind of wondered why everybody recognizes (for example) classic Russian pessimism and their sense of humor about it but paint the US as a classically optimistic country? Damn sure in my experiences it isn't. Maybe that's one of the changes. But I look through literature and I always see a kind of kinship there. I have no idea why it's considered understandable and characteristic of one but not the other. I guess it might be people (both domestic and abroad) seeing the US how they secretly want it to be. Or just peering through the bulletholes in Russia's corpse. Two sides of a coin is exactly it. I've known a lot of Russians and also Chechens in my life, idk. Maybe that colors it too.

>>33977 I think our values are similar. We have more in common in this aspect than with most European democracies (perhaps with the exception of England). The conflict between deep seated distrust of government officials and equally intense patriotism is another common thread. Being born out of revolution does that to you. We both value a very fundamentalist conception of freedom, but have historically taken different, self-contradictory (almost opposite) paths in an attempt to realize it. Russia and America are almost like alternate history versions of eachother. "Russia is like America if we had lost the war of 1812 and then had a workers revolution to get out from under the thumb of British industrialization." or "America is like Russia if they had remained allies with Hitler and then won the cold war."

>>33970 And I realize now how US-centric a lot of my writing is, so I figured I should add this: they aren't the only one marching in those footsteps. It's all the world. The oligarchs and global pharaonic bastards will not stop until they have all of it. The whole pile. It's their game—it's what they've always done, it should be no surprise. It should be pretty damn obvious by now but people are always still falling for the PR and the bullѕһіt. This current moment is a perfect example of that. Can't believe people somehow don't see the heist that's happening around them right now.

>>33980 Those two comparisons are profound, I definitely share that thinking

>>33971 >I feel like Russians and Americans share a kind of special fraternity that most people on either side don't recognize. We don't have a lot of direct cultural similarities but in abstract terms the common disposition is similar. It's like two sides of a coin. I think there's plenty of parallels. Both countries were regarded as "country bumpkins" by other major powers until around the First World War, resulting in a sort of national inferiority complex and a collective urge to demonstrate their industrial, intellectual, and military power on the world stage. Both countries were born, in their modern incarnations, in anti-monarchical revolutions. (Of course Russia could be argued to be well over a millennia old and quite monarchical for most of that time period, but I think it's fair to consider the pre-1917 and post-1917 incarnations as quite distinct nations.) Both countries went through a brutal civil war that's not quite within living memory, but certainly within well-recorded history, and is quite prominent in popular culture. But I think most important of all is that both countries were drawn into the Great Patriotic War/Second World War as a result of a vicious sneak attack - Pearl Harbour and Operation Barbarossa - which contributed to a national paranoia about being victims of future sneak attacks.

I think that what both US and Russia have in common is fail-state imperialism. Soviet Union was an colonial, imperialistic power. Then they went to war in Afghanistan, got their asses kicked, their economy fell apart and the empire collapsed. The US is following in those steps. They went to war in Afghanistan (and Iraq) got their asses kicked and the consequences for the economy and for the society are evident. What's interesting is that both the Soviet-Afghan war and the war on terror were engineered by, respectively, Zbigniew Brzeziński and Osama bin Ladan. The plan was to drag Soviet Union/US into an incredibly costly, unwinnable war that would ruin its economy and lead to its collapse.

Here's my generic vent: can we not make thematic /vent/ threads? Or if we do, to not call them /vent/? I'd like a place to put my generic venting, that isn't smeared with all this thematic manure.

>>34008 are you annoyed that this thread turned into boring political talk? i am too but, nothing is stopping you from doing your therapeutically vent spewing. which shouldnt really matter if it gets any replies or gets ignored all together while the spergs continue their political talk. the vent should be valuable to just you and feels good that you get it into words and that someone will read it, eventually.

>>34008 No. I suggest we start a new board called /vent/ and have the tech vent general, moderation vent general, meta-vent general, vent vent general for venting about people who vent. Er..... yes.

>>33876 It's all a fuarrrking mess. Will need to drop out from one study as I do not care about it. Still dependent on my family for the fact that getting anything entry level today is fuarrrked up. I have to change my place cause retards. I hate internet hustlers saying how its fuarrrking easy to make money on internet, while they do most unethical and inane soykaf. I am unable to focus on anything recently and feel completely stuck despite being superficially successful in some goals. My another student loan will probably set me back even more in the future economy but I chose this over waiting this soykaf out at my parents home. I do not want to be in that country but everything is going crazy. Tried to return to my old projects, but they all are way too small to offer me any living support. And the issue is, I would be content with very little. Minimum pay job, tiny rented out room, good internet connection or something like that. That I think only worsens this soykaf, as I feel that I fail at this tasks. Despite all this suffering and depression, I also do not feel suicidal at all as if that was just my state of existence. For the next two months, it will be just more insane soykaf and maybe later some Keynesian solutions. Maybe UBI will become real in order to save the economy. Who gives a soykaf, people will still live as they lived for centuries through worse soykaf.

>>34013 >I hate internet hustlers saying how its fuarrrking easy to make money on internet, while they do most unethical and inane soykaf. Ah, good ol' hackernews.

>>34014 Nah, even speaking about people like in here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ8rwqSTTGc&pbj=1 Of course it applies to idiots from HN or lobste.rs. I actually got derezzed for lobste.rs for mentioning sexual activities. It's emotional self-harm for me for sure. It mixes me up and also tries to put some proud ambition, while I just need to try to fulfill my duty to people who are capable of supporting me as I have no ambitions beyond that.

>>33876 I got into a top tier programming/compsci university in the capital city of my country. As exciting as it is, I'm worried that I'm going to hate it, and also be lonely due to the possible lack of kindred spirits.

>>34013 it is easy to make money online you just have to do the repetitive stuff over and over again which is boring, and you need discipline. people who come from a military background are the most succesful online entrepreneurs because they have discipline to stick with the same project for 10 months. while i on the otherhand will get bored of a specific project ive created, engineered, after awhile and move on to something else. i know for a fact that if i had just kept at it for the handful of projects ive worked on, i would have had success. persistence is the most important thing. >I am unable to focus on anything thats why you cant do it

>>34012 I mean usually once a topic gets its own board and subdivides/anally organizes all its little subgenres that is death. But vent does seem to be the popular thread around here. However I don't think it's ever gonna work out like you want. People are always gonna end up venting about politics sometimes 'cause that's what's causing some people pain (and for far more they're just too screendamage and irrationally obsessed, can't pretend that's not the case)

>>34018 I disagree cause there are large and long projects on the web, which still have no results. You also have to be extremely lucky to hit the right audience and have luck with the algorithm. The game is fuarrrking rigged.

I lost a ton of weight, but then the lockdown hit and I got it all back with extra to spare.

>>33952 >I don't see that as an issue at all, those are valid and well defined definitions that hold their weight. What I was not okay with is the implication that calling the election illegitimate is a "common fascist tactic" implying that far left authoritarians either use that "tactic" less often or not at all. I mostly refer to all brands of nationalist authoritarianism as 'fascist'. Communist/Red fascism is fascism. For me it doesn't really matter who the boot stomping on my face belongs to. >Which is why I mocked it by mentioning how the left has been calling this election illegitimate for past 4 years. The left has considered the united states empire illegitimate for the past 80 years. "The left", that is, the other party of capital, has been freaking out pretty much the same way as Republicans did during the Obama presidency and should mostly be ignored.

>>34022 also, please understand, it is very different for the opposition party to whine about how the elections were illegitimate, but still pass over power as though they were legitimate, than it is for a sitting president to refuse to give up his position because he believes the elections weer illegitimate. One is whining, the other is a coup.

Trying to get the balls to finally join the military. I was going to kill myself but never got around to it, and in the process I got old. I am likely the biggest failure in this thread.

>>34023 https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/dems-impeach-gop-presidents/ :/

>>34027 why is this relevant?

>>34026 Don't flatter yourself. If you were the biggest failure, you wouldn't be able to succeed at even being the biggest failure.

>>34026 you're only the biggest failure if your death is the most important thing that happens to you. My advice to you is the same as my advice to every other suicidal person who truly thinks they have nothing left: just leave. Pack your soykaf and go. If you're going to die at least do something interesting with your last days, go and enjoy a pretty spot for a while, wander around, I don't know, but anything is better than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, right?

>>34021 Me too. Kind of started getting it down again, but who knows how long this will god damn last and if I'll just ping pong as I get more and more abstractly stressed out. Feels bad man

>>34026 >I was going to kill myself but never got around to it, and in the process I got old This has been one of my most visceral horrors and it's unfolding as we speak. This place is surely hell.

See, there's someone I've come to know over this last year. We talk everyday, and very often, to the point where I'm almost living my days for them. Problem is, although to me they're irreplaceable, they could replace me so easily and it wouldn't make a difference. It's like I'm nothing; I value them so much, but they can just push me off like I'm worthless. And what do I do? I respond pitifully, doing my best to appease them, because any resistance on my part is futile if it only hurts me. This is all made so much more painful because I have feelings for them which will never be returned, no matter how hard I hope for it. Now, I don't want to make them seem like a bad person. They're very understanding, so understanding that they know about my feelings, yet continue to talk to me despite that. They've even convinced me to start running, and to read more. But at other times - and really, I'm not sure they even know how much it hurts me - they tell me things that make me feel miserable. I just want them to tell me I have value to them. They tell me I'm smart, and that I could do so much better than them if I tried, but more than anything, I wish they would tell me I mean as much to them as they do to me. It all feels so impossible, and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up... So, I guess what I'm asking is: Is it possible to feel better while still talking to them, or must I let them go in order to feel better?

>>34052 send them a message telling them they're very important to you and then the next morning say you were drunk

>>34053 I don't drink, though. Besides, I want them to tell me it because they want to, not because they have to.

2 years of nothing, no friends and no communication with someone, no good changes, only not bad work but with bad money, fuarrrking stagnation and fear of future

I was just hit with a random anger outburst that made me hurt myself, followed by a short-lived feeling of regret and absolute desperation, and finally a state of physical and mental exhaustion that KO'd me for two hours straight and I'm not even sure where these two hours went. I am still extremely stressed out and everything is in a haze, my body feels heavy and non-existent at the same time, I am stuck in a suffocating, horrible limbo.

How can I be expected to love myself when I don't know what love feels like?

>>34074 love doesn't exist. the sooner you realise that the better.

>>33896 unless you have significant step forwards, the sporadic step backwards ARE the downslide

>>34075 It does. You haven't learned what it is or encountered it yet and you're coping through denial. Happens to the best of us

>>34074 That sounds like bullshit. What is that really supposed to mean? To love rigid set of choices and opinions that make up what people call 'personality'? To become narcissistic? To fall in love with your body? The best I can describe what you are 'expected' to do is to confront your conflicts and either learn to deal with them or perish, and better sooner than later. Do people love themselves when they are born? I'd bet they just accept their life as it is and then the entire environment tries to beat that soykaf out of them, and this is how people end up failing at life. So this is it, you stop listening to what bullshit others try to pour into your head and work at your own ideals you stick to instead of evaluating yourself through prism of literally who opinions, or continue to ask questions designed to keep you in circles.

>decide to masturbate >think about doing lewd stuff with woman >think about how I'd feel too anxious do say what I'm saying in my fantasy IRL >get anxious thinking about how anxious I'd feel >panic attack I fuarrrking hate everything. I'll just watch porn next time.

I guess I kinda studied. I flunked some exams but I'm getting around it. The most worthwhile thing that happened to me is probably the fact that re-experiencing childhood trauma knocked me out for good for quite some time. I had a lot of anxiety-related symptoms, and the whole thing freaked me out. I feel I might become hypochondriac for good if I can't find a way to relieve stress that doesn't involte sitting behind a screen. I'm trying running, but it can easily become another thing to worry about. Hope 2021 isn't much of a soykaf like this year has been

>Do you exercise? 6 days a week >Are you sure you are? Yeah >You exerting yourself enough? I lift and run 20min 5Ks, I'm more physical than 95% of the population >Your diet is unhealthy! Chicken, fatty fish, eggs, sweet potato, beans, rice, and veggies is all I eat. >Every day? Same meals every day >You need to drink more water 2L+ per day >You sure? I measure it. My piss is clear. >Well what about sleep? Sleep and wake up on the same time every day. 8 hours. >You get enough sun? I workout in the morning. >What about relationships? Any girlfriend? I'm suicidal why would I want a girlfriend? You think sex is gonna fix me? >... ... >Friends? A few, but I don't talk to them or hang out much >Why not? They don't particularly like me, they find me dull, so I don't bother >You don't know that! It's all in your head. They've said as much to me. >Are you anxious then? No. I've never felt anxious about socializing. >Family? I like them but I wouldn't trust them >Why not? Left their religion and I have to hide it. >Is there something preventing you from telling them? I'll be killed My home country's law punishes apostasy with death. >That doesn't mean they'd hand you in Maybe they would maybe they wouldn't, I can't risk it. >Does anyone else know this? No. I could be lynched if it goes out. >... ... >When did your suicidal thoughts start? Last year of uni >Was it because of studies? Uni was easy >Job worries? I had a job secured a year prior >Were the suicidal thoughts related to uni? No. I just don't see my life ending anything other way >What do you mean? I'm sure I wouldn't be able to stand it until I die of old age. Whether I do it now or live miserably a while longer wouldn't be much different. >How prepared are you? I have access to genuine Nembutal >Drug-induced suicide has low fatality rates I don't have access to firearms. Nembutal is commonly used in euthanasia and assisted-suicide. >Have you steeled yourself to do it? No. I don't have the balls to do it yet. >You could be so much more! I'm trying my hardest every day. >Maybe if you went a bit longer you'll hit your fortune I can't imagine what that looks like >We can fix this together! That's what I'm doing this for. >... ... A conversation with myself. Self reflecting is pretty hard.

>>33876 I'm going through dopamine/online detoxing at the moment in my family's summer cottage, where there's limited access to the internet - among other things. I've spent the last week with less than four hours or so of exposure to anything internet-related (which is quite a drastic difference to my normal daily routine, where I could literally spend my whole day sitting on my computer watching Youtube, browsing chans and playing vidya until 4am, doing some BS assignment on the side). I'm trying to make myself less dependent on computers and technology in general, and I'm trying to do it in a somewhat progressive/managed way. I've become so accustomed to the internet that I don't think I could go through this by totally cutting off everything at once, so I've been substituting internet with TV. Going back to TV is mildly infuriating and off-putting partly because of the mediocre content (it comprises mostly of reruns of reruns of reruns of The simpsons, Family Guy, Friends, Baywatch etc., movies I've already seen years ago and some other dull nonsense I don't care about) and partly due to lack of interactivity. That's why, when I'm not cooking, doing the dishes or chopping wood, I read books I've been meaning to read for quite some time (so far I've read 4 (Antifragile, Homo ludens, Nuts and Bolts for social Sciences and Capitalist Realism), because fuarrrk TV). As a result of lack of neighbors and streetlights (not that they'd be much of use, as there are neither proper streets nor people to walk on them even if there were) there isn't much light during the evening and on a starless night it gets so dark that I can hardly see my left arm when I'm outside without a flashlight. What little light sources I can distinguish in the horizon I can count with my two hands. It's mostly the boredom and loneliness which are trying my nerves. Watching the night sky and the calm surface of the lake, walking down the lonely beach and going through what last night's waves had washed ashore just like I used to as a kid are probably the best things here. I often reminisce about my first two years of uni, several years ago. It'd be nice to have friends again with whom to go spend some time together. Time's up. See you guys in like half a week or so.

>>34052 anon, if they talk to you everyday, and if you feel as if they are being honest with you, maybe you are not that replaceable in their life. Maybe you can't see it because you are blinded by your feelings, but rarely a relationship (of any nature) lasts without one person needing the other in some sort of way As for the unreturned feelings, unfortunately you have to live with that. I think it is possible to feel better in this situation, but you necessarily have to distract yourself from them.

Honestly, I typed out a whole thing but I don't want to post it. I don't know what I was hoping for; attention, people who have had similar experiences making me feel less bad about it, or something else... I almost feel like these kinds of threads are really bad for me because they "enable" my behavior in the sense that other people's failures help me to feel better about my own, and lead me to not changing my behavior

>>34237 Sharing experiences and having a fresh set of eyes can sometimes help us move forward or see solutions we wouldn't normally. For others it's a bit of a cathartic thing. I can see your point about enabling behavior though without someone to keep you accountable. If that's the case, it's better to share this type of thing with a trusted friend or something.

Ah I fuarrrking hate myself lol. My mental health is soykaf, last time I was at my friends, I was so fuarrrking out of it, it was like seeing a corpse still acting out of habit while my mind was constantly being scared soykafless of itself. I have not managed to learn anything in uni, despite telling myself I would study, I still barely passed everything, but bad marks does fuarrrk my plans for the future. I wanted to start physical exercise, but before I got into that I managed to injure my back, now I am waiting for that to heal. I'd say it could only get better from here, but realistically my continued inaction is just fuarrrking my future more and more. The best part is that it is such a simple fuarrrking concept to start doing things, but I feel trapped inside my mind, like I don't have agency in what I end up doing. The only positive is that I didn't become fat. Kinda want to leave. Reincarnating as a rock or a tapeworm would suit me well.

My cat apparently has ran away when my little brother was playing on the street and forgot to close the gates, missing it and feeling sad.

>>34259 Ah... that can be rough. They often come back though, you'd be surprised how often. I worry whenever mine gets outside because we live on a busy street now so I keep him in. We lived in a rural area before with almost no cars, a place where he was free to roam. Once he didn't come home for seven days, but he did survive.

PS, kick your little brother in the nuts and tell him to learn some responsibility.

How do I come to terms with the fact that I've failed as a human being, and that nothing I do will ever be good enough?

>>34267 Good enough for what?

>>34268 The approval of others

>How do I come to terms with the fact that I've failed as a human being, and that nothing I do will ever be good enough? You don't. Because that's false. There's no such thing as `not good enough' beyond being nonnegative. There's always something you can do to make things better. It might seem like it's only a little, but it's still something. And even if you think cost more to society than you are worth, you are wrong. Society would have killed you if they thought you were harmful to them. In the grander scheme of things, even if you, alone, would be harmful, in the context of a group of such individually harmful persons, you all become helpful.

I feel like I am about to throw up and collapse. Everything is so stressful and dreadfully pointless. None of this makes sense, my life and all the hurdles and suffering I have to put up with make no sense either. I am not having fun, I am straight up not enjoying my existence or my place in life and society; the little, almost non-existent pleasure does not even out all the suffering. I have plenty of regrets, and I hate that my life was shaped by circumstances and events I had no control over, or other people around me, rather than me, the person who lives this life. It's so stupid but also painful. I just want to go buy a van and live in the tundra, I have zero skills, I know nothing about survival, I'll probably die within a week, but who cares.

>>34272 >I hate that my life was shaped by circumstances and events I had no control over I feel you my dude. Everything fuarrrking is like kicking dead whales down the beach. We are just what our surroundings wanted us to be. But "you" still exists. I know, because I also noticed this and found my "self", or at least some things that makes me me. Try going offline for a while. Or take a walk... I don't know about you, but I've found that living my life MY own way is a great middle finger towards life. The way things are looking right now seem hopeless, and I can't do nothing about it, So why should I worry about the world ending? fuarrrk this life, I'll live it to the fullest like nothing is happening, and if everything ends that will be a fuarrrking relief, because I get to enjoy everything and then leave this place? Amazing. Idk, this is probably soykaf advice, but its the one I follow and at least is making me feel things I only felt when I was a kid, even though this planet is going absolute downhill

>>34273 my god, these filters... but you get the point

The longest two weeks of my life have been awaiting critical news, on an unknown day, next week.

>>34274 I honestly never realized how much people say 'su­cks' until I got to this website.

I have a weird problem with masks. I start to gag everytime a few minutes after I put on my mask and I have to take it off for a while until the nausea goes away and I can put it on for a few more minutes. The main problem is wearing a mask is mandatory and it seems univerities will open next semester. How do i get over this problem? Did any of you lainons have the same problem? Also I was hospitalized a month ago due to a head injury. I had a mask on in the hospital and i neither gagged nor i got nauseaus. I think whatever was in that serum was good for my gagging. Now i wish i asked the nurse what was in the serum. Do any of you know what was in that serum? I tried diazepam to avoid gagging when i wore a mask but it doesn't seem to work. Maybe it was paracetamol. >>33949 I know that feel too. We gotta start from somewhere though. Even if it's mostly useless. Trying other people's suggestions might be a good start. Recently i started working out again. Just 2 years ago I was doing 70 sit ups and 30 push ups, taking care of my face with facial care products as if i was just a poor version of Patrick Bateman and life felt great. It wasn't long lasting though as I dropped my habits. I'd suggest the same too. Just do some workout and take care of your face, but never limit yourself to that and try to add new activities . Even seeing yourself more beautiful when you look at the mirror can fill you with energy. For reading though, I don't have any suggestions. Just pick something for reading that won't bore you to death but feel free to skim or skip the book, text or whatever if it feels boring and move on to something new. >>34013 Internet hustlers? Do you mean the internet marketers? If yes, they are liars. Internet marketing isn't easy if you are don't have money and if you are doing it the blackhat way. But it is a good way to earn money too, especially if you market adult products. >>34059 I also have a lack of friends. I do have friends but they are only less than a handful. I consider most other people just acquaintances as i have to communicate first to get something going. There are also internet friends but we can't even meet in the meatspace since they live in a different city. I'd try to help you out if you tell me about your lifestyle too. >>34066 Hope you didn't hurt yourself physically. It doesn't help, it just makes things worse. >>34125 Visit a psychiatrist. I dunno what you were fantasizing about but i'm sure you would be able to say it to your gf as long as its not guro, scat or cu ckoldry stuff. >>34216 Reading that made me sad. I am a pro euthanasia person but still i think it is the last resort. I'll try my best. >I'm suicidal why would I want a girlfriend? You think sex is gonna fix me? Sex is good and all but romance is even better and will make you feel very good. But if you think you wouldn't be able to handle a breakup, try to get a sex partner or try a prostitute. Careful about STDs though. >My home country's law punishes apostasy with death. Middle East? Hiding your religion is the best in my opinion. And please do not make a big deal of it. You don't have to tell soykaf to anyone. >You could be so much more! I agree on that. You are lucky on a lot of things. If there is nothing keeping you from going for another country, either for living or tourism, i'd suggest you to try it. I can't for a lot of reasons.

>>34374 >The main problem is wearing a mask is mandatory Not if you tell them it makes you sick, or just say you have a disability and don't need to wear it. I have said this atleast 15 times when going into small stores and getting approached by staff directly confronting me. I haven't once worn a mask during this crap. Seems like you have a legitimate reason to not wear one and I just don't want to bend over to authority, so it would be pretty sad if you didn't actually stand up for yourself in this case.

>>34375 Yes, store staff are usually understanding people but cops and some assholes are the real problem. Some cops fined people that was either smoking or eating even though they had their masks on their chins. They even beat a girl and a lot people were like ''iamwithmypolice''. I think they won't respect people that can't wear masks even if they had papers confirming they can't wear masks ( I don't think we have these in my soykafty country too). I guess if this corona bullshit doesn't end soon, i will have to try my best to stand up for myself. Thanks a lot too, i will try my best.

I have a goal in life but I totally lack motivation to make it come true. I'm tired, people feel empty just like they were machines, they sometimes don't even pass the Turing Test. How do I get energy? I need a good source of energy and motivation to continue working on my goal.

>>33967 > Have fun fantasizing about being the French underground resistance or whatever, this is all a pack of lies and histrionics. I mean, I'm no activist and not particularly fond of most leftists. But I call it as I see it. America has essentially all the defining characteristics of fascism.

Burgerlanders: happy New-Management day. Shall we have another 4 years of meme?

>>33876 Man, I feel kind of bad about myself realising the year's about to end. April was the first full-month of the lockdown in my country and I really failed to do anything productive back then, despite all the free time. Now it's the start of November, 7 months later, and I haven't made any progress with any kind of skill. I intend to get skilled in Programming and Math at least, eventually. There's a select few things I want to get out of the way first and once those are done, I'll move on to my studies. I'm also heavily considering changing my sleep schedule to the Everyman schedule. I did want to attempt the Uberman when I was younger and first found out about it but in the end, it's just too brutal and I probably won't succeed in establishing it. My only gripe is that it's Segmented Sleep that's recommended for lucid dreaming, not the Everyman and I do want to make some lucid dreaming progress. Mr. Robert Waggoner presents practical uses for lucid dreaming. With his "talk-to-the-dream-itself" technique, one can actually engage with the supercomputer that is the subconscious and solve logical problems like programming problems so I look forward to this. Well, with my NEETbux and free time, hopefully, I'll do things better this time 'round. Overall, I've been very content with 2020. Me and my family survived 'rona, I got to do nothing all day (most people were bored out of their minds, I personally always busy myself with something, even if it really is nothing), things were quite okay. I just wish I was more productive. At least I've somewhat maintained my intermittent-fasting these past 2 weeks. I hope this continues into the future and contributes to actual weight loss, if not at least halts my weight-gain.

sorry in advance for being off topic. i just need to vent. today’s my 21st birthday. it doesn’t matter, really. i’ve been drinking since high school. i only have one friend, and they know i hate my birthday. when i was 15, i’d planned on killing myself two days before my birthday. it failed; the police did a well-being check, and my parents then refused to let me into therapy or treatment. i was locked inside, isolated, and kept away from the internet and all other people. my parents raided all my belongings and found out through messages with my ex that i’m gay. things haven’t been okay at all ever since, but i’m too much of a coward to cut them off and lose their financial support. my parents told me that if i wanted to kill myself, i should have just killed my self. they wish i were dead. i do, too. so it’s not a happy day. i resent my being alive. i wish i’d killed myself last night. my cat, an unusually amorous stray i’ve taken in, stayed by my side until midnight. then he attacked me and demanded to be let outside in the freezing cold. he hasn’t come back. the only people to wish my happy birthday so far have been a man who stalked me in high school and still will not stop messaging me no matter how often i block him, and my mother. she wants me to call her. i want to be left alone. i am so tired. i don’t want attention. i hate my birthday. the world’s going to soykaf for a hundred thousand other reasons today. the greatest gift i could get is the apocalypse, but that won’t happen. so i have the day off, because it’s a holiday here. but i don’t think i’ll leave my apartment. if i get drunk, i’ll just be drinking alone as always. i don’t know. i’m sorry for whining here. i’ve now wasted everyone’s time for over two decades and i wish i didn’t have to waste any more of it. but i’m a coward, and if i fuarrrk up a suicide attempt colossally and wind up permanently in the care of my family… well, i’m terrified. i want so badly to die, but i can’t. i don’t know how long i’ll live for, but i think i’ll feel like this for the rest of my life. so here’s to another year of misery, of hating myself, of being a burden on the world. i guess i’m glad that no one’s messaged me. i can’t do the performative happiness thing, and i don’t want to make them uncomfortable with my self-loathing. i just wish i hadn’t failed in 2015. i hope i don’t actually make it to 2021. but i’m a coward, and i know i will.

>>34473 >sorry in advance for being off topic. i just need to vent. >vent thread what did he mean by this

>>34474 most of the vents here are political or oriented towards the global crisis and its effects. mine’s just selfish and personal. sorry..

>>34476 are you feeling any better after venting?

>>34477 i wish i could say yes, but no. i’m not a danger to myself because i never can be because i can’t risk fuarrrking that up, but i’m paralysed with this anxiety and self-loathing. i don’t want to live. i really don’t want anyone to try to wish me happy birthday, because there’s nothing worth celebrating about me ungratefully wasting more resources that could be better allocated towards actually meaningful human life. but still there’s this nagging selfish disgusting part of me that feels like soykaf, because it’s not that everyone knows but deliberately isn’t saying anything — they’ve actually just all forgotten, which makes sense. i’m not a good person and i’m not memorable. (“all” being my next door neighbour and handful of online friends, i guess. but this is lain, so you knew that.) any part of me that wants to try to be happy today feels guilty because of it. there’s no point in getting out of bed and getting dressed, in taking a shower and trying to do anything, because by giving in to the performance of happy yearly mandated celebration, i’m ascribing my life too much value. i don’t contribute more meaning than what i waste, so by trying to pretend it’s worth being alive, i’m just deluding myself and lying to everyone else. but by not doing anything, i’m not being productive. i feel trapped and i don’t see a way out. maybe i’m overthinking it. i’m sorry. i don’t know how to stop venting once i start. hopefully the world ends and then none of this will be a problem anymore. thanks and sorry.

>>34478 i think your expectations are too high for yourself. the amount of people who actually contributed to human achievement is really tiny. sure you might be lazy and feel like you dont pull your weight but you can do really tiny stuff and make the world a better place. just by smiling to random people everyday and giving them some dopamine you're being a helpful person. lower the standards for yourself, you dont need to invent anything or make some huge impact on the world. being poor and humble is not such a bad life as long as you are content with yourself. you should read some stoicism. one of the major proponents of it was born a slave in rome and he was happier and more content in his position than most people are today. he made the best of it.

>>34478 oh i almost forgot, happy birthday.

>>34479 thank you.. i’ll look into stoicism. its basis in logic is interesting. do you have any particular texts you recommend? i think i genuinely do more harm than good in the world. i’m not a nice person, and i’ve said horrible and deliberately cruel things to people i love(d) during arguments, and i still hope they wake up in the middle of the night thinking about them. when my cat attacked me last night, i bapped him on the back and forced him back out into the cold. i know i should be a good person. i don’t know how to make myself care. how do i attain the genuine desire to be good or kind? i know i should, i just… don’t even know where to begin. life seems a lot easier without other people, and you need other people to be kind to in order to perpetuate a desire to be kind. the least harm i could do is probably to leave everyone alone.. thank you though. i’m genuinely interested in learning about that philosophy.

>>34482 i think you ultimately want to be a good person because it makes YOU feel good, we are all selfish and theres no shame in that. like right now im comforting you because it will make me feel good to know that i helped you a bit. not because i'm some wholesome monk who lives just to improve the world. people like to call it karma but its simpler than that, if you are good, then you have less negative vibes going on around you all the time, so less negative stuff happens to you. it's just that simple, there doesn't need to be some magical force that punishes you for being naughty. its just how life would naturally progress if you continue to do naughty things, you put yourself in bad headspaces and surround yourself with bad people. if you do good things, people like you more, they want to be around people that make them feel good, they will think about you when its time to hand out rewards. This is who I was referring to; >Epictetus was a Greek Stoic philosopher. He was born a slave at Hierapolis, Phrygia and lived in Rome until his banishment, when he went to Nicopolis in northwestern Greece for the rest of his life. His teachings were written down and published by his pupil Arrian in his Discourses and Enchiridion. As for book recommendations. There are a ton, it's gotten more popular recently because of everyone feeling detached and lonely about society I think. I would recommend the works by Ryan Holiday. I believe he has written more than one, he also blogs about it. He brings a modern approach to philosophy, and he's a good writer. I think he's also a sociopath which I am getting those vibes from you (not a bad thing). Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is the most famous book on stoicism, not even intended to be published or released as a book, the author intended it to be burned when he died. Aurelius was a Roman emperor and he wrote it as a journal, to himself and for himself for self reflection. He is regarded as one of the best emperors Rome ever had.

I gained weight staying inside fearing people outside. I accomplished some things but not much. I learned that I shouldn't worry about people outside. I just need to focus on what my initial goals were which is to buy a house and some land to go with it. Looking back on it now, I am not sure what I was really scared of.

Hi Well. This year feels so weird, I'm supposed to feel a mot better that other years and even though I'm feeling far worse. I ended my exchange year at the middle of 2020, I finished my school year in a couple of weeks, I met a girl who I like very much and is very kind with me, I even found a job. But, even after those wonderful things that happened to me, I can't feel better. I feel now worse than before my exchange year. Yes, I've lernt a lot of new things, I met some very nice people, I lernt another language, and i was in fantastic places. But I spent a very hard time in my host country, I made just a few friends, I cried a lot and I started with cutting again. Now that I'm back at home I don't feel much better, thank god I met my girlfriend and I don't feel that alone. But I can't think as I could one year ago, I can't elaborate answers when people ask me things, I feel like everything I do is wrong, I feel like I don't have real friends and that my entire life was a lie where I just wanted to be accepted. I'm everyday feeling worse. Depression and loneliness persecute me as hell. I feel like when I was 14 and I had several personality issues, and as expected, I hate that. I feel right now like I juat started living my real life, being actually me and doing what I always wanted to. I even forgot almost my whole life before coming back to my country. My exchange year is kind of blurry as well. It's like I've been living 18 years for nothing.

>>34507 Sounds like you experienced some pretty intense culture shock. Not wanting to reject your cultural presuppositions, but feeling a rejection occurring against your will. Design a temple or shrine to some of the aspects. In a loose sense, worship your identity a little while.

Looks like Biden won. Not a victory for us, he has Silicon Valley and the NSA behind him and they will almost certainly use his term to further their interests.

>>34517 bruh, they both do. At this point the only real differences between the parties are so-called "social issues", aka distractions

>>34521 No, SV, NSA, and CIA all openly hate Trump. It's just that they'll actively work with Biden while Trump will simply give them tax cuts/budget boosts because his party told him to.

>>34522 If he was actually effective in taking silicon valley down a peg I'd be more supportive of him. As it stands he's arguably marginally better than Biden on this front. Then again, Biden is more likely to go down the EU tech regulation route than Trump, which has its own advantages. Ultimately, neither is anything close to a good candidate for privacy and decentralization.

>>34522 >SV, NSA, and CIA all openly hate Trump What do you mean by "SV"? Do you mean the corporate PR departments that have to appeal to san francisco sensibilities or the big money in the venture capital firms? The big money could give less of a soykaf, they hedge their bets every election cycle, especially on close ones like this. and do you have evidence that the NSA and CIA are openly insubordinate? >It's just that they'll actively work with Biden while Trump will simply give them tax cuts/budget boosts because his party told him to. I think the main reason various institutions express dislike for Trump is because he's unpopular. It's easier to control the people if the figurehead is somebody they don't hate. >>34523 >Ultimately, neither is anything close to a good candidate for privacy and decentralization. quite right. America is bad for privacy and decentralization.

>>34524 NSA and CIA manufactured the Russian hitlist story in order to keep Afghanistan going.

First session with my new therapist and she's told me I'm severely depressed and should consider medication.

>>34525 this is the first time I've heard of this "Russian hitlist story". Link?

>>34527 https://www.forbes.com/sites/mattperez/2020/06/26/report-russia-offered-bounties-for-taliban-militants-to-kill-us-soldiers-and-other-allies/?sh=210de9507330

>>34526 >consider medication Of course that's all they can say. They want you numb and dependent on the system for the rest of your life. Instead you should go ask your Doctor to put you on testosterone therapy so you can get strong and save yourself. Tracy Gapin - The Testosterone Epidemic: How Endocrine Disruptors are Crushing Men AHS19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N11tqwVrhZo

>>34532 That's code for "start growing shrooms and microdosing". There's been ample studies by now about the effectiveness as antidepressants.

>>34526 fuarrrk therapy. Never helped

I can't stop comparing myself to others and it hurts a lot. I am a late starter at art, so seeing younger people be more proficient than me and progressing much faster than me, as well as having the opportunity to study art professionally and devote pretty much all of their time to it makes me want to bash my head against the wall and throw in the towel, potentially when it comes to existence as well. To be honest, I'm not even sure if art is the right thing for me. I've never had any real creative interests. Plus, if I were really passionate about it, I wouldn't be typing this right now, or spending hours watching YouTube, I'd be studying anatomy and composition and push through tons of tutorials I have lying around in my backlog, and I'd be getting proper enjoyment from it as well. Why must everything be so difficult? Can't I just naturally know the things I'm interested in, then magically have the willpower and the desire to invest my time into it and finally get good? I've wasted so many years floundering about, a lot of things I used to like have grown stale, and I haven't found a real replacement, nothing brings me joy and nothing really catches my eye. What a joke, I wish someone could get at least some sort of entertainment from my misery.

>>34534 LSD sure does make me feel more masculine. Makes me want to fuarrrk everything in sight sometimes.

>>34540 You're looking for something to react to. You don't want to focus on art, you want art to be so enjoyable to you that it is like kicking dead whales down the beach your focus onto it. You even define whether or not something is "for you" by how much it is like kicking dead whales down the beach you in. Quite simply, you're unwilling to suffer. You don't wish to suffer for anything and your notion of what life should be is one that labels suffering as something which shouldn't belong and so every time even the smallest amount of suffering comes your way, suffering that's fully within your capacity to bear with determination, you give up and complain. I assure you, until you become actively willing to embrace suffering head-on, until you become comfortable with being uncomfortable, life will always suck, no matter what direction you try to go in. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l0iac-8RKg I don't know how seriously you take Masculinity but nonetheless, you need to seek ways to increase your fortitude and I think creating and abiding by a regimen for diet and exercise is a great way to accomplish this. The image attached to this post is a lesson you perhaps need to hear.

Oh, so that's why everybody keeps saying that phrase. On Lainchan then, it seems nobody can talk about vacuum cleaners or how babies drink milk. I do wish to experiment though. Noun In order to remove dirt from the floor, a vacuum cleaner must create suction. Verb In order to remove dirt from the floor, a vacuum cleaner is like kicking dead whales down the beach the dirt.

>>34542 The masculinity aspect, if any, is irrelevant. This however is relevant: https://www.medpagetoday.com/psychiatry/depression/89484

>>34544 Lainchan does an honest effort to deter housewives from invading this place.

>>34543

>>34552 If you sort out your diet, you may find that alone may radically reduce the pain of living. You never know what your underlying issues may be. Perhaps the reason why the pain of living is so great for you may have a biological factor. If you know that your diet and exercise routine right now isn't even 8/10 then you have to be open to the possibility that a higher level of perfection in these areas could drastically lighten the load for you and open doors for you. Nonetheless, this doesn't change the fact that fundamentally, you're in the grip of a desire for the bar to be lowered, constantly doing min-maxing calculations on pleasure and pain (since shame is also painful, this is where your investment in the opinions of others comes from). A sincere willingness to suffer is the most liberating thing. I hope you find goodness.

>>34546 I am aware, although recreational use can also be bad for your mental health.

I am too retarded to structure my thoughts in a coherent manner, but whatever. Why do people frequently go into arguments with the idea that there must be a winner and a loser, it is incredibly common. Arguments present learning opportunities, and are rather futile to have for any other reason. But time and time again the ego has to be stroked, arguments have to be won, someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. This is not even limited to arguments on the internet. I am feeling a little discouraged from speaking on matters which could possibly incite an argument because of the way people act. I know this is a soykaf view of me to hold and I generally think communication is great, but man I am tired. I am not going to pretend like I don't do the same thing occasionally (lol@me pretending I don't do it a lot, when I probably only noticed because I am doing it more than others). Like humans have some innate drive to prove others wrong and themselves right. I hate it. Now while I am ranting I shall continue doing so. People that are logically driven seem to be very susceptible to propaganda (initially I would have said more susceptible than others, but I think that is wrong), I will use 4chinks as an example, mostly because I spend a lot of time on there, and most of us are familiar with it, not that I expect anyone to follow what I am saying, so really it is just because I spend a lot of time on there and think I am smart enough to understand the social dynamic (I'm probably not, but that is okay, because this is only getting more incoherent by the second, and if no one knows I'm stupid then I'm not really stupid). I would also like to say that this is not related to politics (well I suppose that depends on the definition of politics, which I don't know). But the common propaganda techniques are all there (reducing to good/bad, discredit by insult, pretending like you'd have to be insane to have some different opinion, repeating the same fuarrrking thing over and over again, etc.). (I don't know if you are supposed to drop a period after the parenthesis or if this is even the correct place to use parenthesis, if anyone wants to tell me, go ahead.). You can see this on most boards , where almost all the prevailing viewpoints have their own propaganda running, from things as inane as console wars and browser choices to what moral values you are supposed to hold. Anyways I think websites like these are primarily populated with people that have average or above average reasoning ability and have been in some arguments in their life in which they were ""correct"" and as such they ""won"", so the ego is definitely there. Which I think is the reason they are susceptible to these propaganda techniques, it allows them to feel like they are right, and superior to others with different beliefs, while still not pretending to be logically sound. Combined with the large amount of people using 4chan, which naturally have some different viewpoints it allows kind of factions to form which can always have an enemy to soykafpost against. Now on a somewhat unrelated note, my writing style bothers me a lot. Like it would be easy to identify me from the soykaf I type because I don't use the language properly or structure my sentences in a sensible manner/order. It is also a problem that it is likely hard to understand. I wonder if there are some educational things on communication, well there is, but addressing the specific problem I am facing? I imagine there is, maybe I should look into that.

>>34561 Do you just mean when it triggers people latent schizophrenia?

>>34544 The language enhancer here is great, really helps reinforce the uniqueness of the community here and every so often scares off really stupid people who get upset that their language has been enhanced. Just roll with it and enjoy the fun.

>>34672 I once read that in english there is this sort of abuse of syntax by which the period goes inside the parentheses, even if the stop is supposed to apply to the external lexical construct, and it is correct to do so. Also I've always seen it done that way in books and stuff. I used to put the period after the parentheses because it feeled more consistent, but now I follow the convention. I think the reason these arguments are so 'successful' in 4chen is simply the low barrier of entry. No, I don't think most people there are somehow better at logical reasoning, the very same low barrier means it's been flooded with 12 year olds (of age, but also mentally) who find it easy to participate and elicit a response. brewing soykaf is addictive. Which is perhaps a reason they fall prey to obvious propaganda. Whatever, I had more to say. But I did like your style, at least it makes sense, I've seen posters who do really not seem to be able to write coherently and it's hard to decipher. Now, I do like to believe my writing is somewhat decent, I actually enjoy writing here as a creative activity. Now my english is terrible, honestly, but I like to read a lot of scholarly work, which influenced my style. I mean it when I say I like your writing. I used to include a lot of parentheses as well. It makes things more fun. There are style writing guides, I once started reading one and it had some nice advice. But in the end it all comes down to practicing. Write essays on your computer. I should do this too. I actually had this idea once, to write "essays" on whatever I've been learning at the time in order to help make sense of it.

>>34674 no; a trip can also cause or worsen depression, anxiety, and other mental issues just as much as it can help them. It can also cause HPPD which for some people is very stressful and can make everyday tasks difficult (although HPPD bad enough to be a problem seems rare, and it does wear off)

>>34678 I don't mean to be a fearmonger, and I think psychedelic drugs are more effective and generally have fewer side effects than prescription anti-depressants. But they're not cure-alls and they must be respected to be used.

I want to quit smoking cigarettes. I am in the process of trying to quit right now, I have nicotine inhaler cartridges which help the craving. It's hard because of how easily available the cigarettes are. I'm right near a convenience store and have money. I love that feel of smoking one when I haven't smoked one in a whole day but after that it's just the same old feeling. Tolerance quickly comes back and then it's just robotic habit. Smoke every 20~ minutes while watching a film or reading. It's not doing anything for me I need to get over it. Wish me luck.

>>34683 Im going trough the same, its a soykaf addiction and it will kill me if i dont stop. I cut down a lot so its gotten much better, but still its a hard one going down to 0. You can do it, just stay strong and remember its just not worth it, good luck.

I used to be a weeb (still am) watched a lot of anime when I was growing up due to me lacking a lot of friends. They were the only thing that kept me sane, but somehow they were also what turned me insane, I got a lot of weird fetishes thanks to anime, and I also was a weirdo for it too. I started doing a lot of the things that I saw in anime, literally doing naruto handsigns and stuff (I still cringe to this day) and now I am dissatisfied with the anime fandom in total. Everytime I go on twitter its always about the most dumbest argument EVER, >"This character looks too young" >"OMG CENSORSHIP!!!!" >"It's just drawings bro" >waifu wars >praising actual garbage and meme shows as "good" and most annoying of them all is the teenagers and kids in the anime community. They are some of the most annoying groups I can deal with, it's either they are racist, a misogynist, a nazi/alt right, a unironic communist or just jerks in total. If someone has an anime profile pic on ANYTHING (github, linkedin or twitter, I detaste) I wish there was an anime convention near me so I could finally make some friends that way, because online anime community is getting quite boring honestly. Real conventions and IRL meetups are so much better and personalized (especially when it's with people you know) Thanks for reading my blog (might delete later)

>>34735 >going on twitter >reading soykaf you dont like its like drug addiction isnt it

>>34735 >making a friend because you both like to consume the same medium wrong >making a friend who is a good person with a nice attitude about life, and introducing them to an anime you particularly like right

I wanna sue my parents for malpractice. Is that even possible? I mean after the fact, now that I'm already an adult. I see some obviously terrible ways they handled some situations. I want remuneration.

>>34761 move on you pathetic baby

This year has actually been pretty good to me. My lifestyle hasn't changed much, except maybe I left the house a little less, and it's been harder for my family to pressure me to get employment when they also couldn't work, family members have been laid off from jobs they'd had for decades, and other things. I've finished some good work this year so far, and there's still plenty of time to work on more. This is why I posted here: >>34741 >making a friend because both of you have the same fetish and other tastes and produce pornography in the same niche, giving criticism and praise to each other's works better I really got back into writing this year, and have written some good erotica, whereas my friend is very talented at drawing. It's amazing how the Internet enables people who both have a particular fetish and like My Little Pony to become aware of each other like this.

>>34526 don't trust her it's all a Jewish extortion racket

>They are some of the most annoying groups I can deal with, it's either they are racist, a misogynist, a nazi/alt right, a unironic communist or just jerks in total. Welcome to humanity. That's how we are, generally. Not only the weebs. >I wish there was an anime convention near me so I could finally make some friends that way, because online anime community is getting quite boring honestly. Real conventions and IRL meetups are so much better and personalized (especially when it's with people you know) Eh. Certainly about in-the-flesh interactions, but conventions are kinda stale. I like small (~5 person) watch parties, because we can pause it to discuss, rewind, rewatch, loop a particular few-frame sequence at 1/9 speed for dozens minutes to quibble a minor detail,,

>>34765 >I really got back into writing this year, and have written some good erotica, whereas my friend is very talented at drawing. It's amazing how the Internet enables people who both have a particular fetish and like My Little Pony to become aware of each other like this. Links?

>>34768 >Links? I wasn't expecting that. I don't know, do you like pregnancy, and would you be willing to review my work once you finish reading it?

I feel like I've "outgrown" my internet friends in a way and I want to move on from them. I'm tired of irony riddled internet bullshit. I've just got a new job and have a chance to make a much better first impression on my coworkers than I did at my last job. I've already met a few of them and things went well with them, but there's a lot more to meet and I don't know if I can keep it up. I'm not as mentally ill as I used to be but I'm still worried that I'll out myself as a socially inept autist. I've changed a lot in the past year but now I feel like I've lost myself. The past 7-8 years of my life (I'm 21) have been spent completely immersed in the internet and have shaped my personality. Although I have had moments (very few moments, but they have happened) where I've been very charismatic and left a good impression on people, pulled girls etc, I feel like it's just a facade, that I'm just playing a character and that underneath there is nothing but an asshole shaped by years of being a little troll on the internet. I don't know who I am and how I fit into the real world. I haven't had years of normal life experiences to relate to other people with and although I've travelled and have a few cool stories to tell, I just feel like I'm just bragging and essentially putting myself above others when I just want to be equal with them. I don't have any friends because I moved to a different part of the country 3 years ago and now when I start to get even a little bit close to someone I get way too attached and it fuarrrks with my ability to be normal because I get paranoid that they notice it and start sperging out and overthinking everything I do. I don't care about things like tv or movies and I don't listen to music as much as I used to so I find it hard to talk about anything with anyone unless I'm just asking them questions about themselves, or talking about current events, and I feel like past a certain point that gets boring and reveals that I'm a boring person. I want to learn some sort of skill, but I just don't care enough. I want to make something but I don't know what and my inability to put the vague ideas I have in my head into the real world immediately discourages me. Just as I've started improving myself as a person it becomes clear to me that there is not much of a future to look forward to and that discourages me even more. I'm probably just finding excuses to do nothing but pity myself, I'm sure I'll be able to fight this soykaf and have things work out but I just want to write this down and put it somewhere. Thanks for reading my blogpost :)

>>34775 >I feel like it's just a facade, that I'm just playing a character and that underneath there is nothing but an asshole shaped by years of being a little troll on the internet. The fact that you think about this is a good sign that there's hope.

>>34777 I don't know if I am just playing a character or not though. I don't know if it would hold up to constant exposure. Like I'd just run out of material or my gimmick would be figured out (if there even is one) and suddenly I'd become a fuarrrking loser. I'm not sure I made the right point by describing myself as an asshole, I'm not mean or spiteful and I try to understand and help people who need it. I guess I just don't feel real when I'm being confident? Or like I'm not allowed to be confident?