I have really enjoyed lockdown, its been nice to be on my own and learn more about myself. What I actually like doing without external influences kind of shifting my actions. Now I'm going back to my university studies and seeing people again. It's really difficult, when I am in these situations I feel as if I am on auto-pilot. My heart and calves are beating very quickly but I'm trying to look as cool as possible. I can't speak properly, I can't draw properly. What's most frustrating is that my memory and other intellectual functions start to shut down. I'l be mid way through a sentence and forget a name then just be silent. I also struggle to hear what people are saying because my internal monologue is so loud. It feels as if I have been possessed by the people around me. Like the person who I am is trapped inside what people think I am. I can usually catch this feeling when it's happening and even though I know its happening and I'm trying my best to fight it, theirs such a battle going off in my mind that I cant enjoy the social situation. I have tried drawing while this is going on, the drawings are very childlike, like my imaginary eye has been closed as well. I wonder if anybody else is getting what I mean, feel so crazy meeting people again.