letters thread?

I can't stop thinking about someone from my past. Every day I imagine what I'd say, I could probably write a million letters. figured if vent thread is /hum/ content so would a letter thread. ITT we write letters to people who will never read them

suppose I'll start. I think about you every single day. I always have, after all these years. It's been so long I feel like I've lost any hope I had of seeing you again. You reached out to me and I didn't answer. I wanted to. The time was always off. I can't do anything now. I drink and ignore and think of you when it's late and there's nothing else. I miss you so bad but I know if I could see you nothing would change, the hole would be worse. We'd go through the dance of building up and breaking down till you're gone again. I wish I could just start over, all the way back when we were kids and I would get us out of there and go anywhere we wanted. I'm still in love with you I think. I don't know anymore. I'm so scared to die I wanna live forever, but god I can't live like this. In my mind, everything is different. My body works right, I'm in control, you're there. But it's not better. Everything now is probably better, we're better not knowing each other. So much happened. I can't think right, I'm too scared now. I want to be strong. I project all these ideas that you would understand me but you never did. And it's not your fault, I'd never let you know enough. I still don't. You're in everything I read. You're in the sunsets. When I can't focus I think of you. God I wonder what you're doing. I can't ask. I hear you're with someone and he makes you light up. I'm happy for you and it makes me fuarrrking sick. I can't know that you're doing better now, without me. You can't know I'm doing worse. None of them can. I'm not gonna finish school. I'm so fuarrrking close and I can't do it, I tried so hard this week and I barely got through, I'm still behind. Remember when we were kids and the days were so much longer? There was enough time to take care of both of us. I wish there still was. I'm falling apart Lain. I want to get some money and move far far away. I dream that after I do I'll run into you in some run down bar and you'll come with me. Maybe we could be happy, we could certainly try. I still believe in always. I'm just waiting for it.

I have a pile of letters that I never sent... I guess I can post them here since I no longer even know what happened to the people I was going to send them to. I started shredding them but sometimes I wonder if I could just send one, maybe things would change. On a side note, what do Lains use to write letters? Dear Lain, How are you enjoying living in Germany these days? I remember how we used to talk about traveling the world when we were kids, and after all these years I have moved all over, and I think of you often when I see a new place. I hope life is going good for you, and I hope that you finally fulfilled your dream of being a reporter. I have spent a lot of lonely years, but I always remember those hot summer days when we would sit together in the shade behind school and talk about what our plans in life were. It's funny how life never goes where you expect it to. Sometimes I think about those words you said to me, when it seemed like the whole world was against me, and only you were there to cheer me up. I remember laughing and acting like what you said was silly. But you were right, I guess I will never be normal and now I realize that just like you said that isn't a bad thing. I think that I appreciate you because you accepted me because I didn't go along with the rest of society. Where others saw an outsider, you accepted me as a friend. I miss your sweet laugh and your wise optimism, and the way you would fight the world just so you could be yourself no matter who told you who you should be. There isn't really a reliable way to get in touch with me, and I changed my address a lot, but you can write me back at ,,,,,,,,, I would love to hear from you, and I wish you all the best. With love, Lain