/vent/ Corona virus edition

Last thread >>21603 I never thought I'd say this but, being stuck at home is kind of boring now.

Im not going to lie, at the begging O was struggling a lot, because last year I isolated myself and I wanted to improve this one ;_; but now im enjoying it, take it as a time to reflex and do something you like, stick to a routine, it makes it easier. gl

I hate that I give so little priority to things like practicing programming and that kind of stuff. It puts things in perspective, knowing there is no excuse to not be doing it.

I'm stuck doing an absolutely pointless degree in linguistics and I'm also studying a language I personally dislike because my family told me to. I wish I could do something else, but learning languages is one of the few things I'm semi-interested in and the only thing I'm good at. I'm trapped, forced to continue doing what I'm doing despite not wanting to. Even if I were to try to quit, to learn something else, to pursue whatever as a career, I'd most certainly fail. I'm only nineteen, but I feel like I've already lost my opportunity for change, it's too late, too risky, and I don't even know what I'd like to learn. It's like a massive slide existing in an otherwise completely empty space: it starts out real wide when you're a kid, and then it branches as you grow older, and each branch gets narrower and narrower, until there's no place left to turn and you're stuck in this rut; if you try to get out, you fall down into a bottomless pit, into a state of absolute uncertainty and precariousness for an indefinite amount of time. Horrible.

Don't think of her. Don't think of her. Don't think of her. She doesn't like you. Nobody likes you. Stop imagining being with anyone. You're not entitled to be loved by anyone. You're not meant to be. You're only meant to be alone.

Why do we love the boot? Why do we listen to their reasons for dominating us? why do we believe them? Authority and Law defining the ideal specimen they want to produce. Shaping our form with a scalpel so precise and thin we forget it exists.So we more efficiently build their dreams with our burnt and and mangled bodies. Indifferent to our well-being, needs, and consent.

This may or may not sound assholeish, but i honestly pray all of mankind will die out soon.

>>24225 Realistically, mankind will survive this crisis, learn from the mistake and get even more resistant.

I work at a grocery store so things have been "normal" except I work at the alcohol section and get lots of customers on certain days since I live in Pennsylvania and the beer distributors and state-owned liquor stores are closed. Then people are bemused by the restaurant license the store has since it limits purchases to 192 fluid ounces of beer and 3 liters of wine per transaction so they have to take a 15 can pack of beer to their cars and then come back to buy a six pack. Of course then can buy that 15 pack with two 1.5 liters of wine since beer and wine are categorized separately. Yeah, I know how laughable it really is. It also makes me envy the alcohol selling laws of other states. A couple of people have been dickheads such as a self-entitled former US Marine reservist who threatened to have me fired if I did not say "please" to him and I wish if he had been deployed, he had gotten the IED treatment by al-Qaeda warriors. Another was a fat truck driver who got into a brief attitude with me and I asked him to calm down resulting in him daring to call my manager down just so that he could make me look bad. He eventually calmed himself but I still wish he would get a heart attack or a stroke. Much of me wishes this would lead to the rise of National Tribalism or National Anarchism but that is wishful thinking. Worst case scenario, I will run into a forest with whatever weapons and tools I can pack and just hunt, fish, and forage. Perhaps I will live like a Scythian. >>24225 Who hurt you? Usually people who honestly and seriously wish such things have very negative experiences with others, self-hate, or are psychopaths. I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and presume something bad happened to you.

>>24227 >who hurt you Not that guy, but please take that phrase back to reddit where it belongs. That's such a cynical and condescending way to ridicule somebody. As if you actually care about their mental state and what past event formed such an opinion. Don't masquerade a put-down as genuine empathy, that's gross. It's always a rhetorical question meant to paint someone as crazy, barely any different from "take your meds." Granted, his is a very misanthropic view to have--but he's already aware and admits it might make him sound like an asshole. And honestly misanthropy is pretty common, even among people without any kind of trauma. Sometimes it's hard to look at human history and our future possibilities and not come to such a nihilistic conclusion. I personally don't feel that way, but I still get it. You've never thought about what we've done and what we're doing and had some slight temptation to think "maybe humans are bad for the world?" I mean looking at climate change I have a hard time forming a hopeful opinion, thought I still stubbornly persist.

>>24218 I remember feeling that way at nineteen, and it's a complete illusion. Doesn't help that other people seem to believe it and reinforce it with hysterical prognostications of doom if you ever decide you want to slightly deviate in your career. Don't believe it. Don't learn something you hate just because your family tells you to. Don't get a degree in underwater basket weaving either, mind you--but you are not running on rails just yet. That's one of the most damaging things about our society, imo. The years you are in are meant for experimentation and risk. It actually has a purpose to be aimless and rebellious and explore for a while; people damage their futures by denying it. You don't know what you want from life because you haven't ever stepped outside your incredibly narrow--supposedly pragmatic--lane, so of course you can't decide or even conceive of your passion. You haven't gathered any data yet. Take a risk. Not a totally foolhardy risk; risk management is a skill to learn now. You have to learn the balance between risk and reward, learn the meaning of opportunity cost. People will shriek about it, but it's mostly out of misplaced concern for you. They did the same thing when they were young and then promptly forgot what being young is like. Taking no risks is often just as dangerous to a career as taking huge, stupid risks. You've gotta stand up for yourself and use the youth you have the way it's meant to be used. It's not a hedonistic spree, but it's also not supposed to have the restrictive, conservative pragmatism of middle-age projected on it by people who don't remember or understand your situation at this age.

>>24215 I completely and wholeheartedly regret losing most of my 20s doing some pointless degree in some garbage college. Did not make any real friends, realized the company I kept where nothing short of complete assholes and I turned away those who could have been great friends. My complete ineptitude in social matters (a mix between autism and non ironical imbecility) always kept me from realizing the great picture of things and made me fail functioning as a normal person would had. Now years have gone by since graduation, nothing really changed in me, merely more older/uglier and still just as socially stupid, so I cannot qualify even for wageslaving. Kept trying to educate my self but lately cannot even find energy to work on anything properly. Don't really have any desire for a sex life or whatever. Cannot really enjoy anything anymore, realizing a depression is starting to show its face in my mind and cannot really do much to stop it. Good thing I have some family that keep me some company, If not for them I just might have committed a hero already. Even if sounds contradictory, not gonna lie, I still want to live, cannot really escape survival instinct. However this complete loser state added to other personal affairs and the current bleak state of the world and just makes me wonder whats the fuarrrking point anyway. Just cannot stop being a retard and a burden, no matter what I do. I have it clear in my mind that I must keep working towards something in my life else this feeling will just get worse, however just leaving this rant here to vent a bit.

>>24220 Yeah. As somebody who remembers everyone absolutely freaking the fuсk out over an honestly pretty insignificant event like 9/11 (on a global scale at least) and shovel all their rights and independence into the incinerator just to assuage their own anxieties--not even for any significant amount of real security, only the appearance of it--I can't believe people are reacting this way again so soon. We can't expect that a disaster won't happen once or twice a century and kill a few million people. This is the real world, grow the fuсk up. The way people are panicking is just so embarrassing. I don't mean to minimize the risk of the disease, but the fallout from this kind of reaction is going to ruin lives for generations. It's so spineless, stupid, and craven. But just like in the aftermath of 9/11, everyone sanctimoniously insists that this is the only rational path, that dissenters who don't want to invade Iraq or try to do a global quarantine for eighteen fuсking months are the crazy and irresponsible ones. Afterwards, once the smoke clears, everybody is going to suddenly get amnesia and retcon their opinions and claim they were always against the reactionary, stupid panic which caused us all to dismantle our world and our rights at an astonishing pace. We can't do this every time we encounter something dangerous, or even just the sensation of danger. Bad things must happen occasionally. Mankind needs to get a fuсking grip.

>>24218 I should have gone into linguistics years ago. Instead I went to trade school, and now I have bad eyes, ears, and my body is broken and I have not even hit 30. You are 19, don't let the existential dread set in. It only gets harder and harder to pull yourself up. You can do whatever you want, and language can open the door to any other skill, because you have the gift of communication. Look at where you want to be in 30 years, then make stepping stones to get there. If you have a passion for something, turn your current situation into an opportunity. Nothing is certain, just be able to take life as it comes and you will do fine. to be honest fam, this also means you need to toughen up mentally, have some respect for yourself man! I know it isnt what you want to hear, but think about what you can do with your life. It isn't all doom and gloom pic unrelated unless you want a demon loli to drink away your sorrows with

>>24220 >>24231 Consensus doesn't exist. Did you miss all the people not caring? Media has been crying like harpies for a while already over people ignoring the panic and going on as always. >>24234 trade school seems too general. I.E. Rugby players get hardcore wrecked compared to sports like table-tennis.

>>24235 I know there is no real consensus among everyone, obviously there are enormous numbers of people who understand almost instinctively that this is not going to work because they've been poor for generations and face dangers worse than corona on a daily basis. They see the writing on the walls, that the hammer's coming down on them. But they don't have any power. The consensus among those who have the power to command society either into hiding or into action building new hospitals and tackling the pandemic while stimulating the economy--they are all parroting the naive recommendations of doctors who only think about it in terms of disease transmission and casualties directly related to the virus. Totally ignoring all other non-viral factors and consequences. And yes, at first they were in denial as well. Back when it counted, when they could have nipped it in the bud. But that's their curse; the short news cycle and the tiny attention span/laser-focusing effect of media only lets them consider one thing at a time. We act like it's a free market, but in reality we have this weird bizarro/mirror-universe version of a communist command economy, except instead of control belonging to the state, it belongs to a very small number of monopolized or duopolized and cabal-forming conglomerates that in effect are pseudo-states and quazi-governments. They command the economy according to their whim and their esoteric internal cultures. If they say shut down, the economy shuts down. And of course the state is joining in with that. And whaddaya know--legislators, executives, and any and all higher-ups in both public and private-sector sold off all their stock and hunkered down back when the official line was still denial. Almost like they're taking advantage of their economic sabotage in order to pump incredible amounts of capital upwards. Exactly like the great depression. This is one of the classic market cons. Not saying they made the virus or anything, and once again I believe it is in fact disastrous and dangerous. But this reaction to it is nonsensical and evil. Doomed. We are acting like we can't increase the capacity of healthcare, that our only option is to slow the spread by slowly sliding into some kind of marshal state of enforced isolation. All the while, the rich won't even let a crumb tumble down to give people the resources they need to keep the home they're cooped up in. It's monstrous.

>>24236 Going to be interesting to watch the inevitable land-grab and consolidation of property ownership after all the covid evictions play out. People should pay attention to the parties that scoop up all those suddenly vacant and criminally cheap homes. 2008 was so recent; our populace is so amnesiac, totally unmoored. We have zero ability to learn from our past. These vultures can swoop in each decade and just cannibalize millions.

I'm getting mood swings and insomnia again. Always happens when I'm living with my parents.

>>24218 >>24234 What's with techies going linguistic? I'd imagine a CS or math would be the ideal path for someone who ins interested in learning programming

>>24230 going for cs, I can relate but this virus is not making it easier for me

>>24240 You can console yourself not having the worst position. biology/chem is kill since labs closed and you need lab for both.

I wanted to spend this time learning C, but I spent it drinking and playing video games. fuarrrk, I hate my ability to commit.

Been trying to alert people for quite some time (after end of January to be exact) after I saw how fast the chinese came into to quarantine Wuhan and Hubei province. I remembered reading somewhere that Mao talked about not caring even if 50% of population of China died because of nuclear war because 500 mil people is still enough which told me about the mentality of CCP and Chinese politicians and leaders. And it was kind of weird for that heartless people to have that immediate and direct approach over a virus that was only 10 or so days out in the wild. Most people just brushed me off, made fun of me or fake coughed around me when I made those concerns. Now I see nothing but jealousy in their eyes when they see my equipment and preparedness. However, I didn't wish for this thing to happen and impact was even greater than I would imagine (and I needed to restock some things to prepare myself even more). The economic impact was really shocking to me, I didn't see it going to that extreme. My plans for this year were fuarrrked since day one that I heard that Wuhan was shut down. But even that is neglitable to soykaf I and most of you will have to deal with in upcoming years. I am doing few projects to keep my mind occupied and not think of the virus but I know a lot of soykaf that will go down and it is eating me from the inside. Anywho, I did 5 projects during the quarantine and it was never boring to me. I would either troll online or make projects or go and sneak out to my gf for loving and food. I made sure everyone around me knows the protocols for proper disinfecting and protection so there is no fear from that vector of infection but I fear for general public more than you can imagine. A lot of people will die of hunger from the economic impact.

>>24243 >A lot of people will die of hunger from the economic impact. Hope if it comes to this, governments would start giving out food and stop pretending that growing staple in 2020 is not practically free after the modern infrastructure is set up. Oil prices also plummeted, meaning that infrastructure is now much cheaper to operate. Supply lines for parts and repairs are disturbed due to the quarantine, but it can get optimized over time. Won't be surprised if China would take the lead in that, to show off the power of communism^W having actual factories full of specialists on their soil built by countries from all over the world.

>>24227 I hate customers, there can be 20 decent ones and one bad but you're always on edge for that bad one. Even if they act all smiley, they can freak out if you don't say "you're welcome" with an equal amount of passion. Always waiting for the next thing you 'did wrong'. Anyway, extra hard work only rewards bad management. >>24228 I guess I kinda agree you're supposed to vent on vent threads, not give people rose water enema's. >>24231 It's easier to just work as if everyone is an addict, maybe not addicted to physical drugs but they're constantly trying to get high.

>>24245 Government will not give you food. They will just put military and police in the streets to control riots. Oil prices are going to plummet until hyperinflation hits. Supply lines are disrupted due to general quarantine that affects 4.2 billion people at the moment. In fact most people are thinking this pandemic will stop globalization of production and world transfer of resources and instead nationalizing factories through defense production act and its analogues all over the world. Viktor Orban already seized power in preparation of this. Reason china reopened factories is because they know they can't stop second wave and because they know that due to overwhelmed hospitals it is cheaper and easier to make people self-quarantine or just work through it. "Herd mentality" type of thing even though they don't care about it anymore. Most of chinese are already infected and asymptomatic by moderate epidemiological estimates of real numbers based on confirmed numbers (even after you take in the number that china is lying about their numbers)

>>24229 Thanks for your advice. I don't think I'll be able to act upon it, sadly. Although I wish to break out of this monotony, try new things and eventually live my life, a part of me doesn't. I've had an extremely sheltered upbringing and a lot of things were decided for me by my parents, even a lot of the more trivial stuff. In the end, I'm extremely obedient, I've never had a real opportunity to make my own decisions, I lack the resolve and experience needed and fear taking risk in general. As for the part of me that doesn't want to change things, like you said, I've never stepped outside my lane, and this is what's anchoring me: Why take risk and try new things which you may like, if you've been walking down this path for years already? You may not like it, you may find it boring and awful, but it's secure, you know? It's a vicious cycle, really, and I don't know how to break it. And I used to completely relish it in the past, back in middle school I'd be proud of how my life was basically planned years ahead (even though these plans were mercilessly destroyed by external circumstances later), I disdained all things "childish" and I used to be extremely stuffy and conservative in my opinions, I was thinking like a stereotypical middle-aged office worker (and still do, to an extent). I live with my parents, and while they aren't as controlling as they used to be, I can still feel the weight of trying to live up to their expectations and listening to what they have to say. I don't want this to sound like I'm making excuses or trying to sound as much "Oh woe is me" as possible. I don't want to wallow in my own misery, I don't want to be spineless, I want things to change, but it's difficult. I wish there was a reliable way for people like me to fix themselves, and it'd be grand to talk with someone who has the same set of problems as me, even if it wasn't productive. >>24234 Thanks for the reassurance. >language can open the door to any other skill, because you have the gift of communication That's what I tell myself when I feel bad about my situation. And it's not entirely wrong. Thanks for reminding me about this. >Look at where you want to be in 30 years, then make stepping stones to get there >If you have a passion for something >Nothing is certain I have a lot of problems with these things. I can't envision myself anywhere in 30 years, I have no idea what I want to do, I don't exactly have a passion, and uncertainty is my scourge. I hope I'll make myself change someday. Realization is the first step, as they say.

I think I might be a schizoid. That in itself is not worrying (to me, at least), but I am worried it will develop into schizophrenia; this doesn't happen often, but it does happen. I still have a few more years for symptoms to manifest. Am I worrying too much?

>>24243 What supply and equipment do you have? I'm gonna start hoarding mask and water, it's crazy how ignorant some americans are when it comes to serious things like a pandemic. People made fun of others for hoarding paper toilets and now there's a national lockdown.

>>24255 go to a doctor or take one of those online tests

>>24243 >A lot of people will die of hunger from the economic impact. Maybe overseas in poorer countries, but in the U.S. at least we always have a massive surplus of food due to corn subsidies. The shortages that you see in retail stores are merely a consequence of the just-in-time delivery that is not resistant to panic buying at all. Our national supply chain is actually very robust. There definitely is something to worry about w.r.t. economic impact though: large business that have been doing stock buybacks for years now (such as airlines) are looking for government money to bail them out, and they're probably going to get it with no strings attached. Like we saw in the 2008 housing crisis, low to medium wages will probably be hurt significantly while the upper class will recover in a year or two and continue their unsustainable growth. Politicians will use the adversity as an excuse to cut taxes, especially for the large corporations that fund them.

I fuarrrking hate doing online school. All my teachers are assigning 2-3x the work. I just wanna stay home and code all day :c

>>24260 2 weeks in and I still have not done any work for my online class ... this thing is a whole meme

>>24220 Normalcattle have been trained through schools,universities & media to acccept all authority without ever questioning anything .It is learned helplessness, all of their thoughts ,opinions and actions must be approved by some authority figure . They have been conditoned to not solve any of their own problems but to rely on governemt & corporations . Normalcattle will accept all kinds of suffering & all forms of slavery if they are promised convenience ,comfort & security. Even if the powers that be fail to deliver on any of their promises and make things worse the normalcattle will still beg them to fix things & give them more power and authority , they can not imagine a world without someone telling them how to live their lives.Through fear they program us to love tyranny

>>24263 >lmao look at these sheeple im so smart and independent i have never been under anyones influences or surrendered any freedom

>>24220 >Why do we love the boot? Because following authority unquestioningly prevents you from thinking AKA taking risks. Humanity deserves what is coming, it was all brought down by greed and stupidity and ultimately the desire to become animals again. Human beings today have the means to be enlightened in every possible way, immediate exchange of information worldwide for extremely cheap, they use it for porn and dumb soykaf that means nothing. There isn't even a criteria behind consumption, it's like pig feed. Here, pay 20$ you get a bunch of soykafty movies, people love this wholesale discount experience, they want it so much they have given up every ounce of their lives for it. This was never the responsibility of a few evil people who are money hungry, this comes from the very bottom, from the roots. It all happened because people wanted it and yelled and fought to have it worse and worse, they have been literally begging for it, ignoring or killing all the people who tried to warn them. So I'm very excited to witness humanity's collective lobotomy before I leave this soykafty world.

>>24257 >I'm gonna start hoarding mask There isn't any to buy, you're too late. (refer to my webm) If you're buying now you're most likely getting counterfeit or off brand stuff that doesn't work as good or even might be buying expired masks. Shortage is such a big thing that China is giving their masks to western countries for political good boy points because they know they will have their asses rammed by every country in next 20 years for this. >it's crazy how ignorant some americans are when it comes to serious things like a pandemic Most things that are supposed to test your conviction in your current way of life is completely dismissed or vehemently frowned upon. Ego tries to shelter and protect itself by however the person knows how to. Most people just know to ignore problems until they go away. Applying this type of mentality to pandemic is the worst way to go about doing things, but it's what people do anyways. We just have to tirelessly talk to them, calmly and precisely. So that they can prepare themselves. >People made fun of others for hoarding paper toilets and now there's a national lockdown In all seriousness toilet paper hoarding is dumb. Toilet paper manufacturers are mostly regional so supply chain disruptions don't really matter to them. There is no shortage of resources and in fact in some factories TP production ramped up by 15% in last few weeks. This, accompanied with existence of bidets and general other ways of cleaning yourself without TP is generally what makes other people make copypastas. Last thing you would need in pandemic is something to wipe your ass with. >>24259 >Maybe overseas in poorer countries, but in the U.S. at least we always have a massive surplus of food due to corn subsidies Wishful thinking. My mother always said that I should always prepare for the worst outcome. "Better to have an umbrella and not need it than not having it and needing it" type of ordeal. Surely the poorer countries will be hurt more, but only because of bad infrastructure and organization but USA will be hurt also. And not to comment on the "corn subsidies" thingy, corn has no nutrition value. If you eat it you will just literally soykaf it out because it is pure cellulose and undigestable. So please, you're just WANTING to not have my scenario come to fruition so you're throwing every argument you can. And I don't want to either buddy, but this economic impact is hardest in the history. People will die of hunger in USA due to economic impact of COVID-19. Mark my words. >The shortages that you see in retail stores are merely a consequence of the just-in-time delivery that is not resistant to panic buying at all. Our national supply chain is actually very robust. Again, short term and narrow tunnel vision. I am telling you, I have been broadcasting this soykaf going down from end of January and warning everyone. Economy will not reopen in 2 to 3 months and second wave of infections is coming in October. This isn't about shortages that are happening right now, but that WILL happen. Migrant workers are working in farms because they live in them and have to, to survive. Others have just gone home, those that can. >large business that have been doing stock buybacks for years now (such as airlines) are looking for government money to bail them out, and they're probably going to get it with no strings attached Wishful thinking by governments everywhere. They hope this thing will blow over in month or two so they don't want to lose "their" industry. Odds are they're just digging a bigger ditch. >>24260 And now you guys see that online schools are much more efficient in making people learn than just half assed coming to school and "listening" to lectures.

>>24270 So salty seeing this.

>>24270 >corn has no nutrition value This isn't true, but it doesn't really matter because farms can easily switch to different crops. Our potential agricultural capacity, in terms of how many people could be fed with the output of existing farms, is dramatically higher than our population, because much of it is wasted feeding livestock or is exported. The point of corn subsidies is to ensure that crops are wasted, so that more farmland will be maintained than is needed. As for the idea that farmers will abandon their fields for fear of the virus, that seems implausible, can you cite your source that they 'have just gone home'? They have bills to pay too, US farmers are notoriously plagued with debt, and the work doesn't seem particularly exposed to infection. I think the only way people die from hunger here is if the government does nothing to provide for the millions of newly unemployed. There is no realistic problem with the capacity of the food supply.

>>24286 >This isn't true My guy, ear of corn nutrition value picture attached. How much you gonna eat corn? You need 2000 calories a day. Not to mention zero carbohydrates that means fuarrrked up ketosis for most of population. >but it really doesn't matter There we go. Good job. >easily switch to different crops >>>easily Have you ever tried to grow something yourself or you just talking out of your ass? Do you know anything about agriculture? >Our potential agricultural capacity... is dramatically higher than our population >>OUR I don't think you know how economy works but let me give you a quick rundown. Farms you're speaking of that are thousands of acres long and wide, that take GPS and satellite communication controlled vehicles while farmer sips his beer in front of telly. Those farms they need money to keep churning. The only reason why they're that large in the first place is to stay competitive on the market. As demand rises up the prices rise up. As inflation rises up due to fuarrrked up economy the prices rises up. Now, your "OUR" could make some sense if politics of current Trump administration turns hard left into socialism, which I think Trump can even spin as being possible him being populist and all but even then. EVEN then, you are not seeing that farmers are one of the people that have highest numbers of guns in USA. How the fuarrrk are you gonna make them give you their farms for you if they don't want to? You gonna start a rebellion? Easy for you to say something like that when you're the one that has nothing to lose and everything to gain, and not being on the front lines of this battle and comfy talking down to everyone from your PC. Do you know anything of the real world boy? >farmers will abandon their fields Do you have problems with reading? I said "MIGRANT workers". Farmers use cheap mexican labor, everyone knows that. Most of that labor is untaxed and illegal. Mexicanos would rather die next to their family than be away from them while nobody works. >can you cite your source that they 'have just gone home'? You know, you used every tactic in the playbook to try and seem like the person in charge of this discussion. But this one gets on my nerves because it directly tells me that you don't trust me what I am saying, even though you misconstrue what I am saying every step of the way and purposefully change the goalpost or discussion all together. Now, I could have asked you for your citation of your claims every step of the way. The "farms can easily switch to different crops", "our potential agricultural capacity... is dramatically higher than our population" and so on. Because you're a dumbass, I will let you google things yourself from now on. >if the government does nothing to provide for the millions of newly unemployed haha good one, you're funny here's a pic for that too >There is no realistic problem with the capacity of the food supply. Rather technical and engineer way to look at the problem. But mistaken.

>>24266 you do not understand the point I am making , It is not about a single person being smart or Independent . People are controlled through public opinion & they will attack you if go against the worldview that has been implanted in them by the perception managers. Like the situation we are in now .Mainstream media hypes up the panic and now people have started to snitch on each other if someone is not following the new social distancing/quarantine norms ,they are panic buying supplies and act like assholes at the grocery stores .It is not possible to be independent or act normal amongst them because the media decides what the normal behaviour is and if you do not act according to the new normal you will be ostracized and attacked .You could say then why dont I live off the grid out in the woods ,forage/hunt for food and live in absolute freedom,I dont have money to buy land and why sould I live out in the woods , why cant the normalcattle break free from their conditioning and together build a better communty . I think building freedom oriented communities is a better solution to tyranny than building a cabin in the woods and you need smart & independent people for that not sheeple .

>>24287 >Do you know anything about agriculture? I know that farmers often adjust what they grow based on changing market demand. Are you saying this process takes years and can't be sped up? Otherwise you're just making a semantic argument about the word 'easily'. And even if we WERE locked into mostly corn, it would only start being relevant if something tanked overall output, which brings me to > Because you're a dumbass, I will let you google things yourself from now on. If you were going to provide one bit of evidence, it really should have been this one. All the other stuff you're talking about is tangential to whether output will fall below what is needed. This is the crux of the issue. Yeah I ask because it seems like bullshit and I don't believe it, but also because it's quantifiable and would be somewhat convincing if true. 'Educate yourself' is always a bad point and disappointing to see. >The only reason why they're that large in the first place is to stay competitive on the market. As demand rises up the prices rise up. As inflation rises up due to fuarrrked up economy the prices rises up. >Those farms they need money to keep churning So give them money? What's the problem? Are you thinking welfare=worthless USD? Massive unemployment, no one has money, everyone hoards cash, no one is spending except on essentials, these are deflationary things, not inflationary. Giving people enough money to purchase food is not going to lead to only being able to buy potatoes with gold and bitcoins. The government may very well fuarrrk this up, but it would be simple for them to get it right. >being on the front lines of this battle and comfy talking down to everyone from your PC. >Do you know anything of the real world boy? I wasn't trying to talk down to anyone, but you definitely are. Quit assuming the worst about anyone who doesn't type like you.

I wonder how my life would have been if I hadn't been slowly losing interest in everything I claim I enjoy for the past 10 years. Maybe I would have made more friends. Maybe even found someone to love. Probably would have had a lot more fun social experiences before work starts keeping everyone too busy for that. Doesn't help that I've always felt ashamed to talk about things I like, and even when I don't, I know so little about them that it's hard to hold a discussion. And because I have so little interest now, I can't be bothered to learn anything new about them.

>>24292 >Maybe I would have made more friends. Maybe even found someone to love. Probably would have had a lot more fun social experiences All of that stuff is garbage, you're only sad about it because you feel like you missed out

>>24234 Linguistics is pretty pointless, barely useful and barely practical. It's essentially about overanalysing language, all levels of it, and then wrapping your findings, however vapid, unsurprising and self-apparent they may be, in academic lingo. One good example of this is functional syntax and functional sentence perspective. The gist of it is: we communicate new information when we talk, and what we say depends on context. Mind-blowing, isn't it? More mind-blowing and mind-boggling is the fact that there are so many articles and books written on such a simple topic. Does this mean there's more to it? Something novel, perhaps? Not really. It has to do with another problem with linguistics (and a lot of social sciences in general, I guess), lack of consensus on things. Every researcher basically parrots things that have already been said, but, in order to stand out, they come up with their own terminology, which, in its essence, is the same terminology the researcher they're currently parroting used, except with some minor differences and insignificant, petty additions. This makes reading literature and making notes extremely painful. Realizing how pointless all of this is is also pretty degrading, personally. (The problem here may not be with linguistics per se, but with the way academia works, but whatever, it doesn't make it any less annoying) Bottom line is, linguistics isn't something exciting or practical. It belongs to the mental masturbation club, let sad old men and women dabble in it. And, last but not least, I wish to die.

I don't seem to be getting any better at computer security. The blogs and books I read are way above my head. The stuff I know from college was service level Computer science that I couldn't afford to finish and not applicable nor would anyone hire me for it. I'm stuck at help desk for awhile.

>>24310 This is cringe and reeks of high school kid who's good at maths and wants to talk down to all the cute girls taking English degrees. Linguistics > we communicate new information when we talk, and what we say depends on context. Mind-blowing, isn't it? Physics > stuff moves and equations describe that stuff. Mind-blowing isn't it? Medicine > people get hurt and what we do depends on the hurt. Mind-blowing isn't it? Linguistics is a deeply interesting field, and has many applications around the world if you think outside the box. Just because you don't study it doesn't mean it's not deep or hard.

>>24313 About the phrase you quoted: >We communicate new information when we talk, and what we say depends on context. Mind-blowing, isn't it? I wasn't describing linguistics as a whole. I was talking about functional syntax. Even if it was such a sweeping statement, it'd only cover pragmatics. Also: >Stuff moves and equations describe that stuff. Mind-blowing isn't it? >People get hurt and what we do depends on the hurt. Mind-blowing isn't it? Still more useful than most of the stuff linguistics and the majority of its subfields are concerned with, ha! On a more serious note, I don't hate everything linguistics has to offer, there are subfields and certain topics that I value a lot, like phonetics, phonology, historical linguistics, neurolinguistics and everything about language acquisition. These are interesting, their subjects are more concrete and defined, and there's little leeway for arguing semantics. And then, I don't entirely hate the things I hate: it's only when something that's simple and intuitive in nature is turned into an overly complicated mess, when linguists try to account for every exception and try to describe virtually everything in a language that I become impatient and cranky.

>>24314 I feel your usage of "usefulness" is so warped here. Knowing physics or maths to a high level isn't immediately useful in everyday life, to about 99% of the population, but linguistics would be. What are humans without our ability to communicate as well as we do? As a mathematician I am probably in one of the most rigorous and 'useful' fields there is, but it is so huge and there are many fields I personally dislike but they have their place, and applications can appear in unusual places. What to you is simple and intuitive is someone's life work. I also love the sheer ability of humans to be able to create a system which describes everything about "language", something which at the end of the day is quite elusive considering it's omnipresence. Same with philosophy, a large amount of academics have made little to no impact within this field, but it is such a supremely deep and interesting topic, it feels pretty shortsighted to tell them it's "pretty pointless, barely useful and barely practical".

>>24310 >i have never taken a class in theoretical computer science

I'm stuck all day at home. I'd like to go out and meet people. I've been planning on going out to a local computer meetup in town, but the pandemic shot that in the face, and no one wants to take a risk on hiring anyone.

>I never thought I'd say this but, being stuck at home is kind of boring now. Before, I'd egress only necessarily. Now?

>>24316 >i have never taken a class in theoretical computer science >theoretical That's the true devil right there.

>>24316 so math?

>no passions or goals or even hobbies in life >useless computer science degree >unable to learn programming and/or unable to teach myself programming because the tech industry is absolutely horrible >theres nothing else you can do in 2020 other than be minimum wage >virus has taken away even those jobs from me. It's not fuarrrking fair. I just want a career and a life. looks like i cant even get that. i wish i never went to college.

>>24335 You are insignificant.

>>24335 >>unable to learn programming and/or unable to teach myself programming because the tech industry is absolutely horrible bruh there are people who had nothing but a soykafty manual and a commodore who learned programming with no help from anyone, you have no excuse

>>24339 long rant why books are easier: I did that.I learned C++ with a book cause i had no internet at home. It wasnt harder than learning online now. It was easier since a book is self-contained linear progression and not fragmented. The only downside to a book is you're limited to the authors path. If he isn't interested in a particular topic you wont get it. Online you can look up anything but you pay for it with time spend trying to find it and the possibility to find nothing at all aka total failure. The last annoying part about online is often people will try to give you the equivalent of a mike tyson training plan when youre a 6year old kid asking about how to start boxing. I can appreciate it when a lead dev from intel is trying to help me with a reply but the skill gap is simply to wide to utilize his obscure knowledge because hes building on too much i dont know. Now for the single problem with books: They contain errors. Its not often but once i wasted 2 weeks trying to make it work until it occurred to me maybe the book was wrong. Only internet saved me with correct solution which allowed to progress further with the book.

Away from parents' house now. I slept well last night and started the day with some exercise. I think tonight I will read.

>>24243 >about the mentality of CCP and Chinese politicians and leaders Stupid? Do you mean 500 mil people is not enough?

>>24339 Those people grew up in an age where there was very little to do BUT focus on programming Those people grew up in an age where they could still romanticize programming. Those people weren't in my position where I studied it for 4 years and saw what was going on in industry and academia and realized how fuarrrking awful this stuff is.

>>24347 What exactly do you dislike about it? I find it quite fulfilling as a hobby.

>>24348 I am unable to learn how to program. i have no end goal or projects i want to do. the one time i did it was taken away from me before i even started. even if i were to master programming i would still dread getting a job because the tech industry is terrible and exists solely to make the world a worse place to live in

>>24215 The fact that everybody is stuck at home makes it all the more painful when nobody answers my phone calls. On the bright side I might get early inheritence from my rich abusive parents.

>>24348 Hobby is fun cause you don't deal or see corporate interests forcing soykafty practices. People turning hobbies into their job are frequently disappointed. >>24350 Overall infection rate is low. There are still plenty cities with 0 patients. What could hurt more is families stuck together all day going nuclear because they cant escape to their job etc from home and cool down like it usually would happen.

>>24354 >families stuck together all day going nuclear because they cant escape to their job etc from home and cool down like it usually would happen. I think that's what might happen since parents have been binge drinking since the beginning of confinement

Realistically, how concerned should I be that after over 8 months of isolation I don't really feel any different? Seeing people go crazy after a few weeks is making me wonder if something is wrong with me.

>>24350 the solution to your problem is simple, if you don't make phone calls people can't ignore those phone calls

>>24356 From what I'm seeing some people can't deal with the fact that they're not the center of attention anymore, which is why I see more and more cringy soykaf on my facebook wall lately. Like coworkers making cringy rap parodies, writing soykafty emo poetry and doing dance videos in their backyard.

>>24356 first: 8 months is pretty unrealistic for full-scale lockdown. There would be riots before then. second: my life has honestly not changed very much. Main difference is that I don't physically go to school any more and I no longer have a roommate. third: if you happen to be more resilient to these sorts of problems, nothing's "wrong" with you, that's a good thing.

>>24356 >Realistically, how concerned should I be that after over 8 months of isolation I don't really feel any different? >Seeing people go crazy after a few weeks is making me wonder if something is wrong with me. Maybe we are already crazy.

>>24356 >Realistically, how concerned should I be that after over 8 months of isolation I don't really feel any different? I'm also a shut-in and I think it's funny that normal people are going mad over staying at home constantly, especially considering technology like the Internet exists. >Seeing people go crazy after a few weeks is making me wonder if something is wrong with me. No, something's wrong with them. I've even seen reports of people killing their families after being cooped up with them like this. You could argue we're just used to the pain, but I prefer to think we're mentally stronger.

Recently, my wife was a victim of fraud. Bank won't cover it, expects her account to be out of the negs within 40 days, and I don't have the money currently to pay it off. Mother-in-law keeps hounding me, and asking me what I'm going to do about it, what my plan is, while offering no help to her daughter, despite being more than well off enough to help at least a little. She just resents her for getting married or something, who the fuarrrk knows. Naturally, this happens at just at the right time, too. Murphy's Law. The only thing that keeps me going is the vague idea that other people have dealt with this kind of bullshit before and gotten through it, and bitched about it less than me. Or the idea that I could some starving Kenyan in a mud hut, but it's getting real tough not to crack under the pressure. Feel like I'm going to explode, man.

I've been busy reading\hoarding papers from ACM conferences while they are free. Unironically having a good time since that's the only remaining hole in my personal library.

>>24442 fuarrrking hell, if that happened to me/my wife while going through financial hardships I wouldn't know what to do. I can only give you words of encouragement. Stay strong man, this is only temporary.

>>24358 Why do you even have facebook? Get the yourself out of zuckhell, there's literally no reason you need it.

>>24442 Use this opportunity to use a credit union, not a bank. Can't help you now, but I've been a victim of fraud/identity theft several times and my union has my back. Banks will just gape your asshole right after the criminals are done fuсking it raw.

it happened again, I thought it would be better but it's not

>>24480 Plenty of people are now, I'm just one of the particularly unlucky ones. Dark times ahead. Economic recession, blatant censorship, mass confusion, and loss of freedom so that these turbulent events may never happen again. >>24483 No doubt, you're absolutely right on that. That's why I've been in a credit union for a year now, but we hadn't gotten around to setting her up with an account in my union.

>>24501 >Is it possible to get brain damage from pressing on your carotid arteries for a couple of seconds (I don't know, maybe 10-15 seconds) without passing out or even getting (initially) dizzy? Almost certainly not. Usually brain damage follows unconsciousness. I know for a fact that it's safe to press on the jugular arteries for short periods of time. My former gf had a choking fetish and that's the way you're supposed to do it without risking collapsing the windpipe. You still need to be careful not to do it too hard for too long though.

>>24499 Yeah. Nobody really fully understands the economic and surveillance/totalitarian state hell that's coming. This is soooo much more fuсking dangerous than a virus. People do napkin math and bitch and whine about global covid death counts in the millions. Great, tons of things do that each decade. Who cares. This depression will kill hundreds of millions globally. This is dust bowl/holodomor/great Chinese famine territory. All because we can't nut up and take the blow from a random disease. These things will happen, and human hubris is to believe we can somehow manage it and avoid it completely. We avoided stepping in dog ѕһіt and stepped on a landmine instead, and to boot that landmine splattered dog ѕһіt into our wounds. It's so damn stupid. Everybody is still worried about getting sick and isn't thinking at all about the geohell that this economic destruction will cause for them and their children and their children's children. People think this will all recover in a couple months. No it fuсking won't. This kind of economic blow will define the rest of our century, like the great depression but even worse. But at least we saved some old people from dying slightly sooner. But probably not, they probably will still get it and the hospitals will be collapsed because we tried to quarantine instead of increase capacity. Ugh. Actually, the depression probably would have come anyway. We were already teetering on the brink, and an unmanaged pandemic would have fuсked us anyway.

>>24532 >Actually, the depression probably would have come anyway. We were already teetering on the brink, and an unmanaged pandemic would have fuсked us anyway. This is the correct interpretation of events IMO. This depression has been brewing since it was staved off in 2007, an unmanaged pandemic would have easily caused a massive global stock market crash anyway. Shutting down everything at the last minute *should* have been a fallback, an absolute last resort. The fact that it wasn't is just a sign of how fuarrrked western countries(particularly colonial countries like the US) are.

>>24534 Yeah. There's just no good outcome here. This sure is sad.

>>24534 >>24539 Then again, I think maybe the degree will be far different. On one hand we're seeing deaths of the very old and miserly people who don't really cooperate in labor or production. On the other hand we're seeing total global shutdown of production for months, deaths and destitution of poor young workers who are crucial labor for all economies—people whose absence will affect the world for decades, not <5 years on average—plus... those old people? Still dying. The people most vulnerable to covid are also vulnerable to economic crash. They're still gonna die, that's the real kicker. So one includes the other, plus a whole bunch of vastly more horrible ѕһіt. I think the crash is going to be far more harrowing as a result of these tactics than it could have been. Not all depressions are the same.

>>24532 we can, to a degree bounce back from a economic depression. The amount of people that will die if we go through with this and just act "as normal" will cause potentially millions of deaths. Which will still cause a huge depression. its a soykaf sandwich or a bigger soykaf sandwich. More than likely things will only go back to ok tell we get a vaccine. South korea has to a big degree manage to contain it. Numbers also suggest china is starting to slow down. The USA can do it to, but only if we tackle this thing aggressively as possible.

It just kind of hit me that later this year, I will have spent over 14 years on imageboards. That's half my life so far. And now I'm starting to see what so many people said about outgrowing them. At first I derided comments like that, because when I first saw them, this was in the wake of 2014 when all the political bullshit kicked into fifth gear, so a good deal of them were in the context of "ugh, people i disagree with" and pretensions of maturity. So seeing people whine about chans only drove me to stay longer out of spite. Dumb idea. I mean, sure. Anonymity is important, especially now with more and more services wanting you to use your real identity. And for socially-anxious 14-year-old me, it was especially appealing. I could say something, and if it was stupid, people would mock me; but then I could say something else, and nobody would know that I was the same guy who said that stupid thing earlier. I didn't have to worry about being "a guy who says a bunch of stupid things". I was just "a guy", like everyone else. But this anonymity has a downside that I've never really seen people bring up. Because there are no names, this means nobody can make friends with each other. Or at least not within the system itself: you can still post contact info and hope the person who added you is the person you were just talking to. Even then, that seemed to be looked down upon. Where I really should have been were forums. The same forums I derided back then because "wow what a circle-jerk, look at all these people being friendly and civil to each other instead of flinging soykaf like we do here". Being friendless at the time, proper socialization was something I severely needed. I did post on a couple forums, but they were large ones and I spent more time shouting into the void in "everybody posts, nobody reads"-type threads instead of taking part in conversations. If I had just hung out on a smaller one with a better sense of community, I probably would have made a couple friends and gained the social skills I direly needed at the time. Hell, maybe I would have done even more. Having a support network when you needed it most can make all the difference in your life. Now everything's changed. Forums are deader than dead. Social media and the like really are the insular wankfests we made forums out to be back then. Everything's so cliquish. Plus, it's probably too late for me to learn to socialize. I'm in my late 20s for god's sake. I've joined a few IRCs including ours, and while I am welcome there and take part in discussions when I can, I'm not really close to anyone. I don't really "know" anyone the way some people seem to know each other.

>>24540 >On one hand we're seeing deaths of the very old and miserly people who don't really cooperate in labor or production. this "only old people have anything to worry about" meme needs to end. Yes, death rates are mostly high among old people. The same is true of influenza. But this coronavirus is still 5-10 times more deadly than any common influenza virus, across all age groups, and more virulent. Not only that, but deadliness of the virus itself is not the main issue ... when hospitals are overwhelmed like this, deaths from other illnesses and injuries go up too. And suppose you went to work asymptomatic and got everyone at your work sick, suddenly 70% of the people there are calling in sick for at least a few weeks, and the company has to shut down anyway. Investors get spooked and it causes a stock market crash anyway. It all happens anyway. Oh, also, the rich will weather this fine. It is poor people who don't have access to good health care who will take the brunt of this pandemic. It is not an equalizer.

>>24543 Same lainon, I felt that people that stayed on image boards for their whole life greatly regret it, they could have spent that time doing something great, but instead just used it for soykaf posting (no one even remembers them nor do they have anything to show for it). Imagine if imageboards kept count of how many (you)'s you got, or how long you've been online in a board, I would have quit there and then.

>>24541 Thinking a vaccine will turn this all back to normal is just not true. The damage has been done. It's not even about the virus at this point. Millions die from losing their livelihoods as well. Unemployment isn't going to handle >30% of the country. Having that kind of catastrophic unemployment does not just "go back to normal" once the original factor is removed. That's something that lasts for years and years, and it will potentially kill more than the virus could. You can't just ctrl-z this. You're citing numbers that show how countries are managing the virus itself, and that factor alone. That's not the metric I'm talking about. We aren't yet seeing all the economic effects yet; they take longer. It's incredibly naive to think the economy will just start back up after being put on months-long pause. It doesn't work that way. You can't just suspend it without consequences. Not without massive command economics strategies and stimulus. Like unprecedented amounts; not the tiny pittance being offered so far. The US just isn't ever gonna do that, much less in time to matter. Get ready for a very real and lasting depression. >>24544 This is a matter of statistics, not of anecdotes. I know that some young people die as well. But it's largely not killing significant numbers of young people comparatively. It's not a meme, it's how the data has shaken out in every single country the virus has spread through. And I know that people getting sick will take them out of the economy anyway. But for weeks, not months. Not eighteen months like many epidemiologists are predicting will be necessary to keep hospitals from overloading. That's not going to work, it's a non-starter. We're not choosing between curbing the disease or maintaining the economy. We're choosing between not curbing the disease and having an economic crash versus still not curbing the disease and having a much worse economic crash. If you think we're going to keep the hospitals from being overwhelmed, you're wrong. That isn't something we can manage to actually do. If we could magically all uniformly isolate for eighteen months, maybe. But there just aren't resources for that. And it would require totalitarian state powers, which is a whole 'nother factor that I'm not sure you're taking into account. That genie won't go back into the bottle once the crisis has passed. Once that happens, it's forever. And I never said it would be an equalizer. I said pretty clearly that it affects the poor disproportionately. Both the virus itself and the economic fallout. Of course the rich will be fine, they always are.

Friendly reminder that 800 thousand people die of suicide every year (it's probably a lot more than that) but that is completely OK

>>24562 >This is a matter of statistics, not of anecdotes. I didn't make an anecdote. I said the processes that I believe would cause a similar economic collapse to happen at a large scale if this pandemic was (even more) unmanaged. >But it's largely not killing significant numbers of young people comparatively Yes, we know. That's not the point that is being disputed. >And I know that people getting sick will take them out of the economy anyway. But for weeks, not months. Enough people would be out for a long enough time that it might as well be months. Another important thing is that this is more managed: it's a lot easier to keep things running if you're shutting down because you planned it, rather than because suddenly everyone called in sick at the same time. >Not eighteen months like many epidemiologists are predicting will be necessary to keep hospitals from overloading. Can you cite an epidemiologist who actually *recommends* that, rather than says it would be what is necessary assuming fixed hospital capacity? Things won't be shut down forever, a lot of stuff will probably be back to almost-normal in a month or two. "Everyone should socially distance extremely forever" is a strawman argument. >That's not going to work, it's a non-starter. We're not choosing between curbing the disease or maintaining the economy. We're choosing between not curbing the disease and having an economic crash versus still not curbing the disease and having a much worse economic crash. 1) it pretty clearly is being curbed, quite a lot. It's not going to be okay but we are nowhere near the worst possible scenario. The whole point of this is, and always has been, to *buy time*. A month or two to mobilize production. Only a fuarrrking idiot thinks that socially distancing forever is the way to avoid the worst scenario. 2) how do you know that the economic meltdown now is worse than it would be? >And I never said it would be an equalizer. The meme does.

>>24564 if you referencing that to COVID19 then know that those people die willingly.

>>24564 800000 / 365 = 2192

I don't know why people drink to escape. When I drink I get far more unstable and depressed. I don't think about death like this when I'm sober.

>>24572 Do you think suicide is purely a personal choice? If so, why do you think the suicide rate is drastically increasing all of a sudden? What's the mechanism? >>24573 Yeah, booze is a powerful depressant. It's the worst way to try and escape. I'd prefer mushrooms or something like that.

>>24573 Not everyone has the same reaction to alcohol. Though yeah, I'm pretty much the same as you. I wish I could just drink my problems away like most people.

>>24579 That's very edgy and cool and all and nice pepes, but that doesn't actually explain why the rate is increasing. You just think it's a product of understanding? Then why are more people suddenly understanding this now, and not before? For the record, I'm not suicidal, nor have I lost anyone important to suicide. Can't say if they are little bitches or not because I don't personally know them. But I do think a sudden spike in rates is a meaningful metric even for non-suicidal people, and it's a phenomenon we ignore at our peril. It's just a sign of other bad things that may also affect us, albeit in different ways. A civilized society can accept some suicides, it's the background of life.. but it would be foolish to consider a rapid increase the same way. Something's up.

>>24564 it's not ok, but that's not a new problem, and unlike coronavirus it won't be old news in a few months

>>24602 lol a whole series of comments was removed because it was just straight frogposting bullshit. Let's get back on topic? Like I get it, nobody cares about suicides—even if they are the canary in the coal mine about impending socioeconomic collapse. Glad everybody is so jaded and neato, what the fuсk ever. Great vent thread. >>24600 Try typing the same generational term that starts with a B (seriously, how uncreative can we get with naming generations?) and it's also filtered. I think the point is not censorship, it's just that talking ѕһіt about generations is feeble-minded and pointless.

>>24604 People care more about the virus than suicides because as >>24603 pointed out, it's not a new problem. If something happens regularly, people get used to it. It's not like all people don't care, but the matter of suicide and depression is still a taboo, which is caused by centuries of christianity telling people that suicide is an act against the god. And helping depressed people is really hard. From my own experience I can tell people don't want your help, or even if they do, they act in a way that you don't want to do this. I lost a friend because of this.

I just need to let go already. Dwelling on my youth isn't going to magically open up a time portal so I can prevent all the things that I feel ruined me. All it does is unearth more memories and dig me deeper... and yet I just can't stop it. It's consumed so much of my time too. It's like maladaptive daydreaming, except it's more like day-nightmaring.

>>24543 >Because there are no names, this means nobody can make friends with each other. Or at least not within the system itself It doesn't prevent people from making a name for themselves though. Plenty of distinguishable identities rise up from the anonymous soup. >you can still post contact info and hope the person who added you is the person you were just talking to. Even then, that seemed to be looked down upon. That's true, and I also avoid doing it, but not entirely. It's an anonymous forum, so you can do that in one thread and then just leave it at that. People won't necessarily be able to connect your posts. It's more reasonable to do if you have a pool of work to reference, justifying it. >The same forums I derided back then because "wow what a circle-jerk, look at all these people being friendly and civil to each other instead of flinging soykaf like we do here". That doesn't really apply here. >If I had just hung out on a smaller one with a better sense of community, I probably would have made a couple friends and gained the social skills I direly needed at the time. Hell, maybe I would have done even more. Having a support network when you needed it most can make all the difference in your life. I haven't really thought of it like that, but it's true I wouldn't have done some of the things I've, without my regular hangout where I have a name. I want to phrase this like interacting personally with others takes your mind from a fairly closed system to a network. I suppose it's easy to focus on the meta, the forum itself, without this personal aspect. >I've joined a few IRCs including ours, and while I am welcome there and take part in discussions when I can, I'm not really close to anyone. I don't really "know" anyone the way some people seem to know each other. Give me your email and I'll send you some mail.

I can't get over my ex, it's been 4 months now. It still hurts so, so, so much. Just as much as the first day we broke up. It's as if my body completely stops and hurts all over. I thought it'd go away with time, but it hasn't. Not one bit. I'm not sure how I can keep living like this, I'm so fuarrrking tired. I miss you so much.

>>24662 I know that's a dickhead question but Have you tried looking for a replacement? What was the reason for the breakup? There are people I can't forget and miss so much, but being sad forever isn't going to help you in any way. Go and find a replacement, whether it's a partner or just a good friend, anyone you can share emotions with. Even though I can still remember my ex friends and girls I used to like, I don't think about them much anymore, you just can't undo some things, but you can work to make your life better in the future.

Found a good paying grunt job with good benefit because of COVID and so I might drop out of university. First year was hell and I didn't feel it was worth it, the problem is that I like studying and I'm intelectually gifted even if I act autistic and retarded half the time. I'm not sure if it's the right decision. I want to learn and make a path by myself, but will I fuarrrk it up? I went to uni for my parents, and I wanted to kill myself 90% of the time there, why am I this scared about being a drop out. Nothing is worth that. At least programming and coding doesn't need a hard degree to break into.

>>24672 Nice Second Foundation pic

>>24671 Yeah, I totally get that. The problem is I'm a socially anxious mess, making friends is pretty hard and keeping those friendships ever harder. To say she was a mere lover to me really undersells it, she was above all a great friend and the only person I ever felt 100% comfortable around it. It's why I miss her so much. The break up kicked up my anxiety to eleven to the point I stopped leaving the house and even talking to people over the internet, but thankfully I've been recovering for the past few weeks and I can have a social presence again, even if just the bare minimum. I don't think I'm ready yet to actually pursue other people, and that won't be the case for a while, but I think, hope it's just a matter of time.

I have no idea what kind of job to do with no skills at all and no job experiences, and I'm not sure if I want to go on in the first place. I had a fuarrrked up upbringing, fuarrrked up childhood, I got a bad health situation, spent some time with crippling mental illness that left me with no friends and support beyond my direct family. I've got massive social withdrawal issues that public therapists can't fix, no money to go private. When my health went downhill I decided I wanted to put whatever motivation I had left into something I was passionate about, spent the last decade of my life trying to make a living with that. I had the full intent of getting there or dying trying, and of course nothing happened, so I'm at the point where at last I threw in the towel. I tried learning programming but I have trouble learning simple concepts. It's probably obvious that I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, I was always bad at math and kind of dumb. I'm not very charming or socially sharp, I get awkward when I'm stressed, I have mood swings. I'm fine with myself as I am, I don't have an internal struggle, it all comes crashing down when I think I have to interact with the world. I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of somebody who did hard drugs or went to jail for a long time. What do these people do after they get out? Is it even possible to fix a mess like that? And maybe the more important question is... Is it even worth it? I'm honestly - peacefully - kind of tired. I'm way past the despair, self-hate phase. I just want to rest. Maybe I should just enjoy the time I've got left? I'm at peace with the idea of suicide when I'll have to go homeless. I think I had a pretty bad run, went through a lot of bad stuff, I didn't have much of a positive impact on anybody's life, and I never liked the world or people that much. When it comes to finding a job, I've got no other goals beyond earning what I need to live without having to do stuff that drives me nuts, and having as much free time as possible. I know this makes people angry because both these things are luxuries, but it just feels like torture to do useless soykaf I don't believe in for hours a day. There are people who sell stuff and they really love it, they believe in the vacuum cleaner or whatever they're selling, they believe in the flyers and project management. I just don't have that in my head. It just makes no sense to me. I don't like the prospect of spending 10 hours every day gritting my teeth doing things I don't like or care for. If I have to spend half my free time hating my life, what difference does it make if I live half as long without that burden? I'm probably gaining a few years in terms of raw hours, but I wouldn't know 'cause I'm not good at math. I dunno, how do I make myself useful?

>>24708 Most who preach about greater good have in the back of their mind "gotta convince him to benefit myself over himself". Selfishness preaches altruism. Otherwise if you truly manage to not give a soykaf you will have a advantage in any form of gambling. Fear drives people into mistakes. Depression was actually linked to greater success in investing for this reason.

i just want a friend to talk to, i want to be in a relationship to be happy again, every single day is the same soykaf, i feel so alone, i could cry everyday if i wanted to. i'm not even thinking or feeling anymore, i'm just floating i talk to myself in my head, i maladaptive daydream scenarios as if i were in them to get a 'nice' feeling as if i were in that situation. i want a break from my anxiety, i wanted to read my book but i had 2 hours of painful tension headaches which makes me have to do physical head exercises to try to relief it and after that follow bad anxiety or panic attacks. i'm. just. so. tired. and. fuarrrking. alone.

Do I actually want social interactions and relationships, or do I feel like I should have them out of a social obligation and a feeling that I'm missing out.

My mother is more concerned about our cat's mood and well-being than she is about mine. Thanks, mom.

>>24672 In case the job you found exists/is highly paid specifically because of COVID, once the pandemic is over, the job/the salary you're used to won't be here anymore. Personally, I find myself to be in the same boat as you about the whole university thing, and I can't really give you any advice. While I think I'll just grit my teeth and try to endure the whole thing, you might decide otherwise. There are plenty of other variables involved, like whether or not you can't stomach the prospect of a future career in the field your major is related to; the cost of your education etc., so the choice is up to you, really.

>>24709 I don't want to live on the edge, I didn't mean my talk to come across this way. I don't want to live an unstable life of worry. I am stable right now, the plan is killing myself when the money runs out.

>>24243 I still feel bad for being one of those people who said that it will all be over soon and everything will be fine. Thankfully I have learnt my lesson and keep my mouth shut now. Thank God nobody remembers be saying that cringe ѕhit.

>>24720 The cat can't get a job and buy his own food. Unless you have mice which means he has a job and isn't doing it.

>>24720 She moved on with her emotional needs being satisfied by someone/thing else Maybe you should too, mommas boi

>>24734 >The cat can't get a job and buy his own food. oh fuarrrk I'm a cat?! time to visit the otherkin thread right meow!

I wish I could deal with my extreme inferiority complex. That mixed with my anxiety makes me retch or cry almost every day. I have wasted my life, everyone I've ever known is better than me at absolutely everything, in some cases in several or all fields I used to want to pursue simultaneously. Sometimes they're really arrogant which makes me upset, but I can't really get angry at them because they have the right to be arrogant since they know much more than me, and getting mad at them is just admitting defeat, so I just disengage and start crying. I have no hobbies, no skills, no "real" friends, just a few internet ones, nothing is fun anymore. Now with the Wu Flu going around, I can't visit a mental health professional in a timely manner. I'm going off the deep end.

>>24775 >getting mad at them is just admitting defeat, so I just disengage and start crying. You're supposed to laugh at other people if you wish to disarm them.

>>24776 What is there to laugh at? Someone being better than you isn't something to mock.

>>24777 Depends what it is. Either way anon wanted a solution to arrogance and mockery works well.

>>24778 I didn't want a solution to arrogance, I wanted to vent about inferiority complexes. Arrogant people can be avoided, I can't avoid my own emptiness and pain for not measuring up the most miniscule of standards.

I just wish I could unfriend a person I was once best friends with. We still talk occasionally, but I can feel that our communication is forced and dry, we're not the same people we used to be, our views on things have changed, and we've been through one huge falling-out already. I can't stand seeing them in my friend list, I just want to block them, unfriend them and forgot they ever existed, but at the same time I wish I could talk it over, I am afraid me blocking and unfriending them without a single word might give them some wrong ideas and reinforce the ideas they already hold that I think are wrong, and, deep down inside, I hope things will return to normal, somehow. I know I'm not their dad and I can't force them to not act and think a certain way, but it's hard to let go, especially considering that this friendship had lasted multiple years before it started crumbling apart.

>>24781 Sounds exactly the same as something that happened to me, except for the multiple years part. I was friends with him for 6 months until he irreparably harmed me, since then I cut him off and have been obsessively and bitterly dwelling on it for several years. I recently got in touch with him again, he easily got over it, while I'm still the same as I was, I talk to him occasionally but he never initiates with me, and he acts the same way he did when he did his thing, talking to him makes me sick, but I still somehow want to talk to him because I want closure. I wish I could forget him, but I can't, I need to become a better person to get over it first, and I don't have what it takes for that. That's something you'll probably have to do as well, make new friends, get a new life, move on, that sort of thing.

>>24781 >>24782 I think you're both angered by the fact that person like those you had interactions with have such strong impact on you. Not them in particular, by the way you talk about them you make me think you either want others to think that they don't matter to you, or that they really don't... it doesn't really matter. What matters is that they held their own opinions and didn't succumb to changing them to your tests. That they grew even more bold to your tests and that they would stand their ground. You're angered by the fact that as you grew more erratic and angry that they grew more satisfied and calm. You're essentially angry at yourself for not having such deep and clear conviction in what you're talking about. If you were then you wouldn't get seethful for someone from the past testing you back in discussions about your views. People who are 1 on 1 with themselves couldn't care less what others thought of them, and sounds like those people you're talking about are 1 on 1 with themselves. Basically I would say you are envious, but not for any clear reason but that of character. You want to have their strength and depth of conviction.

>>24785 PS You want such deep strength and conviction that you could easily end the relationship and not care about them. Something they can easily do but don't because the relationship to you for them is irrelevant not to get their panties in a twist or think about you like you do about them. You know this and this angers you even more.

>>24785 >>24786 I was Lain out of the two you replied to. The thing I share with Boris is that I want to forget about a person I used to consider a friend, and that I need to let go. What makes it different is that in Boris' case his friend changed in such a way as to make them incompatible, while in my case I was just deeply hurt by an attack that gave me a complex that lasted up to this day. I didn't like his opinions on some things but I didn't care about them either, my motivations are different. Although I will agree that there is a great degree of envy involved, he's a much stronger person than me and I see it and feel bad about it. I don't harbor any lasting ill will towards that person, but I just want him gone out of my mind.

>>24748 That's not what I said. If food insecurity becomes a problem as it threatens to where I live (and if the government or media acknowledge it at all, it's more of a possibility than they admit) then there is a new use for kitty: emergency rations. Your mom will remember her love for you when the hunger is satiated.

I really want to go outside. Thankfully my family owns a load of open field and there is a lot of similar space around for my 2 hours exercise allowance, but holy ѕhit do I want to go outside more, so desperately. I am very disappointed with my 'friends' who just say "haha nothing has changed for me lol! Just more time to inside to play video games, all good by me xD". So uninspiring and disappointing. Good for them I guess.

This girl who gave me her d*scord unadded me a day after she added me. I'm not even mad, I'm more surprised. Maybe her not speaking English that well played a roll in it? Or maybe I'm just too boring.

>>24857 >This girl who gave me her d*scord unadded me a day after she added me. i'd guess it's because of the language barrier, you have to realize that it's discord so people talk with each other a lot and if they don't like you based on the first impression it's very easy to unfriend and to move on, don't take it personal, if you really want to find a relationship or a girl or whatever try an actual dating app where they can see your face.

>>24800 what do you like to do outside anon? i personally like to go for walks in the forest, i like running but on a treadmill because running on normal surfaces causes me shinsplints.

>>24868 Running and walking trough nature is the only thing preventing me frm geing insane

>>24869 yeah, walking in nature and listening to some good screamo is great

>>24800 >my family owns a load of open field and there is a lot of similar space around for my 2 hours exercise allowance Considering you could be a condo dweller paying a lot of money to not have a backyard or trapped in a highrise tenement with a bunch of families, I'd say you have it better than most. I live next to a city park which is almost entirely woods so I can't complain either.

>>24867 Yeah, I don't take it personal and I was just looking someone to talk, I don't indulge in the e-dating//ldr stuff.

>>24872 good, ldr is a PAIN

>>24785 I'm Boris, and I'm not sure what you're talking about. Both of us are opinionated, and this was, in fact, what led to our falling out in the first place. And I wouldn't call myself "erratic and angry", ironically enough, it was my friend who went as far as to threaten to kill me after a disagreement we had, and their last message after this was basically a drawn-out and emotional "fuсk off and die" in response to my reasoning and arguments. Not to mention that it was them who decided to reach out and make amends nearly a year after this. I don't think "strengh and depth of conviction" have anything to do with this, really. It's that they make me feel strong mixed emotions. I am sad about all the good times we had before our views became polar opposites and our personalities changed with them, I feel immense disappointment and disdain for what they've done and their current views and values, and I feel drained talking to them or trying to be affable. Now that they're here again, I feel awful about so many things. First time it all hit the fan, I had the reason to unfriend them and stop talking with them. This time, not so much, considering I accepted their apology, albeit mentioning that their actions have left an indelible stain on our relationship. I'd feel twice as awful if I were to bring up it all again in a conversation with them and basically tell them that I'm still hurt about the entire thing and I don't want them in my life anymore.

>>24708 Are you me? because you literally described my life, things have been so crap for me, I tried everything (even programming) and felt to dumb to even understood the basics of it. I am seriously breathing because I am alive and not dead, not much more

>Be on nightwalk >Get jumped by sandnigger kid "Give me all your cash or I'm gonna stab you" "Please if you can, do it" "Wtf man just gimme your money I'm not fooling around" "My little girl died today, so please if it doesn't bother you kill me" >Awkward 2 minute long silence "You're a good kid, here I won't be needing this anymore" >Give him 250 bucks "Try not to repeat my mistakes" >Walk away Why the fuarrrk am I like this

>>24896 He was never gonna kill you, it was just him trying to get some money. Sorry for you loss

>>24897 I don't even have a daughter bro, I just acted out of boredom. I like to believe this kid will need more than 250 bucks of counceling now, he looked pretty shook

>>24898 lol, it might work.

>>24543 You're right, imageboards aren't conducive to making friends. They feel more like participating in a hive mind; or at least they did 10 years ago. The focus is on the exchange of thoughts and ideas and if the hive mind is cohesive enough, every Anon feels like a friend. Would you really have made friends on forums? I've had no such luck. Having stable identities isn't enough, making friends requires meeting the same people again and again but larger forums had tons of people. It's like walking into a stadium full of people constantly shifting around, you may exchange a few words with someone but then they disappear never to be seen again. One strategy that has somewhat worked for me is direct messaging. If I read an interesting post, admire well-made art, or make use of some open source software I occasionally thank the person directly. This is not a bad way to strike up a conversation. And in a weird way, I've come to treasure some of the responses--even the one offs. The bad news is that I've yet to make an online friendship last longer than a year (this is at least partially my fault though).

>>24901 A bit offtopic but what did you major specifctly in cs?

>>24215 due to recent events my uni went remote. also got a good programming job strangely enough. but my uni productivity is gone. i'm not fond of uni anyway. should i take a year off? it's very tiresome and lonely

>>24896 jeez, sorry that it happened to you, do you live in a third world country?

>>25031 hahahahaha your mom sounds pretty cool

my friend and I have admitted that we're attracted to each other, but she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend. Which makes sense I guess. I know him, he's a great guy. Certainly better boyfriend material than me. But it's pretty clear that she's going to leave him sooner or later. They just recently patched things up by making it an open relationship. We're pretending that nothing has changed, but it really has. There's a lot of tension. Next time we can see each other without her roommates freaking out about the coronavirus, things could go anywhere. I love her. I don't want to tell her that(not now at least) because I don't want to force her to choose.

>>24900 >>every anon feels like a friend >chan sites >any year They are nothing more than a chat room. Chat roulette is for people that just want to see gossip in a common room. It's like a dinner party, a bar room, a school room, a party, even like a business meeting, but it's not like you're friends at all.

>>25052 Yeah there's no way this is true with loneliness being a mainstay topic in virtually most chans

i just torture one of my friends i think. the anger started when we cut things off dating wise. then grew when she ghosted me for awhile. since then we made friends again, ghosted, and then made friends again and now are using quarantine as a break to sort things out. the drama and issues are all on my side. I kept thinking im angry and upset cause i still love her and it isnt reciprocated, but even if she asked ME to be her partner id say no. I think for awhile now ive just been motivated by rage. I soft blocked her on twitter and she didnt realize and still likes my stuff which I know means shes looking me up to check my feed, and that makes me happy when it shouldnt. Her room is filled with art I made, and I get excited knowing when im gone theres reminders of me everywhere. I get excited knowing every one of her relationships fails, while im in a stable one with someone. I post things I know she will see targetting her thought processes, stuff shes never told me but ive gathered from interaction. She constantly has said in the past she feels like im just tormenting her or theres a part of me that hates her and I always deny it. It needs to stop, I do love her, not in a romantic way, but in a way where I think I enjoy my time with her more than anyone else. And when we are together we have lots of fun, until she does something I dont like, and then I begin doing this tormenting thing again. Ignoring her when we are in a group, siding with her roomates when they get into arguments. Part of it is also that for awhile I never got angry just sad, my medications normalized my emotions and now I dont know how to handle the anger. But it isnt fair, and its not worth it. These schemes I pull give me only the tiniest satisfaction at im sure a great cost to her. I've more than got her back for some of the soykafty things she did when we first met. I wont ever be stable friends with her when im playing an antagonistic role in her life. Even though she doesnt quite realize it and only has a vague suspicion that im somehow the cause of her problems (Shes very spiritual and always thinks I am cursed or am doing voodoo on her or something which is easy to deny). Its only a matter of time before she looks back and sees that although ive helped her in very material real world senses (getting her into therapy, gifts, etc.) that I constantly attack her mental state. I dont want that, I dont want her memory of me to be shadowy and evil. I need to let go and its hard to do.

When I was kid, I was told that college was going to be one of the big steps in my life and how important it was. My family is relatively well to do, but there is this imense hope and pressure put on me that I will make it out of college with a six figure job at (whatever company) and be this all around top notch guy. All I really want to do is to eventually start a small game dev studio and make my own custom software, draw, and of course live across the country (currently live in Texas, thinking about Washington or something like that). But I want to live slightly off the grid to where I can sustain myslef and live off the land and appreciate nature. I honest to god hate my life, not entirely, but I hate my enviorment. Parents are controll freaks and put alot of emphasis on how fuarrrking fantasic college should be ans is. They tell me I should/will have an internship next summer, I will take summer course and all this stuff. WILL like in "I have too". My school and the department for my particular major is the boring, and honestly apathetic group of people ever. I just feel drained here. Everything feels like busy work. I recently got into an argument with my dad about how my job (with pays 14/hr) is like McDonalds ans he often completely disregards it bc its just general IT. I got super black pilled on college and how its all a scam and I genuinely believe it. I dont knwo what its for to be honest.I spend majority of my free time making games, programming, drawing, and practicing music anyways. I have began to develope a sense of apathy toward life and the people around me. Just leave me be, I just want to work on my personal projects. Why is this so hard for people to grasp?

>>24912 Same here all motivation for uni completely went out the window

>>25063 most people don't actually think about anything important. they just do what the tv man tells them. tv man says waste your life in school and slaving away for soulless corps. tv man says attack any independent thought. etc uni is garbage. they teach inefficiently and don't even provide good advice. the teachers never even had to program anything of substance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOHmXdCcyhk

>>25066 ah yes a video talking about tranny creatures and super libs giving me the hot truth about why college is worthless. what a hot unbiased take, surely its not motivated at all by the fact that colleges teach things you dont agree with. university definitely isnt garbage, I quite like it. And have gotten plenty of good useful advice, so have my friends. I cant speak for whichever university you went to, whichever one made you decide university was trash. but mines quite nice.

>>25066 uni is great if you're one of the tiny fraction of people who go there to learn, rather than just "hurr durr I will become pro grammer and get jerb"

>>25068 That depends where you live. Being in a position where i see international applications some are simply not competitive at all. Got a middle eastern engineer applying with half his courses listed as koran studies. Like get the fuarrrk outta here. How the fuarrrk can someone compete when he wastes half his degree on religious garbage. us does now the same on lesser scale with mandatory gender study courses in stem. Sjw are like their mandated state religion now.

>>25052 That's just how it felt to me at one time, the feeling left around 2009--the last time I visited 4chan. Was it I who changed, the chans, or both? Doesn't really matter.

>>25075 Every time chans got public attention more cancer flooded in. The trump election was the final nail. As the idea of 4ch memeing trump into power came to be poltical groups from both camps joined to wage a meme war on chan for its importance. 4ch got gentrified.

>>25063 > Just leave me be, I just want to work on my personal projects. Why is this so hard for people to grasp? Because other people do not share your drive or interests. They judge the quality of your life by imagining how happy they would be living it. Your parents also have an obvious self-interest in seeing you stably employed as it reduces their risk of having to support you.

>>25066 breaking news! man on image board thinks he's extremely special and that everyone is a brainless normal person!

>>25078 it doesn't take a genius to see how bad things are.

>>25069 >Got a middle eastern engineer applying with half his courses listed as koran studies. Like get the fuarrrk outta here. How the fuarrrk can someone compete when he wastes half his degree on religious garbage. why does it need to be competition? I know competent engineers who are devout Muslims and study the Koran. I know a competent mathematician who majored in literature in college. Most stem degrees in the US only teach the basics anyway, a motivated person with good study habits can pick up the entire contents of a 4-year CS degree in about 6 months. >us does now the same on lesser scale with mandatory gender study courses in stem. Sjw are like their mandated state religion now. which colleges do this? I have never heard of gender studies being mandatory anywhere. It certainly was not mandatory or even encouraged for my degree.

>>25093 >why is hiring a competition are you for real? "maybe hes god" is hilarious. You take the one who is better on paper.

>>25095 Yes, I am for real. Why is it a competition? >You take the one who is better on paper. So you don't do interviews?

>>25097 Interviews are prefiltered, nobody is willing to take the time fishing for a golden boy and if you were really keen on finding a gifted autodidact you would get one without a degree cause you can pay him less. The whole point of it is having on paper yes he did this and was good in it.

can you two please take your politics elsewhere, this is a vent thread not politics thread. I swear everytime someone mentions trans, politics or religion everyone on here takes the bait.

>>24898 >250 bucks of counceling Or drugs

>>25100 imagine some dealers getting caught cause of mandatory social distancing. Wonder how the drug market took the crisis. On one hand parties are nono on other many are bored at home.

What hurts the most is the fact that everyone will be out with friends at the end of lockdown, while i'll just stay home as always. I tried calling people, since they are locked inside they finally will pick up the phone I thought. This whole pandemic situation is making me realize I've been on lockdown for most of my life. I just want the pandemic to get even worse at this point, so that everybody stays inside like me and that once enough people die, the survivors will have no choice but to notice me. I'm not asking for much, I just want to talk to someone for fuarrrk's sake. >>25101 >Wonder how the drug market took the crisis In France most dealers stopped working, there are still kids selling cheap cut haschich for ridiculous prices but most of the big networks steals stuff from hospitals and sell them back.

>>25102 go out and make friends?

>>25102 Where im sitting lockdown isnt that big of a deal. At night i see lots of groups 4-6 people out. The only distance everyone is keeping is with parents to avoid accidentally infecting them. Otherwise yolo. Heard from relative bunch of guys even did a grill party. Everyone got fined 250€ and the host some thousand. Those guys were old folks in the risk group and still didnt give a fuarrrk.

>>25103 Yeah sure i'm going to come up to people and ask if they want to be friends I'm sure that will work >>25104 This is making me feel even worse, even when it is mandatory to stay at home I'm the only one doing it

>>25101 most darknet vendors are operating as normal. A few high-profile(and famously cautious) vendors stopped operations. Don't know if they started back up, haven't checked in there in a while. I imagine irl drug dealers have started getting more cautious. I haven't known any in a while so I'm not sure.

My roomate (and ex-gf) decided two days ago they want me out of our place. They can do that since when we were still dating and moved here they didn't put my name on the lease. I have no job but don't qualify for my governments Cororna help sheckles and I'm doubtfull that i can find a job and a new place by the time they expect me out by. I know this is my fault bro

brought up by my own stupidity but I'm terrfied of the future. Also sorry i don't know why that posted half completed

>>25108 Go to a relative's or parents home for the time being then plan the most awful revenge you can think of and act on it, the fact that she's throwing you out while a global pandemic is happening is messed up regardless of circonstances and she deserves to be punished.

I was abandoned yet again, this time by a person who was supposed to be my best friend, despite everything we've been through and done with each other, they just randomly stopped communicating with me one day and never did it ever again, it has been a year since I've even had a conversation with them, and I've tried just about everything that I legally can, but they seem to be purposefully ignoring me, any form of communication I attempt goes unanswered or ignored, I don't even know what I did wrong or if I did anything wrong in the first place. At this moment, what am I even supposed to do? I can't just go and make a new friend because of the pandemic, and I have no one to talk to, so what choice do I have?

brought up by my own stupidity but I'm terrfied of the future. Also sorry i don't know why that posted half completed.

>>25125 my condolences. for those of us who arent lucky we will be abandoned several times in our life. we may never get closure. there is an innumerable amount of reasons this could have happened. perhaps they are anxious about intimacy, and felt a sudden imagined responsibility as you guys get closer that made them run. Maybe while you can identify or be friends with many different types of people, they were not and felt uncomfortable about not seeing similarities between you two (even if they existed). This has happened to me before multiple times, a few people i was totally abandoned, one person its been multiple times of us doing it to eachother, one I abandoned, il tell you how I feel about these things, without any kind of filter about how I feel I should think. I tend to associate most people leaving me with me being needy, and having high expectations. Early on this was me expecting someone to save me, to fix all my problems, which was too much to put on someone. Later its become me being dissapointed and angry with someone not meeting my expectations, which also makes people feel pressured. The person I abandoned it was because they were very self centered. They constantly wanted me around 24/7 but just to listen to them and they often wouldnt even pay attention to what I said. Also every time I accused them of saying they were havibg a rough time to pressure me into hanging out with them it was a whole "I guess I just wont contact anybody then! im just too much..." self pity party. I knew the only way theyd break out of that is if I left and they had to bear the same truth I bore witness to which is that friends are nice and great, perhaps my favorite thing in life, however they cant be your personal therapist or savior. this could all be me rationalizing bad treatment of me, make sure you arent doing that. But also make sure you arent ignoring a negative behaviour that led them to leave. Is gonna take time, you may still have not even fully accepted they are gone. That's your first step probably.

>>25111 I really hope it doesn't come to that my parents are horribly abusive and I kinda left in the night with said soon to be ex roomate. Followed by sending lots of very angry texts a full on bridge burning.

Strange to notice how much of a workaholic I had become even though my job was low responsibility and pay. Now there's nothing to distract me from the hobbies and projects I've neglected. Feeling good about it though due to some lifestyle changes.

i dont know how to get through life when you're slow. it seems if you're an adult with no knowledge and are a slow learner people would rather you die But i have a degree in computer science so i guess that means im 'set' in reality i cant get a job cuz college is a sham. i have most of the symptoms of dyscalculia. ive always been abysmal at math but had high verbal iq / reading & writing scores however im uncreative so iw ent to school for computers and got completely fuarrrked Please take the following at face value: i have no skills or interests whatsoever. since i was a kid i have just aimlessly browsed youtube and various imageboards. Everyone I know my age has hobbies and some kind of creative outlet or a skill they can use for money. I have none. I cant drive i cant do anything. corona has put my life even more on pause. I really need guidance but nobody will give it to me. only yell at me for not knowing basic adult concepts that i never learned i wish i could have friends and romantic relationships but it looks like because of corona people iwll get a taste of how i live trapped in a box forever

>>25136 >Everyone I know my age has hobbies and some kind of creative outlet or a skill they can use for money. I have none. the greatest skill most people have is making themselves look good.

>>25136 not that it helps but those people yelling at you for not understanding "basic" things don't actually understand how those things work either. they know barely enough to get by and can't explain how things work even to themselves.

i stutter, have soykaf grammar, resting bitch face, have anxiety disorder, barely fit in with normal people, have only a community college degree i'll never use, jobless for 3 months +, turning 21 soon and yeah just want to say that i had no happy memories for the past year or 1 1/2 year, don't know what i want in life, thinking about getting a simple job again send shivers down my spine, i have no friends, i daydream. i feel terrible, i listen to skramz because i can't scream out irl, i feel terrible, i feel alone i just have no one, i only have my dad but he's a smoker and getting old, after him i pretty much have no one. i just don't know what i want to do in the future, i don't know what i want to study, i'm a simple individual, i like to lift the weights, explore the same genre(s) i like, go for walks in nature, play vidya and not think and be comfy with anime. after watching Welcome to NHK at 15-16 i see myself more becoming like Satou

>>25136 >i have no skills or interests whatsoever. since i was a kid i have just aimlessly browsed youtube and various imageboards. Everyone I know my age has hobbies and some kind of creative outlet or a skill they can use for money. I have none >corona has put my life even more on pause. >haven't learned most of the basic adult concepts >abysmal at math My flesh prison has almost similar settings, except that I still haven't graduated from uni with my meme degree (studying social sciences) even though it's only supposed to take like three years (fifth year soon over), I've got a driver's license, but I hardly ever go anywhere and I have some creative aspirations, but they are never fully actualized for one of three reasons: 1) I lack the necessary skills and discipline 2) half-way through the process I realize the thing I'm creating isn't going to be how I imagined it to be at the beginning, and so with disappointment I abandon it without ever finishing it 3) I don't really have a drive or passions to achieving anything. I just feel I "kind of want things". It's not even depression or anything like that. Years back I used to hate myself for my impotence and my other character faults, and the resentment drove me onwards in my road of self-improvement. These days I have no deep, motivating feelings or genuine desires for anything anymore. Just a bland feeling of "greyness". It's funny how only after I've been stripped of the possibility of doing all kinds of fun and interesting activities I constantly daydreamt about, that I realize how I was never going to do those things in the first place, and that all the excuses I've conjured up over the years merely served as a defense mechanism to delude myself to keep the illusions alive in order to stay hopeful for the future where all my issues and shortcomings would've been taken care of: "once I get these essays done, I'll do that thing for sure!", but no. Only now do I truly see what's going on. Ultimately, the fact of the matter is that nothing is going to change, and I think I'm fine with that, even though I realize at some level that I really shouldn't be. "I should quit imageboards", I said to myself just a moment ago, but deep down I know I won't last a week. "So, why try?", I instantly responded to myself, without a shred of disappointment, shame or guilt. Years ago I ended up naming my affliction "comallodianism". It stood for "comfortably wallowing acedia", and it used to be my greatest nemesis, the deadly sin number one. Now I've laid down my arms and succumbed to it, and all I can say is "whatever".

>>25129 Whelp I didn't think my situation would get worse. I learned today that the reason all this is happening to me is because im being cu(the word seems to be derezzed)ed. Lainons this is actually the worse i've ever felt and i don't know how to deal with this.

it seems increasingly that my only options in life are >work a soykafty job i hate for no money or >spend months or maybe over a year learning to code in a useful capacity when i hate coding to get a basic entry level job i hate where i have to do soykafty work for soykafty people with soykaftier hours and make a little bit more money why are there no options in life

I'm glad to still be able to work in this pandemic, but it's really brought out the worst in everyone. Customers are already assholish enough on a normal day. The plague only made it worse. People want their stuff fixed NOW. It doesn't matter if we're backed up which we wouldn't be if my dumbass coworker could actually do his job or would have to order parts. They (were warned well in advance that they may) have to work from home starting tomorrow. Therefore we should just be able to cast a magic spell and fix everyone's stuff instantly. And then at the store, I see dipshits leaving their carts right outside of their vehicle instead of taking them to the cart return like they're supposed to. And the carts amass in the parking lot because there's no one to come and get them; all hands are on deck keeping the shelves stocked so people don't fly off the handle. You'd think the customers would therefore show some courtesy. Nope. Either they don't know or they don't care. I don't know which is more likely. It's all been taking a toll on me. Not just the way people have been acting, but the overall mood this whole year has had. I was hoping this would be the year, you know? Finally get myself together. Go see a shrink, start fixing all the damage that's been done to me over the past decades. Start writing code and music that's worth sharing, show it off to others, build skills and a network... like I should have been doing in highschool, but I had zero self-esteem then. Then I remembered. Not everyone gets to be happy. Some people, when they try to improve their situation, are designated to get shot down the second they do, and in a way that they'd least expect. I guess I'm one of them.

Really needed the money but after a couple of weeks making up false promises the company finally dropped the unsurprising bomb Kills my year pretty much

>>25225 Well Anon, at least you can't be evicted since rents and evictions are put on hold. In the US. I hope that when things get back to a relatively normal order you find a job that pays well fast.

I'm a bit worried that I'm going to do something stupid. My life isn't very good, but more than anything I'm very quickly losing a lot of faith in humanity. Some people are just horrible and to be completely honest I don't want to live in a world where they make up a significant portion of it. I don't understand the insistence of others to kick someone while they're down.

>>25231 >I don't understand the insistence of others to kick someone while they're down. In this, we feel similarly, Lain. Have you considered just trying to get away from these people? Could you if you wanted to? What kind of resources do you have available to you? (Just speak generally and sprinkle in some bad data if you have to, whatever helps you feel that I'm not gathering data for some malicious purpose.) I think it would be a shame for you to cause the catastrophic failure of your biological life-maintenance routines when you hadn't considered all the options. I'll just say, without guaranteeing anything, that it is possible to be surprised by joy after you've decided that you'll never feel it again, when certain unexpected circumstances come to pass or when your internal state shifts so that you respond differently to old ones, when mood and event fortuitously align. "Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. After all, you are alive, so you will always have the chance to be happy."

I have serious problems with my psychosexual health. It’s 5 am in the morning and I just masturbated to the thought of my ex-gf getting fuarrrked in my own bedroom by some other random tinder date while I’m watching. It was the best orgasm I’ve had in a while. I know voyeurism/partner sharing might be a relatively normal fetish to have, so I’ll give more detail. A few months ago I met this girl in a math Olympiad who was not too attractive, but who seemed to have an obsession over me, which in turn made me like her a lot. Let’s call her L. There seemed to be a lot happening between us during the week we spent together at the Olympiad. We even slept together in my bed, so I was a bit sad when I learned she had a boyfriend, whom I will call P from now on. As it turns out she was in an open relationship and she wanted me to be her boyfriend, too. As I was never too keen on having such a relationship I declined, offering to be friends instead. However she kept pressing on, threatening to cut off all contact from me if I refused. As I’m a virgin and very inexperienced with girls and relationships in general, I ended up giving in and asked her to be her boyfriend. I was not too unhappy with how the relationship went but as time went on things started to get very tense. As the difference between our sexual experience was broad, I couldn’t seem to have sex with L. I would tremble in nervousness any time we got naked together, and would have a hard time putting on a condom or even having an erection. To make things worse, L would always refuse to help me out even though she knew I was a virgin. She would never agree to oral sex, foreplay or even touching my penis. As if she were expecting me to do everything on my own and please her. This wouldn’t have been too hard if not for L and P’s parallel relationship. P was a lot more experienced than I am and he was a couple years older, even (L and I have the same age). Not only that, but L had the habit of always talking about how sex was between both of them which made terribly self-conscious of my performance (or lack of it, rather). And any time I told her to please change subject she would just brush off my feelings for her and tell me that it was my duty as her boyfriend to listen to her problems and everyday occurrences and give my honest opinion. I should also add that I had to put up with her talk about her problems with P about every little thing. Time passed and L and P broke up. At first I thought this actually meant that we could begin a new, happier relationship, but I was very wrong. As I quickly became apparent I was only being used by L to eventually replace P (as she even told me she liked me because I resembled him). And the conversations about L and P quickly became conversations about her and her tinder dates, ex-boyfriends and the love of her life, which of course wasn’t me. L would frequently sex chat with multiple people even when she was in front of me and would usually deny any kind of sexual action, even kisses where restricted to a point. However, she would always use me for emotional support, like the morning when she had wanted me to go all the way to her home to comfort her when she broke up with P, after not having slept at all thinking that they were together, and even though she knew I have a sleep disorder.

>>25240 (cont.) Things came to a new low when I took her out to spend some time with my friends and she asked one of them if they could leave together and spend the night in his apartment, and another one if she would be her boyfriend. I thank to god that I actually have friends who never took her seriously nor took. Shit hit the fan that night when I told her that being in an open relationship didn’t mean that she had to go around asking my friends for sex. This actually made her furious that she had even considered being in a relationship with such a close minded person, being the pusillanimous simp I was I just told her I was sorry and that I didn’t want us to fight over such “little things”. I had another opportunity to bring things to a halt when L told me she and P would take a week long trip to Uruguay where they would try to “work out their relationship” and that she would see if she wanted to be P’s girlfriend again. Bear in mind that we also wouldn’t be able to even text each other as they were staying at a village with no electricity lines, internet or communication means of any kind. As time passed since L and P’s breakup I began questioning her whether he actually even cared for me to which she always responded that I was the only one for her, and that she truly loved me, etc. so this made me furious as it totally contradicted her latest discourse. We discussed to the point I asked her to breakup. And that was (not) it. Again, with my simp instinct to the command, I chose to apologize to her and cry for a whole week over what a retard I was. When she came back, it seems it was actually our turn to have our own (camping) trip together, to which I agreed and put in all my available money (which is not much since I’ve only just graduated from highschool). In short, during our trip we couldn’t stop fighting over every single little detail and I would keep getting more and more depressed as she would keep sex chatting her tinder dates and friends whenever we were together, even trying to get together with people we just knew from there. All meanwhile she just refused to have sex with me and go further beyond some foreplay. When I finally overcame my stupidity and told her we should stop seeing each other she didn’t take it too well and began shaming me for being the narrow minded son of a bitch I was and that she would. I had to put up with that soykaf for some three days, even when she called friends of her to sleep over at our tent. And after all that, she even claims that I owe her money from the trip. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I’ve always had some kind of voyeur / partner sharing fetish and never thought much of it apart from some petite mort after masturbation, but it’s been months since I left her and I can’t seem to get over the sexual arousal that being cheated on / sharing my partner provokes me. This was actually the most humiliating experience I’ve endured in my short lifespan and so I can’t actually take the courage to tell any of my friends or family, and as the quarantine is strictly enforced in my country, I can’t begin a search for a psychologist or any other kind of professional to help me out. I don’t know what else to do, I’ve tried meditation, thinking it over, reading philosophy of all kinds, even opening up a little to some people to try and get some help. Nothing works. I can’t seem to get over this and I don’t want this horrible experience to carry on to future relationships. Maybe the scar can’t be healed, but I want to at least be able to have normal romantic relationships from now on. I need help as soon as possible, from anyone. I haven’t gone into too much detail over the many things that happened or are happening to me, but I will happily do so only to be taken seriously as I know most of the story seems very unlikely to happen. TL;DR: got severely damaged emotionally and now can only jerk off to the thought of being cheated on. I don’t know what to do. Help.

Behavioral change is simple: Dont feed it. Replace it with something else.

>>25242 Something even more simple rules behavior of humans. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. It will replace itself with whatever warrants it's replacement. People don't eat out, they lose weight and have time to think over their stupid personalities. People have no money, the UBI might come true. No UBI? Maybe power suits from scifi tier fantasy happens. They cost too much money? The poor start dying then make micro-communes to escape death, you go to the commune that best suits your personality. The worse it is the better it is. Currently it's just soykafty politics and not a real threat that could cause real changes. It's 9-11 tier garbage from the same old team of politicians that used those two-thousand dying as an excuse before. 9-11 taking away rights was too subtle to really have a good side. This isn't subtle though, telling people they can't have their actual rights to go outside or work even. 9-11 they just wanted to watch people so they could control them in the future without a revolution. Now they're testing the effects to see if they even have anyone fighting back. The less that fight back the more new rules they will apply. The less subtle the more the rebellion. Replace it with what? Ultra-violence?

>>25243 >ubi what for? their solution is already here, you get more debt to pay off later. Its a slow dead so people wont resist it as much like a immediate threat.

>>25240 Didn't read the whole wall of text, but as for >It’s 5 am in the morning and I just masturbated to the thought of my ex-gf getting fuarrrked in my own bedroom by some other random tinder date while I’m watching. It was the best orgasm I’ve had in a while. It is completely normal. Homo sapiens isn't a monogamous species - you can tell this by overproduction of semen and the ratio of testicle mass to body mass is higher than in monogamous primates. Because of this imagining other male fuarrrking your girlfriend highers the levels of testosterone in your body, increases the production of semen and makes you more motivated to fuarrrk her.

>>25240 >>25241 remove the voyeurism and this is the same thing that happened to me. like almost the exact same, is this experience with girls really that common?

>>25246 >its normal to enjoy getting c|_|cked no. The only desire you should have normally is impregnating some c|_|cks wife. Also fu censorship, reality doesnt change by banning words.

>>25249 >no. The only desire you should have normally is impregnating some c|_|cks wife. You didn't understand my argument. The point is someone watching this instantly gets extremely horny and produces more semen in order to overcome the number of sperm cells of the previous male, which is actually equivalent to what you said. The feeling should motivate to fight and then have sex. You also don't understand the meaning of "normal" - it only means something happens, not whether it's good or bad. >Also fu censorship, reality doesnt change by banning words. Meta discussion should go to /q/. If it didn't change the reality, you wouldn't care that much.

>>25251 Normal is just what the majority does. The majority certainly doesn't get off on getting ntrd and doing nothing about it. Most dump immediately if they figure it out. Your idea sounds reasonable but lacks a evidence to believe its real. To the guy asking on frequency. There was that naval accident, where a ship came month later home unannounced. 20% found the wife pregnant cause they miscalculated and thought he would be home in time to believe its his. So 1/5 at least in old times. Its probably way higher now with legislation rewarding it. Lastly offtopic I think banning short words so people write long sentences for the same thing is just annoyingly inefficient. I can kinda see why though with all the people who got triggered here and make long rants over a single term in other threads in recent months.

>>25249 or you could be a "normal" adult and not care what other people think about when wanking?? normal is a relative term (as mentioned above). but yeah, just cut the middle man and have a threesome....

I'm starting to develop feelings for someone and I hate it. My mind keeps daydreaming about her and I want to stop. I need to stop. Because the more I think about a person I like, the more it's going to hurt when I find out they're already with someone else, way younger than me, not into guys, or just plain uninterested in me. This always happens because I was never meant to be in a relationship. I know this, and yet I keep wishing for what I know I can't have.

>>25256 What I usually do in these cases is just ask the girl out and be rejected. That makes you forget her quicky and you can focus on other pursuits.

>>25256 Look for girls in places where girls will be looking for guys, in real life situations most are not.

It seems the longer I go on, the stranger relationships seem to me. The few people I know are all in one, but I just can't comprehend what it's like to be in a loving relationship with another person, and I don't think it stems from a lack of experience. It just seems so alien to me if they bring it up or if I see it in media. I don't really understand if I want to actually be in one either. I don't think they're for me.

>>25265 Where's that? It's so easy for them that there don't have to be any designated areas like you're implying. That would just be redundant.

>>25268 It's kind of like that to me too (though I think for me it does stem from a lack of experience, at least partially). I think about how good it must feel to be in a relationship, but when I think about it further it's like... what do I want out of it? Can't imagine going out on dates, can't imagine having sex, can't imagine doing much of anything besides cuddling with them and chatting idly about whatever, which I imagine is boring to most people. Hell, I can't imagine anyone who'd even like me. They'd have to have rock-bottom standards, but if their standards are that low then they'd be with someone else by this point. I guess it's because I've been single my whole life, and with me approaching 30 it feels like relationships are something I'm permanently locked out of.

>>25271 This sounds about the same to me. The idea of sex and dates, and other "normal" relationship activities seems strange to me to the point to where I really just talk to women, and several of them have asked if I was homosexual. People ask "how" am I still single, because I am told that I am really good looking (I found out that a few coworkers had nicknamed me after a celebrity in their conversations... I dont think they realized I picked up on them referring to me as that actor), and I am doing really well in life, and I do not have any serious problems. An education, a good job, no debt. Several times women have implied they wanted to go have sex, but really it seemed so out of the question, not because I did not like the person, but because I just found the idea of intercourse at that time with them so weird. While I can understand the idea of love/relationships on a theoretical level, on a deep philosophical level I simply cannot understand the idea in practice. Why would you WANT to insert your genitalia into another human aside from a momentary dopamine release? The date thing I can understand as spending time together, but the concept of "going out to dinner" etc. just sounds like consumerist bullshit. I used to feel bad because I broke a few girls hearts in my younger years because I "dated them" I went out to dinner a few times and we would hang out and watch movies... this was their idea not mine... they told me they loved me and I am pretty sure I crushed their dreams when I made it abundantly clear that it would never be able to last. to be honest aside from procreation or an addiction to sex, I see no reason why people SHOULD be interested in sex. There must be some underlying societal reason I fail to understand, why all of my peers are nonstop trying only to get sex. Perhaps what I am looking for is just a close female friend...

stuck at home with parents 24 hours a day is killing me, I want to die so bad. I made a dumb mistake and now have to pay for the consequences, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, LET ME OUT OF HERE

>>25313 Me too, this is like kicking dead whales down the beach so much. I'm depressed and tired already and I have to study anyway. I wish I had a girlfriend and a house to live in WITHOUT PARENTS.

I sure do love graduating from college right at the start of the worst depression in living memory. Really fun.

I wish I had talent for something creative. And I know that talent is just passion and you put years into it and yadda-yadda, my brain is not as plastic as it used to be and I'm not even old. Not to mention that I barely have the patience for it, I'm a goal-oriented person. Back to daydreaming I guess.

>>25317 hello?? are you me? i recently picked up the guitar, i wouldn't say i'm passionate but it's kinda fun learning, although it's hard.

>>25316 Too early to explore the universe and too late to explore the world but you're at the forefront of the reshape of society, it'll be exciting once this is over.

>>25318 offtopic but that artist make lewd art ;_;

>>25326 true, I am kind of excited for that. But significant reshaping of society only happens after times of extreme death and strife, which are just starting to enter high gear. Not looking forward to surviving that. >>25328 not of lain I hope. Lewd lain art makes me sick.

>>25343 no, just loli stuff

>>25318 I picked up electric about a half a year ago. For me the biggest motivator is having a band or musician you really enjoy. You know, the kind of songs you've listened to a thousand times and still are not tired of. I'm not the only one with that right? Anyways, having that is the driving factor of why I pick up the guitar daily and still enjoy it. I also started out with realistic goals, like all I wanted at the beginning is being able to play the bands simplest song. I accomplished that and then kept moving on to learning more. Make sure to enjoy simple things too, like getting down chord, not everyone can do that, even if it's "simple".

>>25348 i dont listen to music at all. i dont get the same enjoyment others do it seems

The only good thing about the current state of the world is that people on imageboards with easy answers for complex problems can no longer tell me "go to the gym; problem solved".

I don't want to have an online presence, yet for some reason I have one. I've made a name for myself in various communities by drawing and playing music in voice chats. I have one single account I do this on (and on that same account I'm also in groups dedicated to sharing art of a specific fetish I'd want none of my mutals to ever know about). I feel like eventually, when I join a small group that obsesses over me a little too much, my e-presence haunts me and I hate it. Now I know I can just abandon the account (which albiet is kind of cruel, its effective), but eventually, I want to host my own web comic and animate three-five minute experimental videos to test my skills as an animator, and upload them on community based sites such as NG. This gives me the most anxiety, as I know if I eventually build an audience I couldn't just abandon it. And people would probably track me down by art style alone (all it takes is one thread on 4/co/ for this to happen, I've seen it before). Basically, I'd like to upload my content without really having an online presence. One person that has done this succesfully that comes to mind is Fan Arthur (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp5jpqeTe83gFG9EHWZYNyQ). IIRC he's been making animations since like 2005 on newgrounds but he's never had a stable presence. Also a lot of the non-sequicore people on yt have done this before as well.

>>25317 i wish i had a single hobby

>>25317 >>25318 >>25348 Kind of reminds me of how I keep trying to pick up the violin again and keep failing at doing so because I have absolutely no confidence when wielding it (I've had three years of experience prior to dropping it). I'd buy an electric one so that I can at least play it without anybody hearing me but financial expenditures that are this big feel overwhelming in the end because they add pressure, making me think that I must absolutely dedicate all of my time to it now, which defeats the purpose of even playing an instrument in the first place (unless you're some virtuoso whose whole life is dedicated to his instrument and his orchestra, but that's another story). I've been putting on and off the idea of just investing into a double ocarina which is a lot simpler to learn and that'll let me have fun while playing it. As for anybody that's interested in learning music: do yourself a favour and just train your ear, I promise that it's a massive game changer when playing an instrument for the fun of it. There's nothing better than being able to nail the notes of the song you're thinking about without the need of a music sheet and then learn to play it without any aid.

I keep meaning to learn math but for some reason, whenever it's about a technical subject, like math or programming, I keep jumping between textbooks, and never progress in either one. It gets to the point where I do not even bother reading because I know I'll change my mind the next minute and I don't like alternating books because I break the continuity. I end up reading about other things, and they are of interest to me, I do not jump around so much in other subjects like language, but I keep thinking about how I would like to learn some geometry, number theory, topology, functional programming... and I jump around. I could just stick to language, but the aame process that motivates my interest in natural languages also motivates an interest in formal languages, and then I can't help but thinking about other areas of mathematics that I like or which I would benefit from for specific purposes (say geometry for building), gaps I could fill, or how learning math will improve my thinking/problem solving abilities. I then pick up a book and don't get far before thinking about a dozen other ones I like. And anyway if I pick up too many of them I feel overwhelmed and cannot pay each the attention it deserves. I try to introspect as to why this happens or simply try to stick to one and try not too look elsewhere, but I can't, it's like I hit some kind of wall and I keep bumping against it like a fly in a window. And it's affecting my time and energy. Somedays I go to bed with a mild headache because of this, I get up in the morning and head for the tablet (I only have access to these (many many) books in a digital format), neglecting all my other activities, only to end the day having made no progress. Makes me want to give it all up but what else would I do with my free time? How will I then improve my thought methods and patterns? Where would I derive the pleasure I have for symbol manipulation and logical exegesis? Shit, I just wish I knew how to overcome this weird behaviour, or find a way to restrain from it while I'm reading. It's like I'm doing the thing I want to do while thinking how cool it'd be to do that thing itself. I am content with reading a math book, but why do I need to be reading /some other/ book and not the one I am? It's not even like I'm bad at it. I can follow okay, I like reading proofs, I really enjoy. If anyone has any helpful advice I'll be happy to hear it.

My creativity and desire to get things done never kicks in until like 11 PM. Unfortunately that's the same time I try to get to bed on nights before work. Even on nights that aren't, though, I still have to deal with the cat yowling because that's when she wants to go to bed (she sleeps in my chair at night).

>>25357 >And people would probably track me down by art style alone (all it takes is one thread on 4/co/ for this to happen, I've seen it before) Shit, what? Better rethink my porn schemes then. Why do they do it? Collective butthurt?

>>25348 i want to play acoustics of artists i like, like gilles corey and such. i'd love to get into electrical guitar since i love screamo riffs!

>>25364 Not the same guy but when I was younger I made the mistake of posting just barely-traceable info to an imageboard and got doxxed like a noob. Hard to say why they do it. It's like a tropism. If they have any chance of doing it, people will do it. Maybe it's just for the sake of the challenge.

>>25362 Aww. I identify with every bit of that. Definitely can't be effectively creative until I'm a bit nocturnal and sleep deprived. Even the cat: after a certain hour, if I get up from my chair even for one second she jumps in there and curls up and gets cranky when I kick her out. I wish the world was more accepting of night-owls like me. I've tried so long to change, had jobs that made me wake up at four in the morning, but it just seems to be innate and genetic. Can't be my best self unless I'm staying up at night and sleeping in the day. Oh well. Quarantine and wfh has been pretty nice for that to be honest.

>>25358 Don't just wait for something to strike you. Sometimes you can't just expect something to spontaneously make you obsessed and interested out of random chance. Gotta force it for a little while, but you learn to like things once you explore the depth and get kind of good at it. Take up a few things and try to keep some of them going for a while; abandon the ones you really hate, but don't give up everything even if it doesn't click with you as fast as you'd like.

>>25317 >>25318 >>25358 I can relate to these thoughts and want to vent something of my own. I wish I had something in my life that makes me feel less hollow. I'm pretty depressed, things don't really do much for me anymore, I don't have the positive endorphin response necessary to build things like passion or skills. Doesn't help that I have a powerful inferiority complex, looking at others doing well doesn't inspire me, it makes me hate myself for lacking what they had, willpower, perseverance, intelligence, discipline, you name it. It's a goddamn nightmare.

>>25376 Damn, yeah. I've been there most of my life, doing a fair bit better the past couple years but I still enter that awful space on occasion. It's really horrible. But escape is possible, or at least you can move into something that ѕuсkѕ significantly less. You probably already realize this and are trying, but of course the first thing to do is figure out how to work against the inferiority complex and love yourself. I know, it's way easier said than done. Still am working on that a lot, but I'm way closer than I've ever been. Not comparing yourself to others and finding a way to be in a contest with yourself, perceiving the world on your own terms alone—it's one place to start. You've gotta forgive yourself for your failures and shortcomings and find some way to not hate yourself. To take some kind of interest in what happens to you in the future. Idk if there's any universal advice that would actually be useful. It's a very hard problem tailored to each person. But best of luck. I know personally that it's at least possible to make progress.

>>25377 Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Yeah, it's hard to love yourself if there isn't much to love, I don't really have many things that can be called interests, or passions, and the kind of thoughts I have, whether it's self-hatred or bitterness directed at others, makes it hard for me to not think of myself as a bad person. Comparing yourself to others comes too easily, the world is a hyper-competitive place, some people have value and some don't, and the point of it all is to see how far you can make it, there's a lot of stress in that way of thinking. There's also the question of mindset, growth vs. static, and for most of my life only the latter applied, so I have a hard time convincing myself that the former can be true. I'm trying to forget a lot of failures and insecurities that haunted me for a long time in my life, but it's fairly difficult, I obsess over them far too much, whenever I'm alone and it is particularly silent, they just invade my brain and make me tear up a bit, sometimes it happens when I'm in public and I have to hide my red eyes from a cashier in the supermarket. I do see at least some way out of this, I'm looking for a therapist to help me out, and debating going to a mental ward (apart from the named issues I also have a few more that cause me extreme anxiety and stress). I'm happy that you managed to help yourself somewhat and I wish you luck in further improving yourself. Thanks for giving me a bit of hope for myself too.

>>25376 The cure for an inferiority complex is some level of accomplishment, even if small. I'd suggest learning how to make bread. It's quite a thing to go from `flour yeast salt and oil` into a dough and then into bread. Think of the simplest thing that could possibly work. Then put action into it. Endless research without action is useless. If you don't have practical experience you misinterpret research. And put time into it. Doesn't matter how much people want to rush things, things take time. Even the simplest things can take surprising amounts of time to grasp and internalize. If you have a little success, you can branch out from there into other areas using what you've learned and the mindsets you've gained.

>>25361 same, I know that feel, you just want to learn something but don't know what and how to, and it doesn't help when people say "just do it bro". The best I recommend is going somewhere where programming is relevant I.E a college or university

>>25380 I second this. I read about this idea that we as humans value and identify ourselves in what we do. This leads to the consequence that if you have few occupations and you screw up, your whole self becomes under attack. Say that your only pride is working at the pancake factory and one day you fuarrrk up and spill batter all over the floor, now you will feel like soykaf because you fuarrrked up in the one thing you valued yourself with. Thats why you should spread yourself out. A lot of people here are naturally curious but they make, in my opinion, the mistake of limiting themselves to only the world of computers when there is so much more to see.

>>25358 What's stopping you?

>>25390 Not him, but getting into any worthwhile (i.e. demanding) hobby is hard work. The key to it is in finding a good mentor or teacher who won't flip out when you've made a mistake, and who'll encourage you at every step of the way, or that's how it was for me anyway when I started to play the piano.

Im really jealous and bitter, but mostly when Im alone. When I hang out with people I give out this relaxed, chill, funny guy vibe. But its all so tiresome, I have serius imposter syndrome. I have few girls that are into me, they are goodlooking and nice and we get along well but idk what to do, I somehow dont feel so strongly about anyone. I also have serious problems with erections, mostly because I stress the situation too much and cant relax or feel horny somehow, viagra doesnt help. This makes sex etc very tough topic for me, I dont like seeing it in movies and so on, because I feel this selfhatred. It all comes down to depression and anxiety I suppose, time to spin the roulette on medication once again. Seriously considering suicide atm, feels beautiful and the only way I can justify all this sonehow. (Sorry for kinda incoherent rambling. Just had to let it out. But if any of you relate or something, id love to read ur replies)

I need to leave imageboard and chan culture. I just hate when people bring up my race or country of birth when discussing something and it's all offtopic, who just brings up someone race during a casual conversation? I hate it and I can't stand how racist people are on imageboards, I need to find better surrounding

>>25392 its why I hate programming "elitist" they always judge noobies

>>25392 this. Teaching yourself is 10x harder and slower than having a decent teacher.

>>25395 You know, that depends on a chan. Some (small) chans are cute places where people are great. Some are not and are all politics on every board. But I have also seen casual racism (or rather xenophobia) directed to my country on big sites like reddit or twitter. So I guess it's just people in general...

>>25397 Depends on yourself. A good book can be better than a good teacher. Teacher wont babysit you all day but the book is always there for you and allows you to go by your own speed. I found reading a good script more efficient than visiting lectures. Got something like 96% never visiting the lectures. >>25395 >>25398 >>25396 Personal problem. You should just learn how to not give a fuarrrk. Once you can do that life becomes significantly better.

>>25402 >You should just learn how to not give a fuarrrk. The best way to do that is to walk away entirely which is what Lain is doing. I personally also find it tedious to wade through the quagmire of political dogsh¡t that needlessly pollutes chans lately. The signal to nonsense ratio is unusually high this past year or so.

>>25402 book is not a substitute for a teacher, teacher is not a substitute for a book. They have different purposes and both are crucial.

>>25411 Can't be crucial if you can do without. People do without either thanks to the net.

>>25379 I'm glad you can see some hope to reach towards, and just the fact that you're willing to look for a therapist and find help is a huge step that is one of the hardest for a lot of people, and shows that you definitely have made progress. That's something to be proud of, so please don't convince yourself it isn't and keep pushing on. As far as trying to just forget about failures and insecurities: from my experience, that's not quite the way to go. You can't just make yourself an amnesiac and repress them. That only leads to guilt and frustration when they keep coming, and may add even more of a painful tinge to the recollections. They are part of your past, and you can't change the past, but you can eventually be okay with them and forgive yourself while still acknowledging that they happened. The past is only the past, though it can feel very heavy. I can only speak for myself, but one thing that helped me a lot was when somebody told me a way to re-frame those painful memories and self-reflections as not something to cringe about, but proof that I have improved myself in some way since then. If they weren't painful, if they didn't stand out starkly in my history, then that would probably mean I am still the same as I was then. The fact that they re-emerge in a bitter way is a strange proof that you've matured since then. Many people have to start from a low place, and regardless of whether you've climbed to great heights or just barely increased in altitude, it's still kind of wistful to look back at where you were. Sometimes that's a good thing even if it stings.

I wish there was a psychology thread that was dedicated to sharing and discussing your personal problems with the intention to fix them, but there isn't one. So to /vent/ it goes. I'm extremely indecisive. This problem has plagued me my whole life, but I've come to realize this only recently. There is one primary reason that I think might be behind my indecisiveness and some other problems which accompany and compound it. I had an extremely shielded upbringing. My parents (my mother in particular) made pretty much every choice for me before I turned 17 or 18. They'd tell me what subjects to pursue and did their best to ensure I was excelling academically. My mother would tell me when it was time to go outside, and would keep an eye on me and what I was doing with other children, it's something that she continued doing until I turned 13. I feel like I developed a lot of issues aside from indecisiveness because of this, some of which could be seen while I was still a kid. For example, good grades and seeing pleased looks on my parents' faces became the biggest index of success for me, and I wouldn't try any new things because it didn't seem like worth it. Plus, I would best myself up about any academic failure, even if it was a small one. To be frank, although I've rationalized those things, deep down inside I am still anxious about my academic performance and I'm still anxious I'll let my parents down somehow (even though I've learned they aren't exactly likeable and good people, and they've only been acting like they have my best interests in mind, and I would rather distance myself from them, if I had the chance) My lack of interest in things is absolutely killing me. I grew up to be a person with extremely narrow knowledge and not a lot of interests (and developing those is extremely difficult as an adult). I am also extremely afraid of changing gears completely, abandoning pretty much everything I've learned because I don't find it worthwhile and enjoyable, in order to throw myself out there and flounder about, searching for what is it that might interest me, what might be financially viable, what I can learn, and what I can eventually make my job. It'd take years if I did that, and I'm not sure it'd yield a certain positive result to offset all the negatives that'd ensure after dropping out of uni and shіtting up my relations with my parents, with whom I currently live. My failure/risk aversion is something else completely. When I play videogames, I save constantly. I save before going around a corner in an FPS, I save before taking a shot at an enemy in VATS, I save before I need to talk with an NPC and there are multiple dialogue options. I keep a game Wiki open just so I know what I can expect and what is best to do in any given section of the game. It's absurd. In life, instead of making decisions, I choose not to engage with them and see if my problems resolve all by themselves, or hope other people make those decisions and solve those difficult problems. To sum up, I am unable of making decisions of my own, I haven't developed any meaningful interests or abilities which I could fall back on to pave my own way through life, and I am extremely risk-averse. All supposedly because of manipulative helicopter parenting. Is it even possible to fix? Has anyone experienced something like this?

>>25394 I mean don't be sorry. I get it, but this is definitely a place for rambling and letting it out. I'm glad you shared, I identify with a lot of that and it kind of makes me feel better and less alone to hear it from someone else. I've definitely had the thing with sex and erections being stubborn sometimes if I'm not totally present and comfortable, and not really feeling into it despite being just vaguely horny. It honestly fuсked me up for a long time. I think it's important to remember there's so much more to sex than just putting dicks in twats, though. And usually women are way more into the activities adjacent to sex than the actual penetrative act that we think of as the main course. I've found I'm kind of more into those parts, too. Most people seem totally fine with fooling around more with hands and stuff, that's definitely enough to make many people satisfied or even build up tension and want more in the future. And I've been told it adds a bit of a mystique since it's not something most guys are mindful of, that most just charge ahead and ignore a lot of what women want. Eventually it's led to my dick working better, which makes sense: I just need some kind of lead-up to make it interesting, to get me into it properly. Women need some attention to get wet, and men need some attention too. It's okay to ask for that. Don't just let them ignore you physically; usually they just are afraid you're shy or insecure, which, fair, I was a lot of the time.. but getting that over with makes it less weird and you can get over it. Unless you're a teenager with a particularly high sex-drive, erections aren't like flipping a switch for nearly anyone. Some people can get worked up just based on the thought or sight of it, but some people need something tactile and feel some human contact for a while that isn't just genitals slapping against each other. Both partners have a whole body to explore, and as I said—women are used to missing that desperately since most men are single-minded and only conscious of impressing people with their cock and ignore all that stuff. Sometimes even girls rush to please and focus on that out of habit, trying to predict your needs ahead of time. They just need permission to know that it's okay, there's other fun to have, that can happen later if it works out and sometimes it's totally fine to not have that at all in an encounter. Always remember: nobody cares about your dick. Except gays and the honestly quite rare size queen. Don't let it just be about the dick. That's not really what most women are interested in anyway.

>>25415 Sometimes I have this thought that I sleepwalk and write posts about my issues every night, because this post is 100% relatable to me. I've had a similar situation, mother was overly protective and cuddly, while my father was apathetic about the family, only ever went to work, never invested in the household, so I got badly raised by both parental units, but in different ways. I was always scared into having good academics because I wanted them but my depression and laziness has caused my academic performance to take a nosedive over time, starting in middle school, leading up to my graduation from HS, and now in Uni I am slowly bumbling along and on the road to dropping out, that crushed my self-image because I had nothing else, and it was the only thing I knew to value thanks to my parents implanting that thought into my head. I have no interests in anything and feel like a hollow shell all the time, got low confidence, no social skills, no friends, no hobbies, no nothing, I fuarrrking hate myself. Making any sort of decision is difficult for me, even something as simple as buying a snack from a store is difficult because I can't decide what I want to get, and fear that I'll regret my purchase, sounds funny when I say it like this, but this indecisiveness permeates every aspect of my life. Related to that is that I got no use of money growing up, I never got an allowance, and most birthday gifts were just money that my parents took from me because I had nothing to buy (no interests), and they offered to "borrow" it, and then never give it back, I have never learned what the proper value of money is, how to indulge and how to properly save money, I just let it sit around when I have it while subsisting on the bare minimum. I don't know if it's possible to fix, I'm going to visit a therapist and ask them what I can do, but I'm in the same boat as you are, maybe you should try visiting one as well.

>>25417 I was always scared into having good academics because my parents wanted it, told me that I'm gonna be a wageslave if I don't give my best, * Posted too fast and missed this on my last proofread.

>>25417 >Related to that is that I got no use of money growing up, I never got an allowance, and most birthday gifts were just money that my parents took from me because I had nothing to buy (no interests), and they offered to "borrow" it, and then never give it back, I have never learned what the proper value of money is, how to indulge and how to properly save money, I just let it sit around when I have it while subsisting on the bare minimum. This is incredibly accurate. It feels frankly surreal to find people with such extremely similar experiences, but it comforts me a great deal. Thanks for the reply. Would you describe your parents as narcissists? Personally, I've been noticing a lot of narcissist and flat out megalomaniac tendencies in both of my parents' behaviour. My father casually tells me that I should set my sights on landing a job in the central government. My mother tells me that I should get a master's degree in international relations and then apply for a job in some transnational corporation. I wish I was joking. They'd humiliate me when I was feeling terrible and couldn't choose what I wanted to major in. They'd throw in remarks like: "Don't you want to be a construction worker then? The local technical school is in walking distance, you know." And they knew it hurt me, because, just like you: >I had nothing else, and it (academic performance/success) was the only thing I knew to value thanks to my parents implanting that thought into my head And then they had the audacity to tell me how much they wish to live in a seaside villa in Italy when they grow old. Honestly, I hate them. It's painful for me to imagine that their terrible upbringing could have permanently stunted me as a person, that I may have issues with living my life until I die. It's horrible. Before I forget. >>25415 * It'd take years if I did that, and I'm not sure it'd yield a certain positive result to offset all the negatives that'd ensue after dropping out of uni and shіtting up my relations with my parents, with whom I currently live.

>>25421 >Honestly, I hate them. It's painful for me to imagine that their terrible upbringing could have permanently stunted me as a person, that I may have issues with living my life until I die. It's horrible. a different lain but this is incredibly heart wrenching for me, I've been thinking about it everyday for years. it drives me to suicide at times and at others it makes me think maybe if I struggle hard enough I could become something better but the weight of it all makes me think what's the point? spend life trying to fix yourself just to be a frail, barely standing being all flawed on the inside because the house is built on weak foundations and is ready to collapse any time. difference between me and you lains is that I dropped the academic costume that was mainly for my parents since 10th grade and I've dropped out of college and soykaf out relations with them since. early highschool is when I started to leave the house and look outside that's when I noticed the house was built to fall. I've lost nearly all honor,pride and confidence and just want to live a peaceful life at this point. I'm trying to get into a trade if my situation doesn't improve in the next year or two I won't be here long, I just want to be independent so I can live without relying on anyone and do things that make life interesting like painting,draw,sculpting,music..etc

>>25421 >Would you describe your parents as narcissists? Not really, at least I don't see anything particularly narcissistic from them, they do keep deluding themselves that I have any actual value and call me their ace student kid, despite my grades, intelligence and performance showing the exact opposite. They do often have some megalomaniac ideas, when they keep talking about how I'm gonna land a job at a big firm and earn lots of money to live in luxury, they grew up as farm children from a 2nd world country and most of my life has been spent in the upper-lower to lower-middle class in income, them working lots of hard but low-skill jobs with lots of hours and such. I'm majoring in Computer Science, and even though I'm terrible at the subject and still early in my degree, they keep talking about how I should get a job at the computer "because you spend so much time on it", which is both ignorant and insulting, I don't know anything of value I could sell, so it just feels like they are mocking me. >Honestly, I hate them. It's painful for me to imagine that their terrible upbringing could have permanently stunted me as a person, that I may have issues with living my life until I die. It's horrible. I have the same ideas in my head but I don't like thinking them, they're terrible people who didn't know how to raise their children properly, and have resigned me to a fate of clawing myself out of the pit they dug for me, but I can't really hate them, they are my parents and they do love me in a shallow sense at least. I'm not sure if it's permanent, it might be but I hope it isn't, I see it as me just having to catch up on all the growth and learning that they have refused to provide me, it will take a lot of work, and I lost my entire childhood and a small chunk of my adult life to this faulty upbringing, and I will never get that time back. Let's see if therapy helps me. >>25422 I'm sorry to hear that, but please don't kill yourself Lain. I wish you luck on the road you're going to take, I know your pain.

If you believe to be a victim of your circumstances you should extend this to your parents behaviour likewise at which point they are no more at fault than yourself as both are merely pieces of a chain reaction. Blaming only works if you believe in agency but then it means you can crawl out on your own too.

>>25422 >difference between me and you lains is that I dropped the academic costume that was mainly for my parents since 10th grade and I've dropped out of college and soykaf out relations with them since. early highschool is when I started to leave the house and look outside that's when I noticed the house was built to fall >I just want to be independent so I can live without relying on anyone and do things that make life interesting like painting,draw,sculpting,music..etc That's one of the ideal case scenarios in my head. I wish I could leave my uni, my parents and pretty much everything behind and pursue art, I wish I could make a living off it, even if it's absolute bare minimum and I have to live off scraps in some cheap studio apartment. But that's the problem, it's ideal. I can't run away from myself and my problems that easily, and I don't have the talent/ability needed to make any creative activity my career. It's something I can daydream about, but can never imagine actually taking steps towards making it a reality. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure I'd hate myself for not getting "a real job" and "a good degree". As for your situation, I wish you all the best. Trade jobs are in high demand in the US right now, it's relatively easy to learn a trade, and the working conditions are pretty comfortable. >>25423 >Let's see if therapy helps me. I wish you luck with that as well. I suppose I should also try finding a therapist, but first I'll have to wait until the pandemic blows over, and then I'll have to search high and low for an actually decent professional. >>25424 I guess it's true. At least I hope it's true.

>>25423 >>25425 thanks you lains best of wishes to you as well > But that's the problem, it's ideal. I can't run away from myself and my problems that easily, and I don't have the talent/ability needed to make any creative activity my career. It's something I can daydream about, but can never imagine actually taking steps towards making it a reality. same for me but day dreaming about the ideal is fuel, I haven't given up yet I'm in the middle, eyes still looking at the ideal very often

>>25413 again, it's a matter of efficiency. The net is very efficient for learning the basics. For anything really difficult, it will take 10 times longer to learn on the net than if you have a good teacher and a good book. I would like to make a point: the industrialized "teaching" in most modern colleges is not what I'm talking about. That way is probably the least efficient of all, because it tries to appeal to the lowest common denominator. I didn't start really learning in college until I got to grad school,

>>25429 I would argue at the opposite spectrum. Cutting edge research isnt found in books and teachers cant keep up with development in every topic. The closer to the edge you travel the more reliant you become on publications and other sources online as its hard to find local experts. Its the established curriculum that is best learned through books.

>>25432 >The closer to the edge you travel the more reliant you become on publications and other sources online as its hard to find local experts. it takes years of effort to get to that edge in most fields, even with good teachers and books. At that point you're really more of an active researcher than a student.

>>25376 honestly lainanon, it won't go away on it's own. i have very few things that doesn't make me feel hollow, i like working out, i like walking while listening to music and daydreaming and as i mentioned, just recently guitar. It's very cliché to say '''just try new things out bro'' but you don't have to be good at something to enjoy it. but yeah, i'm 100% with ya honestly, i have inferiority complex too and see myself very low.

Does anyone else just walk outside and just daydream about fuarrrk all, just make up scenario's you will never be in and play that character in your head? or pretend you're that artist you're listening to?

>>25440 for sure

>>25440 I do that pretty much daily.

>>25432 >>25413 I absolutely HATE THIS MENTALITY the whole "you can learn it on the internet" NO I CANNOT I need a teacher who is a person and I need a physical paper book. its not a generational thing as I'm probably younger than both of you. This whole >the net is so wonderful it connects us all and we can all learn anything :) bullshit holdover hippy mentality has completely ruined me.

>>25390 >>25370 >>25376 all I want is a skill/hobby that i can point to and say >i can do that. i like doing that. i can do that better than a lot of people. this is a valuable thing to myself and others. But it seems that does not exist. I am not sure why I bother keeping myself alive anymore

I'm running out of steam I was finally making a decent salary and moving up and then this happened and i'm out of work again. I haven't gotten paid in like a month now. I moved to be closer to my work and now i'm further away from the job offers i'm getting. I'm surrounded by heathens who stay up making noise until all hours. I've just been trying to study and do projects and get certs but it's hard.

>>25446 lol. "certs". they're good for... not much. toilet paper if emergency demands.

>>25447 if you have certain certs then you have a higher probability of getting your foot through the door with HR and demanding a high salary. if you are asserting your position is different then congrats you are one of the lucky few.

>>25440 I do that often, nearly every day, and I think I've been doing this since I was like 3 or 4. When I hear music I immediately slip into daydreaming, I imagine various characters based on the music I hear and get an overwhelming urge to act them out. Video game music helps bring about this weird state of consciousness particularly well, since it conveys a clear emotion of what an environment, situation or a character is like. It's really weird, now that I think about it.

>>25444 TESTIFY! No really, I agree for the most part, though it depends on the subject. Youtube tutorials infallibly piss me off though regardless of what they are teaching. I never learn anything from them besides how highly the instructor values his own knowledge and wisdom.

>>25449 I'm exactly like that too. Listening to music and doing nothing else always makes my mind go to places. Though I normally only act out a single character, who is more of a self-insert than anything else.

>>25451 I usually prefer acting out various villains: bumbling mooks, scheming masterminds, hideous monsters and the like. I find it immensely interesting to give these imagined characters a lot of personality and convey it through how they move, gesture and talk. But imagining and acting out hero/main character figures is fun too.

>>25440 I have an imaginary friend who follows me around throughout my day, every day. We can communicate telepathically so I'm not walking around talking to myself. This isn't a psychosis or delusion, I know it's just a long running daydream I made up to entertain myself. It's not that "tulpa" crap either, again because I know it isn't real.

>>25452 Oh, most of mine are villains too. Well, more of anti-heroes, I guess. My favorites are the ones that are all-powerful and can do pretty much anything, which just makes them bored most of the time. I like to think up scenarios that might give them some 'excitement'.

>>25453 >It's not that "tulpa" crap either, again because I know it isn't real Why not, lainon? Most of the tulpamancers I know aren't very different from you in that aspect. People's experiences with it tend to vary a lot. It just seems you're trying to distance yourself from a group because you view it as The Other and is embarrassed being part of.

>>25455 >>25453 Two things humans are silly about: religion and psychology. We don't know what a soul is (or perspective, as that is what a soul really is) nor understand human psychology. What is dissociative identity disorder? A tulpa? What is schizophrenia? An imaginary friend? Are small children temporarily schizophrenic? Is jesus mild schizophrenia, or a tulpa? Is it all just your very complex brain coping by dissociating from itself to create illusions in all cases? No one knows, yet most are not agnostic so they can't admit that there is no way to likely differentiate between the differences of such states of mind.

>only social contact i had was people at the gym i talked to once in a while >one of my good friends got a homegym just before corona virus and haven't seen him in months >actually looked forward talking/working out with him every single time >have no other 'friends' than there, which is only 2 people i talk to >download VRchat because why not >mostly filled with normal people and leddit users >make a small friend group and actually enjoy talking with people >mfw i realize i'm heavily socially deprived

>>25246 >Didn't read the whole wall of text... Yeah, I can tell, not sure if you can see it, but the guy doesn't seem to be enjoying his current condition, so I don't think you're helping a whole lot by saying >oh yeah, if you have a sexual taste, and a bad relationship, that make you feel like soykaf, that's perfectly normal, just get used to it bro, Homo sapiens aren't blah blah blah >>25240 I don't know how much you're still in contact with her rn (I couldn't tell from the post itself), but if you are, cut that soykaf out of your life right. now. Don't be nice about it either, don't "be her friend" after that point, don't be an acquaintance either, she should mean nothing in your life, and she should know it. You may or may not want to hear this, but if your story is the way wrote it, she was being nothing but an abusive bitch, she treated you like crap, she treated you like a busy servant, who's duty is to be there for her whenever she needs you, but she was never there for you, she made you be Mr. P's, and other guys' sloppy seconds, and a mere replacement, and didn't treat you like another human being of his own, worthy of respect, all while being in a relationship with you, that you put a whole lot more effort in than she did. She deserves no sympathy for it, and you shouldn't give it to her. And the fact that she tried to do it all with your friends too, should tell you enough, if she decided to try asking people so close to you for sex, it's clear that either she just didn't care you were there, like you were just a disposable rag, or maybe even just wanted to hurt you for for her own twisted sense of fun, I don't know which it is, but it seems pretty clear, it's one of the two. To then tell you to your face that "she truly loves you", or even worse, to judge you for being "closed minded", don't give into that crap lainon, you can do way better. I may have gotten some details of your story mixed up, and I'm sorry if I did, but I'm certain that my overall impression of this girl is correct, she's not your friend, and never was. Don't try to be on good terms with her, with a person like that, it's no use. Don't let her attack you for being "ClOSeD MiNdEĐ" for not letting her sleep with your friends, call her an abusive disgusting wretch of a human being right back, if you have to ever talk with her again. Don't cry over her, don't apologize, instead, if you feel like letting your emotions out, talk to someone, someone who's actually there for you when you need them. If you haven't already given her the money from the trip that you "owe" her, don't, if she calls you over it, block her, or pick it up just to tell her what you really think of her, don't do another favor for her ever again. As for how to deal with all of this from now on, and not let this crap carry over into a new relationship, here's what I'd suggest: Again, talk with people that you care about, and that care about you, I don't know how many people you have like that, but it will always be helpful to talk to someone, they'll probably be able to give you better advice that some random dude in the wired on the other side of the world, like me. Steer away from "open relationships", I'm not the type to tell people what lifestyle they should go with, but in my experience all open relationships always immediately deteriorate into petty and borderline abusive powerplays, because both people are pretending that sex can be casual, and meaningles, when we all know that it isn't, and that your gf sleeping with someone else is not a pleasant experience for anyone (even people who are into it), don't think for a millisecond that she didn't know she was hurting you, she probably just didn't care. Stay away from any girls who are into, or have been in open relationships, even if you aren't in one with her, they're just never good gf material. These ones are gonna sound kind of dumb, but try to stop masturbating to that kinda garbage, or stop masturbating in general for a while, let you brain take a rest from it, I know there are plenty of people who've had voyeuristic fetishes like that, which remitted once they stopped constantly pleasuring themselves to the thoughts of it. Also avoiding porn would probably be good for you, if you don't already, because almost all porn is incredibly voyeuristic, you are jerkin it to another man having sex with a woman you find attractive after all, so it's best to stay away from it. It goes without saying, but keep socializing with other people, don't let this bad relationship stop you from building new ones, eventually, but don't force yourself into socializing either. You should aim at eventually starting a new relationship with some other girl, one thing you should make sure of is that you aren't making just a replacement for a past failed relationship, but making a new one. You should also not let any following girl step over you like L did. If a girl cheats on you with someone else, dump her right then and there, don't let her excuse herself, don't let her try to pull wool over your eyes, and tell you she loves you when she doesn't. At the same time, make sure that you don't ever become "the jealous type", don't let this experience make you paranoid about future relationships, I've met guys who've been in a similar situation, and then became extremely untrusting, which just made them intolerable for any girl they were with, because they would just suffocate her with constant paranoia and accusations, what's more, these guys usually end up making a self-fulfilling prophecy, because when you suffocate a girl you're in a relationship in, she's just more likely to seek out someone else, who won't, you'd be making the past repeat itself if you do so. Trying to both "not be a simp", and not be a paranoid douche, but just having self-respect for yourself, and not letting someone take you for granted can be pretty hard after a relationship like that. It can be a very delicate dance to keep away from both extremes. But you should learn how to dance it, once you feel ready to try being in another relationship. again sry if this advice isn't the most useful, or if i'm a bit late, but that's the best i can give, good luck lainon, and don't let this break you

>>25445 most people who have this slowly acquired their skill through their lifetime. They had a conducive environment and since they were younger, acquiring the skill was 'fun', they were considered skilled among peers sooner and stressors of cultivating the skill were balanced against other life milestones. I was at the stage you described late in life and just told myself: I don't have the luxuries described above but if i toil long and hard enough then there will be a point in time where I start feeling better about myself and things. this was like 4-5 years ago and now i'm at that point in certain areas of tech. I organically found the areas I liked, I can provide value and it does feel good. best of luck anon

I got myself derezzed from every image and text board I used to be on except this one. No trolling required, apparently I've become just that naturally unpleasant. It makes no sense to stick around. I clearly don't fit into the online world anymore and I don't like it back one bit. What the hell do I do? I've been socializing online all my life. I don't like the people I meet IRL. If I try to reach out to counterculture it's just another flavor of person I dislike. And it's all deliberate. I can fake or half-ass the socializing just fine. I just don't want to talk to anybody anymore. And not like "I don't know what to say", but "I don't want to talk". If I really had to talk I'd just spout a rant or say something hurtful. I'm not proud or happy of this, but I don't know how to fix this problem. I know that somewhere there's a wise solution that will allow me to not hate everyone's guts and carry on with my life, but I can't crack through this shell. When you misplace something, the most likely reason why you cannot find it is that you are always looking in the same place. They say you should look in places where you wouldn't think of looking.

>>25461 i cant even learn to program

>>25477 I love when you worked your ass off for double digit amounts of years and achieved fuarrrking nothing and then you see some kid going >trust me anon I worked a WHOLE YEAR but now I achieved everything, it all pays off, don't be discouraged!!!! And the internet is a never ending barrage of this suicide inducing soykaf

>>25416 Thank you for your words, honestly really helpful. I think for me the biggest issue is kind of forcing myself to have sex: I have a date with a girl I find attractive and things are going well, so I should want to have sex with her right? And I usually kind of do, but in a weird way, kind of like unlocking an achievent kind of way (stroking my ego), not necessarily completely out of a want towards that person. Really unhealthy way to see things. Also there is the part about stressing about erections, which is almost always present when I think about sex, which obviously creates a vicious cycle. But you are correct: life is not a porn flick and there are many many ways to have fulfilling sexual experience without penetration. I think it will just take time for my mind to adjust towards this, more healthy view of sexuality.

>>25455 No I am well aware of what tulpas are and was also in a close relationship with a schizophrenic once and there is very little difference. People with tulpas believe they have partitioned their brains and invented sentient beings with rights, whereas I'm just bored and made up a daydream to entertain myself with. I wish people on this board would stop assuming that no one else but themselves knew what they were talking about.

>>25503 You clearly don't really know much about tulpa communities, then.

>>25503 >People with tulpas believe they have partitioned their brains It's 100% a roleplay. You simply do not have the mental resources to pull it off. Even the schizophrenia angle makes no sense or there would be a consistent overlap and a lot of precedents before one decides to make a tulpa. It was originally a Taoist monk thing except it didn't involve cartoon horses, but nobody is able to concentrate like that in the modern world. A lot of this new age mental stuff is driven by roleplay (I briefly got involved in a meme thing not unlike it, you definitely roll with it because immature people have no real boundary between true belief and playing pretend).

I spent the past two days stitching together a mask, only to remember that I have a massive horn of a nose that prevents it from forming a tight seal. So instead of air passing through the mask, it just passes under my eyes and dries them out. I already hate my nose for being big and ugly, and now it has to keep masks from fitting.

>>25518 go plague doctor style

The bad thoughts are coming back again. I feel trapped, I feel like I've lost a lot of opportunities and everything is going to continue getting worse, and I'll stagnate and be miserable till I die. Not to mention all the external circumstances and the fear of either collapse or things getting progressively worse on a planetary scale.

>>25518 Sew a pipecleaner across the top edge of the mask and shape it to your nose.

I just uploaded a bunch of obscure roms and other rare video game related soykaf to a server. Think I made a mistake. There are a lot of lurkers in said server that stay in there so they can sink their fangs into whatever recent game discovery there is, and soykaf out a poorly researched video essay about it as soon as they can, not paying respect to any original uploader. And they get tons of yt revenue out of it. (inb4 youtube doesnt pay well anymore; guess what, video essays are like youtube's most favored content that isnt controversal in anyway, which is why its such a popular genre of video today.) Now I understand why people hoard their content and never dump anything

>>25548 Ffffffuuuuuuuck. That's horrible. I can't imagine how disastrous that must be. That ѕuсkѕ man, I'm so sorry. I hope you manage to get through it okay, or as close to okay as possible considering the circumstances.

>>25460 >again sry if this advice isn't the most useful, or if i'm a bit late, but that's the best i can give, good luck lainon, and don't let this break you No, lainon, thanks a lot for your wall of text, it really helps to find someone supportive after such a major event in my life. As for my relationship with L, we're not in contact anymore, although it's been difficult to forget my feelings for her. Thankfully I'm about to embark on a career I love, and have other hobbies i'm passionate about to complement it, I have even a couple of friends I can sometimes rely on. I'll try to heed your advice as best as I can, thanks again, lainon.