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Dear Lainon, I've fully learned another life lesson. You see, it used to be that I tried to look for the solutions to my problems in others - being with them, among them, loved - But I obviously ended up hurting myself and have been, for a while, in a stage of isolation. Now I ask, because I myself do not rightly know, should I return to the 'world of the living', try to interact and be around others, try to invest myself in them, knowing the risks and knowing my problems have to be sorted out on my own time, or should I stay within myself? I hesitate because I know people who've developed in a healthy manner and never had problems they were so desperate to fix they looked for the solution in others end up seeing their relationships with others as an end game, which I now know they are not. It is true that you can never really know a person, never really rely on them, and so I wish not to have such an unstable and unfulfilling thing become my life. What do I do lainon?

Take the middle road. You don't have to dive into it completely, and you don't have to hermit yourself away. You can spend some time alone, and some time with others. you can be self-reliant/independant while letting others, occasionally, help you (just be sure to have a back-up plan, in case something goes wrong with that other helping). Invest yourself into yourself, but don't keep all your eggs in one basket: Diversify! invest a bit in others, but don't rely on any one investment. if one or two fail, you still have some others. if your investment into yourself fails, you, at least, won't be left with nothing. Unless you've burned all your bridges, or live somewhere where there aren't that many others, you should be OK. If some of your social investments don't come to fruition, you can always find a new other in whom to invest.

Do not get sucked in to social matters, if you get in too deep pull the plug. Totally isolating yourself is not better either, but if you dont have control its better to be on your own, that way there are less variables in the equation. Should you chose to have a social life you must remember that the world we live in will soon end and those who remain attached to it will perish.

>>15031 find people you like, you don't have to go out every single day with them, but find some common ground or hobbys you like to discuss. I know this get said a lot here, but we are social creatures and total isolation is literally bad for our health.

I'm old. I know wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age, but I'd like to share my point of view just in case it has. Take with salt. Make sure the lesson you learned is proactive and useful, not simply a Pavlovian fear response. It's okay, we're all susceptible to those. Everybody. No exceptions. That just means you always have to examine the lesson closely. Sometimes instinct is wrong; not always, but make sure. Trust, but verify. If you've learned a good lesson, then you should be able to use it for something. Try and find out what that is. It should open some new paths, not just block old ones. Keep in mind that new paths might be back where you've already come from. A fork you missed. Not always, but don't overlook that. Sometimes you need more time than you think to process dramatic changes in your life. You'll think you've already fit the pieces together and know the outcome, but then half a decade later you'll find another piece somewhere under the rug. All of a sudden you realize you hadn't actually seen it all yet. That moment can be freeing or it can be shattering, depending on how you prepare for it. Love yourself, even if you don't think you're worth it. It's a faith thing. You have to believe in yourself even if it's totally futile. Forgive me if I'm being presumptive here; I have to use my own experiences as a model, but for all I know you love yourself plenty. I'm not real big on the whole "self esteem" movement, but some baseline of self-respect is essential to function at all. Love others eventually, later. Try to find a way to do it that isn't codependent, kind of like loving a genre of music or loving a nice view from a high place. It doesn't have to be a love that's tied up and tangled, although eventually it's good to give part of yourself to others. Don't rush it. Do the preliminary work with yourself first of all. Even if you don't get to the end, part of the way still provides a lot of value.