Spiraling fits of self hatred

I'm usually a fairly happy and positive person, I meditate regularly and I try to hold some general value for myself, but... Somewhat frequently something will happen that causes me to doubt myself or something along those lines and I just sink into this spiral of pointing out all the bad things and doubting myself constantly. I'll think things like "of course I could never be good at anything," "the universe is playing sick jokes on me," etc and theres absolutely nothing I can ever do to get myself out of this spiral. My only hope is to ride out the day and then hope by the time I've gone home, smoked some weed and slept that I've forgotten and can do better the next day. I need any thoughts or advice at all on this, I'm genuinely at a loss on what this is or what I can do about it.

>>13356 Excercise, eat better, focus on thinking positively. It's a skill that comes with practice. >I'm genuinely at a loss on what this is or what I can do about it. >theres absolutely nothing I can ever do to get myself out of this spiral. These are delusions, it's depression making you feel (and to be honest be) pathetic. As someone who has come out of depression, I no longer feel the urge to coddle and help depressed people. It sounds counterintuitive, but I promise I'm not just being a dick. Did your parents tell you life was going to be easy? You have to help yourself. Millions of people have done it, you can too. Google is your friend. Make some decisions. When soykaf doesn't work out, keep at it. You can slowly become less pathetic. Oh, also you should limit your smoking. You already know this

>>13358 Its super pathetic, I know lol. And no I wasn't coddled growing up or anything, if anything I was lacking any kind of support most of my life

you have depression and probably need therapy. I know sounds lame. Im just being honest, in spite of the edgy opinions of this board sometimes, of which I will probably receive many, this doesnt SOUND like a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of situation. When you describe what your describing you will have to deal with two types of well intentioned people who I personally think arent helpful. I could be wrong. One is the person who doesnt have depression but has had a rough life, because they have had their fair share of suffering they assume the depressive person is a past version of themselves or worse, somebody who has no reason to be depressed (which is surprisingly accurate but doesnt help any). Suffering is universal, but how often isnt, but because its universal people dont like the idea that someone suffers "more" ESPECIALLY if they have had a rough life. It feels like it invalidates their experience in a way, how can you possibly have it worse than me? Its all in your head, you need to do what I did and just get over yourself! Totally true, of course its in your head. But the head is very powerful, and the depressive person has a different kind of head. The other person is the depressed person who assumes their coping mechanisms are universal, that their depression is universal across those who are depressed, or worse, thinks their depression is univeesal even among those who ARENT depressed. They arent aware or dont believe that some people arent depressed most of the time, off a similar logic that suffering is universal and we all seem to know this at some level. Again this neglects that while everyone suffers, only some do as often or in response to nothing besides just existing. In the case of the other anon heres my assumption, its just an assumption. Depression isnt always a lifetime illness, I think the other lainon >>13358 HAD depression and naturally as it went away, healthy actions would coincide as he felt more able to do them. On the surface it seems like he pulled himself out of it, when in reality it may have been already going away. Dont get mad, I said I think this is you but its more of a scenario. Obviously I dont know you, but couldnt this potentially be what have happened? Especially if it was during your late teens/young adulthood when short term depression is common? Also couldnt this potentially just be a break? Depression can be like cancer, it can go away, come back, go away forever, be terminal, etc. the reason im fairly positive you have depression is the spiraling even though you "know better" is classic. People dont understand that when you are spiraling like this the advice and knowing its not true doesnt matter, that is what makes depression depression. Its not under your control, the bad soykaf just comes on spirals until its run its course, like a flu. You in some ways are lucky because you have the self reflection to know the reasons are irrelevant and it just happens, and you now can clearly tell when its happening. This is honestly the first step to managing it so good job. Im not attacking the other anons advice by the way. >>13358 Excersize will help and so will limiting smoking. When you are working on your mental health you shouldnt be doing drugs because it confuses things. I also think its helpful to ACT as if the depression is something you can pull yourself out of. If it isnt you tried and if it is you now have a chance. I just dont agree that its just a delusion. It might be, we cant know that. It doesnt sound like it to me. Again you will probably need therapy, they will also reccomend all the things the other lainon is reccomending so dont worry about being coddled. They just will also be able to give you a plan unique to your depression. Im positive if you spoke to an intake therapist and said what you just said they would recognize it as depression.

>>13427 I want to clarify that I wasn't saying "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" in my earlier post: >>13358 Getting help may also be part of the equation, but OP has to do it. Nobody can do it for them

>>13427 Not OP but this post was very well written,

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/ Learn about cognitive distortions and watch for them in your thoughts. As I understand it, there is a significant chance that you'd be asked to do this if you went to a therapist, as >>13427 suggested.

>>13495 Alright thats fair and makes sense.

i'm not really immersed in chan culture, whatever that is, so my response may not come across as something that is a popular opinion here - im just not from that part of the internet! but i have very similar feelings very often and i understand how hard and soulcrushing they may sometimes be. i dont believe in the whole "getting yourself by the bootstraps" schtick. if you are hurting, your pain deserves acknowledgement. from my experiences, it only gets worse if you pretend its not here and grind until there's not much left of you. i'm not saying that it's not in your responsibility to soothe it and get better and learn how to function - just that your pain and hurt and all your emotions and the underlying causes (it doesnt come from nowhere, its learned) deserve to be seen and taken care of honestly, seek professional help if you are able to and if you are not, maybe check some self help sources like dbt sheets you can find on libgen (for example marsha linehan dbt skills training handouts and worksheets). dbt was something lifechanging for me - it doesnt offer a solution to your past that probably made you like that, but it offers you skills to change your thinking and habits and response to stress. mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. learining them and practicing them and doing all the worksheets, especially on your own, is just a pain in the ass, but my life quality improved so much and i'm stuck in self hating loop so much less other things you may want to look at - fixed vs growth mindset, self soothing thoughts (validation - its ok that i hurt and i want to feel better, reassurance - i can handle this pain even though it hurts, perspective taking - i've had bad days like this before and i've made through them. i can remember my better days and knoe im not always hurting this much), ten ways to untwist your thinking honestly, i wish you all the best. it's not pathetic. no one deserves to feel that way.