i have no other place to vent but theres something deeply wrong with my family. they have been giving me pills since i was extremely young, spec my father. it was paxil, manotryxythilamine, some quetiapine, and other names that i do not know. for him, i was schizorenic or something else. nobody in school knew. and im still here surviving on the last dollar. he called schizophrenic anyone who believed in Jesus or any God. a real sick fuarrrking person, and my mother always knew, and supported him. ive always had issues with concentration and focus and others in my class never knew or as i later found out thought i was on "acid pills" or was shrooming on the dl, or was indeed shcizorenic or something, or had some secrets. and they never even knew. to this day i struggle with focus and all of this and my brain just genuinely feels fuarrrked. it all started when my pet died and instead of giving me any emotional support , my parents never even hugged me, they just started pilling me. heavily, giving me pills and then put me in a mental institution. and so then i started being into God, and all. now they basically said theyre ridding me of my apartment but i have so much depression i cant even work. and it just feels like im fuarrrked in life, and most of the time people look at my behavior and cant tell what tf is even going on, and i dont have enough balls to explain that.
I need support. i talk to my parents, and they tell me i need help but theyre giving me "help" from the damage thats cause by the drugs themselves it seems theyre giving me (like some narcissistic "help"), and they tell me "no", "its in my head". i do not see anything or hear any voices btw. and it feels like gaslighting. my mind just checks out. and it goes on and on and on