Stuck between a rock and a hard place

Hello people, I am looking for some advice about life. I seem to be stuck in this place where I frankly don't want to do anything. I am not depressed, yet not happy at the same time. I am a student and a pretty soykafty one at that (mostly due to the fact I do not enjoy the course at all) but even if I switched, I would still not study as much as I should. I kind of want to, give up? Work a soykafty 9-5 and exist until death. I did work some part time jobs that were practically 9-5 but while miserable I didnt kind of feel anything as well. I did get professional help, but they just want to medicate me. While the meds do make me feel happy at times, they make me miserable as well. It also all feels so fake when I took them, plus some side-effects I feel until today (I stopped a year ago) They put me in some dark places one time. And I am kind of sick of being a guniea pig to find out which med wont get me to off myself. Relationships also just don't work for me, each time I get out of the "early honeymoon" phase they just kind of bore me and it ends. The thing is I don't want to give up either, something is stopping me, but I do not know what or why. I feel like sometimes that I am meant to do more than just rot until death, yet I can't seem to get myself to do whatever it is to change. It feels like there are two people fighting for control inside of my brain, and yet I never was diagnosed with Schizophrenia or Bipolar personality disorder or anything of the sorts. I am wondering if anyone felt something similar or is living in this exact situation. What to do or what would you recommend?

Seems like you're missing purpose in life. There are a plethora of political ideologies and religions to choose from. If the world has you down, find a reason to change the world? If you want to serve something greater, maybe look to spirituality if anything speaks to you if serving the people by itself doesn't fulfill you? I feel finding purpose is better suited to alleviate your ennui than what the docs are trying plug you with. Nothing wrong with working an honest 9 to 5 if a career is not your priority and it seems you are having a spiritual crisis. Can't speak on love. I have no idea what I'm doing either. If money is not an issue, stay in the school environment where you can find friends and others who can teach you either new perspectives for a fresh look at life or at least keep you company while you feel down if you feel like a soykafty 9 to 5 is enough for your needs. As for what wolf you should feed, the one the that treats you nicer. Pic unrelated.

Allow yourself to change positively You will grow old whether you want it or not so try to grow in a positive way which you do want. It requires effort but that's what gives it the sense of fulfilling accomplishment. On another note, you could try to lucid dreams and just ask the dream/ "your subconscious". Could be profound.

>I am a student and a pretty soykafty one at that (mostly due to the fact I do not enjoy the course at all) but even if I switched, I would still not study as much as I should. Have you checked in with a career counselor? They could steer you towards a profession you'll likely find an interest in.

>>101307 I'd rather just be like a mercenary and find whatever job, and learn skills I like or need to get to an even better one. I'd save aggressively so I can retire in a few years or so. The book Early Retirement Extreme explained this but you don't need to read it. I too feel anhedonic sometimes and funnily I make up entire philosophical frameworks in my head, but I think I moved on from that recently. I don't feel as much happy but I'm not sad either. I think that at least there are things you want to do, and you don't have any kind of crippling loneliness either. So one thing you can do is (even if you don't feel like it) having a little intentional downtime for yourself, which can be having walks, reading, etc.; other than that, try to take off whatever distractions or things you *want* to do but you don't *like*, maybe after realizing how they're often fundamentally broken (e.g. social media feeds are built just for your engagement, fear, etc. It has nothing to do with giving you truth or genuinely good art, or whatever. It just wants your lizard brain to react and keep you in the platform for as long as possible). Most importantly, you can also get better at studying even if you don't like studying in of itself. You must find a reason why anything you're doing is actually meaningful or just slightly interesting, or see it like a challenge that would enhance your own identity. This is because "wanting" and "liking" are neurologically different. And like I said, many times we already want to do things we don't like (in addictions), but we can also rewire our brains to do things that are hard or feel "pointless" for us to do. Never EVER "motivate" yourself to study just for avoiding humiliation or gaining praise from other people, because very likely that'd make your brain automatically give as little effort as possible just to get with it. The brain shrimply wants you to save as little energy as impossible that it thinks it's important. Good luck, lain.

I'm stuck in almost the exact same rut but without the meds and stuff. so far the only thing that seems to help is to find productive/creative things that you enjoy partaking in outside of your studies, but preferably related to them. idk, think about what topics you used to be excited about when you were younger or maybe what where skills you always admired/envied. god be with you, I hope you manage to break out of this lain, that'll mean there's hope for me too

>>101355 > shrimply I love you

Maybe find something to give yourself to. It doesn't even have to be some grand purpose or goal, it can be something like someone you love (not specifically a relationship). Maybe even try social work? Whatever you think, though, remember you are never rotting. There is no growth or rot, only change. The ideals that you compare yourself to are all made up. I love you, Lain, I hope you find whatever you are looking for

>>101307 This is a good thing, my behaviour is afected by memory, and I realized thinking good things like the "fun" moments about my life gets me in horrible situations, you should constantly relive in your head the worst things that ever happened over and over again.