dissociative disorders

any lains with DID, DDNOS, Depersonalization disorder or anything related?

I think that's everybody here for the most part.

This morning or yesterday morning, I don't remember now, I woke up and enuinely thought "who am i" "where am i" I genuinely couldn't remember my name when I woke up. It was frightening. >any lains with DID, DDNOS, Depersonalization disorder or anything related? But no.

OP here. I've been feeling like I'm not real for many years. I even developed multiples of myself to try and cope. I constantly swap between serious, normal, and at times a younger personality takes control. She's like 11 or 12 years old. It's confusing to explain.

I dont consider reality and by extension myself real. I have no idea if this counts or not.

I've experienced a great deal of dp/dr related to my depression and anxiety. Sometimes it scares me but I do not know what to do about it. Nothing seems to have helped yet.

I used to believe, for a time, that I didn't exist, or that my existence was only a figment of imagination. Not so much anymore. But I've always been distanced from "the real world." I work better in the abstract than I do reality, but I'd say that's also a good chunk of the normal human population. Though, every now and then I start getting delusional about how the world isn't real. But again, I would think a lot of people go through that.

Not sure if this is related But when I stand up >orthostatic hypotension and I don't know anything for a bit I would say I am even less of "myself" during that time than when sleeping

sometimes if I watch a bunch of interviews with someone my brain like borrows their thoughts and I subconsciously start talking like them just a little (thankfully its not noticeable) and thinking like them in new situations but I don't think it exists except in the rarest cases. It's just a product of overthinking. I could easily describe to you how I have one of these disorders. I feel isolated from myself in the world, I have no idea who I actually am. With every person or friend group it feels like im an actor playing somebody else, even around my own family. I have no long term wants or desires, only short term in the moment depending on which "part" im playing. I don't even have values. I often start forgetting how i'm normally supposed to act, and questioning even basic assumptions I make. I have no idea how people perceive me, I don't know how I perceive myself. or I could also just tell you this is how i've been feeling from say HS to last year, it was a phase and still is kind of, but i'm only 19. It isn't uncommon for people to ask these questions in our society at least about themselves, especially as you get older. You may find that nobody can put you in some kind of box, and then you cant put yourself there. There is many reasons you may feel like this, all fairly common so don't jump to I have some disorder and its going to get worse. also you really only find out who you are through experience. For example you can say you are very honest, but who knows when faced with a tough situation that involves people your personally attatched to. This could also be where these feelings come from, you act incongruent with how your brain thinks you act. All that is, is shattering your own illusion of yourself and its a good thing. at the end of the day you are you and thats all there is to it. What is it exactly you think is supposed to be there that isn't. Could you describe who you are supposed to be, or what it is you are looking for? if you could problem solved I guess, but it doesn't exist. There is no "real you". Maybe you are really looking for how other people perceive you or something related? You'd have to get feedback from another person and thats what some relationship group therapies are about if you don't have many friends (or even if you do, its surprisingly helpful). "Who am I" is a question that answers itself.

>>558 Same

>>663 Me too, dp/dr due to panic disorder/agoraphobia and whatnot. I got rid of it for the most part. By living healthy (I don't think that's a meme, it really helps), not isolating myself completely and by giving it time.

I can't really tell I am any of those things since no real psychologist but 4 years ago I had a strong emotional shock from bullying and general life fuarrrkery that I questioned my life existance until I had a strong hallucinations. It was strong emotion, like when you see a child in amgry crying temper tantrum but on whole another field of emotion. I felt like a damn plank of wood with nothing, emptyness and coldness inside. That is when I wasn't in my seat anymore but I was in the black void of nothingness, floating. I had a sense that the void said to me "anon, I love you" and then 2 black balls pushed upon my body from front and back, pinching me in between. Those balls felt kind of warm, as if someone gave you a hug. Then I was dropped back into my chair in my high school. I looked around to see if anyone noticed anything or to see if anything happened to me. Nobody nothing. Anyone had similar experience?

>>3924 Addendum: despite now having friends who are nice and seem to care about me now, i feel more confused and disconnected than ever before. Maybe weed fuarrrked me up, but more likely i had it coming as i was depressed my whole life. It made me realize just how disconnected i am from others, i cant properly explain it. I dont know whats wrong with me.

>>3940 sorry for butting in but sauce for these images? I saw at least 5 or 6 of them here

>>3948 I got a whole folder with about 100 and there are more untranslated ones but i forgot where. I can zip it, but i dont know where to upload.

I made an edgepost here a while ago where some lains told me I probably had derealization, but I haven't gone to a doctor or anything about it so who knows. I definatley have something along that vein.

>>4222 Hey, it's still up. >>2213

I feel alienated as fuarrrk all the time. How could you not feel unreal in a society where everything's been colonized by spectacle. Reality itself is unreal.

>>536 I do this a lot when I wake up. When I have really immersive/emotional dreams, I carry the identity/goals of whoever I was in the dream with me after I wake up for a bit, before I realize who I really am. I don't think it's atypical/aneurotypical.

When I smoked a lot it happened a couple of times. That's when I learned that what we feel is deeply influenced by perspective. The feeling of being detatched from reality can be either very liberating or very scary and jarring. :)

>>523 Yeah, I basically lie to everyone in my life about who I am because I have to, and probably have 5-6 major identities that I cycle between. The world feels like a very tedious illusion. I don't think about it very often, but it set-in a long time ago. I've found focusing on it just makes it worse.

>>523 I'm not sure. For a majority of my childhood, I always felt floaty and blank.

>>3988 anywhere works anon.

>>4222 hey, i was the lain who told you that it seemed like derealization/depersonalization. How's life? And do you still have those episodes?

>>523 I'm sure there are some. I have depression and anxiety which happen to affect me in ways that induce dissociation/depersonalization and minor psychotic symptoms sometimes. Especially if I've smoked a lot the day before it gets worse, hence why I don't smoke so much these days. I suggest looking into the Serial experiments lain PS1 game, it deals with these themes more that in the anime, although I don't think it's as good as the show it's still interesting.

>>4599 Hey Lain. It hasn't stopped. In fact it's got more intense and frequent. I can't really complain though, since this is mostly my fault for not doing anything about it. To be honest, I don't really care. Meatspace at the scale and area that I inhabit really isn't worth trying to exist in. I'm still thinking that I can push through the limbo and find something neat at the other end, it's just a matter of organising the sensations in the derealized state into something coheasive and working out a protocol from the information it gives me. Actally, that last sentence made me think of the writings of crazy people who think they're being stalked by alien reptiles or something. Is that what I sound like? Is that evidence that I'm just being a moron? >>4620 >I suggest looking into the Serial experiments lain PS1 game I started playing the web version of this a couple of days ago. Delving more into Lains psychology, I'm finding an eerie amount of correlation with my life, even superficial things. I imagine other Lainons will probably find simillarly.