Lost

I've been living in a town for almost eight years. I had to move back here after I completed graduate school in order to care for my mother, who had cancer. Unfortunately, my abusive father was also in the picture, and he broke me. My mother died two years later, and ever since then I've just become a dud, drifting in the stagnant waters where I've been shipwrecked. It has been even worse to see what happened to my family after that, with my father perfectly happy as a clam with another woman not even a year and a half after my mother's death (he couldn't even wait six months, to be honest) and everything about my mother taken down, thrown out or stored away. My life has sort of been a nightmare of sorts. The real issue, though, is that I've wanted to move away for so long, but have had nowhere to go. I don't have a lot of money due to being on SSI (it wasn't my idea to get on that; my hand was forced by my father), and housing rates are very expensive these days. However, when I recently consulted the I Ching multiple times concerning renewing my current lease, it has stated that something very bad will happen to me if I decide to stay here. I feel like this is something that I have to do, but I have no idea where. Communes? Those are run by cults. Monasteries? Perhaps that is a little bit more sensible, but nonetheless highly restrictive. I'm lost, and I don't know where to go. Have any of you been where I have been? Can any of you point me in the right direction? Homelessness can't work; I'm too old to pick myself up from my feet if I do that. Such things can only work for the young, and I feel that I've exhausted all viable opportunities in my life. Sad thing is, is that this is probably true. Still, I need to get away from here; I have a very bad feeling this time, and the tragedy is that there may be no possible way out, and nowhere to go.

Depending on your religion, you could move to a place like the homestead, or a Kibbutz. If nothing else, why not move to a big city? They're a tad filthy and polluted, but there's more to do here.

depending on your age, the military might not be a bad option if you just want guidance and to learn a skill. Its helped more than a few down-and-out souls find direction. I will try to help where I can if that something you are interested in.

>>5179 I'm not religious, and the city tends to be a lot more expensive than where I'm at right now. There is also a whole bunch of crime in those places (although there is some here, too) and I'm not someone who could move to such a place on a whim. Activities also cost money, for the most part. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I moved to a city; I have a mental illness that kind of goes rampant when I'm around too many people. When I was in graduate school in Tennessee I became a lot more paranoid and moody, although I had more fun there than I have here, I will admit. >>5180 I just turned 34 a couple months ago, which makes me too old for that. I've thought about it in the past before, but it seemed like a mistake at the time. I do have an advanced degree that would be of some use, but I'm more or less unmarketable/undesirable. I can't believe that this happened to me. I had good intentions. I mean, I did the right thing by getting an advanced degree and then going back home for my mother. Why did it end up like this? I'm not trying to throw a pity party, but I don't know what roads to take anymore. Everything seems like it is blocked off or otherwise inaccessible.

>>5182 With an advacned degre, I believe you can still join up until 35 if that is something you till want to explore. what is your degree in? an alternative for someone with a degree is joining the peace corps. you are provided with food, housing, and when you return from duty, $8000 to sort your self out. its more of an ideological task rather than a a a profitable one, but based on your initial post, it sounds fitting. https://www.peacecorps.gov/about/agency-jobs/ don't be upset about yourself. you genuinely had good intentions. and it is not your fault that you are in a bad situation with possibly shady characters. you can turn your life around even at your age. i am going to assume you don't have many attachments to the world anyway, which means you are a completely open book when it comes to trying something new.

>>5183 >>5182 here are the volunteer positions (not jobs, but you get the 8k) https://www.peacecorps.gov/volunteer/volunteer-openings/ >>5182

>>5177 Mostly it depends on what skills do you have and in what part of the world do you live. You might be able to find a job in a big city. I believe that living in a small town is the worst thing for anon to do. We usually don't want to take part in local community life so the big city will give you the freedom to live how you like, without thinking how the others will look at you. Right now I am doing whatever I can to stay in the city and not going back to my town because I know it would kill me inside. It is also still possible to start a new carreer, even at your age. I know it might be hard, I am 29 rigt now and I also feel that I'm stuck with my current life. Even some simple work for the start might be a good idea, just to get away from toxic surroundings you live in right now. Later you might develop some new skills and try to look for something better. Also it would be easier to find some new meanigful people in the city, where you can find different groups of interest than in the town hwere everybody know each other, are judgemetal, gossip and all that stuff we all hate. I feel really sorry for your loss and I wish you the best. I hope you will get away from current misry and find some hapiness

>>5183 My degree is in Experimental Psychology. It wasn't marketable, though, because my program never gave any of the graduate students teaching experience, which was fatal. Both the military and the peace corps seem like halfway sensible options, but I'm sure that the peace corps is flooded with applicants and I'm not sure if I would want to go to some third-world country for a couple of years. Considering that I am on SSI and that the military wouldn't accept me due to having a psychiatric condition, and the fact that the peace corps might do the same thing, but even if not then the 8k alone would kick me off of SSI and I'd have to pay back all of what I was paid for years. You can only have up to 2k in your savings and only about 3k of wealth, which is retarded; SSI is essentially designed poverty. I don't mind being poor that much, but I've wondered if SSI is really what is best for me. I did consult the I Ching on it recently, and it said that SSI was in fact appropriate, but nonetheless how the hell am I going to escape this place? Everywhere outside of my town in Northern Idaho is really expensive for some retarded reason and I honestly think that if I don't leave soon I will end up in misery, or jailed, or committed, or worse. I just get a really bad vibe. Thanks; not too many understand my situation. I was very calloused about talking to people online about this because in the past I would be insulted by idiots because they thought that I was getting money for free and simply being a leech. Well, perhaps I am in fact not working but I can barely function and in order to get on SSI for psychiatric purposes you basically have to prove that you are retarded (not literally, but you get the idea). I don't like saying that, but it does make you feel like trash. >>5185 I'm good at writing. That is one of my hobbies, and I used to write large documents, poems and at one time a novel. I completed all of them but eventually I stopped outside of the occasional essay because while people liked them, it didn't seem like too many people were taking notice. Most people these days are attracted to shiny things on reddit, youtube and facebook, and while there are indeed interesting things on there (such as MushroomLandTV) for the most part it is just glitter-covered garbage. I don't even mean to say it in such a judgmental way, but it is. My current town is small at 25,000 and I got into some bad news at the local university a little less than a year ago that kind of blemished my life for a while; I still have nightmares about it. There are other things about this town that I don't like, either, and most of the people who know me are at least awkward around me, or even hate me. I have only one real friend now, who was a guy who ran an Orange Julius at a local mall. It is amazing; as little as two years ago there was only one person that I knew of that hated me. Things can change, for the worse typically. You are right for the most part; the city would be better in terms of opportunity and I could in fact get away from most of this drama. Moving back here was bad enough because this place is basically an empty void outside of the universities, but take into account that my parents were in the picture, with my father being the way he was and my mother dying, that would end me.

>>5177 > Communes? Those are run by cults Not always. Often times they're just run by hippies, anarchists, or DIY-oriented people. If the only deterrent for you is cultists, you should reconsider communes. You've already got a graduate degree. You could go for another one. Pick something similar to experimental psychology and find a school that will give you an assistantship. If you've got a PhD you shouldn't have too hard of a time finding such a school. If you've got a Master's, it may take a little longer to find, but probably not too long. It'll also help you marketability after you get out of school. Employers will see "advanced degree... 8 year gap caring for mother with cancer and other family matters... advanced degree." >When I was in graduate school in Tennessee I became a lot more paranoid and moody Grad school in Tennessee does that to you t. grad student in Tennessee

> Communes? Those are run by cults. Monasteries? Perhaps that is a little bit more sensible A monastery is by definition run by a cult; a commune probably isn't but most of them don't take in strangers unless the stranger has some skill that is needed.

>>5177 >However, when I recently consulted the I Ching multiple times concerning renewing my current lease, it has stated that something very bad will happen to me if I decide to stay here. Don't subscribe to divination, it performs worse than almost any other method of future prediction. At it's best, it's only an excuse for you to let yourself believe what you already know. >>5182 >I had good intentions. I mean, I did the right thing by getting an advanced degree and then going back home for my mother. Every good man gets a hard luck sometimes. - What is it that you want, Lain? It's not complicated to find work that will pay enough to live in a big city; pull 50 hours doing untrained work (retail, warehouse work, construction, landscaping, janitorial work) or take a year at a trade school and work a trade for a while.

>>5192 Sorry, also: >>5186 >I stopped outside of the occasional essay because while people liked them, it didn't seem like too many people were taking notice. Write for yourself, not for other people.

I despise myself. I went on a date with a girl and through the evening I wasn't able to make any move despite we were already meeting couple of times, kissed and all that stuff. Now I don't know if I didn't blew it because of my undecisivness and this situation is giving me tons of anxiety. What the hell is wrong with me? I thought I have made some progress with myself but today I feel like soykaf again. I try not to make a fool of myself but the result is exactly the opposite.

>>5195 great, now i see that I posted in wrong thread

>>5188 When you join a commune, you have to follow the political or social beliefs of the members, or else you're going to be in for a hell of a ride. Not to mention that they are run by people who tend to have a personality cult with glib charm and are generally sociopathic, which makes for a dangerous combination. I might be able to go back to school, but I'm afraid that I'd start back at square one. It is a little too late to apply for next year, anyway. Not to mention how most universities are saturated with SJW policies and breastfeed opportunistic minorities and Muslims at the expense of their own people, which I wholeheartedly despise and want nothing to do with it. >>5192 Divination seems to have its place. It can help channel your subconscious, and it can predict things. Last year in the beginning it told me that I should keep a low profile and that bad things would happen; they did, and I had to keep a low profile after that. I don't have anything else to rely on besides my intuition, in any case. I don't know if I can work anymore. I was put on a lot of medications that messed with my energy levels as well as my brain, and I've just been through so much crap that I just lost all drive. Everything just seemed to break me in. I'm a white man and everyone wants to tear me apart just because of that, all the while feral Muslim apes in Europe get to run rampant, impregnate white women through rape, and simply get put in a cushy day-care center if the natives even have the backbone to press charges. The world that I love is being destroyed from both within and without and I don't know what to do about it. >>5193 I think that what broke me on that account was that I couldn't find an agent. No one reads books anymore, anyway.

>>5211 > they are run by people who tend to have a personality cult with glib charm and are generally sociopathic Where do you even get this information?

>>5213 I met a former leader of a Crusty homeless gang that fit this bill. This was only a year ago and now he has ended up avoiding prison time (for some reason) while attending university and running a mental health recovery center. He is very dangerous, and such people have thrived in these socially liberal times.

>>5216 You base your opinion on a single person. OK.

>>5217 I've heard similar stories from others, both online and off. I had a father that was extremely manipulative and abusive. I know what I'm talking about and I have the intuition to connect the dots, even if it is only from one example.

>>5218 Actually, the majority of "communes" don't want strangers at all because they are weary of freeloaders, thieves and/or creeps. They aren't out to recruit victims and probably ran away to the country in the first place to be away from too many people. You are just wrong.

>>5219 Okay, I will say that I was wrong about that part. But there are large groups of people out there, either gangs, cliches, and yes, sometimes even communes, that have a "philosophy" of sorts and the members are persuaded by a charismatic character to do questionable or dirty deeds for his own personal gain. It happens, and I've met them before.

>>5220 Yes I've heard of these too. The Catholic Church is one of the bigger ones I think.

>>5211 >I was put on a lot of medications that messed with my energy levels as well as my brain, and I've just been through so much crap that I just lost all drive. That's a weak rationalization. >I'm a white man and everyone wants to tear me apart just because of that, all the while feral Muslim apes in Europe get to run rampant, impregnate white women through rape, and simply get put in a cushy day-care center if the natives even have the backbone to press charges. Sounds like a victim complex to me. If the immigration crisis in europe was solved, would you become a successful person? My guess is no. >I think that what broke me on that account was that I couldn't find an agent. No one reads books anymore, anyway. The publishing industry in the U.S. makes tens of billions, anually. If publishing was an issue, https://www.patreon.com/Wildbow is an author who has never printed any of his work, has never signed a deal with a third party, never advertised, never put anything behind a paywall, and is making 50k a year.

>>5211 >I'm afraid that I'd start back at square one It sounds like you're at square one already. Maybe it's time to realize that.

>>5227 No. It isn't a rationalization at all. I've felt this. I used to be on five different medications at once when I was younger and I can see a stark contrast to how I was before, and how I am now. Although in fairness, it has improved somewhat, albeit gradually. Not really a victim complex since that stuff really is happening and people are just sitting on their hands with their thumbs up their asses, and I'd despise Muslims no matter what, but that is neither here nor there. It won't get solved and those monkeys are just going to chimp chimp chimp until we're destroyed. >>5228 I did. But when I take a risk like this, I could end up at a worse place, like being broke or homeless. Maybe even dead or in jail. I don't know what to do or what to make of anything. Maybe I should just stay indoors, because nothing is going to change no matter where I move to, at least for me. White people are going to continue to be oblivious to their own demise due to the fact that their exclusive ability of interracial empathy is being used as a weapon against them, and I can't do anything about it, or go anywhere to either run away or stop it. Those fuarrrking dirka dirka monkeys are in Northern Idaho, for fuarrrk's sake.

>>5229 >people are just sitting on their hands with their thumbs up their asses What, like you're doing? I'm not a racist myself, and I despise those who are. But if that's what you truly believe, you must have a moral imperative to do something about the problem you're seeing. Especially if it's affecting your life to this degree.

>>5232 What could I do? My morals prevent me from harming anyone. And there hasn't been anything serious in these neck of the woods. Do you think that hating people is fun for me? There is a real problem, and there is nothing I can do about it, and yet none of it can be accepted. It makes my brain want to scream.

>>5233 >there is nothing I can do about it, and yet none of it can be accepted This way lies madness. If there is truly nothing that you can do about it, you simply have to accept it. You could look into getting a therapist. Even if they don't share your views, they may be able to help you find peace with what you view to be the truth. Stoicism as a philosophy seems to be geared towards helping people accept the unacceptable, though I'm not a stoicist myself. If it is truly unacceptable... well, let's break down the problem, shall we? You said: >all the while feral Muslim apes in Europe get to run rampant, impregnate white women through rape, and simply get put in a cushy day-care center if the natives even have the backbone to press charges >White people are going to continue to be oblivious to their own demise due to the fact that their exclusive ability of interracial empathy is being used as a weapon against them >My morals prevent me from harming anyone You're basically saying, islamic immigrants are causing a catastrophic amount of violence in white communities, and white people aren't aware of it? Find statistics. Look at areas with unusually high levels of immigrant violence, those will be the ones which will be easiest to convert. Get involved in your local municipality, talk to people about the crime rates. Be sure to be calm, confident, and use hard data to prove your points. Change starts at the local level, and bubbles upward. Find like minded, capable people, and organize them. Write essays about nonviolent deportation, and circulate them. It is too easy to find an all-powerful cause and hang your problems on it. You mentioned SJW politics in universities, so I'm sure you've heard of girls who get philosophy or women's studies degrees and blame their lack of success on broad, social phenomena like capitalism or the patriarchy. This is the same. Either accept the world as you see it, or do something to change it.

>>5234 Yes, it is madness. This has been on my mind for years, and to see what came out of the refugee crisis was a living nightmare. The media and governments tried so hard to cover it up, but it got to the point where even they couldn't even deny it anymore. But still, people think and believe that it is just something that should happen to the only race on Earth who cared for others more than they cared for themselves. We see ourselves as monsters when we are the only ones who ever cared to stop the atrocities. Many will say that this was merely pretension from our own narcissism, but I genuinely feel that only white people can care for non-whites selflessly, while the non-whites (mainly Muslims) either see this as foolish or a sign that we are vulnerable to savagery. Very good advice, though.

>>5236 > Yes, it is madness. This has been on my mind for years, and to see what came out of the refugee crisis was a living nightmare. You're overreacting. Stop listening to the news and live your life.

>>5237 Well, hundreds of people have been killed, and thousands of women have been raped due to it. In Europe practically every rapist is a Muslim; it is basically true.

I wish I could help you, but I do hope you are well and can do better for yourself. I hope you treat yourself well. If you are the type of person to care for your mom like that then that means you deserve good things.

>>5238 > Well, hundreds of people have been killed, What people ? > and thousands of women have been raped due to it. I guess there were thousands of sexual agressions; number of rapes is much lower. > In Europe practically every rapist is a Muslim; it is basically true. what Anyway, as bad as these are, this doesn't change a bit the life of most of the population. It's all news drama.

>>5236 White Man's Burden in my Lain? Moar likely than you think!

>>5236 >Yes, it is madness. I don't mean the situation is madness. I mean you will mentally break if you keep on like this.

Can't you guys keep the /plol/ crap to relevant threads?

OP here. I guess that there isn't anywhere for me to really go, and moving would likely make me more mentally unstable. I still think that most people downplay the current problems that we face concerning Muslims and refugees, but it is sort of a conundrum because on one hand, I'm one of the few really talking about it and noticing it, which makes me believe it might be all in my head, but on the other hand I can still see how I am correct. Just because most people can't perceive a problem, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. But why am I so fixated on it? There has indeed been an influx of Muslims in my region, and it can't be a coincidence that they really are trying to subvert the Western nations. With all of this free time on my hands, and the alienation, and the increase of threats and aliens, I can't help but to be more attune to these kind of things.

OP here. I'm sorry for the ruckus. It is just that what my people have had to suffer from Muslims has been on my mind for years. Everyone denies the rape issue as well as the fact that they have raped more of our women than we have ever done with theirs, or worse, simply accept it as a fact of life. Well, it isn't. Why should we accept it? They have no remorse or kindness towards those who aren't one of their own, and it is driving me crazy. In any case, I'm thinking that I should become homeless for a bit, but I don't know how to do that. I would like some advice. I feel that it would teach me many things in life.

>>5297 > they have raped more of our women than we have ever done with theirs That's your fault, pussies. Get out there and rape 'em right. Set a monthly quota.

>>5298 dude you have some low standards, some things aren't even worth raping