(untitled)

Does anyone else wear a mask day to day? I see people who write about themselves, their hobbies, their favorite this or that, and I can't imagine myself ever doing the same. I can't imagine putting on a public face. If I try to define my personality, I would claim very few things to be truly mine. I've been getting my life back in order lately and I'm having to put the mask back on. It scares me honestly. It's like I don't know who I am. It all feels so fake. Do I just play along?

>>4728 I always wear a mask when dealing with others. The only place I can share things openly is on anonymous forums, but I keep quiet most of the time. I feel that I need to because whenever I open up with someone too much, I feel that they treat me worse for it, usually when they are in a bad mood and want to hurt me for whatever reason they will use the information I gave them as ammunition. This is true even for the best people I've known, so I learned to be reserved. You should just play along, Lain. Realize that even these people you are mentioning that share a lot about their hobbies and favorites might just be wearing a bigger and more complex mask than yourself. That and the root of the word personality itself is very well related to the meaning of persona, of acting and wearing masks. It's so common that the word is named after it. Even if I had the most mundane of hobbies and things I would like, and those things couldn't hurt when shared, these attributes could very well change with time and I wouldn't like people to assume my behavior and thoughts for a given set of preferences. So even then I believe keeping things to myself would be better. I found out that having time for myself is the best thing to help me know who I am, and that while keeping a good image on others is important, I can rely on myself as the single judge of whether I am doing the right things, whether I am happy and of what I should be doing with my life. You can wear as many masks as you'd like, change them as you want, and you don't really need to know yourself as a list of things, of likes and dislikes, of hobbies. Be safe knowing you can always change, and that surprising yourself with a new self insight is a good and welcome thing whenever it happens. Let your whole life be the answer of the question of who you are.

>>4728 I understand this feeling, sadly I switch personalities when around different people. I'm not necessarily faking myself as a whole. Just the attitude I have with different people. But I've only had a very very small circle that I can truly be myself around. It's very stressful and depressing.

>>4728 You are me OP. I am a masked ninja too.

>>4734 >But I've only had a very very small circle that I can truly be myself around. I wish I had a circle I could be truly myself around. Maybe its time for new friends.

>>4737 Not OP here I've got plenty of hobbies but I don't tell anyone about them because my parents teached me not to brag about myself. For example I play guitar and there is literally no way I will be able to form a band someday because no one (expect a few closest friends) knows I play guitar xD Other thing is that only one of my friends know that I lurk chans. Some of my "friend circles" see me as completely another person as other "friend circles". I am even consider a math genius by some. When in others I am kind of moron xD Some people think I am boring persona when other think it otherwise. Live is complicated lainons :D

>>4732 This answer and this thread in general are pure gold

i dont even know anymore if there is a real me or not. I learned to be polite and friendly and sympathic, but thats not who i am, inside i am a monster who seeks misery and pain and thrives on it. My so called friends whom i clinged to too hard out of desperation have become assets to me whom a must play a role for. They dont know how fuarrrked up i am, i played the strong as usual to not be rejected as a weirdo and now i am floating in darkness. What was an experiment had become an addiction and slowly as the magic fades a way it becomes a burden. I forgot who or what i am, it feels like the entire world is a trap. One day it will all end anyhow.

>>4983 Hey do you want to talk? I feel like I can help you and I'd like to talk in more detail. If you're interested just leave some form of contact (email preferred).

>>4728 No one cared who I was until I put on the mask

>>4728 Every single human being does this to some extent. It's necessary to function in a social environment. Naturally posting on an anonymous imageboard helps peel that mask away, but we all still do it to some extent. Also, none of us are strictly defined by the masks that we wear, but insofar as they are coping strategies that we've developed to interact with others, and all have our own personal touch and characteristics, they are indeed "us", would say.

The way I see it there are basically two steps to being authentic with other people. Figure out what you have in common with the people around you, and figure out how to have conversations based on that. From there you can start to weave your own interests into the conversation, but don't use too much arcane language. Use terms the other person already knows or can infer, and build a narrative to catch their interest. You can't get everyone to care about your thing all the time, but if you do this well enough they'll be interested enough in you as a person they might want to learn more, or at least enjoy listening to you talk about your interests.

>>4728 nobody cared who I was until I put on the mask

Pretty much all people with geek interests hide them from everyone except their close friends. Don't feel bad that you are "hiding", it's just an aspect of daily civility that everyone does their best to act normal. It's a little tangential, but here's a good article about the value of "authenticity": http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/26/opinion/26patterson.html Personally, I just feel lonely and anxious for validation if I don't have anyone I can share my interests with, but the internet does a good job filling that hole

This is an interesting conversation. Something I've been thinking about a lot recently. I don't know if you've read any J Krishnamurti but I would recommend. Interesting writer/speaker. Anyhoo, he talks a lot about the mind, the thinker, and the thoughts. His line of reasoning goes somewhat like this: The mind is a construction, made of thoughts. It's kindof a way to establish some kind of inner permanence or stability. "This is the kind of person I am." But the mind is really just a set of stories you tell yourself about yourself. What if you had not "self," per se, I mean, what if you chose not to construct an image for yourself about yourself? What would happen? When you have an image of who or what you are, there's naturally a conflict which will arise. I shouldn't do this, because that's not what I am about. I should behave this way, because I'm an "xyz person" and that's the way I have determined that "xyz people" comport themselves. So in response to OP: Is it true that the mask you present to yourself is any more genuine to the one you present to other people? Or are they simply all the vain attempt to anchor yourself, because it's uncomfortable to live without "stability" of a self-identity? Whether it's to display a set of values or attributes to yourself, or to others, it's all signalling of some sort. Naturally you cannot escape the trap of self-identity by just wishing to be free of self-identity. You'd just create a new and more sophisticated trap for your mind to occupy. I don't know what the answer is. Maybe just an elevated awareness.

I like to believe that I don’t change my personality for anyone. I probably change it a bit subconsciously but in that case it’s only slight. I DO thought change what I talk about around people. It dosnt make sense for me to talk about deep DOTA2 soykaf around friends that don’t play Dota. I don’t talk philosophy around my friends that aren’t intrested in it. I think this works so well for me because I have a very chill anti-confrontation personality. Driven by apathy and good vibes. That’s my take on all of this. ✌🏻

>>5042 I can definitely relate to this. Every now and then I’ll find myself making decisions not based on what I think I should do, but based on what a stereotypical version of me would do. This probably happens because I find comfort in my stereotypes. Tough decision? Do what stereotypical Chase would do. This isn’t a good think because I’m way more complex than the first 5 adjectives that come to people’s minds when they hear my name.

>>5024 It might sound cliche but it’s counterproductive changing your personality in public. If you constantly act like yourself, you’ll eventually find friends that vibe with the real you. As opposed to friends that are only in it for the fake you.

Most days I kind of feel like Trevor from GTA 5, pretending to be Michael.

>>5047 >If you constantly act like yourself, you’ll eventually find friends that vibe with the real you. I like this, I think you're right. The problem is we also need to interact with people who we don't want to be friends with, like boss/coworker/customer/random person on the street. For these people doesn't it make sense to wear a mask? When they realize you spend your weekend watching weird chinese cartoons they will look down on you and treat you badly. That's my experience.

I'm not wearing mask in the common sense, that is the mask is not there to fool other people. I instead try to act like certain characters, that in turn represent certain aspects of the world. An oversimplified example: >I need to study efficiently these coming two weeks, so let's act like that guy who once told me about how he saved a semester in two weeks with this and that study method. Obviously I'm not just copying whatever quirks I have in mind; unless I'm at least confident that I understand the character's inner workings, I don't copy.

sometimes it feels like I used to wear a mask but I forgot how to somehow and now I'm naked

Its hard... I am lucky enough to know people who accept me for who I am, but even then I feel constantly like I am misunderstood or something. I am getting better at it, but there are so many people around me and sometimes I just don't know what to really do with them. I do better in more personal settings, but I know so many different groups of people, and I feel like I am just in the center of it all like the eye of a storm... Sometimes. But I am learning to be strong. Relationships have scarred me, life trajectory is off the charts, but I think I will be okay.. We need to just remember to be here, aware, love ourselves and trust that it will all work out. It can be hard but hope is something that never truly dies until it truly dies.. or something like that. Don't be afraid to be you or be weird, good people do exist, the thing I guess is to find a way to find a place, a niche, a way to flow with it all in the right way.. Above all else, believe in oneself.. Idk. Love you lains. Thats all I have to say right now I guess.

>>5047 This is true to a point, but some, like most of us, are different enough from most people that we end up isolated and ostracized for being "too weird." Personally I've only met perhaps 3-4 people in my entire life who I could ultimately consider a friend, and that's remarkably lucky.

A complex mask with several false identities - entirely made-up persons each with their rich lives and varied histories to the point that these 'imaginary masks' have lived more than I ever truly will.

Literally everyone does this. Look up honne/tatamae. I'll never understand why it's only the Japanese that have put a name to this phenomenon, when it really is universal.