Relationship Advice

I've noticed that a lot of lains post on this board about relationships in some way -- either not having them, or having problems about them, or other selections from the wide range of malaises that arise from engaging with another person romantically. So, let's make a thread that has all of it in one place. Post your best relationship advice, relate stories from your own life, or seek it out here. All us friendly lainons would love to help you out!

My SO is NEET, and it bothers me. When we started dating, I was under the impression that they had a job all lined up, but that was not the case. It's been 2 years. They are still living with mommy. But I love them and want to be with them. What do? Whenever I bring it up, I am assured that they will be starting work soon, but this never seems to happen.

>>5449 this may sound mean, but you need to threaten to leave them if they don't get a job. Give them a 1-month deadline, that should be more than enough.

>>5463 If I had some whiny glitterboy start bending my arm into getting a job, I'd take the latter option and bail the fuarrrk outta there.

>>5449 Stop judging peoples value by their ability to make a profit for their boss. If someone doesn't have to work why should they, the world isn't gonna end cos one lazy NEET won't get off his ass

So I live with the girl I'm into but she's in a relationship with some guy who's moved in. Like they're absolutely into each other and I have no chance but I've never made it with any girl and I've never been into anybody like her. Should I tell her? It's destroying me

>>5465 which is the other positive side effect: if they just fundamentally would rather not get a job than be with you, they leave on their own! >>5469 >If someone doesn't have to work why should they Money = independence = more ways to fuarrrk. It's sad but true.

>>5472 sorry to say lainon, but it can never be. Even if she werent with someone else, roommate -> SO is a bad idea. That being said, you should definitely tell her.

>>5494 Based on the first part of your answer, which good could come out of him telling her?

>>5499 >>5463 This guy is right. You need to lay your cards on the table and let that person know that you care about them and have been patient with them, but you can't be with someone who has no intention of working. Give a deadline and stick with it, as anon said. You have a right to be with someone who has qualities you desire, don't feel bad that you are gonna act on that right.

>>5472 Why? If you're intention is to make things awkward as fuarrrk around your domicile, then by all means. But dude she's taken, look for someone else. Ask if she has any friends she can hook you up with.

About a month ago I finally got the courage to confess to a girl that has been my crush for a year that i like her, she agreed to hang out with me sometimes but the problem is she is not clearly interested in me and make some excuses all the time to avoid me. Also this is my first time of being with a girl and don't have any clue about what shouldn I do or how to behave around her. The times we spwnt time together I was mostly quiet and boring. The thing is I know this would not work and was a failed cause from the first but i like her too much to the point i feel physical pain around her and even more depressed when she ignores me. I survived months of drug abuse and am very low dopamine, the only thing that makes me happy is being with her. Idk what to do

>>5498 >>5494 I know it can never be dude it's tearing me up. But yea what good will come of it?

>>5508 it's always good to have that kind of thing out in the open. You don't need to be dramatic about it, she probably already has some inkling.

>>5505 She's clearly a nig who's out to waste your valuable time. Get your rocks off somewhere else m8

I've never had a single romantic experience in my life. The closest I've been to one is when my then-crush was dared to kiss me during a large game of truth or dare at summer camp back in high school (spoiler: she wiped her lips off afterwards and washed her mouth out. go figure). I don't think I'm that socially maladjusted either - I have a decent amount of friends, normal hobbies, keep my anime habits on the down low. I guess the way things turned out it just never happened to me. Thinking back I don't have any positive memories of interacting with girls. A lot of them, especially early ones, carry a feeling of rejection, failure, or shame. I think I've felt like this on some level for my entire life. As a result of whatever it is I honestly have no clue how to one day have a relationship. I can't imagine it - it breaks my suspension of disbelief. It's just too unlikely, like winning the lottery twice. A lot of my friends tell me their girlfriends had crushes on them for a while; this seems unimaginable to me. I don't know how I would ever go about asking a girl out or what I would do on a hypothetical date. Most of the conversations I've had with girls in my life have been extremely businesslike and blunt, too. Stuff like "did you get the front yet?" and "which slide should I do." I get frequent intrusive thoughts when speaking to or looking at a girl, too, immediate impressions of "she hates you" or "she's glad that was over quickly" or "she thinks you're disgusting." I don't know why. I want to date and marry a nice girl one day, I think. I'm pretty sure, at least. It's just that to me there doesn't seem to be a set of steps leading from here to there. I kind of figure I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

>>5523 I had some romantic experiences however I feel sismilar as you. For most of my life I didn't had a girlfrind, but I always had decent amount of friends and was quite likeable. I am not sure how exactly it looks when I was young because I don't have almost any memories of the past, only some single images but I am pretty sure that at least couple of times I was rejected or laughed at. For some time now I am trying to change that because I can't really stand being always alone anymore. I feel that I need someone I could trust, someone I would feel naturally and freely around. However because of all those years of not gaining experience on this field it's extremely hard, sometimes it's like walking in the darkness. I often had those thought like you "she's glad it's over" or "she doesn't like you" but you should fight them or ignore them. I managed to get rid of them, at least to some point, and it's much easier to maintain some contacts. The only serious thing I could reccomend you right now is keep practice with talking and being around other so it won't feel so awkward anymore. My problem is that even I am able to meet with a girl and even take it to another level, Im not really sure what to do later. I always thought that it would be natural but apparently it's not so I'm never sure if I act too clingy or like I don't care. Also I am always afraid that teh girl will cheat on me at some point, use me for some cruel joke or simply leave after I will put much effort in it.

>>5523 I'm in a very similar situation (main difference being that I have had, and continue to have positive interactions with girls). I'm fairly introverted, but not autistic and I get along with people well, but never had a romantic experience. I know of several things that I can to improve on, and know how to improve them: things like fitness, dress, confidence, having a job. I'll sort these things out on my own. The question I'd like somelain to answer for me is the following: what is the specific thing that happens between two people that causes them to go from "two people that know each other" to "boyfriend and girlfriend"? I literally do not understand how this aspect of modern dating/romantic relationships works.

>>5523 Yea same dude

>>5526 Perhaps I'm not very qualified to answer your question because I have similar doubts however I think that the mistake we made is seeing this whole friends/relationship change in 0-1 criteria. It's not a single point in time when it happens but is more like a process. I tend to define and systematize all things around me, also the people and categories I put them into (not in the worthy/unworthy style, it just helps me interact with them) and I also want to categorize relationship status but it looks like normal people don't work this way, they simply let things to be slightly unclear, wait and watch what is happening. I have a problem with being like this but I already observed many times that when I try to establish the status everything usually fall apart. Maybe it should come out naturally, I don't know anymore however I do know that "natural things" in social interactions never work in my case so all I can do is observe the others and try to mimic their behavior. I hope that after enough time and enough failures and conclusions from them I will finally succeed. Be sure that when I do, I will be back here immidieatly to share knowledge

>>5524 my problem is the opposite, once I actually know a person and get little bit intimate, relationships are easy for me. Just comes naturally. The hard part is meeting someone and working myself up to the point where I think I'm "worthy" to start something.

>>5508 Don't even bother telling her. Just leave if you can.

>>5529 I don't understand at all. I guess it's natural for some people, maybe even most of them. To me though hearing about this is like reading about astronauts. I know they exist and I know that there is some possible path from where I am now to being an astronaut, but nobody can give me the advice I would need to proceed to that point and nobody knows where or how to become one. All I have are pictures of astronauts to look at. In the same way I see couples out on dates in the park but just can't see a path to where they are, even if I'm right next to them. You say relationships grow naturally out of social interaction. This might be true, but the social interaction I have with women is cold, short, and blunt - and I have no idea how to change that.

I'm never going to be in a relationship because I don't do anything social, I'm gay, very rarely attracted to anyone, have no friends, and have some sort of social retardation

I mostly lurk but fuarrrk it. I need someone with life experience to give me their opinion. So a bit of background, I'm in my 20s and been diagnosed with aspergers. I've never had a romantic relationship although 5 years ago I had sex a few times with one girl. Then I developed a depression which lead to total isolation (I am now doing better and work at home but still completely cut off from society). However recently I had a very lucky encounter ; something out of some manga or anime honestly. Circumstances led a girl to talk to me and to take my number. We met a few times, had what I would consider dates (restaurants, museums and bar evenings) and on the first night in a bar we both got a bit drunk and got slightly physical. No kissing or making out, more touchy feely than anything I guess. I brought her back to my place (she said she wanted to check out some of my work, I sculpt for a living and have a number of sculptures in my apartment) and I thought she'd stay over. But she didn't, and I didn't really manage to make a move either. We've met twice since, and nothing much happened we just talk and hangout. Sometimes she feels very cold to me but sometimes seems like she cares. Now the thing I feel like women are actual aliens. I have absolutely no clue what she's after, if she wants some tour guide (I live in a touristic city and she's staying for a few months) and someone who speaks her language or if she's interested in me for more. I can't read body language or take any social cues in. I feel like I will never be able to. I wonder if I should let things run their courses and continue seeing her hoping she does something, or just be blunt about it and make a move or simply state it out loud to her. I Just have no idea how people really get a feel when something is going on with someone. And I'm kinda afraid by trying to rush things or make a move I'll kinda ruin it. I should enjoy the fact a women has finnaly acknowledged my existence for the first time in years, but I'm being preocupied and anxious more than anything.

>>5537 maybe youre gay I dont mean that as an insult

>>5540 >for a few months there is no point trying to develop anything to be honest, from the sounds of it. Even if something did happen, she'd leave and then you'd be worse off

>>5542 you could be right, but I'll also be honest ; I haven't gotten laid in five fuarrrking years and I really, really would like some intimacy with someone. I miss what a women feels like. I know I could ignore this girl and try my hand at d ating apps but I find it much less natural and even harder to figure out what's going on with them.

>>5541 I'm not gay, I know that. Maybe I have legit autism or something.

I don't even know man >alone entire life >ugly as sin >manlet >shut in >KHHV >can't think about physical contact (hand holding, hugs, cuddling, kissing) without feeling terrible and lonely >disturbed and terrified by the thought of sex >a girl expressed passing interest in me a long time ago; felt a deep dread in the pit of my stomach and never talked to her again >still want to date a girl even though it would be a disaster >tfw no gf

>>5548 you need to learn to love yourself lainon.

>>5550 how? I've been like this since I was little. I remember a lot of times when I would just not even try socializing since I just assumed nobody wanted to talk to me anyway. I don't know how to change myself and I have a hard time even believing that I can change.

You know, personally I think all those "art of seduction" books are complete bullsoykaf. But I also believe they are incredibly useful for pointing out the cues and steps that the socially awkward miss or skip. At least they give you a framework to work within, and honestly, all women are waiting for is for you to meet them halfway by going through the motions of courtship, they're horny too, but society has programmed them to take a passive role, just sort of try and look good, wiggle the bait and hope they catch a nice fish and not a fuarrrking lamprey or a globfish.

I have a hard time getting into relationships probably in large part because my schizotypality. I'll explain with some of the symptoms: >Inappropriate or constricted affect (the individual appears cold and aloof) = I feel the opposite, I feel like the slightest thought or motion I have is instantly broadcast to my surroundings as loud as possible (related I guess to another symptom called 'magical thinking' or yet another 'suspiciousness or paranoid ideas') so I make a constant conscious effort to hide my thoughts and feelings and as a result I probably seem hard to get a read on or borderline unresponsive to everything around me. >Poor rapport with others and a tendency to withdraw socially = I'm totally passive in part I guess because of 'Obsessive ruminations without inner resistance' which means that I'm constantly having conversations inside my head and putting a conscious effort into trying to keep my thoughts at bay and to a large part I end up ignoring actual real people around me. I actually prefer to socialize in larger groups because then I feel like I can just drop into my own head and have the others keep company amongst themselves. I've had one relationship and it started with a girl in a bar sitting next to me and touching me for like a long time before I acknowledged her at all, occasionally she'd ask me if it's okay and I probably responded with something unemotional like "Erm... I guess..." while inside of me there was a huge storm of thoughts and feelings going in every direction. The relationship didn't last too long for various reasons but I thought it was a very enjoyable time of my life, would be nice to find myself in a relationship again some day, but it's not something I feel I can make happen. Insallah I just say...

>>5550 Some of us just don't. I reject the notion anyway. A baby doesn't know love, it's a baby. Hopefully, ideally, the parents love it unconditionally and it learns how to love others from first being loved. If you don't love yourself, it means something was missing in your childhood. It isn't a skill you can learn. If a kitten is exposed to humans in the first few weeks of life, it can become a housecat. If not, then after that couple of weeks it is feral and cannot live with people ever. I believe something similar, certainly more complex in nature, is true of humans. This isn't something I just came up with, if I can find the articles about it I'll post a link. It was a while ago.

>>5554 >I don't know how to change myself and I have a hard time even believing that I can change. well, step one is putting an unshakeable belief in yourself that *you will change*. Step two: figure out what you really want to do, and then do it. Don't let little imaginary obstacles you put in the way for yourself stop you. >>5566 >It isn't a skill you can learn. I disagree.

>>5570 You can only disagree because you aren't coming from any sort of background where you can understand. "Love yourself" is a fine affirmation for people who already do but either forget sometimes or aren't always good at practising it. For people who simply don't in the first place, it is a meaningless proverb. It's about as effective as trying to stop a nuclear war with bumper stickers and retweets.

>>5465 >>5463 We've been dating for a while. I'd like to have a future together. We both want marriage and kids in the future. Won't happen if he's forever NEET, and I'm not getting any younger.

>>5566 I mean, I'm pretty sure I had a normal childhood. My parents were loving and supportive. We were sort of poor, and we moved every couple years, but that doesn't seem overly traumatic. >>5570 I'm sure you mean well but your advice is on the same level as "just be yourself." There are probably others who benefit from such phrases but I don't think it's as simple as just doing the things I want to do.

>>5573 and you're so sure you can't for what reason? Because you don't. Your argument defeats itself. >>5580 >but I don't think it's as simple as just doing the things I want to do. think about it this way: happy people seem more approachable and attractive. Not saying it's easy or simple. But it does work.

>>5540 Do not listen to this jackass. >>5542 If you're an autist you'll have no trouble telling her how you feel because you can't grasp social cues. Tell her that you enjoy her company, if you felt that spark with her before she felt it as well. If you don't know, ask her. Every woman wants a cool artiste bf, if you're actually making a living sculpting that's pretty fuarrrking cool and I'd be worried that you'd steal my girl. I'm kind of in a similar situation to be honest, there's a girl I see just about every week and she's always warm towards me, sometimes I feel like she's pausing to kiss me but I just can't tell, usually I can read women but she's like an alien, the nice kind. We've been on something like 8 dates, and she hasn't even invited me up yet, which is strange to me to be honest. At the same time it's nice to build a relationship that isn't based entirely on sex or something like that.

>>5588 Thank you. This is encouraging to read. I have no issues telling people yes. It's what I prefer really. In the past I've just plainly asked a girl if I could kiss her in the middle of a date because I had absolutely no idea if she was interested or not and what was going on (she said yes but definitely told me she wasn't used to people asking that afterwards). I think maybe due to isolation or lack of confidence or again because I don't get that many opportunities I was afraid of ruining it by telling how I felt instead of following some kind of natural order with invisible rules that I can't grasp. I hope things will go well with your situation. I personally prefer things to go slow but at the same time I have this fear that the women will lose interest eventually. And whilst Im here ; does any lainon have advice on how to meet new people for relationships? I've got huge difficulties with dating apps as I feel they are full of competitivity and people seeking casual sex rather than relationships to commit to. But at the same time I have no social circles, no colleagues, no family, no friends of a friend. I literally have no idea how to meet a new person in meatspace other than be incredibly lucky and say get stuck in an elevator with someone for 5 hours.

>>5601 same problem here. Near as I can tell, you do it by just... talking to random strangers. It's a skill I used to have that I lost somewhere along the way. Recently I made a huge personal achievement and introduced myself to a person in one of my classes. She's a sperg too so it was *extremely* awkward but worked out in the end, hoping to make a new friend.

>>5472 So we went to an open mic just now. Make no mistake. I still have 0 chance but due I'm drunk and high and we ended up hugging a bit but mostly just chatting. Like She's the fuarrrking best man when I'm alone with her I'm happier than ever

>>5581 > Your argument defeats itself. It really doesn't. Your own lack of a real argument is glaring though. You have said nothing actually helpful on any kind of practical level, you only demonstrate a complete lack of understanding as to the basic problem here. If it's as easy as you seem to think, explain how.

>>5578 Has he ever held down a job?

>>5601 ++ Also requesting info looking for relationships in the first place Polite sage

>>5614 >It really doesn't. do I have to break it down into plain logic? Your claim: "you think P because you experience P, therefore ~P" my claim: "you think ~P because you don't experience P" Note, I'm not saying anything about the truth of P. I'm saying that your argument is fallacious. The truth of P comes from the reasons outlined in >>5581 . >If it's as easy as you seem to think, explain how. I don't think it's easy. I have never said so. But it's necessary.

slight correction: if P is "love of oneself can be learned" I suppose its truth hasn't been proven. But it definitely also hasn't been disproven either.

>>5629 Just because something is "neccessary" doesn't mean it's possible. You are still talking out of your ass.

>>5526 When two people find each other physically attractive, it progresses to a flirty friendship, which then progresses to a relationship if their personalities mesh. The friendship between two people who are attracted to each other is different from the friendship between two people who aren't. The flirty friendship phase is a bit of a testing ground, where boundaries are gently pushed to gauge the interest of the other party. For example, physical proximity - how the other party reacts if you 'accidentally' brush against them. This isn't something that people consciously think about, however. "Naturally" is the only way to really describe it.

>>5633 it is possible because I did it. unless, of course, you know more about my life than I do... in which case, your magical powers are pretty impressive. >You are still talking out of your ass. scathing!

>>5639 No one said it was impossible for *you*. The sum and substance of the argument was simply that not everything possible for one person is possible for every person. Backtrack through the discussion and see for yourself. I guess I can retire from this one if that's all you have.

>>5640 >The sum and substance of the argument was simply that not everything possible for one person is possible for every person. and that says nothing about whether it actually is possible for any particular person. So, basically: there is no logical reason to believe one way or another. It's a choice. If you choose to believe that it's impossible, fine, but don't extend that to decide that the converse is false.

>>5649 Is this the way you talk at parties too? On dates? This is new age "all ya gotta do us believe maaan" dressed up as some kind of mathematical logic. Amazing.

>>5661 and do you switch to insults when you've been defeated in real life too?

>>5664 You failed to even grasp what the premise of the discussion was, that was demonstrated clearly. That's no one's defeat but your own (if we're going to be declaring winners or losers at all). Go ahead, you can have the last word now if you want.

>>5666 ;)

I'm just tired of everyone being obsessed with sex, really. There are plenty of girls in my area but I don't want anything to do with them since they all go out and party, hook up, and drink every weekend. I guess I'm just a lot more conservative towards relationships than other people. I want to spend my life with one other person and work hard to make them happy. I don't want temporary pleasure.

>>5695 I like your train of thought Lainon. To be honest, I've long given up on American women, I'm just waiting for the right moment to leave this god damn country, move to Switzerland and work as a remote dev. It's been 2 years since my last relationship and these days I don't even bother meeting a woman. I simply don't give a flying fuarrrk about relationship rather I'm saving money from past one and half year to move on with my life.

Lived a total bs life until last year or so, started to calculate optimal course onwards. It's working out so far but even w/ byproducts of working on/loving myself - women paying close attention to me - I'm still way to far from a shot at meeting one at. Even if I did I doubt she'd fit into my schedule, yet I want an ally of a woman - who will not agree to that.

My best advice is to not worry about it. What is a "relationship", a friendship with sex? Some would say yes some would say no. A relationship is also marriage, its also just a partner. My idea and your idea of a relationship are hardly similar probably, and you are going to waste an incredible amount of energy trying to obtain this abstract thing, something your brain doesn't even fully understand except vaguely (especially if you havent been in "a relationship") when you could go about your life and eventually it would happen naturally. At the very least that would be your best chance. What do you think trying to get someone to like you, or be in a relationship accomplishes exactly? Think to your own experiences, you don't like somebody because they do anything besides be them, you don't like them because they try. The only trying involved is in opening up and showing yourself, and this shouldnt take effort. Because again if you do this whilst trying to be in a relationship, well if they don't like some part of you your going to freak out. Its only natural, your brain hates failure, its like death to the brain. So my advice for those wanting to be in a relationship, or trying to be, is to stop wanting it. Any pain, anxiety, whatever you feel from not having a SO, isn't from not having an SO it's from wanting one. If you do have the oppurtunity, with this want in mind you will not be happy even once you have it. Your confusing the symptom with the disease if you think any mental discomfort you have comes from not having a gf/bf/whatever. My second piece of advice is to in general be open to people, and also not be upset if they don't like you. the thing is, if you follow this advice in order to get a relationship, understand you've already failed. I am positive, without a doubt, that what I am saying if you can internalize it will be beneficial to any relationship you have. But if I had to give a reason you should listen to what i'm saying, or the reason to follow what i'm saying, it's because you will be happier and able to see things more clearly with this relationship business out of your brain. When it does happen you will be able to enjoy it better because it is just something good that has happened to you, rather than something you were expecting. There is many things to be sad or distressed about and this is not one of them. Don't be a dummy. When you are stressed over say having work to do, or not having food, it motivates you to do work and find food. When you are sad because you are lonely, it can make us seek company. When you are stressed or sad over not having this conceptual thing, nothing happens besides you feel stressed and sad. And I am 100% saying you are to some degree in control of the things you feel, if not you who else. Even your perceived (conscious) reality comes from in your head, so if you want to say the universe hates you and thats why you are lonely then it's very easy to see you probably need to change the universe you have in your mind in order to not be lonely. easy fix, yay! thats a wrap.

>>5695 >There are plenty of girls in my area I have seen that ad too

>>5695 you've got it all wrong lainon. sure, the kind of person you're talking about isn't worth it. They're FLASHY and GET DRUNK and PARTY just because they're desperate for attention. Their life revolves around it. That path only leads to mediocrity. But, you're wrong that that's the only kind of girl there is. You just notice them because they're so flashy. I guarantee you, unless you're in some microscopic town, there's at least one single girl out there you're compatible with. You just haven't met them. Putting yourself in situations where you're most likely to meet people you're compatible with is the hard part. There's not really a formula for it I don't think.

>>5712 I guess that's part of it isn't it? I live in the middle of nowhere, figuratively speaking. Girls here are either partying in sororities or literally never in public.

>>5472 >>5610 Don't tell her. At least not until she's available. It's your choice on whether or not to wait until she's available, but that's probably not the best option. >Like She's the fuarrrking best man when I'm alone with her I'm happier than ever I know those feelings feel exclusive to your time with her, but they're not. There are a lot of other people who can, and will, make you feel the same way if you let it happen. >>5505 Stop contacting and move on. If she's not interested, don't be creepy and push the subject of hanging out with her. You'll only feel bad. Like with the other guy, the chemical reactions in your brain that make you feel so happy when you're with her aren't unique to her, as much as it may feel that way. You'll find someone else with time. >The question I'd like somelain to answer for me is the following: what is the specific thing that happens between two people that causes them to go from "two people that know each other" to "boyfriend and girlfriend"? I literally do not understand how this aspect of modern dating/romantic relationships works. It varies from relationship to relationship, but for me it's always been like this: friend -> start talking almost every day -> sexual relations -> "so, are we bf and gf or what?" -> either date or be fuarrrkbuddies. Though I know several people who follow the classic "Do you want to go on a date with me?" -> "Another date?" -> ... -> "Another date?" -> "So, are we official?" approach. I think the more generalized answer would be a mutual desire for an emotionally intimate relationship with the other, and one person being brave enough to bring it up or act on it.

>>5718 yeah you're geographically boned.

>>5601 A small follow up on what I initially asked advice for. I went with just telling her in plain words and it didn't work out. She kinda ignored me after that. This either means it wouldn't have worked out anyway, or that telling herinstead of trying to make things advance naturally ruined it. I don't really know which it is or care that much. At least it was nice to spend some time with someone for a little bit but it's slightly depressing too. >>5605 It seems a few others in this thread have this issue. I think being able to chat up someone helps for sure, and congratulations on introducing yourself to a stranger. For me it's even more complicated because I don't have a class or any real environement in which I can meet people. I do everything in my home, work, fun, eat and sleep. I have no friends in meatspace and a disbanded family, so basically absolutely zero social circles. I'm off the grid, on zero social networks. It's funny how I'm in the middle of a big city and yet feel totally cut off from people. I feel like a ghost. I've considered doing things like going to bars on my own for a drink and trying to talk to people, and have done it a few times but never managed to get anywhere. My next personal goal is to try to find a place where I can do something I enjoy instead of forcing myself (like when I tried going to a bar) ; so maybe a sculpting atelier, and try to meet people there. But even then I'm so unsure about how to actually approach anyone. If anyone here have advice on how to simply meet new individuals or approach strangers ; basically how to develop a relationship from scratch, it would be great.

I was meeting with a girl for couple of last months, it wasn't really serious, she was keep telling me that she's not sure if she wants to get into relationship, that she needs to thing this through and this kind of stuff. When I told her that I'm more into serious relationship she said that she still needs some time and if I could wait a little bit more. I said it's OK, not like I had tons of girls waiting in line to go for a date. I haven't met her for a while because she said that she has a lot of work and no time (which I guess was an excuse because more or less I know how much work she has). It lasted for about 2-3 weeks so I just let it go and stopped asking her out but oficially we didn't end it or anything. Today I found out that she asked my friend if he will go with her to the wedding as +1. And I knew earlier that she will be going to this wedding because she told me that about a month ago. I'm not even mad, maybe a liitle bit but I feel that she made a fool of me. My question is why the hell people act this way? I tried to be straight about what I expect, told that if she's not into it it's OK but I want to know that so everything would be clear between us. All I always heard was "sure, ok, I just need to think about it, let's keep hanging out" and now I am founding out that she prefers to go to the party with another guy, not telling me even a word about all this situtation. Today we met with a group of friends on a coffee and she's acting like everything is just like for the past time.

I can't form a proper relationship. Because of my SAD and proneness to panic attacks, I cannot form a truly enjoyable relationship, and I never have. My parents hate me for this, because they want me to be more sociable like they are, and probably want grandchildren from me too, but have yet to say it directly (I'm still fairly young so I guess they're not too worried yet) I want a gf and all, but realistically, I know I can't get one. Not only is my social ability too poor for anyone to enjoy time with me, barring online when I have a completely different persona, and I know that I could never convince a woman to even be my acquaintance, and I've completely lost my attraction to 3D women. As of late this feeling's been a lot worse, and I've been self medicating via using my /d/egenerate hentai Discords for increasingly long amounts, and I've noticed I spend more of my time there than on anything else, and it's definitely frying my brain, but I don't know what to do about it, since it sort of makes me happier than anything else in life since the people are nice and like me, and I like them. I'm not really sure what I'm asking from other people ITT, maybe I'm just venting and getting this off my chest. Ultimately I guess I know I don't want to pursue relationships, but I also dislike the loneliness and isolationist lifestyle avoiding them creates, but there is nothing I can do to change this fact.

>>5761 >>5761 This is a relationship advice thread, so even though there is a lot I want to say I'll try to keep it on topic. A while back I was in a similar situation, heavy depression but somehow got a girl interested in me. It was bad, when we were supposed to meet up I'd sometimes stay in bed and cry for hours. Our sex life was a mess because I couldn't get it up. Eventually I felt so completely pathetic I broke up with her saying something along the lines of "My life is too soykaf to be shared with anyone at the moment". I was convinced that what I did was just bring up the innevitable sooner than later. I was deeply certain she was about to break up with me herself because of everything. With retrospection and based on her reaction I think I can now tell that it isn't in your place to decide that. What I mean is that if you believe no one will want a relationship with you because of your issues, then you are thoroughly wrong. Don't decide for them. Assuming you are an adult dating adults, it's their place to decide who they want to be with no matter how broken you feel you are. However if you think you yourself do not want a relationship because of your issues, it's another story. And to this I can only say try to fix yourself first before considering others. It's what worked for me. Good luck with things lainon.

>>5721 It really does see. Nobody else has ever made me feel like this. Ever. And they may not considering that it took several months of living under the same roof and class A drugs to eventually feel this way after that other bastard had taken her. I've never met anybody like her in my life.

>>5739 consistently seeing each other is key. This is why some people build their social lives around work. It's a place where they can reliably see the same people every day. start going to some community thing, or something. Maybe a hackerspace or LUG if those exist around you. Everyone is using those spaces as a way to meet and connect with likeminded people. >>5763 this is really good advice.

there's this girl in my apartment complex i see occasionally, we've talked once or twice. i passed her today and we both made eye contact and smiled. i know that's pretty insignificant but fuaaah it made me feel flustered as heck. i'm reluctant to make a move based on something so tiny but then again, what's the worst that could happen if I did ask her? perhaps i can gather some courage before the next time i see her.

>tfw literally 2/10 >tfw a girl has literally never talked to me out of her own free will >tfw getting /fit/ and cleaning up didn't help >tfw closer to wizardhood every day >tfw no gf

>>6079 You're probably not going to get a girlfriend any time soon, so stop worrying about it. Stop going to websites for insider trading about how bad your life is because noone has fuarrrked you yet and fnd something else to do.

Here is a bit of an unusual question. How to make someone not like you? I'm currently in uni and there is this girl that seems to be interested in me. I was convinced that her looking at me was just a coincidence, but then creepy soykaf started to begin. One time I was waiting for a bus, casually looking at the side when she somehow teleported in front of me, so when I turned my head forward there was she 1 m in front of me smiling, that gave me quite a jump scare. Luckily for me the bus came right after, so I managed to slip away quickly. Next day (or the day after that, I don't remember) she was again creepily staring at me while leaning on the wall. I try to ignore things like this, but she still persists and walks by me as close as possible when the circumstances allow to do so. What to do in situations like this? I don't want a yandere gf. For the last week this had quite an effect on my psychology, I feel like soykaf, tired, creped out as I have a feeling that someone is constantly watching me during lectures, I can't focus properly and feel really uncomfortable coming to uni.

>>6082 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIpfWORQWhU

>>6082 Have you tried talking to her?

>>6084 No, I would like to say to her to leave me alone, but I don't know if this would be the best course of action. We've never talked before, it would be wired to just go to her and say "Hey your recent actions really creped me out, could you please stop this, I'm not interested in having a relationship.". Last thing I want is to get accused of harassment, you never know how people will react. What would also probably happen is that I would attract too much attention to myself. I'll probably just have to grind through one semester as it's unlikely that she will pursue same study programme. Are there any particular things a man can do to turn off women (this makes me sound gay, but I value my academic carer over any romantic relationship, that's why I don't want to be involved with her)? I could go without a shower for a week, but this would also affect other people around me, which would be bad. Perhaps I'll just have to get used to things like this and ignore them.

>>6085 Just ask her what she want (when she trigger you) and see if it was what your thinking, if it was, be gentle and tell her what your feeling "Sorry but ..."

I've always been terrible at romance. Laughably incompetent. For starters no girl has ever been interested in me, not even a little. I don't know if that's normal or not but growing up every other guy I knew had 2 or 3 who were into them at one point or another. I've asked a few out and been rejected every time, from subtle "I think I have something going on then" to "ew, no." One girl literally described me as the ugliest guy she had ever seen. So naturally, I'm a KHHV. The virgin part doesn't sting as much since I think it's morally wrong to have premarital sex, but it hurts to know that I'm a bottom of the barrel loser when even fat kids and autists at my uni have girlfriends. I'm honestly tired of even wanting a relationship but it's so firmly hardwired into my biology that I don't think I could ever truly stop it.

>>4455 I'm so socially akward, anxious, depressed, paranoid whatever else can be used to describe how I am outside of the internet that the idea of even having a friend seems like a fuarrrking farfetched fantasy. I envy the people here who can get Laid. Perfectly normal socially adjusted fuarrrking retards how the fuarrrk did you even get here...

>>6085 Find information about her, like becoming contrarian to her political views. Do it in a way that she cant prove you have said views, like in person or on her phone.

>>6085 > it would be wired The typos around here always make me :3 >>6087 This is the best advice. She might go away if you ignore her but it's more likely if you brought it out in the open. It might even embarass her a little, which would be good here. I mean, Jesus you said she's never even spoken to you. It's easier to fantasize about someone you know nothing about. She might lose interest more quickly when she realizes you are actually a person and not her personal daydream.

>>6121 unless you're truly horrifically ugly, it's very doubtful that nobody has ever been romantically interested in you.

>>6176 Really? Is that normal? I don't know man. I think I'm probably a bit below average but I'm not deformed or anything. Probably for most people that's true but I've seen no proof that it's true for me.

>>6177 there's no proof because you assume it can't be true, and so you never let yourself notice. After high school I realized that there were a couple girls there who were really into me. I was just too aloof to realize it. One even asked me out, and I didn't even interpret it that way at the time. It's really easy to convince yourself you're unwanted even if it's not the case.

>>6184 I think you're projecting your experience onto me, man. Nobody ever asked me out. Nobody even talked to me. Maybe it's easy to think that everyone has someone who's interested in them if you've personally experienced that, but that's not the case for everyone.

>>6186 Nobodies ever asked me out and ive had sex. Im not him your responding to, your probably right there is projection. Im apparently okay in terms of attractiveness, but I like girls most people think or at least society thinks are ugly. So the same probably the other way too, there will be girls that if you can learn to be comfortable with yourself will be into you. One thing is you said earlier "bottom of barrel neets" and you need to sort of get this idea out of your head that there is tiers of social normity and the higher up you are the more valuable you are. It will do wonders for your confidence if you accept that not everyone in life gets to fuarrrk mad bitches, some people all they do is fuarrrk and never have a job, some people die alone some die married in horrible relationships, etc. Everyones different. Basically accept that this projected idea of a normal life or what you should have done at this point of your life is made up, and no successful person ever got there worrying if they were doing things like a normal person should be or kicking themselves for not . There is so many people who do this, thats what you have to understand that thats how you get the upper hand. So many people try to get married and have a family before they are 30 because they unquestioningly accept thats what normal people do. Half the time they end up cheating or some soykaf because they realize it wasnt actually what THEY wanted. Its how people have mid life crisis. Dont fuarrrking worry about it and you already are ahead and have to stress that much less. The first girl I fuarrrked had been with tons of partners, was suicidal and I didnt use a condom. Because I just felt insecure about still being a virgin and she was pretty, like someone I was proud to be like oh this was my first time. Thats so fuarrrking stupid, I didnt but I could have easily gotten an STD, she was the type who just didnt care about life that much. I was on xanax and drunk and had smoked weed. That was my first time just because I was still being an insecure soykaf about the fact I was a virgin. So dont do that, dont care. I understand thats not everything, part of it is you yourself probably want to have a gf (whatever that is, its kind of again some societal abstraction imo, every relationship is different) but leave it at that. Dont add on additional soykaf by feeling like you arent matching up with other people or normal people or whatever. Fact is you are on this site, none of us are that normal, so why try to live some stereotypical normal life with experiences you check off when it wasnt made for us. Its not calling it quits its doing things your own way. Because you wont be able to do that soykaf, youl go crazy end up further isolating yourself. Beat your meat, buy a fleshlight, pay a hooker, make some friends whatever you need to do to get sex and relationships off the mind. The battle here is for you to be self confident, and not care if the world thinks your ugly, and to live how you really want. And once this is all done you probably will be able to pull girls, and if that motivates you to do this soykaf then sure, but the rewards inherent to the journey amigo.

>>6186 What Lain said there sounds very familiar to me as well. Looking back even as far as junior high, maybe even younger, there were occasionally girls that liked me but I was oblivious to it and they were too awkward to express it directly but as I remember the way they acted towards me, I see it for what it was now. One started a rivalry with me over math tests. I played along and it was fun to do so but I wouldn't admit it to anyone. This was her awkward nerd way of flirting, I just didn't know at the time.

>>6186 sure there's projection. But I know people much uglier than me who are in quite happy relationships. Maybe nobody's ever asked you out or any of that stuff, so you have no evidence. But seriously, think about how many people you've interacted with in your life. Even on public transit. Think how unlikely it is that not a single one of them found you interesting or charming or funny or attractive in the least.

I recently turned 37. Today online I saw a picture of the love of my life with a baby. I rolled off my chair and onto the floor. For a while Ive been hoping to see the girl I like come back to work. She came back today after going abroad for a few weeks. She's hanging with some guy I havnt seen before. We chat for a bit and then they ride off together. Ill ask her if he's her boyfriend when I get the chance. Right now tho my heart is broken, and its probably been like this for a long time. I havnt had a gf in years (cokehead alcohlic) and tho Ive had many, none would make me feel that way if I saw them with a child. I feel like the Lord has been grinding me down for the last 10 years, making me strong but also making me go through a lot of pain. If I had someone, maybe she could make it go away. I feel like the last gf cursed me, the bf before me died and one time I slept by her and he came to me in a vision, a shadow being warning me away from her. I suppose Im lucky I made it out alive. Girls respond to me well at work, its just hard to follow it up if you are not at a bar or something. I just gotta keep trying but its hard being a man being the one who has to chase and chase.

>>7091 Online dating is great - honestly I'd never have the courage to approach a girl irl - but online it just gets easier and easier. Your lines get better you also care less... I've doubled the amount of girls I've fuarked in the last year mostly because my online dating game is on point.

>>6121 I think a part of the problem is in your personality and outlook on the world. You look down on "fat kids" and "autists" and desire an ideal conventional relationship that just isn't available to you. You come across as very judgmental anon. So try to accept yourself and accept others.

>>7580 Yeah this 100%. The judgements you put on others you put on yourself, and many people on chans dont realize despite the sites loser status they have a more judgemental culture then the most preppy clique from your local suburban highschool. Judgemental to the point of social incapacitation.

In recent months I've come to see that my approach to romantic relationships is very immature and actively damaging to me. I've struggled with intimacy my whole life. It's difficult for me to form a close bond with someone and to share myself with others. In addition, I tend to get crushes that last for months. It's unhealthy, though now so for different reasons than it was in the past. A few years ago, I was a beta, doormat, orbiter kind of person. I would have a crush on someone and then try very hard to be a total pushover to them. Obviously this didn't do anything for me. My view of romantic relationships at this time was also very self centered - it was all focused on how I felt and what I wanted. The other issue, tied to my very negative view of myself, was that I assumed that girls universally hated me or found me disgusting. I thought that everyone I talked to secretly didn't like me. Obviously this is both horrible for self esteem and pretty narcissistic. Over time, as my personality shifted, I lost the doormat aspects of myself and also began to see relationships differently. I also began to assume that most people simply didn't think about me at all. These days, I don't really know what to think about romance. Definitely, I want to experience it with someone, but I'm unsure of what such a relationship looks like. I ended up trying to throw myself into work, studying, and other things to distract myself and prevent further crushes from happening, which didn't work. Where I'm at now is a) I want to have some kind of close relationship with a girl I know but b) I don't understand anything about relationships in general, c) it is likely that she barely thinks about me, given that we are acquaintances only, d) I'm moving across the country in 2 months anyway which makes this whole thing stupid and pointless. I want to stop thinking about people this way. In the past it's already led to problems

>>7586 You are literally me. I also was very closed person in the past but it's better now and I am able to more or less normally function in the society. However my lack of experience with relationships is the cause of my problems now, because I don't really know how they works or what should I expect. I try to observe my friends but it seems that some of them are fooling themselves that they are happy, contantly fighting and arguing so I guess they are not a good type to learn from. I am also aware that I am pretty immature and it pisses me off because I simply didn't experienced all the stuff the others did, I want to change it but it seems that I can't avoid al those mistakes and stupid moves. Last year I was meeting for some time with a great girl but apparently I blew it because I probably acted like a 17 year old and was too clingy. The worst thing is I was able to make a ton of progress in almost every sphere of social life in quite a short time except romantic relationships with women. I'm not giving up but seriously, it's the most complicated and incomprehensible thing ever. And my advice for you is if you are leaving in two months, try to forget about this girl because overall it doesn't have any future. Hopefully you will meet someone in your new place.

>>7586 I used to be like you, in the sense that I always assumed people(potential romantic partners in particular) hated me by default, and then shifted to telling myself nobody ever thought about me. While I think the second one is closer to the mark, as my self-esteem has improved over the course of the past year or so, I've started making eye contact with people more, and I've noticed that sometimes people look at me and seem to like what they see. Even when I'm dressed like a slob. My girlfriend doesn't seem to care how I look or act weird either, apparently it's charming. >I don't understand anything about relationships in general, if you're less than 20 it's fine, nobody does. >it is likely that she barely thinks about me, given that we are acquaintances only I was only acquaintances with my girlfriend until I asked her out while tripping. It didn't go anywhere at first but eventually we did get together. She told me she thought I didn't like her very much because I tend to not make small talk, but I had a pretty decent sized crush on her. >I'm moving across the country in 2 months anyway which makes this whole thing stupid and pointless. Wrong. You can both get a lot out of 2 months, and if things don't work out you get a chance to start yourself over. And, who knows, maybe it'll work out so well priorities will change and the situation will be entirely different.

>>7597 I dunno, man. This exact situation happened before, where I tried to turn a short amount of time into something, and I ended up getting rejected by the girl I was interested in at the time (who ended up getting with my then best friend after I left anyway). I tried very hard to deny how I feel about this current girl precisely because I wanted to avoid a similar situation but it didn't really work. Sure, a lot can happen in eight weeks, but it can be a lot of nothing. After I leave I'll be unable to contact anyone for four months or so anyway so hopefully I'll just forget about her. It hurts to think like this but what choice do I have?

I broke up with my gf last week and saw her last night. Now, evidence is very supportive that in this period she slept with her ex (the one before me) and I feel like asolute soykaf. Yes, I know she had no obligations with me when that happened, and yet I can't shake this feeling that she shared her bed with another guy. Sex is a big deal for me, maybe it shouldn't, but knowing that she let in this guy makes me feel cast aside, as if whatever was growing between us just went down the drain. Moreso because she probably had much more meaningful sex with him, since they were together for 8 years. Now I feel she isn't honest with me, told me nothing about it, but she didn't either said anything about what would happen between us. But I feel bad about that and i don't know if I'm wrong about it. Am I? tell me lains this is eating me inside.

>>7612 Our breakup had been to me a sort of a hiccup, and I was keeping my hopes high up that we could still try to go on. Now of course I couldn't be with her again, but why hasn't she told me anything at all? Of course, she didn't want to have sex with me and I though it was odd, and she said she didn't want to be with me /that way/ at least for the moment, and I kept pestering her about sex, but she never really told me it was over. That's it, she's kept my hopes up but she pretty much remade the bound she has with this guy.... Ah I feel like soykaf. Am I being a whiny bitch, lains?

>>7600 so you're letting one failure define the rest of your life? You're young. This is the time to take risks, otherwise you never will.

>>7612 >>7613 You started with "I broke up with" not "she" or "we" which I took to mean that it was your doing. In which case, yes you are being whiny. If you broke up with her then it's no longer your business what she does. If you still cared, you should have held on a little longer. If she broke up with you, it'd be normal for her behavior to upset you in this case but it's still over and her actions imply that in her mind it is REALLY over.

>>7612 I think this will be hard news for you but its very difficult to supplant 8 years of history unless you're willing to give her that much time. Sometimes it's best to accept it's over and just move on, or you've gotta commit to that grind for 8 years knowing the whole time that she's had a more meaningful relationship than you. Also women cannot ever be just friends with their ex. Anyways I'm speaking from a position of authority here because I'm currently contemplating the same thing talking to this super qt korean but she got out of a 4 year relationship. Now I'm wondering if I should just 'friendzone' and fuarrrk her for the summer. Or fuarrrk her for the summer and allow feelings to develop.

>>7639 >>7673 Thanks for responding. I got over it pretty quick, I was impassioned when I wrote about this. I might actually have been wrong in my suspicions but I still don't know. I'm growing weary of the whole affair and it really doesn't matter much what happens now. Thanks for listening lains!

Do platonic relationships count? Long story short my small circle of friends (3) broke apart two years ago and I've maintained intermittent contact with two of them. By intermittent contact I mean it, one of the two hasn't said anything to me in any form since January and the other since April. That's counting online contact, irl is even worse. Obviously this isn't good. If I were normal I'd have dropped their asses and moved on in life. The problem is I'm super antisocial and don't have any other people to talk to either online or irl. When E3 comes each year it's basically tradition to watch it together so if I wanted I could join them online and watch it together and maybe instigate more contact. Should I though? It's purely because of desperation that I want to talk to them. On top of that they've clearly moved on without me. On the other hand I would like someone to talk to right now and that's not something I can easily fix. Any opinions from well-adjusted anons would be neat, thanks.

>>5449 It's incredibly hard to fix one of these. You need to set a deadline and make it clear there will be consequences. Be real with them. My ex dragged me around like that for about a year, and ultimately wasted a lot of my money. >>5469 I understand your viewpoint on this, but nobody wants to have to suffer because their partner wont pay their half of the rent. For me, when it happened to me I had to live in the ghetto and got attacked by bums despite working an upper middle class job. Partner kept promising they would get an office job, but ended up doing everything else but get a job. >>5505 Evict her from your life for a time. Seriously, you need to move on. No contact whatsoever for 3 months. >I get frequent intrusive thoughts when speaking to or looking at a girl, too, immediate impressions of "she hates you" or "she's glad that was over quickly" or "she thinks you're disgusting." I don't know why. You are experiencing anxiety and confidence issues. A shrink can help, but a short term fix will be to exercise a little to get your brain juices a little more balanced. If you are nerdy as the average lain, no matter how caveman you look there is a lady fetishizing you. You can get laid lainon.

>>7906 Don't overthink it. People get busy, friends come and go. If they are meant to come back they will. Feel free to contact them if you wish lain, there is nothing wrong with it.

>>7910 >if you are as nerdy as the average lain, no matter how caveman you look there is a lady out there fetishizing you some straight truth here. Being smart is a huge turn on for many people, especially if you also have good hygene.

>>7975 >especially if you also have good hygene. *sigh*

>>7976 Just find a girl with similarly poor habits. Always worked for me and besides, their sweaty pheremones smell better than the average perfumed tart.

>>7977 >having a cute messy girlfriend

>>7975 I've found the opposite is true, if you are charismatic smart and attractive people literally just ignore bad hygene. I have the worst hygene ever and I'm constantly apologizing for it, but people still hang out with/hook up/date me anyway. The more people see you as charismatic the more you can get away with in other areas. The extreme of this being supermodel women being with ugly-fat-disgusting people who are rich.

Lains, how can you tell that particular person is worth pursuing? I have spent most of my life alone in my room, away from society and normal interactions so my understanding of how relationships works is pretty poor. However some time ago I put myself together a little bit and it seems that people like me and I have some serious chances with girls. I even was with one for some time but I figured out that I could find someone better if I am apparently not a complete pile of soykaf like I thought for my whole life. From this moment I can't build any relationship because I still think that maybe this isn't it, that perhaps I should look further so I could create a deeper connection. I always think, what if I will start a relationship with this girl and 1 month later I will meet someone totally stunning. I know that nobody is perfect (and I'm far from it) and I know that there is always a chance to meet someone prettier or smarter but it's hard for me to get over these thoughts. I think I am not being able to feel true love so it's not like I will know insinde that this one is the one. It's more about pros and cons and I'm not sure which elements should be the most important in creating a relationship. Also this whole thing with love is pretty messed up for me. I don't know if it's just me but seriously, I never felt anything that could be described as a romantic love which would lasted for a long time. Personality is also more important for me so ma feelings wern't purely physical as well but if things didn't worked out I was always able to get over it pretty quickly. However somewhere deep inside I think I still believe that this kind of overtaking love exists and perhaps I am waiting for it to happen.

Guess I'll talk about my experience. I didn't have a lot of relationships, although I did have a lot of friends. The ones that did happen ended because I couldn't get close. I kept deflecting. It's hard to describe how I met my ex-wife. I'd seen her before, and for the most part we ignored each other. Then suddenly, in 2012, I meet her at a party while I'm back home. We started chatting, trivial things. Then we started talking about our interests, things that excite us, ideas we long to talk about but can't always share; listening to her as the passion of her work, her ideas, captured me. We end up talking all night. Over the next few days we seek out excuses to see each other. There is a buzzing energy between us. Something not tangible, but present. My sister saw it before me. During a party at my house, she pulled me aside. "All of the guys here are going after her, but they don't have a chance. I see how you two are when you are in a room together." That night my ex-wife and I stayed up until dawn, kissing as the sun rose. I've never felt love for someone as much as I did her. She was sexually attractive, but it was who she was, her mind, her personality, that drew me in. Even now, divorced, a phone call between us usually lasts an hour. Everything fits; our bodies, our minds, our tastes. Our dreams. I didn't believe in love, but that's what it was. In 2014 we had a child. We love her very much, and she gets the best from both of us. In 2017 we divorced. I am very successful in my career. I do not want for money or job satisfaction. My ex-wife, after a few hiccups, is now in the same place. I wrote this long post because I never thought I would find someone who I truly loved, and who returned that love ten-fold. I write this so when it happens to you, when you, when you are blindsided by a fierce romance, maybe you can keep it around longer than me. 1) No matter how close you two are, she doesn't think like you. When you are hurt or mad, you wish to be alone; it is a mistake to believe the same about her. 2) Your job can wait. I am a chronic workaholic -- my late arrivals and constant work only drove a wedge between me and my ex. Yes, you will be successful, and you will be praised. But when you return to your empty home, only then will you realize the cost of a poor work/life balance. Work can wait. 3) If ever you are in an argument and you feel the other person isn't making logical sense, do not play the logic game. Pay attention: what is she really upset about? Where is all this stemming from? Have I been neglecting her? Does she not feel appreciated? If one or both parties are heated, rarely is there a logical answer. 4) If your significant other starts to show signs of depression, for the love of all that is holy, pay attention. Depression will kill the person you fell in love with, and all that's left is someone who is wounded, sad, and in pain. 5) Be proactive about problems. Read books, seek counseling, and attack relationship issues openly and in some cases with professional help. This is important; if you care you must expend every effort. 6) The worst advice. If you see that your significant other is suffering, and you are the problem, you must let them go. At this stage only resentment builds. The falling apart of my marriage was complex, and had a lot of factors. A good amount of it was my fault. Fortunately we separated at the early stage of resentment and anger, which headed off the vast majority of problems divorce usually causes (alimony, child custody/support, etc). We have no animosity towards each other. I help her out with financial struggles and advice on what to do with her life, she picks me up when I am down, nursed me back to health after a major surgery, and all in all is an amazing partner in raising our daughter. It's funny; we've tried to do other relationships, but we just can't make them stick. They just aren't the same, lack the same depth. TL;DR You will find someone who you feel at peace with. Just remember that love is not enough; you can be best friends, fiercely dedicated to each other, but life is hard. Love is automatic; relationships are effort. And remember: break it off before the resentment and hatred has a chance to set in. Better to have a close friend you can rely on than a sworn enemy that knows your weaknesses.

>>7982 >put a "cute" in front of a negative and it becomes a positive >I am willing to ignore someones downfalls as a human being just because they have a vagina so will intentionally label those downfalls as positives And you wonder why you don't have gfs? Infantilization of women is at all time high in this gynocentric culture we live in You virgins should be the first to understand that douchebags are appealing to women because they don't see them as TV and movie stereotypes And that, in its entirety, only shows to your autistic innability to socialize and pick up social cues

>>8004 A person who can't discern a humorous post from a serious one can't talk about being unable to pick up social cues. But this is honestly has to be bait. >uses the term gynocentric >while using insults like virgin and the connotation that a man is somehow less because he hasn't had sex >also while complaining about "infantilization of women" being at an "all time high" >AND using the term autistic as some sort of insult >doing all of this over a joke post You really need a waifu. Or at least a good meal, holy crap.

>>8006 Copy pasting what I wrote and having a laughing anime picture isn't reffuting any of my claims. You should look up a tutorial on how to present your opinion or how to try argue against others. Otherwise your words are like catharsis. A breath between meaningful words being exchanged. Yes, biologically and evolutionary speaking a man is less valued if he can't attract a mate. Yes, we live in a culture where men are pussies to the point that every woman (no matter how vile or disgusting) is put up on a pedistal. While you saw a joke post I saw a quite serious pussywhipped glitterboy that posted weeb soykaf thinking he is in some kind of romcom. Not to mention this whole chan gives that sort of vibe. Tldr: not an argument >>8005 I like laughing at retards here. Most of times I don't post though, so feel grace of reading my posts & getting angry over few edgy words I used and ignoring the meat of the post entirely.

>>8008 You still took a humorous post way too seriously, there was never a debate. But it's even funnier that you were completely serious. Doesn't mean I can't have fun with this though. >Yes, biologically and evolutionary speaking a man is less valued if he can't attract a mate Oh? Really? In a species that can override a lot of biological issues through medicine, you are really going to go with the "It's biologic, bro" argument but then in the same breath reference culture (aka society) which will only continue to decline if we just allow people to just have babies unchecked like what your attitude would allow. With your argument, the man who knocked up three different crackwhore women and potentially allow those kids to grow up in dysfunctional adults is more valued than the man with no kids but is either solving problems like hard to cure illnesses or at least helping kids grow up into great adults even though the first guy is a drain on society while the other guy is an asset. Furthermore, "finding a mate" means almost zilch now because humans created sperm banks. Men can just donate their sperm by the fapful, get paid, and women have their babies. You complain about infantilzing women, men are just completely dehumanized in this instance. >Yes, we live in a culture where men are pussies to the point that every woman (no matter how vile or disgusting) is put up on a pedistal. And your point is? There are thirsty men, doesn't mean anything. Just reality. >While you saw a joke post I saw a quite serious pussywhipped glitterboy that posted weeb soykaf thinking he is in some kind of romcom. Not to mention this whole chan gives that sort of vibe. And I see a guy who needs to understand humor. And needs a good 2D waifu to love and kiss.

>>8011 >smug anime dot jpg So I shouldn't take your comment seriously too? Even though you answered honestly and in long paragraphs, obviously having an issue with my worldview? Moving that aside, yes, culture sits on topc of biology. That is why southern countries and (exclusive or) lower IQs countries have more of an ass fetish than tits fetish. Culture just builds upon natural instincts and truths that we observe and transcribe. Why else would there be loads of songs about love and sex and little to no songs about 53rd dimensional plane? It is nature and biology that says men don't have value if they can't attract a mate with which they can procreate with. It only follows that those people ought to be shamed and laughed at. >if we just allow people to just have babies unchecked like what your attitude would allow. Wrong understanding of nature of romantic and sexual attraction on your part isn't my fault of missunderstandment in this discussion. Humans have for almost all their existance been polygamous, and as seen in middle eastern countries, one sexy rich smart man can have a lot of wives under the rule he can pay for them all to be housewives This produces a playing field where only smart and strong win the reproduction game while the weak perish. >the man who knocked up three different crackwhore women and potentially allow those kids to grow up in dysfunctional adults is more valued than the man with no kids but is either solving problems like hard to cure illnesses or at least helping kids grow up into great adults even though the first guy is a drain on society while the other guy is an asset. At what cost? Ever seen the movie "idiocracy"? I know I know, worn out example but it works. Why does it matter if he helps millions if he cant help himself? A natural order of needs and desires exists. He isn't a martyr, he isn't a life saver nor can you expect a man to waste his life and energy and intelligence solving problems of others. And this is what angers me the most about all these stories of "geniuses that wasted their talents". Their talents weren't wasted and it isn't up to you to expect them to use their intellect or talent to better the state of humanity. It is a bit arrogant to live with this pressumption that a man exists that can and will give his needs up for another, give needs of his family for another... etc. And what I have seen is that only white people with too much time on their hands do this sort of thing. I laugh at these idiots. They will be forgotten, their hardships and suffering for others glanced upon witn no second thought. And the deadbeat fuarrrked that spread his genes like a king? He did what he wanted, lived the life he wanted. Maybe he got angry looks and dissapeoval but nothing else. His kind will inherit the earth. And as you look more and more, there will be less good people like you described. And I welcome that. GOOD. >Men can just donate their sperm by the fapful, get paid, and women have their babies Did you even look up the stats of in vitro fertilization before passing on this mainstream myth of sperm bank millionaire that has babies around the world? PLEASE DO. Look up how many egg cells actually succeed to get fertilized. How many eomen who store their eggs actually decide to use them... etc etc fuarrrking hell, like I am talking to just a jumbled up mess of "I heard about" possibility stories deom mainstream. No conciouss personal opinions formed. Like a buffet pick and choose of mainstream appeal and ideas. If you actually took time to form your opinions than to just soykaf them out your other hole than they would sound different. >men are just completely dehumanized in this instance. My point is that they aren't dehumanized enough in our current culture. >And your point is? That it is the norm and average. >2d waifu Yea Funny Hah It was funny in 2007... maybe, but today people took that waifu soykaf for serious to the point that they have angry flamewars about whos waifu is whos. Your "funny" postinf actually created a whole generation on weebs who believe in notion of 2d waifu.

>>8013 >So I shouldn't take your comment seriously too? Even though you answered honestly and in long paragraphs, obviously having an issue with my worldview? Whether you take my comments seriously is completely up to you, man. You sorta come off as someone who can't take a simple joke, of course I'm gonna have a little bit of fun with you. Anyhow. So, I guess I will concede culture and really anything we like is based on biology. I would be lying through my teeth if I said that I play fan service heavy games for the gameplay alone. I do like some big butts and moderately sized boobs, after all. I was just thinking that going strictly by "biology" as the end all be all is a little silly when the average human doesn't behave as intended. I don't think biology wanted humans to be sitting on their asses all day in front of computers posting on imageboards but here we are doing just that. Not to mention, we have morals and empathy, give me one good reason to shame and laugh at virgins or really anyone incapable of reproduction? Next time I see my ugly autistic female co-worker, should I really mock her to her face because almost no man will ever want her fat Steven Universe fangirl ass? Should I base my behavior and attitudes entirely on "biology"? I'm not being snarky here, but I truly think that being a man is more than just knocking up women and spreading your seed aimlessly and there should be no shame in being a virgin whether by choice or poor circumstance. >Why does it matter if he helps millions if he cant help himself? A natural order of needs and desires exists. Those needs and desires are the reason I'd rather not see people just mindlessly have kids. I'd rather not deal with the crime that often comes from poor socialization, thank you. >Did you even look up the stats of in vitro fertilization before passing on this mainstream myth of sperm bank millionaire that has babies around the world? Oh my, trying to shove words in my mouth I see. This is my fault, maybe I should just stop using humor with you since it keeps going over your **CUTE** head. Actually, the topic of sperm donation is actually very personal to me since it's how I was born and all. And after watching a lot of vlogs and reading women's experience with it, as well as some people who work in field, it's more involved than just "gimme sperm" and that it can take several attempts for a woman to get pregnant. If you want my personal opinion on sperm banks, they are highly dehumanizing to the men since a woman can just grab a catalog and look through a list of men. And it's even worse if the mother then decides to never tell the child who their donor is, but that's more of a personal issue, so whatever. >My point is that they aren't dehumanized enough in our current culture. And I think men are dehumanized far too much. Sorry, but I have more value than what your worldview would allow me. I am not worth less just because I haven't reproduced. >It was funny in 2007... maybe, but today people took that waifu soykaf for serious to the point that they have angry flamewars about whos waifu is whos. Maybe you're just jealous of people's waifus? It's okay, everyone eventually finds their waifu.

>>8013 >That is why southern countries and (exclusive or) lower IQs countries have more of an ass fetish than tits fetish. do you have a source for this? i'd love to read about it.

>>8023 Not, him but I remember seeing a boobs vs butts heatmap before. I'd try searching for that image.

What are good resources for people to learn how to be a little more trusting? I'll admit that I don't trust a lot of people with more personal details, somethings are understandable I'm not going to sperg out over anime in public but I'd be nice if I could at least share with people I've talked to for years about what makes me tick or things that are upsetting me. I hate bothering people with my problems, preferring introspective writing exercises on my laptop about how I am feeling. Some issues, I feel like no one really understands, so I feel lost at times.

I don't really know what I want and I don't really understand romantic relationships at all. I'm not really sure what you would call what I feel. I want to make someone happy - to work hard for someone else, to hear them laugh, to know what's important to them and to care about it, and to be able to help them when something goes wrong. To me, it hurts when I see someone hurt or just distressed and I'm unable to do anything for them. But I'm also a distant kind of guy. I take forever to notice how I feel about someone and usually by the time I'm aware of how I feel, I've run out of time to act. I'm introverted, and I've got a fear of intimacy as strong as my desire for it. I overanalyze every bad choice I make, then write off good ones as flukes. I view myself as unworthy of good things and take steps to sabotage my own relationships out of guilt. I could go on for paragraphs about my flaws and whatever but you get the point. I'm at a crossroads in my life. Depending on what I do over the next few years, I could either end up somewhere I've dreamed of being or end up a shut-in loser. I appreciate any advice, name-calling, wisdom, or other replies. Thanks for reading.

>>8027 let go. Enter a trance state where you simply do without thinking. Things are easy then. It takes practice but it's doable. Especially if you use drugs.

>>8022 Since you stopped posting, I'm guessing you either got annoyed by me or you're now busy "laughing at retards here" but I will say that one thing you've said has got me interested in reading about polyamory throughout history, it's a pain in the ass to find any good info because it's either a load of liberal or conservative screeching with each DDG search but it's really fascinating to read about. So I will thank you, but no matter what, you still overreacted to people memeing and that will always be funny. Thanks.

>>8006 >joke comment Thread like this? Did you even see all other comments? To normal people everything here looks like a joke

>>8033 Oh boy, another person with no humor. >>8035 Y-you can have my v-virginity, Tyrell-sempai, uguu~~~~~. Jokes aside, I'm proud of being weird and I have zero qualms with being a virgin. My life is not based on female validation.

I just want a hacker gf. Regular girls are not much fun. They ask, "What do you do for fun?" When I tell them about my job (pentest) and my hobbies (hacking all the things) they either a) don't understand or relate at all b) think it's weird c) think I'm going to h4x0r them or something (which of course I would never do), or all of the above. I have other hobbies, too, of course. But hacking is my PASSION in life. It's kinda soykafty to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't "get" something that is so important to me. It would be fuarrrking amazing to date a girl who knew how to hack. We could stay up all night, pop some adderall/xanax and smoke some weed, and crack into some soykaf together. My fantasy is her sitting on my lap at the PC while I show her some eleet trick, and she says, "Lol yeah that's cool, I guess... but watch THIS" and shows me something new. I'd love to spoon her while we shared the laptop and hacked. We could even dev up some bad ass tools together. If I really liked her I might even add her to authorized ssh keys on my crackbox :) There are hacker girls out there, I've seen them. But most of the time, like for example at a con or something, they get swarmed with neckbeards. I don't approach them because I don't want to be yet ANOTHER guy who is trying to flirt with them. Not to mention all the sexual harassment and stupid male bullsoykaf that crops up in the field from time to time. I imagine it must be really hard to be a girl in this field for that reason. It's probably pretty hard for them to find bf's as well. I don't want to sound narcissistic but I think I'm a pretty good catch! I've definitely got some faults sure, but overall I'm pretty good. I'm not horribly unattractive, ok not a model or anything, but I take care of myself and try to dress well and groom myself and bathe (which is more than i can say for some guys i know to be honest). I'm in decent shape. I do OK financially; I'm not a NEET. I have a good sense of humor I think. I'm sensitive, thoughtful, caring.. But I'm also probably a bit of an aspie considering how much time I spend on the computer and how much I struggle with social interaction (which is probably why i'm single). I don't feel "entitled" to a gf because of these things, simply saying that I think I have things to offer a partner. Any advice on how to find my hacker gf?

>>8064 try going to more hacker conventions\conferences\meetups

>>8064 I would say just lose the fantasy and just get someone you bond with regardless of interest. A gamer girlfriend would be cool (using myself as an example) but then I thought about the reality of it, like what if she turns out to be a slob who pisses in bottles or something for those marathon sessions? I know that's exaggerated but it's sorta like the usual fantasy vs reality of certain situations. I think personally, I'd rather not have a girl who shares an actual passion of mine or at least to the degree I do. If I dated a girl who was just into candy crush and plays Smash with me every once in a while, I'd be fine with that. Maybe you just need some dude hackers.

>too anxious to put myself out there >had multiple people tell me just to do it, that i'll succeed >still can't do it guess i'll die >>8064 hate to break it to you, but most "hacker" girls you're going to meet are just in it for the status of being a "cool hacker girl xd". i think you'd have a hard time finding someone with a serious interest in that, let alone a woman. programming/computer science/mathematics is just not a female thing in general, and it's not a coincidence either, women just aren't as good at that. >I don't approach them because I don't want to be yet ANOTHER guy who is trying to flirt with them. god i know this feeling. when you really like some girl but you don't want to get near them because you can tell they're already constantly bugged by 10 other guys at all times. I guess you just have to ignore it and delude yourself into believing that you're different somehow, like no doubt the other 10 guys orbiting her do. otherwise you're not competing at all and that isn't good.

>>8071 >programming/computer science/mathematics is just not a female thing in general, and it's not a coincidence either, women just aren't as good at that. mathematician here. There are lots of girls who are really into math, to the same degree or even moreso than men. Some math grad students are actually pretty hot.

>>8072 maybe i just live in an area where women don't do math? generally i find math is dominantly male here. might be because i live in the south though. i imagine more liberal areas would see a lot more female mathematicians. i'm not doubting that women can be good at math, i'm just saying it's probably a little rarer than finding a male that's good at math. spatial reasoning is a necessary muscle for mathematical intuition, and it's been known for a while that men are usually better at spatial reasoning.

>>8075 >spatial reasoning is a necessary muscle for mathematical intuition, and it's been known for a while that men are usually better at spatial reasoning. Why are you making up blatant lies? I'd like to see some academic research on this topic since you're talking about it in a matter of fact fashion

>>8071 >hate to break it to you, but most "hacker" girls you're going to meet are just in it for the status of being a "cool hacker girl xd". i think you'd have a hard time finding someone with a serious interest in that, let alone a woman. I disagree. I've met real hacker girls before, some of them were bad ass and way better than me if I'm being honest. But, sadly, they either 1.) already had a bf, 2.) were lesbian, or 3.) were not very attractive for me. >programming/computer science/mathematics is just not a female thing in general, and it's not a coincidence either, women just aren't as good at that. This is sexist nonsense with no basis in fact. The reason there are few women in the field is because of ugly neckbeards who harass women, and who spout crap like this.

>>8078 Not that guy, but aren't women more people orientated while men tend to be thing orientated and that's the common reason why women are in positions like HR, teaching, nursing, etc and men tend to be in things like engineering and similar fields? I'm not saying all men or all woman but isn't that the general trend of men and women jobs?

>>8075 There are definitely more men than women in math. It's up there with CS in terms of gender inequality(somewhere like 75 or 80% men). I think the resons are more social than biological though. There's already heavy social pressure on everyone not to go into math("oh, you're a *math* major? I hate math!!"), and since teenage girls can be so vicious I think it's just cranked up to 11. That, and this meme that women are worse than men at math. It seriously makes it harder to be a female mathematician just because people *assume* you don't get it, although things are changing as mathematicians become more aware of this fact. >spatial reasoning is a necessary muscle for mathematical intuition, and it's been known for a while that men are usually better at spatial reasoning. depends what math you're doing. Lots of it is purely symbolic, what matters more is abstract thinking skills and working memory. Oddly enough, now that I think of it very few female mathematicians I've met are white, while almost all male mathematicians are white. I wonder why that is?

>>8078 > This is sexist nonsense with no basis in fact. Yeah man, biology is just a sexist lie created by evil males. The reason why there are no female chess players that could challenge top male chess players is because they are undermined by the patriarchy. The real reason why the top female StarCraft player could not compete with male players from even the bottom of the top 100 male players list (she will try the bottom of top 250 next time, lel) is because her efforts were undermined by the patriarchy. Right, right? Present Day, Present Time! AHAHAHAHAHA!

>>8086 it certainly is one explanation, and there is ample evidence supporting it.

A lain for discussion. I hope I don't derail the thread too much. >>8078 >>8077 Like >>8079 said, women are typically more people-based. That's why they make good caretakers, they're good at intrapersonal relationships. Men are typically more "thing" oriented and have more calculating paths of thinking. You can look alone at the imbalance between the amount of male spergs vs female spergs--Typically, high functioning autists are better at spatial reasoning and worse at interpersonal skills. Females typically have slightly worse spatial reasoning and better interpersonal skills. Keyword is typically. This is one study that looks pretty interesting. I feel that it supports a lot of my points. Feel free to post some alternate studies, since you want to take an approach to discussion like this https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2909401/ As you can see from figure two, women typically score lower than men on many of the challenges. You can go back and look at specifically what these challenges were if you like and determine if they support the hypothesis that men have better spatial reasoning ability. One interesting thing I noticed from this is that women were slightly better in the challenge S3. S3 is "Euclidean distance judgement". Put simply, the subjects had to judge a distance by eyes. Let's keep with that. Now, I'm sure you already know that generally speaking, high functioning autism rates for men are much higher than for women. High functioning autism typically results in a higher spatial logic ability and a decrease in empathy. Women tend to be the opposite, with lesser spatial ability (assuming this research is correct) and higher empathy(The research doesn't back this point up specifically). Remember S3, the "Euclidian distance judgement"? Something interesting about high functioning autism is that people who are diagnosed with it are typically extremely bad at judging distances from sight. Hence, going with the assumption that men are higher on the autism spectrum on average, this would seem to validate this inconsistency within the study, and potentially support the study overall. Depending on your outlook. Another important thing to consider is that you'll find that people that suffer from HFA are more likely to enter fields related to programming, computer science, and mathematics, due primarily to their analytical nature. >>8088 Sorry but I think that generally, studies proving this difference seem to be conducted better. From research I've done, it seems to be the case that often studies proving the opposite are a lot rarer and generally conducted poorly, relying on the fact that many news sites will repost their findings, as if to say "Look! Women r strong!" This isn't a matter of who is "better". Women admittedly have strengths that men don't have. Point is; spatial logic is not one of them, and as a result it simply isn't as easy for them to conduct mathematical analysis. For example, if you look at the typical winners of writing competitions (especially during youth), there is substantially more female winners, likely due to a greater female ability to empathize. Anyways, I don't think your half-assed "neckbeard" explanation is going to fly. It's more of a personal attack than a valid hypothesis, so if you'd gladly see your way out of the conversation, I think everyone would be a little bit happier.

>>8088 I'm sorry, but if you are just going to use stereotypes of men like that then it might as well not be used at all. A very, very interesting counterpoint to the "neck beard" fantasy is the reality of how men treat women in the workplace vs how women treat women in the workplace. As in, how it's often other women that are the woes of women, not some guy hitting on them. If it's "neck beard" men pushing women out, then why do you have women who would prefer to work with only men? >>8092 We might need a new thread for this, I haven't even touched the study yet and it's pretty interesting from what you've posted. Damn.

>>8093 >stereotypes of men what? Many women are just as complicit in patriarchal society as men are. It's a question of society, not any particular individuals. Society is unequal(or otherwise soykafty), and people as a group tend to reinforce their society. It's a very simple idea. >>8092 I have no doubt that adult men and women are biologically different in a variety of ways, but I don't think these differences are a very important factor for the inequality experienced today. If you actually interviewed women in the sciences, I'd say a good 50% would have some story about a time someone was dismissive or rude to them because of their gender. On a related note: why do people so often assume women are lying or otherwise can't be expected to give a truthful account? >Anyways, I don't think your half-assed "neckbeard" explanation is going to fly. different person, although the neckbeards are annoying.

>>8094 >If you actually interviewed women in the sciences, I'd say a good 50% would have some story about a time someone was dismissive or rude to them because of their gender Yeah I'm sure they do the fuarrrking cunts. Don't believe anything a woman tells you, they are deceivers by nature.

>>8094 The person making the neck beard statement is basically producing an image of some overly specific situation that either happens rarely or is blown up into something horrible when it was likely not a real issue. I say a stereotype of men because the autist neck beard is clearly a gendered insult referring a man who has no social grace. The same kind of insult when someone say, complains about how their video games are devolving or how a company is insulting them for no real reason. Society can never be truly equal anyway, unless you want to eliminate any and all diversity in body types, intellectual capacity, and biological function.

>>8088 LOL So everything neck down is "obviously different anatomy based on sex" but brains can't be changed due to hotmonal differences at least? Wtf you smoking

>>8094 Men get called pigs and animals every day but we at least we aren't sensitive walking elephant memories.

>>8097 >Society can never be truly equal anyway, unless you want to eliminate any and all diversity in body types, intellectual capacity, and biological function. Society doesn't have to be as unequal as it is now. Sexual dimorphism, both in brain and in body, is not sufficient to explain the inequalities present in society. Something else has to be going on. Anyway, this should probably be in a different thread -- it's already practically a trashfire. I'm gonna report the thread and recommend these posts get moved.

My ex and I broke up when he conceded that he wasn't putting in enough effort and wasn't in the mental state to change, which was correct. It was a decision he made on his own and sprung onto me. Luckily we were near best friends before and still are. The problem is, I still think about him all the time and sometimes relapse feelings for him. How do I deal with this? Should I try to get with someone new?

my gf recently told me she wanted to try out polyamory. It was a long hard conversation... she doesn't want to break up with me but she also wants to see other people, and I don't know if I can do that, I'm not poly and I don't think I'd be able to form the necessary trust in whoever else she decides to date. She said she had expected it to go much worse? I dunno. We're still together and that doesn't seem like it'll change soon. This is her first relationship. I think she's just really scared of commitment. Also, she's leaving for 2 months which we already agreed will be "break time", meaning I have to actually try meeting new people if I want any physical intimacy(which I absolutely do). I can't keep relying on this fluke.

>>8177 pro tip dude, it will be healthier for you to just dump her now.

>>8099 > Men get called pigs and animals every day I don't. Maybe if you stopped acting like one you wouldn't get called that "every day".

Sorry for the ramble I'm about to go on - reading over after makes me realize its kind of dull. But please, read if you have the time. tl;dr: last two paragraphs only About three months ago I reconnected with a girl from my high school. Really I only hadn't seen her for a year, as we were both fresh out into college from graduating. She invited me to play some games (through the game client), as I had friended her a long time ago when she dated a close friend of mine, and we all played together. I was a kissless virgin then. I felt like a different person talking to her, as it had been awhile, and she was different too. At first it was just games and voice chat. I don't get that autistic/excited just talking to girls (anymore) and it wasn't a big deal. But when her friends got offline we would keep playing. This is where the three month mark starts. So I played games and talked with her for a month, warming up to her. I could rib with her, make her laugh, and she had a lot more to say than when I thought she was a quiet girl in a lobby of other players. We had similar dreams and liked to talk about those. Still, nothing too heavy. I liked to flirt, and when she told me about her plans she would joke about me coming back to town for a day. With my school year coming to a close I liked to tell her I'd see her back in hometown (where she stayed) after college. She said she was going to have people over this summer. This made me think, oh not just me. That's fine. I was ready to accept just being friends. So I proceeded with that acceptance, until two linked nights changed my perspective. The first night started as usual, but around 4 AM we ended up talking about music. We reminisced about old vocaloid songs and shared a few with each other, and I was surprised to share that with anyone. I asked her for more music she liked, and she sent me a playlist. I sent her a few songs too. The second night occurred about a week after that - in between we just played games normally, but we did start texting each other. I had just moved back to hometown, and I was at a friends for the night. We were texting, and she tried to get me to listen to a song. I told her I was busy, but she sent it again, and I stopped replying (got drunk with the lads). The morning after I listened to the song in the shower and felt my heart quicken with the lyrics: Are you into me, like I'm into you? Do you wanna do the things I wanna do with you You're so close, and yet so far I wonder how you look when you're in the dark You're just one click away, click away, click away Cheesy, but neither of our tastes in music is very prestigious. Listening felt like whiplash. I told her "I like the lyrics; " and sent her my own cheesy song about a distant boy falling in love. I'll spare you all reading the lyrics in that one. I asked if she listened to my songs the day after, and she said "yes, I liked the lyrics :) ". Still, I was worried about reading too much into it. Tried not to get attached. Really we might just share a taste in music. I had been back in town for about two weeks now. We kept playing games and chatting, just me and her now, as a lot of our friends have different schedules. Felt like a habit at this point, but she was always online when I thought she would be. Two days ago she said she was getting offline early and had plans with someone in the morning. I joked and mentioned it being a date and she said, "Not a date!". I got online later to play with other friends, but she was still up around 3 AM. So I talked to her, and told her to go to sleep after we laughed about our day for a bit. I'll get into the actual problem which left me very unsure. She came back from her plans in a bad mood, and told me her friend asked her to be his first time. She deliberately moved the plans from her place at the last minute, so the guy made his proposal in broad daylight. Although having to turn him down, she continued saying "he's such a nice guy," defending him from my ridicule. We ended up texting about love after that - I joked saying "He's just looking for love, like you," and she said to me "Well I already found love :)" We flirted and talked all night after that. I assumed it was about me and didn't think I was wrong until the next day. After that I was wrapped up. I hadn't been able to get her out of my head. But when I tried to talk to her yesterday, she just didn't want to say anything, and left my two messages un-replied to (but opened) until late at night when I was out with my friends again. And I brought up her talking about finding love, and she said, "Really? I don't remember saying anything like that." Which was sad, as I keep playing that text in my head (silently?). I'm used to not having feelings reciprocated, so I'm not a wreck or anything. But I'm unsure where to go from here. I have too little information to make a move, I feel. But isn't decisiveness what breaks these barriers? Sorry for the long read.

>>8177 I've had only two monogamous relationships ever, my first two. The first girl, when we were 15, fvcked a friend of mine in the middle of it. Not so monogamous on her end apparently. The second girl was a fangirl of b+w Hollywood era films and expected her love life to follow that example. She was chronically dismayed by the fact that I wasn't Jimmy Stewart as I eventually figured out. Later she stalked me when I tried to break it off. So I've told every new partner that I was never going to be exclusive. This worked out 90% of the time. The breakups are a lot less painful to say the least. Of course if you aren't comfortable with the idea, it won't work. Maybe you can get used to it and eventually even learn to prefer it. Too many people have stupid fairy tale ideas about romance and expect their partners to live up to them when they can't do it themselves. I get called cynical for this but it's the opposite. People are capable of a wider range of lifestyles and love than the narrow view of it enforced by tradition and sold by the media.

>>8196 agreed 100%. the love narrative is an unhealthy dependence, the idea of "giving yourself" to someone feels absolutely fantastic because its storybook and unrealistic and cant be sustained. In my opinion true love is when your willimg to enjoy that persons company while they are there, and when you part you both have only the best hopes for eachother. If anything I think not necessarily non monogamous but non possessive relationships result in you being more likely to know that person for life. Because neither side feels trapped, they can come and go as they please and thus they will usually return because theres no perceived burden that if they do you will get "attatched".

>>8193 The criteria for getting called a pig or an animal is to disagree with anything a Western woman says.

>>8292 You're either projecting or being disingenuous. I've never been called those things and I say all kinds of crazy soykaf to "western women".

>>8024 >>8023 here you go tl;dv (sand)?nigger countries such as africa, the middle east and weimerica prefer ass but most white countries (europe, russia, canada, ausfailia, NZ) and the vast majority of the civilized asian countries (china, japan, SK) prefer tits

>>8295 >North Korea is included somehow Oh, we know what a certain dictator likes. And he has good taste. Of course, I'd be more interested if this was broken down even further by regions in each nation of the world. If there is a racial and therefore biological reason for preference then places that are massive with various ethnic groups like the USA, China, and Russia are being skewed aren't they?

>>8292 ...and it couldn't possibly be that you act like a social retard while doing so. Man up.

>>8292 > Western woman says Unironically interacting with one of them ever. Avoidance is the best policy. They still bitch and moan behind your back, but it saves you wasting your life dealing with it.

>>8299 > Unironically wat

>>8296 > Oh, we know what a certain dictator likes. And he has good taste. Cheese. By the bucketful.

>>8300 Best avoided, no appreciable long term benefits of being around or with one.

>>8178 eh... nah. I've dealt with breakups before, of similarly weird type, and they're not that bad. I'm notoriously good at communication. The hard part is the boredom that comes after. I don't even have a problem with the idea of polyamory. Not the jealous type at all. Just kinda insecure I guess. The idea of her fuarrrking/loving someone else I'm fine with, the idea that I'm not good enough hurts. >>8196 thanks for the advice. I got rid of that silly simplistic version of "love" for myself quite some time ago, nowadays I just do what feels right. also this is a relationship advice thread... if y'all just want to be bitter because people don't like your toxic personality, go elsewhere.

>>8003 >be waifu >need to talk about feels >husbando says not now, needs to work >finally talk, only argues factually >says my feelings are wrong >daily arguments end with me in tears and him being callous gone to therapy for a year, alone. i'm getting to the point where i can't let go of the mean things that have been said. i feel less and less liked and more depressed by the day. wat do?

>>5540 I've a friend with Asperger's, and I've seen that, even with it, you can force yourself to learn and memorize social cues. He clearly has his issues, but he can be extremely perceptive of cues. So there's hope for you. Try reading some books on social interaction (maybe social engineering? Should suffice if you don't try to use it to exploit people). Have yet to read myself, but attached I've heard is good

>>8460 husbando is clearly not interested in opening up emotionally. Maybe leave him.

Not sure if this is helpful in any way, but regardless this is my experience having been in a committed relationship with a girl with bipolar issues. To start with she was some level of actual bp, moreso than the usual people you see publicly claiming it, but she definitely was not as bad as she'd claim, and instead would use it as a shield for being either selfish, or mean towards others. It. Was. Hell. I believe that a committed relationship requires some level of compromise on both sides, the chances are that you will never find someone who agrees with you on everything, so on a fundamental level compromise is important. There was only ever compromise on my behalf, and any attempt to try and indicate that something was more important to me than she realised was met with accusations of putting other people above her, which led to accusations of me cheating. This would continue to get worse, all of a sudden me not looking at the ground in public was a sure sign of me admiring other women. Me having women acquitences (Not even good friends, just people I was on friendly terms with) was evidence I was cheating. Me moving in bed to get comfortable was surefire proof I was thinking of fuarrrking her flatmate. Being the slightly more naive person than I am now, I did my best to reassure her, and clamp down on anything that might set off her insecurities, I stopped talking to any of my friends, I would ignore people I knew in the street, I would walk around with my head pointed firmly at my shoes, etc. etc. This just led to her claims becoming more and more outlandish, all ofa sudden she's certain I'm checking people out in my periphial vision. All of a sudden I'm only wanting to talk to my best friend because I can vicariously imagine myself with his girlfriend. All of a sudden when I tripped on the sidewalk it was because we were in the area of town a girl I used to be friends with lived. In my experience. It will never matter how much you do to make sure they can feel comfortable, and no matter how much effort you put in, no matter how much you give up, you will always be the bad guy. I thankfully got out of that mess, and have been all the better for it. I'm trying hard to unlearn many habits I formed in relation to how I interact with people in public, and it's been hard. Everyone she knows now believes I'm some sort of horrible person for leaving her. Any chance I take to defend myself (When I still bothered to try to) is met with "Typical dude, saying it was actually his ex's fault. Trust a guy to make it out like his ex was crazy" It's made it hard to get close to people, it seems like theres nothing good that can come from opening up to someone who has all these pre-concieved notions of you. I'm trying to unlearn that train of thinking but it is tough to see otherwise. This has been my part rant, part vent, part story. I don't know if this is typical of BPD, or if she was just a soykafty person who happened to have BPD, or both. Thanks for listening.

>>8460 That's sad to hear. You deserve better than that.

>>5548 Recontact that girl if you can- please let me live vicariously through you

>>5695 I can relate to this. I really think there are only three reasons ever to have sex; 1. For procreation, 2. For creating/strengthening a bond, and 3. For pleasure As of yet I've not really had any more reason than #3 to have sex (nor opportunity, do mind), and I'm not sure that's enough reason to lose my chance at wizardry powers. I'm not opposed to sex for pleasure, but I don't think it's a good habit to develop, atleast for me.

>>8547 Just turned to wizard last month. I can attest of the powers that were granted to me.

>>8547 it's wrong to think people who have many sexual partners just want sex because it feels good. If all you want is physical pleasure you can masturbate or take drugs. Sex almost always comes with emotional attachment. Even if it's a one-night stand. Some people ignore it(which is deeply unhealthy) but it's still there. The only exceptions are orgies and sex for money. Some people are able to form many deep emotional bonds at once, and some people require many deep emotional bonds. In my experience those people tend to be unstable messes, but it's who they are.

>>5700 This can be really good advice. But it does need to be understood that it can be extremely (possibly unfeasibly) difficult for some people to cull these desires out (assuming OP's not wanting some imaginary idea, but rather companionship in the only way that he's familiar with it, which is this intangible thing you describe). >There is many things to be sad or distressed about and this is not one of them I disagree. A relationship is a common expression of our biological purpose- which is so deeply ingrained into us since what we might as well consider the beginning

>>5700 i used to be like this until I had a gf. Now whenever I go to bed and there's nobody there to cuddle it feels like a great wrong that must be unwronged.

>>8549 >it's wrong to think people who have many sexual partners I (this >>8547 poster) agree. I didn't mean to imply that this applies to polyamory or those who have frequent sex. >Sex almost always comes with emotional attachment. Even if it's a one-night stand This makes sense, actually. I'd not thought of that before.

>>5601 >>5739 >If anyone here have advice on how to simply meet new individuals or approach strangers A great thing can be to find something in common with them, an entrance. Once you have that you can bring it up, ask a question and feel how it goes. If they're receptive, and especially if they talk and question back, you're likely doing pretty well.

>>8549 That's the part I want but I can't get close to anyone. I must be awful

>>8003 Thanks for all the solid advice man. Sorry to hear about your story, but at least your experience may help someone not to end up in the same situation.

>>8177 Dump her immediately. Women that want to go "polyamorous" are just in their late 20s and felt like they never had a chance to "party it out" with jocks in their early 20s. She sees you as a trustworthy beta boy that is going to be a good caretaker when he gets older, but you obviously don't sexually satisfy her. Just finish the relationship. You two aren't really a match which manifests itself in her sexual unsatisfaction.

>>8686 actually she probably means what she said and not what your attributing to it based on cultural stereotypes and soykaf and your idea of what it means to be a man. its because its her first relationship, imagine your first relationship being your last, how are you gonna know if you made the right choice if you have nothing to compare it to. since we are making assumptions guys like you tend to be insecure about their masculinity and are worried of being labeled as whipped or whatever meaningless soykaf cause you care too much about peoples opinions.

>>8688 furthermore though you probably should dump her. The fact is you don't sound like you can handle her, your big on commitment shes not. personally I take her side on the matter, the idea of expecting someone to only love you is selfish and breeds dependence and neediness.

>>8686 she's in her early 20s, and if she's sexually unsatisfied she's doing a really good job of hiding it.

>>8689 Just as one shouldn't be judged for polyamory, another shouldn't be judged for monamory. They're both different expressions of our nature

>>8688 >imagine your first relationship being your last our parents did that and their divorce rates were much MUCH lower (can't find the source atm but there was some type of correlation with amount of relationships and divorces in your marriage) And I am in my first real relationship and I am thinking of marrying. Relationships go for a goal for marriage, not monkeying around. If she wants to monkey around and "have fun" then she doesn't love you or think you of long lasting partner >how are you gonna know if you made the right choice if you have nothing to compare it to You will know what love feels like when you find it. I found mine and I know what isn't love. She doesn't care about him. >guys like you tend to be insecure about their masculinity and are worried of being labeled as whipped or whatever meaningless soykaf cause you care too much about peoples opinions Not really, it's actually females who are much more socially "aware" than men. We care about our own set of values and rules, this masculinity you are talking about is our own set of values we think we should behave by. You can see this is evident because men are more likely to go into meaningless happy banter and teasing amongst each other than females are. We don't care what others think of us. Women do. >>8690 Yea, women are good at hiding their emotions when they need to. Or atleast we don't register them as easily. She is unsatisfied sexually, trust me.

>>8686 >Women that want to go "polyamorous" are just in their late 20s and felt like they never had a chance to "party it out" with jocks in their early 20s. Or maybe the Victorian Model of Monogamy is relatively new to the human experience and the Greek system is better, whereby "friend" implies "with benefits" and Marriage meant a devotion and union of housholds and shared responsibility more than "I lust you"; Ergo, one would not mind so much if their partner "went to see a play at the amphitheater with a friend" and ended up also having some cheap sex, since they'll be taking their spouse to an orgy later in the week, and they had their loins oiled by vixens instead of seeing the play. When marriage is a contract that "infidelity" or sex has little bearing on the children don't have to be split up just because someone acts on the "monkey mating instinct". The "7 year itch" is interesting, as 7 years is about the age a child can somewhat fend for itself while the parent is doing something like foraging -- it can be taught of dangers to avoid and two parents are no longer essential for survival of the offspring. The male reproductive strategy of mammals is to sire the most offspring to ensure their genes survive. The female reproductive strategy is to select the highest quality mate. This is due to the female having a huge investment in sex/fertilization (pregnancy, risk of life, reduced mobility, increased resource consumption) vs male having little investment (a spoonful of semen which they have in near limitless supply). The monogamous model of marriage ushered in during the Victorian model and suppression of "pagan" customs by Christianity is not in line with our instincts to preserve our genes. However, society is still propped up by said Victorian-era customs. There will naturally be growing pangs as we experience a return to a society accepting of marriage being a legal & honor binding agreement for benefit of parenting and political goals (rather than marriage currently being a flimsy social construct requiring a high emotional maintenance and depending on the whimsy of lust). Some people are simply ahead of the curve. That said, she may well be frustrated that her primal desires were not sated when she was younger. That there is no outlet for her which does not stress your relationship is a product of both your religiously influenced brainwashing and genuine biologically reinforced drive to protect and devote yourself to her during at least the first 7-10 years of your relationship. Perhaps consider a compromise: Together pick out partners to have threesomes with? Perhaps join a Swinger's club where it is understood there's no chance of lasting relationship forming, everyone there knows the sex is just for fun, and they'll still be devoted to and loved by their wife / husband in the morning. P.S. The Greeks had at least 7 different words for love. It's not by accident that the English (anguish-language) has but one word for love. Orwell et. al. tried to warn you about the ramifications of such reduction in expressiveness.

>>8695 >our parents did that and their divorce rates were much MUCH lower divorce was also much MUCH harder to get. Also neither of my parents did that and they're in a stable marriage. >And I am in my first real relationship and I am thinking of marrying. you're in your first relationship and you're trying to tell a seasoned veteran that his girlfriend isn't a keeper? >We don't care what others think of us. Women do. I care what others think of me. Maybe you're just socially unaware. >She is unsatisfied sexually, trust me. yeahhh, I don't think I will. >>8696 >The monogamous model of marriage ushered in during the Victorian model and suppression of "pagan" customs by Christianity is not in line with our instincts to preserve our genes. hear hear. Humans need close communities and free love, not this atomized soykaf we have now. I'm all for polyamory, it's very clearly the best way to run society, and jealousy ain't my thing. But in my particular case I'm hesitant. It's really just because I'm insecure and don't want to lose what I have. I see this now. The solution is to stop being so reliant on that one link. She's been sending me mixed signals all summer, and I've been slowly coming out of my shell with some others. I don't think any advice from lainons would be taking the whole situation into account, and honestly I don't think there's anything to do until she gets back. Thanks guys.

>>8696 >Or maybe the Victorian Model of Monogamy is relatively new to the human experience No its not, cultures and faith's which enforce/encourage monogamy have been around for thousands if not tens of thousands of years. In cases where it wasn't purely monogamous, women were concubines/second wives. It's hard to make and keep a tribe of warriors if you're going to make each and every one of them a third wheel or give them sloppy seconds. And passing women around between multiple partner's messes up their heads. There's never been a well adjusted porn star in retirement with a happy life. >and the Greek system is better, whereby "friend" implies "with benefits" The Greek's did not encourage promiscuous sex for the purpose of having it. Every reference to it states what went wrong when it happened. Zeus fuarrrked some whore, Hera tries to kill the child and the woman in question for being a slut. Not to mention rampant vd and other things. Stop projecting today's morals on the past. Christianity walked the world out of the land of Pater Familias where women were considered literal property to be thrown around like livestock, and at times moved up to family dog. A crime against a woman under that system was considered a crime against the man of her family. Not her, and if you dig around every culture with some exceptions had something similar if not identical to that. The Victorian Model's only failure was that with industrialization and mechanization taking away more duties in the home, and humanism plus factory labor giving women more agency in social matters the previous balance was destroyed. >Perhaps join a Swinger's club where it is understood there's no chance of lasting relationship forming, everyone there knows the sex is just for fun, and they'll still be devoted to and loved by their wife / husband in the morning. >>8177 I hope you don't listen to this pervert. >>8686 is giving you the better advice. If you let her fuarrrk around in a swinger's club you'll get some form of vd or she'll just turn into a whore and leave you. Don't be a literal cu ck lain, you'll regret it.

>>8701 I wonder what it's like to have such a simplistic view of interpersonal relationships

>>8701 >>8702 ...and history. Greece, Judea, and Rome are not the entirety of pre-Christian civilization, and Christianity has a very long convoluted history and is more of a syncretism of Roman, Germanic, and Jewish religion/culture. Most countries, even different provinces, have different ideas of what sex means and how it should be practiced, which is independent of what the church or other social authorities have to say. Peasants are gonna live how peasants are gonna live. This idea that only recently are the monogamous edicts of the Christian church being ignored is, quite frankly, silly. Plus, thousands or tens of thousands of years is still pretty small compared to the entire existence of the human race. This whole "civilization" thing is pretty new to our ape-minds. Never mind that you could write a 1000 page book about historical sexuality and not get to all of it. >And passing women around between multiple partner's messes up their heads. "passing women around" is not at all the only alternative to monogamy, nor is it what is being proposed. Frankly I think you're wrapping up a fundamentally repressed viewpoint in this language of "taking care of women".

>>8702 It's a painful life actually. One of my anxieties is how the hell are my relationships are supposed to work. Like do I just get a girlfriend and just explain that I'd rather have each other sleeping with other people? But that makes me controlling. Okay, I can see that, people have agency I should respect that. Or do I just allow her to do whatever she wants even if my feelings are hurt? Both sound terrible!

>>8704 I mean rather not...

>>8704 if you're uncomfortable with her sleeping with other people you should tell her and talk it out. Communication is foundational to any relationship. You shouldn't just not talk about things that bother you.

>>8706 >You shouldn't just not talk about things that bother you. Sometimes I wonder if this is really the source of my own problems, not just with women, but in life in general.

>>8705 also, quick note, it's usually best to define the relationship early. If you have no clear, agreed-upon idea of what exactly you're *doing* you will develop different ideas about it and stuff will break further down the line. I've made the mistake before of deciding not to define relationships, and it requires lots of fixing or it just doesn't work after a while.

>>8699 >divorce was also much MUCH harder to get. Point being is that they needed to make things work so they did. They talked it out and worked it out. Today you can order a new relationship with a phone swipe. People don't really care about each other when thry know price charming can be right around the corner that is 10 times better than last chump. >trying to tell a seasoned veteran that his girlfriend isn't a keeper? >neurosuggesting your dicking around is honorable or should be praised Your veteran status should only be laughed at, that's all. I made my relationship work from acquaintance to friend to girlfriend. I didn't just jump on first vagina and try to make things work or hope for the best. >Maybe you're just socially unaware Maybe. I think that is for the better. I care however if a close friend tells me in privacy about some of my flaws or things like that. The "masculinity" you are talking about and how strangers and nobodys see me I don't care about. >>8696 >Or maybe the Victorian Model of Monogamy is relatively new to the human experience and the Greek system is better Whether one system is better or not isn't really my beef. We live in monogamous culture of today. Polyamory/polygamy isn't compatable with societal values of monogamous culture we live in today. People have expectations and unless you tell to the person about polyamory or polygamy before the relationship then things can only go downvards.

>>8696 I don't know what you've read, but the Greeks did not have regular orgies or let their wives sleep around. They were, for all intents and purposes, a monogamous civilisation where the sexuality of women was controlled. The Spartans did practice a form of wife sharing - for which they were ridiculed by other cities - but it was a highly culturalised practice whereby an older man might grant his wife to a warrior who distinguished himself. It should also be noted that it was an aristocratic perversion, Sparta had a rigid caste system, and there's no evidence for this anywhere but the top. Pederasty is similar in Athens and Thebes. I suspect your view might actually come from Plato's Republic where the soldier class live in communes and have something akin to free love. However that is fiction, not a historical account.

Is it possible that past trauma could affect sexuality? As far as I remember, I've been attracted to girls, my first experience of love as an intense feeling was in grade school, and it genuinely felt amazing. I didn't do anything with that, just being close that particular person or looking at her was enough. I didn't know her well either, most of the times I based her character on assumptions to suit my point of view. Then the middle school started, one of the worst periods of my life. I lost my will to live, learn, people were scaring me wherever I went, girls at school were laughing at me for no reason (maybe they had one, who knows), even abusing me sexually like kicking me in the balls or ganging up 5 or 6 of them, asking uncomfortable questions, or simply mocking. Home wasn't any better, my father drank like crazy basically all my life, but then he was freaking out whenever he saw me. I remember him not screaming only when he was asleep, and all of that just made me wonder why he was acting like this. Answer popped up years after that, and it turned out that he was fuarrrking moron believing what other stupid fuarrrks like him he was hanging with were saying, and they were saying that I was near this "dumb age" when the only thing that could turn me normal again was beating, screaming and treating like garbage 24/7. One of his concerns was that I wasn't "man" enough. This continued through the high school, I was too afraid to defense myself, by that time I was also complete internet recluse living on imageboards. And at that moment, it happened for the first time. I saw a boy, by whom I was infatuated. He looked very feminine, androgynous I may say. But apparently with no intention of doing that, he was normal high schooler, I'm sure he was straight too. I talked to him maybe 5 times through my education there, but what I really loved was looking at him. And now, after one failed college just about to start second year in another, I don't know what to do. I'm not homosexual, nor even fully heterosexual. Feminine girls aren't affecting me anymore. I could firmly state that I cannot see femininity as a beauty. Being gay gives me no pleasure or fulfillment, and from my experience they are one of the most difficult people to be with. I tried, and it all ended with suicide threats after 2 weeks. And we were just talking, I can't even imagine a sexual intercourse. Most ideally I would aim at masculine type of girl, some kind of tomboy, but genuine one, not just girl shaved bald dressed like background goon from Mad Max. I talked with some girls, and all of them were getting angry when I said this. >How can you discard feminine side of a woman? If you told me you didn't like boobs I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe you should stick to dating guys. Yesterday I thought that this problem maybe a coping mechanism for some of my past traumas, so what do you think?

>>8713 >Point being is that they needed to make things work so they did Yeah, no, there were and are a lot of broken marriages that should just be ended. There's a reason so many women were addicted to painkillers or prone to hysteria. >I made my relationship work from acquaintance to friend to girlfriend. I didn't just jump on first vagina and try to make things work or hope for the best. So did I? Why are you so sure about the particulars of my life?

>>8729 >a lot of broken marriages that should just be ended lot less than there are now? seen the divorce stats lately? >were addicted to painkillers or prone to hysteria stats and also painkiller addiction isn't 70s or 80s shtick, its literally 21st century invention. Doctors back then didn't even prescribe painkillers when you were in deep deep pain because of scared medical service people. >Why are you so sure about the particulars of my life? because bitches that usually brag about being pussy veterans do soykaf like that so you're either lying now or lying then, or just baiting me for a ride. I don't really care, I made my point.

>>8731 Uh... different Lain, but how do you avoid "jumping on the first vagina"? Do I just have a fling with no strings? Should I just be super selective?

>>8734 Talking to people isn't something you should be put in jail of or should you think that it leads to somewhere and therefore you get nervous or she gets a really bad vibe and doesn't like you. Talking to people isn't a crime or something wrong. >super selective Have your own "you". Don't fall for every romantic story and don't fall for first girl that looks at you as something more than just friend. I ghosted few women that were obvious thots on the surface but tried acting really cutesy around me because they thought I would like it. I hate thots, I hate tattoos, I hate loud women. That is not for me. Not super selective but I know what I don't like. I mean, I can talk to people just I go into talking without expectations.

>>8731 >seen the divorce stats lately? yeah, divorce is no longer as hard to get or as socially frowned upon. Hence, more marriages that should end, do end. Not hard to figure this out sherlock. >and also painkiller addiction isn't 70s or 80s shtick, its literally 21st century invention. you're right, it's more of a 50s or 60s thing. Opiates were sold OTC as painkillers and antidepressants in the 1800s, as were barbituates and tranquilizers later. >because bitches that usually brag about being pussy veterans "pussy veteran" what the fuarrrk are you talking about. I'm saying I've been in multiple relationships. I'm not gonna take life "advice" from someone who thinks you're either a manwhore or married. >I made my point. point being what? That you know everything about me? fuarrrk off.

>>8735 Why do I feel like I'm talking to a Lain with ESP? You seemingly sensed the fact that I get nervous really fast with women because I feel like I'll annoy her or she might get the wrong idea. I guess I should just start talking to people, tired of being lonely. People don't hate me when I do talk to them, so that's a good sign I guess.

>>8719 > unquestioning regurgitation of academia's rubbish about Grecko-Roman culture. Sorry to be condescending. Thanks for your concern. You seem to care about history somewhat, so here goes a quick primer to explain our difference in understanding. Greeks colonized the USA prior to the cataclysm. https://www.nytimes.com/1985/06/25/science/underwater-exploring-is-derezzed-in-brazil.html Later, colonialists from Europe explained the occurance of "white women" among the native "Indians" purely as a result of kidnapping, while ignoring that the continent had been destroyed by a cataclysmic disaster and previously was home to a multi-cultural trans-Atlantic federation who lived according to what has been dubbed a "Greek System"; Therein all forms of relationships existed, but polyamory was more prevalent than "monogamy"; and marriage was a legal contract. You know about Concubines, eh? What I've been reading is the records of the multicultural Greek society that spanned the Atlantic ocean... What you've been reading is government propaganda that reinforces their bogus narrative of legitimacy. If you want to read about Greek culture, I suggest you look into the highly questionable primary sources for the narrative you've adopted. Bring your knowledge of "Arabic" script and proto-Hebraic since academia wrongly attributes all "Arabic" writing to Arabia, when the script was actually an antediluvian (pre-cataclysm) language. This is why academia claims that some more recently discovered "Greek" writings only exist as "Arabic Translations": To deny the fact that the script was broadly used all across the world, and wasn't invented by Arabs. 3rd pic related: Roger of Sicily's Coronation Mantle with "Arabic" script. Many other artifacts including Holy Christian Swords & Helmets of kings are adorned with "Arabic" script AND Cyrillic or Roman script. The academic explanation is that these Kings didn't recognize the writing of their sworn mortal enemies and thought the script was a floral pattern added by the Islamic craftsmen. > [current year] > Not questioning the obviously bogus academic version of history. Ne? Lain, you've got a brain; Use it. Modern academia ignores the fact that can't explain why the Zuni tribe in the United States speaks Japanese, and shares prevalence of a rare genetic disorder with the Japanese... It's because Japan was part of the Greek System AKA "Roman" federation which (re)colonized the "New World" prior to the latest cataclysm. Clean your BS detector, it's clogged. Here's a good place to start debunking what you have read of the "Greeks" with cold hard evidence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpRP4xNIWbs Once you've woken up to the deception that's been going on since the book burnings and rewriting of history during "The Reformation", and realize that academia still supports that false historical narrative created by religious extremists... then we can start talking about the specifics of the Greek System of culture. Nowadays academia's scholars have been made to admit that Roman Empire was not an empire. They're not yet admitting that the "Roman Style" or "Greek Architecture" was just a popular architectural style of a world-spanning "lost" civilization. 1st Pic related: Greek / "Roman" aqueducts in Brazil. Official academic explanation is that colonialists loved the savages they were slaughtering so much they built them Roman Aqueducts, and then never used them after the natives were dead. Also, I have some ocean front property in the Gobi Desert you should invest in, if your BS detector didn't go off. Once you dismiss the propaganda in academia you can begin to understand the history of polygamy and monogamy in our recent and ancient past. I'd suggest you attempt verifying scholarship based on artifacts, such as 2nd pic related pre-Colimbian Roman/Greek Bust found in undisturbed soil beneath 3 stone floors in a Mexican Temple. Most such artifacts are secreted away before the public finds out. Then non-government researchers are derezzed from further exploration (like Brazil derezzed underwater exploration and dumped sand on those Roman shipwrecks). Motivation? You see, the truth about our history destroys the claims of legitimacy governments currently have to the lands they now illegally occupy.

>>8738 >https://www.nytimes.com/1985/06/25/science/underwater-exploring-is-derezzed-in-brazil.html > derezzed Archived version to bypass "b4nn3d" filter: http://archive.is/PWFku

I have a date in a little while. Wish me luck lain.

this song is too relateable

>>9622 Went well. Have another planned soon.

25, never had any kind of relationship. Now I'm out of college and honestly don't know what to do, it's basically constant despair with no skills at all (was forced onto drugs that killed libido until I graduated college, so never practiced).

>>9626 You sound like you need some sexual healing.

>>9627 I'm sure that would be great, but alas it appears impossible for me to find it, as a person struggling to find a job to get out of their parents house while battling mental illness.