Escaping from Reality

Recently I've capitulated to what amounts to a fairly pitiful state. I used to give a damn about the world, I tried to live to a standard which I found ethical. To live mindfully, to constantly be learning, but as of recent, have reverted to finding solace in what isn't real. Playing a lot of video games, finding solace in acquiring material possessions, being overly concerned with aesthetics and more. I feel like I've just become jaded. The world is just so out of my influence, as a result, I feel tempted to bow into a consumer lifestyle. What keeps you going lain? What makes you want to resist?

I just believe that there is more to live then living and intend to play my cards the best way i can. I enjoy the little pleasures in life, but to me they are just means to remain aware that i am alive and should pursue clarity and meaning in this confusing place. I know that the so called real world isnt so real at all really and i see it everywhere and feel it, endulging in the normal life would not suffice for me.

>>3667 My desire for a world built in my image, for a span of time and space that is truly my own keeps me going. The world as it is is filled with others who have taken or been given power, influence, resources, ect. So I must resist their power, their scenario in favor of my own. I seek immortality, and power, so that I may create for myself a world as I choose, according to my scenario. I suppose, the truth of the matter is, that I live for my god complex. "Pain is weakness leaving the body" I suppose emotional, psychological, and physical suffering are all the same in that respect. I suffer, more than some, less than others, but ultimately to become stronger, to strive toward that dream I have made for myself.

basically everything >>3695 said Unfortunately, i have great aspirations and no tangible way of achieving my dreams. as a result, its like a perpetual existence in between watching the world go by around me, and striving to make myself a better person. If you have ever played any games like counter strike with a spectator mode, thats basically how I live my life. although i am somewhat involved in the everyday happenings in life, i have a greater perception of what is going on around me, and because of my detachment form society, i can move among the players without causing as much as a stir. not that it amounts to anything other than observing in the hopes of gaining insight into the world until i become capable of going for my dreams (financially and physically)

I always imagine being rich. I have had a lot of financial problems in my life. I'm pretty anti-consumerism and always say that all you need is something to eat and a place to sleep. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm looking for luxury cars online. Reading about 60 million dollar private Jets and imagine owning one. I feel like the imagination of those things take a lot of my time. I have less than 500 dollar in my bank account right now. But in my mind I'm a billionaire.

>>3667 I was in a vaguely similar situation, especially about feeling that the world was outside of my influence - but still a world of misery I was doomed to live in. I turned it around by setting different ideals - something along the lines of "If I have to live in a soykafty world that I cannot do anything about, then at the very least I'll try to not be as soykafty myself". The one single thing you have the most direct and strongest impact on in the end, is yourself. That's what keeps me going. I've stopped caring about changing others or fitting in, I just want to die knowing I tried to be the best human I could with what I had. It's a sort of middle ground in which I turned my jaded view on the world into a driving strenght to make myself as a person contrast from it. Ofcourse it's not all good either, as a result I have became extremely self centered and somewhat of a marginal - I am also lonely because I cannot relate with those who gave up nor can I relate with those who live a normal and complacent life. But that's where I stand, what keeps me going and makes me resist. Don't bend, OP, ascend.

>>3698 Well you chose the right picture for your post

>>3667 > What makes you want to resist? It makes me feel better about myself to act in a way I consider to go against all of the things I dislike in the world.

>>3756 Thats the goal. I dont know if you use snapchat, most people do but I know this boards a little different. Their public stories constantly bombard you with food, clothes, and things you never will be able to buy or afford, yet you cant stop watching. You sit there hungry while it tells you about the top 10 places to have 50$ over the top ice cream cones, or some new shoes that are over 1000$. the simple life is nice, but so is friends and a agenda is being pushed and always has to spend money and flex to show your important and worth peoples time. you can be a fuarrrking nobody but if you dress rich or hang some expensive paintings in your house to somebody not as keen or at first glance suddenly you seem important.

LUST by Kendrick Lamar to be honest. I know that sounds stupid and its not exactly true but music is more powerful than words and anything I could express about why I fight against that lifestyle is expressed in that song better.

>>3868 >sage this is the wrongest ive ever gotten it

>>3698 You sound a lot like me. Particularly the last paragraph. Re: OP's point, the sickness of the world becomes a lot more bearable if you consider that the worse things are, the more you stand to gain from overcoming them. Contentedness is completely relative to your present situation, so trying to "live a happy life" is just chasing your tail. I don't think happiness is particularly important, and I try not to care too much about my own happiness in the moment. Focusing on it tends to create the kind of "consumer lifestyle" you're worried about.

>>3667 >>3853 This. I had/have struggled with it too OP. Instead of adding to the soykafpile strive to be a better individual. You can influence the world more than you think. Relationship advice to a friend could become the cause of the birth of a baby continuing a bloodline even if its not your own. Or career advice could turn someones life around. Also there's nothing wrong with being self centered as long as you're aware of it and remembering to give back once you achieve stability. To answer your question though, the thing that keeps me going is a need to see more of the world before I die or it goes to complete soykaf. Not in a hedonistic way but so I can relate to more people. As connected as we are I think a huge problem is how disconnected we've really become from the human experience. Earlier this year I took a short trip that knocked me out of a similar funk. It's amazing what just changing your surroundings can do for your mind, even if temporarily. So OP my advice as cliche as it is would be to use travel as a tool to maybe motivate yourself. Shake up your routine and come back with hopefully a new state of mind.