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Hey Lainons. Do you see yourself as happy? If not, how come? Have to considered or try to change it? I use to be depressed and think about suicide weekly. My upbringing was awful, my hygiene and social skills were non-existent, my teeth were distorted and made me have zero self confidence. My parents divorced at an early age which even today still feels like I can't feel true affection and care for myself when people show it to me. I attempted to strangle myself a year ago until I opened up my way of thinking and tried multiple psychedelics with a close friend. Afterwards I felt a different connection with my friends and strangers I see everyday. Afterwards I opened up a few books on different philosophies, where I now stand with Buddhism. We're all in this world together, so why divide and judge so critically? What's stopping you from feeling happy? Would it be too pretentious of me to say that you're simply not grateful for what you have in your life currently because of your ego? Ego in the sense of trying to bring yourself to a higher point in which you can't get to because maybe you put the blame on your co-workers, family or social environment. Maybe you compare yourself to people too much, which brings a lack of confidence. Possibly you view the world in a strict material sense, convincing yourself money equals wealth. Or maybe you don't appreciate the little things you've completed on the way on this journey we call life. Life is an open canvas and nothing is stopping you from changing yourself now or changing the life of somebody else for the better today, right now. So Lainons, are you happy with yourself? if not, have you actually tried changing yourself, or do you just claim to have done so without all your might?

>>1473 I don't have any friends. Didn't have any of them growing up like from elementary school to when I was going to uni

>>1473 >i read The Psychedelic Experience and smoked a whole LSD and now I'm Buddha; come bask in my wisdom. >did you ever maybe it's your own fault you're not happy? fuarrrk off. t. Major Depressive Disorder

>>1610 Still your own fault in my eyes. That defeatist attitude won't get you anywhere. A lot of times people like to soykaf on the idea of changing your attitude, but it's legit. People just get upset that they can't act like nothing is their fault. What happens in the world isn't your fault, how you react to it is. Don't bring up soykaf about "brain chemicals". Of course your brain is going to look different when you get sad and wallow in it forever. When you accept defeat, when you lie down and let the world run you the fuarrrk over. Nobody will feel sorry for you, myself included. You should fight what the world pushes onto you, even if it is only out of spite. If you truly want to live, then live. Force it. Use pure grit. Tear through anything in your way. I know this won't get to you immediately, because you're stuck in that "it's hopeless, nothing is my fault and everything always goes wrong" phase, but maybe this will at least make you think about it. If you feel so depressed that you can't even change it, then I would seriously suggest suicide. Not even as an insult.

>>1612 Oh my god, dude. Just stop.

I'm not where I want to be and I have responsibilities and conditions I cant break free from. Change brings good but also bad. Even when the drugs work, the happiness is empty .

>>1613 Expected response. You're all the same when you're like this. You refuse to take responsibility for anything. It can't really be helped.

>>1612 >Just do it bruh >there is free will >mental illness doesn't exist Disgusting. Worst part is that I may have written something kind of similar about psychedelics a few years ago. The first step of psychedelic use is to feel like it can fix anything and has fixed you. Later, for me, I found that mindset often cannot overcome things on its own. I have been in the most empowered state before, but in the end, almost everything is not down to you. We are powerless beings like ants; the universe can give a horrible, miserable life by chance, and there can be no escape. We are simply swept around in the currents of an ocean of chaos.

>>1617 Then just end it already. Nobody will miss you. Mental illness literally does not exist, it's just a product of modern society and the pansies created by it. Also, lol at you comparing using psychedelics to "fix" your life to what I'm saying. Drugs are just a method of coping. Not fixing. Only the individual himself can do that.

>>1618 fuarrrk off dude, dont be an asshole.

>>1619 these teenagers won't learn unless you're an asshole to them. too sheltered.

>>1620 Even if that's true, the way you did it isn't the correct way to say it, and your toxicity isn't helping at all in this thread. You're free to have whatever opinion you want, but don't go telling people to kill themselves. Furthermore, mental illness was found way before this generation; it's an accepted science, and has been for decades. It's not something that can be debated, it's well-documented.

>>1621 The few people who are genuinely mentally ill are SEVERELY damaged people who are very clearly not well. Not some teenager on lainchan who can complain about his depresssioonnn boohoo. SOME mental illness is real, sure. Not what this kid has. Anyways, if they're going to kill themselves over something someone said online, they're better off dead, really. It's not going to help to baby them.

You sound very angry. Who or what made you that way? >Must berate suicidal people online >Must argue mental illness is fake so they can think they are mentally healthy

There are many reasons I am not happy: 1. I hate capitalism and esp. intellectual property bullsoykaf and made the mistake of training to be a software dev. now I'm faced with the reality that I have to spend my life selling my ideas to some jew corporation for food instead of working on my own projects. I have to actively make the world a worse place every day by creating proprietary soykaf so I can exist. 2. I don't like myself. When I was younger I was counted as very smart. Now I see myself as below average after years of not giving a soykaf. I'm not cool, nice to be around, very smart or interesting. I'm not attractive in the slightest. I'm not someone I admire or am proud to be. 3. I know for a fact I am destined to be alone. I am a kissless virgin and see no reason whatsoever why any girl would want to change that. This is not a sympathy post. I do not self-depricate for attention. I am just honest and realistic and state things exactly as they are. Its one of the things I do like about myself.

>they lack mental illness and should stop complaining >they're going to kill themselves Pick one. Why do I even need to point this out? Do I have to draw some venn diagrams so you'll get it?

I am happy but I used to be very depressed. I could go on a tirade about what I did and what changed but to sum it up having a real goal and working towards it was the main thing. bit of a meme quote but it is true I took every opertunity presented to me where my peers didn't and I am already reaping the rewards.

>>1624 1. Sometimes stepping on the little guy is necessary so we can get to a place where not only can we fix the damage we did but help many others. 2. Believe it or not you can fix all these things, except your intelligence and looks (mostly). But interesting people have never let this define them, you can't start tomorrow obviously and just be a whole new person. You probably don't see anything interesting or nice about yourself because you haven't tested yourself yet. You play it safe, interesting people aren't just inherently interesting they just put themselves in soykaf situations and shine. When you are ugly and interesting many people will hate you but a few people will really respect you, these people matter. Think of your ugliness as an advantage, much in the same way some of the best art is immediately disgusting to look at, but grows on you. You certainly aren't below average, even the dumbest person on this site is probably above average. This is true for any small niche community like this. Maybe you see yourself as below average as a defense mechanism? It means you can give up easier, i'm just not smart enough. 3. some idiot probably will, but to be honest you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself. this isn't some dumb stock advice even though people say it all the time. its honestly though a recipe for disaster, abuse, co dependent relationships. love is earned, don't see it as something to be expected and a societal norm every chad has and more as some nice goal you are working towards and things may get easier. Don't look at it like "I am unlovable" and look at it like "i am unlovable but I am working to be worthy of love". Or you could do what a lot of people do here and just decide you like being alone anyways. above all if you are in a soykaf i hate myself mood all the time people won't like you. people get angry at that and go all "so what am I supposed to do then? just pretend to be happy all the time?" as if it's the person saying its fault. However if you are as realistic as you say you are you know this to be true. Faking happiness doesn't work, but being less down does. Just remember the next time you are talking to someone, presenting something, in a social situation: if you look like soykaf or are a piece of soykaf there is nothing you can do about it in that moment so you might as well just chill out and stop worrying. The time to fix your soykaf isn't when you are facing social pressures and anxieties its when your alone and feeling comfortable. You kind of have yourself in a predicament here because your favorite thing about yourself is how you see things as they really are, but that means if you are seeing something wrong you won't want to admit it because it would mean falsifying the only thing you like about yourself left. And admitting you are wrong about something or that you messed up is the only way to move forward.

>>1622 the only reason you would be so angry about this is if you too were once like said posters and then overcame it. I doubt anonymous strangers had anything to do with you overcoming it. why tell them to kill themselves then, they aren't any different from you really. you just are being a jackass because you know better now. like making fun of a baby for soykafting itself.

>>1473 It's funny I more or less agree with you, I've had various depression and anxiety disorders for most of my life. They only really stopped when I tried to take a scientific approach to my depression. In the past I've tried just about everything, talk therapy, a variety of pills etc. I analyzed my moods and the patterns of my moods and I decided on a low dose of a fairly weak antidepressant to 'kick' me out of abject misery, with the resolution that when I had corrected the causes of my depression in my life (my unemployment and lack of goals) I would kick the medication. I've had a job for 5 months now, I've been off of my medication for 4. I'm doing much better than I ever had before. To a large degree kicking my depression was about the mindset, I started reading again, a lot. Starship Troopers and The Fountainhead helped a lot, I also took a gander at Meditations. Where I think you're wrong, I don't believe you can fight your depression solely by exerting your will against your depression, it's the same as exerting your will against a brick wall or a mountain. Some things just won't move. Instead I think you need to strike precisely, analyze the tactics of your enemy and strike again, until there's nothing left. >>1620 “I told you that 'juvenile delinquent' is a contradiction in terms. 'Delinquent' means 'failing in duty.' But duty is an adult virtue—indeed a juvenile becomes an adult when, and only when, he acquires a knowledge of duty and embraces it as dearer than the self-love he was born with. There never was, there cannot be a 'juvenile delinquent.' But for every juvenile criminal there are always one or more adult delinquents—people of mature years who either do not know their duty, or who, knowing it, fail.” You're on the right track, you can't just fuarrrk with people who need your help though.

>>1665 No, comments like mine helped me to come to terms with it myself, once I heard it enough times. If you want to die, then just die. There isn't any point in continuing life that way. It's the common sense that isn't so common. Being nice to people won't make them change for the better you're just enabling their soykafty behavior.

>>1669 Also, it's not like a baby soykafting itself. It's like a 6 year old soykafting itself. It needs to grow up.

>>1666 I like the way you see things.

>>1669 >I get all my self-improvement tips from 4chan! Beating people over the head with this /v/-style club is just going to backfire. Constantly belittling people will fill them up with stress and actually weaken their willpower, driving them not towards self-improvement but towards more distractions to numb the pain, or worse, deeper into depression. When someone is already part of your tribe, they MIGHT listen to you and be swayed by peer pressure. That's the "heard it enough times" you're talking about. So if you spend all of your free time on /fit/ then you will start feeling pressured to change your diet. Under all other circumstances it doesn't work for soykaf and your "go kill yourself then!" comments will make you look like a snot-nosed punk at the very best. The fact that you're spouting this stuff outside of a counter-strike server is bad enough yet you also have the gall to consider yourself wise and levelheaded, which frankly makes me want to throw up. If by some bizarre twist of fate you are actually serious about wanting to help anyone improve themselves, at all, and not just trying to kick down the sandcastle/dropping le ebin red pills wherever you go, then consider the following: the correct method to get someone to change themselves is to appeal to a sense of pride. Pride enhances willpower whereas stress will only whittle away what's left of it. This means saying: "imagine how proud you'll be when you succeed at x" instead of just acting like a cunt to anyone who dares show vulnerability on the internet. Read some psychology books if you don't believe me, and get the hell away from 4chan for a while.

I see myself as unhappy although I don't see much of a reason to be. I've just been struggling with major depressive disorder for a little over 10 years now, so even though I'm content with how my life is right now and only have reasonable hope for the future, I still think about killing myself daily and getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle I've lost more times than I'd like to admit. Depression is apparently a family curse of mine. Several of my aunts, uncles and cousins have killed themselves, my siblings have all attempted suicide, and both of my parents struggled with depression for a major portion of their life. What wonderful genetics. >>1612 >If you feel so depressed that you can't even change it, then I would seriously suggest suicide. Not even as an insult. I think that is the conclusion quite a few depressed people reach, as well. >>1624 >I have to spend my life selling my ideas to some jew corporation for food instead of working on my own projects. I have to actively make the world a worse place every day by creating proprietary soykaf so I can exist. Why not start a profitable project of your own, or go work for a corporation that you feel better about working for?

>>1664 Thanks for the long response. I should have pointed out when I said I have below average intelligence I wasn't talking about baseline ability like iq, I meant I haven't studied properly for years, got lazy and forgot a lot of basic information like high school level math. I'm desperately trying to rebuild foundations of knowledge from first principles like literally going back to the beginning of algebra to try to relearn stuff that children would know. >"but to be honest you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself" I've always seen this as a problem because if I like/love someone I never really see them as my equal. As an example most people would fanasize about being in a relationship with their celebrity crush. I fanasize about being their bodyguard because I just want to serve them and if needs be sacrifice myself for them. I would never feel worthy to be by their side as an equal. I can only imagine how unhealthy this sounds.

>>1686 >Why not start a profitable project of your own, or go work for a corporation that you feel better about working for? not them, but a) money doesn't interest me beyond the fact that I need it b) the competition for 'good' jobs is pretty fuarrrking tight.

>>1688 oh, and c) risk is a bad thing

>>1687 it sounds pretty unhealthy but not unfamiliar. i'm the same way, which is why even though I struggle to follow it myself I know the love yourself thing first has some truth to it. For me and you might feel the same way, if I ever was with somebody who was my "equal" i'd hate them. I enjoy being with somebody far better than me in my eyes, not only as you say because I like to serve but also because I feel like I can learn a lot from them as a person. But I think you can accomplish this while still loving yourself. However I was in a relationship where I had this attitude and also was an insecure mess, and she wasn't perfect I just saw her like that. I have a tendency to bring out the worst in people, something I usually see as me bringing out the best in them. In this case I brought out her violent abusive side, and because I believed her to be perfect and everything I wanted to be in life she could easily convince me to do just about anything by saying that it was normal or accusing me of not trusting her. At the time I saw nothing wrong with it, it was like my fantasy. Those feelings turned sour though when she split, and I was left having no idea what to do with my life. As a result of my insecurities she was all I thought I had, I would have probably killed myself if she asked me too. I nearly did in fact after she was gone. its no way to live. you may like these ideas because they are a part of you and comfortable. in my case my twisted idea of what love was supposed to be was comfortable to me,ridding myself of it meant getting rid of what i felt was a good chunk of me.

>>1687 I'm doing a little bit of the same thing, relearning everything right from the basics as far as math goes and tbh it's really exciting for me and I feel like that as I relearn all the math stuff I'm going to get better at everything else too. keep working on it, you'll be surprised at how far you've come in no time!!!

I try real hard to be content with my life. But for some reason i always get reminded of how pathetic and meager it is. Every day is a constant struggle with depression, i find myself nearly unable to do even basic things. Right now im low energy and things happen in my life. I just live according to fake it till you make it and go with the flow, see where it takes me.

>What's stopping you from feeling happy? Would it be too pretentious of me to say that you're simply not grateful for what you have in your life currently because of your ego? Slow down there for a second, I'm sure it's not what you meant but I feel the need to specify. If someone has clinical depression, they are suffering from an illness which is outside of their control, you don't get depression because you are ungrateful the same way you don't get diabetes because you didn't appreciate your insulin enough.

Wow. OP here. I haven't posted itt or viewed it in ages. Anyone who posted as of right now wasn't me. >>1610 ">i read The Psychedelic Experience and smoked a whole LSD and now I'm Buddha; come bask in my wisdom. >did you ever maybe it's your own fault you're not happy? fuarrrk off. t. Major Depressive Disorder" You're looking at what I said with a concrete face. More so "Did you think your actions brought you where you are to your unhappiness? Do you think if you personally did things differently you'd be in a better place?" Nobody claimed I was Buddha, maybe I indirectly offended you and I'm sorry for that, but resorting to name calling and mocking is low. It's just that the realization I came across is that most of what you do that has a negative impact on you now, whether poor social skills, thought loops, even things you may question out of your control like how stable your family is could be directly or indirectly you're fault whether you're willing to accept it or not. Accepting things as your own doing gave me a better grasp as to how to live. Thinking more critically of every action and sentence, thinking how I emotionally feel in the moment, why I feel that way and how it can affect the future, along with the way I talk to people to bring the most positive outcome to any given situation is how I try to live instead of living in a victimizing mindset, pointing fingers and blaming others for my wrongdoing as I have many years ago. >>1612 A little pretentious, but this lainanon gets some grasp as to how I view things. Nobody will feel sorry for you, accept, adapt, and overcome. Overcoming doesn't mean doing it alone. People do have major disorders from abuse, genetics or whatever the case may be, the first step is finding somebody professional to talk to about it. As I mentioned, adapt and overcome. >>1617 >We are powerless beings like ants; the universe can give a horrible, miserable life by chance, and there can be no escape. We are simply swept around in the currents of an ocean of chaos. It's true that fate isn't given to us equally. It's true others are given disgusting living conditions while others are living comfortably. But all of us being ants as you say, is that really something awful? Knowing that you're existence here is simply to repopulate and enjoy yourself while doing so, whatever you may love doing? Why would you wish for a more complicated or abstract reason? From the way I see it, there is no real purpose in life, there's not one factual state in which life is given whether "life is terrible" or "life is amazing". It's all just how you view your canvas. To me that simplicity makes life much more beautiful in itself than any "reason" to life or one to escape such reality. >>1618 Pretty edgy. I don't think we need these kind of remarks here from you. I do agree though that drugs can be a method of coping, but can also teach you alot about yourself. >>1624 Hey, good on you for at least being brutally honest with yourself whether or not it may or may not be true. I'm sure there are some aspects you're way more interesting to talk to than I am. There's someone for everyone and I ask of you to not give up. I've seen non-existent personalities grow to become amazing things with the help of just one friend, eventually branching into a relationship. Do you do any hobbies? Why not explore and try something new and exciting, like skiing, paintball or mechanics? I wish you luck as there's little I can do to help motivate you online I feel. >>1663 I attempted suicide once and had constant thought loops of doing so. Bruce Lee is superb role model and I'm glad you're happy now lainanon! >>1623 I'm not angry, mental illness is a real issue, I don't berate suicidal people as I once was one myself. >>1993 You're right, my wording was vague, and thanks for the calm criticism. Illnesses is one of the major things I didn't mean to tread on so aggressively as many people itt seen. What I meant was in the sense as maybe you grew up with little friends, maybe you're lacking the social skills you've been almost required to grow through years of school. Why fear rejection so much to which it cripples you to learn more about yourself and how your mind works? For example tomorrow I'm going to a party alone since all my friends couldn't make it. I'm pushing past my boundaries and the fear of "awkwardness" to maybe make a few new friends, the worst that could happen is very minuscule on the larger scale of things going on in my life, so why care so harshly? All emotions whether positive or not come and go for my life, so I see no purpose to cling to feelings of regret. (Having a major mental illness is a different story, as it is neurologically out of your control.)

>>1612 > Don't bring up soykaf about "brain chemicals". Don't bring up anti-science arguments on Lainchan :) Mood disorders are a real thing that can be treated but if you believe you can just think your way out of one you're wrong.

I was diagnosed as depressed and "thought my way out of it". I still have ups and downs I just accept the downs will pass. Thus the downs seem less serious and therfore im less depressed than I was. You can't think your way out of a depression sure, but you can think around it. I suppose if you believe we know everything about the brain and its entirely chemical reactions nothing will change as you become a slave to this idea. Even when it's not the case I chose to believe everything I do is my fault and my responsibility. Rather than this making me feel down it gives me hope things can always change. It also causes me to put more effort into everything I do rather than just wallow and cry. In relation to this I also learned to be self critical but not demeaning or put myself down. Because my experiences are all I know I believe someone with depression can live a somewhat normal life without any medication. I'm sure i'm handicapping myself somewhat by not taking the medication but I like a challenge so who cares.

>>2253 fuarrrk yeah lainanon, wasted right now from said party I mentioned in my post eariler, but this, yes You've got the same sort of mindset I do, I'm proud of you lainanon, and thanks for describing it more clearer than I have!

>>2253 >>2255 I also share this mindset. You can't "think away" the bad feelings, but you can understand they will pass and that you've just got to endure it while it lasts, like a headache. >Because my experiences are all I know I believe someone with depression can live a somewhat normal life without any medication. I'm sure i'm handicapping myself somewhat by not taking the medication but I like a challenge so who cares. I agree. Another aspect causing my relunctance towards medication is that if it ever becomes unavailable to me, the depression will likely be much worse when coming off the meds. I've had a couple of friends kill themselves when they couldn't afford their anti-depressants because of the "withdrawal" so to speak.

Mood disorders = being a girl

>>2260 > the earth is flat and was created in six days

>>2260 >Mood disorders = being a tranny fixed. depression is for women you sad fuccs

>>1612 >>1473 OH BOY, WHERE DO I START... Even though ones paradigm may be critical in looking at the world in a "happy" or "sad" format, it is important to note that everything is situationaly relative. "Good" and "Bad" experiences mean different things to many people, it's quite a bit more complicated than saying "why not just be happy" (just like saying "why just not be poor" is not the best answer to someone who lives in poverty") Although ones reaction to a situation is important, one must also assess the underlying situation from an external point of view. Nihilists and existentialists balance on the edge of happy and sad all the time, because they understand the futility of the universe. One can be at peace with the universe if one stops caring (some eastern philosophies) but one also losses motivation to do other things, because "there is no point" in doing things. I understand the angle of view that you have on life, believe me, but it is only one of many paradigms that one can adapt. Think of it like flight, you can have rocket power, propeller power, or balloon power to accomplish the goal, but each functions in a different format. If anything, I would call you naive to tell others to just be happy, though it may be the case, each will have to find happiness for himself in some form. Compassion is important biologically, but it is hard for human interaction through the wired. We have lost our sense of humanity because of technology. One thing that the military has taught me, is one of the most valuable lessons I think you can learn from. When you are deployed (or i guess even if you just travel to another country for a long period of time) you are not exposed to subtle changes. Over time, these changes build, people can feel obsolete for many reasons, lack of purpose (which is ingrained to be a foundation of societal involvement - hence the meme colloquialisms "wageslave/ wagec .uck") can be detrimental to ones ego. One can accept having no purpose and simply be at peace (or happy i guess) or one can struggle to become relevant, and gain the means for productive gain (happy for having stuff/ accomplishment). Each of these is difficult - one psychologically, and one physically, but the end result is the same - a state of bliss. There are some instances where >"it's hopeless, nothing is my fault and everything always goes wrong" is actually applicable. So much of your life can be affected by other people, one wrong tweet and you get targeted by an entire community "for the lulz," you life can be destroyed in an instant. Another example would be an anon, we shall call him carl, Carl has a job and can afford things that he wants and needs, but carl is lonely, he could allocate assets to finding a friend or mate, but in doing so, he would loose the carefully stored value that he has accumulated. This means that carl cannot find solace in the comfort of another without loosing confort brought to him by his financial safety net (i.e loosing the ability to get food/shelter/transportation if the need arises). its 6 of one, half dozen of the other. You focus on philosophy, but you see the world from only one angle. I'm not saying that that is a bad thing, as it seems to help you cope with the human condition, but you need to understand that others may not be so narrow minded. Also

>>1618 Sometimes I really wonder if this is just bait... Mentall illness is not fake, it is merely the social qualifiers and terms used to describe it that are shifted. the DSM is a very fluid manual... just becasue the time frame for sadness as a qualifier for depression gets shifted does not mean that more or fewer people become depressed, it means that what doctors, who are paid to prescribe medication, use as a metric to prescribe medication, changes the applicable criteria to prescribe medication. This is not some conspiracy, I know because I have studies it, and my family works in the mental health field. Its a combination of economics and a shift in societal values. The key takeaway here is out of 100 people, perhaps 10 ill not feel like getting up in the morning, based on specific scenarios, 5 could be "clinically depressed" or 35 could be. There is also difference in the way Asians, and other cultures exhibit the equivalent phenomenon known as depression (some physical, some emotional). Also look at the Rosenhahn experiment, I think it will help eplain the phenomenon you describe as "fake." In his experiments, he showed that doctors are likely to call all of your life happenings a result of an illness to solidify the belief that you have it, rather than call your illness just itself, or a product of your environment. The fallacy here is like saying the sun did not shine because you were depressed, not that you were depressed because all you wanted to do was see the sun and it wont stop raining.

I often feel sad despite my life is perfect. I have great parent, brother, sister, and friends. My friends always support me whatever soykaf happens. I also have good image in society. But still, I feel depressed over something non exist. Weird, huh. I always wanted to have perfect girlfriend. I spend 20 years of my life yet I never have gf at all. It's not that I'm not popular. In fact, there are couples of girl who confessed their love. I just feel that all of them not my perfect soulmate. I feel depressed to the point I even try to suicide.

>>2265 you might just be a homo. seriously.

>>2253 ye this. You can kill this beast on your own, without using meds that will just fuarrrk you up even more. ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE

>>2267 >ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE b-b-but what about science keeping the weak alive too?

I don't feel like I can be who I am anymore, I feel like a shell of myself. I'm afraid that if I would, people would start noticing and call me names. It's happened before and I think that's the reason why I don't do it. It makes me sad to think that I'll never be able to be myself again.

>>2306 OP here Lately I've been feeling that way with work, though I view it as in it's not a me problem. Real me is very understanding, soft spoken and emotional. At work it's the kind of swagger tough guy environment. But to every problem there's a reasonable solution, and might as well explore my boundaries and see new things, set myself up for a new job soon.

>>2314 >Real me is very understanding, soft spoken and emotional >Real me is [Insert idolized self image here] kek, you sound like self absorbed asswipe tbh

>>2314 >We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be read fukken Mother Night ASAP if you think there's "real you"

>>2317 I don't see myself as how I feel like I wake up and pretend I am, I have friends which use those words to describe me so I use them myself. But thank you for your most valuable input I'll be sure to write that one down. >>2318 Never read it, but "real me" in not some spiritual sense, but the person I am to my good friends and general personality to people I admire, vs people at work.

i am perpetually bored by everything.

eh, not too happy anymore. I did the whole eat lots of acid and get into Buddgism thing for a while, but then gradually got addicted to opiates/benzos. Now i've managed to get off heroin and have been tapering off kratom for months. not really happy or depressed though, just tired of struggling

Happy? No, not at all, and I don't know how to change this. To grind? I guess, though I don't have a purpose, what's there to grind if there's nothing that I want to achieve? I have somewhat conflicting (or rather: apparently conflicting) perceptions of myself and I can't seem to make my mind or do anything to ease this problem. I am also afraid. There is so much wrong about my mindset and I can't seem to break out of my self imposed jails.

>>3308 Same. I feel like my entire life is just finding odd ways to amuse myself, while I wait for something dramatic to happen.

I think I am close to it, I have never been able to do what I would like to with my life but I am coming to accept that and accept my situation in general. In accepting this I can work towards making my life as good as possible for me.