avoidant personality disorder

Does anyone have any experience dealing with avoidant personality disorder? I came across randomly and looked it up and felt like it described me perfectly For the last couple months I've found myself avoiding people I previously spent my time with and just general human contact. But at the end of the day I feel depressed that I'm all alone. I don't know how to fix this.

What's the opposite called, when everyone else is avoiding ME?

You're definitely not alone. I avoid everyone. They end up hating me as a result, but I no longer care anymore. Pic unrelated.

>>58 being an outcast? >>59 It might just be where I am but I find the people I try to avoid the most are the ones that are overly friendly to me and it kinda makes me feel like a dick.

>>60 Who knows. I felt like an asshole as well but I realize people will eventually take the hint that I don't want to hang with them anymore. At this point I want to be alone even though it can be painful sometimes. Having friends is draining because they require your constant attention and get annoyed at the slightest things..

>>61 That's why I prefer a small group of close friends that I know well enough to not get annoyed at them or for them to get annoyed with me just hurts when that small group then gets broken up ;_;

>>63 I guess that makes sense

>>64 I can't take APD seriously because to me its just people to scared to socialize. Yes, there are autistic and mentally disabled who struggle to socialize due to said autism or mental retardation, but the rest of these guys who are perfectly normal and healthy who are too scared to say hello are just being pussies. Its neckbeardy even.

>>58 Body odor? >>65 Social anxiety is a thing. APD could just be an extreme case. A lot of mental disorders boil down to, "Is petrified by the thought of something other people do all the time without thinking about it."

>>66 Mental illnesses are a thing, but I really truly believe a lot of the people claiming to have them, namely ADP, are exaggerating. Social anxiety is very real, but lets be honest, how many people really have it?

>>67 "Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18% of the population. " Source: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/prevalence/any-anxiety-disorder-among-adults.shtml Now stop with the bullsoykaf of doubting people left and right. OP created a thread about a subject, either you have something to add to the conversation or you don't, you don't question the validity of his state of mind because you cannot prove anything about his state of mind, thus the only logical thing to do is accept it as true, since he created a thread. What you guys are doing is the equivalent of someone creating a web development thread, and the first thing you say is "Do you really like web development? Are you sure you're not a systems programmer?" Get your head out of your ass for a second.

>>68 Tiggered and butthurt. Perhaps not OP, but people too scared to so much as say hello to another person is just weak.(RULES 3 AND 4)

>>69 >3.Always argue in good faith and avoid using personal attacks. >4. You should always elaborate on your opinions rather than just spilling the soykaf.

>>57 >I don't know how to fix this. You don't. It's core of your personality, you're fuarrrked for life. Source: me, 28 yr avoidant. >>65 >>69 Your posts are craziness, you're mixing up AvPD and being "too scared to say hello", as if they were the same thing, and you are saying these are not serious problems. Being "too scared to say hello" is actually serious and is real anxiety, not to make fun of. AvPD, which is also a serious problem, has little do to with it, since avoidants are actually quite capable of faking social skills and having social interactions, their problem is that they feel they can't connect with others and want to be alone, while at a different time they feel the opposite. In any case, saying "you're just weak" is denying the existence of personalities disorders and shows you have little understanding of these matters.

Im in the same boat OP, It's getting so bad i'm doing college online completely next year; because, I'm tired of so many people being on campus. I would much rather doing homework and communicate online because it is much easier. I know people are not paying any attention to me, but I can't help but feel that everyone is looking at me or thinking about me.

>>65 Have you considered it's this perception of them that makes them want to avoid people; when everyone thinks that your some neckbeard loser that doesn't want to talk to you, you learn to avoid people to prevent being perceived that way.

/me raises hand My whole life i have been only trying to run and hide. Someone fuarrrking kill me.

>>78 >I know people are not paying any attention to me, but I can't help but feel that everyone is looking at me or thinking about me. Well, this looks like something you should work on. And isolating yourself doesn't look like a good solution.

>>57 >last couple months Force yourself before you need drugs to do something

All of these things used to describe me and I fixed a lot of them (am working on a few) by just being forced into uncomfortable situations. Sometimes i feel like all these personality disorder descriptions were just made to keep us down. Like they need people to fill these rolls so they tell us its a disorder and that its gonna be hard as fuarrrk to change, and for those of us easily discouraged like myself thats serious soykaf. Im not saying this isnt serious real soykaf just dont count yourself out Heres my real ass advice, it can be daunting to just be like "start talking to more people". So my advice is to start by talking to people you can be comfortable around that meet a lot of people and they will push you and make you meet others. That might be hard for a lot of you all still in HS and neets and soykaf with nobody at all but idk either wait for next year or semester if hs/college or start somewhere you feel comfortable. All of you are smart ass emotional people with a lot to offer and confident people actually like having someone like you to go back to. Your mind is fuarrrking hell so you ground people, not a lot shakes you you are way stronger than you think. I thought I had loads of problems in HS and I got to college and I realized im actually a god damn rock. How many people do you see that are impatient when your just fine waiting, get angry when you are calm, want to pick fights when you would let it slide by, get fired up over other peoples opinions when you can keep calm. You might overthink soykaf in your head but your outward demeanor, a lot of you probably dont show the emotions racing through your head because your fuarrrking strong. Honestly when was the last time you blew up at someone? Your heads probably exaggerate how bad you really are. Im drunk so I dont know how much im saying is just me being dramatic but I think a lot of people on this board are great and just tell themselves they cant; me included sometimes. If someone doesnt like you then fuarrrk it they werent worth it. And by who you are I dont mean a comp sci nerd or anime lover or image board goer or whatever the fuarrrk I mean how you react to things and what you like about people and how you express yourself. Thats what really matters. I wish I could take all of you and throw you to the wolves and youd fuarrrking kill those damn wolves and see how strong you really are. Go homeless if you have to, run away, just prove to yourself you arent a weakling your only enemy is yourself and thats pretty good. Most people have enemies all over the place.

>>91 I really doubt anybody on this imageboard could fight a wolf.

>>107 >I doubt anybody on this board could fight FTFY.

>>109 >I doubt anybody on this board FT'FTFY'FY

>>110 >I doubt everybody FT'FT'FTFY'FY'FY

>>109 >>110 >>111 This thread...

>>112 3meta5me

>>78 It's not like they're paying paying attention all the time but they're always aware of easy targets being around, from time to time they might take advantage of it. Usually someone will. Personal experience, whether I was the one getting soykaf or just watching from the sidelines as I was trying to blend in among normans, it just keeps happening- they can smell vulnerability or something. It's like school never really ends, people just get more confident in their bullsoykaf as they gain real life cred and grown up reasons to fuarrrk with losers. While both sides of that game feel horrible, withdrawing and hiding is like kicking dead whales down the beach too as it makes me desperate for the nice things, friendship and love (that I've never experienced so I have no idea what the fuarrrk I'm dreaming about) but going outside only reminds me how ugly people are and how they act when I'm not faking. A couple of times I kept pretending long enough to start feeling safe in an environment but things got nasty when I got careless and dropped the act. I can't fuarrrking stand people. Though I hate myself intensely too, spent most of my life trying to live with the conviction that I was at fault so I was either trying to get out of people's way or attempting to follow people's advice to "man teh fuk up xD" and such but for the last 2 years or so my hatred for the normalkind increased so much I'm pretty much blind to everything else now. These days I rarely feel anything other than hatred and impotent rage. I even avoid the internet for long periods of time now. I used to view the wired as a losers' sanctuary, now I feel like it's an extension of meatspace with the kind people I ran away from calling the shots... and every one of them being levels above me in everything. Feels like being the butt of every joke again, getting stuff shoved in my face all the time, it's too similar to the dreaded outside. Last social thing I did online was maybe half a year ago, made a post or two on /feels/ and ran away. Looks like the board's gone. I'm 28 now, might be the only escape left now is death.

>>112 now that im sober as the person who posted that im laughin.

>>114 On your way to wizardry. Keep going.

>>120 Posts have been removed now, but it was bad earlier. You should have seen it if you hadn't.

>>134 >>114 I'm not close to where you are, since I've managed to make and retain friends online (plus I'm only 18) and I have a family that loves me far more than I love myself; I don't know if my advice would help. That said, I have more-or-less the same sentiments you have, being that my personal failures have weighed down on me and I feel that I'm not truly compatible with society. The way I try to work through that is to have interests that aren't (or I don't see as being) inherently social: math and music, namely. Whenever I feel frustrated, I put on something like these https://clyp.it/fd35ghfn https://clyp.it/pienixll and try to work through a math problem. I get lost in the moment and I feel like a worthy human, if for a moment. I'm actually going back to college to major in math and maybe make a career out of it. And if that doesn't help, I'm here for you man. We're all gonna make it :) As a side note: the first song I linked is my favorite piece of music I've ever heard and has been for years. I strongly recommend you read the lyrics I linked in the description along with it. The song embedded in this post is something I think you can personally relate to.

>>176 Thanks for your response. I think it's pretty good advice, I just don't think I'll be able to follow it. It would be good to have things I could find fulfillment in and have a chance to become really good at but I but don't have any interests anymore. To be honest I always had trouble finding fun in things even when I was little, I never managed to focus on and pursue any hobbies beyond basics. Probably because I'm not very bright but now I think that maybe it was because I never really felt safe. Grew up in pretty uncertain environments, both at school and at home nice days would suddenly turn into nightmares. Not much changed since then. I'd like to say that I will try to find something- but that's what I promise myself almost every night, and very rarely actually do anything. New things are hard and failing is scary, brain fog can make even the simplest stuff a struggle too. Trying to get back to the one thing I think used to like isn't any easier, having some basic understanding of the challenges ahead and how far behind the curve I am is enough to make me quit before I begin. The music did hit me pretty hard. Though I don't listen much I'm very weak to music. Usually when I get tired of silence I try to play very different stuff, things that don't make me feel too much. Haru No made me tear up easily. I used to be into chinese cartoons and stuff for a few years but when I started withdrawing I started to avoid it too since it made me very sad for some reason. Intentional or not there seems to be a layer of melancholy hidden in most things that Japs make. I don't know if it's just my biased loneliness-ruined mind at work but I always seem to find depressing undertones even in some of their brightest, most innocent works. Somehow due to that contrast it affects me more. I'm rambling a bit again so I'll stop for now. I don't know if anything is going to change, probably will wake up tomorrow and again do my best to fade away instead of doing anything but anyway, thank you.

>>134 tfw my post was the only one that was removed while the other two remain ;_; polite sage for second non-contributing post in thread

For a long time, I'd been drifting away from my friends. I'd felt inauthentic, unsociable, stoic, cold and humorless, preferring to spend my days in bed, listening to music and watching television. I would respond to text messages 2 or 3 days after I'd received and be careful to avoid anyone I knew while I was getting groceries or going for night walks. I started reading into AvPD and I fit a lot of the characteristics, except when I was high, then I could put on a salesman act and adopt a perfectly personable persona. My heart was sinking underneath. My tired eyes drifted in and out of touch with my surroundings because I'd been staying up until sunrise. I ate a meal a day and watched in the mirror as my body thinned out to skeletal proportions. I wanted to pack my bags and change my name. AvPD seems to me an obsessive display of depression and anxiety. I was depressed, though at the time I felt like that was too strong a word. Getting baked would shoot me into mania, I felt like a pyscho pop star, dancing nude, feeling electric, but simultaneous very desperate and very empty. Eventually, I was in a manic-depressive cycle and even had an anxious breakdown. After the breakdown happened my obsessive AvPD behavior started in full gear and I'd tried to piece myself together in the worst way possible, with strong inclinations toward self loathing and doubt. I used to tell my friends that I always tried to give any person a chance, that I could love anyone if I got to know them. In my depression, someone told me that the opposite was true - I was overly critical of others, unempathetic, and that in reality, I hated everyone. That stuck with me for a long time. I figured I'd just have to accept that and move forward. For a while, I sort of did do that. Until one night I had another breakdown, ended up hospitalized, delusional and paranoid. Life was terrible. I was ashamed of myself. Someone from the hospital put me into a three-week class for mental illness. While I was in a fog, but somedays I'd learn something interesting or write what I was thinking about onto paper. It was a good program, and I had a new understanding of anger in relation to depression. I was stretching my muscles and breathing for the first time in a while, it felt like. Afterward, I took a volunteer position at a thrift store and got into a good routine, sleeping better, eating better, feeling better. I started hanging out with friends again about a month ago. I didn't realize how much I'd missed friendship. I love that I can laugh loud and speak out again. I'm shedding baby tears like a little bitch as I type this, in a good way. I think I'm seriously out of depression now. So, if you're feeling a strong sense of AvPD... it may your way of trying to cope with or understand your depression and anxiety. My simple advice is to go for walks, drink water, and avoid getting high to cope. Weed is only fun if you're capable of having fun. To quote Audrey Hepburn, "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." (and that includes yourself) >>91 I agree. It's an idealistic way of thinking, but everyone here seems like a great person.

>>58 Don't worry lain, they're obviously just planning a surprise party for you. Don't try to talk to them or they'll know you know about the party.

>>248 thanks for this anon, gave me a renewed sense of hope I wish the best for you

>>248 I really understand what you're saying, and it makes me feel better to know that you're going through something similar. From what you're saying I think that I'm having same progression of symptoms, the same psychological cause and effect, but perhaps not to that degree. Your first paragraph is so similar to the mindset and behavior I have that it's scary. I've been dysthymic for my entire life, falling into major depression for months at a time when I get lost /unfocused. I have a serious problem living in the moment rather than in my head, thinking about more than a day at a time, remembering things, finding and keeping things that I enjoy or like to do. I used to have a lot more passion for acceptance, socialization, and involvement, but even then I was always putting on some mask when I'm around anyone other than my closest friends. I'm not awkward or bothered by people, that's really not the source of my AvPD, I just can't stand myself and get into an avoidant/depressive cycle about things that really bother me. Simple tasks and even big opportunities just loom like huge mistakes that have practically already happened and I already loathe myself. I haven't ever shared that with anyone, they actually think that I have a huge ego and that I'm really confident. I reached a breaking point in late March and managed to get a medical withdrawal from my classes, but I was extremely close to blowing the semester again and losing all chance of a degree. I can only take out enough loans per semester to pay tuition, and those are granted on the basis of satisfactory progress, so I would lose the opportunity to study after dipping below 3.0 because engineering kicks you out. This was a huge source of stress because I was acutely aware of it going into the semester after a financial crisis that wiped out my savings. Thanks to the counseling and intervention I have the chance to take the same classes again with no penalty except wasted money. I'm generally feeling better since the crisis, but I attribute 100% of that to the medication that I'm gradually stepping up on. I have enough energy to actualize myself now if I really force myself to. Pot basically doesn't work anymore... gives me a body high but otherwise drowned out by dopamine reuptake inhibitors. Counseling feels useless right now, my shrink tells me to cherish social relationships and stop manipulating people like I'm a sociopath, but I'm not and she doesn't fuarrrking have a clue. I'm treating the physical symptoms and getting my health back in order - finances are another matter but I avoided getting evicted these past two months - and yet I feel like I'm only getting more depressed. There was never a point in time within the last 8 months that I've had more than $200 to my name that wasn't set aside for rent. I can't afford to fix or even drive my car, and I regret buying it in the first place because I can't use it after 6k miles. I have court in a few hours for something dumb, and have to get it continued for dumber reasons. Why can't I upload myself already

>>57 I had it from early childhood. I thought I was fuarrrked for life well it did fuarrrk up all my 24 years. Now I have started to change with complete apathy. I was worse than Tomoko, I still get it from time to time but it's a hell of a lot better.

I haven't heard of this before, but have been searching for a diagnoses of how i feel lately, and this seems pretty close. I feel exactly like this accept its only when im in school. when im on summer vacation i start slowly feeling better and more social, I avoid everyone, like people i know when walking and even my mom if i hear her coming towards the kitchen when im getting food, i will quickly leave for my room.