fuck drugs

my life seems to be going no where and im so lonely I don't know if I can live without drugs anymore. I'm a senior in highschool and recently I've come to the realization I want to go to college somewhere out of my home town but I don't think that's possible because my grades were never great because the only thing I focused on throughout highschool was having fun and getting high because I was so damn depressed. i started smoking weed about everyday since sophomore year because of my suicidal thoughts and weed was a coping mechanism so I never took school that serious. what a fuarrrking fool I was. Ive never had a girlfriend the closet I've came to actually liking someone in that way was this person i met on tinder, we texted everyday for months on end because we couldn't see each other because of the difference between us. well they went to college and we met a couple of times but about a month ago they wanted to stay as friends because of the time difference between us so now we don't even text each other like we used to. Im stuck in my home town that I hate going to an alternative school that I hate lonley as fuarrrk everyday getting it trying to get high to combat this feeling. I don't have a job even though I've been applying for jobs for months. my relationship with my parents isn't great, I've made lots of mistakes and I fuarrrking hate myself because of it. Im bipolar and not medicated and also like 6 other mental illnesses. the only things I want to do is better myself and go to college but this feeling I get when I'm not high and I'm lonley is overbearing. im literally drinking cough syrup right now because I don't know any other way. i just want to better myself but I feel like the circumstances I put myself in won't let it happen and I'll end up impulsivly killing myself one of these days

good endings aren't always about being able to live good; you can end your life whenever you want and thats a good thing if it takes away your pain. People have the idea that living is always the good choice, but for what reason? In fact, there's no reason to justify that idea because in the end all the things are banal for the non-existen existential purpose.

>>2807 >I don't know if I can live without drugs anymore It's just a matter of choice. >I want to go to college somewhere out of my home town but I don't think that's possible because my grades were never great Forget about going to the top universities. It all boils down to whether you've a degree or not. If you've a degree, then apply to all universities and even private colleges affiliated with some university. I bet my ass someone will accept you. >i just want to better myself but I feel like the circumstances I put myself in won't let it happen Take small steps, anon. Believe me, it really, really helps. >I'll end up impulsivly killing myself one of these days I won't say I understand what you're going through because I'm not, just want to say compose yourself, read some good motivational books, take good care of your diet and mental health. Just take things a step at a time.

do you know what kind of job you want?

>>2819 thank you anon >>2820 I'm not sure yet but I want to major in entrepreneurship

yeah fuarrrk it

>I've come to the realization I want to go to college somewhere out of my home town What's stopping you from achieving what you want where you're currently at? Wherever you go you'll bring your problems with you. If you don't have any goals, or direction, or role models, then how do you even know which direction to steer your life? Have you read/watched Jordan Peterson's story about lobsters? Feeling suicidal could be the result of being at the bottom of the food chain (sounds like where you're currently at.) Start working your way up and you might start feeling like you're worth something.

>>2847 switching locations and starting over is often a good way to start building a new life.

>>2847 lmao Im Bipolar dude I've always felt this way even when I was a little kid it just got worse over the years. >Have you read/watched Jordan Peterson's story about lobsters? Feeling suicidal could be the result of being at the bottom of the food chain (sounds like where you're currently at.) Start working your way up and you might start feeling like you're worth something. no and im not planning on it since I know that's not the reason I felt suicidal

> weed was a coping mechanism so I never took school that serious You need to find another coping mechanism, for me personally its either been trying to improve at art especially drawing or music in general(heavy metal). You just have to find something you enjoy somewhat and as you start weaning off the drugs start to replace that with another activity, whether that's physical activity or doing something creative(these are the best two I've found). As for school, since you still have a bit off school left in the year I'd recommend to start trying to learn what they're teaching this year as well as learn how to study and take notes. If you really want to go to college you'll need those skills going into it. At anytime along the way if you feel like you have gaps in your learning try going out and learning it for yourself, you'll retain it a lot better this way. >Ive never had a girlfriend The truth about girlfriends for you should be that you shouldn't worry about one till you straighten your life out. If you don't straighten it out first and she dumps you that may be it for you and I wouldn't want to see that happen to you. But it may also start paying off to work on your social skills as that in the long term will help you to land a job, get a girlfriend(and more friends in general), and may help your relationship with your parents. Truth be told, you gotta start somewhere and at least you have the realization for where you want to go right now in life. Start taking the steps to achieve your goals and stay away from idle time as that will cause temptation on habits your trying to break. Good luck and just hold in there

>>2807 your situation feels uncannily similar to my own a few years back. For one, stop taking cough syrup before you get a serious dissociative addiction. dissociatives work miracles for depression, but the path you've started on would probably end up like mine with minor bladder damage. see a psychiatrist, because i've found surprising success with the drugs oft shat upon on druggie websites. not as good as dissos, for sure, but I wager it'll be another 5 years before a legal antidepressant with a common mechanism of action with dissociatives hits the market, and it sure as hell is worth waiting that period without fuarrrking up your bladder and getting a tolerance that takes years to dissipate. in general, take it easy and go with the flow. I didn't get a gf until a couple years into college and it was even someone who posted on lainchan. but it didn't work out, and i am exactly the same emotionally as i was when i was a lonely virgin. romantic relationships do nothing, literally nothing, for overall well-being. finding irl people to talk to can help somewhat (still cant say i have friends, but at i at least talk to people), but honestly what has helped me the most is just going with the flow and finding the beauty in life for all its woes. there is literally nothing wrong with being who you are stuck in the soykaf circumstances you are in. society and your mind of which is influenced by society to degrees of which it is impossible to fully comprehend keeps telling you you're a useless virgin sack of soykaf who should kill yourself, but that's bullsoykaf. hopefully this post will help shorten the degree of which cough syrup is the only way you know so that you dont end up having trouble peeing from mxe, deschloroketamine, opce, 3hopce, 3meopcp, etc, but you have to stop thinking about who you want to be and who society thinks you should be and instead think about who you are and how fuarrrking unreal the world we live in is. For me, taking some peanuts and going out and feeding the local crows has given me much more happiness than my relationship or any of my friendships. we are stupid humans doing stupid human things and the more you fuarrrk up your life the better it gets when you reach the point you can think of yourself as a stupid human. cause stupid humans are fuarrrking hilarious, and all humans are stupid humans.

>>2816 living is the good choice because death is inevitable. either you die, or you get some free soykaf and die. i'll take the free soykaf, even if its me sleeping under bridges until i drink myself to death. 'cause why the fuarrrk not? i'm looking forward to death more than anything but i see no reason to rush it, soykaf's gonna happen anyways so i might as well see where the free soykaf takes me before death tucks me in. even if life is the worst soykaf ever, will that not do anything but make death even more pleasant? your feelings of soykaf are just neuronal firings, take some fuarrrking dope and make the best of the sack of feces you are born into, live your life, life is the free bonus you get for being able to die. even if it gives you bladder damage like i have acquired, that was some interesting soykaf and i'm glad i am still able to fuarrrk up my life further before i die. I don't know if i'm just a rambling crazy person, but my lust for death is what drives my will to live.

>>2850 I was in a really similar situation to yours a couple years ago, and it seems like many others on here have too. I think lainchan especially attracts a very specific type of person. You've made it this far, so clearly there's something keeping you going. Whatever it is, try to tap into it. I wasn't going to go to college until the winter of my senior year. I only applied to one school, the local public university in the city, but fortunately I got in. I really believe if you wanna go to school you'll be able to, but honestly sometimes I debate whether I should have gone. Drugs aren't the devil, but they certainly aren't going to help you out of this. I've used quite a few different psychedelics that I believe have really helped my mental state, but these can only work beneficially when your mind is in a well enough place to accept them. I still smoke daily, but that's because I don't feel it hurts me and I can still maintain the things I enjoy. It's important to make sure you're using drugs responsibly, and a big part of that is not letting them become a focal point. Be sure to leave yourself room beyond drugs to develop as a person. And one final note, I don't know if you've experienced this but when I'm feeling depressed it frequently feels like I've been reduced to just my mental health. You're a full person, still young enough that you have so much time to grow. You're a lot more than just this.

>>2851 The heavier the music the better. When you get anxious feelings a good way to cope is to focus really heavily on all the instruments and noises. It helps you get your mind off things without being physically harmful.

>>3182 >Drugs aren't the devil, but they certainly aren't going to help you out of this. I've used quite a few different psychedelics that I believe have really helped my mental state, but these can only work beneficially when your mind is in a well enough place to accept them. I still smoke daily, but that's because I don't feel it hurts me and I can still maintain the things I enjoy. It's important to make sure you're using drugs responsibly, and a big part of that is not letting them become a focal point. Be sure to leave yourself room beyond drugs to develop as a person. This! Drugs enhance things in certain ways, for good or for bad, dont blame the drugs on your bad situation cuz you thought they were an escape. Sorry to hear you are in such a fuarrrked situation op. You shouldnt blame yourself too much for what has happend, its a rough life people like us have nowdays. I dont know what else to say, just hang in there in there it can get better.

i was going to make a thread like this until i saw yours, lainon. thank you for putting this thread out here. ive been struggling with heavy benzo use for the past year and its completely torn apart my life. i have lost the trust of everyone i know, now seen as your usual backstabbing and thieving junkie. i just wish i never touched lorazepam