how do i stop abusing peasant-tier stimulants if theyre likely going to kill me?

i apologize if this is really fuarrrking stupid, to be clear i was (and still am, at 20) sheltered as a child. never actually taken street drugs, all Rx. even esketamine at one point (as Spravato). i first got put on ADHD meds, likely adderall XR, in middle school. but for the vast majority of the time ive used them, it's either been ritalin/concerta (or both). and they really weren't bad at first - i do likely have ADHD, even with how overdiagnosed it is. helped me get schoolwork done, made talking to people easier. the problem, though, was likely started by things i likely should've never been prescribed at all. specifically, i was on both risperidone & aripiprazole *daily* throughout my entire four years of high school. i'm not even a schizophrenic to be clear... the psych prescribed them off-label for irritability/aggression related to my mild autism. my criminal record is entirely clean though, and the semi-frequent shouting matches with my father never went physical (nor did i destroy things). those things raped my brain, to say the least. especially during puberty. they made me entirely numb, not even just "dampened" like people report with SSRIs/other, more common stuff. i went from being invited to Duke's program to take the SAT in 7th grade, to a C student by the end of high school. i don't know if the effects were permanent, but i still rely on stimulants to this day to function. first i abused concerta, even got caught stealing my older sister's (she kept it a one-time secret because my father would've gone apeshit) concerta in january. now i'm on vyvanse which should be better, as concerta peaked and left my system very quickly. but it... i still want to abuse my own. and i have. up to 90mg in a day a few times, more than the 70mg max dosage they warn about. and now i'm 5'11 and a mere 110lbs. i have no urge to eat, even bread is a chore. i cant relax without this garbage. coffee used to help a bit, but that makes me feel nasty (unlike just swallowing a pill). i apologize if this is retarded, because i don't know anything. it feels like i have to take stimulants even to sit in a chair and relax. also my emotions are still flatlined, 18 months after the antipsychotics. the stimulants are the only thing that can "jump start" a temporary good mood.

Hey bruh thats a sad story ngl. You can take more than 90 migs though Its not as big deal with vyvanse but i took too much concerta and it was fuarrrked up dude i got sick or some thirng

>>20660 >helped me get schoolwork done, made talking to people easier. It's going to do that for anyone. That's why people use it for study. Stims are stims are stims are stims. The cope is that you should be calm on them not wired up and locked in or particularly social and gregarious. They certainly shouldn't be messing with your grades. Shouting at/fighting with your father is also pretty fuarking normal. Most men will have at least one blow out. It's an important facet of asserting yourself but not one that high-minded culture finds permissible. Get the fuarrrk off them but take it easy. Better to lower your dose and never quit than to quit and relapse yourself into a mess. I have no idea about interactions though. That's a whole kettle of fish. As for your "good mood" if you've numbed out and built nothing to feel good about that's to be expected. If some random woke up in your life would they be happy? If the answer is no then you should expect not to be happy when your head is working properly. That's not a bug that's the system working as intended. The most dangerous psychological place is between health and disorder whether it's depression or addiction there's a dead zone where effort and progress just mean more pain. Beat depression, start caring about soykaf, realise soykaf is terrible because you've been asleep at the wheel, get depressed. There's no easy answer for that. You can beat your head against it, you can will your way though it, or if you're lucky you can arrange a situation where you can suffer comfortably.

Got off meth using nasal spray a few times now. Have relapsed cuz stims are too good but that's the easiest method while keeping a taper manageable. First you'd need to get rid of the fillers in your capsules somehow, or taper using smaller pill fractions. Meth dissolved in distilled water pretty easily in a spray bottle and I just nosed that and refilled with distilled each day. After a few days I poured the spray into a shot glass and drank the rest, then went cold until withdraw stopped.

You may need to reset your dopamine receptors. You may in theory be able to with sarcosine (it is just a supplement) but if not you might be able to get prescribed naloxone for off label use to treat depersonalization derealization disorder or maybe blunted emotions, though the esketamine should have actually helped similarly if you were on it long enough but I assume it may not work as well for that use maybe. I have made a similar thread before asking for help finding something to return my emotional range (from different reasons) and i have not had money to try enough things out and I am very isolated.

>>20684 Please stop discriminating serotonin, adrenalin, endophines and other important brain chemicals.

>>20685 exactly. dopamine is actually bad cause it oxidises and damages the brain structure dunnit?

>>20685 Serotonin has downstream effect on dopamine receptor activity. The things I mentioned also are not acting on dopamine receptors directly they act on NMDA and opioid receptors. >>20686 Where did you even get this from?

>>20687 i got it from expoerience

>>20687 got my info confused. thats something to do with amphs are something where it oxidizes and damages dopamine neurons. my bad

OP I feel for you even though I had the exact opposite experience in school. Stimulants always made me wired but basically incapable of doing any work. I was always a C student and my only cope was scoring highly on IQ tests. I am in my mid twenties now and I very much recommend attempting to taper down your dosage. Your dopaminergic pathways are utterly shot. The antipsychotics might have had some impact (I still suffer from sexual dysfunction after years off SSRIs) but what you are describing sounds as much to do with your stimulant dependency, which you are trying to rescue by blaming the antipsychotics, which could also have had compounding effects on your nervous system. The antipsychotics lowered your dopaminergic thresholds and abusing stimulants pushed you in the opposite direction, raising them to the point of numbness. What you can do now is tell your psychiatrist or GP you need a detox and he or she will help you taper down. You have enough plasticity that you could see measurable returns to baseline within a few months to a year. This is all dependent on if you aren't in college currently because your long-term goal should be putting your smarts to use in a way that will provide natural stimulation, without relying on amphetamines for anything more than assistance. Find a new, highly rated psychiatrist though. Tapering down to a lower dosage has better clinical results than drug holidays but you can decide where you'd like to go from a healthy neurochemical baseline. Please do not let yourself go to waste. It gets harder and harder to pull yourself out of these depressive spirals as the years go on. You have plenty of time but you need medical intervention.

psychs prescribing anti-psychotic drugs offlabel to people who don't actually suffer from psychosis is unfortunately very common now and it's extremely irresponsible and it's basically a modern resurgence of outmoded behaviorist bullshit being applied with modern drugs, i.e. this person isn't behaving like a normal person so let's treat them the same way we would treat a person suffering from psychosis, i.e. let's throw out everything we've ever learned about neuroscience and go back to the 19th century and just reduce psychology down to "sane" versus "insane" because actually talking to the patient and figuring out what's going on is too costly and time-consuming and we're trying to run a business here. with that being said, you might try mirtazapine. it's not an antipsychotic or anywhere near as heavy-duty as antipsychotics, it's just a tetracyclic antidepressant that causes mild sleepiness and heightened appetite as a side effect. i'm on adderall and have problems with insomnia and not eating and taking mirtazapine before bed helps with that and i haven't had any bad side effects from it.

I love ADHD medication, I got recently diagnosed after spending 25 years of my life struggling through school, losing interest in jobs. I got straight onto the big boy dexamphetamines and I'm popping them all day everyday , it's hard because I'm taking more and more slowly and I don't know how to have a rest day. I suppose I should learn how to control myself and take it days I actually need it

>>20660 >specifically, i was on both risperidone & aripiprazole *daily* throughout my entire four years of high school. Medical-industrial rape. Antipsychotics are little more than a chemical lobotomy. The fact that they gave you adderall simultaneously is retarded but unsurprising. It seems you noted that later in your post. I didn't have that happen but experience similar. >>20686 You're referring to fenton reaction autoxidation and the formation of condensates like salsolinol. No one really knows but it's plausible.

>>20787 Little update to this, typing this out the other night made me think about trying a day off of them. So far so good, I crave them though. Wish me luck lainons

I was on high doses of amphetamines for all of high school. At 19 is was 5'11 and 105lbs. I decided one day that I don't want to spend my entire life taking amphetamines and never took one again. My emotions were also nonexistent, and are now mostly normal. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with the meds or not. Never thought about that as a possible connection until now

>>20894 when i do base for a few days it starts to feel like phenibut and it gets more mentally anaesthetic" like the lyric in motorhead. get some mental anaesthesia!

>>20793 please stop taking them, i was in your position not that long ago, you will crash... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdcFrUI4Q4I this video is true, but its true even for people with ADHD. it will happen, trust..

I hate myself, I got the drugs and they just made me feel like soykaf. Adderall makes me feel sick Ritalin makes me feel sick. Vyvanse makes me feel good though, makes me want to be social and makes me feel like everything is going to be alright. Either way though, it nor any of the others does anything at all for my focus or conscientiousness so all useless. I just gave up on ever having a good life.

>>20985 >Adderall makes me feel sick > Vyvanse makes me feel good though Just FYI, vvyanse (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisdexamfetamine) is just a prodrug of Adderall (amphetamine). So they should give you near-identical sensations. >inb4 buh buh buh lisdexamphetamine yields 100% dextroamphetamine and adderall is 50% dextroamphetamine 50% mixed aka 75% dextro + 25% levoamphetamine Yes, rotoisomers of amphetamine have differences, but the difference between 100% and 75% should be small enough to be hard to notice. I doubt it would be significant enough to yield completely opposite effects (feeling sick vs feeling great). Not saying OP isn't feeling what he feels, just pointing out that may have more to do with social/cultural context than raw biochemistry.

>>20987 Vyvanse is only dextroamphetamine. Adderall is mixed levo and dextroamphetamine.

>>20988 Woops, didn't read your whole post. Not sure why you think messing with norepi and dopamine turnover at the same time wouldn't cause nausea and other autonomic effects. I had a similar experience.

>>20989 This is not something I am expert in, so please correct me if I am misunderstanding... Going off of wiki (pardon the botched formatting) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levoamphetamine#Pharmacology): Monoamine release of levoamphetamine and related agents (EC50, nM) CompoundNorepinephrineDopamineSerotoninRef Phenethylamine10.939.5>10,000[26][27][28] D-Amphetamine6.6–7.25.8–24.8698–1,765[29][30] L-Amphetamine9.527.7ND The differences between levo and dextro seem to be: **Dextro weakly releases serotonin, levo doesn't **Dextro releases dopamine more strongly (ish) **Both appear to release noepinephrine at similar levels Additionally wiki states... "In addition, as a reuptake inhibitor, levoamphetamine is about 3- to 7-fold less potent than dextroamphetamine in inhibiting dopamine reuptake but is only about 2-fold less potent in inhibiting norepinephrine reuptake." Putting this together, maybe levo leads to more norepinephrine, by dose, since although it is "less potent" as an NRI, it is proportionally a better NRI vs DRI, so you would skew towards more norepinephrine hanging around vs dextroamphetamine. But I don't know that levo and dextro are "different enough" to cause a total inversion of percieved effect from "feeling good" to "feeling sick". Especially since adderall is heavily dextro-skewed (presumably ~75%). > Not sure why you think messing with norepi and dopamine turnover at the same time wouldn't cause nausea and other autonomic effects. I totally understand feeling sick on stimulants/NDRIs. I am just pointing out that since vvyanase and adderall are very, very similar, I'd be surprised if their minor chemical differences were responsible for OP feeling completely different on one vs. the other. (Again, OP said adderall specifically made him sick, whereas vvyanase made him feel good). I feel like it is quite possible that variation in dose/tolerance/dosing regime/social setting/cultural setting/etc. were responsible for these perceived differences. (But, maybe many people report this sort of difference, I haven't looked into it...)