blunted emotions and the like

This topic is of blunted emotions, blunted affect, and depersonalization / derealization causes and solutions. For years now I have been suffering from what I think is blunted emotions or at least blunted affect, as well as some degree of depersonalization and this also extends into more physical sensations feeling less pronounced including sexual pleasure. I used to be very sensitive and emotionally intuned for myself but also understanding others intuitively. The cause is unclear. I had for long periods of time been depressed from the way my life has been and went through some trauma a few times. I when under stress banged my head on a support beam a few times seeing stars but I am unsure it was hard enough to cause brain damage to my frontal lobe or not. I feel too calculating now where instead feeling emotions outright it is more a conceptualization of emotional states. I sometimes feel like my body has hazy boundaries. I often feel a light pressure in my head. I have been drinking alcohol for about 5 to 6 days a week for a decade but no more than one to as much as 3 US standard drinks never really that drunk, I had stopped for months a few times not seeing an improvement and started drinking again. As a kid (around 8 or so I think) I was on Ritalin a while then Welbutrin which I know I was not on as a teen so I was not on it for more than a few years tops but i dont remember. I have not been medicated in any way and outside of caffeine and alcohol I have not used drugs much only been moderately high off cannabis eddibles a few times and very recently been trying nicotine pouches which I find make me feel ill at just 3mg but something like hydrocodone or oxycodone has little effect on me it seems. I was a few years ago diagnosed with lyme disease and put on doxycycline which I assisted the efficacy taking matcha tea to weaken bacterial cellular walls and I was also later put on a wide spectrum antibiotic for unrelated reasons so it seems not very likely the issue is from the bacteria still active it should be gone now so I dont know if this still has any influence. I used to be able to cry a lot about personal things but nowadays it is difficult to do and only able to cry for a few seconds and often from media stirring emotions more than real life events directly since sometimes it helps it hit me and my eyes are often dry feeling when I do not recall them feeling always dry, Everything feels so dull and empty that I would rather be a wreck crying over this mental and emotional state where it feels like my emotions are not well expressed either good or bad. Not much feels interesting, I lack motivation to do much. I do not even get the feeling of frission from music anymore and I used to love that feeling. Everything feels observed more than experienced whether positive or negative emotions. I just want to feel things deeply again without it feeling like forced fake emotions, and be more present but I ideally do not want to be reliant on a constant supply of drugs to feel nor do I want to be a completely out of control mess where I lose all rational ability entirely. Are there any medications, herbs, supplements, drugs that can fix this if it is brain damage or down-regulation of some receptors or neurochemicals or is some part of by brain more actively blocking my emotions and ability to focus? I do not know what to do and I feel awful being like this where life has no point to it. I just feel dread. I do have some expression and feeling so I am not totally flat in emotion or affect but it just feels wrong, I feel wrong. This cant be just a normal thing that comes with aging ive seen people older than me that are quite lively and passionate and emotional and horny. I dont want to have to worry about people thinking I am cold when I care for them or think I am not hurt when I am. Closest I could find info on that might help is naloxone but there are not that many studies of this and without me knowing the exact cause of why I feel different from how I used to feel it is difficult to know what approach to take. Has anyone here experienced this and understand what I find difficulty finding the words to describe this sensation? Anything help you or someone you know? Please can someone help. Even if I were unable to do something or if I dont come back in time at least someone else might be able to benefit from the information. I dont want anyone to have to experience this numbness.

Since my late teens I started developing this sensation that I can only describe as a type of "brain fog", and it has gotten progressively worse since then. The sensation is similar to that of being on the verge of sleep all the time, like when your head starts spinning and the senses go "numb" but you're still awake. I feel an enormous distance between me and everything I do, and do most things only out of routine or impulse. Every time I need to actively engage with something it requires a tremendous amount of energy, and still, I feel as if I'm not quite there — as you said, being an observer of your own reality. As a result, everything I do is turned into a task or is nothing but a result of impulsive, conditioned behavior. There's no real activity engagement like it used to. Some people describe it as life being dream-like, but my dreams are often much more vivid, engaging and memorable than my days. I also experience what I believe to be derealization episodes from time to time. For instance, I remember walking back home from the gym at night, seeing a car turning left down a dark street, then wondering "where does it go?". It should be obvious that it is going down the street, but at moments like this it is as if anything could happen because reality just feels so unstable. Exercise definitely helps, though it's not really the magic potion some people make it out to be. Lifting is good, but I recently got into running and realized it often helps me more. Sometimes, when I'm able to reach my own limit of bodily pain and breathing capacity and just keep going, I feel this incredible sensation that everything is real and alive once again, like I'm seeing the world in 4k. It's such a bother, not only because it feels horrible, but also because it greatly impairs my functionality. I am barely able to have any task engagement, and if I slip out of routine just a bit everything becomes a wreck once again and I find myself doing nothing but smoking cigs in my backyard and scrolling through random websites. I'm on medication (Strattera), which kinda helps me control myself, get less anxious and focus more. It works great, but unfortunately it's no magic pill. I'm sorry if this was of no help. I just thought my situation could be similar and that someone might be able to relate to it, maybe derive some insight from it.

>>19821 I very much feel this way, especially today. The weather was unbearably monotonic the past days, nothing feels like day nor night. Its a pointless cycle of problems, fortunately for me i manage to hold things at bay. The days get a bit longer again and i got some things to look forward to and make next winter not so miserable.

>>19821 Difficult to compare not knowing exactly how you feel and since you sound more on the derealization side while Im more on depersonalization and stuck in my head side of things. Though you mentioning that medication it lead me to cognitive disengagement syndrome which I had yet to hear that term before.

>>19820 >>19821 I felt almost this exact way for many years. It's like a very strong and pervasive sense of apathy for everything, neither liking or disliking anything, having no motivation to do anything at all including basic things like eating or drinking. Everything I do feels somehow forced and done for no particular reason. >I feel too calculating now where instead feeling emotions outright it is more a conceptualization of emotional states. I relate very heavily to this, and I've found it very hard to explain to other people. It's as if I'm removed from all situations where the best I can do is think about what I should feel. I find myself "going through the motions", I sleep most of the day and don't really do anything feeling every second go by. Every now and then I have some level of depersonalisation and it's like everything I do is somehow willed outside of me, almost as if someone else is controlling my actions. I find myself doing things purely to see if it is something I want to do but in the end brings no feeling or emotion. Usually when I'm around a lot of people or go past houses I have a deep sense of unreality or derealisation, where I feel completely removed from everything and it doesn't seem real at all. I don't know if this has been brought about by trauma or drug use, and I don't really do anything to combat it because I'm utterly apathetic to it all, sometimes I go for walks or sit in silence to try and collect my thoughts. I find that engaging in stories through books or games or films and other things that I lose myself in them to the point that afterwards there's a period of time where I feel disconnected with the real world. It sounds retarded but I disconnect from everything very easily.

>>19842 I sort of still feel but it is so deep inside me like it is consumed in something holding it from being felt more personally. It is difficult to tell if you are worse than me or just same but perceive and describe it differently. Unfortunately I do not easily get lost in media because even then I am lost in thoughts of my life so there is no easy escape.

>>19880 Fair, I think that I do have some sort of emotions but very deep down, to the point where I don't even recognise the fact that I may actually be feeling something. I've wondered whether this is some personality issue or something else that can easily be "fixed" or remedied.

>>19820 There was some research paper that shows that men on average get more desensitized as they get older, while it's the opposite for women. Depersonalization, depression might be something else. Pressure in head could be just your 3rd eye. Idk

>>20047 That could be just cultural effects if true. I do not think culture did this in my case because I have been so distant from common views when this occurred though it may play some role because I was held to different standards for being male by my parents and peers as a kid. If it has to do with sex hormones I am not sure what hormone would be involved if both the statements for men and women were true.

I am in more need of this now than ever and still not sure what could last long term. I have wound up in a bad situation and need to be more emotionally expressive of real feelings I have in order to try to gain sympathy from someone trying to take everything from me when I have already lost everything but I just look at most annoyed not devastated. I need to hold back anger though since that wont help the situation. Just need to bring out the sadness.