(untitled)

Happy Pills Megathread: SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs, and the Quest for Synthetic Serotonin Which ones worked miracles (or at least let you get out of bed without existential dread)? Any horror stories? ( Weight gain, sexual dysfunction etc. ) Pro tips for tapering, combos, or getting scripts without sounding like a drug seeker.

Forgot to add >>19788 No pharma pushing or anti-med doomerism Let's crowdsource some actual useful info before big pharma fuarrrks us over

I totally forgot this but I was given Wellbutrin (buproprion) as a kid like 8 or something and im not sure how long I was on it. I think it possibly made me grow up hornier and may have effected my brain later but difficult to tell since I was on Ritalin before then.

>>19790 Today is my first day switching to bupropion. >>19788 Psych blue pilled me with some Venlafaxine as I have been on multiple SSRI's in the past. For the last 6 Months I feel my memory and cognitive function is clouded, my girlfriend hates I rarely finish due to the medication. 150mg Venlafaxine -> 75mg Last few days just taken 150mg Bupropion then soon I'll jump down to 35mg Venlafaxine. Doctor told me not to cross taper due to some interaction but my research says otherwise hence why I'm taking it now so wish me luck lainons

>>19792 > Today is my first day switching to bupropion. The papers claimed it made me less depressed but I dont recall being depressed that much then just lonely.

for me it's mirtazapine as its the least toxic as well as the most "recreational"/utility i.e a trip killer) would starting an anti d be worth it after say, years of smoking weed and eating little doses of kratom and cups of coffee? i like teh idea of wellbutrin as i hear so much good for recovering stim users or those that find all of the above useless. agomelatine sounds dope too.

>>19794 Wellbutrin/Zyban positives effects really made me realise that I should switch over. Sluggish , Cognitive thinking & Memory being poor hasn't been fun. Buprophin goes for dopamine instead of the serotonin receptors so it functions completely different. I heard that Zyban is meant to increase cognitive function and sexual performance

Atomoxetine has been working well for me so far. Less anxious, more able to control myself and focus, etc. The only downsides are: >ejaculation before orgasm >ejaculation while trying to urinate, resulting in me basically pissing cum >need to control caffeine intake >heart rate goes up quickly, so I can't workout right after taking it, need to wait at least 6 hours Back when I was still titrating is was nightmare, tho. Ball cramps, back pain, sleepiness, barely could lift/run at all and a lot of other soykaf.

>>19798 :| (body too short)

>>19798 >ejaculation when trying to urinate I've never heard of atomoxetine before, also I've never heard of that situation happening with someone. Would've been stranged the first time that happened to you

>>19796 Cognitive function is a mixed bag with bupropion. While buproprion effects dopamine agonistically helping memory it also antagonizes NMDA activity which also effect memory so it can go either way. I had came up with the idea of taking over the counter galantamine with it if memory issues arise but I am unsure of the safety and efficacy of that. >>19798 Sounds like weakened muscles so you are basically leaking. I could see this as a bigger issue than it seems because that could lead to an infection possibly.

>>19801 >While buproprion effects dopamine agonistically helping memory it also antagonizes NMDA activity which also effect memory so it can go either way. they have a drug which compounds dxm with it now (only in the u.s iirc that isnt quite lumping the two together like one med with the other). it stops most of the dxm from becoming dxo and achieving an enhanced anti depressant effect. i didnt know wellbutrin affected nmda all that much.

>>19808 Brand name Auvelity apparently. DXM has a short half life though so I am unsure how that works. A drug used for pseudobulbar affect under brand Nuedexta is dextromethorohan / quinidine in a 2:1 ratio that increases the halflife of DXM. Looking into it apparently the buproprion increases effects of DXM. https://www.pharmacytimes.com/view/fda-approves-first-only-nmda-receptor-antagonist-for-major-depressive-disorder I recall hearing studies involving ketamine where between weekly ketamine doses patients were given DXM to maintain effects. Though because the nasal form of ketamine called esketamine was made I am unsure how these compare. I think dissociative are more used as tools to help someone deal with negative emotions during therapy to help give them a chance to think in a different pattern similar to how psychedelics get used. I may be over interpreting the NMDA effects of buproprion since I am not that good at reading pharmacology charts yet but I recall reading somewhere that although it can enhance memory it also can inhibit it in some people.

>>19800 i think atomoxetine is a britbong adhd med coz there's no prescription speed over ere lad.

>>19809 The only thing I know about DXM is that it's within cough suppressants. I read this within a article: "In 2022, the US Food and Drug Administration approved the combination dextromethorphan/bupropion to serve as a rapid-acting antidepressant in people with major depressive disorder." -Wikipedia So perhaps there is more to Bupropion like you suggested.

>>19814 I'm not >>19801 I was >>19796 I want to know where the NMDA Effects got mentioned, in my research Bupropion does not directly antagonize NMDA receptors. It seems like a common mix up the combo drug dextromethorphan + bupropion, where dextromethorphan provides the NMDA block for faster antidepressant effects

>>19815 Im >>19790 >>19793 >>19801 >>19809 I was talking buproprion by itself. Might be a mistake in memory. I think I was thinking of the antagonistic effects on the nicotinic acetylcholine receptor and not sure why I said NMDA. Buproprion is sometimes used as a smoking cessation aid. Antagonism to that receptor can potentially effect memory negatively.

>>19788 As a person who nearly went all Chisa 13 years ago... ...i wish they would prescribe me happy pills back then. I already have >weight gain 300 fugazing lbs of kaf >disfunction to the point of having plain mornings as the usual and assuming its the natural norm

>>19818 It doesnt really make you happy. It isnt known exactly what SSRIs do but they downregulate serotonin receptors which causes a blunting of emotions. As someone who developed blunted emotions of unknown cause id rather be crying often than this.

>>19819 Crying is a natural body mechanism of letting out stress and managing a situation that is difficult, that's why sometimes after crying you can feel better and tackle a situation. Although there are plenty of situations where crying can actually have the opposite effect and ruin things but this is more within a social setting rather than a by yourself problem.

>>19792 Little update >crosstaper feeling like soykaf currently right now, stuck 75mg Venlafaxine for over a week, bumped down to 32.5mg today. I've rode some crazy high feelings currently on a low. Hopefully I start to feel sane soon, I want this to end.

>>19836 It works good in certain social situations. There had been studies that tears give off some scent that reduces aggression in others. Of course it likely does not work on everyone. >>19854 It is such nonsense doctors start people on high doses. If you have to start on a high dose the medication doesnt really work right yet they just act like that is normal to do.

Basic bitch coming thru! 100mg of Sertaline since 2015. Dick don't work, but didn't gain weight. Blunting of emotions is not to severe, but I miss being able to be "outwardly" happy/excited by things like rolleycoasters.

Sertraline 50mg, short side effects until about 6 weeks in, like headaches and nausea for a few days, strange chest pain (heartburn?) and reduced pleasure during orgasms. All gone now, however, I started taking them with a very blunted affect, so I can't tell if they affect that part of my personality.

I have come to the conclusion after my years of experience on multiple SSRI's and SNRI's that they're soul destroying >what do you mean by this Foggy mind, poor labido, making you feel comfort in your own chaos instead of addressing it , coping >but it helps me And that's great if it's helping you but it isn't helping everyone and some people simply don't need it, They just see a GP Explaining they are depressed and given a magic pill that will solve their problems by boosting their serotinin. No addressing what their state of living is like, no understanding of what things they might be going through at the time.

>>19898 SSRIs are usually administered in conjunction with therapy (like in my case) and it works for my anxiety because it makes it easier for me to talk. I am not on edge around people as much anymore. I can actually share my opinions and ask questions irl, especially with my therapist. They are not meant to be a an instant fix, and I was informed of that, as well as the possible side-effects. I don't know where you live that a GP can prescribe such medication without the approval of a psychiatric and psychological evaluations. I bet you're from some country where you can't get free help, so you're forced to be your own doctor or something.

>>19909 Our doctors appointments are cheap here and the medication is subsidized heavily so it's dead cheap also

Is Trazodone any good? Can it get detected in a drug test as mCPP? >Wellbutrin I don't like the fact that it blocks nicotinic acetylcholine receptors. I have done a bit of research and it seems like pretty bad, like all other drugs with anticholinergic side-effects. Long-term use of anticholinergic meds can potentially increase the risk for dementia, for example. >>19788 I think Trintellix (Vortioxetine) is good when compared to most anti-depressants but I get minor headache sometimes. The only other side-effects are that it makes me almost vomit if I take it without food and I also have minor problems getting erection (not complete erectile dysfunction). I have tried other meds, too, and I can say that anti-depressants aren't any kind of "happy pills". Instead they cut highs and lows and give you a bit more energy.

>>19921 I can't deal with taking any medication that stops me getting a erection or any dysfunction >blocks nicotinic acetylcholine receptors Is that the reason for there being a increase of dementia?

>>19921 You can partially counter that blockage of nicotinic acetylcholine receptors by increasing acetylcholine levels with galantamine but id question long term effect. Apparently ascorbic acid might be a positive allosteric modulator of some nicotinic acetylcholine receptors. https://www.mdpi.com/1420-3049/28/3/1270 >>19922 Cause of dementia is unknown really

>>19927 but there are links aren't they? like excessive dopamine isnt psychosis but there is a link as meds that dampen said mehanism can work for psychosis but its clearly not the cause or solution

I was put on sertraline (zoloft) at age 8-9 up until age 12, and then briefly resumed it between ages 17-18. In my memory it did almost nothing, but I suspect there have been some permanent changes to my brain chemistry. I've always had a level of disinterest in sex and to a lesser extent romance that I suspect was caused in part by being on ssris during puberty. I'm a little resentful of the fact that they were pushed onto me at such a young age in violation of my autonomy, but at the same time I really like not caring about sex, it makes me not care all that much that I'm pretty lonely and it seems like an unchecked desire for sex can drive people to do terrible things. Does anyone else have an experience like this/feel the same way? I feel like my case is somewhat atypical so I'm interested in hearing from people with a similar history with ssris.

i was on on lexapro for most of last year. im in my mid 20s. my first time trying ssri's. it was effective all things considered. blunted the lows along with my anger. sex drive not hit too much. unforch i had trouble with alcohol during that time ...... lowered my blackout threshold by a lot. worried my roommates a good bit. when i quit the pills i had constant vertigo for like 2 months. very freaky. glad its in the past now. im sure ill try them again tho ........ life's a bitch

>>20030 >I was put on sertraline (zoloft) at age 8-9 up until age 12, and then briefly resumed it between ages 17-18. In my memory it did almost nothing, but I suspect there have been some permanent changes to my brain chemistry. I lacked the interest in sex too, but I had a different premise. Possible cause: anything but meds >I've always had a level of disinterest in sex and to a lesser extent romance that I suspect was caused in part by being on ssris during puberty Or it was caused by the same neural malady that made you take SSRIs in the first place. Say, you may have had the symptoms of "Afghan Syndrome" aka (C)PTSD. Oh and maybe you have "serotonine syndrome" e.g. too HIGH serotonin (yeah that's also a problem to some). I think that syndrome makes you a platonic, cuddle-snuggle "vanilla" person but too mellow to be a piledriver operator

>Which ones worked miracles (or at least let you get out of bed without existential dread)? I hate to be the *jUsT sLeEp WeLl Br0* bird here, but, in my particular case, getting a 25$ humidifier and a 10$ mp3/bt music player, a large pillow (and a $$ mattress for that matter, I used to sleep on foldable sofa instead of a proper bed) made me alright. I had had a sleep deprivation, basically. (and then I re-watched SEL. Mind = blown.)

its strictly speaking an SSRI or TCA but ive been taking the tetracyclic antidepressant mirtazapine since summer last year and its done wonders. i think that a significant factor in my depression is the metabolic consequences of not eating regularly (because im depressed) and what this not only does to my mood, emotional regulation and brain in general but also to my circadian rhythm. mirtazapine makes me hungry and sleepy at the right times that its caused my mood to improve significantly. however now im sleepy all the time and i sleep in a lot. i have also just recently started taking the atypical tricyclic tianeptine. the results have been extremely good for the first couple weeks but seem to level off a bit, i wonder if this is because of tolerance or other factors.

>>20034 Sertraline anon here, I wouldn't totally disqualify c-ptsd as a factor in my case, since I had a pretty tense relationship with most adults in my life as a kid due to a history of behavioral issues in school. I'm fairly sure the reason I was given ssris at such a young age in the first place was in hopes that they would help keep me emotionally regulated. I looked into the symptoms and they seem to align with some things I've noticed in myself, though I'm not really traumatized by anything per se, it's more a sense of "I wish I didn't have to deal with that but it's not like I can rewind time and prevent it so who cares."

>>20036 >i think that a significant factor in my depression is the metabolic consequences of not eating regularly (because im depressed) I *think* I used to eat unhealthy (soda, sweets, nrg drinks) when I was awfully depressed too. Nowadays, I try to make it right by buying whole meat/whole eggs/whole cheese "as is" to cook rather than trust the "tradie breakfast pyramid" of various easy-to-cook stuff.

I have tried fluoxetine, mirtazapine, sertraline, aripiprazole and lithium but none of it really helped. What ended up pretty much curing me is endurance running. Unfortunately it's pretty difficult to get into because the first few weeks are pretty painful. Basically if you just keep running, even at very slow speeds, you can reach insane levels of exhaustion and if you push through and just keep running something will happen. I'm pretty sure no matter how messed up your serotonin/reward system is, at some point you will start to feel thirst and other primordial urges and you'll feel something in your brain click back into place. Also stay away from drugs if possible, I even avoid caffeine.

>>20039 >whole foods , meat protein , eggs , cheese Also try and keep carbs down and have less goyslop whitebread Keep up vitamins: Vitamin D: https://vitamindwiki.com (Solid information to be found on there , just wget the website whilst it's up) - Vitamin C - Fish oil - Celtic Salt - Magnesium L-Threonate (The only one that crosses the brain blood barrier ) - Zinc 40mg (This is the upper dose , once stable take every other day ) - K2 - B Vitamins I must say not all of these are necessary day to day life if you're eating a really good diet as they say it's better to get the vitamins from the food you eat as it's absorbed in better, but pushing a doctor (as terrible as they are) for a full blood screening and seeing anything you're lacking, I do note though they will say you might not be lacking things but make sure you research what the OPTIMAL is not just the level thats low because you want to stay far away from the low level. Get rid of goyslop food , no maccas ( obvious ) , Treat yourself though don't live like a sad monk.

Does anyone have experience with SSRI's for OCD? I have pretty severe and consuming OCD where it actively disrupts my life. However, I can not afford ERP because it's around 200$ a session, and I generally want to avoid places that take insurance because I do not want to be formally diagnosed with a mental illness. I am worried that my regular doctor would see it under my files and dismiss genuine health concerns as "health anxiety" and take me less seriously. I am looking into fluvoxamine because it seems more benign compared to others and potentially has less of an effect on weight. The other extremely important thing is not having my cognitive ability impacted since I am in a very difficult college major. Am I just going to grit my teeth until I am out of college? What are my options?

>>20054 Same lainon here. Also, in the meantime, I am looking into starting sarcosine to see if it will have any positive impacts. I tried NAC a while ago, but it honestly didn't do anything. I know I tried 5-HTP, and that helped subtly after over a month of usage, but I am trying to be careful with playing with my own brain chemistry without the supervision of a doctor.

>>20054 >I'm not going to get help because I'm worried I also have OCD and this is OCD talking. Two big things 1. How can you know? 2. What's the worst thing that could actually happen? (do not ruminate after asking yourself this) My first suggestion is start a mindfulness practice and meditate every day. Ten minutes is fine. Focus on the air entering your nose at your nostrils and then back out. Normal breathing. When you notice yourself in thought of anything other than breathing, gently guide yourself back to focusing on the breath. I like to mentally say "in, out". Yes this actually helps. No do not go in with the intention everything will be solved immediately. The difference is you are consciously taking ten minutes or more every day to observe what you think instead of immediately acting on it. "I want to vacuum my room and wipe down my desk again, because I think I did not do it right the first time" - now you can just observe it, see how long it lasts, and then let it go. Back to the breath. Believe it or not you do not have to immediately clean straighten or make something perfect even if the thought pops into your head and is telling you to do it. My second suggestion is to embrace stoic philosophy (not Andrew Tate's definition) and accept things outside of your control. I used to people please to a degree it would cause me distress, and in the end one of the things I was really trying to avoid ended up happening anyways. People, things, and events are going to do what they do and happen as they do regardless of much you strain yourself trying to prevent or fix them. NOCD has some good videos, especially this one for checking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGNHlSbP72s I've done basically the entire cycle for OCD treatment including when I was on 200mg of Zoloft and eventually tapered off of it. I don't do drugs and was lurking here by happenstance (watching Serial Experiments for the first time) but I figured I should post this advice. One thing to remember is that OCD literally does not go away. You will most likely always have a voice in your head telling you something is not perfect or "right", and it will break out like herpes in stressful situations. The important part is learning how to deal with it so it becomes a nonissue and just another thought that passes through your head instead of an obligation you don't want to go through with. Also, as far as I know, therapy is different from being prescribed anything and won't show up on something like MyChart for getting insurance to pay for it. But that shouldn't matter anyway because it's all confidential, if your doctor isn't treating you fairly then just get a new one, and so on man. Don't let fear stop you from living your life. There's nothing to be afraid of. You got this, unironically.

>>20052 Good info! Great, thank you, didn't know I need "Magnesium L-Threonate" rather than any Mg+; I am looking forward to print your post as a reminder to take my vitas to avoid going back to the pit ive found myself this season. I think I have a couple of concerns though. 1. Should I eat non-slop food in secret? My mother is awfuly keen on cooking sloppy food for me. 2. K2, Vita-C, Celtic salt Simply put - what may happen to me if I lack either?

>>20083 Phone posting so I'll answer some of these as my information/research is on a PC >eat non slop food in secret I don't believe you should , you def could set an example of eating half decent food that's actually fuel for your body. You could perhaps talk to your family about the food you want to eat and tell them about slop soykaf food and that no matter anyone's age you'll still benefit. I'm curious as to what food she's cooking that will be regarded as slop? I've had stages where I neglected my vitamins too sometimes even after a couple of months , but I always go back stronger and longer after, hence why that list is pretty decent as I spent awhile discovering a near perfect stack ( For me & Perhaps a lot of other people ) that's I'm currently taking As for lacking vitamins there is so many problems you can get just go down the rabbit hole of researching and most important is getting a blood screening done , but like I said even if they say "its not crazy low" it means its not optimal you want to stag FAR away from what they consider is low. Having too much of of certain ones is bad , from the top of my head I know having too much iron is bad for your organs

>>20070 Original lainon, here. Sorry for the delayed response. I've been rather busy. >this is OCD talking. That makes sense. >1. How can you know? Mainly just observing family member's experiences with the mental health system and asking people about their experiences with SSRI's. >2. What's the worst thing that could actually happen? (do not ruminate after asking yourself this) Well, I end up fuarrrking up my cognitive ability which hinders my ability to meaningfully graduate. I mess up my brain chemistry in a way that I can't go back to normal. I had a friend who took psych meds, and they told me they had issues with urination that didn't go away. >meditation I have tried that, actually, but it didn't have much of a significant impact. >embrace stoic philosphy Actually, when I have had free time, that's what I've been doing. I've been reading a bit of Marcus Aurelius. I quite enjoy what I've read so far, but I feel like it's helped me more with some of my negative thought patterns unrelated to OCD rather than the OCD-specific thought patterns. >NOCD has some good videos, especially this one for checking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGNHlSbP72s I'll check out that playlist. That looks really helpful. Thank you. >I've done basically the entire cycle for OCD treatment including when I was on 200mg of Zoloft and eventually tapered off of it. I don't do drugs and was lurking here by happenstance (watching Serial Experiments for the first time) but I figured I should post this advice. One thing to remember is that OCD literally does not go away. You will most likely always have a voice in your head telling you something is not perfect or "right", and it will break out like herpes in stressful situations. The important part is learning how to deal with it so it becomes a nonissue and just another thought that passes through your head instead of an obligation you don't want to go through with. Interesting. What was your experience with Zoloft? What led you to taper off of it? Hm, I've tried going without doing a specific ritual for about 2 months, and although I did not act on it, I constantly felt wired and uncomfortable -- the feeling like something was wrong, and it quite impacted my quality of life. I didn't feel normal until I finally did it. >Also, as far as I know, therapy is different from being prescribed anything and won't show up on something like MyChart for getting insurance to pay for it. But that shouldn't matter anyway because it's all confidential, if your doctor isn't treating you fairly then just get a new one, and so on man. Don't let fear stop you from living your life. There's nothing to be afraid of. I am open to therapy, but as I said, the relevant therapies for me are too expensive at the current moment. I am still deliberating on medication. I am able to get medication through my uni's psychiatrist, and from what they've told me, it's a cash-only clinic, and it doesn't go on your formal record. I am particularly looking into starting fluvoxamine since it seems like one of the better SSRI's. As far as I know, there's lesser risk of weigh gain on it, and apparently, it does stuff to the sigma receptors which apparently may mitigate the negative cognitive impacts that regular SSRI's cause. Also, I will comment that I have started sarcosine -- currently at 500mg, planning to ramp up to 1g next week, and maybe 1.5g the week after that depending on how it affects me. So far, although it's early to tell, it does seem more effective than 5-HTP was. The effects are subtle but drastic. Unrelated to the OCD, my thoughts feel clearer than they've felt in a while, and I feel my memory recall is slightly more vivid. I generally feel a slight upliftedness and a vague sense of well-being. It feels easier to get started on tasks than normal. Otherwise, when it comes to the OCD related stuff, I found that my hand brushed an area that I was unsure if I cleaned or not. Normally, my brain would've planted doubt in the memory that I cleaned it, and my hand would become "contaminated" to which I would have to use hand sanitizer. However, since starting the sarcosine, I was able to reassure myself that I indeed cleaned it, and instead of my brain fighting back on me and creating uncertainness or discomfort, I was able to re-assure myself, so I didn't have to use any hand-sanitizer. Later in the night, the same thing happened, where my hand brushed an area I would consider "contaminated." I laid in my bed, and instead of my bed feeling like it was completely "contaminated" and having the compulsive urge to re-wash my sheets, my brain weirdly let go of it, and I went to sleep comfortably without any anxiety. I also notice that I am not re-doing as many of my rituals, because it's like something in my brain jigged to make the action register correctly more frequently. I think if the sarcosine stops working or plateaus, I may just break down and start an SSRI. However, I will do it starting from a low dose, and do it outside of the semester.

>>20054 In my experience meds don't work for OCD. The only thing that helped me therapy. You can try it. Get someone who you can trust to check that you take steps to control and unlearn your OCD compulsions. You need to agree upon the next small but meaningful step each week or bi-weekly.

>>20212 Unfortunately, I don't have the time for this, and I don't have anyone who I trust. Anyone who I have tried to open up to only dismissed me and said that things make them uncomfortable all the time. But that's different from washing your hands to the point that they look deeply scarred and counting your steps for 8 hours until you legitimately pass out and then wake up in a panic because you couldn't complete that ritual. If you're talking about paying for therapy, then I can not afford it.

>>19788 I don't like SSRIs (or SNRIs) because I have been using them and I now got erectile dysfunction. Switching to Vortioxetine didn't help and it's mainly serotonin reuptake inhibitor anyway. I would rather use MAOIs or TCAs (or classical psychedelics) instead! I don't get why long term sexual side-effects are acceptable because the drug would get derezzed, if the drug caused the patients to loose their ability to feel their toes. But how are the genitals any different? >>19794 >mirtazapine It can cause weight gain in the long run, though, but it doesn't have many other issues (such as PSSD (Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction) or effects on the QT interval). It doesn't even have significant anticholinergic side-effects, unlike TCAs.

>>20218 MAOI's are goated but the only one that didnt interact with every food/drug on the planet and cause hypertensive crisis's ime was bifemelane which is a pain in the ass. if you do go with parnate be very careful with cheese/soysauce/fried chicken & make sure to avoid the novitium generic like the plague- its paradoxically sedating

i've been going on and off olanzapine the past few years. i was originally on it because i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and after trying tons of different psych drugs i tried olanzapine and it was the only one that actually made me feel better and stabilized my moods, but after being on it long-term i eventually get sick of the sleepiness and brain fog it causes and i'll get off of it for a while, then eventually i'll have some terrible mental health crisis that makes me get back on it again. about a year ago i was finally diagnosed with autism and my psychiatrist who diagnosed me told me i was probably misdiagnosed as bipolar and we tried a few different meds for anxiety but none of them seemed to do anything for me at all and i landed back on olanzapine again because it seems to be the only thing that works for me. but lately i've been getting tired of the drowsiness and brain fog again, i've found it impossible to do anything creative or be interested in the things i normally like to do like writing or painting or whatever, so i've decided to get off of it again. i don't really know what's going on with me mentally these days, i'm thinking i probably don't have bipolar disorder but i think there's more to it than just autism because i seem to have schizotypal like symptoms when i'm not taking an antipsychotic, paranoia and thinking everyone is against me and stuff like that. i'm not really sure what to do at this point, i feel like i've taken every medication there is, i've been seeing psychiatrists and therapists for the past ten years and it seems like i havent really made much progress in terms of being more stable and functional.

>>20258 have you tried sarcosine?

>>20261 i haven't tried that one, but i've tried so many different drugs and supplements over the years and the fact that i've had so little success with meds plus recently being diagnosed as autistic makes me think that whatever is going on with me is not something that can be easily treated with medication, like maybe my depressive/psychotic episodes are just autistic burnout and my problems are more neurological than psychological.

Bupropion and an ssri, i took for 3 years and was told id need to be on it for life probably but in those 3 years it was able to stave off the intrusive depressive and disastrous thoughts enough for me to have space to build some coping skills. I was on parents insurance as young adult but at some point when I hit 24 or some soykaf it ran out and so I just stopped the meds instead of trying for something else. The coping skills remained and though I do struggle more with my mdd now then when I was on the meds, and also have bouts of self medicating (on and off addiction), but overall I think I was left with enough to not NEED the meds. Its really just when the weather is bad or im not working or in school or filling up my days somehow that I get something even approaching suicidal these days and it usually quickly fades from my mind. And literally as long as im not suicidal I dont consider the meds necessary because if im alive and not totally preoccupied with death and hurting myself then there is space to cope. So it was kind of best case scenario I was able to take it for some years and see that my brain can work differently and try to approach what I liked about that different version of me by just rephrasing negative thoughts and knowing that even if I feel like something i normally love suddenly isnt fun and feels pointless that the anhedonia will fade if I just keep up with it. And when thats not enough I can use my negativity against it and remind myself that if I dont do this thing I signed up for and was enjoying that its gonna keep the depression cycle going cause when the feelings come back il hate myself for not sticking with it and back to feeling like whats the point. I will say in retrospect I think the space to think and distance to analyze my feelings without collapsing that I got from ssri's just as easily could have been achieved with less dependency via ketamine. I always had sleep paralysis and the odd brain zap even before meds but even years later after stopping they seem 2 be permanently more frequent. Small price to pay, I kind of like having regular sleep paralysis cause most people i talk to havent even had it once and just know about it from some dramatized youtube video with scary music and talk of demons. Which makes it a great response 2 icebreaker "tell me a weird fact about yourself" type questions, i always get follow up questions.