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Im not addicted to any particular substance but I cant remember the last time I spent a day sober so Im starting to think its gotten out of hand. Ive not been doing too good mentally recently and my lifestyle is probably gonna kill me if I dont get my soykaf together atleast a bit. I want to try to reduce my substance use to a more reasonable level. Goal is to not spend every single waking hour fuarrrked on some soykaf. Right now last times Ive used are: >benzos, last week >opioids, last week >dissos, week before last week >alcohol, saturday >weed, yesterday >amphetamines, right now >nicotine, today I just want to journal my thoughts and how Im doing somewhere so I guess this is where Im gonna do it. Welcome to laugh at this junkie’s upcoming relapses and post your own progress in maybe not recovery but substance abuse management or something. Ran out of weed and honestly the thought about not being high this evening scares me.

>>18981 Good luck lainon. Maybe check if there's a thread for recovery/maintenance in other chans like 420chan. What process are you thinking about using to cut back and/or cut things out? I would just pick one and quit it entirely, using the other substances to offset my wanting for the one I'm quitting. I'm just a nicotine/caffeine/weed lainon but I've had to drink more coffee to quit nicotine before because I started doing it too much for my liking. Maybe dissect why you do a drug and then figure out better ways to get that satisfaction? Who knows. I'm not into harder drugs so I just hope I don't sound like I'm saying the equivalent to "have you tried NOT being depressed?"

>>18982 Thanks! Not exactly the advice I need but it's not bad advice and could be useful to someone else reading. I've had a lot of time to think about these things already and I've went through times of recovery and relapsing again before in my life (I'm also very mentally ill and at this point I don't believe that I can ever fully permanently recover and I think that using drugs sometimes can improve your quality of life) so I know what works for me. I'm focusing on downers, especially alcohol first because nothing is better at throwing me out of the frying pan into the fire than a good old drinking binge. Other downers have not become that big of an issue for me yet so not doing them probably won't prove too difficult but I'm stopping them too because I think I've been doing too many of them too and I definitely don't want a fuarrrking benzo or an opioid addiction on top of all my other issues. When I'm feeling confident enough that I can handle not being able to ignore my problems by getting wasted I'll start seeing how I can cut down on my weed consumption more. For now I'm attempting to only smoke on evenings after I don't have any tasks left. Nicotine is a nice little stress management thing but not healthy in the long run and really doesn't make me feel that good really. Still figuring out what I should do with that one. Amphetamines are the most complicated one because I have ADHD and have some on prescription and I really actually do need them but I sometimes use them recreationally too and I also snort lines of street speed in addition to taking my prescribed meds. What I'm mostly worried about with them is that I'm getting a massive tolerance to them but I also cant function without them so cutting down on their consumption is going to be very tricky. Then there's some other soykafty habits I'm trying to work on such as my fuarrrked up sleep schedule (I'm employed so I have horrible sleep deprivation due to it) and total lack of exercise. I hope taking some first steps will help me with working on these too.

>>18983 Good to see behind the curtains some. For me magnesium and vitamin B1 help with my ADHD a lot. I gave them a try because I heard that magnesium and zinc were two of the things most modern people are deficient in then I found B1 later. If you take B1 you should also make sure to take iodine, a vitamin B & C supplement, and magnesium because those are what B1 requires to work and that was further proof for me that magnesium was something I seriously lacked. I've had friends in the past have their ADHD symptoms mitigated with Lions Mane and Magnesium but Lions Mane didn't do anything for me. From what they told me both worked the same way. If you wanna try B1 then I can recommend the brand Objective Nutrients but magnesium's much cheaper if that matters. If it interests you I can write out how to mix magnesium powder with seltzer water to make roughly 2 weeks of doses but IIRC I said it somewhere on lainchan before.

Have not even really wanted to drink this week. So going better than expected. >Ran out of weed and honestly the thought about not being high this evening scares me. Didn't have to worry about that because I got more weed. One step at a time. Makes me feel pathetic but whatever. >>18984 Appreciate the tip about needing to take other stuff with vitamin B, will probably be useful even if that vitamin mix doesn't help me with ADHD specifically.

>>18981 i'm attempting to cut down on my weed usage. currently out of work, so mornings i'll tend to wake n' bake, but i've noticed that's hindered some of the goals i've set for myself during this period

Picked up the guitar again. Can't play for soykaf but maybe I'll get slightly better again this time. Been meaning to learn since I was 13 but just can never build good learning habits. >>18986 Good luck, Lain! Any drug habit is really hard to break. I've had periods in my life where I've started smoking in the morning, it really turns you into a fuarrrking slob. Now that I'm no longer unemployed I don't wake n' bake but just can't chill in the evenings without a few bowls.

Ended up drinking a glass of booze today

Yesterday was the first evening I wasn't high on weed in god knows how long.

Good lord I want to get soykaffaced drunk soooooo bad fuarrrk

>>18988 It happens, don't let it cloud your view from the progress made overall. >>19008 Congrats! >>19018 Just sleep or distract yourself with vidya. Go find a copy of Crash 2 or something easy to start, challenging enough, and takes a while to complete. Do you have any favorite consoles or game genres?

>>19019 I didn't get drunk, ended up watching a movie in the evening. This (around 2 weeks of not being drunk) is where the hard zone of staying off alcohol starts for me usually. The enthusiasm that drives me at the start has largely worn off and the realization that while not drinking does make me feel slightly better but I still feel like soykaf most of the time kicks in and I crave the much higher short term reward of getting drunk. I think about drinking constantly. My mind tricks me into entertaining myself with new ideas of how and where and what I should drink, oh how fun it would be! It would be impossible and senseless to try to keep myself distracted all the time. Sweet lies about how if I just have some fun once the thirst will go away but I know that in reality nothing will satisfy the thirst even if I'd spend all my waking hours lying on the couch half-conscious drinking cheap beer and vodka. Truly I'm stuck in a hell of my own making and this is what will probably kill me in the end but still I want it so so much. I'm not a big console gamer. Spent my childhood on a cheap PC. Also I suck at games that are more gameplay oriented like platformers. I like roguelikes and strategy games and such. Been playing Dwarf Fortress again. It's probably my favorite game of all time, ticks all the right boxes in my head.

>>19021 Reading my own post I'm thinking that I really should not touch that poison ever again. What the fuarrrk have I done to myself. Alcohol makes me a horrible person. No other drug does the same thing. Still I like some of the things that being drunk does to my personality. The confidence and the laid back attitude. But it also turns me into a complete asshole. A violent asshole. It's in my blood. A relative of mine killed his son with a shotgun while drunk. I've done some awful awful things too. Don't understand why the people around me are so forgiving. Shouldn't drink again. I should know better. But I always will.

>>19022 This is one reason why I made this thread. So I'd have some of these thoughts written down somewhere and I could go back to them whenever I'd feel like drinking. Or when I am drinking and considering stopping. When the part of me that wants to keep going and the part of me that knows that I need to stop are playing their infernal game of chess.

тебе не обязательно сейчас что-то решать или бороться самостоятельно, на самом деле, у тебя все далеко не потеряно, пока ты осознаешь это, пока ты сохраняешь хоть каплю сознания и понимая что с тобой происходит. с тобой все будет потеряно только тогда, когда ты перестанешь осознавать что-либо и уж тем более банально признавать свое положение сейчас, моя мать тоже зависима, и поверь, действительно потерянные люди это худшее что можно наблюдать собственными глазами, пока ты осознаешь что происходит с тобой, держись за эти мысли, ты можешь жить так, делать что-то самостоятельно, или же попросить о помощи, но если ты выберешь ничего не делать, сам знаешь куда это приведет

Today I went to help a relative with some chores and started a sewing project I hope I can finish tomorrow. A nice day I would say. >>19024 Despite being a pretty hopeless alcoholic I don't understand russian :p Did translate the message though.

>>19023 I'm completely fine drunk, but I really fuarrrked my body up drinking, blacking out on average twice a week for 2 years kind of bad. Now when I drink my right forearm gets a kind of nerve damage, I lose all grip for a good 8 hours. I stopped drinking roughly May 27th 2024 after downing a 70cl bottle of white rum and really hurting myself. My only exception has been on May 24th this year, at a university friends wedding, I had half a dozen beers, and it gave me the same pain after almost an entire year of abstaining. My best tip to anybody reading this, is NEO. Not even one. Replace it with a non-alcoholic alternative, not even low alcohol. I highly recommend 0% Thatchers Cider if you can get it, it gives the fermented taste but without the alcohol. That stuff keeps me on the wagon.

>>19028 I think non alcohol drinks are good for some people, esp if you're out at a pub or in a social setting where you're expected to drink. Although it can be a gateway to relapse

I still can't decide between drinking and not drinking. My health seems to be fvcked either way and it's really hard to estimate the role of drinking in this, or even if it's more damaging than beneficial. The most I ever drink is 3-4 beers a day, and I mostly only drink beer. I've had concerning blood tests that no one could explain for many years, also I have something weird in my ears, nose and throat. When I stop drinking, I get weird symptoms like intense throat pains in past, and now, scary brain pains, like, in the inner part of the brain, around pituary and up from there to the top of the head. Having a few beers again now and feeling better. I've had some schizo theories that xanthohumol in beer helps some viral soykaf I have, but I'm well aware how crazy and questionable it is. I've been hearing voices for like 5 years and in this regard drinking is mostly irrelevant.

>>19030 that's totally valid. Funnily or not so funnily, I got addicted to binge drinking the 0% cider, in a way similar to how I was with actual alcohol, so I'd spend a ton of money, just case after case of them every week. My wallet soon put a stop to that. >>19031 Drop the maximum number of beers, it certainly doing some harm. Set a hard limit of 3 and drop it down to 2 when you feel like you can manage, and keep it there for a couple months if you can manage before dropping it to 1 and then 0. And hell, If possible, go seek help about the pain, its impossible for me over the internet to tell how much of this is health anxiety and how much is caused by disease. Hearing voices is another thing and honestly there isn't much anybody can do for you, other than point you towards Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, just look for some online worksheets, you might find it helps.

>>19033 > Drop the maximum number of beers, it certainly doing some harm. Set a hard limit of 3 and drop it down to 2 when you feel like you can manage, and keep it there for a couple months if you can manage before dropping it to 1 and then 0. Yeah, 4 is like an upper bound of what I even tried. Today I had two after a week or more of not drinking at all (and having weird pains for the last few days). Last time I had three was maybe in June, and when it's three it's usually something like 2x*0.33 + 1x0.5 rather than 3x0.5. > Hearing voices is another thing and honestly there isn't much anybody can do for you, other than point you towards Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I just ignore them. Almost a non-issue nowadays. Once in a while I get into irritable mood where they are particularly annoying, but that doesn't happen often. > its impossible for me over the internet to tell how much of this is health anxiety and how much is caused by disease Not possible to step outside of appartment in nearby future unfortunately. I get weird reactions with tea/coffee and various food sometimes. One day drinking tea made it feel like my pituary is bleeding but the other day I have some pain and after I drink tea or coffee it goes away. But I drink tea and coffee all the time so in the big picture it is statistically nothing. I considered a tumor, but it doesn't happen too much, there's nothing permanent, no vision or functional problems, etc.

>>19028 My view is that NEO isn't a very healthy relation ship with alcohol either and makes you relapse harder when you do relapse but maybe thats just a drunkard cope.

>>18981 >>19037 most drugs are literal poison. alcohol is one. most stimulants like caffeine, ephedrine, nicotine come from plants, which use these compounds to make bugs die from overdose when they eat them. when you start meditating this becomes very clear and you no longer feel the pull of substances. look up some instructions and do 20 min a day for results. however this will not help existing addictions. another thing you can do is to become aware of drinking. concentrate on the taste of alcohol, the sensations, changes in vision, awareness, how it makes you feel etc. what i would do if there are little to no responsibilities is to cut out everything for a good few months. there will be no motivation and you will be depressed just sleeping and eating most of the time but it shows what being sober looks like and that it is possible to stay that way. good luck

Your still a baby as far as the drug scene goes stop whining over babysteps

>>19037 I must of written half an essay just to remove it before cause I've been constantly doubting both what I'm writing and what I want out of abstaining. Even now I question, do I want to be able to have a pint without the urge to drink more? and I'm still not sure, it'd be nice, but it also seems a bit pointless as I don't crave a first beer buzz. One things for sure though, I ain't gonna hurt myself over and over again to figure that one out. Still not written the way that I like to write but I've probably spent the good part of an hour writing this ffs.

>>19039 >>19039 >most drugs what drugs aren't then lainon? imo some drugs are good depending on how they're used, take amphetamines for example. If you misuse them you become a crackhead, if you use them the right way you can become a god. It's a very fine line to follow and circumvent falling into the trap. Same goes with oxycodone and how effective it is with treating pain.

>>19039 Humans love poisons. >>19040 Hey now while I'm not the most hardcore junkie I've done quite a few drugs during my career. What give you this impression?

>>19042 >same goes with oxycodone idk I re-pierced my nose on oxy and it still fuarrrking hurt. honestly not a way to not fall into that trap, after the heaven oxy gives you real life is fuarrrking unbearable. and its like a zombie apocalypse where I live with all the damn crackheads, some stuff just isn't to be messed with if you have a reason to live

Checking in again, how's reducing your average intake going lainon? I had to quit nicotine pouches about a week ago, taking in a lot more sugar to help cravings but ik they'll be the worst in another 2-3 weeks then stop. I believe in you lainon, you can do it.

>>19065 Abstaining from drinking alcohol is going quite well. Other substances… well I kinda overdosed on speed today and now I’m on a nice downer combo to smoothen the comedown :D atm dont really mind because alcohol is my biggest problem and other things dont literally make me worse as a person in the same way and compared to alcohol cravings I barely crave anything else in the same way. Most important thing is that I’ve not been fuarrrked on some soykaf 24/7 recently so I’m fine with the situation for now.

>>19068 Awesome dude! It just keeps getting better from here.

This is the only thread that's mostly being bumped by a single person that I don't absolutely despise.

>>19042 Having used over 80 different drugs (wrote a list when I was trying to change), I can tell you every single drug has negatives, if you don't copy me and you take breaks there are few if any negatives, the catch is humans choosing to do something that they know is a bad idea not the drug itself.

>>19078 >80 different drugs (wrote a list when I was trying to change) I'm having a hard time imagining 80 different (illegal ?) drugs that could reasonably be worth doing, at least without splitting hairs (Adderall is technically 4 different drugs mixed together, etc.). Could you post your list here, and possibly give your thoughts on the most interesting/unknown ones?

>>19074 Life is a great rollercoaster. >>19075 I dont think I have many redeeming qualities but I’m happy to hear that, thanks. >>19079 Not him but there’s tons and tons of research chemicals and more are invented probably every day. Having done 80 drugs is not that far fetched.

please keep going and keep posting anon, trying to quit alcohol myself and have developed a weird sickness the past week. not sure what to do. maybe tapering off too quickly? now it makes me feel worse i think though. dont know what to do stuck part way from no where

>>19082 If you haven't been keeping track of your alcohol intake ranging from your highest amount and/or before you decided to quit to now you should start doing that. Choose to do it on paper or digitally whichever keeps you consistent about it. Do it if for no other reason than to decongest your head and so you have information to give other lainons so you can get a better answer for if you're tapering off too quickly. I'd try upping the amount of alcohol back up a bit and trying to plateau at that amount to see if the sickness goes away while also asking others in different circles for quitting alcohol if this sickness is related to quitting and if there's anything specific you can do to help deal with it. Gl on your journey.

>>19088 slept until 1-2 pm on/off today after falling asleep around 9:30 pm yesterday (was a fairly wakeful night not more than 2 hours or so asleep at a time), posting this a bit after midnight now. no alcohol today (well one sip but i immediately felt bad after, physically), for the past week taking the max ibprofen and acetaminophen per day to help with migraine and body pain. still a pain behind my eyes when i look anywhere but straight. waking up at night my body hurts all over. starting to get tired now. was consuming about 1.75L of vodka p/wk on avg, 80 proof. at worst maybe 1.75-2L of 100 proof whiskey per week. a month ago still consuming about 1.75L p/week of 80-100 proof vodka. beer mixed in as well. will keep updating this thread even if im not the main anon in effort to give others something to read and myself something to look back on with OP good luck anons.

>>19094 Thats 5-6 drinks a day. Definitely gonna catch up with you. Definitely cut that out, before its too late. Next stage is 6-12 drinks a day and then you are gonna be absolutely screwed.

>>19095 day two, no alcohol. almost midnight, work in the AM. sleep soon, had to take less OTC pain meds today. so far so good. i think what brought the illness on was going back to whiskey from mostly beer with some vodka the past couple months, and not having blacked out much if any within the past month. i saw somewhere online that after experiencing withdrawl from alcohol once your body will basically make it much worse the next time. but yea about 3 months ago i was blacking out every night and have been blacking out most nights for the past 2.5ish+ years after getting off some prescription meds to get me off of some other drugs anyways i will update again tomorrow.

Bumping to let OP and other struggling lainons know there's interest in hearing how things are developing. I know y'all are doing better, even if you're in a slump right now just zoom out and you'll see it's the beginning of it getting better. Keep going.

>>19108 >i saw somewhere online that after experiencing withdrawl from alcohol once your body will basically make it much worse the next time true and real it's called kindling and it's a form of rebound glutamte excitotoxicity, leading to neuron death. It is irreversible. I'm a fellow alcoholic, and after experiencing withdrawals several times, i get severe wds from only 2 days of not super heavy drinking, no matter how many months or years i go clean between them. Tapering is essential, the process is longer but way less damaging. But substitution with a benzodiazepine and tapering that is way better because of their longer half life

>>19108 today is night 6 no alcohol if my math is correct. i have been feeling better every day this week. last week was pure hell. im down to 1000 mg of acetaminophen so far taken today. much better than 2000mg acetaminophen and 2000mg ibuprofen per day. i think im going to drink tomorrow night and see how it feels, but i dont plan to drink saturday or sunday or really any time again until maybe next friday if i do drink again. ive been enjoying not being controlled by my habit. >>19138 thank you lainon >>19139 i greatly appreciate the info. i was doing fine tapering until i bought a bottle of the whiskey i used to drink at my worst, it incited almost instant 'covid like' symptoms of migraine and body pain for what has now been two weeks after a few days of use in very low quantity. anyways, i will update again soon.

OP here again. Almost a month without getting drunk now. Been on sick leave due to mental health issues for a few weeks now and have managed to reduce my stimulant intake a bit too. Weed tolerance is at a ridiculous level at the moment and smoking it has just felt really dumb recently because it barely does anything. Still don't want to try to stop.

>>19142 hey lainon, other detox poster here. glad to see you are doing well at a month without getting drunk it seems i cant drink any alcohol at all at this point without getting sick for at least a week given both times i tried to drink again after spending some days without any i got sick the following days. when you say you haven't gotten drunk, are you still drinking at all? are you still tapering? i feel like i got hit by a freight train for days on end if i have anything to drink now and i'm not sure how long it'll be like this or if it'll ever stop. i do miss drinking and i'm sure if i went back to drinking daily i wouldn't have to endure the sickness that comes with one night of a couple drinks, but i cant go back to that. the freedom from the grip of the routine i had to live by is intoxicating in itself almost. that being said i do want to be able to enjoy a few drinks on a friday night and not spend all week recovering. anyways god speed lainon

>>18982 >like 420chan Did you not know its been shutdown for a while? There are boards on a few sites though dedicated to it.

>>19238 Learn to reed wannabe slave labourer commie

>>19247 How can you check something on a website if that website isn't online anymore?

>>19260 Strawman fallacy - changing what someone said to suit / enable your own argument Read the thread fool

it meant "in other chans that are like 420chan" not "in other chans, such as 420chan" ni​gg​ert​its

OP here, due to circumstances, I'm drinking today.

>>19278 hey op, other detox lainon here. went all week without a drink but had a few friday night and maybe one and a half last night. how are you hanging in yourself? i found it harder to fall asleep last night after sleeping like a baby all week

>>19280 Nice, that's a good start. I've always had sleeping issues whether sober or not. Generally been doing okay. Returned to work from a pretty long sick leave this week. Thinking about quiting maybe next year. My head cant take a 9-5 job. I think its fuarrrking sick. Spending most of your free time slaving away. Today had a real soykafshow of a day so I went to a bar.

General support lainon again. I thought of something while reading the new posts. Maybe write letters to yourself? Write to yourself maybe a week into the future about why you're doing this and how you're feeling then. What you've already accomplished. Then fold it up and put the date for when you're gonna open it on the outside of the letter and keep it somewhere you'll see it every day. If nothing else it cements your effort physically and can act as a reminder that even though things might still be bad it's not like you're still at the first step to getting clean. Will also totally admit I don't have experiences with drugs besides nicotine and weed so tell me if there's anything I'm not gonna understand from that outside perspective. I'm just approaching the problem from what I think is a fair, neutral stance.

>>19281 before i started getting off the constant blacking out every night, I left my stable job of 2 years. I'm much happier with my new career choice even with a significant pay cut for the time being. good luck with leaving your job it can be a major factor in the aboose. I didn't drink last night and slept like a baby, I'm still tired and it seems I'm tired all the time now. I haven't slept this well since I was on scripts. but then I couldn't tell up from down and had a thick fog over my mind constantly. I try not to beat myself up about having the occasional drink but my body physically tortured me when I slipped up while i was still going through withdraws. have you experienced this? >>19282 having a physical reminder isn't the worst idea at all however I live with my gf want her to have to think about this. she has her own things she's dealing with and that's another can of worms but right now I think I need to be strong for her. you could call us both alcoholics and shes fighting her own fight right now. she has a longer history with alcohol but it seems like she has things under control well enough I hope every lainon has a good week this week, I am writing this before I go to work at my new job I never even considered until after I spent 3-4 months off work and it fell in my lap. it gets better frens, god speed

>>19278 to be honest getting wasted just reminded me how stupid it is. fuarrrk I really don't want to be drinking that soykaf anymore. >>19282 I write a diary already, could leave messages for future me there. I like reading the older entries anyway. It does help me somehow get a clearer picture of things.

>>19283 been drinking all week, blacked out last night and broke a lamp hurt myself a bit in the process fuark

>>19309 still havent gone a night without drinking again. blacking out most nights, dont really have a reason to but still keep drinking. gonna try to slow down again fuark

>>19337 Keep trying, never give up. Booze is unbelievably destructive. Looking forward to quitting weed and alcohol myself. Have reduced use extremely so far. Will report back. >T. Ibogaine anon

Dropping weed and alcohol completely. fuarrrk counting days. Just do it. Coffee/Tea during the day, and a nice dose of kava at night is all you need. Keep pushing bros.

>>19337 Sometimes it's just consistently trying, even though it doesn't last long, that makes the difference. One day something in your situation changes whether it's meeting someone or something clicking different in your head or however it happens and suddenly it feels like you're able to try again for the 1000th time and go further. It fuarrrking is like kicking dead whales down the beach, true, but I know you can do it. Maybe put booze money towards doing something that gets you out of the house to help break up whatever you're feeling. Dunno your situation or schedule but maybe it's worth looking into finding something new you can do that'll keep your mind off drinking.

>>19343 >>19380 >>19381 thanks lainons. this week ive gone 3 days without blacking out and one day with no alcohol. doing better than the past couple weeks OP how are you doing?

>>19386 Been through some rough stuff recently. Havent drank but Im in the good old cycle of doing tons of speed during the day and popping benzos in the evenings.

Had a pretty bad day today. Had 1 beer and about to have a lil dose of some THC + CBD just to relax for the night. Tomorrow WILL be better. I gotta count my blessings and find peace. At least I didnt smoke or anything like that. Anyone else like I love lucy? https://cytu.be/r/i-love-lucy

OP here again. Managed to reduce drinking to a good one glass of beer per week but have slipped a bit in recent weeks. Week before last week I drank around 5 beers and last week I drank three. To be fair those were at gigs but based on experience it's easy for drinking to get out of control if I start allowing excuses like that. First it's gonna be that drinking a couple of beers at gigs is fine, then it's that five beers is fine on special occasions and soon these "special occasions" occur every few days and after that I just get wasted every day again because I'm drinking every other day so whatever. Stopped popping benzos daily after my last post so thats good.

>>19408 Happy to hear about your progress! Has anything specific been helping you quit or is it just from time and determination?

>>19408 glad to hear it OP. still drinking excessively over here again but not to the same extent as before

It started again yesterday. 0,5l of vodka, one Weissbier and then jellies, lots of. Getting on this speedway means going after the dragon, and since diamorphine is nowhere to been found, its fent probably and that is tricky one to dose.

>>19605 For the love of God man, please just stop. It never is going to change, every time you go back its gonna get worse till till it kills you. >3.5 years clean after 10 years of opiate addiction today

>>19609 Brethen, I know. I'd like to write some intelligble (lol) words here, but I can not. Twice in A, four months each and then in 2015, nine months in U... damn, those were the best months of my miserable life.

>>19610 Please don’t do opis of any form man, seriously. And please stop drinking. I’m still struggling to completely quit alcohol and weed but I only use them in very small amounts when I do. If you are getting absolutely blasted on booze and weed (I guess that’s what you meant by jellies??? Weed gummies?) you should try harder to quit for real, drinking especially in those amounts you posted in going to send you to a private hell hard body.

do ya'll work? having a couple beer after work isn't a bad thing

>>19710 i think he meant jellies like benzos like in the irvene welsh novel

>>19712 In the novel ecstacy he (the swim main character) talks about temazapam use in the 90s was common in Glasgow area which i believe they called jellies as they looked like jelly beans with gooey gel stuff in it.

>>19712 >>19714 That plus massive amounts of alcohol possibly leading to opiate relapse is the most deadly cocktail imaginable.

>>19712 Yeah, I meant Temazepam in reference to the Scottish slang term, but in fact I was using both Diazepam (Diapam ie. Valium) and Clonazepam (Rivotril). But what in the holy hell I meant here >>19610 , I've no idea. It was one crazy week and a half, but actually I ended up using fent alone only six times on two days, but Rivotrils were definitely with-in half-life there working. Boy I tell that fentanyl is hard to dose; I was very cautios, but still ended up using little bit too much everytime, but obviously no fatal OD. Mixing litre of 40% vodka and few 8% bears everyday with lots of said benzos was the real bummer though, was literal zombie. Ended up in ER to detox (went there myself). I simply cannot drink alcohol, it will start that self-destructive i-take-everything -mode. That soykaf has to stop right here, there is easier ways to die - not that I want to. I could do with psilocybe mushrooms though.

>>19718 >Yeah, I meant Temazepam in reference to the Scottish slang term, based laddy. i am also scottish

>>19718 Do some shrooms and turn over a new years leaf. That is my plan as well.

>>19719 Know me, Scott and Finn no different. >>19727 Went for psilocybe semilanceata, nowhere to be found.

>>19728 Grow your own cubes, that is what I been doing. Im getting tired of using alcohol as a quick fix crutch, when all it does is whittle away at me slowly over time. Even having it in small to moderate amounts just becomes too easily habitual for me. Was abstaining from it quite a lot for a while but the past week fell into drinking a bit. Going to try yet again to get myself away from it. This thread is good, but I need to make a more consolidated effort or its not gonna stick.

>>19728 you could buy aya ingredients and go for a microdose of aya brew

>>19719 Not me being a cunt means so much more =) I'm a Finn.

>>19734 cunt or no, yer still based for tha jellies reference. ive been meaning to read ecstacy, it was my dad, who is a big irvene welsh fan that told me aboot jellies as we were discussing mdma from 90s vs current era

>>19735 While us thinking about... No, sorry I'm still too out of it.

Damn, only sedative I have is Atarax and more than 1,5 hours for Alko's opening. Damn!

>>19738 keep some faa phenibut on hand for these moments and only these moments. that or tiniest shot of iso alc mixed with pepsi if you are daring and desperate enough.

>>19740 ISO ALC? That is straight poison, please do not.

>>19743 exactly, i would urge them NOT to do that but it does work if you were absolutely losing it from no booze. but yeah lol i wasnt too sure i was serious or just doing my drink it for teh lulz sperg humor soykaf

>>19747 Harm reduction, please...

>>19748 Aight but I wasn't actually telling anybody to do that. Just saying it can be done. I actually now renember something, brought that up cause I vaguely remember someone boasting about using iso as it was cheaper and his posts became gradually "eyz8 ajkl nt wrk8ng" that and another guy saying he needed a drink and just mixed a little with Pepsi and held off drinking more

OP reporting again. Some rough stuff going on in my life again. Haven't started drinking which im proud about. Other substance use has also stayed at reasonable levels. Around 12 years ago I remember hoping that maybe 10 years later as an adult I'd be less mentally ill and miserable. Silly kid. >>19410 Honestly I think anhedonia from my depression worsening has helped in this. It's been generally hard to want anything. I just dont care about feeling a bit nicer or numbing my mind for a moment by doing drugs or drinking. >>19603 Good luck! >>19718 Shit thats fuarrrked. Reminds me how some years ago I used to drink tons of vodka with benzos all the time (with whatever other drugs available). Terrible soykaf. Im sure I dont even remember the worst things that happened. >>19740 Ive drank iso alc with pepsi a few times. Gives the most terrible hangovers. Cant recommend. Definitely not good for you. Not worth it.

>>19751 Damn you actually did it. Maybe u were the guy on 420 that talked about it. Oh well, for the last time, no , u guys are obviously rightt that it isn't a good idea what so ever as it has unpredictable damage that could range from kinda drunk and sick to down right coma from the smallest amounts. But you did survive and it did work like ethanol.

OP I know it is easier said than done but just try to accept life for what it is. No needs to feel sorry for yourself to excess. Much of life is a battle against our own mind. Overcoming desperation. Know thyself, lainon. I don't do drugs but struggle with alcoholism. There are many traps you can fall into in life, and addiction is certainly one of them... Gotta find something you want to live for in life, even if life gets soykafty. It is hard to be good in a very evil world. Look deep. Seek and you shall find, o' internet soul.

>>19751 >Terrible soykaf. Im sure I dont even remember the worst things that happened. That is for the best really, as long as you've not hurt anyone physically. For years I used to bonder what the hell have I done while out of it and then stopped caring and feel little less soykaf after a bender. Went to detox again last Thursday. Was not that bad this time. Been working out (pushups and situps) since Sunday night on updward trend and walking at least 10 clicks every day. Apart from the ever presen depression, don't even feel that soykafty and this Christmas silliness can go to hell, I'm alone and will do good things, but no alcohol or bad drugs (benzos or opiates; could do with any psychedelic though).

>>19751 Happy to hear it man! Leave all the dumb crap behind as the new year comes in.

>>19775 You can do it fren. Merry Christmas to ya!

Merry christmas everyone. >>19754 I dont think Ive posted about this on 420 >>19775 Haven't during that period at least anyone who didn't deserve it. During later times while only under influence of alcohol I have hurt someone who least deserved it two times. I'll never forgive it to myself. Good luck.

Aye, on alcohol again. I have closet full of benzos.... but fuarrrk it, and them. Not ever again that bullshit.

>>19832 3 days and only on alcohol... Could be worse.

>>19847 Come on fren, you gotta put in the work if you want this to change. It does not happen on its own. Willingness will not magically come to you, you have to start it up and eventually you will slowly get some inertia behind it.

OP here, drank a bit this week. to be honest feel like everytime I do (i havent drunk even a bit for months) it reminds me of how soykaf drinking is and strengtens my resolve to keep not drinking.

Managed to actually go without any drugs for a week but now back at my old habits. Didn't intend for it to be permanent, just wanted to see if even I could manage to be sober for a while anymore. Got some physical withdrawal symptoms from amphetamine but they went away in a few days, good to know.

>>20010 glad you're okay :) I hope you get out of whatever hole you've found yourself in <3

>>20042 I will but there's always another hole I fear.

>>20060 I too fear vaginas

While i was in detox, one nice fellow gave me (when i asked) eight 10mg diazapamins. Was good. But nurses came to confiscate the stuff. And I have 50 liters of vodka btw. Im fuarrrked!

OP reporting in. Still havent been drinking and dont crave alcohol anymore at all. Seems like my brain has gotten rid of the default behavior of instantly getting an urge to drink every time Im feeling down or feeling good or bored or socializing. However Ive been a total drug fiend again. Im out of almost everything except speed and I constantly rummage through my stuff to find anything I might have lost and forgotten somewhere. I cant handle my job and its destroying my mental health because. Im severely mentally ill and just don’t have the capacity that normal people have, working nine to five completely drains my energy to do anything such as the hobbies I love and it makes life feel so so bleak. In my free time only thing I can do is get fuarrrked up and sit on my computer and mindlessly browse the web. The exhaustion has one by one demolished all my regular coping methods. Have been through some pretty traumatic things recently and I cant recover in this state. Next week Im quitting. I think if I dont Im actually going to end up dead.

>>20107 You have to go to rehab fren. When you get to this level you have zero chance trying to do it alone, and if you are not ready to admit this to yourself and others you are not ready to get clean. In other news FINALLY quit weed after 18 years, its finally fuarrrking over thank GOD.

Oh lainchan still works through tor? Thats cool. >>20119 Hell no. I dont want to be clean anyway I just want to avoid killing myself.

>>20120 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nspxAG12Cpc&list=RDnspxAG12Cpc&start_radio=1

>>20120 How much do you sleep, lainon?

Yea I quit my job btw. Ill be fine on neetbux for the foreseeable future. Getting rid of the issue of not getting enough sleep due to being a night owl forced to get up in the morning and therefore reducing the need for consuming speed all the time. I feel hopeful for once ^_^ >>20122 2 to 4 hours a night on weekdays usually, 5 to 6 if Im lucky. By friday Im basically a walking corpse. 10 hours a night on the weekends.

>>20124 That is miserable. Overstimulation and drug use can also make you feel like a night-owl artificially because your body just rebels and finally makes you tired in the AMs. If you take something that's going to keep you up whenever you get home from work there is no schedule that will fix your sleep, lainon

>>20125 Ive been like this before I started doing stimulants.

>>20126 consider finding an overnight shift, ive been stuck in 23:30 - 8:00 shifts for 2 years. i would normally never recommend it to anyone except as an easier position to be accepted for. no one wants to work it. in your case, assuming you have true insomnia and you're not just a screen junkie, it might do you some good. over time, it WILL turn you into a day person if you have a shred of ambition for your own future. i will say, ive never been on neetbux and felt hopeful. it's only ever caused me shame and confusion. this is to say i do not understand your mental state. results of my advice may vary.

Ibogaine anon here. Been roughing it out going full blown sober, not a single thing, not even a single drink for several days now, probably about 4 or 5 at this point. Promised myself years ago I would do this, and its definitely not easy but im doing it for now.

My apartment is in ruins, in vomit and blood, my other eye is fuarrrked and I have awful stuff in us face. But lets not let that stop f'ing up more

>>20173 is that true? is that your present environment?

>>20174 Aye, again. fuarrrk! How i get from this soykaf?

I sincerely hope everything is fine dear lainon.

as they say in the meetings, drugs aren't your problem, they're your solution. you want to be fuarrrked up all the time because drugs are more enjoyable for you than anything else in your life, but now even the drugs are losing their appeal because you've reached the point of diminishing returns where the drugs are becoming more like an obligation or a going-through-the-motions type routine rather than something you actually enjoy. you just have to find some other thing to obsess over and devote all your free time and energy to. i'm not going to pretend to know what that would be or insult you by offering suggestions, you have to figure it out yourself.

Not OP, but the other fuarrrked up anon >>20173 and it finally happened, I was denied detox and had to go thru WD's from alcohol (thankfully only that) cold turkey and minus seizure, it was something quite horrible. I would have gone to buy clonazapine or alpratzolam from the streets, but I was already too shaky to do that, so I pretty much spend few days on my apartment floor waiting for death.