Hello

In October I ordered a 14g bag of dried psilocybin mushrooms on the dark web while my parents were away. It's not very often I get the house to myself, so I had to wait until November to try them. I prepared a playlist and sat by my window looking outside and it was a pretty enjoyable experience. I think I ate only a few grams (didn't bother to weigh it because I don't have a sensitive scale), so I still have a lot left in the bag. I think I got a good idea of what a mushroom trip is like from this one experience, but obviously I can't really gauge a lot of information from just one trip. Overall, I felt safe and content throughout, and the music was very enjoyable. I remember just getting absorbed in the music and staring outside. I was seeing fractal patterns in the tree branches, and my vision was zooming into distant objects. I was also able to get up and do tasks like get myself a drink and go to the toilet with little difficulty, but I remember walking like a zombie-robot. The highlight for me was at the end, when my trip felt to be peaking, and I was listening to M83 - Outro, and the sun started coming out from behind the clouds. Suddenly, my face started melting and being absorbed into the sun. It physically felt like my face had melted off, but I didn't feel fearful at all, because I knew it was just in my mind. However, I remember feeling like things were going to go south when I started staring at a picture of me as a toddler. My eyes in the picture appeared to be pitch black, and I could feel myself starting to sink into negativity. I quickly looked away and carried on with my trip, but this experience showed me how the smallest thing could make things go bad. Anyway, I have the rest of the bag left (maybe 9-10g), so I was thinking to just eat it all and have the trip of a lifetime, regardless of whether it goes good or bad. I'm probably not going to buy any more for a long time, and I get the house to myself once more on Thursday and probably not again for a few more months, so I don't want the mushrooms to lose their potency. I've read many experiences online about how a bad trip can affect you, but I still want to do it because I think it could be interesting regardless. I am young and very isolated (no friends at all for 5-6 years), have struggled with loneliness my whole childhood, and have done stupid things recently that give me slight anxiety. But my mind is a fortress, and I don't tend to acknowledge my emotions even internally. During my first trip, I felt things starting to come out that I'd bottled up, but it wasn't quite coming out all the way. Maybe a heavier trip would force me to face my true emotions? What do you think? Could this fuarrrk me up? I find it hard to believe a single bad mushroom trip could mess you up long-term.

>>16833 Would never risk doing 9-10g especially not alone. Also if you only did a "few grams" what makes you feel like a "few" is 4-5g? 4-5g is already a high to heroic dose. Use this dosage chart if you have Cubensis: >https://www.erowid.org/plants/mushrooms/mushrooms_dose.shtml The trip could help you but definitely do not do more than 5g and even that is gonna be a life changing experience most likely.

>>16834 Ok, maybe I exaggerated it a bit. I was just going off proportions - here is what is left of the bag. It definitely didn't "feel" like a heroic dose. I'll take your advice and not go crazy with them, but I still want a much more intense trip than my first time.

>>16836 Get a scale and use that chart. Those look like cubensis.

Alright, I'm going in. Let's see how this goes.

That was absolutely terrifying. What the fuarrrk.

>>16902 someone should've told you the trick is to never get too fixated on anything and let the trip take you places, it's a lot like meditating still, lol mind writing a trip report?

>>16903 >mind writing a trip report? I don't even know how to recall what the fuarrrk I just experienced. My plan was to listen to Beethoven's 9th and have a good time but I ate way too much. I knew I'd fuarrrked up because I was low on sugar and was shaking and feeling cold. About halfway through the second movement I threw my headphones off and just broke. I kept looking at the clock thinking "when will this end?", but it kept getting slower and slower. I thought I'd fuarrrked up and broke my mind and I'd never have a grip on reality again. I didn't understand what time or space meant. There was this constant building up and slowing down sound, like the THX theme. That was not pleasant. Other than that I don't even know where to begin. I'm just incredibly impressed at how well the sober mind makes sense of things.

>>16904 haha, hope this didn't wholly discourage you from trying again, it's a wonderful tool when used properly just watch your doses and don't freak out because much like when sober freaking out is a neverending negative spiral abyss

>>16904 I tried shrooms almost 2 months ago and, from what you're saying, i had a very similar experience The start was great, you know? listened to some music, saw fractals, a complex array of beings living within each song, felt nice! Everything was filled with beauty After 2 hours of taking the shrooms, Ikinokori Bokura starts playing, and as it does, my hand starts to rot, melt, distort, everything; you name it As i moved my hand and fingers, the song gets distorted heavily, the pitch changes, whatnot Not much time passes until i'm asking my dad to let me sleep with him I had weird thoughts, like, for example, that i had to manually tune my brain to the default frequency that it was on before i had taken the MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES... That sleeping was a quick trip to dying, stuff like that. The peak is somewhat blurry, i only remember a few things, like my cat being a fuarrrking fractal. everything was anxiety filled. In the comedown, my vision started to get severely distorted. It started to look like an AI generated video I was feeling like soykaf, but still, i decided to go out and buy some groceries; on my way home i started to shrink, and melt, but after that, things got better and the effects started to disappear as i watched Despicable Me or something. After the trip, in the following weeks, reality felt fake, and i was scared of my own hands. Watching them for too much time made me get really anxious, and in some occasions i had to sleep with somebody else too. The only thing i want to say, OP, is that it gets better as time progresses, so don't get too nervous if you still feel bad AFTER the trip in certain occassions. Stay safe, don't do drugs for some time and don't masturbate neither, very important!!

>>16928 > In the comedown, my vision started to get severely distorted. It started to look like an AI generated video Yeah, that happened in my trip too. I guess it's easier to remember the comedown than the actual peak because the sober mind can't comprehend how you thought during the trip. It's weird, it's not like you forgot what happened, you just can't physically understand it or put it into words. >The only thing i want to say, OP, is that it gets better as time progresses, so don't get too nervous if you still feel bad AFTER the trip in certain occassions. I don't really feel much different afterwards. It was scary as fuarrrk during the trip though. I think I was totally gone for 3 hours. Not fun at all.

>>16929 >I don't really feel much different afterwards. It was scary as fuarrrk during the trip though. I think I was totally gone for 3 hours. Not fun at all. I'm glad that's the case OP excuse the fact that i left a whole trip report as well, but just adding a little bit more of information I only took 2 grams, and a glass of water, where we left the shrooms to rest for about, what, 10 minutes? I don't quite remember Prior to that, i had eaten a lot, drank a lot, smoked a little bit of weed, and had caffeine on my system too Worst fuarrrking combo, i swear

>>16928 I noticed that you mentioned looking at your hands a lot. Every time I looked at my hands, for some reason it gave me thoughts that I wasn't actually human? It was just when I looked at my hands. It ranged from some weird horse-human hybrid to an angel. I also had this in my good trip before this. Did you have anything like that? You mention your weird thoughts. I had a lot of weird thoughts during the peak, but they came and went within seconds. There was a period where it felt like I was spiritually dying and rebirthing over and over. My worldview was being created from nothing and shattered moments later. Each time it did, there was always some weird thoughts that came with it, and each one felt like a revelation. I try now to think back what some of them might have been, but I can't even vaguely remember one. I felt like Einstein or something, but it was probably really dumb. I guess my brain was just too fried. Also, what's with that weird fractal soykaf? I kept seeing fractals in the tree branches. I understand that all multicellular life on Earth is fractal based, but it's like you're looking at the raw, unfiltered structure of life or something.

Also, here's another post I wrote in a different thread with a more detailed report on my trip. I don't think anyone cares, but I'd like to have it in my own thread. There were two distinct phases during the peak of my high that I kept travelling between. The first was my conscious state, which was absolute nonsensical and I couldn't diffrentiate it from the other states other than being able to somewhat ground myself by looking at my clock and my surroundings. I couldn't feel my body and I couldn't vaguely make out what time it was but the whole concept of time was broken. In this condition I was somehow able to get up and go to the toilet multiple times, but reality made no sense. It was like I wasn't even controlling myself, my body was just doing this. I remember stepping through the various doorways and forgetting where I had just come from, I was moving through unknown and changing spaces. But somehow my body was able to function without my mind doing anything. The other phase was the most terrifying, and it was the one I spent most of the trip in. I don't know if I was asleep or just had my eyes shut but I was existing in a space where time didn't exist. I didn't have a body or a mind or memories of who I was, I was just present in this moment. I can't recall any specifics about this space now, but I remember slipping back into my semi-conscious state and being able to understand what I had just experienced prior. Not really explicitly "recall", but I could understand it (that doesn't make sense but you know). By far the most terrifying part about the "dead" state was the auditory hallucinations. Every sound echoed a thousand times, disgusting high pitched ringing, metallic sounds, and the worst was this sound that sounded like the THX theme, going up, then back down. Also, in the semi-conscious state I kept getting stuck in loops. They weren't thoughts, nor feelings. Something else entirely. Like I was creating a worldview out of thin air, trying to make sense of it, then it would get shattered within a short time, only for a new worldview to be created again. It was an event that I can't even begin to describe. The worst feeling was during the "dead" states, just having a feeling of "this is reality now". When I temporarily regained consciousness I kept looking at the clock to ground myself and hours would pass between each "awakening", yet the "dead" states felt like an eternity in themselves. I'd never felt so much warmth and relief as when I could finally feel the mushrooms wearing off and reality start piecing itself together. It was just pure terror, especially because I kept trying to fight it.

>>16931 >Did you have anything like that? I thought that if i stayed in the same place for too long, i was going to merge with my environment; like for example, turn into a blanket, or things like that, but, i always remained a human. >Also, what's with that weird fractal soykaf? I kept seeing fractals in the tree branches. I understand that all multicellular life on Earth is fractal based, but it's like you're looking at the raw, unfiltered structure of life or something. Hmmm. Life is indeed, done out of fractals, but what you see whenever on psychodelics, is not the raw structure of everything surrounding you, its ONLY the structure of your neurons Even when sober, we can see patterns whenever we close our eyes Neurons create electric pulses, that the brain doesn't really get rid of; instead, it turns them into visual imagery, which are seen as patterns, little colors, dots, you name it I don't know why this phenomenon gets even crazier when on psychodelics, but maybe its because there's more activity going on inside your brain

>>16932 Absolutely terrifying OP How much time has passed since your trip? And how long do you think the whole thing lasted I know that time is very difficult to keep track of when on shrooms, but my trip lasted around, mmm, 12 hours or so I cant begin to imagine how scary it was for you to trip on such a high dose. I only took 2 grams and still, i had the most frightening experience of my life with only that

>>16904 I warned you not to do that type of dosage.

PLZ DO NOT EVER ADMIT ON THE CLEARNET OR IRL THAT YOU BOUGHT DRUGS ONLINE!!! This should seriously be common sense, fuarrrk.

>>17034 Oh Em Jee Oh Pee Really Fugged Up didnt he Holly Jeepers can you beeleeeve it a fool posting that he bought sum drugs on line in a way that is pretty much completely unconnectable with his real identity he sure screwed up this time MAJOR BREECH of ETIQUETTE Emily Post is ROLLING in her grave

>>17034 (Maybe this rant would be better suited for the security board? Too late) There are a few lines of reasoning concerning this. There’s a very minor chance talking about darknet markets could be tied to your identity you if you failed to take basic security measures to a ridiculous degree, like using the same username/real name on both. Even that probably wouldn’t be enough to convict and would only be cause for a deeper investigation that would be impractical for anyone other than high priority targets (like big sellers, admins, owners or maybe people dealing with weapons). On lainchan in particular, no one uses their real name and posting behind a VPN is easy and the same applies to most chans or forums. Talking about DNM use in real life or something stupid like Facebook is not personally advisable because real identities are the norm there. However, that same advice applies to all crime. There’s also the bigger question about advocating for DNMs in general, if redirecting a bunch of n00bs there lowers the security or functionality of the websites. As long as it’s set up correctly, I don’t see how more traffic could compromise the people who actually know what they’re doing. I suppose an individual market becomes a higher priority in the eyes of law enforcement when it gets bigger, but adding new customers simultaneously incentivizes the creation of new markets that nullify that issue. In a similar way, adding more people would most likely increase the number of sellers and thereby improve the sites by giving people more options. For this reason, it may actually be actively desirable for customers to talk about/ advertise the use of DNMs. Part of what got me thinking about this was Gwern’s various articles about DNMs which are worth reading for yourself. A lot has changed since they were written (no one uses bitcoin anymore) but they’re still interesting. They also serve as a compelling example of someone admitting to buying/possessing/using drugs this way, even doing exterior interviews attached to his public identity, and nonetheless remaining unbothered by law enforcement. https://gwern.net/silk-road