treating depression

Lainchan. I have suffered from depression from 17 years old all the way to my current age of 39. I have tried so many prescription drugs and therapies with no benefit. Only side effects. I've simply accepted that you don't have to be happy to live. Now i turn to you. What drugs can I try to help? How do I get them? I'll try anything that I can do relatively safely and has some merit to its effectiveness.

>>891 I'm in a similar situation to you, albeit I'm much younger. Ever since I was about 11 I've felt very that I have more than a few loose screws and that feeling has only grown with time. I've been to a psychiatrist, taken the pills, etc and none of that helps me personally. I've also went down the route of recreational drug use. The 3 primary substances I've experimented with are; THC (Weed, Hash and Shatter/Dabs), MDMA (pills and ""pure"" powder) and LSD. I will go through each of them in a bit more detail: Weed: I smoked every single day from I was approx 15 until the age of 20. The first few months of smoking weed was amazing, I got no negative effects except the usual cotton mouth and absolutely no negative mental effects. After this "honeymoon period" I started to notice my life going steadily downhill but who cared? Not me! Everyday for that 5 year period followed roughly the same formula; Wake up, skip school, scrape together enough money for a bag of weed between my group of friends, then SMOKE. Rinse and repeat. I hated it, but I didn't have the willpower at that time to stop. It was a temporary release from life that I really felt I needed. After about 3 years I began to get paranoid and anxious, it wasn't the same anymore. I used to smoke to feel less anxious, now my one escape had been taken from me. By this point I had tried to quit many many times, none of them successful obviously. I'm off it now and a genuinely feel much better about myself and my life. Because of all these reasons I cannot personally recommend weed, but weed really does have different effects on everyone also the quality of the weed you can source will have an input on this too. I wouldn't recommend it though. MDMA: I'll start with pills. Pills, E's, ect (they have too many different names depending on where you live) are just MDMA, cut with loads of really dirty soykaf like PMA and other stimulant drugs and pressed into a little pill. I've taken quite a few. Don't bother. Now, MDMA in its pure (ISH) form on the other hand is my favorite drug I've ever taken (whilst I'm on it), the euphoria and feelings it gives you are incomparable to anything else I've ever taken. However the comedowns I get make it very hard to justify taking. I've literally felt suicidal on the worst comedowns. LSD: I've only taken it once, and it was the single most terrifying experience of my life. I cant recommend it if you have any form of mental issue. Basically this whole thing is a blog post trying to convince you that the answer to happiness, even temporary, doesn't lie in drugs.

Using psychedelics can have some benefits for depression as they have some lasting effects (people seem to be more open to new ideas for up to a year). The mix with mental health is a bit risky though in general, you should seriously consider if you want to take them or not. Mending mental health with drugs is a bit like hirting a tv to get rid of the static, it may work for a bit but you'd be just as likely to break something. The other drug option for getting round depression is dissociatives or opiates, both let you avoid your problems for a while. I wouldn't reccomend going this route though. If your depression is mostly stress/anxiety related you'd better try some adaptogens like Ashwagandha, Eleuthero or l-Theanine.

>>891 I'll start by agreeing with >>892, drugs aren't going to teach you the secrets of eternal, natural happiness. That said, you can have a lot of fun doing some of them, and some of them can help you identify and change unhealthy habits / lifestyle choices / etc. Just don't forget about the consequences, or you can quickly end up in a far worse place than you started. Assuming you have plenty of time to learn and explore, I recommend the following steps to exploring recreational substance use. Step 1: Start reading. No, seriously. Psychonautwiki.org, erowid.org, drugs.tripsit.me, wikipedia, https://www.drugs.com/pill_identification.html are all very good resources to have. 420chan can be helpful, but it can also be a soykafhole so tread carefully. If you have a substance you are curious about, head to erowid and read some trip reports. Learn about dosage, half-life (good rule of thumb is 0.75-1 hl of effects from a light dose, 1-1.5 hl from a normal dose, 1.5 hl from a strong dose), etc. Learn about the risks. For psychedelics of any sort, that's serotonin syndrome, HPPD, and psychosis. With stimulants look into heart problems, psychosis, brain damage. So on and so forth. If you are really dedicated, I also recommend reading up on neurochemistry a bit. Just basic stuff like having a rough idea of what receptors do what (GABA = relaxed, Dopamine/Norepinephrine = stimulation, etc). This can give you a good intuition about what a drug will do to you (both good and bad). Step 2: Pick a drug. There are a soykaf-ton of drugs out there to try. If you have money and know how to access onion sites safely, you can acquire many of them. "Safe" "traditional" drugs: - LSD: illegal everywhere, dark web is your friend, many analogues exist and are semi-legal (1P-LSD, AL-LAD, PRO-LAD, ETH-LAD) - MDMA: illegal, buy it pure online, don't mess with pill presses, look into nootropic / supplement stacks to reduce the crash from the day after - Weed: legal some places, try to find a local source since shipping is hazardous (strong scent). Don't mess with synthetic analogues. - Amphetamine: illegal, dark web, use sparingly, watch out for addiction - Psilocin / Psilocybin / Magic Mushrooms: illegal most places, dark web or synthetic analogues "Safe", more exotic: - LSA: can extract it from HWB seeds or morning glory seeds, not as "clean" as LSD - 4-AcO-DMT or other variants: An acetylated analogue of active component in magic mushrooms. Very good safety profile, semi-legal in many places. - Ketamine: Dissociative, illegal, dark web - DXM: dissociative, OTC in many places, watch out for additives (APAP will fuarrrk your liver), don't abuse it (high doses many days a week) for fear of brain damage - Caffeine + L-Theanine: basically equivalent to the contents of many energy drinks, but surprisingly enjoyable. Amazon-legal, if that means anything. - Propylhexedrine: OTC in some places, cheap, dirty but enjoyable. Keep an eye on your heart, don't abuse it. I can list more if you'd like, but that should keep you busy reading for a while. Step 3: Research your drug. If it isn't coming from a pharmacy, buy a drug-testing kit and test it. Buy a milligram scale. That last detail is really important. Buy a milligram scale. Eyeballing is incredibly dangerous. You can die from eyeballing potent psychoactive compounds. Please, buy a milligram scale. (Also, look into volumetric dosing if you want to be particularly safe, since it helps work around the inaccuracy of low-weight measurements) Step 4: Don't eat your drug. I'm not recommending that you eat drugs. Do not eat a very very small allergy testing dose the first time. Very small means 100-250 micrograms. For some compounds that could be sent by accident (fentanyl analogues, lysergides, benzos) that amount can be close to a strong dose. Wait a full day after your first allergy test. Step 5: Enjoy, stay safe ! Sorry for the long post, hope it is at least somewhat helpful.

no. thanks for the long posts. its useful. Shrooms, iboga, and low dose Ketamine are the one that interest me most. but i don't know how to get them. i assume i just need to learn to use the dark web well.

>>896 Depending on where you live, you may be able to buy synthetic compounds with nearly or completely indistinguishable effects from shrooms. (ie: 4-AcO-DMT et. al.) The advantage of these analogues is that they can be legal (at least, grey-market semi-legal-ish) in some places, so they are cheaper and much easier to acquire than the real deal. The dark web works too.

4-AcO-DMT is the one i want to try first. I live in the USA. I haven't found a legal way to get it yet. is there one anyone here knows of?

>>899 >>896 4-aco-dmt can be considered an esther of 4-ho-dmt, which is schedule 1, so while its not really illegal, it isn't legal either in most states mushroom spores and grow kits aren't illegal, and p. cubensis grows fast and isn't too hard some research chems are more legal than 4-aco, like I think 1p-lsd has gone to court and been thrown out before, but I might be mistaken there are some decent clearnet rc vendors for stuff that is legal (not for human consumption), but it might be easier to just use tr or zion

>>899 Afaik 4-AcO-DMT and most of the other tryptamine analogues are all semi-legal. They are very explicitly not legal to own with the intent of human consumption, or to sell to anyone who intends to consume them. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_Analogue_Act) However outside that limit they can be bought and sold, usually for scientific research purposes. So, if you have an interest in doing some science, set up a lab and look around reddit for recommendations on vendors. You might be lucky enough to discover that many have clearnet sites or emails. OPSEC might be something to consider when contacting them, one of the lainzines has a decent guide I think. Also don't live in Florida. The laws there are much more strict.

>>891 >I have tried so many prescription drugs and therapies with no benefit Can you list them? >>895 >reading up on neurochemistry a bit I recommend Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology. Great book, explains the mechanism of psychotropics in a way that's easy to understand.

43 and counting, my advice is, after eliminating the simple answers, like selenium deficiency (eat some sunflower seeds), try physical exercise, jogging, weights, martial arts, boxing, anything to get your body's natural endorphins flowing. It's a safer high than trying to self-medicate. Also, negative ions. if you can't live by the seaside, buy an air ioniser. Art therapy can exorcise some demons, try painting or writing or music, art thrives on suffering, so the worse you feel, the better your art will be. You could try St. Elm's wort, that's a mild herbal antidepressant. Valerian helps you chill. Chamomile helps you sleep.

off the top of my head. prozac. no effect wellbutrin. best effect but very mild. only one i take currently. not sure if it really helps, or just helps me feel better about being depressed. effexor. almost no effect. bad side effects and withdrawl effexor XL. never take again. terrible. nightmares and fever, sweating, sickness during withdrawl. paxil. some positive effect. redused social anxiety. made me blurt out things you shouldnt say in public circles. would concider taking again, at a super low dose. or something similar. abilify. did nothing. celexa. seemed to have an effect which disapeared within a few days. Lexapro. seemed to have an effect which disapeared within a few days. cymbalta. seemed to have an effect, which disapeared within a few days. Emsam. side effects, nothing else. Lamictal. side effects, nothing else. Pristiq. seemed to have effect for 2 days. then disapeared. serzone. made me sleepy and sick. zoloft. bad side effects. made me nervous all the time. vortioxetine? i think i tried this and it had no real effect past 2 days. then side effects. lithium. no real effect, only side effects. all MAOI's. side effects, but no benefits. all tricyclic's. side effects, but no benefits. strattera. no effect adderall. made me nervous and was in a bad mood all the time. kinda snippy with people. enough that they noticed. ritalin. made me fall asleep each time i took it. modafinal. didn't keep me awake or alert? made me sick to my stomach. would concider trying again at a low dose maybe? I'm always tired and lathargic. my body feels heavy and weak. i cant concentrate to save my life and i feel like i live in a fog with muted emotions. i have a diganosed sleep disorder called centralised sleep apnea. a bipap machin helped with that and i now sleep 8 hours a day instead of 10+. the drugs that affect dopamine seem to help me but the effects go away after 2 days or so and then i only experince side effects and increasing the dose doesnt help. if i stop taking them for a while, then start again, 2 days of something sort of positive followed by nothing again. its like my body adjusts and rejects any benefit and then i only suffer side effects afterward. this is true of every drug i try other than wellbutrin. but even wellbutrin does almost nothing. i wish i could find something that would help with energy and mental focus. and something that would help with mild anxiety like paxil but wasnt additive or habit forming.

>>914 >hypotenacity >hypothymia resistant to serotoninergic treatment >reacts to stimulants >i have a diganosed sleep disorder called centralised sleep apnea. a bipap machin helped with that and i now sleep 8 hours a day instead of 10+. Sleep disorders were the first thing I thought of. You mentioned it's central so I'm assuming you're not obese. Does your BiPAP machine record data on sleep quality? Is it effectively treating your sleep disorder? Has your doctor followed up on you with a polysomnography? >wellbutrin. best effect Bupropion enhances dopaminergic neurotransmission. Makes sense that stimulants are giving you the best results, even if the response is weak. Sleep apnea generally robs people of their "energy". It can be understood as a decrease in "positive" emotions like energy, motivation, happiness, joy. Meanwhile, depression can be understood as an increase in "negative" emotions like sadness, despair. Stimulants increase "positive" emotions, counteracting the symptoms commonly associated with sleep apnea. >increasing the dose doesn't help Be careful with that. At specific concentrations, drugs will saturate all available receptors; increasing the dosage past this point will give no additional benefit and will only serve to increase side effects. Unfortunately, finding the minimum effective dose for each person is an exercise of trial and error and perseverance. Different people respond to different doses. Brain is too complex and too unknown to predict the dose; too many factors involved. What I've seen doctors do in practice is gradually escalate the dose until it either works or it hits maximum, at which point alternative treatment is considered.

i suffered with sleep apnea for over a decade before it was treated. my bipap machine records breaths during sleep and i don't seem to have episodes as long as i use the machine. the few times i've sleep without it, it felt like i hadn't slept at all. my problems with depression started when i was 17, long before i had problems sleeping and started using a bipap. i would say i developed problems sleeping around age 27 and didn't get treated till 37. sleep disorders are horribly under diagnosed. i have the exact same symtoms i had at 17 as i do now. it just affects me less now as i've learned that one doesn't have to be happy to survive. or feel good before they do things. i basically pretend to be happy as social events. It's true that drugs that influence dopamine and norepinephrine help me the most. but i've never found a drug with any kind of lasting effect.