Detox and Sobriety

This thread is for the discussion of quitting drugs, for those of us who have issues with substance abuse and addiction that we're trying to resolve. And a note to those who might post "X isnt addictive!!": Physical dependence is NOT a prerequisite to addiction or 'habit forming behavior'. Just because weed or other substances do not create physical addiction pathways in the brain like opiates does NOT mean that you cannot develop habits which are difficult to kick. Anything which creates dopamine spikes is potentially habit forming.

Ive been smoking weed almost daily for about 8 years and unsuccessfully trying to quit for 2. Aside from some pretty bad memory problems there was a point when I realized that all the unproductive hours where i just got high and (badly) played vidya were really adding up. If I had spent all that time studying or even just playing the same vidya soberly, I would be way better off for it. I feel like I've lost years of development and I'm too much of a rationalizing hedonist to do anything other than curb the rate that I still do this to myself. The funniest thing is that in the few situations that ive been forced to stop for periods of time (vacations by plane, etc) Ive had no problem going cold turkey. When the option of getting high is gone, its all good. But when the option exists and I resist it, then I start acting like an irritable addict. Its pretty clear what I need to do but im a fuarrrking pussy.

>>498 You can't just cut back to 2 or 3 times a week? Maybe 2 during the week and do whatever on weekends?

>>497 I smoke once or twice a week, but I do ecstasy like once a month or once every two months. I've got two raves coming up at the beginning of July and end of August then I'm planning on staying clean for a few months.

From my experience psychological dependence can be just as bad as (if not worse than) physical dependence. It took me two years to quit my weed smoking and masturbation habits. The best way to overcome addiction for me was to make an end to all my weed contacts and to engage in productive activities, e.g. programming.

Ive been drinking for a while, I know the binge drinking is killing me but i keep doing it. Ive been drunk everywhere and drive too not caught yet. Im thinking of going on a long walk. Take a think pad and leave. Just walk across the great expanse and clear my head. Quit the drink and figure out what it all means.

For me, the key to beating my various addictions is finding something that's less harmful that's just as addicting, and replacing the former with the latter. I used to do a fair amount of xanax, then replaced it with alcohol, then nicotine. I don't think I'll be able to kick nicotine, but at least the patches won't kill me anywhere near as fast as getting barred out would. I don't think it's possible to beat any addiction, only find a way to live with it or replace it. As the old saying goes, "once an addict, always an addict." That said, there's nothing wrong with trying to really kick the habit. It's still important to set realistic goals, though.

Cutting down or like >>816 says replacing it with something less harmful are often the best options. It can be hard, especially if like >>498 you have no problems going cold turkey in some situations, to accept that just trying to stop is less likely to work out. Other good things include a change of scenery, or even changing your name but they're maybe a bit too drastic for this. >>799 You need to be really fuarrrking careful. Drinking isn't great for you but it won't kill you (and potentially innocent bystanders) right away. Driving will. Give your keys to someone for safe keeping.

>>816 >the key to beating my various addictions is finding something that's less harmful that's just as addicting i agree. just had this conversation with a friend the other day. concluded that jesus is the final addiction once you've kicked everything else. ever tried going to church anon? >>817 >Driving will depends where you are. rolling around the suburbs drunk will get you into trouble. but you'll probably be fine in the city, or out in the middle of nowhere.

I can't find the motivation to quit porn/constant masturbation. It's been ruining my life for years now. I always feel tired and sick, I can't focus on anything I'm doing, and yet whenever I try to quit for more than a few days, I fail. Has anybody else successfully quit, cause I don't know how much longer I can live like this.

>>824 I haven't quit, but I've managed to reduce its symptoms. Basically the system I used was of masturbating only once a day, and at a specific time (in my case at night). I would never masturbate while watching porn, but I would sometimes look at "porn" or appealing figures during the day, so as to not feel too much withdrawal.

Anyone successfully kicked nicotine?

>>828 Technically I have, but I was only smoking ~1-2 cigarettes a day at my peak, and only for a few months. I'm in university currently, and moving back home for the summer (my school is a long ways from home) gave me a change of environment that jump-started trying to quit. All of the usual places / actions / etc. that I associated with smoking weren't present, so my desire / need to smoke dropped dramatically. So maybe try a change in location or daily habits for a few weeks?

>>824 put yourself in a situation where you can't anymore.

quitting a 4 year addiction to heroin / street methadone. First serious time trying to quit. No benzos, no immodium, broke. I feel really raw. Seeing the name "Hoouin Kyouma" triggered this instantaneous chain of associations which nearly made me almost cry. I'm a programmer so I've mostly been able to keep it together while using it but I lost my job for unrelated reasons and while I've had no problem finding work in the past, heroin ate up my savings incredibly fast and I didn't have the motivation to pursue anything. It's noticeably sapped the color from life and the ambition to work hard. First I stopped exercising, then stopped coding for fun. Enough is enough. I'm 26 years old, staying on the floor of my girlfriend's parents house, reality is knocking on the window with a 6 foot "WAKE UP" sign. Needless to say I feel like absolute soykaf, can't sleep. Did I mention I feel like soykaf? Needless to say, I can't recommend heroin if you are thinking about trying it.. You might be sitting there, hopelessly depressed, aimless and dejected. Trying heroin, getting addicted even, might seem totally logical from your never-tried-opiates sober brain. I know it did to mine. It's kindof funny, I had tried snorting heroin once, many years before, but I got really sick and decided that heroin must affect me differently because I had a very not good time - never came close to getting addicted. I was literally suicidal and was thinking about tricky ways to painlessly die so many years ago. Heroin topped my the charts of damn near anyone's "how to die list". I took 5 bags and injected them, which the internet assured me was enough to kill a habituated elephant. Obviously, I'm writing you today, so it should be evident that you can't trust the internet. In fairness, I had no idea how to inject and I honestly didn't look it up (intellectual laziness saves lives), I ended up injecting it into fat that I thought was a vein, puked and fell asleep. On the other hand, heroin cured my depression faster than I thought possible. So I guess in a sense maybe (soykafty) heroin saved my life. But as they say, nothing (blackish) gold can stay. There exists a principle in evolutionary neuroscience called "Algernon's Law", so named for the story of the dimwit-turned-genius who ultimately perishes from these changes to his intellect. The law has complex reasoning, but behind the notation, game theory and linear programming that justifies it, it's a pretty simple law. > "Any simple major advancement to a human being's intelligence, mood or thought is a net evolutionary disadvantage" Well, it's true. Piracetam, Heroin, Yerba Mate, Caffeine, Cocaine, Bath Salts and other mood altering drugs are not part of a balanced diet - science has proven it. god i need to puke.

>>943 hey friend, i've been there before. opioid addiction is heavy man. if you have trouble going CT try to get on subs or kratom and do a rapid taper. better to be stable on subs/kratom and not spending all your money than going back to the dope game. I hope you feel better. When I go through WD what helps me most are dissociates. 3-meo-pcp works best for me, but dxm is a good alternative if you dont want to buy things on the internet. it works better than benzos and is dirt cheap

Been a long time lurker. Yeah I got a major issue with alcoholism. Done nearly every drug known to the common American. Used to be a methhead. Before that, an adderall fiend. Quit those years ago, yet somehow alcohol is more difficult. Also, it doesn't help that in my locale alcohol and coke go hand in fuarrrking hand. Needless to say, I'm a smoker. Just had myself a swig before writing this, actually. It's not even close to dark, yet. There's something very pioneering about drug addiction. To have the balls to say, 'yeah, this could fuarrrk my life over, but I haven't tried it yet, so what the hell.' And that's how the darkness gets ya.

>>946 i used to drink a lot my friend. sometimes i'd get so sick and weak, i'd wanna die, so i'd drink more hoping i would. i lost pretty much all of my friends one way or another; usually just not giving a soykaf about them unless i needed something. when they would talk to me, i was an egotistical prick. i lost a lot of money, family, and friends to the hooch and was on a direct path to losing myself as well. i've always been kinda shy. not because i am anxious to speak, but because i usually don't even care enough to open my mouth. alcohol absolved that apathy and gave me a gift to talk to anyone about anything and be exceptionally charismatic while doing it. i thought that's who i was i supposed to be (or subconsciously wanted to be) and alcohol was the tool to help me achieve it. turns out, that version of me was just great at talking to people and soykaf at everything else. it's what i imagine being stupid to be like--everyone knows it but you. i didn't realize then that it made me stupid. i've been free from alcohol for almost 4 years now. i'm not as charming as i was as a drunkard, but i'm happier. and that's what life is all about.

I quit smoking cigs by using an e-cig. Spent like $100 on a kit that had two batteries (4 years ago). I Vaped nicotine and 0% nicotine. I was also on Buproprion for anti-depressant which also can help as smoking cessation. Those two things and the little will power I had enabled me to quit smoking in a month. After I quit smoking cigs I also quit drinking and smoking weed. I was tired of these addictions anyway, and just needed a reason to quit, other than the typical "you know smoking is bad for you." Nicotine was the hardest for me, been a smoker for ten years. As for quitting weed, one tip I have is to quit when you still have a nugget left. I would try to quit when I ran out, but then the urge to re-up kicked in and I'd buy more, and the cycle would repeat. I quit with like $40 of good soykaf left, and still had it for like six months until I just gave it away. I still have a few bottles of liquor in the cupboard. Haven't drank in four years. What I love about a sober living is being free from the addiction. I'm in control of myself 100% of the time. No need to stress over driving to get more liquor when I'm already drunk, not running out of weed at 4am and dealer is sleeping. I hope any of you that are addicted can be rid of it in time. You'll find something that works for you and reap the benefits of time, health, money, and people.

>I WANT TO BE A WIZARD!

I'm getting off opiates at the moment, last dose was 2 days (which itself was a relapse 5 days into withdrawal). Hopefully I'll be able to cope this time - I've got weed and alcohol now so that should help a bit with getting through the physical withdrawal.

>>1034 good luck lainfriend! Have some positive vibes!

>>1034 It feels like the physical part is mostly over now. Now it's just back to dealing with these overwhelming emotions without numbing myself from them.

>>954 No u, that what jizzer is u homo poooppoooo!!!!!!

>>1241 ***************that notsssss wat jizzzzzer is!!!!!!****************************

Finally taking a much needed break from weed lain I've been saying it for a while now but I just left all my pieces with a friend a couple towns over and I'm looking forward to repurposing all the time I spent smoking

currently quitting a heavy IV meth and cocaine addiction. my arms are covered in bruises and track marks. I'm not totally sober, I still take kratom every day and drink too much and smoke too much weed, but the meth and the coke were really fuarrrking my life up. It all started as a way to get more work done, and now I have no motivation to do anything other than lay in bed all dsy unless I bang at least 200mg of cocaine or 100mg of meth.

My friends and I are about to start a 20 day break from drugs after a little sendoff tonight. It might sound bad but as I've been cutting down more and more on my drug use, I have no idea what to do with the extra time. It never felt like a lot, but I guess a good chunk of my time was dedicated to drugs. What are your favorite sober pastimes lain? I'm planning on doing a lot of reading, maybe get back into tech or vidya or start gardening

MDMA and alcohol. Growing up in a small village in Northern Ireland during the tail end of the Troubles, there wasn't an awful lot for kids to do. We start drinking as young as 11 and 12 years old. Myself, friends and other local kids. School lunch money is saved up during the week and covers buying three litres of cider (nicknamed a barrack buster after a type of IRA mortar) and ten cigarettes every Friday and Saturday night. Weed gets introduced. Then comes the offer of MDMA. MDMA is the greatest drug I ever take. I can't get physically addicted like you can opiates, so I think its OK to do. By the time I'm 15, I'm double dropping speckled Mitzis just to start a Friday night. Weekends consist of getting home from work on a Friday evening, getting a shower, something to eat and then taking my pay cheque and buying booze, cigarettes and Es. I'll not be seen again in the house until Sunday evening because I'll bounce around house parties and drug dens for the next couple of days. The comedowns start getting worse as my brain is basically saying "I can't keep producing these feel good chemicals for you and not expect pay back for it". The stress on my body from being awake for days and living only on chemicals and alcohol takes its toll. At 6ft 6 inches tall, I weigh at most 12 or 13 stone. My skin is terrible. The worst though is the beginning to hear and see soykaf that isn't there when no longer under the influence of the drug. I put it down to side effects of the drug and continue using. When I'm 19, I go to my dealer and buy 20 pills for me and some friends for a weekend. We go to the pub and end up getting separated. So I have a pocket full of 20 Es. Over the course of a Friday / Saturday and Sunday, I proceed to eat the 20 pills. Sunday morning a few hours after taking the last E I'm sitting on the back porch step of the party hosts house and I'm hot. Like too hot. I'm becoming agitated. I need a cold shower to cool down. So off I go. I have the shower, get out and I'm still fuarrrking boiling up. Maybe I'll be OK if I can go home and try and rest for a while. So I down the last of my vodka and start walking home. My body is slowly telling me "you're not going to make it home" and I'm starting to panic. I manage to stagger into my house and tell my little brother to call an ambulance and go to my bedroom to lie down. That's the last thing I remember until I sit bolt upright in a hospital bed after being shot full of whatever drug they've used to counteract the MDMA. Apparently when I got home I lay down and simply passed out and my breathing became ragged. The ambulance arrived and they immediately had breathing tubes down my throat before throwing me into the back of the ambulance and taking me to the hospital. After sitting bolt upright, I lay back and they wheel me out to recovery, where I'm kept for several days on a drip to keep me hydrated and flush my system. I have to give piss and soykaf samples daily to check that my internal organs are functioning properly. A few days into my stay a doctor does his rounds and finally arrives at me. He asks why I took so many drugs and I reply "because I had them". He nods and he says that had the drugs been purer I would have died long before managing to eat 20 of them. He asks me how that makes me feel and I reply, I soykaf you not, "ripped off". I was more pissed off that the pills weren't higher quality than the fact that I'd nearly died. As soon as I uttered the words, the following up thought was "holy soykaf, I have a problem". So I promise myself I'll stop. And I do. It's the last time I touch MDMA.

>>1545 Now without MDMA in my life, I withdraw from most of the people I used to knock about with. But I'm still going out and drinking with friends. But to make up for the lack of MDMA in my life, I'm drinking more. And if you've been a regular drinker since the age of 12 and been drinking while also taking MDMA, you quickly develop an ability to drink pretty fuarrrking hard. So I do. I get a bottle of Buckfast (highly caffeinated tonic wine) and six Stella Artois just to start a night. Then it's down to the pub for pints of Guinness and then a glass of whiskey to finish the night. I can handle that amount of booze without a physical problem. Mentally however, it's making me mean. I'll fight at the drop of a hat. Friends stop asking me to come out to drink. And worse than that, I'm still seeing and hearing soykaf that isn't there sometimes and I'm using the booze to muffle it. To drown it out. It all comes to a head one night were I'm sitting alone, drinking in my flat and something snaps. A switch is flipped. The last thing I remember is sitting watching the TV and drinking beer. The next thing I wake up in what I know to be a hospital room because of the smell. But there's something weird. There's some woman sitting outside the room on the other side of the hall, watching me through a crack in the door. We make eye contact, she gets up and goes off to get someone. She's there on "observation". Making sure I don't try and kill myself. The doctor and woman come back and the doctor informs me the police brought me in shouting and screaming about the shadows watching and talking and they're going to help me get better.

>>1546 I spend a week in that place before they ship me off to another facility. Holywell is a mental facility in Northern Ireland that is housed in a building that was built in the 19th century. Proper "one flew over the c uckoos nest" type sit. The secure unit I'm on is on big wing of the building. We're not allowed lighters. If we want to smoke, we have to ask for a light from one of the nursing staff, who are more like prison jailers. Some of the guys they have in are completely nuts. Two with religious complexes that argue constantly about God. One of them is in the bed next to mine and likes to read his bible out loud at night. I'm in the process of going through an existential crisis and have to listen to this soykaf until I snap one night and tell him if he doesn't stop reading out loud I'm going to feed him his good book page by fuarrrking page. Almost instantly there's the staff beside my bed ready to go should something go down. Ironically, in the end, it's God boy in the bed next to me refusing to take his meds one day who ends up getting chased down by the staff and the shot of drugs in the ass cheek to calm him down. I spent several months in there as the docs try and find the right balance of drugs for me. I'm finally diagnosed as schizoaffective. The doc says I was most likely using drugs to self medicate the illness, but all I was doing was numbing it as it got worse over the years. The breaking point was the night I got drunk and had what they call an "alcohol induced psychosis". I flipped my soykaf. That was when I was 23. I was sectioned under the mental health act. I'm 33 now and haven't had a drop of drink since. The soykaf I saw in that secure mental health ward means I never want to go back. They are not nice places. I take my meds and simply try and keep my soykaf together for the last ten years.

I keep hearing that milk thistle is good for detoxing. William S. Burroughs swore by apomorphine to kick junk, but he never quite managed to kick in the end.

>>1544 If I were you, I would dedicate the time to a skill. This way if you want to stay sober you will have something that can continue to fill the time.

i'm onely on antidepressants now for about 2 years, used to do speed for the most of the time. i'm thinking about just go kinda back to my old habits with less destruction in it (by which i mean looking more for amphetamine and less for methamphetamine) if onely for social interactions, i just can't stand making new friends or even getting a relationship, part because i've become (or let us say gone back to) a introvert. also my medication killed my libido for the most time. any thoughts or experiences similar?

Alright I need some help with an addiction. This is about adderall. This wouldn't be that bad actually, I get work done on it (or was) and in some ways it's helped me develop study habits for when i'm not on it. I've been addicted to xanax and percocet in the past, for some reason pills are a huge weakness for me, and those were disasters because unlike adderall they took pain away. Which meant when life got even more stressful because of these addictions I could take more and that would go away. I stopped xanax because I didn't try to OD but took an unreasonable amount with alcohol after failing multiple classes because of it, blacked out and woke up with cuts all over my body (which I hadn't cut myself in about a year). Percocet I stopped just because of feeling like a lazy piece of soykaf and the guilt of that outweighing the momentary peace. I don't know why pills are such an issue for me, there was days I did coke for three days straight, could easily afford more but just stopped even though I wasn't losing anything yet. Never had troubles with alcohol even though my whole family does. However both of those addictions only lasted a few months. This will probably be the same, yet I want to be able to use it like I was using it. I would take one maybe every 3 days to a week, get work done, and feel good about it after. What changed was, as embarassing as it is, masturbating on it/an overall increase in my sex drive and flirtiness. Probably couldn't fuarrrk on it so havent even bothered, but it always had the side effect of increasing my sex drive massively and thats gone up since ive started masturbating on it several times every time I use it. It's this feeling like i'm on the edge of orgasm 24/7, even after it wears off its still there. Ive been using it for about 3 weeks straight so I don't know how long this will last after I stopped. Instead of getting my work done I almost always will stop at some point and just look at porn for like 2 hours. And then just like 20 minutes later be back at it. I always had trouble controlling sexual urges, not like in regards to other people i'm very composed there, but just in terms of not masturbating. Still normally I can control it, it never interrupts anything I just am often preoccupied by sexual thoughts. This on the other hand is also exacerbated by the fact that I definitely have a fetish/thing for not being in control and doing degrading things (such as taking drugs to masturbate). Normally I have friends who are sober who I tell everything I do to, and they always keep me in check with regards to drugs. But in this case I can't tell them the extent of what's going on. Like I can't tell them im on my bed after staying up all night snorting it and spilling it and licking it off my dirty ass bed, or on the floor of our COMMUNAL SHOWERS (which are very private but just saying, disgusting). And then I don't even shower after i'm done because again being unclean feeds into this fantasy. Honestly surprised I haven't had someone be like "yo are you okay in there" because of the amount of time il be shut in one. I even thought of an excuse in this case, saying i'm just shaving. Also obviously with this comes extreme fantasies that normally are gross to me. Literally I want to fuarrrk every person I see on the street, my only worry being it would be easy for me to do something I regret in this state because even old men (i'm not even gay when i'm not on this soykaf at least) I want to fuarrrk and if somebody pulled up on me in a car and asked me to get in i probably would (which surprisingly I have had happen multiple times despite not being an especially young looking guy). I also will message one girl I know soykaf like "choke me" at 2 am. Thankfully the dynamic of our relationship lets me do this, she is very dominant so instead of it being like some guy saying "you want this dick" it's more like if a girl randomly texted you "fuarrrk me". You might be annoyed at worst, which is the worst that happens in this case too. Still I realize after I don't like her like that and she probably doesn't either. She likes teasing me and we tend to leave it at that because I just like attention more than anything. However in another case it is a problem. There is this girl that does like me that I don't like and definitely do not want to lead her on, but yet again in this state I do. I like hanging out with her and I don't want to hurt her because momentarily im horny and she takes it as me being interested. She also started buying it with me, she looks up to me and if I do something she thinks its okay. And again in this state it's fuarrrked up because it turns me on when she starts asking for more, I've even put them in her mouth before because it seems hot in the moment and then later I just feel guilty because of how fuarrrked up it is. It's like double bad because i'm being flirty which makes her think i'm interested and also i'm getting her addicted too and probably worse because its not just adderall for her its also me. When she does it I come study with her and give her attention. And again i'd just never date her, I love her as a friend and am definitely sexually attracted to her. However she isn't the type to mess around and leave it at that especially because she is attached to me. I don't know whats the bigger issue here, adderall or me not being able to control sexual urges. Without either things would be fine. If I didn't have the adderall i'd just be masturbating once a day or every other day to regular ass porn for maybe 30 mins to an hour (even without adderall it takes me fuarrrking forever to actually cum). If I was able to just say "no" and not succumb to these urges I wouldn't be having any issues of the above and also wouldn't be taking the adderall every day. I never took adderall when I didn't need it until this, occasionally I would take it and then realize I did not have nearly as much work as I thought I did in my head but then I would just try to get stuff done in advance. But with how it is now, i'l be horny and start masturbating, and then in that sort of heat of the moment state where i'm not as in control i'l snort maybe just a quarter of a pill. Then either il continue doing that until i've snorted a whole pill and have been going at it for like 3 hours or when I stop i'm in a weird semi agitated state because I only did a tiny amount and it's leaving my system already because of how I took it, and end up taking the whole pill so I can avoid the irritability that comes to me with being sort of "half on half off" as well as so I can focus on something else to avoid the guilt of whatever I just did. As you probably have seen in my other descriptions it's usually degrading to a point where it isn't just like "that was kinky" and is more like "what the fuarrrk am I". But yeah I guess I know what I have to do, and im imagining I probably will do it. Because my addictive usage is so spur of the moment, I never am fiending for it like that. When I don't have it right there I just jerk off like a normal human being and then don't care anymore. It's been going on as long as it has because I've had a good amount, but it's pretty much gone now. I have enough to take tommmorow which I will even though i'm saying "Oh no i'l save that for an important test" in my head right now. I'l probably even end up taking it today. And then I don't have access to it anymore. One of my friends who gets it for me is one of these people who helps me out a lot and I told them about some of this, they are very responsible with their usage unlike me and will not buy me anymore (i tried to convince them trust me). The only other thing I can get is these weak ass pills that aren't even adderall, and they are completely impossible to snort so I can't get past their weakness by doing that. Still it's embarrassing and makes it hard for me to look at myself. I know when I finally am off of it tommorow, i'm going to have a breakdown over the things I did. I guess one of my overall biggest questions is I have this feeling of weakness that I don't know if its justified. It's because of the fact that my urges led me to act like this, and that stopping the adderall feels like the easy way out. I've always felt like, despite liking not being in control, that I can and should be able to completely control myself subconscious and all. And doing it alone too, the fact that I have to reach out to friends for help also makes me feel weak cause I think "What about when they are gone". I don't know if i'm being unfair to myself here because I don't want to believe any drug besides meth (which soykaf like this is why not even once, and I've been given some before) would actually make me not in control of my sex drive. Like I want to believe this is a personal issue I can fix so I can feel like I am not so animalistic, yet maybe it really does just increase my sex drive to a point where there is no way I could control it. What I want to do (even though I won't because I can't and its too risky with finals coming up) is continue buying it and prove to myself I can take it and not act like that, but that would be such a terrible idea if that isn't true. It would just continue on a downward spiral. And like I said I know this ends with me doing something like having sex with girl I mentioned or far worse letting myself be taken advantage of by either strangers or more likely people I know. And I definitely would end up at some point getting caught by my roomate doing some weird soykaf, just on propability and my increasing lack of attention to when he is coming back to the room.

>>1630 Sorry adding something small. I realized thats not how I went from taking it to study to being addicted It actually started because I realized I wasnt just more focused on the work in front of me but big life goals that usually when I get ideas to work towards it I get a bit in and go "this is stupid itl never go anywhere your stupid". But not on adderall or ritalin. In addition to my school work I was writing, reading, and making art related to topics I care about and making plans etc. Pursuing a dream I see as impossible. It was such a good feeling, that I didnt want to stop. This alone wouldnt have been what caused it except for that I was now somehow expecting the adderall to just do the work for me. Unlike before where I was making plans and knew what I had to do ahead of time I was taking it thinking I would magically gravitate towards these things, I ignored like my key rule to have a plan. And when I don't have anything to fixate on I like to think about cute girls. Combine that with the drugs sideffect on me of increasing sex drive like crazy, increasing the amount of time I last before orgasming, and then a hyper focus on one the most endless source of quick cheap dopamine (porn), that brief moment of trying to figure out what to do leads into a 5 hour long jack off session. Today I took the last of it and actually am getting work done and im just intensely irritated with the amount of money I basically wasted. I realized another contributing factor, and perhaps the real start of it was when I obtained enough to do it every day. I guess im semi smart because just two weeks after first using it I knew I couldnt afford it and would have to obtain somebody I could buy bulk cheap from keep the discount and sell some at the same price to close friends and I did that. 4 weeks after first using it my wish came true but with a fairly soykafty version of the drug, this led into snorting because I wanted to "feel" it. Also as someone who did cocaine before adderall, I didnt think it was working unless i felt it and was amped. Which is stupid of me, and perhaps my problem with prescription pills. The reccomended dosages are so that you DONT feel it, but it still works. I always start out like this with every pill I try, and its working and all good but I cant contain myself and have to try taking enough to feel different and then my whole usage of the drug becomes contextualized around what its like at its extreme. I have some, and back then had LOADS of anxiety, and xanax was genuinelly helping and not interfering/hurting my memory too bad, but then I had to try taking a whole 2mg bar instead of just half or a quarter, and then two of those, and I think I capped out at 3/4 and that was the time I fuarrrked up and stopped. At the moment im on a mix of dex + amphetamine, and methylphenidate totaling 80 mg. I didnt sleep last night, my heart was hurting but its okay now, i havent eaten more then 400 calories probably, and yesterday not more than 800. I feel like soykaf, but I also dont have anymore now and as I said no access to buy more and I dont really fiend like that except 4 cigs. Gonna be a rough couple of days. Still have a few more hours to go of this so gonna try to get ahead so I can have a few days to be a mopey piece of soykaf.

>>1635 feel you. haven't had a really good solution to this but maybe you could talk to a therapist or some doc about your problmens and get your pills dosed or something

>>1639 I mean I dont have a prescription and I doubt they will give me one if they can figure out im an addictive person. Its my 3rd day off and I cant say there isnt strong urges to find ways to buy more.

>>1641 >>1635 Update, my supposed "Oh I can't get anymore" failed, surprise. After 3 days started again, rationalized because I had more work to do then I had before, my semester nearing its end and the workload actually increasing. Having to stop using means learning to be motivated and refocus without adderall again, as you might know you will be at even worse performance after stopping. So it's not an illogical rationalization, thinking "now is definitely not the time", however I still must accept it's only a rationalization. For a fact, I have to stop over break. This would be a pretty insane addiction if I didn't, as I always stop over break. Not only because I have time to recover and withdrawal, but also because I know no one, as when i'm not at college I go to a family members house somewhere where I know no one, and i'd have to go to the inner city to find anything. At that point im buying off the street, and I know how to find other drugs but not pills on the street. I also don't know where the spot is in the city, how the police works, etc. Basically it's such a high risk, takes so much work for possibly nothing, that as I said this would be the most addicted to something i've ever been. I'd have no rationalization. However this "I have to stop then" is what keeps me doing it right now. Like I said final stretch, so I see it as i'l have a whole 3 months to refocus and learn to get busy without it which is plenty of time. Who knows when I get back though. Right now though even it probably is my strongest addiction. And it's only strengthened now that I have learned how to work around my weaknesses on the drug (masturbation thing). Only one friend will sell to me as I told the others about this problem, smart move even if my addicted self hates it. I also made a promise to always tell one friend if I do it again, however after learning it causes her stress I will not this time. I went from showering everyday, eating 3 meals, getting sleep to showering every 2 days and eating nothing. My entire quest to improve myself has been halted it seems, i've lost interest in relationships. I couldn't afford this last purchase but bought anyways. The only positive thing I can say is I didn't take them all, and have been saving one for a day I know i'l have to get a lot done. I've never not been able to solve a problem myself, this is no different and I will. I already feel the anxiety in my body for when this wears off soon.

>>1668 >now that I have learned how to work around my weaknesses on the drug how did you solve it? also i'm not sure in which direction you want to go but you could easily go to a psychiatrist, look for the symptoms of adhd and get you medicated. that would solve your problem in getting them or am i missing something?

>>1668 >I've never not been able to solve a problem myself, this is no different and I will. This hit me hard lain. I feel like my life's been falling to soykaf and I'm struggling to keep it together. My grades are slipping, my hours at work got cut, my credit card is over its limit and I keep buying more drugs. Any drug, mostly weed and acid because they're easy and my friends like them but I've been popping moda to stay awake and taking codeine cough syrup to fall asleep and it seems like anything I do these days, I need to pair it with a drug. I keep telling myself I'll quit when school's over, that I need drugs to get through. But that doesn't do anything to help, hell right now I'm at work writing on lain when I'm supposed to be doing a final project due at 11:59 tonight. I don't know what's gonna happen but I feel like I just tremendously fuarrrked up for a whole year. But I can beat it, I tell myself I can beat it. I've beat everything else right? Why can't I beat this?

>>1706 My brains always been smarter then me, things happen without me even trying. When soykafs fuarrrked and I think im screwed forever it figures it out and I look back wondering how I coulda thought id just give up, and amazed by my own abilities. But now were screwing with our brain, that subconscious, soul, whatever you want to call it working in the back of our minds to solve things wants amphetamines and opiates because a life disposition of things arent so good. Something we learned to work with before, things arent so good but thats okay and we can push through. But I lost that, my brain is too smart and can manipulate even me into making logical rationalizations for doing drugs. Because thats easier then life, I know better and I know its not supposed to be easy, but my brain doesnt care about abstractions like that. My brains so good at rationalizing, none of my friends save that one I mentioned can stop me. I can convince them its fine, and sometimes they believe it to a point where they try drugs too. And while this is happening I dont even know im doing it. I talked to a friend I hadnt seen in weeks because of amphetamines making me antisocial. I told him that whole time ive been alternating between adderall and coke. He made no attempts to stop or prevent me, we continued having normal conversation. I said it so calmly and made no excuses and acknowledged it wad a problem he assumed I didnt need help but I do. But I dont want help, like you agreed I always solved things myself. So while I may know I need it, my brain refuses. But who knows if this is why I never get help, because I tell my problems and its like its a game to them. Something to be like "oh lainon" and then move past. I dont know if you feel this too. My friends see me as a rock in their lives probably because of that mentality we share, and I wonder if thats true for you too. My brain doesnt want it, I avoid that one caring friends question when she says "how can I make you stop" because I dont want to, because I have an answer. I know if any of my friends gave me an ultimatum id stop it all, because I want to be that rock for them. Even though im like this and I have no idea why they see me like that, I still know thats how they see me. But I just always play it down, I always play my problems down so they never will give me that ultimatum. Im smarter then myself and dumber then myself.