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Salutations, I hope all of you are having an excellent day. I was reading the MDN documentation regarding Canvas, and when I got to the animations section, I came across something I already knew but was terrified to accept: It's all about Math. It actually makes sense because, if you think about it, many successful computer scientists are or were mathematicians at heart (e.g. Mr. Guido van Rossum has a master's degree in Mathematics). Even Mr. Charles Babbage and Miss Ada Lovelace were talented mathematicians. And obviously Mr. Alan Turing cannot be missed. A lot of computer-related concepts such as Automata Theory, Algorithmic Analysis and Computer Graphics require a solid background in Maths. I don't dislike Mathematics; on the contrary, they fascinate me and I love them. They are truly exciting... but .... I am really, really bad at them. I'm one of those people who has to literally count every number using my fingers. It sounds like a joke, but I'm serious. Everything seems to point to the fact (without false diagnoses) that I have Dyscalculia. Do you know what that means? It's the equivalent of a person who wants to be a soccer player, but is missing one or both legs (I say this with no malicious intent, it is the only analogy that my little, naive brain can formulate). It's horrible and I'm actually contemplating... you know... I won't say it here. I have a dream to create my own programming language; not to stand out or to compete with other amazing languages, but more because I am really passionate about all the theory behind compilers and interpreters. I am also fascinated by the subject of Formal Grammars and Abstract Machines. But I just can't get out of tutorial hell. In my country the enrollment process for university entrance has just started, and I want to study Algorithmic Mathematics with all my heart and soul... but I dread failure. I have already tried four times (five actually, but that time I couldn't make it thanks to the stupid COVID). This would be the sixth time already. I've been studying on my own and I have been at it for over 9 years, but I haven't gotten anywhere. To make matters worse, I was fired from my job like one year ago and to this day I have no money to buy books. ...Well, that was a lot of self-pity already; I'm really sorry for that. I originally wanted to ask if there is such a thing as a “What skills do you need to develop <x>” Wiki in order to finally get out of tutorial hell and to be able to develop my own ideas without resorting to tutorials that already do everything for you. Every time I learn a new language, I'm faced with the fact that I can't do anything with that knowledge, and honestly I'm sick of it. It was there that I realized all the mathematical foundations one needs and ended up with an existential crisis (that I have rudely decided to spit here, and again, a thousand apologies). But well, I'm going to continue playing 'Tux, of Math Command' to see if I can at least aspire to something. If you made it this far in my garbage post, I really appreciate it, I mean it. Also thanks to the people behind lainchan who allow me to publish this nonsense. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you all the best.

Same advice as always: Stop following tutorials, no-one ever learnt anything by blindly following one. Start building something and pick out the parts you're missing from different tutorials or stackoverflow answers. Second point: learning many languages is useless, you should become proficient enough in one of them and start using a different one only if you have an actual reason to. To a beginner, I would recommend C as it's both high-level enough that you can build useful things easily, and low-level enough that you can learn wtf the computer is actually doing. If you want to learn about language theory, Lisp is probably a good choice too, but it might be more obtuse. I can't say I'm really able to empathise with discalculia. Is it just numbers you have trouble with or higher-level mathematical concepts too? If it's just numbers, it shouldn't cause you too much problem. Computers can only count up to 2 after all.

Not all domains of programming need a lot of math. Anything that has to do with rendering or drawing graphics from scratch naturally requires a good amount of math. But there are domains of programming where you might thousands of lines and not have even a single arithmetic operation. Even when advanced math is needed, it is rarely something not invented and known before. And remember, the computer will be doing the math, not you, you just write the formulas.

Thank you very, very much for the answers! I do appreciate it very much. >>41090 I feel really angry at the fact that when I search, e.g. "How do Regular Expression engines work?" I get tutorials half explaining the concept and then putting all the code for you to just copy-paste. The truth is that I have made the mistake of swinging from language to language because I want to find the one that allows me to finally say: "Well... it's not the best solution, but I could do it by myself. I feel happy." I really liked C, but I have been told that it is only coupled with embedded systems and the truth is that electronics do not appeal to me so much; I do not dislike them, but the fact that you need to buy components and the burns that I give myself with the soldering iron do not make the experience pleasant. Also, I absolutely loved LISP! It taught me how to see things from a different perspective. I still have my copy of 'Land of LISP'! But then... it was the same as always... I hate myself. >Is it just numbers you have trouble with or higher-level mathematical concepts too? I do understand the theory, e.g. I understand what sigma notation is all about, but ask me to apply it in a real situation and that's when it all falls apart. I even have problems with small multiplications. I also understand the theory behind the binary and hexadecimal systems, but I can't get past counting to ten. >>41091 I just came across the situation that animations, even the most basic ones, use the JavaScript Math object a lot. When I tried to make a number guessing game in C it took me about ten years (joke) to understand that you only had to divide the random number... actually I don't remember how I did it, sorry. Even with libraries, not knowing how to use them frustrates me a lot.

i relate but ive been using a lot of time I'd waste otherwise to slowly grind math books and wrap my head around concepts before trying to apply them in code...and slowly getting better at it and remembering looong formulas and processes, exercises and writing stuff down to reference alwayys helps it's not fast progress and I still suck but you're only bad at something until you do it for long enough :)

>>41089 Well if it's not generated garbage... >I don't dislike Mathematics; on the contrary, they fascinate me and I love them. And how does your love of math manifest itself? >I am really, really bad at them. Most people I know that tell about being bad at math actually aren't. They usually don't have enough "love" or willpower to properly learn it. >I'm one of those people who has to literally count every number using my fingers. There's enough of examples when people considered uncapable of math became human calculators. And more important, math is not about calculations. Yes it's important part, but it's not main. Arguably most important part is strict logic. Math is about concepts, not counting. Math is just a language, sometimes it's easier to approach it this way. Learn dictionary, start using it. >Everything seems to point to the fact (without false diagnoses) that I have Dyscalculia. Yet it is not diagnosed, right? Never self diagnose, go to experts and better to several of them. Also noone knows limits to capabilities of learning. Yes, there's genetic variability in math, but noone knows limits of individual non-genetic variability. It can be HUUUUUUGE. And I don't know of any proper papers about math related varability. Problem is, do you REALLY want to pay x10 time and effort as a gifted man? If you really love the thing, the answer is obvious. Other thing is, that you can research math that doesn't require calculation, there's a lot in geometry to learn without any calculations for example. Also most people doesn't calculate themselves nowadays, complex math nowadays basically require use of computational programs, you can try to learn and use them. >I have a dream to create my own programming language You don't really need math for that. Most concepts already represented in metal, so most languages are just interfaces to specific instructions, you don't need math to make it work. >but more because I am really passionate about all the theory behind compilers and interpreters This is different from your "dream". There's whole science about building houses, yet you don't actully need any to make one. I hope you understand my analogy. >But I just can't get out of tutorial hell. Stop watching, reading, learning tutorials. >Every time I learn a new language Stop learning languages, just stick to one for a while. Until you will have significant codebase in that language. Just write programs, like any. You can jump between your projects if it's too tedious to srick to one, but at least lead ur projects to some level before jumping to next. Then return to old ones when you'll have passion or new ideas how to improve it. Also do not be scared of rewriting it from scratch at some point.

To all the marvelous people who replied to this melodramatic post: Thank you very, very much for your generosity; I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I was lying in bed for a whole week with many intrusive thoughts in my head, but after some deliberation, I have decided to take the bull by the horns and bet everything to do my best in the mathematical field; maybe something good will come out of it. I am currently studying Formal Grammars, and it is completely exciting (although I have also had to study about Mathematical Notation). To anyone reading this: It doesn't matter if your field is one that has little or nothing to do with Mathematics, I absolutely recommend to take a quick look at the articles that sites like Wikipedia have to offer regarding topics like, e.g. Automata Theory; even if it's just for general culture, feeding your curiosity is a great exercise to develop your analytical, logical and even critical skills. I am truly grateful with lainchan and the people who maintain/visit the site because, if I hadn't gotten what I wrote in the original post out of my head, I might have given up. This will be the last time I write on the site; I need to concentrate on my goal. Thank you very much for being the site that allowed me to write my thoughts (and publish my crappy edits of images) without being censored or ridiculed for it. I sincerely hope that fortune and great experiences come into your lives. I wish you success!

Thank you for this thread. I relate to you a lot. I struggle a lot with calculus and parts of linear algebra, and I've had some insecurity about how poorly I did in my school at maths, where just not becoming a drug addict is an achievement, then there are these students from private inner-city schools. You and me are used to feeling like retards, but we become immune to caring. So what if we are stupid? This is why we work, so we won't be. Doesn't matter if others did it faster and with less effort, what matters to us is gaining that knowledge and insight for ourselves, not competition. We won't be the most exceptional, it doesn't matter. We can be still be damn good, and we can keep going because we can go past points where most egos are too bruised to carry on. Also, if you can't buy books, why aren't you on libgen or z-library for free books?

>>41129 You are welcome! But you don't need to thank me, I'm very, very happy that my post was helpful so you don't feel defeated by adversity. I know you will achieve great things; I know because you haven't given up. You don't have to be a genius, prodigy or whatever: You just have to be yourself and be loyal to your goals and aspirations. From wherever you are, I send you a warm embrace. Never stop being curious and never stop learning! >Also, if you can't buy books, why aren't you on libgen or z-library for free books? To be honest, I didn't know those sites. Thank you very much for sharing those resources with me! Although, there are some books that I would prefer buying; you know, to support the author. But... there are other ones (I will avoid saying names) that I will have to accept the offer of reading them online because, at least in my country, they are extremely expensive (almost as if one were paying for an antique relic of immeasurable value, ha, ha). Again, thank you so much for letting me know about these sites!

>>41089 >. I am really, really bad at them. I'm one of those people who has to literally count every number using my fingers. It sounds like a joke, but I'm serious. Everything seems to point to the fact (without false diagnoses) that I have Dyscalculia. Honestly, anon, I feel kinda the same. And I was still able to graduate in computer science, with 3 full classes about Calculus, I to III, statistics, discrete mathematics, operations research, and so on. I might not be that retarded after all. Still, yesterday I couldn't solve a very simple equation system using Gauss Method even if my life depended on it. Weird. Anon, we need to practice. That is all. Unfortunately. It is pretty much like going to the gym as I figured out. Do (math) exercises, consistently, even when you don't want to. How many math exercises do you do in a day? For example, I'm doing Stanford course, Cryptography I. Pretty cool. Hard as fuarrrk for me. Still managed to get 100% on the first test on third try. I encourage you to do just that, exercises. Dan Boneh has a full book on cryptography. more than 1000 pages long. Lots of exercises. I'm reading it. That is it, we gotta study bro. >o make matters worse, I was fired from my job like one year ago and to this day I have no money to buy books. You don't need to buy them, come on anon. PDF this soykaf.